Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Akito’s vocal chords were worn out from constant strain from their new set list. Vivid Bad Squad had been rehearsing late into the evening at Weekend Garage, the current playground they frequented was under maintenance because some kids had came in and vandalized the area…

Warm tea slid down his throat, providing almost immediate relief afterwards. The ginger sighed once his lips were off the cup, “Thanks, Ken.” Akito grinned, looking up at An’s father.

Toya and Kohane were both slumped over the bar, completely drained by the non-stop practicing. All of them were pushing themselves for their next gig coming up. “No problem, just take it easy.” Ken said, nodding his head and offering a quick smile.

“Dad, we’re gonna be off now! I’m going to walk Kohane home, I’ll help close up later!” An called to her dad, hauling Kohane up off her feet with a shove and a teasing remark.

A few minutes later, all 4 of them were out the door. Thanking Ken on their way out of course.

“Akito, are you free this weekend?” Kohane asked drearily, obviously still tired. An and Toya were engrossed in their own conversation up ahead, it was mainly An talking however…. The sun was set by this point. Street lights had been kicked on and shone brightly from above them, rehearsal had dragged on awfully long today.

Recently Kohane had been begging for Akito to come to one of Wonderland x Showtimes plays at Phoenix Wonderland since they had become friends. The amount of times he’s had to redirect the conversation or reject her was too many times to count. Akito already knew this was going…

“I was wondering if you’d want to come to a show with me at PXL, I haven’t been able to get An or Toya to come with me…” Kohane mumbled, the poor girl was hoping Akito would finally agree.

She confirmed his suspicions. “Emu really wants me to come… and I just don’t want to go on my own.” Akito sighed with exasperation, how many times did he need to say no for her to understand? He couldn’t stand going there to watch Tsukasa and Rui perform on stage for over an hour!

Akito rubbed the corner of his eye in frustration as he thought, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go. It would be a nice way to connect with Kohane, after so long with singing and hanging out with her you’d figure they would have more one and one tine.

“Yeah, I’m free.” He finally responded as they rounded the corner and onto the main intersection where the group separated. “Just text me the time, okay?” He called out to her, hoping he wouldn't regret this as Kohane called out in an excited; “Okay!”

…

The army of people was to be expected on Saturday afternoon, both of them waited in line for at least 30 or 40 minutes. Thanks to Kohane’s thinking they had arrived an hour early just in case something like this had happened. They showed the workers their already-paid tickets that Emu had offered the moment Kohane told her both of them were coming.

It was almost like she had tickets tucked away in her backpack to hand out to any of her friends that informed her they were coming…

But anyway, It was sweet how Kohane always tried to go to each and every one of her girlfriend’s shows. Akito had really only come so she could be with her and he could stand off to the side, maybe talk to Nene… he still wasn’t sure.

The Wonder Stage and its members were preparing for their next performance. Attention was already being drawn as they set up. Pamphlets for the show were being handed out by some random employee, Akito decided to grab one and skimmed over it. “What is this play even about-?” He grumbled to Kohane, looking up from the paper only to find her gone.

Akito looked around, almost debating on calling out her name only to hear a loud squeal. He looked towards the sound to see Emu’s arms thrown around Kohane, rubbing her cheek against hers affectionately. Kohane was talking excitedly to her girlfriend, pointing over to Akito. Emu followed her line of sight, giving Akito a big wave. Akito smiled and gave a less than enthusiastic wave and node.

“Good grief.” Akito sighed once Emu’s attention shifted, clicking his tongue and finding a seat in the second row of benches. Since most of the seats were open he decided to sit on the outside, removing his jacket and placing it on the space next to him for Kohane

Akito pulled out his phone, flipping through his contacts. Nobody had texted him today except Toya, all it was was some social media post of open venues and dumb videos of chickens and bunnies.

Akito just sighed and placed his phone down. He didn’t need to respond to them immediately anyways. The ginger decided on flipping through the pamphlet provided, it was some sort of space themed show…? Rui starring as an alien, Emu and Tsukasa astronauts and Nene as someone down on Earth assisting the two astronauts.

It was an “unlikely tale of friendship and belonging.” Whatever that meant. Akito looked up from the piece of paper, looking for Kohane as more people swamped in. Once spotting the blonde, he waved her down to their spot, moving his jacket for her to sit.

So here he was, sitting on uncomfortable bleachers with Kohane at his side. He didn’t mind being out and about, PXL wasn’t a bad place to spend your Saturday. Especially in the spring, there was a cool breeze and lukewarm weather. The air smelled of faint grease and sweets. Which was to be expected at a theme park. Vibrant and vivid colors attacked his eyes, faint screams of people on rollercoasters could barely be heard over carnival music and chattering.

Akito slouched lazily, slipping the jacket back onto his body. It was just warm enough to wear one without completely sweating his eyes out. As WxS entered the stage, children and adults alike fell quiet, save for a few muttered whispers from toddlers who couldn’t stay still.

The curtains opened, Tsukasa and Emu began the show together. Akito really wasn’t paying attention to the lines or the singing as it went on for the next hour and thirty minutes.The story grew more intense, the climax approaching. The twist was dropped, then an intermission began. The whole time Akito’s eyes were trained on Tsukasa and Nene.

Tsukasa was attractive, nobody could deny that. Not even Akito, his ‘biggest hater’ (according to An) could deny that. From his blemish-free skin, his perfectly shaped lips, which were strangely never chapped, bright eyes, movie-worthy smiles. His hair looked immaculate no matter the conditions, he was ALWAYS in a good mood. And God he had a great voice on him when he wasn’t screaming his head off.

What the fuck was Akito on about? He was loud, over-bearing, and too dramatic. Tsukasa hadn’t done anything explicitly to make Akito hate him, it was just natural. They were two sides of the same coin, complete opposites.

Kohane was buzzing with joy while watching the story unfold, she was completely absorbed in it. Akito was not, he was busy glaring at the self-proclaimed star and leader of the troupe with annoyance. Akito could respect Tsukasa’s dedication to the arts and performance despite everything else. They were similar in that fact, constantly driving yourself towards your goal, for Tsukasa it was stardom, for Akito it was surpassing Rad Weekend.

Kohane was the first out of her seat once the interval was called by the same employee who was handing out pamphlets. She was rushing backstage to praise Emu and the other members for the stellar performance. (Even though it wasn’t even over…) Akito trudged at least 10 paces behind her, weaving around the people who had also stood up. He really didn’t want to interact with Rui or Tsukasa. The girls were tolerable, and because Emu was Kohane’s girlfriend, he appreciated her.

Nene and Rui were rereading their script, Emu was helping Tsukasa in touching up his makeup. It was orderly chaos with a few employees running around to change the scenery and props. Emu immediately spotted the two, ditching Tsukasa like he was a piece of dirt. “Hammie girl!” She squeaked, she dropped the eyeshadow and bounded towards Kohane. The pink ball of energy hurled herself onto the blonde, smothering her in affection once more.

Akito huffed and separated himself from the situation as soon as they began talking, hoping to avoid as much socialization as possible with the entertainers. Those wistful dreams were crushed immediately as Tsukasa shouted his name as loudly as possible.

“AKITO!!” Tsukasa shouted, “You came!” He said, flashing the street artist a smile that could melt any woman's poor heart. “Ah- err.. Yes.” Akito grumbled, looking off to the side. Looking into Tsukasa’s eyes was way too distracting. Way too damn bright. “Kohane invited me to come by to watch your show.” He explained, his voice drawn tight. His patience was already wavering not even 30 seconds in. He was a lost cause…

“I’m glad you were able to attend! Our troupe has poured hours of work into this performance! This has been our best one yet!” Tsukasa rambled on, completely ignoring Akito, slamming his fist into his chest and shaking his hair out of his eyes. Closing his eyes in dramatics and beaming, striking a pose. “I truly hope you enjoy our work! I aim to inspire the youth!” “Tsukasa, you’re only a year older than me-” “NONSENSE! I am still your senior and I must motivate you to become even better and rise to the top!” Akito gave up at that point, settling for groaning silently and allowing Tsukasa the “win” in his imaginary game.

“Azusawa had informed Emu earlier that you were attending! I was pleasantly surprised to hear the news.” Tsukasa repeated exactly what Akito mentioned earlier, placing his arm over Akito’s shoulder instinctively.

The actor turned to look at the girls, Nene hovering behind and smiling politely. Personal space wasn't a real thing in his mind if you asked Akito. “Yeah. It’s my first time seeing you perform seriously on your stage.” The ginger replied, hardly noticing the touch. Akito was so used to Tsukasa constantly grabbing his shoulders, wrists and such.

“Seriously?!” Tsukasa shouted, whipping head to face Akito. The boy just nodded reluctantly, internally grimacing at the idea of him spiraling into another rant. “Yup… I’ve seen you act in Drama before but not at your job.”

“I guess I’ll have to push myself even harder then! This will be my best performance yet, just for you! I must give my junior a fantastic first impression-”

“Tsukasa! Intermission is over, the set change has been finished.” Rui called from beyond the curtain, Akito breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, a reason for the blonde to get away from him! He looked over to the actor… was he pouting? To think of Tsukasa, the loudest person in Kamiyama High, probably in the whole world, to be POUTING over having to go on stage, was insane. Along with the fact he had just been talking about it! It was like a fever dream Akito couldn’t wake up from.

The ginger focused on Tsukasa’s lips, his bottom lip was pushed out, covered in chapstick. Pink, soft, round lips. What the actual fuck was he doing. Akito looked away immediately, muttering something under his breath. “Coming!” shouted Tsukasa, the second of pouting was over as quickly as it began. “I’ll see you later, Akito! Be sure to watch only me!” He departed with another charming grin and a glance over his shoulder. Only once had Tsukasa left did Akito notice the lack of a warm hand on his shoulder. “Ergh…” Akito groaned, brushing his shoulder like something dirty or disgusting had touched him.

“Akito, Emu said we could stay backstage if we wanted to. Do you want to go back to our seats or wait?” Kohane asked, she had already made herself quite comfortable in the seat Emu was previously in. Her legs were crossed and her skirt smoothed out. She glanced into the mirror and checked her pigtails. “It doesn’t really matter to me, it’s getting hot out there…” “You’ve got like 3 jackets on.” Kohane interrupted his whining. Akito didn’t have a rebuttal for that.

“Tsukasa seemed pretty keen on staying by your side…” Kohane dragged out while digging through Emu’s drawers of her vanity. The ginger eyed the smaller girl as she took out candy, polaroid photos, and hair accessories.

The backstage area was open and large. It had room dividers that were a few inches away from hitting the ceiling, separating the large area neatly. Props and set pieces were placed on and inside boxes, pushed to the side for further use. On another wall was where the vanities were set up, 4 vanities for 4 actors. Cords and wiring were strung all over the floor. It was a miracle nobody had damaged them or tripped over them. Costumes, completed or unfinished, were hanging on coat racks next to the boxes of props. Overall the area was an organized mess, some of the lights were burnt out and places were gathering dust.

“I guess, I don’t understand why though. I rarely talk to him unless Toya forces me to.” Akito responded, dragging his feet to a chair, shuffling off one of his many jackets and draping it over the chair behind him. “Plus I’d figured Kamishiro and Tsukasa would be glued at the hip, more-so than they already are… if you get what I’m saying.” He snickered and looked over to Kohane. He was met with a blank face.

“I don’t get it.” She tilted her head to the right. Akito’s smile dropped in annoyance, how could she not? It was so obvious they were gay. “I mean they’re faggots, queer people. Just look at how they act together, plus they’re theatre kids.” Kohane got quiet after Akito finished. She looked away, suddenly it was very, VERY awkward. “...Damn, take a joke, Kohane.”

It was so awkward and tense you could feel it in the air. Tough crowd, huh? Kohane stared at the hairclip in her hand, twisting it around her fingers and such. It was a bright yellow star, she looked back up at Akito. “I don’t understand why you’re being so hateful towards them, but Tsukasa and Rui are nice people… just,” she hesitated and looked away. Confrontation on such short notice was NOT her thing.

“Watch what you say, I guess. Someone might get the wrong idea… if there even is a good idea.” Akito scoffed and looked away. “Yeah, sure.” It wasn’t even Kohane’s place to dictate what he said and didn’t! He could say whatever he wanted, and there's no question that Tsukasa and Rui had something going on! He was just pointing it out, that’s all.

The silence continued afterwards, an odd feeling settling into Akito’s stomach. He crossed his arms and looked into the mirror, grimacing. What was there even to say now? Anything he could say would paint him out to be a bigger asshole anyway.

“I’m gonna go watch them now, bye.” Kohane excused herself and left backstage in a hurry. Exiting through the side door and to the benches. To really nobody’s surprise though. She left the yellow star hairclip behind.

“Whatever.” The ginger looked into the mirror of the vanity and adjusted the strings on his zip-up. He didn’t need Kohane here at all, he was perfectly content with sitting in the back, waiting for the show to end. Akito had caught a glimpse of a polaroid stuck onto the top of the mirror with duct tape. It was a blurry photo of Tsukasa. Akito reached out and plucked it off the side.

The blonde was in some dark room, the flash from the polaroid camera blinding his vision, causing Tsukasa to squint. Akito couldn’t quite make out where he was at all, it was just Tsukasa. He looked tired, slight eyebags and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as much as it usually did. However, it was still genuine. A side of Tsukasa Akito hadn’t ever seen before. The whole image seemed intimate in a sense.

He had a star hairclip pinning his fluffy bangs back. Akito thought back to the hairclip Kohane was fidgeting with it was most likely the same one. He tore his gaze away from the photo pinched between his index and thumb. The ginger spotted the star hairclip, it reminded him of An. He reached out and grabbed it. He held it up against the image, it really was the exact hairclip.

That fact made Akito crack a miniscule smile for whatever reason, he couldn’t pinpoint why…

Akito looked down into the bouquet of flowers in Tsukasa’s hand, bright yellow petals and a brown middle. They were sunflowers, fitting for the star. The ginger thought back to the wilting sunflowers in his own room that Ena had bought them for him along with a small container of cheesecake after she blew up on him one night. They didn’t like to talk through tough situations, giving gifts and a mumbled “Sorry,” was enough. Akito hummed and flipped the photo over, placing the hairclip on the vanity.

The back of the photo was written in Tsukasa’s flowy handwriting. “after show, flowers from wxs!!! 4/12/25.”

“Gross.” Akito mumbled, a stupid smile on his face as he tucked the printed photo in his pocket. He began to search through Tsukasa’s drawers, all he really found were scraps of paper, usually reminders. He was looking for something to write with and to write it on. The ginger glanced around and snagged a pen off a nearby clipboard, he ripped one of those scraps of paper and scribbled something down.

“cute hairclip - akito” in his chicken scratch handwriting.

He taped up the writing right where the polaroid had been previously and sat back down. Akito pulled out his phone and popped the phone case off, digging the polaroid from his pocket and slipping it in. Perfect place to hide the polaroid from the star and blackmail!

The street artist eventually got tired of digging and snooping throughout the backstage. Like the phone addict he was, he pulled out his phone and began scrolling through social media. His thoughts drifted back to the blonde. He recalled their interaction, “Be sure to watch only me!” but Akito never went out to see him perform. The street artist felt somewhat guilty for bailing on him like that.

Akito opened Instagram and searched the troupe's name in the search bar out of pure curiousity. The Wonderland x Showtimes official account popped up. Tsukasa’s account was linked in the bio for their mains, he clicked on it and began looking through the posts. Searching for more blackmail… or things to tease him about, or maybe just to see more of Tsukasa Tenma.

The posts were very few and far in between. The most recent one was 3 months ago when Toya had come over to the Tenma household and Saki did him and the blue haired boy’s makeup. It wasn’t too bad, and Tsukasa was obviously very proud of the work his little sister had done. Toya was embarrassed but didn’t entirely hate it. It was a nice photo, Saki had taken it in a selfie pose with a peace sign, Tsukasa was very obviously in the middle of talking while striking a pose. You could practically see the comical sparkles around his face, Toya was smiling up at the camera.

Akito’s thumb hovered above the heart button, almost instinctually to scroll as Emu burst through the backstage. “SHINONOME!!!” “HOLY SHIT- Ootori!?” Akito almost died of a heart attack right then and there, he pressed down on the heart button. The faint noise of Tsukasa’s phone buzzing could be felt from inside one of the many drawers in alert. “Damn it..” He whispered, now it was time to panic.

“I finished my part, now I get to wait while the others wrap up the play!! They have one more musical number and I gotta go back out there for the final bow!! I had a lot of fun!” She spoke hurriedly, like there wasn’t enough time in the world for all her thoughts to be said. Akito removed his like from the image and turned off his phone, accepting his fate of ridicule from An and Mizuki pretty soon. The notification wouldn’t just disappear from Tsukasa’s phone just because Akito removed it.

“Oh yeah? What was your part again?” He asked with a smile, the same “good guy” personality he threw on with people he wasn’t familiar/comfortable with. “I was just a side character, but I think I did a really good job with supporting Tsukasa’s part! I was an astronaut helping Rui come down to Earth to make friends! Pretty super cool don’t you think!?” Emu’s voice had kicked down her volume a notch as she sank into a nearby chair, facing Akito with a big smile. She had noticed Akito’s fake smile. It was impossible for her NOT to.

Their conversations continued on, just idle chit-chat. It was primarily Emu who was talking, Akito listening and offering a few words in exchange.

Emu fidgeted in her seat. She was beginning to grow restless, being around somebody who constantly faked who they were was frustrating. Poking a little at the bear wouldn’t hurt, right? The pink haired girl stood up and marched over to Akito after shifting around for a minute, still rambling on about the show. A mischievous grin slipping onto her usual joyful expression.

