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Seulgi woke to sunrays flickering through the curtains, and the rhythmic breathing of a sleeping Jaeyi warm against her bare chest. Everything still felt like a dream.
Since they'd started officially dating, Seulgi had been losing her grip on reality by the day. Whenever they were in the same room, she swore the temperature climbed a few degrees. She couldn't see, hear, or smell anything that wasn't Jaeyi. They spent every waking moment together. It was intoxicating. Good thing the final stretch of senior year was easier than the CSAT — even if the killer question had eluded them both — so neither of their grades took the hit.
The problem with wanting to be close all the time was that there weren't many places to do that comfortably. Seulgi still lived in a shoebox with her stepmother. Jaeyi's conservative father wasn't fond of her recent lifestyle choices (i.e. Seulgi), and she couldn't be home without picking a fight with him. Everywhere else was too public for what they wanted to do.
So Jaeyi pulled the rich kid card and booked them a weekend at a mountain spa retreat, right after graduation. A breather before medical school. No one to interrupt them.
Which brought them to this moment. Seulgi, admiring Jaeyi in her arms after an incredible night, could replay it all in her head: stumbling into the room, her hands trembling, the curve of Jaeyi's neck, the small step back to unbutton her blouse, something in Seulgi snapping at the first sign of Jaeyi's breasts, the searing kiss that followed, Jaeyi's tongue—
Jaeyi's hand smudged against Seulgi's face as she stirred, cutting the memory short.
"Sorry." Jaeyi mumbled, and Seulgi recovered enough to pull her close again. Then: "It's been a while since I slept this well next to someone."
Seulgi remembered the one time Jaeyi had asked her to sleep over, seemingly out of nowhere, and basically rewired her entire brain just by existing in her domestic realm. Jaeyi's quirks, hobbies, preferences — everything beyond the academic ice queen façade — were compelling, intriguing. And she'd looked so damn hot in nightwear. That blue bedroom suite — and that bathtub — had haunted Seulgi's dreams for months. But she hadn't been back since and then it hit her: Wait — someone? Who else had been in Jaeyi's bed?
"What?" Seulgi asked, needing a second to process that.
"What time is it? Can I sleep a little longer?" Jaeyi continued, oblivious, voice laced with sleep.
Seulgi couldn't keep the bile from rising. The idea that someone else had been this close to Jaeyi annoyed her. "Someone?"
As if sensing where this was going, Jaeyi turned on her side, her back to Seulgi.
"Wake me up later."
Seulgi wasn't letting it go. She popped her head up over Jaeyi's shoulder. "Someone?"
"Umpf." Half whine, half moan — Jaeyi pulled the covers over her head.
Seulgi tossed the fabric aside playfully, revealing Jaeyi's head and torso. "Do you sleep better with me?"
"Why are you doing this so early?" Jaeyi whined, not opening her eyes, pulling the covers back close.
"I said — you sleep better with me?" Seulgi traced her fingers up Jaeyi's arm, shoulder, neck, voice low against her ear.
"I don't know." Jaeyi smiled at the sensation.
"Hey." A kiss to the shoulder.
"Huh?" A purr.
"Yoo Jaeyi." A nibble at her earlobe.
"Yeah?" A shudder.
Seulgi cupped a hand around her ear, closer, whispering. "I'm asking you."
Jaeyi was giggling now. "That tickles."
Seulgi peppered kisses along the back of her neck, behind her ear, nose snuggling everywhere. "Answer me."
"It tickles!"
Yeri's café sat two blocks from campus, all exposed brick and oat milk options. Seulgi had barely gotten through the door before Yeri looked up from the espresso machine and smirked.
"Seulgi-ah."
"Hi," Seulgi said.
"Oh my god," Yeri set down the pitcher she was steaming and leaned both elbows on the counter, eyes piercing through a confused-looking Seulgi.
"You had sex," Yeri said after a final look up-and-down.
Seulgi choked on nothing. "Keep your voice down."
"I don't need to lower my voice, I need a raise. And you need to tell me everything."
Seulgi's face cycled through a thousand emotions. She was already regretting leaving Jaeyi for an afternoon.
"You had sex, Woo Seulgi. Look at you. You're glowing. It's disgusting." Yeri was still grinning, entirely unbothered by the line of customers waiting. "Was it good? It was good. I can tell it was good."
"I'm leaving."
"No, you're not. Sit down," Yeri said, pushing up from the counter and turning back to the espresso machine to finish the drink she was working on. "Gosh, I wish I had a 'congrats on the sex' cake to offer you, but I guess a latte will have to do."
Seulgi sat down. A few minutes later, apron off, Yeri dropped into the seat across from her with two cups: drip coffee for Yeri and a latte for Seulgi, a pattern that could be interpreted as a flower on the foam art. Seulgi suspected it was supposed to be something else.
"So," Yeri said. "Spill it."
"Shouldn't you be working?" Seulgi deflected, and then didn't say anything else, because now that she was here she was starting to feel a little ridiculous about the actual reason she'd come.
"I'm on my break and you're stalling."
"I'm not stalling."
Yeri simply rolled her eyes at that and took a sip from her cup.
