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He’d never admit it, but seeing Kaveh break down as he had like that over a mug shattering… made Alhaitham sick. That wasn’t a sight he ever wanted to see again.
Kaveh had had tantrums over the years. He’d cried over just about anything one could imagine. But that night had been different. Like some part of his soul had shattered along with the ceramic container as it hit the ground.
Alhaitham had spent the past two days quietly, meticulously putting the mug back together. He’d made a quiet promise to Kaveh that night, after the blond had fallen asleep, that he’d be okay. Fixing the mug his father had made was the first step.
Alhaitham had instructed Kaveh to take it easy for the next week, prohibiting him from accepting any commissions until his injuries had healed. Kaveh had protested at first, but underneath the upset there was relief. Like he was glad someone was stopping him, when he couldn’t stop himself.
The Scribe made sure to check in on Kaveh frequently, as his knees were still too bruised for walking more than a trip to the bathroom. Even then, he didn’t feel leaving Kaveh entirely to his own devices was a good idea, what with the bathroom being covered in hard surfaces. Kaveh could fall again.
Tighnari had stopped by the following morning to look Kaveh over. The worst injury was the one on his elbow; he’d managed to bruise the bone itself. Kaveh’s instructions were to keep it on ice, limit all movement, and absolutely do not pick up a pencil.
He’d tried, because of course he had. So Alhaitham had snuck in when Kaveh fell asleep at his desk and taken all of the pencils, pens and any other writing utensils out of the room. They were hidden now. Kaveh, of course, had thrown a fit, complaining that Alhaitham didn’t trust him, and didn’t believe he knew his own body best. Alhaitham had silently stood, letting Kaveh blow off his frustration. After the fit was over, he’d looked dazed and confused. Alhaitham simply guided him to the couch, bringing over two cups of tea. He had sat beside Kaveh without a word, offering his presence as comfort. Kaveh eventually uttered a single sentence: “I’m sorry.”
Alhaitham knew his friend was looking at him differently. He knew his own behavior had changed. He knew he was being uncharacteristically kind and patient. Kaveh never asked why, and Alhaitham was glad. He hadn’t the strength to admit that Kaveh’s gut-wrenching sob from the other night still rung out in his ears. Alhaitham wished he could forget the sound. Every time his mind replayed it, he shivered, growing fearfully nauseous.
What if you hadn’t been there? What if he’d— Alhaitham refused to even entertain the thought. Kaveh was safe. He was alive, he was recovering, he was safe. That was real. Any what-ifs were a waste of energy.
Carefully, the Scribe glued the last piece of the mug in place. He sat back to inspect his work. It was as perfect as anyone could make it. He’d even tried to repair the cracks, sealing and sanding them down. It definitely wasn’t a solid color anymore, but some part of him knew Kaveh would just be grateful to have the memento back.
Alhaitham stood, bringing the mug with him. He knocked against Kaveh’s door—he knew he was allowed in already, but it felt invasive to just walk in.
“You can come in, you know.” Kaveh called.
Alhaitham stepped in, holding the mug behind his back. “I recall.”
“Then why knock?”
“It feels better to enter with permission every time.”
Kaveh sighed, knowing he wouldn’t change Alhaitham’s mind.
“Fine. How can I help you?”
Alhaitham stilled for a moment, suddenly nervous. Why? He didn’t get nervous. His gaze landed on Kaveh. His housemate looked so weary. Better than he had a few days ago, but the exhaustion was still evident on his face. Alhaitham’s heart ached at the sight.
“I thought this might help put your mind at ease…” He finally said, pulling the mug into view. Kaveh’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Is that—“
Alhaitham nodded, moving close enough to hand it off to Kaveh. His eyes dropped down to Kaveh’s elbow. Tighnari had put a compression wrap on it alongside his other instructions. The wrap pressing against his skin made Alhaitham realize Kaveh’s figure was so… small. The Scribe made a mental note to start bringing Kaveh heartier meals.
“When did you do this?” Kaveh sounded stunned.
“Between when it broke and now.”
Kaveh shot a nasty glare at Alhaitham. Still, the Scribe couldn’t help but smile. The glares, he was used to. Kaveh not looking at him was another. He’d take the glares over the latter any day.
“You know damn well that is not what I was asking.” He scoffed. Alhaitham bit back an amused chuckle.
“I finished it up this morning. Had to let the glue dry last night.”
Kaveh turned the mug in his hands, amazed with the craftsmanship. “I didn’t realize a brute could be so… gentle.” He mumbled. Alhaitham snorted, leaning closer.
“I can be gentle in other ways, too…”
Kaveh recoiled away, eyes wide as he stared in shock at Alhaitham. A bright blush found its way onto the architect’s face and neck, and his hands tightened their grip around the mug.