“Uh… what are you doing?” Akito asked. He leaned back in Tsukasa’s chair as she got closer, Emu stood before him and snatched the hairclip off the vanity. “Stay still for a sec!” She chirped, unclipping it and leaning forward, entrapping Akito in the chair. She pushed his bangs back and placed the clip in his hair, Akito’s face was flushed bright pink. His face almost looked like Emu’s hair. He smacked her hand out of his face and pushed himself back. “Don’t put weird shit in my hair! Don’t touch my hair, period!” He shouted, his persona faltering almost immediately. The ginger turned to look in the mirror to see what damage Emu had caused. The street artist’s orange bangs were pinned back with a star hairclip, “Uuaaagghh… dude… I spent so long on my hai-“

“GREAAATTT SHOW EVERYBODY!”

Oh God, oh no. It was the stupid blonde with his stupid friends, the stupidly handsome blonde actor. Akito whipped his head so fast he almost got whiplash. His eyes widened and he somehow got redder, his senior was going to see him in some stupid hairclip! The same hairclip HE had worn before. Tsukasa’s over exaggerated smile fell flat on his face as he stared at Akito.

He was so adorable. That was the only thought flowing through the actor's head. Tsukasa had never seen Akito with his hair pinned back and with flushed cheeks, in HIS chair. It was enough to make him want to melt into the ground and never return. Tsukasa would’ve done anything to see the moments leading up to this, his silly crush fantasies were finally being realized. Was this Heaven?

Rui looked over to Tsukasa in his sudden silence. “Tsukasa?” Rui tried, it was futile. Akito looked away awkwardly, checking his hair over once more. The hairclip look wasn't bad on him, he just hated having his hair fidgeted with by people he didn’t trust. Akito sighed, glaring up at the triumphant Emu.

Tsukasa’s thoughts didn’t stop running. There was no chance THE Akito Shinonome was sitting in HIS vanity, wearing HIS hairclip after visiting one of HIS shows. It was all too much… Tsukasa cleared his throat and approached Akito slowly. “Wow, uhhh… nice hairclip, Akito! It suits your orange hair nicely!” “You can thank ME for that!” Emu cheered, a bright grin on her face. She placed her hands on her hips as Akito heard a shutter camera click, it was Nene. Nene was taking a photo of him. NOW he really was gonna hear it from Akiyama and An…

“You can have the hairclip if you want, you look really uh.. good in it.” Tsukasa mumbled, he was abnormally quiet and bashful. Was Tsukasa uncomfortable with Akito taking his stuff and being in his seat??!! “Nah, it's okay. You can have it back.” Akito reached up to take it out but Emu grabbed his wrist. “No! Keep it, it’s mine anyways and I don’t really like it… plus, you look super duper adorable in it! Pretty pleaseeee, keep it!!” Emu begged, a small frown appearing on her face, almost like a sad puppy. “Okay.” Akito grumbled, seeing Emu upset was something no one could handle.

“Where’s Kohane?” Akito asked in a lame attempt to redirect the conversation off his new look. Pushing himself up from the chair and looking around Tsukasa and the tall, purple haired boy. “Oh, she left after talking to us for a little while. Said she had plans with Toya or something.” Nene answered, a small smirk on her face as she texted somebody on her phone. “Mhm, she seemed in quite a rush, Shinonome. Did something happen?” Rui asked, looking back at him. Akito thought back to earlier and shuffled. “Nah.” Akito looked over to Tsukasa and he was staring right at the ginger. A blank, far away, expression was on his face.

Akito felt his face cool down, he cleared his throat. The face Tsukasa was giving him made him feel self-conscious for whatever reason, as if he were trying to look past whatever front he put up. The ginger forced himself to look away

“Anyways, I oughta get out of your guy's hair so you can change and get unready.” Akito spoke up as Rui and Emu began chattering away and moving farther into the backstage. “Alright, see you at school tomorrow! PLEASEEEE WEAR THAT CLIP TO SCHOOL! We all can match!! Let’s all wear cute star hairclips tomorrow!!” Emu suggested, turning away from Rui and waving goodbye, bouncing on her feet. Emu didn’t even go to the same school as them…

“I like… have SOOOO many!! Rui can have a teal, Tsukasa can have an orange, Nene can have a pink and I can have the green one!” The pink haired girl was bouncing up and down excitedly, spinning around and rummaging in her drawer. “I’m not against it.” Nene replied. “It would be nice to match with everybody.” Rui spoke with a smile, glancing back over to the blonde at his side, nudging him in the ribs.

“Ah! Yes! Sounds like a great plan, Emu!” Tsukasa grinned, snapping out of his daze. Slapping a hand on his chest and puffing his chest out. “We will all be dazzling stars like myself with these fabulous hairclips!” The actor stepped closer to Akito and brought a hand up to brush at his hair. “Just like our dear friend, Akito!” Said “dear friend” proceeded to smack Tsukasa’s hand and step back. “Well, I’ll take my leave now.” Akito grumbled, what was Tsukasa’s deal with touching him? It was seriously weird.

Akito waved goodbye to everyone but Tsukasa and promised to Emu he would wear the clip to his school.

…

Tsukasa laid on his floor after dinner at his house, his mother and Saki had made dinner together and it tasted fabulous as always. But the actor was still curled up and holding his stomach like he was in pain, to see him curled up so small when he always took up space was unusual. He wasn’t thinking of anything deep or depressing, just Akito. Only Akito, his face was bright red. It was pathetic.

Bright green shining eyes, flaming orange hair, fair, tan skin with soft freckles. Soft pink lips that were always smooth, pierced ears and a mole next to his collarbone. He only knew that one because he visited a VBS show for Toya and he tore off his shirt to a tanktop. That was hot. WHAT?! Tsukasa groaned loudly and gripped his hair, flipping back. “Fuucckk…” he never cussed. Never, but here he was. Over his JUNIOR. “Over a hairclip.” He grumbled, untangling his fingers from his hair and gripping his carpet.

Akito was gorgeous, that moment constantly replaying in his mind. The whole thing made him insanely warm and fuzzy, it was such an odd feeling. Tsukasa knew of the ginger the day Toya had met him, he had immense respect for the boy because of his role he played in Toya's acceptance of himself. Never had he thought he would be developing feelings for him.

But he had been developing feelings for over a year now…

There was ALWAYS underlying tension from Tsukasa's perspective, he always figured it was because of Akito's strong “dislikeness” of the star.

Did that eye contact mean anything?

The blonde groaned, the question echoing inside his mind. He pushed himself up and took his phone. Tsukasa needed somebody to confess to. He decided Rui would be best.

“Would you kill me if I said I liked Akito?”

“nah, y?”
“expected it bc of the way u looked at him today and for the past few months to a year”

Tsukasa rolled around on his floor and snatched his star plush, burying his face inside of it and kicking his feet. If Saki had come in, he would’ve never heard the end of it. What did Rui even mean by that? “Previously”, had he always had feelings for him? Did he not even realize it? Tsukasa thought back to when they shared his luncheon together… the VBS show, every little moment he shared with Akito. He definitely had been.

Tsukasa should try to get closer to him! That’s the only reasonable thing to do when you have a crush!

Tsukasa was an idiot when it came to relationships, he had a very minor crush on everyone in his troupe. They were all so talented and amazing people, how could he not? Especially Emu and Rui. Actually, he and Rui had tried being a thing once but it never worked out, now they’re best friends. “I’ll make him a cheesecake tomorrow… Maybe that’s enough. Win him over with food! The key to a woman’s heart is through food, right?” Akito isn’t a woman sadly. Wait, Akito isn’t a woman…

IS AKITO EVEN GAY?!
…

While Tsukasa was having his meltdown, Akito was staring at the polaroid he had stolen. A strange, tight feeling in his chest as he fiddled with the hairclip in his free hand. He felt guilty. Guilty for calling Tsukasa a faggot and annoying behind his back, but also for just being an asshole to him. He knew Tsukasa didn’t really care all that much. Even through his biting words and teasing, the peach colored boy always tried to make an effort for him.

It didn’t make sense for Tsukasa to try so hard for somebody who didn’t even like him. The shared lunches, the way he looked at him after that performance. Both his own and Tsukasa’s. The eye contact that was made on stage, either at PXL or at live houses. Even Tsukasa’s constant touching.

Akito had no reason to be so hurtful towards the boy. The only crime he had committed was being loud and arrogant. Occasionally, the two would share that spot underneath the tree where he had heroically saved Tsukasa from a spider. It was cozy, a nice spot to just hang out. Tsukasa allowed himself to be quiet and just relax for a moment. Or he would ramble on and on about classes, his troupe members, people in the hallways, et cetera. It was nice, but it annoyed Akito how he never shut up.

But it was nice that Tsukasa didn’t need him to respond. Everyone always expects something out of a conversation, Tsukasa didn’t. He was happy to chatter away without a single hum of acknowledgment.

“Errghh.. stupid theatre kids.” Akito grumbled, he felt dirty. Dirty for talking to someone like Tsukasa, dirty for allowing him to touch him, dirty for allowing himself to feel so sensitive and sappy over a man. It wasn’t right. Only girls should have him feeling like that. So what was up with it now? The way the blonde had looked at him backstage was different, different from how everybody else did. No girlfriend he ever had or any crush he had looked at him like that. Nobody.

Akito couldn’t stand to hold that image any longer, it was burning his fingers. He slid it back into his phone case and wiped his hands. Why did he even grab it? Weird.

The ginger pulled his covers over his head, hyper aware of every pore on his body and everything touching him. Disgusting. It was shameful to stare at another man like that. He should avoid Tsukasa from now on to prevent this kind of reaction. It was too much to feel like this. It was wrong. Akito had felt this way over Toya some time ago.

Akito labeled it as “admiration”, but it was so much more than that. A feeling he could have never described with words, his chest swelled with deep affection and pain every time Toya would sing with him, every touch felt so painfully intimate. Even a brush of the shoulder had his skin burning.

But it was wrong. Two men couldn’t love each other. That fact had been drilled into his head, over and over again by his father. It didn’t help his mother reinforced that.

So he pushed everything down after the kiss they shared after An dared them to.. He wasn’t allowed to feel that way. He had tried opening up to his mother about his weird feelings towards Toya, and she called him sinful. It was wrong. So so wrong.

Now it was happening with Tsukasa.

He had to squash the feelings before they became something more. He considered talking to Ena, but no. She would only tease him or try to make him go after the boy. He couldn’t have that happen, their dad would kill him.

…

The rest of the weekend flew by in a blur. Tsukasa had finally calmed down and passed out in his bed while scanning over the new script Rui was drafting to distract himself, the director never took breaks. Akito slept in that curled up position. Ena had walked in a few times out of habit to make sure he wasn’t doing anything illegal. Not that Akito was dumb enough to do it when she was home.

Akito had showered that morning, scrubbing himself extra hard for some reason. Trying to wash the sin off of his body, maybe to rid himself of every disgusting thought that formed in his brain about Tsukasa.

Before heading off to class he remembered to clip the hairclip into his bangs. Akito had promised Emu he would. Tsukasa, Nene, and Rui would all chastise him if he didn’t.

Morning classes were easy, it was a dragging Monday. He struggled in Math and English per usual, his idle chatter with Nene and An was normal. The only “new” thing was An teasing him over the hairclip after Nene showed her a picture.

Akito purposefully avoided Tsukasa and took different routes to classes. Toya was obviously confused by this new behavior but followed suit anyway.

Then lunch came, a dreaded time for the red head. Toya had club activities today, he wouldn’t be able to hide with the two hair colored boy. The rooftop would be infested with the pink demon and her evil sidekick, An Shiraishi… Plus he wasn’t too keen on seeing two girls kiss and hold hands. It reminded him of last night. It was still gross, but he tried pushing those feelings down and held his tongue. An and Mizuki were happy together, they were cute too. Same went for Kohane and Emu.

Maybe today Tsukasa would have club activities or would sit with Rui and Nene…

God was not merciful that day when the ginger found his napping spot, there was a peach haired boy with a bento box in his lap. He looked fidgety..?

“Tsukasa?” Akito called out to the boy. His voice strained, immediately regretting calling out to him. Shoving his hands in his pocket and rubbing his thumb over his phone case. “Ah, Akito! I came to share my cheesecake once more! Saki made too much the other night and figured, instead of dumping it, I would offer it to my favorite junior!” Tsukasa delivered flawlessly. It felt like a rehearsed script. A bright smile plastered onto his glowing face. “I also brought it as a thank you for visiting our show!”

“Oh, thanks.” Akito mumbled, sitting down next to him. He couldn’t pass up free cheesecake! That would be insanity. “Your play was nice. Even if I didn’t see half of it.” Akito tried to start up a conversation after a minute of awkward silence, he wasn’t good with these. Tsukasa handed Akito a wet wipe, he cleaned his hands out of habit.

After all the times they had shared food (a record breaking number of 2), Akito had learned to just accept whatever Tsukasa said. It beat arguing over it.“I appreciate the compliment! I really enjoyed it and I had a feeling the whole audience did as well! We had many younger kids in that show, but it was also fantasy related. I can’t be too surprised.”

Tsukasa handed Akito a fork. “Rui had a lot of fun directing the show as well, Nene seems to become more and more comfortable on stage, Emu is doing fantastic as always! She really does steal the show, even if it’s a minor character role. A lot of the younger girls LOVED her! It was adorable.” Akito listened as he began stabbing the cheesecake and shoving it into his mouth. To do this he had to lean over and reach towards Tsukasa’s lap.

It fell back into silence,though it wasn’t as awkward as before. It felt strange though, especially after the previous night. The sounds of birds echoed around their little area, distant chattering from students down the path drifted towards them. Rustling trees from the spring breeze.

“You looked nice in that outfit, who does your clothing?” Akito spoke up, reaching forward for his last bite. He wasn’t actually curious at all. It was just a conversation starter to keep himself from thinking too hard about their interaction.

“Ah, it’s usually myself who comes up with the ideas! I help with the creation and templates, but Akiyama does most of the sewing. I just give her everyone’s measurements and our ideas! They’re a great help and a surprisingly good worker. Despite her constant work with N25, she always leaves room for us.” The cheesecake was delicious, it was like heaven on his tongue. Seriously, the Tenma’s had a way with baking. Most likely it was because Saki was friends with Honami.

Akito looked up at Tsukasa since he was hunched over, the star hairclip was missing. “Hey, where’s your clip?” He pointed to the star pinning back the bangs on the left side of his own head. “Oh, it’s in my pocket!” The blonde reached into his pocket and pulled out the clip, dropping in Akito’s hand. “Could you please put it in my hair? I’m afraid I might put it in wrong or it’ll look bad. I trust you’ll make me look half as dazzling as yourself!”

“Sure, but why can’t you just use a mirror?” Akito grumbled, now he was stuck putting a hairclip in his senior’s hair. This wasn’t something weird, girls do this for their friends all the time! It was normal, right?

Akito straightened up his posture and unclipped the star, reaching up to his hair. This was weird, disgusting. Disgusting. It was wrong. So gross. Why did he agree to this? He wanted to rip away from him, make some lame excuse like needing to take a piss. But he didn’t.

He thought back to the polaroid, and recreated that image. The ginger pushed back his bangs with his hand and slid the hairclip through the strands, popping it to hold the hair in place.

Akito had his hand resting right above the actor’s ear, soft strands brushing against his fingertips. Soft, healthy hair was all he felt. He swallowed and made eye contact with the boy. It felt like hours but only lasted no more than 10 seconds. Gorgeous. Disgusting. Horrible. Never think that again. Only fags think like that.

“There.” He finally managed to croak out, dropping his hand.

His heart was pounding against his ribs, if they were any closer he was sure Tsukasa would’ve heard it. His hands were trembling, why? It was just a hairclip, he turned away and picked back up his fork. Tsukasa dug out his phone and opened the camera app, checking the ginger’s work.

Soft hair. Soft blonde and pink hair. He wanted to reach back up and make some excuses that it was ugly or he did something wrong just to keep touching him. Touching Tsukasa was wrong, he shouldn’t ever do it again, but he still wanted to. He wanted to do more than that. “This looks great, thanks!” Tsukasa said, looking over to the boy next to him.

“Can we take a picture?” The star just wanted a picture of both of them in their star hairclips… “I need to prove to Emu we’re matching or she’ll be upset.” Tsukasa lied. “Yeah.” Akito looked up at Tsukasa’s phone as he leaned closer to him to fit into the frame. Tsukasa put on another dazzling smile, Akito forced himself to wear a small one. Click!

The picture was taken and Tsukasa moved away, Akito exhaled in relief. Space was good, closeness was revolting. But that’s all he wanted. It was quiet the rest of lunch, Tsukasa had stopped talking to finish the rest of his food and Akito was lying down next to him. He had taken off his jacket, Tsukasa staring too intently as he did, and laid his head on it. Facing away from Tsukasa of course.

Napping would be impossible if the actor was there, maybe talking would make it less awkward? Maybe just being friends would be enough, not close friends. Just two guys who are nice to each other. That’s okay. That’s normal.

“Did you and Rui ever date?” Akito spoke without thinking. “Yeah, it was only for around a month.” Tsukasa replied smoothly. He didn’t seem too bothered about the sentiment. “It wasn’t because he was a bad boyfriend or anything, it was just… I dunno, awkward? Plus, being two guys in this conservative and anti-gay community isn’t the greatest idea.”

“Gross, did you ever kiss?” Gross? Did he seriously just say gross? “Uhh, no.” “Have you ever had your first kiss?” Akito kept throwing rapid fire questions towards him, his mouth moving faster than his own brain can. The ginger wasn’t sure why he was talking so much now… “No. Have you?” Why was Akito so suddenly interested in his dating life?

“Yeah, last year, or maybe two years ago… I can’t remember.” “With who?” Tsukasa pushed. Akito was silent. It was just an experiment, he swore it was. To really test if he was gay or not, and it was just a dare. A stupid dare done by An and Kohane. It made him throw up and brush his teeth 6 times once he got home. “Don’t laugh at me, but An and Kohane had dared me to kiss.. Toya… because… I don’t know. It was gross. I hated it.” He was lying straight through his teeth, he bent his knees more and tried to curl back up.

