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"You aren't real."
This was supposed to be a quick resource run — more of an excuse than anything; just a way to escape the constant chatter about the earth mage's disappearance. Everyone was talking about it, even people that barely knew her, and they had unanimously put the blame squarely on AJ's shoulders after hearing about their fight. Everywhere she went was full of condemnation at best, and outright rage at worst, so she took it upon herself to quietly slip away from it all.
She didn't think it would follow her underground.
"You sure? I feel pretty real." She— it grinned wickedly. "Maybe you should come over here and check."
God this was— she was gonna be sick. The last time she had run into one of these spirits masquerading as Drift she had been with people— with her specifically: it had been all too easy to joke around and throw out a few innuendoes just to see the girl blush. But now? Now she was alone, and it didn't feel funny anymore. She had come down here to avoid her incessant thoughts about the mage, not to stare her directly in the face again.
"No," she insisted, staggering back a step, "no, no no! You aren't real, you're just some cheap magic trick made to fuck with me!"
It's eyes — green, like little bottles of poison — filled with sick delight. It leaned forwards, closing the distance again, and even more differences became obvious to her: her hair was a shade too dark, and not nearly as frazzled as her Drift kept it. The copy was too neat, too shiny — like someone had applied a glossy film to her and lost everything that makes her her in the process. It feels like an insult to every memory she has of her. But the worst offender is her expression; even at her angriest, she had never seen the girl look this mean.
"Oh AJ," it breathed, gently brushing a lock of her hair out of her face, "you should know I'm anything but cheap."
The words hit her like a punch to the gut, and she pushed it away instinctively. It bent over, laughing at the stricken look on her face
"Oh— your face was priceless! Hah! What, still upset with her for keeping that from you?"
"At least you're admitting that you aren't her." At that it rolled it's eyes, letting out an annoyed groan like a child that had lost a game of hide and seek.
"Ugh, fine! You're such a spoil sport, you know, ruining my fun. The goal was never to actually trick you — there's no pulling the wool over your eyes when it comes to her." It paused looking thoughtful and tapping its chin. "It's like A Midsummer Night's Dream, with that one line. What was it..."
It made an excited noise before clearing it's throat and posing dramatically: one arm at its chest and one reaching out.
"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. That was pretty good, right? Come on, I kinda nailed that, you gotta admit!"
AJ couldn't respond, her mouth too dry. It was right — it wasn't an exact copy, not by a long shot — but it was close enough to make her heart squeeze pathetically in her chest. Close enough to remind her of all the times they messed around in the schools theatre, reciting Shakespeare back and forth until one of them messed up and they both fell into giggling fits. Close enough that for a second, maybe less, she was back there: back before she had torn her open book apart and tossed it to the flames.
Before she'd ruined it all, again.
At her lack of response the copy's face shifted, sniffing out her misery like blood in the water. The bubbly act was gone, replaced with that cruel look from before as it circled her, like a predator moving in for the kill.
"No, I didn't think I'd trick you: AJ, you're far too obsessed with her for that. I did it for you."
"For me?"
"Yeah." It shrugged, once again encroaching on her personal space. "You miss her, right? Thought you might want to pretend for a bit. I can be her for you down here. Noone would know, not even her."
Bile rose quick and sharp in her throat. Horror and disgust that this thing thought it could replace her— but even worse, guilt. Guilt that her first feeling about the proposition wasn't revulsion, but want.
She grit her teeth, growling like a cornered animal, "Back up before I bury you."
"No," it giggled, resting it's hands on the back of her neck and running it's fingers through the hair there, "you won't. Burying me means burying her, and I don't think you have it in you to watch again."
"Wanna bet?"
"Yeah," it sneered, "because I may not look exactly like her, but the one thing I've perfected is her scream."
At that, it twisted it's fingers, pulling hard enough to make her wince and tears to well in her eyes. It had her in a vice grip, keeping them nose to nose so it could drink in her pain. After a second it stopped, leaving one hand to card through her hair and bringing the other up to gently cup her face.
"Why are you fighting this, AJ? Isn't this what you want: her without repercussions? A Drift that you can't hurt, no matter how much you fuck up? You wanted me once upon a time, you said that yourself."