“What the fuck was that?!” He snapped, though it was without venom.
Alhaitham smirked. “Hm?”
“Don’t ‘hm’ me! You know damn well what I’m talking about!”
“I’m afraid I don’t, senior.”
Kaveh stuttered over ineligible words, unable to form a sentence. Alhaitham turned away, walking out of the room. He decided he liked Kaveh flustered.
––––––––––
Over the next week and a half, Alhaitham decided he’d take an… unconventional route to help Kaveh. He’d seen how the architect would quickly begin to sink into the dark parts of his mind; how he’d disassociate mid-conversation, like all the bad things were still fresh wounds. If that meant Alhaitham had to play games, he would. He could tolerate it. Anything to keep Kaveh’s head above water.
Today was a good day, at least. Kaveh had woken up in a good mood. He’d even tried teasing Alhaitham back, to no avail. Any other time, and Alhaitham would have been annoyed. But right now… right now, he was just glad to see Kaveh coming back to himself.
Though… there was still the matter of Kaveh’s timidness. At first, it only showed up whenever he’d started to slip back into that awful mindset. Then, it started existing on its own. Alhaitham didn’t like it, not one bit. This was not the Kaveh he knew. The Kaveh he knew was loud, and liked socializing, and loved following his dreams, and lecturing Alhaitham about his messy lifestyle habits, and playing TCG with good friends and a bottle of wine at the ready. This Kaveh was quiet, and withdrawn, and hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol even when it had been offered. This Kaveh didn’t antagonize Alhaitham, more than the slight attempts at teasing him. Alhaitham knew better than to stick his nose where it didn’t belong, but… the spark in Kaveh’s eyes had gone out on his bad day. That scared the Scribe.
He’d have to talk to Kaveh. And by the Archons, would it be awkward coming from a guy who was known across Teyvat as anything but emotionally available.
Alhaitham knocked on Kaveh’s door.
“Come in.”
Alhaitham entered, gauging Kaveh’s reaction. He was still in a good mood. That would make broaching the subject easy.
“Alhaitham! Did you read this letter from Kaeya?”
“Letter from who?”
Kaveh rolled his eyes. “Kaeya Alberich. Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius?” Alhaitham didn’t recognize anything other than the surname. In the back of his mind, he felt that he’d read the name in some historical context.
His face must have given away his answer. “He was here a few years ago, ran into the Traveler and Paimon?”
Alhaitham shook his head. “Don’t think I’ve met him. I take it you have?”
Kaveh nodded. “Yes. Over a TCG round at Lambad’s. We’ve kept in touch. Anyways, he invited us to Mondstadt for a visit. Even said we could get a personal tour of Dawn Winery!”
“I didn’t realize the knights had that kind of influence over such an affluent and independent industry,” Alhaitham said, sitting on the edge of Kaveh’s bed.
“No, no, he’s close friends with the winery owner.”
“Ah. I see. And… he extended the invitation to me?”
“Yes, you fool, of course he extended the invitation to you,” Kaveh said.
“But we haven’t met.” Kaveh rolled his eyes again.
“You think I’d omit mentioning your existence over the years?”
“Years???” Alhaitham asked incredulously. How long had Kaveh had this friend?
“Yes, years! I’m allowed to have friends outside of Sumeru, you know!” He scoffed. Suddenly, his mood shifted. Kaveh’s posture drooped, and he curled in on himself ever so slightly. Alhaitham decided to get the conversation he’d wanted to have started.
“You’ll reply yes, I assume?”
Kaveh squeezed the letter a little. “I… I don’t know if I’ll have time.”
“Kaveh, of course you will. Why wouldn’t you?”
“I still have a backlog of commissions. I have this one client, he’s been waiting a long time already, I-I have to get him something soon, but my arm–”
Alhaitham grasped Kaveh’s hand in his own. The architect flinched, and the Scribe’s heart ached.
“Are you enjoying this commission?”
“What do you mean?”
“Working with this client. Are you doing it because you feel an obligation to do so, or because you get enjoyment out of the job?”
Kaveh was quiet for a minute before pulling away. “Why do you care? You’ve been so nice to me lately, a-and I don’t get it! Am I that pathetic to you? Do you think I’ll break? Or get so drunk I jump off of something?”
Alhaitham’s eyes widened. Had he given Kaveh the impression he thought he was suicidal?
“No, Kaveh, that’s not what I mea–”
“Then what did you mean? Because this isn’t the Alhaitham I know! And I don’t know that I can trust you. How do I know that you won’t stop being nice? How do I know your compassion won’t go back to judgment?” Kaveh snapped. Alhaitham hated the tears welling in his eyes. He swallowed hard, glaring at the bedsheets for a moment.