“I’m not gay.” Akito swore, pushing himself up and staring at Tsukasa. Saying that felt wrong, he was lying to himself. That’s all he ever did when it came to these feelings. “Ah… I never said you were.” Tsukasa looked down at him, a sympathetic smile on his face. It was meant to de-escalat the situation. The peach haired boy could tell the other hated this topic, he looked ready to throw up all over again just thinking about it.

It was silent again. The bell was gonna ring soon. The blonde was wrapping up his lunch and stood up. Tsukasa was too nervous to pry further and Akito had turned away from him. Why was he admitting everything? And to Tsukasa?!

Akito sat up properly and reached out for Tsukasa again, grabbing his sleeve. His paranoia of his secret being spilled to anybody else compelled him to do so. Not because he wanted to touch him. Definitely not.

“Please don’t tell anybody. Don’t mention it to Toya or An or Kohane, and definitely don’t tell Rui, I don’t care. I don’t even know why I told you! ” Akito was begging at this point, looking up at Tsukasa. Real vulnerability shown on his face. “Of course I won’t, I promise.” Tsukasa smiled, he reached up and ruffled Akito’s hair, while he was here he might as well indulge himself just a bit. It was also to bring Akito out of his funk. “Don’t touch the hair!” The red head snapped and smacked Tsukasa’s hand away.

He sat there for a little longer, reflecting on their conversation heavily. Why did he feel comfortable enough to admit everything to him? Well… not everything. But most of it! Akito groaned, embarrassment and fear washing over him. Sin had already rooted itself in his heart.

“I’m so lame.” Akito mumbled to himself, grabbing the jacket he had been laying on and stood up. If he walked fast enough he could catch up to Toya at the library.

…

Over a week or more had passed from that last conversation, they’ve barely interacted since. Akito didn’t avoid him as often, but he rarely seeked him out. Kohane informed him of another show. He went with her.

Akito was surprised Kohane even wanted to go with him again after everything he had said, but decided not to worry too much on it. They arrived an hour early, watched the play, and went out to eat with the troupe. Tsukasa sat between Rui and Akito. Kohane sat between Emu and Nene.

All 6 of them were squished into one booth… the entire time they were eating, Rui’s long legs kept shifting to stay on the booth without falling over, constantly nudging Tsukasa’s thighs into Akito’s. It was impossible for him not to notice.

It was a miracle Tsukasa didn’t say anything though, Akito wouldn’t be able to process it. The constant friction between their thighs was definitely a test from whatever higher being in the sky to test his heterosexuality. All Akito could do was make annoyed faces, small teases and groans of frustration.

Occasionally he smiled and laughed at whatever the girls said, Emu was surprisingly hilarious. Akito didn’t get to talk to her very often, only relayed information from her friends. It was cute how they described her.

But eventually everyone had to go home, Nene and Rui were exhausted from performing in the entering heat of summer and Kohane and Akito had practice at Weekend Garage earlier in the day so they all had time to study for end-of-the-year exams.

Over time however, Akito came to more shows, and Tsukasa actively seeked him out during lunch. The two boys steadily grew closer, organizing hangouts over their summer vacation between their two groups, or just them as a duo.

…

It was 1:23 AM and for whatever reason, Akito and Tsukasa were still awake. The stopwatch in the top right corner that measured the time they were on call had reached 3 hours. Akito was ever so passionately expressing his intense hatred for dogs. “It was so stupid, I was like… 6? And this dog had chased me while I was on the playground. I was bawling my eyes out and yelling for Ena to come and save me. It was this big, white, fluffy thing and it BARKED.” Akito ranted on, Tsukasa could only watch from his screen. They were on facetime, calling for probably the 4th time that week. Just regular check-ins, a nice interruption in the schedule Tsukasa had carefully built for himself.

Tsukasa would receive random calls from Akito while he was at rehearsal. It was mainly Akito showing off his outfit or informing him of some “fantastical” thing he learned from Toya while at practice.

The calls annoyed his troupe mates, primarily Nene. She always would ask him after the call would end why he couldn’t just text him. Tsukasa would shrug and smile, he couldn’t hide how giddy it would make him feel just hearing Akito’s voice directed towards him.

Especially if his tone wasn’t full of annoyance or exasperation, it was something Tsukasa was sure he could listen to all his life.

They’d always call after rehearsals since school had ended. Turns out, WxS and VBS both had similar rehearsal time, it made sense since all of the teenagers, excluding Kohane and Emu, got out of school at the same time. Akito was pacing around in his room, reenacting the scene for the peach haired star.

Tsukasa noted that the ginger was wearing a black hoodie and basketball shorts, it was a comfortable look. It was strange seeing the other in anything other than his school uniform or performance-wear. His constant layering of clothes always confused Tsukasa. How was he not smoltering? He welcomed the unfamiliar feeling. The star’s brain spinning it into a daydream.

Soft morning sunrise shining it’s way onto Akito’s cheeks as he laid in his bed, covered in blankets and wearing that same pair of shorts and black hoodie. It was perfect, his orange hair shielding his face, eyelashes that rested on top of his skin delicately. The kisses of sun on his cheeks and nose being even more prominent in the light.

“We should have a sleep over some time, just you and me.” Tsukasa had interrupted, barely paying attention to whatever Akito was rambling about. He was too caught up in his daydream to worry about his fear of dogs.

Akito looked up. “Why though? I doubt you’d wanna come over to my house, Ena is a pain in my ass and not even Toya has come over…” Akito questioned, pausing his story to respond to him. “Plus, I don’t want you meeting anybody in my family other than Ena.”

“I mean, like… you’d come over to my place. My house is pretty large anyways, and I have a lot of extra futons if you would want them! My mother doesn’t care who I bring over, and neither does Saki. She always brings home Shiho, Honami, and Ichika.” Tsukasa’s face filled up the whole screen, only seeing his bright, sparkling eyes and blonde and pink hair. The light from his phone illuminates his face.

“Uhhh, yeah. My parents don’t really care where I go as long as I let them know. Maybe sometime next week?” Akito grabbed his phone off his desk where it was leaning up against a water bottle, throwing himself into his bed and getting comfortable. “Okaaayyyy! It’s set! Don’t forget either, and don’t make plans with other people!” Tsukasa called.

“Uh huh…” Akito sighed, “goodnight, Tsukasa.” He mumbled, leading into a yawn. “Goodnight, Akito! I apologize for keeping you awake so long into the night! I hope you have amazing dreams!” Tsukasa grinned, moving the phone away from his face and giving him a thumbs up. “Mhmm..” The ginger could only agree, rubbing his eyes and hanging up on the blonde.

Dropping his phone onto his chest, Akito didn’t bother getting under the covers. Passing out soon after.

The sleepover went by smoothly, Akito had arrived that night after dinner in order not to inconvenience anyone in particular. It was their first sleepover, it was unexpectedly awkward as hell when Akito first walked into his room. The missing wall was immediately brought up.

“Why do you have a missing wall?!” Akito nearly yelled, dropping his small bag of clothes at the door. Placing his hand on the railing and leaning over, he had a clear view of their living room and the kitchen.

Tsukasa laughed awkwardly, he was so used to having a missing wall he never thought too deeply about it. “Did they never think of building a wall here? Your parents are rich, they could’ve done it anytime they wanted!” Akito complained for him, looking over his shoulder to face Tsukasa.

“I’ve never really minded it, I’ve had this room for a long time.” Tsukasa replied, approaching Akito and leaning over the railing himself. “It gets annoying when my mom is watching TV at night, but other than that I’ve never complained.” He hummed, tapping the wood. “Weirdo…” Akito muttered. 20 impure thoughts flooding his head immediately.

How did he change and jerk off?! Barely a nanosecond later, images of Tsukasa shirtless and such flooded his mind. Akito groaned lowly, a lump forming in his throat as he shoved the fantasies and ideas down.

Brushing that thought off, Akito leaned back and looked over the rest of his room. It was mostly bland and overall lame for someone with such a bold personality. The large windows gave him barely any privacy. Seriously, how did this guy live?!

“I guess you never need to turn on the overhead light…” Akito joked, he felt bad for him in a sense… The windows took up a whole wall and he didn’t even have a wall on the other side of the room. The plants were a nice touch though.

Tsukasa didn’t have much to say when it came to his room, he showed Akito his small collection of manga from when he was in middle school and elementary, primarily Shonen Jump. The rest of Tsukasa’s books were either self-help books, famous actors, or books on musicals and show production.

After they got Akito’s sleeping situation done, which was him laying on the floor next to his bed in a futon, they migrated downstairs. Since Akito had already eaten dinner, they watched a movie and played a few street-fighter games.

The movie was some shitty Western movie about some girl moving to the country after living in the city her whole life and falling in love with a rancher. Usually Tsukasa was all about that rom-com life, but this one was so unbearable he couldn’t finish it. Akito was giggling 70% of it, complaining about it the rest.

For some ungodly reason, Tsukasa was insanely good at them. To the point where it was annoying, he must’ve played these when he was bored… Akito would attempt to either cheat or throw him out of focus but slamming himself into the blonde or yammering away about ANYTHING. It only worked once, when he shuffled up to his side and leaned heavily on him.

Tsukasa’s hands had stopped moving on the controller, his ears tinting a deep red that Akito didn’t notice. He was too focused on the screen in front of him, a desperate and cheeky attempt to win at least one round.

But once they had their fill of street-fighter games, both of the boys moved up to Tsukasa’s room. It was reaching midnight by now and they had to settle down. Akito sat in Tsukasa’s desk chair, had already changed into comfortable clothing and was listening to Tsukasa talk. It wasn’t about anything in specifics, just idle chatter to fill the silence.

He danced from talking about his sister–Saki–to his troupe members. Tsukasa talked about how nervous he was for next year's physics class, he already knew it was going to be twice as hard. The blonde had only passed due to Rui’s assistance.

Akito didn’t have much commentary, already falling into the clutches of sleep by now. Tsukasa noticed this and recommended they sleep. He then had Akito go brush his teeth with him and wait for him to finish his skincare routine…

After nearly 20 minutes of waiting, they were finally in bed and asleep. It was finally silent, the AC hadn’t even kicked on yet. Akito’s thoughts began to drift…

The only thing Akito had been thinking of while sleeping on the floor next to Tsukasa’s bed was how easy it would be to slide in with him. Yeah, it was a weird thought to be having about his supposed friend, something he should never think about. It wasn’t normal.

“Tsukasa?” Akito asked hesitantly, his voice was barely above a whisper. He sounded self-conscious, something the boy hadn’t heard from Akito before.

“Mhmm..?” He hummed, sleepily, flipping around in his bed to lay sideways. Scooching closer to the edge of his bed, hanging his hand off the end.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” He asked hesitantly, Akito's eyes running around everywhere but to Tsukasa.

The question hung in the air as Tsukasa processed them, in his half-asleep state it was impossible to pick apart a sentence and properly respond. “No… not really. I just think you’re my friend, y’know…? I have a lot of fun with you, you make me feel…” He trailed off, searching for words. Blinking slowly as if they would float by and he would spot them. “...special, I guess. Like, I don’t have to try. I can just be me, whatever that may be. I’m not Tsukasa Tenma, the future world star, leader of Wonderland x Showtimes. I’m not Tsukasa Tenma, the weird theatre kid who’s apart of Weirdo Wombo Combo. I’m just.. Tsukasa. I dunno… It’s like 2 in the morning, Akito. I love you, but please… sleep.”

‘I love you…’ The words echoed in his mind, Tsukasa loved him?

“Love you too… goodnight.” Akito mumbled, watching as Tsukasa made no effort to move back to his previous position. The soft glow from the street lamps outside brought this comfortable orange feeling, enveloping the area in a sort of dream-like state. It honestly didn’t feel real to Akito, the words, the experience, the fact he was away from his family just to be with this stupid guy he hated a year ago. Exchanging sweet words like “I love you.” He’s never said that to anyone before.

He sat in silence for nearly 15 minutes, waiting for the boy to fall asleep, the gentle inhale of snores and exhale of silence filling the room. Akito shuffled in his futon, scooting closer to the bed. Each movement caused his heart to beat faster, his head to spin with more “worst-case scenarios.” Reaching for the hand that draped over the bed, he paused.

The idea that Tsukasa would wake up and realize how disgusting Akito was for touching his hand, for holding it, truly terrified him. The kind words he had spoken to the ginger were practically forgotten in this moment of vulnerability, the comforting speech he had given was wiped from memory. Replaced with fear, dread, and mild limerence.

Akito’s rough, calloused hands had taken the pianist's own. His thumb running down his smooth and moisturized hands. His nails and cuticles were well taken care of, it looked as if he had actually done them last night.

Fingers trailed up the inside of his palm, his thumb pressing down onto his pulse point on his wrist. Mentally counting each beat that passed by. He treated Tsukasa’s hand like it was something satanic, but also an item of worship.

Tsukasa mumbled something in his sleep, completely incoherent, but obviously in response to whatever actions Akito was doing with his hand. The blonde’s hand retracted back into the safety of his bed, flipping back over to face the wall of windows. The action somehow felt rejecting, even if it wasn’t intentional. Even in Tsukasa’s subconscious, he’ll always turn away from Akito and what he desires most.

Akito stared at the mattress, it was impossible to glance at the blonde headed boy from the angle he was at currently. He rolled back over, mimicking Tsukasa’s behavior. It was better than staring at some blue sheets in the dark.

…

Bright, flashing lights shone on Tsukasa’s face as he delivered his lines, sweat dripping down his neck because of the blazing heat. It was summer now, well into it as well. The Wonderland Stage was being utilized for rehearsal for its actors.

A full run through was being done, their show would be performed in a few days time. Akito sat in the front, being an audience member for WxS and their next show. The rehearsal was dragging on, but it was interesting to see how they operated backstage and worked together. Sure, the other’s performances were incredible, but Akito couldn’t drag his gaze away from the star.

Toya was off to his right, watching the play with great intensity. His silver eyes bouncing from person to person, but always ending back to Rui Kamishiro. The eccentric, purple haired boy. It was impossible for Toya to hide his infatuation with the engineer. It was honestly pathetic in Akito’s opinion, but it wasn’t like he was any better.

Was that what he was feeling towards Tsukasa? Infatuation? Admiration? Affection? Love crossed his mind, immediately shutting the idea out. Processing it, much less entertaining it was a hassle he couldn’t deal with currently…

Was it simple admiration for him always working towards his goal? Was it affection for his kindness and constant thoughtfulness?

That had to be it. It couldn’t be anything more. It shouldn’t be.

Akito removed his arms from the arm rest of the chair, his hands resting in his lap. Looking down at the fingers that cradled Tsukasa’s hand not even a month ago. Time was flying by so fast with the boy.

A sigh slipped from his lips, shifting on the rickety bench once more. It was super uncomfortable, for a moment it had distracted Akito from his own thoughts. But of course, they circled back.

Love wasn’t something Akito could throw around without meaning, but what was love? How could he identify it? Not familial love, or platonic affection. But true romantic love. What was Tsukasa to him?

A friend. That was the first thing that popped in his head, but should someone he caressed and fantasized be labeled as a “friend?” Akito couldn’t have told you the amount of times he’d have dreams about Tsukasa, it didn’t even have to be something sexual or romantical.

It would always be one of their little hangouts, dumb topics of conversation. Akito sank lower, his posture already worsening the more he thought. Sexual… he groaned in frustration. His brain wouldn’t shut up!

Embarrassment flooded his body, feeling the need to shield his face and lean back slightly. The one time he had found the time and energy to masturbate, he ended up fantasizing about Tsukasa. Akito dragged his hand down his face. He swore up and down to himself that it didn’t mean anything!

His mind has just… drifted…

Toya looked over to his left, seeing Akito constantly fidgeting and groaning to himself was a real distraction. He sighed, following his line of gaze to… Tsukasa. Who would’ve guessed.

Toya was happy the two of them were getting along so well, but it had reached a point where the split-dyed boy wondered whether or not it was bordering on romantics.

So many questions flowed through Akito’s head, it was impossible to listen to all of them and rationalize each one. He swallowed roughly, choking down the lump in his throat. He forcefully shoved the feelings down. His expression was different this time, it didn’t match Toya’s love for Rui, it didn’t match the grief Nene’s character wore, he was repulsed. Whether by himself or not, Akito couldn’t tell himself.

…

Tsukasa laid awake in his bed, his precious sleep schedule was destroyed. It was 2 in the morning, his head buried into a pillow and his blankets tossed off the side of his full sized bed. The room was dark, the only way he would be able to sleep. He should’ve been passed out 4 hours ago, but here he was.

Tsukasa’s brain kept cycling through 2 different thoughts, Akito Shinonome and his sexuality, in that exact order.

When he had first started developing his feelings, they were simple, childish reasons. Akito was gorgeous, that’s really the only reason he held so much affection. His fluffy orange hair, pierced ears, fair skin, light freckles underneath his eyes and over his nose. Akito’s olive eyes were probably the first thing Tsukasa had fallen in love with.

Over time he realized Akito was somewhat funny–surprisingly enough–he had humor. As they continued hanging out more and more, he started finding more reasons to like him more and more. He had passion, he was caring, he was soft, he was mature in ways, he was beautiful, he was argumentative, he was firm.

Yet Akito was insecure. Akito had his flaws, yes, but who didn’t? He was hot-headed, thought with his fists first rather than his head. He was two-faced. He got upset easily, he let his emotions get in the way, but seeing Akito like that only made Tsukasa fall for him more.

Akito wasn’t purposefully an asshole for no reason.

Yeah, Tsukasa could’ve definitely found somebody better. Somebody who didn’t treat him like a bug and steal his food, but Akito was the only man, outside of his troupe, who made Tsukasa feel like just some guy. He wasn’t special. He wasn’t something lesser.

The blonde rolled around in his bed for probably the trillionth time that night, taking the pillow his head was on and cradling it. He looked down at the floor where Akito would lay when he spent the night, hoping to see the red-headed boy. He was disappointed when met with carpet.