Seulgi drank her coffee mostly to have something to do with her face.
She hadn't planned to ask. The question had been sitting in her chest for days, and she hated that jealousy could just move in like that. Yeri, with all of her social leverage, would be the only one besides Jaeyi who'd know.
"Who was Jaeyi's ex?" she said, finally, and hated it as soon as it left her mouth.
Yeri's eyebrows went up, delighted in a whole new direction now. "Which ex, exactly?"
"There was more than one?"
"Of course." Yeri could barely contain a giggle, like this whole conversation was just too funny. "Just the ones I know—" She started to theatrically count them on her fingers, deep in thought, and something in Seulgi's chest began to sink.
"Okay, technically, no one's ever actually been her girlfriend or boyfriend, if that's what you're asking. What Yoo Jaeyi had was more of—" Yeri waved a hand, searching for the word "—flings. People that wanted her."
"Flings."
"Half of Chaehwa was in love with her, Seulgi, that's not gossip, that's just facts. I could name you six people who cried about her in a bathroom stall during exam season alone. And that's just our school — the boys' school next door had an unofficial fan club. She barely had to try." Something almost fond crept into Yeri's voice under the gossip.
Seulgi turned her cup a slow quarter turn. "Why didn't she date any of them?"
"You know her dad, right? Insane about the dating thing. No boys over, no unsupervised anything, complete control freak. Wouldn't let her have real friends half the time, let alone a boyfriend. So she'd hang out with boys mostly to piss him off."
Seulgi's throat felt tight. "And the girls?"
Yeri's squinted at that. "Ah. You know about the sleepovers, then."
Seulgi had never told anyone about that night, and she didn't believe Jaeyi was one to announce it either.
Yeri's mouth curved, not unkindly. "But yeah, every once in a while some girl got invited over — you know, totally normal sleepover, nothing her father could say a word about. And then—" she made a small explosion with her fingers "—never quite the same. Jaeyi would give them the cold shoulder, and I've seen some of them spiral. Nobody talks about it."
Seulgi turned her cup in a slow circle on the table and said nothing.
"For what it's worth," Yeri said, gentler than her usual register, "I don't think any of it was ever serious. I think she liked being wanted a lot more than she ever liked wanting someone back. Which, honestly—" she tipped her cup toward Seulgi like a small toast, "—is what makes you interesting. She's never once looked at anyone else the way she looks at you. I'd know. I've seen a lot."
She'd walked in expecting — she wasn't sure what, exactly. A name to curse. A face to be disgusted about. A person to measure herself against, some rival she could decide she'd beaten. What she got instead was better, but also worse: no rival at all, just a long line of people who'd loved Jaeyi and the uncertainty of whether Jaeyi had ever loved any of them back.
"Thanks," Seulgi said, and meant it.
"Don't thank me. Tip me." Yeri stood, scooping up both empty cups, already back in motion.
"I'm not paying you for gossip."
"You're not paying me for gossip. You're paying me for the coffee. The gossip's free." Yeri winked and headed for the counter, leaving Seulgi alone with a bitter aftertaste, but not from the coffee.
Seulgi's stepmother was in Busan for a conference until Sunday, which meant the apartment was theirs in a way it rarely got to be — no politeness required, no need to keep their hands to themselves on the couch, no rush to look like nothing was happening the second a key turned in the lock.
They were using approximately none of that freedom. They sat a respectable distance apart, watching some drama about high school sweethearts who meet again in their thirties.
"So he breaks up with her, disappears for fifteen years, and then comes back into her life expecting her to drop everything for him?" Jaeyi gestured at the screen with her spoon, ice cream halfway to her mouth.
"Apparently."
"What a jerk. She could have anyone she wants, why is she so hung up on this guy?" Jaeyi said, not for the first time, disgusted.
They watched it for a while longer. But Seulgi stopped paying attention.
"Jaeyi-ah," she called in a small voice.
"Huh?" Jaeyi responded absentmindedly, still looking at the screen.
"Why did you pick me?"
"What?" Jaeyi said, not moving her head. Seulgi wasn't sure whether she hadn't heard, or was choosing not to. She took the remote and muted the TV.
"You could have anyone you wanted too. I know you have a lot of admirers. Why me?"
For a moment, Jaeyi didn't respond. Then she set the ice cream down on the coffee table with deliberate care and turned to face Seulgi, expression already sliding into something lighter. A smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"Are you seriously asking me that right now?" she said, and there was a laugh threaded through it — the kind Seulgi had learned to recognize as avoidance. "You already got the bragging rights after we f—"
"Jaeyi."
The smile flickered. Jaeyi looked away, back at the television.
"That's not an answer," Seulgi said quietly.
"It's a completely reasonable answer," Jaeyi said, still not looking at her. "Can we just watch the show?"
Something twisted in Seulgi's chest — that familiar pattern. Jaeyi closing the door. Jaeyi deciding this conversation was over. Jaeyi moving on to the next thing, the next person—
"Too bad my bragging rights are not exclusive," Seulgi heard herself say, and the venom was already out before she could catch it.
"What?" Jaeyi's head snapped toward her.