“I… I’m worried about you, Kaveh.” His voice quivered, less than he’d expected at least.
Kaveh froze. His ruby eyes drifted ever so slightly toward the scribe. Alhaitham focused intensely on the letter in Kaveh’s hands—he wasn’t sure he could get this off his chest and make eye contact all in one sitting.
“When you… the other day, I—“ Alhaitham exhaled in frustration at himself.
“You’ve cried in front of me before. But… the other night wasn’t like those times. I’ve… I’ve never seen you like that. So… so…”
“Broken?” Kaveh offered, tone already pained.
“Lost.”
Kaveh looked at the Scribe in surprise.
“Lost?”
Alhaitham nodded.
“Like… you’d hit rock bottom, and you didn’t have the strength to come back this time.”
Alhaitham knew Kaveh had been at rock bottom before. But that… that was more monetary and career-based. This? This was like his soul had fallen so far it didn’t know which way was up anymore.
“I’ve never heard you that agonized before, Kaveh, and I hated it. N-Not you. I didn’t hate you. I hated that… that you… were so hurt. I didn’t know how to help.”
A moment of silence passed over the two. Kaveh spoke first. “You did know.” His tone was gentle.
Now, Alhaitham looked at him, ready to rebuke the statement.
“You helped me. Off the floor, first. You helped me get cleaned up. And dressed… definitely couldn’t have done that without you,” a soft chuckle escaped Kaveh’s lips.
“You would’ve just lied down naked?” Alhaitham raised a brow.
“Naked and defeated, just the way I entered this world.” Kaveh said proudly. Alhaitham couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“You’ve made sure I ate, and helped with my arm and knees. And you’ve listened. That… that’s meant the most to me. That, and the fact you spent so much time fixing my mug.” Kaveh’s gaze dropped to his lap. Alhaitham resisted the urge to take his hands in his own.
“Maybe I did help you. But… I feel like it hasn’t been enough.”
“Why?” Kaveh asked.
“Because. Since your bad day, it… y… it feels like you’ve been… smaller.”
“Smaller?” Kaveh seemed confused. Alhaitham nodded.
“Smaller how?”
“Like… you’re trying to minimize your presence. I don’t like it.”
Kaveh almost scoffed. “Then you’d understand why your kindness with me has been confusing, too.”
Alhaitham didn’t understand, and his face must have given it away.
“You changed overnight, Alhaitham. You saw me have one bad day, and… you’re a completely different person. You’re not even just nice, you’re gentle. You’ve never been that way with me. What… what did I do wrong?”
Alhaitham’s eyes widened in surprise. “Why do you think you did something wrong?”
“Because you’re being so… soft! I don’t understand! So what? You saw me crying and it made you change your entire personality? I don’t get it!”
Alhaitham’s brow furrowed in frustration— with himself, for not being able to communicate the way he wanted to.
“It’s not that you were crying, Kaveh—“
“Then what?!”
“I-“
“And don’t give me some bullshit excuse! I want the truth!” Kaveh’s ruby eyes watered as he held back tears.
“It’s because I love you!” Alhaitham spat out. Sharp silence suddenly filled the room.
“You love me?” Kaveh’s voice came out in a whisper.
Alhaitham nodded. “And I can’t stand to see you hurt.”
Kaveh was quiet as he processed the confession.
“Kaveh?”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to kick me out, then?” The retreating into himself was rearing its ugly head again.
“No. Because then I’d-“ Alhaitham drew in a slightly shaky breath. He’d never had troubles with honesty before. Why now? Why this?
“I’d worry. About you.”
“And you worry less when I’m here?”
“Yes. Because I know your state of being. Because I can look over, and see you. I can hear you talking as you walk through the house. I can smell the coffee you brew. I can feel your presence. And I worry less.”
Kaveh risked a glance at his junior before fixating on the covers again.
“You complain, though. About all the noise I make.”
Alhaitham swallowed the lump in his throat. “I know. And sorry doesn’t begin to cover it. I… if I am wrong, please tell me. I think the way I’ve treated you—what you’ve come to recognize as ‘normal’—contributed to the build up of emotions inside you. And the other day, you reached your limit. You tolerate, and tolerate, and then you snapped—rightfully, I might add. If I hadn’t made you feel like such a burden, perhaps you wouldn’t have ended up so distraught. Perhaps you wouldn’t have fallen and injured yourself. I cannot change the past, Kaveh, but I’d like to change the future.”
Kaveh’s voice was meek. “Does that have anything to do with saying you love me?”