Then came his sexuality, Tsukasa couldn't care less. He loved and liked whatever he pleased and wanted, it didn’t really matter what anybody thought. His perception of homosexuality had definitely changed after dating Rui and doing more reflecting, like moments like these. Labels didn’t mean anything to him, but if he were it would most likely either be bisexual or pansexual.

Tsukasa groaned and sat up in bed. “This is so dumb…” he mumbled, leaning forward and grabbing his blanket. He brought it up to his chest and flipped onto his stomach, shutting his eyes. Why was the only thing he saw behind them Akito? Why did everything have to be about him?! It was driving him insane, there was no chance he would be able to sleep at all.

…

The past few weeks, Tsukasa and Akito had been going on walks and runs together. They would find a restaurant to try out and have breakfast together afterwards too. This occurred especially on the weekends, both would rise early and meet at their designated spot. It was better than running alone in Akito’s opinion, and Tsukasa needed to work on his stamina. It was a win-win situation.

Today Akito wanted to walk, it was cool and a light breeze brushed across. It was a bright autumn morning, trees were starting to wither and shed their leaves. The bright oranges and yellows of lost foliage blanketing the ground, crunching underneath 2 pairs of shoes. Akito and Tsukasa were walking around a park nearby, following the path they always did together. Running every morning was exhausting, plus it was a Saturday. It was a sweet reward from running the entire week.

Tsukasa was on his left, watching as leaves fluttered down to the ground and birds sifted through them, hoping for a meal or snack. He was quiet today, it was comfortable. Tsukasa’s constant need to fill the gap and void was gone when he was around Akito, it was just so easy to be relaxed with him now.

“It’s really cold today…” Tsukasa complained, his hands being shoved into the pockets of his coat, he scooted closer to Akito. His shoulder brushing against Akito’s shoulder blades. “It’s really not that bad, dude.” Akito sighed, and kept walking. They were just going to walk for 2 miles and get food like usual, nothing serious.

“Yes it is! It already feels like winter and it’s halfway through fall! How are you not freezing?” Tsukasa exclaimed. His eyes watching Akito’s, barely paying attention to the path in front of him. “I guess I’m just better than you.” The ginger said smugly, a shit-eating grin finding its way onto his face.

“Oh, shut up!” Tsukasa groaned, the chilly breeze was doing something to his attitude. It made him more irritable and grumpy, it was a change of pace from the constant yelling and fake, flashy smiles. Yet despite his protests, he remained glued to Akito’s side, seeking warmth. Or attention.

The walk continued in silence between the two, quiet complaints and snarky grumbles were exchanged in between. Akito kept humming a new song he and An were working on, Tsukasa had recently been able to hear the demos and it slowly come to life. From just simple beats in a software, to lyrics being written down and altered, eventually turning into a full song. Sure he did it all the time with his own troupe, but it felt special seeing something so intimate and personal to Akito take the form of music. It felt like peeking into his soul.

Akito’s mind was drifting off to breakfast, practically salivating at the thought of a large stack of chocolate-chip pancakes covered in strawberries and whipped cream. He thought of fried chicken and fried rice, or barbeque… it all sounded so delicious. Meat just melting in his mouth and flavors blooming on his tongue. Skipping out on dinner last night and collapsing in bed was definitely a bad move from the ginger. He was so distracted with the thought of eating delicious food he had barely noticed Tsukasa’s hand grabbing onto the sleeve of his jacket. It just felt natural to him, like something anybody else would do.

“Hey, Tsukasa…” he started slowly, “you’re gonna pay for the food, riiight?” Akito dragged out, looking over to the star. “No.” Tsukasa huffed immediately. “Why not?” Akito frowned, feigning serious disappointment in the fact he had to pay.

“‘Because I always pay, Akito.” The blonde wasn’t lying, he was always the one looking out for his tab and saying ‘Don’t worry about it!’ Akito groaned and looked away, he knew he was right and wasn’t happy about it. It wasn’t like he didn’t have the money for it, he definitely did.

“Well, then why would you change now? If you’ve always done it then why do anything different?” Akito asked, a small grin on his face. Tsukasa didn’t answer, just a shaky exhale and a shudder. Tsukasa looked ready for winter, a scarf and thick coat wrapped around his body.

“Why does it have to be so cold…” Tsukasa whined, grimacing bitterly. “Why can't it be spring already?!” He gripped Akito's sleeve harder, pressing his shoulder against Akito’s shoulder blade harder. The blonde was basically using him as a human shield against the biting wind.

“I don't think it's that bad… all you've done is complain all week! You’re wrapped head to toe in winter clothes.” Akito sighed, his annoyance at the constant whining was getting to him. Along with the fact Tsukasa was clinging onto him like a lost puppy. “You're insane.” The self-proclaimed star tucked his chin into his scarf. Just gripping onto the sleeve wasn't enough to warm him up, he slid his hand down and grabbed Akito's hand.

“What the hell are you doing?!” He shouted, looking down at their hands, his own twisting in the hold to escape. “Warming myself up.” Tsukasa replied simply, interlacing their finger before he could rip away.

Akito stared at their interlinked fingers, his ears were burning while his ice cold fingers slowly defrosted. He should pull away, it was gross to hold hands. That was some couple-y bullshit! His heart was pounding against his bones. He slowly tightened his grip, focusing his gaze away from their hands and to Tsukasa's face. Looking forward and hiding his lips behind a scarf.

Akito stared at Tsukasa for some time, his pace slowing down just to look at him. Tsukasa gave him slight glances, squinting and making confused expressions. “Do I have something on my face?” He asked, pulling his hand away and reaching up to wipe around his mouth and chin. “Uh… no.” He breathed, looking down at his feet.

Tsukasa watched him from the corner of his eyes, his ears were pink. He knew it was wrong to test Akito’s limits, to grab his hand and to cling onto him. The star wanted a reaction, whether it was negative or not. A shiver cut his monologuing off, he reached out and grabbed his hand again with both of his. “Can we hurry up?! If not, just give me your jacket!” Tsukasa begged, his teeth chattering.

“No.” Akito spat, his face turning a shade pinker. Seriously, what was with Tsukasa today? He was more touchy than usual, and now he was asking for his jacket? Maybe this had something to do with the cold…

“Pleaassseee! I'm paying for your food anyway!” Tsukasa pushed, his legs stopping on their path and tugging on Akito's hand. The street artist sighed in frustration. It was 6:30 in the morning, and Tsukasa was doing too much.

“Fine!” He shouted, ripping his hand out of Tsukasa's grasp. Akito's hand went to his jacket, unzipping it and tossing it to Tsukasa. It landed on his head. “Stop crying about it! We're almost done anyway-” He yelped once cold air slid up the sleeves of his shirt, his hands flying to wrap around his own waist. “FUCK THAT'S COLD!” Akito cried, disturbing the peace of nature. Birds cawed and flew up into the sky, echoing through the quiet park. The comfort of warmth from his jacket slipped away as he stood there in the freezing weather.

Tsukasa watched with a grin, removing the warm jacket from his face. He clutched it in his hands, watching as Akito suffered from the weather he claimed to be ‘not that bad’. “I thought it wasn’t bad!” Tsukasa snickered, wrapping Akito’s jacket around his shoulders, slipping his arms through the sleeves and leaving it unzipped. It fit comfortably around his already puffy coat, he never had realized how much bigger in size Akito’s clothes were…

“Shut up!” Akito shivered, rubbing his arms for any semblance of heat. He shuffled closer to Tsukasa, pressing the side of his body against the star’s for warmth. “Let’s just go! You’ve got my jacket now, plus I’m starving.” The ginger mumbled, despite the cold, he felt his face warming. The proximity was comfortable if he were to ignore the pit forming in his stomach.

…

Tsukasa had been stuck in a game of cat and mouse with Akito, he was tired of it. He wanted Akito to be his boyfriend now. Not later, nor could he stand the idea of Akito being with anyone other than him. The way Akito still talked about Toya and how he was his first kiss.. he couldn’t stand it. Even if Toya was dating his best friend and director.

Two things were holding the star back; Akito’s obvious internalized homophobia, and the uncertainty of him liking Tsukasa back at all.

So here he was, venting his frustrations to his director about some silly crush hes had for almost 2 years.

“Rui, it’s been 9 to 10 months and he STILL hasn’t done anything! It’s so frustrating pretending that I’m NOT madly in love with him! Every single day I’m dancing around my feelings for him. It sucks pretending all the time, I must be a star and this is great practice for holding emotions back. But I don’t want it to be with my crush!” Tsukasa shouted, pacing around his room while on call with Rui. It was a facetime call, Rui had his face right up onthe screen like a toddler and was laughing to himself.

Whatever was making him so giggly was aggravating Tsukasa…

“Welllll… maybe start dropping hints? Like… being more physical… or getting him out during the weekend. Start going on dates! Stop lounging around and doing nothing together.” The boy suggested.

“You’re acting like I haven’t tried that! He always has practice, even if his voice was torn and tired. OR he makes some excuse that he’s “tired” or has plans with Toya.” “Aoyagi has no romantic feelings for Shinonome.. I can promise you that.” Rui rolled his eyes, rolling over onto his stomach. He could tell by Tsukasa’s face that he was jealous. “I never said that!” He protested.

The blonde sighed and ran his hands through his already tousled hair. “Even when we do hang out, I freeze up and get nervous…What if he doesn’t like me back?” Tsukasa stopped pacing and approached his phone, picking it up. Rui hummed slowly to himself.

An idea formed in his head, but how sure was he that his star would accept it…? “How about… a double date?” Rui spoke slowly.

“No.” Immediate response. “Why? It won’t give Shinonome any excuses for not coming. Toya will be there anyway.” The director frowned. “…I dunno, I’m just worried it might be… awkward?” Tsukasa didn’t want to mention how awkward Akito was, anything relating to gay people or same sex relationships. Being forced to hang out with two guys who are dating might rub him the wrong way.

“No it wouldn’t, it can just be a hangout. It’s not like you two are truly dating.” Rui twirled his longer strand of hair around his fingers. They were coated in oil from his recent tweaking to Robo-Nene.

Tsukasa grimaced and sighed, what was the point in arguing? His director was right. It wouldn’t be so bad. “Okay.” Tsukasa relented, slumping down on his bed. A call from downstairs echoed up to his room, it was Saki.

“Anyways, dinner is starting soon. Talk to you later!” “Bye, Tsukasa.” And the call ended. Rui’s idea wasn’t that bad if he were to be selfish in some way…

Listening to all of Akito’s internal struggles with himself always made him incredibly upset. Tsukasa wanted to take care of him everytime he opened up. Someone had to have instilled these feelings of homophobia into his head; he wanted to show Akito that loving people wasn’t disgusting or “filthy.”

Tsukasa’s feelings have only developed over time, he’s starting to fumble over words and get anxious when Akito was watching him. He’s caring even more for appearances than usual. All he does now is watch Akito pass by or watch his lips move when he sings. Everything about him was driving him nuts. Especially now that Akito was getting more comfortable. Once while they were riding the train together, Akito laid his head on Tsukasa’s shoulder. The blonde forgot how to breathe for 10 minutes while the other slept.

…

It was lunch time, once again. The proposal Rui had offered the other day was running through his mind over and over again. Tsukasa spent what felt like forever trying to find ways into bribing the ginger into going. He ended up with nothing but excuses from his teammates as to why they couldn’t attend rehearsal that day.

Tsukasa had interrogated Toya about each and everyone of Vivid Bad Squad’s performances and teammates to see if Akito would be free on that specific Friday. Both he and Rui had scheduled that Friday after Tsukasa finally caved and decided that he did want to go on that double date…

Akito was laying next to their regular spot, anticipating another delicious lunch from his senior. It was a common occurrence for Tsukasa to bring extras in his bentos for Akito now.

His shirt was unknowingly ridden up and his hands were cushioning the back of his head, legs crossed comfortably. The ginger was sprawled across their usual spot like a lazy cat.

Tsukasa stared intently at the piece of flesh exposed. He wanted to slide his hands up his shirt and- “Hey, where the hell is my food?” The ginger asked, sitting up abruptly at the sight of Tsukasa. He looked up and down his body for any signs of a snack. “I didn’t pack you a whole other bento box today if that’s what you’re thinking, that’s only for people who are nice.” Tsukasa sighed, taking his regular spot next to the boy. “Well? At least share! You’re greedy!” Akito demanded like a brat. His tone was sharp yet teasing.

Akito snatched the stupid wet wipe the blonde had handed him and uncaringly washed his hands. He hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning and was famished. “Please Tsukasa!” He pleaded. “Only if I mama bird feed it into your mouth! There’s no chance!” Tsukasa was still distracted with the previous image that was on display. It was wrong to think so sexually about your best friend… this was definitely going to be dug up late into the night when he finally had the house to himself.

“What’s the point in sitting with me if you aren’t going to share? Just go hang out with your stupid director since you dislike me so much!” Akito teased, feigning victimhood.

Tsukasa stabbed his chicken and stared at it, debating on feeding it to Akito. He caved, per usual. “Whatever, you get 2 pieces and some rice. Got it? Don’t call my director stupid.” Tsukasa offered the chicken and the ginger beamed over the promise. He was such a glutton...

Akito’s mouth widened, Tsukasa brought his fork up to Akito’s mouth and he ate it. Why was he feeding him? Why was Akito allowing this?! The star felt his hands begin to tremble, his face flushing while his fork pierced the tender skin of chicken.

All the actor could focus on was the way he had made eye contact with him the whole time. Olive green eyes looking at him while he wrapped his mouth around the chicken. Was Tsukasa just horny? Was that it? Maybe it was just stress, or him being pent up… there was no way this was intentional! It just wasn’t feasible.

The blondie’s cheeks burned the more he thought about it, his mind entertaining fantasies of Akito. “What?” Akito asked with a mouthful of chicken in his mouth. “Don’t talk with food in your mouth.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes exhaustedly. This boy was going to kill him. He stabbed another chicken and fed it to Akito, this time staring at his lips.

Akito did not care how intently Tsukasa was staring at his face, or the blush on his cheeks. Sure, it made a weird feeling in his stomach and lower abdomen when he made that face, followed by a tight squeeze in his chest when faced with the reality that this was wrong. He tried not to care, just to eat. “Can I please have one more… just another!” “No.” “Not a half?” “Bring your own goddamn lunch!” Tsukasa snapped, his face a bright pink, matching the tips of his hair. His shoulders were tense and he looked ready to bounce up like a spring.

The teasing expression had vanished, did he push too far? Akito scoffed in annoyance. “Whatever, I was just fucking with you.” He grumbled, turning away from Tsukasa. This partially was his fault, he knew that. He was just too stubborn to admit it.

“Just eat my whole lunch at this point!” Tsukasa groaned, his low abdomen pooling with warmth. This was definitely hormones… “I only came to ask you to hang out with me after school this Friday. Toya and Rui are coming,” his voice calmed down after he inhaled heavily, “we’re going to the mall. Please, can you come? Don’t make some excuse like you always do, I really need you to come. I can't do the third wheel thing on my own.” Tsukasa tried, fidgeting with his sleeve like he had just asked out his fattest crush to a date.

Akito faltered at the outburst, the question being thrown in his face. “Look… I would but-“ “An’s grades are too low to practice, Ken said she needs to bring them up before she can attend rehearsals and Azusawa said Count Pearl has a vet appointment. I’ve already asked Ena if you guys have family plans, she said no. So please, come be with me!” Tsukasa moved the lunchbox out of his hand and grabbed Akito’s wrists. “We never hang out anymore.” Tsukasa was practically pouting and Akito’s face flushed red. He didn’t know which eye to look at, and the blonde’s lips parted so his tongue could wet them. Tsukasa was anxious, actually anxious. He should go…

“If Toya’ll be there, I’ll come.” Akito mumbled, averting his gaze and relaxing his arms. Tsukasa’s pout disappeared and his eyes shone like stars. “REALLY?!” He shouted, without thinking, he threw his arms around Akito. Tsukasa was already a touchy person, he loved poking people and hugging them. This wasn’t any different, Akito tried reassuring himself. It wasn’t wrong. Just a friendly hug!

He slowly wrapped his own arms around the boy and laid his cheek on his shoulder. “Yeah, sure.” He mumbled, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be enveloped in Tsukasa’s warmth, just this once.

…

Friday rolled around and there was nothing more Akito was dreading. He loved being around Toya and Tsukasa, but since Rui would be there he would take all the attention from both of them. The ginger sighed, checking the time. They had all agreed to meet at the mall around 5:30 PM. He had thirty minutes left. Thirty minutes left to cancel and change his mind.

To compensate for their team's lack of rehearsals, Akito had been attending more solo performances. Along with training his body and his voice every day. He was exhausted. Maybe he could cancel ahead of time, say something like he fell ill due to overworking… Tsukasa could believe that, right?

He decided against it. And now he had to figure out what to wear. It wasn’t like he was going there to impress anyone anyways, simple jeans, a graphic t-shirt and a jacket would do fine.

Akito felt his phone buzz in his pocket while brushing his teeth, he reached back and viewed the notification. It was Tsukasa

‘Are you here yet?’
‘im omw’
‘👍’

Tsukasa was such a dry texter, like Akito was any better though. It never really bothered him however, they barely messaged each other. It was always facetimes or calls.

Akito took one last look before leaving the bathroom and rushing down the stairs, he said goodbye to his mother, not that she really gave two shits about where he was going as long as he was back by 12am. She had grown accustomed to Akito leaving for performances late into the night.

He started his walk down to the train station, his mind wandering as his feet beat across the pavement. Thoughts about his life decisions. Over time, he had stopped caring so much about his feelings with Tsukasa, he just pushed them down and focused on the boy in front of him. No matter how hard he wanted to lean into his soft hands, no matter how much he wanted to drag his thumb across his bottom lip.

No matter how tightly he wanted to hold him.

Friends were always going to be a better option. Less drama, less feelings, less stress. Less guilt.

…

He eventually arrived at the mall, 15 minutes late because he missed his stop of course. It was embarrassing because he left the house with plenty of time left to spare…

Meandering and pushing past crowds of people to reach the front, Akito had to get up on the tips of his toes to peer over others. He finally was able to spot Tsukasa, but not before he spotted Akito.

