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    Summary

    He remembered the first time he had smoked with Ilya clearly. It was a day that he often looked back on if he wanted a happy memory or a quick smile. Shane had gotten so high, at first feeling overwhelmed, but eventually letting himself sink deep into Ilya's arms. Ilya had held him and encouraged him not to focus too much on the physical sensations in his body or the worry in his mind. To instead focus on Ilya, or how soft the blankets felt, or how delicious their food tasted or how light his head felt. Slowly, over time, Shane learned to love it. He felt lighter, goofier, care-free in ways he had never really experienced before. He had smoked a few times in the past, but never with someone he felt he could fully confide in and trust. Never with Ilya.

    (Or, Shane is anxious, Ilya suggests they smoke, and then they come 5 times.)

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