"I know about all your flings." The words kept coming, feeding the hurt. "So I don't understand why I should feel special about this, Jaeyi. I don't understand why I'm different when you could get bored tomorrow and move on to another someone—"
Seulgi stopped, suddenly aware of how out of character her voice had gotten. How mean. How desperate.
Jaeyi was staring at her like she'd grown a second head, and Seulgi immediately regretted everything.
Jaeyi scoffed, already motioning to get up. Seulgi reached out without thinking, grabbing Jaeyi's wrist — not hard, just enough to keep her from disappearing.
"I'm sorry," Seulgi said quickly, the apology spilling out fast and clumsy. "I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm deeply sorry."
Jaeyi sat back down, wrist limp in Seulgi's hand, eyes still focused anywhere but her face.
"I've been thinking about what you said that morning," Seulgi started carefully, her thumb stroking the inside of Jaeyi's wrist. "About sleeping well next to someone. And I never asked who because I was scared of the answer. And then I was scared that I was just... another person in a long line of people you got bored with."
The silence stretched between them.
"So when you wouldn't answer me, I thought you'd already decided I wasn't worth keeping around. But the thing is..." She took a breath. "I don't actually think I have any right to react this way."
Jaeyi's wrist was still in her hand. She hadn't pulled away.
"Just because we had sex, it doesn't make me entitled to your body, and I don't get to be jealous of your past either. You get to have a whole life before me, and without me. You can let people close, or not, for whatever reason, and I don't get to have any say in it. I just—" She ran out of breath and had to pause to calm down. "I think I got a little possessive. And I'm sorry."
Jaeyi was very still. Seulgi could feel the tremor under her fingertips before Jaeyi even moved.
"It was you," Jaeyi said, her voice careful, controlled. "The thing I said that morning. There wasn't anyone else."
When Jaeyi turned back to her, her jaw was tight. Her eyes were bright but not quite spilling over.
"You're the only person I can really relax around," she said, finally, like she was testing the words in her mouth. "That's why I picked you— I don't know how to say it better than that."
Seulgi's breath caught.
"Remember our sleepover, when we met each other?" Jaeyi's hand turned under Seulgi's grip, not pulling away — just enough to lace their fingers together. "You lay beside me, without expecting anything, without trying anything. And then I just... slept the whole night? That was so rare for me. I've thought about it more than I'd ever admit."
Jaeyi wasn't looking at her. She was watching their joined hands like confessing to them was easier than confessing to Seulgi's face.
"I never invited anyone else again after that," Jaeyi continued, her voice lower now. "All those flings you heard about — they were before you. Before that night. And none of them were real. Not to me."
She stopped. Swallowed.
"We had such a wonderful night, and waking up next to you made me think of that sleepover, and how safe I felt back then. I guess it just slipped out of me." Her thumb traced lazy patterns on Seulgi's hand. "I didn't mean to mess with your head. I'm sorry."
Seulgi's chest constricted. She squeezed Jaeyi's hand gently.
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I was embarrassed. You were all hot and naked in front of me, and there I was being clingy—" Jaeyi exhaled, short and almost a laugh. "Basically admitting I'd been hopelessly in love with you since before you could even look me in the eye, let alone touch me. I didn't want to kill the mood."
"I could barely look you in the eye back then because I was gay panicking, Jaeyi."
Jaeyi laughed at that. "But you still accepted my invitation and let me feel like a person that day." She leaned over and gave Seulgi a peck on the lips. "Look at you now. Just gay. No panicking."
Seulgi moved before she could overthink it. She cupped Jaeyi's cheek with her free hand, and kissed her — slow and deliberate, tasting the confession on her tongue.
Instead of the tentative, reverent touches of before, Seulgi pulled Jaeyi closer, one hand sliding down her back, pressing her into the kiss with intention. I'm here. Be with me. Be mine. The kiss deepened, and Jaeyi made a small sound — surprise, maybe, or relief — and then she was kissing back harder, like she'd been starving for permission.
When they broke apart, both breathing heavy, Seulgi's face was flushed, determined, eyes still bright but different now. Not scared. Certain.
"We should probably stop assuming what the other one means and just—" Seulgi gestured vaguely at the space between them. "Talk about it. Even if we're scared or embarrassed."
Jaeyi didn't argue with that. Instead, she pulled back just far enough to swing one leg over Seulgi's lap. "Deal," she whispered, settling herself with a deliberate slowness that made Seulgi's breath catch.
Jaeyi's hands came up to frame Seulgi's face, and this time she was the one controlling the kiss — angling it how she wanted, taking what she needed.
In the afternoon light filtering through the curtains, Jaeyi looked almost ethereal — all sharp lines and soft skin, and Seulgi couldn't help but trace the dip of her collarbone with her fingers, then her lips.
"You're not going to leave me," Seulgi murmured against Jaeyi's collarbone, not quite a question.
"No," Jaeyi said firmly, her hands tight on Seulgi's hair. "Never. I'm choosing you every time."
"Good," Seulgi whispered, and kissed her again, slow and deep, like she had all the time in the world.
On the television, the female lead was crying in the rain, walking away from the male lead. Neither of them was watching anymore.