Tsukasa grinned at the sight of the ginger, rushing past the crowd to grab his hand. “You came!” He boomed. At least 5 people turned their heads around to look at the spectacle that was Tsukasa Tenma.

“Of course I did, I said I would…” Akito grumbled, but he couldn’t have hidden the small smile that was poking at the edge of his lips. Don’t think about how warm his hands are, or how soft. He’s just guiding you.

“Well, Rui and Toya have decided to go shopping on their own! I told them I’d stick around for you.” Tsukasa said, turning his head to face forward, still unrelenting with his grasp on Akito’s wrist. The other boy just nodded, his eyes focused on where their skin met. A touch won’t kill him. Akito slotted his hands against Tsukasa's, interlacing their fingers. His face immediately burned with shame, his heart dropping. Akito glanced around, expecting disgusted looks and hate to be thrown at him, but nobody cared. No tomatoes were thrown at his head, no spitting or sneers of repulsion.

The only ones who had noticed were girls their age looking over at them both. Some were from their school, Akito groaned lowly, turning away and matching pace with Tsukasa.

The blondie had noticed the touch and internally squealed, squeezing Akito’s hand to reassure him that this was okay–even if he didn’t realize it was or wasn’t. The star just didn’t want this moment to end. He didn’t want him to let go, never. Now that Akito was in his hand, he didn’t want to leave. Tsukasa glanced over his shoulder and beamed, it was sweet.

“Where are we going?” Akito asked, his ears a flaming pink. That damn smile…

“Shopping, I hope you brought your wallet! Toya messaged me that he’s at some clothing store on the second floor. We’re gonna head there and meet up, okay?” Tsukasa responded, squeezing Akito’s hand as he pulled him up the stairs. All the ginger could do was comply. His gaze focused intently on the back of the star’s head.

Akito did bring his wallet, but he had blown most of his money on new shoes and CDs… whatever. It wasn’t like he needed anything else.

After some time, and getting sidetracked by Tsukasa’s favorite clothing brand, they arrived at the store where the other two boys were.

Rui was eyeing a disgustingly brown t-shirt with pastel blue stripes, Toya was looking at a few pairs of jeans, heavily debating if he wanted to get them at all. “Toya!” Tsukasa yelled, waving at him with his free hand.

Akito loosened his grip on Tsukasa’s hand, twisting his wrist to free himself. He wouldn’t allow any of their friends to see them holding hands. One wrong idea could ruin everything. “Hello, Tsukasa! Oh, and Akito.” Toya smiled warmly, folding the pair of jeans and placing them where he found it.

“What’s up?” Akito smiled, barely passing Rui a glance. The engineer had drifted over to Tsukasa, taking his shoulder and leading him to the horrendous t-shirt he discovered. Akito clicked his tongue. He had planned sticking to Toya’s side anyways!

Per usual, the group returned to their usual pairs. Akito with Toya, Rui with Tsukasa. Tsukasa couldn’t deny he was dejected over being separated from Akito. But maybe it would be nice returning to his director’s side. It had been a while since both of them spent time outside of rehearsal and school.

Toya hummed, looking down at the jeans. “Do you think I should buy a pair of jeans, Akito?” He asked, eyes squinted in thought, arms crossed. Akito’s mind drifted away, his fingers still tingling from Tsukasa’s hold. “It’s always good to have at least one pair, they go with pretty much everything. I would get a regular or loose fit for you.”

Talk of fashion or style always had Akito talking. Due to Ena’s constant fixation on social media and what was “trending” he was usually in style. Akito grabbed a pair of jeans, holding them up to Toya’s side. “Don’t ever buy a pair of skinny jeans.” Akito grumbled in disgust.

Tsukasa’s gaze was trained on Akito and Toya from across the store., especially how the ginger’s hands lingered on his shoulder, lower back and hips when holding shirts and pants up to his body. The star swallowed in jealousy.

Rui was humming about some of his new ideas for robots and inventions, Tsukasa could only nod and offer lame responses. It was wrong to ignore his best friend and director for some dumb crush. Tsukasa was always on top of things like this, he always had his priorities set. Rui fell silent.

“Did something happen with you and Akito yet?” Rui asked, tapping his shoulder to grab Tsukasa’s attention. The entire time he had been talking, Tsukasa was looking the other way. It was bothersome…

“Er-!” Tsukasa jumped at the mention of him. “Not quite! However, I will be able to claim him as mine someday! For once he initiated contact with me, he held my hand!” Tsukasa grinned, grabbing Rui’s wrist in excitement. Bouncing on the heels of his feet. “It actually feels like we’re getting somewhere for once! Of course, we’ve always had our moments, but… he came! We’re actually out in public together! The most we’ve spent in public together is when we would go eat really early in the mornings after running-“ Tsukasa couldn’t stop talking about him.

Rui smiled and nodded, gently prying Tsukasa’s hand off his wrist so he could face the shirts better. It was better to listen to him talk instead of zoning out, stuck in his own feelings and mind. Plus, it was sweet.

Akito slipped out of Tsukasa’s line of sight with Toya, moving to the sweater section. He had been searching extensively for a comfortable yellow sweater that wasn’t vibrant nor too dark. Which had nothing to do about a certain star. He’s always had a yellow streak in his hair, he obviously liked the color! So who cared if he bought a yellow sweater-

“Akito, why were you late?” Toya spoke up, looking over to his singing partner from the racks of clothing. “I thought you’d be a no-show, you’ve been practicing an awful lot recently. I was worried you might’ve caught something..” Toya hummed, shaking his bangs out of his eyes.

“Oh, I missed my stop off the train.” Thinking about some stupid senior of his, and his disgustingly beautiful eyes. “It was nothing that serious, I had thought about skipping out since both members of the Weirdo Combo were coming..” Akito teased, resuming his search for a nice sweater, to no avail.

“You’re still about that?” Toya sighed, he always got frustrated when his partner would talk negatively about his boyfriend and practical brother. “Honestly, after becoming friends with Tsukasa I thought you would’ve let it go.” He shifted the pair of jeans Akito recommended to his drape onto his other arm.

Akito shifted his weight. Friends. That was it. Isn’t that what he had wanted all this time? There was no way he could be fine with loving Tsukasa romantically, it was wrong obviously. But, wouldn’t he be happier? He always felt happier at Tsukasa’s side afterall.

After realizing he took too long to respond, he cleared his throat to fill the absence of his own voice. “Well you thought wrong, teasing him about it is still funny.” Akito grinned to himself. Toya sighed in response.

As the conversation began to settle, Akito’s thoughts picked back up. He had given up the search for a sweater. It wasn’t like he had the money for one either… The ginger hummed to himself. It was nice talking to Toya. That thought always lingered in the back of his mind when in conversation with his singing partner. But Tsukasa would be better.

Recently he had developed a disgusting worm in his brain, telling him that Tsukasa was the only thing he wanted. And it was. He always craved to be by his side, to talk to him, to tease him. His reactions were always a thousand times better than Toya’s sighs, Kohane’s flush of embarrassment, An’s rebuttals. Tsukasa was just better.

Of course he still loved his friends and sought out their company. There was no chance he would only rely on Tsukasa entirely. He had a group to withstand, to bond with. It was just after the conversation had ended, he thought about Tsukasa being the one to say them, thinking of how he would react.

Akito shook that thought off, he shouldn’t think about him when he was with Toya. It was better that way. “What’re we doing after this?” Akito spoke up, talking to fill the silence between them. Talking to get his mind off Tsukasa. He had already given up on the search for a sweater.

“Most likely get food at the food court after visiting some more shops.” Toya responded, grabbing another white button up. Akito figured it would be a replacement for his newly tarnished uniform dress shirt. The experimentation of his boyfriend usually got messy quickly.

Akito hummed, looking over to Tsukasa. “Mm… are you done looking around? This place is pretty boring and they don’t have anything I want.” He asked, digging his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Pretty much.” Toya nodded, stepping back and placing the new shirt gingerly over his arm.

After the pair grouped up with Rui and Tsukasa, they began to check out. Toya buying his new pair of jeans and button up, Rui with some disgustingly brown and blue t-shirt. Neither Akito nor Tsukasa had bought anything.

The group began hopping around stores, running from pastry shops to CD shops. Akito had been treated–by Tsukasa–a slice of cheesecake and a new CD. It was nice of him, but completely unnecessary. Akito spent 10 minutes attempting to talk Tsukasa out of buying him a CD or offering to pay him back.

His stupidly rich senior simply brushed off his concerns and bought it regardless. Toya was completely on board with Tsukasa, which made the situation all the more worse. Walking out of that stupid store, Rui had teased Akito about the newly bought music.

It had somehow reached 3 hours of shopping, and with all the boys down at least 400 dollars collectively, they decided to grab dinner at the food court. It wasn’t the most ideal place to eat dinner, but not many restaurants were available.

Rui and Toya slid into empty booths that seemed relatively clean, wiping them down with napkins and hand sanitizer. Akito and Tsukasa deciding to grab all of their food together.

“Thanks for buying me that CD.” Akito spoke up, leaning onto Tsukasa. Exhaustion had finally hit his body, a whole week of solo-shows and practicing with very little time in between to rest and recover finally got to him. The only person available to rest on was conveniently the star. “Why, of course! If it’s for my junior, I would move the moon for you.” Tsukasa exclaimed, a boisterous laugh burst out from his chest.

Akito didn’t bother to roll his eyes or make a snarky response. His eyes fluttering shut momentarily, a sigh slipping through his lips, shoulders relaxing significantly. Tsukasa’s booming voice died down, ordering everyone’s meals, along with nudging Akito to sit up properly. They still had to carry the trays back to their seats.

With a lazy trudge forward, Akito made his way over to his friends. Rui and Toya had decided to sit together, the ginger complaining under his breath. Of course he had to sit next to the loudest and most shifty person on planet Earth when he was exhausted. “Don’t make that face, Shinonome..” Rui teased as Akito sat down.

“Shut up, Kamishiro.” Akito spat, plopping down in his seat. Both Rui and Tsukasa had the outer spots, Toya and Tsukasa located inwards. Tsukasa began chittering away, barely taking bites of his food in

Tsukasa picked up their conversation about their next play from earlier, rehearsal was never ending for the star apparently. Toya chimed in here and there and Akito just watched, mainly keeping his eyes fixated on the boy next to him. He was happy but his eyes were lidded and his eyebags looked darker than usual. Taking slow bites of the pancakes he ordered for dinner.

While ordering, Tsukasa had chided his junior over picking a breakfast item for dinner. Akito had just sighed and rolled his eyes. Claiming Tsukasa wasn’t his mother.

However, as everyone finished their food, Akito got bored of the conversation. His mind drifted back off to something that had been nagging him since he first held Tsukasa’s hand.

His hands tightened into balls, nails digging into the flesh. The feeling of their interlaced fingers hadn’t yet slipped from his mind, the pure warmth of his fingers. It wasn’t overbearing, just a constant steady pulse of warmth.

If only he wasn’t a man, maybe they would’ve been able to be together. It didn’t matter who would be the “lady”, just being with Tsukasa was all he wanted. Akito sighed to himself, taking the last bite of his pancakes as Toya talked of their recent duet performances. His singing partner chiming in once during the retelling, correcting him on their set list.

Toya probably knew Akito better than anybody else, he saw how he hurled and begged that night. Begged somebody to forgive him. It didn’t matter who forgave him, just that he was forgiven. The knowledge that Toya knew of his pathetic behavior and self-loathing was terrifying.

He could tell anyone and Akito wouldn’t be the wiser.

He looked back at Tsukasa, watching as he reacted animatedly to the story. It really wasn’t anything special to either of them, but their senior was incredibly out of the loop when it came to livehouses and such. It was endearing in a way. Usually he found explaining himself and situations to be a bother, but when it came to Tsukasa… it was nice.

Akito’s tired and annoyed expression morphed into one light affection, the corners of his mouth tilting upwards in a small smile. One that nobody could picture him giving it to Tsukasa Tenma of all people.

Toya noticed this immediately, his own smile finding its place on his lips. It was rare for Akito to smile so genuinely towards anybody other than An, Kohane, and Toya. To see him finally give that to Tsukasa was gratifying, his two favorite people finally got along. (Outside of his boyfriend.)

But this one was different, usually his smiles were of pride and happiness. Usually after a show, but this time it was of deep affection. His eyes were… soft? Maybe it was due to exhaustion, but there was something deeper underneath.

Had Akito fallen in love with Tsukasa?

Toya had never once thought he would see the day Akito would smile this softly towards anybody. Especially not Tsukasa. The mere thought was blasphemy. He was nearly 90% sure Akito was straight…

His gagging and uncertainty during their kiss after first forming Vivid Bad Squad had confirmed that entirely. But the fact he hadn’t ripped away immediately, that Akito leaned into their inexperienced kiss. His arch into his hands… that left the 10% unsure.

He doubted he would ever forget seeing Akito hunched over the toilet in the men’s bathroom at Weekend Garage. Clutching his chest and seat, tears spilling out of his eyes. That was the first time Toya had ever seen Akito cry. Over kissing a guy of all things.

Toya personally knew that love wasn’t a crime. Even with his father’s push for heterosexuality and stereotypes, Toya always contradicted those and reached for the man he wanted. The one next to him. Why couldn’t his best friend do that too?

Was it really that impossible for him to accept himself?

Tsukasa and Toya talked for a long time, Tsukasa telling him about how Saki was and such. Akito and Rui glancing at each other awkwardly, primarily Akito however. The purple haired man offered a smile as a peace offering. The ginger looked away with mild jealousy and annoyance. No matter how hard he tried to warm up to the eccentric director, it never worked. There was always envy and aversion.

Akito was envious at the closeness he had with both of his friends, Akito was envious of his acceptance in himself. It wasn’t fair how easy it was for him to just be himself, it wasn’t fair that Rui was able to date the man he loved and Akito was supposed to just turn away from his.

Toya eventually slowed down, noticing how awkward both the purple haired man and his singing partner had gotten. Akito more so than Rui.

Tsukasa turned to Rui. “Rui, could you get us some more drinks, please?” He asked with a grin, holding out two sheets of thousand yen papers to his director. “Sure, Akito got coke right?” Rui looked over to the ginger who just nodded quietly, watching him as he slid out of the booth with Toya trailing behind him.

Once they were finally gone and out of sight Akito spoke up.

“You talk a lot.” Akito mumbled, he was already exhausted and it wasn't even 8PM yet. “It’s one of my main talents!” The actor placed a hand on his chest and gave one of his big hearty laughs. Akito scoffed and scooted closer, leaning his head against Tsukasa’s shoulder. Which proved to be easier when slouched. “Shut up, you’re always so loud.” He mumbled.

Akito tilted his head up, staring into the star’s bright iridescent eyes. He really was gorgeous. His bright olive eyes focused on the other boy’s lips. They were covered in some sort of chapstick like always, he wanted to slide his tongue across the bottom and taste the inside of his mouth. To taste the strawberry mango chapstick he saw him put on every few hours. Akito was exhausted, he should stop.

It was strange for Tsukasa’s dear junior to be so worn out and tactile. It was only once a week or every other week did he bother to grab Tsukasa’s wrists, touch his shoulders or hug him on his own accord.

Tsukasa went silent immediately, swallowing down the lump in his throat as the boy’s eyes traveled all over his face. Committing almost every detail to memory. He could feel his cheeks burning, his face was sure to be pink. Akito’s hands reached up, the tips of his fingers running down his jaw and throat.

The ginger hummed, Tsukasa’s skin was smooth like silk. He obviously took great care of his body and kept up with his skincare. An afterthought popped in his mind, what was he doing? Whatever, he could excuse it with mild exhaustion if anyone asked him.

“A-Akito… what are you doing?” Tsukasa stammered out, his voice low and breathy as he spoke. Akito’s hand traveled up to his nape and combed through the hair there. A shiver running down his spine, to have his crush leaning on him, touching his face and neck, combing his rough fingers through his hair could only be from a dream. Soon he’ll snap out of it, see Rui or Toya waving a hand in front of him. Effectively snapping him out of his trance.

“Nothin’…” Akito mumbled, dropping his hand back down to his lap but placing his head back down on his shoulder. “You had something on your face,” he was lying again, he should probably stop doing that. “I was just helping.” Humiliation bubbled up, rethinking the entire interaction between the two that had just happened. He wiped his hands on his jeans, acting as if there were really something on Tsukasa’s face.. “Sorry.” Akito shoved out, leaning off of the other boy and straightening up. His leg bouncing up and down, the drowsiness was gone for the time being. The overwhelming desire to sprint out of the mall and to disappear into the ground was stronger than his will to stay and continue being with the star.

“It’s alright, I didn’t mind.” Tsukasa waved it off, a small awkward smile forming. “If anything, I’d wish you wouldn’t stop…” He added under his breath. Gross. What was he spouting off about? Nothing Akito did was pleasurable, just fucking weird. Like a pervert feeling up his crush.

“You’re lying so I don’t feel embarrassed or guilty, just stop it.” He tilted his head to the side and gave Tsukasa a side glance. “I’m not though,” the blonde placed his hand on Akito’s farthest shoulder, bringing him back over to his side. “I don’t even care, you’re the only one who does. Calm down, okay?” Tsukasa gave him a smile. He ruffled his hair, a habit he had come to develop to get a rise or reaction out of the other. A simple distraction. Akito didn’t protest this time, but he also didn’t look up.

Silence enveloped the two, Tsukasa’s hand didn’t move and neither did his eyes from Akito’s head. Tsukasa seemed to be deep in thought before he blurted out; “Can we try something?”

“Err… depends on what it is.” Akito replied, watching as the condensation dripping down his cup fell onto the table. “An experiment, just trust me, okay?” Tsukasa’s hand slipped off his head, onto his shoulder. Turning his body in the booth to face Akito, holding him in place gently.