"It's different now." she pleaded, voice hoarse, not knowing who she was trying to convince. If she closed her eyes she could pretend they were back in her dorm, Drift holding her as softly as she always did, grinning mischievously as she messed up the decay mage's hair. "I pushed her away, I don't want her anymore."
"Oh come on, we both know that's bullshit. You can lie to her, but not to me."
"Well that's the problem, isn't it?" She smiled weakly, feeling more like she'd survived a couple rounds in the ring rather than a simple conversation. "You aren't her."
It was silent for a moment, the spirit deep in thought, though the tension was palpable. This close she could smell Drift's perfume, and could count every freckle on her face. She couldn't help but watch as she chewed on her bottom lip — a bad habit the decay mage knew she was trying to break. The copys' ministrations hadn't ceased, and she could feel her brain going fuzzy from the way her fingers twirled the hair at her nape.
"Do you know what I think, AJ?" It asked, finally stilling it's hands. "I think it doesn't matter to you if I am her or not. I think you're so desperate — so used to living on scraps — that you'll take what you can get. I think you're too selfish to turn down such a perfect solution, and you're just kicking up a fuss to feel better about yourself — it's kind of endearing, really, but I'm tired now; I think we've both had enough of games."
At that, it leaned in impossibly closer, gently guiding her head with it's hand. And it was right: it would've been easy — too easy for comfort. If she had just kept looking at it's lips, at its freckled cheeks, or if she had just focused on the warmth of her hands finally on her again, she could've done it. Would've willfully sunk into haze of blissful memories and kissed her stupid. She might've even been able to kid herself afterwards, soften the reality by telling herself it was just the goodbye kiss she never got.
But as it was, AJ had never been able to resist stealing a glance at Drift's eyes, and now was no exception.
The shock of green was enough to seal her fate.
She stumbled back, pushing her arms out blindly. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she heaved for air, feeling like she was choking again. "This isn't right—!"
It barked out a sharp, mean laugh. "Oh I'm sorry, did I miss you becoming a fucking saint overnight? Since when have you cared about right and wrong?"
"Since I sent her off! I did that so she wouldn't get hurt and this—" she heaved, still desperate for air, "—this is wrong. It hurts her memory, it's fucked up and I can't— I won't do it."
"Oh now you care about hurting her? After all you've done?"
"You think that I wanted this, that I wanted to break her heart?!" She screamed, tears flowing freely now. "No! You're right I— I'm selfish, and desperate, and I want her more than I've wanted fucking anything before in my stupid wretched life, but—!"
It cocked its head to the side, blessedly silent for once.
"But— but more than what I want, I need her safe. I need her to live a happy, fulfilling, long life, and I can't give her that, especially now they know who she is. And if that means that she'll hate me forever, and I'll be cursed to spend the rest of my fucked up life missing her, then so be it. I'd rather know that she's out there alive without me than watch her die beside me."
The silence that followed was deafening, broken only by her small hiccups. The spirit watched her curiously, dropping all pretences of humanity. They stayed like that for a moment, before the copy clicked it's tongue.
"That's part of it."
"What?"
"You didn't just chase her off for her own good— it was for you too. You don't want to be what breaks her, don't want her to stick around long enough to hate you for a real reason instead of some bullshit valiant excuse. A part of you wants to be miserable, AJ, and she was ruining that. You did this for her, sure, but you were all too happy to self destruct, like a big red button you can't help but push, over and over again."
AJ hung her head, messily wiping at the tear tracks on her face. It made no move to comfort her — showed no emotion at all. That was somehow worse than the anger.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered, moving closer to her. "I'm so fucking sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I just couldn't think of any other way— didn't want to think of another way. I thought it would be easier if you left, that you'd be better off without me poisoning all of your relationships and dragging you down with me."
She lurched forward, and grabbed it's hand, bringing it to her heart.
"I was a coward and I ruined everything because I was scared, and now it's too late, and I'm just— I'm so fucking sorry, Open Book. You deserved so much better."
The spirit looked at the weeping mage before it, using it's other hand to lift her chin up so they were eye to eye. It did not bother trying to imitate pity.
"Do not apologise to me, AJ. I am not her."
With that it faded away, it's hand slipping through AJ's fingers. She was left alone again, just as she had wanted. To celebrate she curled into a small ball on the floor, and tucked herself into a corner. Her sobs echoed out through the crypt's stone corridors.
"I'm sorry Drift."