Alhaitham’s heart ached. “Yes. It does. I cannot love you and treat you poorly. I’m… I’m so sorry. Words will never be enough to repay the debt I now owe you. But if you will have me, I’d like to try.”
The Scribe trained his gaze on Kaveh, fighting off his shaking. He didn’t want to scare Kaveh.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Kaveh looked up. “I’ve gotten familiar with living here… I like the routine,” he murmured. “And I love you too.” This time, he finally met Alhaitham’s eyes. The Scribe’s heart ached again, this time with something softer.
Cautiously, Alhaitham extended his arms, offering a hug. Kaveh warily watched for a moment before leaning in ever so slightly. Alhaitham closed the distance, not wanting the architect to strain any of his injuries. He was pleasantly warm, Alhaitham noticed. The Scribe closed his eyes, resting his head against the side of Kaveh’s as the blond tucked his face into the crook of the silver-haired man’s neck.
The two stayed like that for a long, long while. Around them, the world quieted, disappearing outside of the room.
Finally, Kaveh sat back. Alhaitham could see how tired he was. Brushing a stray strand of hair from his face, Alhaitham pushed Kaveh all the way back into the pillows. “How about I start tomorrow? Repaying my debt, I mean.”
Kaveh’s ruby eyes looked up at Alhaitham. That lively spark he’d grown so fond of was coming back. “I think you could start tonight, if it matters that much to you.” His voice was a little closer to its usual level again too.
“Oh?” Alhaitham raised a brow, though he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what Kaveh was about to ask for.
“I…” Kaveh glanced away, looking like he felt a little sheepish.
“I have a theory I’d… sleep better with… company.”
“Mehrak not enough anymore?” Alhaitham couldn’t help but tease. He winced, suddenly remembering he’d just promised not to be such a dick.
Thank the Archons Kaveh’s spirits had been lifted enough not to take it that way. “Mehrak is cold. In case you’ve forgotten, dear Scribe, metal doesn’t have body heat. You, however, do.”
“And here I was thinking I was too brutish to be considered a personal heater…” Alhaitham smiled, crossing to the other side of the bed.
Kaveh huffed. “I reserve the right to change my opinion. This is just a theory I’m testing, after all.”
Alhaitham hummed to himself, setting his headphones on the bedside table before getting comfortable.
He closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh at the relief in his muscles the bed provided.
Beside him, Kaveh whined softly. Alhaitham raised a brow, opening his eyes.
“What?”
Kaveh stared at him for a moment. “Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten why I asked you to share a bed!”
Alhaitham stared back. He had forgotten.
Kaveh groaned before yanking Alhaitham closer. The Scribe stiffened, surprised by the action.
“… If you don’t relax, I swear to god I will get Mehrak, because you’re just as unforgiving to hold as it is.”
Alhaitham smirked. “So you have cuddled with Mehrak.”
Kaveh made an incredulous sound at that, slapping his entire hand onto Alhaitham’s face. The Scribe grinned, his figure relaxing as a laugh forced its way out of his throat.
“You’re incorrigible.” Kaveh muttered, burying his face against Alhaitham’s chest.
For a moment, all he could do was stare at the architect in admiration. It wasn’t often Kaveh stayed this still, and Alhaitham wanted to admire him as long as he could.
Slowly, his arms wrapped around Kaveh, pulling his frame closer until their bodies were flush.
Kaveh’s shivering subsided, and no more muffled words found their way out of his mouth.
Is he already asleep?
Alhaitham had seen one too many nights of Kaveh struggling to sleep, with how fast his brain operated. Alhaitham was glad he didn’t have that issue, though, in a way he wished he did, so he could understand what it felt like. Not being able to control your mind… that, he was familiar with. A shiver passed through his body.
“Are you cold?” Kaveh muttered. He sounded half awake.
Alhaitham shook his head, pressing his palm flat against the space between Kaveh’s shoulder blades.
“No. I’m fine. Have you warmed up now?”
Kaveh nodded.
“Good.”
A comfortable silence settled over the two. Kaveh’s breathing began to slow, dropping into a steady rhythm, indicating he’d fallen asleep.
The Scribe closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of Kaveh’s gentle breaths. It wasn’t often Kaveh was so quiet. Truthfully, it was a little unsettling. But he was safe. He was safe, and he’d simply fallen asleep.
“I know I’m not good at feelings…” Alhaitham softly murmured into Kaveh’s hair, “so… I promise I’ll try to get better at it. So I can tell you I love you as much as you like.”
Kaveh shifted in his sleep, like he was trying to get closer.
Alhaitham smiled. “Sleep well, Kaveh. I hope tomorrow is nothing short of a good day.”