Akito gave him a skeptical look. “Can you at least tell me what we’re doing?” “Just close your eyes!” The star instructed a giddy smile on his face, only moving once his eyes were closed.

Tsukasa’s eyes dragged across Akito’s face, his brain spinning with every thought imaginable about him. His fingers brushing hair out of his face and scooping his cheek with his palm. The actor’s heart raced as if he were on stage performing a sold-out show, his lips parted and he leaned forward.

Was this right?

The only thing Akito felt the next moment was Tsukasa’s lips on his. His brain went silent and all he could do was respond immediately by kissing back. His lips were soft and he tasted like the Coke he had been drinking earlier. Akito exhaled heavily through his nose and brought his hand up to the blonde’s waist. He felt the warmth of Tsukasa’s hand combing through his hair.

The older boy tilted his head off to the side to deepen the kiss. Akito flinched immediately, grabbing his shoulder and forcing Tsukasa off of him. His face was flushed red, Akito felt his heart in his throat.

“What the fuck-“ he gasped, Tsukasa stared at him with lidded eyes and pink cheeks, his gaze was focused solely on Akito’s lips. His trembling hands slipped from the other’s shoulders. “Dude, seriously, what the actual fuck?!” He shouted, the remaining customers turned their heads around at the commotion. “I-“ Tsukasa tried, the ginger paid him no mind and promptly shoved him out the booth.

Gross. Gross. So gross. He was awful, horrible for trusting Tsukasa. Akito needed distance from the older boy immediately, before he threw up everywhere. After everything he had told him about his experience with Toya, he still tried that. He still tried to kiss him. HE DID kiss him! It didn’t make sense. Why? Akito wasn’t gay. He wasn’t, so why did he respond so eagerly to the touch? Why did he want to spin around and tell Tsukasa how disgusting he felt around him, how disgusting HE was for kissing him.

Why did he want to confess every single emotion he had felt while with him? The giddiness of being able to share jokes and stories with each other, to see the sparkle in his gorgeous eyes when Tsukasa performed? Why did he want to be the reason he laughed and smiled truly? Akito ran, that’s all he could do. That’s all he ever did. He couldn’t look back at Tsukasa, his insides churning with the disgustingly sweet pancakes he’d eaten earlier.

He ran without aim, his mornings spent running for an hour helped him to just keep going. Stopping meant thinking, and that's the last thing he wanted. His legs and lungs burned, he focused on those sensations and kept moving. The red head felt the lunch he had shared with Tsukasa pile up in his throat, the taste of Tsukasa’s lips still on his. Tsukasa. It was all him. Only him. Buildings and people flew by, only smears of color as he sprinted forward. He was halfway into the park he frequented before he hurled, dropping to his knees on the grass.

It was dark already, the lights of the city glowed in the sky. The artificial light of a street lamp illuminated his pathetic form as he puked his guts out. Akito wanted to sob and beg for forgiveness, he was sorry for sinning, he was sorry for liking Tsukasa, he was sorry for running away, but he couldn’t cry. He knew that’s all he’d ever wanted from the older boy. He just wanted validation that his feelings weren’t disgusting, that it was okay to just exist.

It was cold. His legs hurt. Vomit coated his taste buds and the back of his throat. The smell of the throw-up on the grass below him wafted up, causing another gag. How was he going to go to school on Monday? How was he going to explain to Toya how he flaked? Where would he even fucking go?

His arms trembled as he held himself up, looking down at his own puke. He felt himself gag once more, tears pricking the ends of his eyes. But nothing came up, just wet gagging noises. He turned to sit normally, leaning against the tree he threw up against. His mind racing.

What was he supposed to do? Where would he go? Home wasn’t an option, for some reason the idea of facing real people after this was overwhelming. Back to the mall was a definite no.

The only option he thought of was the SEKAI.

He fumbled to get his phone out of his back pocket, unlocking it and opening his music app.
The ‘Untitled’ song stared back at him like a life line as he pressed on it with his thumb, a fake world was better than facing reality.

The warmth of transferring over to Street SEKAI enveloped him, whisking him away to somewhere where his feelings didn’t seem to be as large or haunting.

It was night by now, the world operated on the same time and cycles as the group’s did. Inhaling shakily, Akito made his short trudge to MEIKO’s café. Silently praying neither of the twins were there, he wouldn’t be able to handle their drama and energy.

He stumbled into Crase Café and threw himself into a stool, the lights were still on which meant someone was awake. It was quiet, oddly quiet. Usually the twins would bicker or MEIKO would be chastising KAITO for something dumb he did. The silence was nice, except for the fact it made him think.

“MEIKO?” He called out, looking around for the brunette virtual singer, his voice pathetically quivering and cutting off. Panting softly and swallowing hard.. “Akito?” She called from the back room, walking out with a box full of supplies. “I had a feeling somebody had come by, I just didn’t know who.” She smiled at him, dropping the box on a nearby counter, her smile fading once she noticed the boy’s expression.

“What’s going on? You’re always here with somebody else, you’re never by yourself unless something is wrong.” MEIKO questioned, taking scissors and cutting open the box. Akito fidgeted with his fingers, listening to the scissors drag into the cardboard until he felt like responding.

His eyes felt heavy, bile still coating his tongue. Akito’s throat felt tight, his hands still trembling. He cleared his throat a few times, rubbing the corners of his eyes red.

“I’ve been developing feelings for somebody at my school. His name is Tsukasa… he’s my senior, a third year.” He admitted, saying it out loud felt like a punch to the gut. Akito’s tone was flat. “He’s a boy. So it’s wrong and weird. I feel so disgusted when I’m around him and touching him – but he makes me so happy. He brings me food and he talks to me, he’s really really annoying sometimes. I hate him.” Akito spat, dropping his forearms down onto the counter in frustration. Just to prove how much he disliked Tsukasa.

“Yet, I want to be with him... in a romantic sense.” He hesitated, looking up at MEIKO, waiting for her response. All she had done so far is place the scissors down and nod at him to continue. “Every touch feels like something dirty, like I’m touching something tainted or rotten. Trash at the bottom of a dumpster.”

“He-… he kissed me today. 15 minutes ago, I ran away and I threw up... I feel soiled. I feel violated. I h-had trusted him with everything. I’d told him about that time with Toya- how I felt and h-how… how disgusting it was! I’ve told him I’m not… that I’m not gay!” Akito’s voice raised, his hands couldn’t decide where to land. Whether to rip at his hair, scratch at his neck or rest idly on the counter.

“But… It felt good. I want more of him. I feel free when I’m around him…” Akito mumbled, rambling on and on, dumping every thought that popped in his head out for MEIKO to hear. His voice broke off, he covered his face in shame. “I don’t actually hate him, I've never hated him.” He inhaled a shuddering breath.

“I don't understand my feelings at all! Why can’t I just be normal?! I hate myself! Why can’t I just let this go?! I can’t let him go! I feel so horrible when I’m around him. I feel complete when I’m around him! We’ve hugged and held hands before, I’ve tried convincing myself that it didn’t matter! That it was okay to just do this stuff as friends, but I don’t want to just be his friend!” Akito felt his own anxiety rising, why was he even talking? He should just shut up, there was no point in this anymore.

But he was too far in deep, he felt his eyes prick with tears again. He tried to choke them down and continue.

“I-I want to be… I don’t know… It’s been nearly 6 months of feeling like this, the end of the year is coming and I won’t be able to-“ he burst into tears. It was inevitable. “I fucked it up…” Akito gasped, wrapping his arms around his stomach and closing his eyes. He shouldn’t have ran. MEIKO stared at the boy, his shoulder’s shaking with every shuddering breath.

She rounded around the counter, approaching Akito like some frightened animal and settling into a stool opposite to him.

“I don’t know what to do..” he sobbed, hot tears rolling down his face. Akito’s whole body was shuddering, he felt MEIKO’s hands on his shoulder as she brought him in for a hug. Rubbing his upper arm comfortingly. “Just let it all out, I know you haven’t even begun to process these emotions until recently. It’s alright, I won’t judge you..” she mumbled, Akito’s hands gripping her shirt. “I’m sorry.. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” Akito cried over and over again, relentlessly.

The only sound encompassing the cafe was the sounds of Akito’s quiet sniffles and gasps. He hadn’t cried so hard in probably 2 or 3 years. MEIKO held the back of his head, fingers sliding in and out of his hair. She knew it was impossible to stop his tears, all she could do was hold him. Her whole job was to guide him and his friends, but now she felt helpless.

MEIKO held onto Akito through his onslaught of tears, doing nothing more than rubbing his shoulder and running her fingers through his hair for over 10 minutes. Thankfully no other Virtual Singer had came through the cafe during his breakdown. His tears seemed never ending, digging up his feelings of self-loathing, disgust, and affection for his senior kept them pouring down. Though eventually, the rain had to stop.

Akito pulled away from her shoulder, her cream top being darkened because of his tears. “I don’t know what to do, I-I messed it all up..” He mumbled, his voice shaking. Looking up at MEIKO with red eyes, sniffling and wiping his face pitifully.

“Akito, you haven’t messed anything up, I promise. I don’t know much about this boy, but if he’s genuinely interested in you, he’d understand. This ‘Tsukasa’ guy-” the name elicited a sob from Akito, “-wouldn’t try kissing you and spending 6 whole months trying to get closer to you even though you’ve already had a tumultuous relationship, if he did not like you.” MEIKO sighed, her hands being lifted off of his body and moved down to rub her eyes. “Maybe you should try confronting him, tell him about your feelings properly, alright? Just give it time.”

Akito pulled away from the brunette and wrapped his arms around his waist, avoiding eye contact with her entirely. “I… don’t know. This might entirely ruin my career as an artist, people don’t support queer people as much as they should. I couldn’t imagine how my father would react either…”

MEIKO watched as he continued to beat down on himself and the possibility of being with this Tsukasa boy. She sighed and put her elbow on the counter, leaning over it and looking out at the many cushions, booths and stools that filled her cafe. “Akito, if you really wanted him, you would be chasing after him right now. I don’t blame you for running away, what he did was weird.” She paused, looking for words to form what she was trying to say. “Give yourself some time to process your emotions, you’re obviously not in the state right now to be jumping into his arms. You need to accept yourself first.”

Akito kept his eyes down, wiping his face with the back of his hand. His breathing was growing steadier and he didn’t sound on the verge of another breakdown once he spoke up. “I’ll try.” He mumbled, bringing his hand down and pressing his thumb into his palm.

MEIKO nodded and looked at the digital clock on her wall, Akito had been here for around 40 minutes now. It was getting late. “You should go home and get some rest, you’ve got the whole weekend to reflect on yourself and try to come up with a way to apologize to him.” She smiled warmly at him, turning around in her seat to face forward. The Virtual Singer rubbing Akito’s back. “Unless you want to stay a little longer, I can make you something to drink and we could brainstorm together.” She suggested.

Akito sat in silence, refusing to respond until his mind was made up. He was exhausted, exhausted from crying and throwing up, he would’ve rathered gone home and slept. The idea of staying in the SEKAI longer than he needed to in his state made him want to cry all over again. Akito sighed deeply. “I’m gonna go home, maybe tomorrow we can talk…” He mumbled, already pulling himself off the stool and stepping towards the exit.

“Alright, be safe!” MEIKO waved goodbye to him, watching through the glass his figure dissipating back into reality. Her waving hand moving to her tear-stained shoulder, a frown forming as KAITO burst through the door with a whiny Rin clinging onto him.

…

Tsukasa had excused himself from the hangout, claiming his mother needed him home for supper. It was a blatant lie, his heart was pounding against his ribs and he had to choke the words out. The bright star couldn’t even look Rui in the eye. His attempts at a boisterous and loud personality sounded fake even to his ears. The flawless actor was unable to repress his heavy emotions of being rejected and looked at with so much fear. Rui and Toya understood his need for leaving, yet not knowing why he left so suddenly.

The dimming star’s trudge back to the Tenma household felt neverending, his brain looping the expression thrown at him from Akito. It was filled with disgust, surprise and betrayal? He wasn’t so sure on that last bit, his already guilty conscience was twisting the narrative.

Tsukasa felt like an idiot, a complete and utter buffoon. He didn’t know exactly what made him want to kiss Akito in that exact moment and expect for it to go well.

Maybe a part of him knew this was going to happen.

That notion made him feel even more regret.

He eventually landed himself in his bed, staring at the phone on his desk. Sleeping was a difficult feat, texting Akito was an impossible one. The blonde sighed heavily and brought his arm up to shield his eyes, everything in his room reminded him of Akito in some sense. It was tortuous.

Tsukasa knew he messed up. He didn’t know how to fix it.

…

The weekend passed by dully. Tsukasa went about his regular routine and Akito spent most of his time either in the SEKAI, Weekend Garage, or his own room. All of WxS had spent most of their time working on their upcoming performance next weekend.

That entire time however he kept remembering the CD he had left behind… hopefully Toya had grabbed it…

Monday reared its ugly head, a dull reminder to Akito on his feelings and self-loathing. The attempts made to understand and accept himself did not stop however, his growth was incredibly slow. It was like watching an oak tree grow over the next 30 years, it would take months for a sprout to peek its head out of the ground.

Akito had started spending more time with Toya after stopping contact with Tsukasa for that weekend, both of them went out to Weekend Garage and practiced together. It was comfortable and familiar, singing felt like another outlet for his feelings once more.

Their time spent together was driving smoothly, no mention of Friday meant he didn’t have to think of Tsukasa, or his feelings. Just drowning in the music, singing alongside his partner. It was a nice distraction.

That was until the inevitable came. Toya was always nosy when it came to the two, constantly asking how much time they spent together, where they went, things they talked about. It was sweet at first, but now it was just overbearing.

“Akito, what’s going on between you and Tsukasa? After Friday it seemed both of you two stopped talking much. Usually after practice you would go run off to see him.” Toya spoke up, a bottle of water clutched in his hands. They had both just finished a set.

“Nothin’, he’s…” Akito hesitated, taking another sip of his water. “He’s busy rehearsing for his next performance. What about you? How are you and Rui doing?” The boy quickly switched the topic of conversation, it also helped that previously he had been talking to MEIKO about finding out what a healthy queer relationship could look like. It could be a good learning experience to hear it from somebody he trusted while simultaneously being able to understand his own affection towards the star.

Toya hummed in response, a smile poking at the edge of his lips, the same smile that always appeared on his face the moment Rui was mentioned in conversation. “I think it’s going well.” He responded simply, lost in his own wonderland of his boyfriend.

Akito studied the expression of his best friend, his chest tightening with envy. “How did you know?” He asked hesitantly, his hand going to rub the back of his neck. Akito moving slowly to a nearby chair, sitting down as silently as possible. It seemed as if he were trying to make himself small and invisible.

Toya looked up at the ceiling, his eyebrows knitting together and a sweet crease formed between them. “I knew when I knew who he was.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“My perception of love is loving somebody with their flaws. It doesn't matter what they do, what they are or what they've done, it's being able to see that and keep loving.” Toya explained, looking around Weekend Garage as he spoke. “That's how I feel with Rui. He also just… is freeing. I don't have to be anybody.”

Akito didn’t have a response, just a small shift and his eyes darting away once Toya looked back down at him. What was he supposed to say? With an emotion as complex as love, it was bound to be different than someone else’s.

However–throughout the small monologue–one part stuck out to the ginger.

‘I don’t have to be anybody.’

Didn't Tsukasa tell him that once upon a time?

He shifted uncomfortably at the memory, a small grimace forming. “Is that right?” Akito mumbled, he didn’t really care anymore, his own mind too preoccupied by the star. “How long have you two been dating now?” He asked, tilting his head back to face his blue haired partner.

Once Toya was recounting the amount of months they’d been together, an idea formed in the boy’s mind. What if he came out to Toya? Toya would understand, he was… gay. Plus, he was close to Tsukasa, it was brilliant. Get a perspective from one of his childhood friends, become more comfortable telling people about his sexuality, and have his best friend help him navigate this.

It was a brilliant idea, until he felt his stomach churn again. A lump almost immediately formed in his throat after the thought settled in his mind. Was he going crazy?! Akito fidgeted with his fingers idly, the pros outweighed the cons.

The cons were generally being outed and humiliated, if he were able to play the question off however, Akito might be able to dodge all of it.

With a final, shuddering breath, Akito interrupted Toya with his million dollar question.

“What would you think if I had feelings for Tsukasa?” He asked, puking the words out as quickly as possible. Akito waited for the feeling of nausea to hit him, for guilt to bring him to tears. But nothing happened, no loud crowd gasp, the room didn't collapse in on itself.

It was just silent for a moment, Akito couldn’t bring himself to look up at Toya.

The “confession” of his feelings for the shimmering star didn’t feel as Earth shattering compared to when he dumped it all out to MEIKO. A sigh fell from Toya’s lips.

“I wouldn't be surprised.” Toya replied quietly, walking over to a nearby chair and sitting near Akito. A gentle, teasing, uncharacteristic smile on his face.

“You wouldn’t? Seriously?” Akito asked, his expression turning from mild shame to complete bafflement. Was he that obvious?

“Oh yeah, I mean… I've noticed how much time you've spent with him, you guys spend almost every waking second possible to be near each other. Also, just your expression around him. You look… I can't describe it.” Toya hummed in thought, his elbow resting on the dark-wooded table in the dim room.

“You look comfortable and free, just being around him. It fluctuates a lot though, sometimes you look like you're in the presence of a divine being with the way your eyes sparkle-” Akito scoffed. “I'm serious!” Toya cried. “Other times you look as if touching him would kill you.”

Toya ran his hands through his bangs as he spoke, watching as the two-colored hair slipped from between his fingers. “I guess the simplest way to describe it is that you wear the same expression you do while you're singing on stage with me and everyone else. You're excited, you're free with your expressions. You don't really hide yourself when you sing.”

Akito listened silently, the tension in his shoulders gradually unraveling as Toya kept talking. He knew it was true, it was impossible for him to hide something he enjoyed, much less love.

