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It was a very unusual set of circumstances that led all of Bruce Wayne’s children to be competing in the 2028 summer Olympics. One might even say, it was the kind of thing that had to have been orchestrated by a higher power. But anyone who actually knew Bruce Wayne and his children knew that this was no act of God, but as always with the children of Batman, an act of sheer dumb luck and coincidence.
And a couple explosions.
It started something like this. In the early months of 2027, there was a massive spike in criminal activity. No one was really sure why, beyond normal speculation. But such a spike in criminal activity, meant that Batman and his sidekicks were spending extra long hours on the streets of Gotham, patrolling and cleaning up the messes of villains that didn’t care about normal working hours.
During this same time, Wayne enterprises had successfully branched into the clothing making business. With department stores beginning to sell them all over the country, they had been able to secure a deal with the American Winter Olympic team back in 2026, to manufacture all of their uniforms. And after those Olympic teams were so impressed by the quality of their uniforms that some athletes even discussed it in interviews, Wayne enterprises was approached to design uniforms for the up and coming summer Olympics in 2028.
They accepted, and began design meetings in early 2027, during the same time this crime spike took place.
What did this mean? It meant, that a very tired and grumpy Batman had to not only put in extra hours parading Gotham and cleaning up massive messes, but he also had to sit through countless, unavoidable and important design meetings during the same day.
The only outcome? A very sleep deprived Batman. For that matter, a very sleep deprived family of bats all around. And what does a sleep deprived family mean, when they are forced to deal with important things lead to? Well, nothing good. But specifically, saying things they might regret later.
This brings us to the funniest string of events for the Wayne family possible. In order:
- Dick Grayson flips off a building while in civvies, gets it put on the internet, is scouted by US men’s gymnastics team, and ends up doing a favor for Superman in the end
2. Jason Todd brags about being an amazing shot while drunk at a gala, and then proves it the next day at a rich guys shooting range, to knock a bastard off his high horse
3. Tim Drake makes a sleep deprived bet, about skateboarding not being nearly as hot as people think it is, and young justice finding out he is, in fact, a 90’s skater boy
4. Cassandra Cain flirting through martial arts lessons, and publicly using karate in a sleepily induced panic.
5. Stephanie brown being incredibly excited for boxing lessons from her best friend, and absolutely floored when she tossed a creep in front of a whole gala.
6. Duke Thomas having to explain away his ability to hold his breath while stuck in water for six minutes during a penguin kidnapping, by saying he is an Olympic level swimmer (definitely not meta powers or superhero training
7. Damian Wayne putting his sword wielding abilities to use, to combat animal cruelty brands with the help of the youngest Superboy
8. And Bruce Wayne accidentally mentioning having his children compete in the Olympics in a meeting with people directly connected to the organizing of the games, while being half asleep
Now, you might be able to guess where I am going with this. But if you can’t, then have no fear, because you are about to hear first hand accounts, of how every member of this stupid team gaslit, faked, and tripped their way into competing for the American Olympic team, in the 2028 games.