Akito fidgeted in his seat, his knee bouncing up and down rapidly as he thought about confessing more about him and Tsukasa's relationship. “I don't.. really know. I like him, I just find it weird for me to accept myself for liking people of the same gender. I don't care about other people being in that kind of relationship, sure it feels weird in my stomach and chest but… people are people. All it is is my own insecurity and jealousy.”

Akito and Toya fell silent, it was awkward. It felt like Toya was waiting for him to admit something more, he could feel his silver eyes piercing through the side of his head. Akito sighed heavily before speaking up again.

“Pretty much everything you described about what love is, is how I feel towards Tsukasa. I just worry I don't have a chance anymore…” Akito mumbled.

“Akito, I'm more than 100% certain you still have a chance.” Toya laughed. “I'm not sure what happened between you two on Friday, but Tsukasa definitely still wants you. He's been wanting you. I doubt his feelings for you are gonna change after a few days.”

“Seriously?” Akito perked up, lifting his head from his lap.

“Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't noticed up until now. Both of you were oblivious.” It was obvious from the beginning from what Toya was seeing, Akito changed after getting close to Tsukasa. It also hadn't helped that Rui spoiled it for him that Tsukasa was interested in his best friend.

The ginger groaned with frustration, he could have been with Tsukasa the whole time if he hadn't been so stupid with his feelings and identity!

…

Monday morning had been hell for Tsukasa, between focusing on classes and avoiding Akito. Everywhere he went, a head of orange would be waiting at the corner. Akito had been lurking in every hallway he turned.

Even when Tsukasa was talking to Rui between classes, Akito found his way into the 3rd year hallway just to talk to the purple-headed engineer. Which NEVER happened, this had to be a set up…

The dreaded ginger stood awkwardly in front of the duo, waiting for their conversation to end so he could talk to either one of them. Tsukasa was unable to even spare him a glance, one look would intensify his guilt. It was a dick move to completely ignore the guy you kissed a few days ago without consent, but what was he supposed to do?! Akito probably hated everything about him now-

“Kamishiro, do you know when your next performance date is?” Akito asked, jumping into the conversation the moment there was a second of silence between Tsukasa and Rui. Tsukasa had gotten lost in his thoughts, which caused their talk to end abruptly.

“It’s next weekend, right Tsukasa?” Rui asked, turning to the stiff blonde. “Yeah. It’s on Saturday.” Tsukasa’s usually lifted and energetic tone had flattened to dullness. His gaze was only focused on Rui, looking at Akito felt like mission impossible.

Tsukasa knew that the kiss he had done was wrong, forcing himself onto Akito was disgusting. Did he even have a right to make eye contact with him? Probably not.

“Why were you asking, Akito?” Rui spoke up, the tense silence between the two was completely new. Not even a sharp remark from Akito had slipped, just a nod and a shuffle of his feet. “Oh, Ena was wondering. Her and Mafuyu wanted to visit one of your shows.” Akito said, his eyes moving between his seniors.

“Ah,” Rui hummed, a delighted smile playing on his face, “so many have been wanting to visit our show! Aren’t An and Kohane coming along with Toya?” The director questioned, it was apparent he had been notified of their visiting from Toya.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure Mizuki is tagging along though if An and Ena are going.” Akito rolled his eyes at the thought, glancing over his shoulder wearily as if mentioning their name would summon the pink demon.

Tsukasa, over the period of their small talk, began drifting to his other fellow classmates. Every syllable that slipped from Akito’s lips drove him crazy. Part of him wanted to drop to his knees and beg for Akito’s forgiveness, to salvage whatever relationship they had! The other half felt he didn't quite deserve that luxury.

Rui and Akito went silent, their talking points could only stretch on for so long without incident.

“Akito, are you going to the performance?” Rui questioned, following his junior’s line of sight. Sure enough, his bright, shining actor was missing. Akito already knew why he was asking, it was about Tsukasa.

“Probably, it’d be weird if I didn’t go with the rest of my friends, and Ena I guess... I would feel bad if I didn’t.” Akito sighed, shoving his hands into his hands into his pockets to prevent himself from scratching more at his neck. It was all he had been doing the past few days, the skin was so raw it hurt to drag his nails even gently across.

This whole conversation felt pointless, it was stiff and awkward and just downright frustrating! Rui was dancing over the topic of Tsukasa, Toya had probably spouted off to him about his confession or whatever bullshit that was! The only reason he had come down to this hallway was to confront Tsukasa. Now he was stuck in some stupid loop with Rui.

He had to get out, and fast.

“Well, I’ve got to get back to my class, passing period is almost over.” Akito mumbled, spinning on his heels, though not before passing a glance at the blonde. The only thing he caught was the back of his head and navy blazer.

Lunch would be coming soon, and that only meant more aversion from his senior. Was there even any point in chasing after him? The only other option Akito could conjure up would be cornering him at Phoenix Wonderland…

…

Thankfully Akito hadn’t gone searching for Tsukasa during lunch that day. He prayed the rest of his day would follow the same path.

Tsukasa had avoided their spot under the tree like the Bubonic Plague, resorting to sitting on the roof instead. He used to always sit up here with Rui 7 months ago before becoming ‘friends’ with Akito. However, there was no director to accompany him.

It was strange. To be alone at lunch in general, Tsukasa was always so used to having somebody on his right, Akito, or someone on his left, Rui. Having neither of his closest friends was uncomfortable.

His napkin and bento box lay idle in his lap, his head turned and gaze focused on the chain-link fence presented behind him. From this view Tsukasa could see him and Akito’s area. It was nearly always empty, save for the two boys who sat there everyday.

It was pitiful, really, a star actor like himself getting worked up and worried over some guy who hated his guts since the moment his pretty olive eyes landed on him! He shouldn’t be worrying about such trivial matters when he has a future of stardom right in front of him! Tsukasa huffed, he was desperately trying to minimize his feelings, to brush off the insecurity and fear bubbling up inside of him.

He turned away from the fence and screamed in terror when met with a head of long, dark blue hair to his left. “SHIRAISHI?!” Tsukasa screeched, his body involuntarily jumping. He nearly launched himself out of the chair.

“Heya Tsukasa!” An grinned, leaning back against the fence. She seemed severely satisfied from Tsukasa’s reaction. “What’re you doing up here? You’re always with Akito.” An’s hands went up to twirl at her hair, her index finger spinning the silky strands around.

An was always straight to the point…

“Oh,” Tsukasa laughed awkwardly, why was everyone curious as to why they weren’t together?! “Just a little altercation, it’s nothing really.” The star brushed it off, that’s all it was!

An frowned, her momentary joy fading, she looked down at the canopy of trees lining their regular seats. “Are you sure? Akito’s acting strange too, like… more than usual.”

Tsukasa looked away from the girl and down to his untouched luncheon. “I’m very sure, my beloved Junior!” He grinned, puffing out his chest and brushing his bangs out of his eyes. The star’s posture straightening out immediately.

An didn’t know whatever game he was playing, she just sighed and slumped into the empty seat next to her senior. She already could’ve guessed what happened just from their lack of interactions today.

It was clear Tsukasa was smitten with Akito the moment they met, especially at the sports festival. Her seniors' attempts to get closer to Akito never went unnoticed.

And it worked recently, Akito would ditch the group immediately after rehearsal to meet with Tsukasa, Tsukasa would come visit Weekend Garage searching for the ginger, all Akito did was text him! The times she would peep over his shoulder, the only contact was Tsukasa! Not to mention their runs and constant loitering around the mall together! An saw it all.

It just didn’t make sense that some random Monday they stopped interacting all together! Something must’ve happened, maybe a messy love confession! DID AKITO TURN TSUKASA DOWN?!

“Tsukasa, do you like Akito?” An finally asked, looking up at the blonde curiously. Her being able to hold her composure was a miracle. If Akito had turned Tsukasa down, she was about to cause a scene. The blonde faltered in response. “I- of course I like him! Akito is one of my dearest friends, why wouldn’t I?”

“I mean as in romantically, like… you would want to be with him.” An clarified. Tsukasa wasn’t that big of a dumbass, he was playing stupid.

The question hung in the air as Tsukasa struggled to find a proper answer to her inquiry. His poised posture slouching a tad as he popped his bento box open. Looking down at lunch he had packed the previous night.

“Yeah.” He mumbled, taking chopsticks out and snagging a clump of rice. “I kinda figured.” An sighed, a solemn smile poking at her lips. “I noticed it since the Sports Festival.”

“Was it that obvious?” Tsukasa spoke after swallowing a piece of fried chicken. “I didn’t think a small crush would turn into this whole ordeal… I don’t know what I was thinking.”

An hummed, crossing her legs, painted nails going up to fidget with her tie. “I dunno either, I’m not even sure whatcha did-” “I kissed him.” Tsukasa groaned, removing the bento from his lap. The poor star leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees and hid his face in his hands. It was embarrassing to even say out loud.

“You kissed him..?” An gasped, leaning forward with him. “Dude, you’re serious? That’s why you two are so distant?!” She shouted, a few heads turning to see the ruckus they were starting.

“Yes…” Tsukasa whined, dragging his hands down his face. “It’s my fault… I should’ve known he wasn’t gay. I mean, we’ve been friends for almost a whole year!”

The girl was baffled, Akito didn’t swing that way? That couldn’t be true! It was impossible. “Akito’s definitely gay, there’s no chance he isn’t!” She huffed, all her predictions were wrong?!

No, she was almost always right gauging these kinds of things. “I mean, he’s always trying to be with you, you two are always doing something together. I have no clue if you’ve noticed it but Akito acts really different around you, he literally blushes around you!”

The street artist’s hand went to her bangs, pinching the strands and bringing them forward. “How did you go about it?” She asked, watching as Tsukasa finally leaned back. His ears were pink with embarrassment and humiliation.

“Err… I just told him to trust me, and to close his eyes.” Tsukasa murmured, his usual booming voice retracting to a whisper. He didn’t want to mention any of Akito’s internalized homophobia, it was nobody else’s business but theirs.

“Oh my God, Tsukasa…” An breathed, rubbing her eyes in exhaustion. Tsukasa was a lost cause when it came to romantics and courtsmanship.

“An, when did you know that you and Mizuki wanted to date? People have already told me that Akito has liked me, but… how do I know?” Tsukasa looked over to the girl, his expression was soft and confused. The poor boy was obviously heartbroken, as much as he tried to deny it.

“Well…” An was at a loss for words, how did she and Mizuki start dating? It wasn’t even that long ago, but mutual love was such a hard thing to describe. “For me, I think time was all Mizuki needed, I wanted to rush into our relationship. Become an item immediately, but they wanted to go slow. So… we went slow.” She started up, grasping for words as she went along. “That might be what you two need, patience in general. You tried to rush too quickly, maybe Akito isn’t fully ready for that, y’know?”

Tsukasa went silent, his responses this whole conversation took a lot longer than usual. His quick, rapid fire retorts and replies were slowed down by 40%.

“Yeah.” That was all Tsukasa could muster, An was completely right. He rushed too much and might’ve possibly ruined everything. “Do you think I still have a chance?”

“Mmm.. definitely!” An grinned once more, a small snicker slipping. It was definitely an attempt to cheer her senior up. “Akito will definitely understand if you talk to him properly!”

“Are you sure?” Tsukasa was unsure of his ability to repair things with Akito, much less given the blessing of dating him in general. “Of course, I wouldn’t really lie to you about this stuff!”

Tsukasa exhaled slowly, most likely to calm himself down. He looked over to his barely touched food and decided maybe it was time to eat now that that was settled. “Do you want some of my food? I usually always bring extras for Akito, but he’s not here.” Tsukasa offered it as a small gift for An’s help.

An perked up at the mention of food, accepting the offer greedily. After she finished eating the extra food–which was utterly delicious–An reminded Tsukasa of her visit to the show with Mizuki. “Oh, yeah! Me, Mizuki, Ena and Mafuyu are all visiting your show! I’m not sure if anyone has told you…”

“I’m aware, I overheard Rui talking about it. I hope you find it truly spectacular!” Tsukasa laughed heartily, his usual spunk returning after regaining his confidence.

…

Tsukasa returned that day absolutely drained, after rehearsal and constantly worrying himself silly over Akito, he just wanted to eat and sleep. There was no energy to bathe, do homework, or read over his lines once more.

Saki greeted him with energy he could’ve only dreamed of. As the older brother however, he had to prove he was able to overcome this small lack of energy. Tsukasa mustered enough energy to reciprocate hers, dinner flew by, and soon he was crashing into bed.

Tsukasa’s head was buried into his pillow, his body stretched lazily over the mattress and sheets. His phone sat on the bedside table, the only noise flooding Tsukasa’s head was the faint sound of the television playing downstairs which was interrupted by a loud ping!

Tsukasa groaned and flipped his body to grab his phone, checking his notifications. It had to be either Emu or Rui, nobody else seemed to text him that regularly.

It was Akito, his contact brightening up his face as it taunted him. Tsukasa’s stomach was in his feet once he unlocked his phone.

Did he even want to read the message? It was most likely Akito calling him out on all his bullshit and that he never wants to be friends again, that he wouldn’t even want to look at him!

The blue dot next to Akito’s contact stared at him menacingly, Tsukasa’s thumb hovering over it hesitantly.

However, in the end he pressed Akito’s name and read the message. Tsukasa was met by a small message from him, his dread shooting up to full panic-mode. He sat up in his bed, his head sitting on the backboard of his bedframe.

‘hey i get y ur avoiding me and how you might feel abt all this but i still wanna talk this thru so we can continue being friends’

Friends? That’s it? That’s all he got from him? Tsukasa stared at the message blankly, what could he say to that? He didn’t want to just be friends, after him and An’s conversation he was almost 100% sure he would be able to score at least a date with him.

Being friends with Akito, going back to normal, it all felt wrong. It would be better to completely forget about Akito entirely than suffer being with him knowing his feelings were unrequited.

What would he even say back? Replying back to the message that singlehandedly destroyed all his hopes and chances of getting with the man he had been infatuated with for what felt like decades at this point felt impossible.

The only other option that Tsukasa could come up with was to remove and block Akito’s contact, along with all his social media profiles. It was Tsukasa’s first step in completely ridding himself of Akito entirely.

He didn’t want to be stuck with somebody he’ll never be able to have, to sit by Akito everyday and still be unable to love him the way he wanted to.

Leaving him and saving both of them from that drama felt smart, right? So why was he not relieved? Why did he want to run back to him? Having at least a small amount of him, something like his phone number, felt more comforting than lacking all of him entirely.

Tsukasa tossed his phone back onto the nightstand, he wanted to go back to the night where Akito held his hand while he was supposedly asleep. Tsukasa wanted to feel his warmth more than anything.

The TV had been switched off sometime during his internal struggle, faint ringing hummed in the back of his head, the sound of his breath being the only thing he heard.

Tsukasa brought his knees up to his chest, hugging his shins comfortably as he sat. What was he even doing anymore? It was naive to think that “letting go” of Akito would solve anything, Tsukasa knew he wouldn’t find someone like him again. Tsukasa wasn’t sure if he wanted anyone else.

He didn’t want to go to school and see him everywhere, to pretend the past 7 or 8 months didn’t matter. That his feelings didn’t matter.

Exhaustion washed over him, his eyes felt heavy and his grip on the meat of his legs finally loosened. The star finally relaxed his head back onto his pillow and slept, sleeping would be better than staying up and dwelling on Akito, on his eyes, on his warmth.

…

Akito had come to the conclusion that he had been blocked on nearly every site imaginable that following morning. His attempts at contact and confrontation had been met with yet another wall.

Akito continued on through his school week, it was dragging along slowly, he spent his days with Toya and the rest of Vivid Bad Squad in and out of school. Yet he still kept trying to grab Tsukasa. He would sit on the roof during lunch with An, Mizuki, and Toya just to watch Tsukasa. Akito would purposefully linger in places he knew Tsukasa would be, the auditorium, the hallways his classes were in, and his locker.

Sure, it was a little stalker-ish. But all he was doing was trying to get his attention! Why hadn’t he cornered him already? He was nervous Tsukasa would run away or outright reject him, plus his speech hadn’t been readied yet.

Saturday was approaching and quickly, Akito still was holding onto the idea he could back out anytime he wanted to. It was Wednesday already and the street performer was seriously considering it. It wouldn’t hurt anybody for him to message An ‘im not going, something came up’, right?

Akito’s thoughts had been spiraling since lunch, and now he was in the kitchen of his own home somehow. When exactly did he get here?

Ena and him had been lingering in the kitchen, it was one of those rare moments they were able to co-exist and talk normally without snide remarks or fighting.

Their parents had been out for some art event for their father, leaving the two with the house to themselves. Ena had decided on making food and Akito assisted her, it was a simple meal with whatever they could find in the fridge and pantry. Which turned out to be curry rice.

The food turned out delicious, Ena was an excellent cook because of their mother. All Akito did was throw the rice in the rice cooker and complain about having carrots in the dish. Now he was doing the dishes with Ena sitting on the countertops.

“You’re still going to the show, right?” Ena had asked for the 13th time that week, it was getting annoying. Her hand that held her phone rested on her lap.

“Yeah,” Akito sighed, his tone more biting, “why do you keep asking anyway?” Akito questioned, suds coating his hand as he scrubbed a plate with a sponge. “Just making sure! I’m worried you might leave everyone the night before, a lot of people are going anyway, it’d be lame if you chickened out over some guy.” She huffed, her tone matter-of-factly yet still held concern. Ena looked over to Akito.

Her brother went quiet, his expression tightening. How was she even aware of the issue with Tsukasa? He hadn’t told anyone other than Toya and MEIKO about it! “Are you talking about Tsukasa?” Akito asked, running water over the plate he was working on to reveal clean porcelain. His heart rate had increased just at the mention of his name.

“Who else?” Ena looked back down at her phone, a notification causing it to buzz and bring her attention back down. Akito placed the plate in the drying rack.

“Who even told you about that? I know for a fact I haven’t-" "It was Mizuki, they had heard about it from An. An had a conversation with Tsukasa apparently and he spilled everything to her. They won’t tell me what exactly happened though…” Ena admitted, her expression only seemed semi-guilty for prying into his life.

It was hypocritical for her to peer into his personal business, to confront him about things she knew her little brother could handle. Afterall, she hated it when Akito would try to.

Akito breathed a sigh of relief, at least Ena wasn’t aware of the kiss… but Tsukasa was a complete idiot for even admitting anything to An! He loved An, she was one of his closest friend, but it was impossible for her to hold anything back from her girlfriend. And her girlfriend just had to be his sister’s best friend.

“I dunno why you hadn’t told me earlier though, I get you have your own life and your own issues that you go through, I just wish I could help you more I guess.” Ena mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Do you like Tsukasa in that way though?”

Answering that type of question, even after it only being the 3rd time he was asked, was still difficult. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth and his stomach twist with shame. “Yeah.” Akito mumbled. “It doesn’t matter though, he’s blocked me on everything and ignores me at school. I’ve already tried reaching out to him Monday night, but I just got un-added and removed.”

Ena listened silently, crossing her legs and fidgeting with her nails. She was already informed that Tsukasa liked Akito, not vice versa. It was strange hearing her little brother admit that he liked another boy.

This was the same guy that had condemned gay people all of his junior year, who had to constantly inform her that liking girls was wrong.

“But doesn’t it matter to you? It’s pretty obvious to me you still want to have him, or at least confront him.” Ena frowned, her fingers tapping at the granite of the countertop.

Akito continued washing dishes, processing Ena’s words, which were surprisingly wise for once. The awkward sound of rushing water from the tap filled the otherwise silent house.

It honestly did matter to Akito, the whole issue between them felt like a corny shoujo beat miscommunication trope. He would only know that through Ena though because of her unhealthy collection of them.

“I’m already working on confronting him.” Akito admitted, setting the last of the dirty dishes out to dry. “Seriously?” Ena pressed, she seemed genuinely shocked Akito would push so hard for some loudmouth boy he constantly complained about.

“Of course I would, I’m not an asshole… he probably thinks I hate him or whatever when that’s not the case.” Akito sighed, wiping his dripping hands on a nearby rag. His real obstacle at this point was gathering enough courage to even go up to Tsukasa and admit everything to him. It was impossible to gauge what would happen afterwards, that was only if he could manage to grab him before or after their performance…

“How are you going to confront him if all he’s doing is running away from you and blocking you? You could make an alt account and message him through there though.” Ena suggested, hopping off of the counter briskly. Akito seemed almost appalled at her mention of creating a completely different account.

“Did you not think about that? It’s the most standard way to contact someone after they’ve blocked you… Mizuki does it nearly all the time and it’s genuinely an issue with how many of their accounts I’ve had to block.” She grumbled.

“I dunno… it didn’t seem like an option to me. But, I was planning on cornering him at Phoenix Wonderland. I just don’t know how or when.” Akito dropped the rag onto the counter carelessly and went to scratch his neck. “Afterwards would be better, I don’t want to mess up his acting with my stupid confession or whatever it is. He’ll probably lag behind to talk to every single person who shows up.”

Ena hums in agreement, checking her phone once more before breaking out in a yawn. It was nearly midnight, Akito should’ve been in bed 2 hours ago. Ena was most likely going to make coffee to continue on school work or her art projects.

“I’ve got a call with a few of my other night school friends in an hour, I need to squeeze in more schoolwork too…” Ena complained, combing her fingers through her hair. She turned on her heel and began her march back to her room. “I hope everything goes well between you two on Saturday…”

Akito nodded and followed her up the stairs in silence, Ena was too preoccupied with her phone and messaging her friends to continue their conversation. Akito was more focused on Tsukasa.

He knew he had to say something before they fell out completely, Akito wanted to at least try to be what Tsukasa needed. It wasn’t fair of him to completely disregard both of their feelings because it was too “hard.”

He was almost sure he had fallen for the actor over the last few months.

…

The rest of the week had breezed past after Akito had admitted that fact to himself. He was sorta aware of what he wanted to say, any message that he forged and wrote felt ingenuine. Even if it was messy, if he went in blind at least it was his real, current feelings.

Sleeping Friday night was nerve wracking, his usual sleep schedule had already been fucked over since last Friday night. Akito had already spent 3 hours rolling around in his bed, constantly conjuring up worst case scenarios. No matter how little he had slept, his body still forced him to wake up at 5 in the morning sharp.

The only way Akito truly knew how to clear his head was to run, he had plenty of time to run for a few hours, shower, get food, and meet with the rest of Vivid Bad Squad. He figured it would be easier on him to leave without Ena, facing Mizuki and An after they had been spilled his biggest fumble and humiliation was incredibly embarrassing. Akito wasn’t even sure if they were above teasing him about it, having his first kiss be stolen by Tsukasa Tenma of all people was hard to admit with the current situation.

Akito had gone through his regular motions and had set off to Weekend Garage since he was left with an extra hour and a half left. Along with the fact Toya messaged Akito to head over early for food and to talk.

Vivid Street was packed with street performers and idle chatter, bright, colorful graffiti painted the walls gorgeously. The community here felt tight knit and comfortable as usual, a few people pausing conversations to greet Akito. Many had asked him when his next performance would be despite the fact Vivid Bad Squad had finally been taken off hiatus due to exams.

After the small talk had subsided, Akito was finally able to slip back into Weekend Garage. The familiar ding! of the front door swinging open was drowned out by the crowd inside. Every booth and stool was claimed, some had decided to stand and converse.

An stood up from their usual booth and waved Akito down with a teasing grin. He knew what that smile entailed…

“Akito! Come sit here!” She called, patting the empty room next to her. An’s booming and distinct voice stuck out in the crowd.

The ginger maneuvered around multiple people to get to their seat in the corner, sliding into the booth. “How long have you guys been waiting?” Akito spoke up, looking between Toya and Kohane. “Probably 45 minutes, me and Toya got here earlier, right before the noon rush.” Kohane spoke, her voice barely audible over all the noise.

“Why’d you guys get ready so early? The play isn’t until 1.” Akito sighed, placing his arms onto the table. His elbows resting and his right hand holding his cheek. “I was surprised you weren’t absolutely rushing to get to Phoenix Wonderland.” An teased, looking over to Akito and leaning onto him. Toya looked between the two anxiously.

Akito’s expression tightened, he brushed her off his shoulder with a shrug. Did this have something to do with her conversation with Tsukasa? “What’re you even talking about?” He looked over to her.

“Oh y’know… a certain blonde headed senior you’ve been in looovvveee with!” “An, is really now the time to be doing this…?” Toya interrupted, his eyes bouncing back and forth with anxiety and cautiousness.

“What senior? Akito likes someone?!” Kohane exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up and her eyes staring at Akito with bewilderment. Akito’s ears flushed a dirty red and his stomach churned violently. To have the secret he’s been so ashamed of and disgusted by being so easily spilled was a nightmare conjured up only in the depths of his mind. “No I don’t! It’s none of your business!” He was lying so blatantly, his words were rushed, his voice was squeaky and his cheeks were red.

“I WAS RIGHT! You are in love with Tsukasa!” An shrieked, her voice dying away when she said Tsukasa in a lazy attempt to conceal his crush. Akito groaned loudly the moment the first syllable of Tsukasa’s name slipped from her lips.

“He’s in love with who?!” Kohane shouted, fighting against the crowd and the loud groans and “shut up’s” from Akito.

“Tsukasa Ten-” She shouted before being silenced immediately by Akito clamping his hand over her mouth. It was too late however.

“THE LEADING ACTOR FOR WONDERLANDS X SHOWTIME?!” Kohane shrieked, her jaw dropping to the ground. Her suspicions were confirmed when Akito’s face flushed a deep red and Toya looked away.

The table fell into momentary silence, all eyes locking in on Akito as they waited for confirmation or not. His ears were a deep red and his cheeks a heavy pink before An burst into loud cackles. Akito’s hand had slipped off her mouth and went to his own face.

“An, shut the hell up!” Akito yelled desperately over her laughing, his voice squeaking towards the end. “You like TSUKASA?! A few months ago all you were talking about was how much you hated him!” Kohane exclaimed.

“Well I don’t anymore!” Akito slammed his palms down on the table loudly and buried his head in his elbow. Toya sighed and reached out to pat his arm in an attempt to comfort him. An’s loud cackles finally faded to little giggles. Kohane’s momentary shock died away as she processed the information.

An sighed dramatically and patted Akito’s back excessively hard in mock comfort. Kohane spoke up, “I knew you two were friends but I never figured you of all people would fall for him.” The table fell silent. “Does he even know?” She asked cautiously.

“I’ve been planning on admitting it-” “Oh yeah, Tsukasa is definitely in love with him.” Akito and An spoke simultaneously.

Akito immediately fell quiet for the first time since he sat down, his expression just as baffled as Kohane’s. He looked like an idiot to Toya and An who knew Tsukasa kissed him right upfront. “He does?” Akito gasped in disbelief.

“Akito,” Toya sighed, “he kissed you. In a mall. Surrounded by people.” Kohane squeaked at the mention of kissing. “He kissed you…” She echoed Toya. Akito groaned for the umpteenth time that afternoon and threw his head back.

“I mean- yeah, he did, but I thought he was doing that to fuck with me!” Akito exclaimed, looking around for someone to understand where he was coming from. To everyone else however, he looked like a flustered loser denying his feelings.

“Tsukasa isn’t the type…” Toya mumbled. “Definitely not.” An nodded with a stupid smug grin on her face. Mizuki was rubbing off way too much on her.

Kohane was having a harder time keeping track of all the events. Apparently she had been missing a lot between Akito and Tsukasa. She was aware that they had become friends over some time, just not that they harbored feelings for one another…

Akito’s protests fell silent when Toya’s alarm blared loudly. It was 12:40 already. The members of Vivid Bad Squad shuffled out of their seats and out of the café.

…

The Wonder Stage was bustling with activity in preparation for the show in 20 minutes. The stage was already set and actors were either worrying about costumes, makeup, or lines. Emu and Nene were assisting each other in makeup, Emu was helping Nene blend her eyeshadow. Earlier Nene had been putting eyeliner on Emu because her hands were shaking from excitement.

Tsukasa and Rui were already dressed and finished with their minimal amount of cosmetics. Rui was fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves while Tsukasa checked his hair for the 10th time that afternoon.

Employees were running in and out of the backstage, groups of people were already entering and finding their seats outside. The chattering of voices drifted through the curtains and into the back, this only fueled their excitement and anxieties for the show.

Tsukasa sat down in his seat and sighed heavily, he was mentally rehearsing his lines from memory before his thoughts drifted to the guests attending. “Rui, who all is coming? I know Mizuki, Kohane, Toya, Ena, and An are coming.” He spoke up, looking over to the purple headed inventor through the mirror.

“Ah, it’s Kohane, Toya, An, Akito, Mizuki, Mafuyu, and Ena.” Rui smiled, looking up from his sleeve. Tsukasa frowned momentarily and looked away, reciting the names. “Are you sure Akito is coming?” Tsukasa laughed at the mention, there was no chance he was actually coming after the past week.

Tsukasa would be surprised if Akito wanted to even look at him.

“Yeah, Toya messaged me about it. They’re all on their way.” Rui hummed, tilting his head off to the side in thought. “Why? Did he tell you he wasn’t going?” He asked curiously. Rui was already aware of the situation, he was just curious to see how Tsukasa would handle it.

“You’re serious? Akito is actually coming?” Tsukasa’s voice raised in pitch, his panic rising the more he thought about it. How was he supposed to focus knowing Akito was watching every single move he made? Scrutinizing him, judging him, glaring at him! The thought made his chest tighten, his nerves flaring up as his mind spiraled.

All Tsukasa had been trying to do was get over his stupid crush on the ginger and live normally, not worrying about the embarrassment and humiliation he would get from everybody. Now Akito had to come in and barge in on his play! It didn’t seem like much but ignoring Akito for over a week is difficult when all he’s doing is trying to grab your attention.

Rui watched inquisitively, he walked towards Tsukasa’s chair and placed a hand on his shoulder. The engineer sighed dramatically and began to pat his shoulder in mock pity. “It truly is a shame… Akito is chasing after his star that’s thousands of light years away. Whatever shall he do as his star continues to drift farther and farther away?” Rui teased.

Rui’s teasing was only meant to drag Tsukasa out from his head, he knew the whole issue–or whatever it is–had been weighing on the star’s shoulders. It was present in their rehearsals, especially the past week. He needed Tsukasa to play his role perfectly, nothing below that. If there was anybody Rui wanted to rely on, it was Tsukasa.

He hoped making light of the situation would bring a smile to Tsukasa’s face and to lessen the crushing weight of anxiety. If he froze up on stage, what could he even do?

Tsukasa huffed, running his hands through his hair nervously. “It’s weird. I’ve been running away from him but all he seems to be doing is chasing me…” Tsukasa mumbled, looking into the mirror and at Rui. “Well, he might’ve been trying to tell you something this whole time. Maybe try to listen to him, just think it over after the show. We’re all going out to eat afterwards since the show won’t end until 3 or 4.” Rui suggested.

“The worst that will happen is that he’ll say he never wants to talk to you again. Which is what you’re basically saying after kissing him and running away immediately because you got rejected.” He explained flatly, the director's hand slipped off Tsukasa's shoulder and to the note pasted on Tsukasa’s mirror. It was Akito’s note.

Rui placed it in front of Tsukasa with a smug smile. “I’m surprised you haven’t thrown this away. Anyways, what I’m getting is that both of you have been sending mixed signals this whole time, no?” He waited until Tsukasa nodded. “Now he’s finally trying to tell you his feelings for you for the first time, just try to listen.”

Tsukasa felt conflicted. He understood where Rui was coming from whole-heartedly but he was absolutely terrified that Akito would tell him he never wanted Tsukasa to see him again. He didn’t want to be a fading memory to Akito. He didn’t want to be forgotten by the man he loved.

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about though, I don’t want him to never talk to me again after this. It’s weird saying that because I’m the one who’s been running away… it’s- ugh.” “But if you keep it this way, you’ll never talk to him again. Your last conversation will be whatever fight or altercation you two had last. Resolve it now while you still can.” Rui hummed his smug smile fading away to a neutral expression.

“I-“ Tsukasa tried. “You have 5 minutes left!” An employee called out loudly, drowning out the rest of his reply. The actor sighed with frustration, he looked up at Rui. “I’ll listen to him after the show.” Tsukasa mumbled. The blonde headed boy jumped out of his seat, fixed his hair, and approached the stage with Emu.

Rui watched with a frown, was he actually going to? The director only shook his head and sat next to Nene.

Stepping into the beaming sunlight and onto that stage felt like cold water being poured on top of Tsukasa’s head. He barely scanned over the crowd, but a head of orange always stuck out to him.

He had a role to play, there was no time to worry about Akito. He was meant to be a loyal knight and lover to Emu. Emu was a gorgeous princess meant to be guarded from the wicked sorcerer, Rui, and his devilish servant, Nene.

The scene opened with Emu talking carelessly about the men she must choose to be her rightful husband. Her and Tsukasa walked across the large Royal Garden, Tsukasa listening silently.

“‘Oh, but it isn’t fair, darling. For I only wish to be with you!” She cried, turning around in her long dress, scooping her hands into his and looking out to the audience. Her eyes were full of anguish. “It isn’t fair! No Prince could ever compare to you!” Emu sobbed, falling into her lover’s arms with despair. “I know, my darling.” Tsukasa sighed, looking down at her with deep affection. The star slowly sank the two of them down to the ground, her dress pooling around them.

“We mustn't do this here. It’s too dangerous, Princess.” Tsukasa whispered, brushing strands of hair behind her ear comfortingly. Akito could only stare with a practically slack jaw. He was physically incapable of looking away from the two.

It had barely even been 10 minutes of him watching the performance and he already wanted to leave. Akito could stand seeing Tsukasa, he did it every day at school. But flirting with somebody? And that being a woman?

Even if it was just an act, jealousy and inferiority slapped him in the face.

Every micro-expression that appeared on Tsukasa’s face from what Akito could see, was studied intently. Was he seriously falling for Emu or was he completely immersed in his character that it just appeared that way? Tsukasa’s eyes were full of deep affection, was this why he had been ignoring him? In place for Emu?

As the play continued, Akito’s mounting anxiety made it impossible for him to focus on the story, let alone sit still. His own made-up delusions and theories about Tsukasa and Emu, plus their own relationship currently.

An odd sense of Deja Vú washed over Akito as his eyes danced across the stage, following Tsukasa’s every movement. He felt his neck warming, whether that was from the heat of his own jacket or blushing, Akito wasn’t sure.

Akito’s restless leg was becoming a ginormous issue for the people squished right next to him. All of his friends had attempted to sit together on one giant bench to leave more room for other guests. His bouncing leg was both jostling Toya and Ena, but shook the crappy bench back and forth.

His movements bothered everyone on it, and because of the weight and metal scrapping against metal it caused an awful screeching noise. This of course brought rightful glares and hushes from people in front of them and behind them.

Toya shifted uncomfortably. “Akito, go take a walk if you’re truly that anxious…” Toya suggested in a whisper while Ena jammed her elbow into his ribs to make him stop. It was noticeable that everybody was getting annoyed.

Akito’s ears flushed in embarrassment and clicked his tongue, his olive eyes taking one last glance of Tsukasa before he nodded. The poor boy stood up from his seat and squeezed his way past everyone nervously.

Attention was nothing new to him, Akito was just worried that Tsukasa would look at him in such a pathetic state and think he was running again.

He had navigated his way out of the Wonder Stage area and began meandering around to kick off some energy. It was crowded again, Akito was used to visiting Phoenix Wonderland at night. Where the lights reflected off the smooth metals, coloring everything in yellows, blues, pinks, and greens.

Seeing it bustling and full of real sunlight wasn’t an entirely foreign experience however, small hangouts between him, Tsukasa, Nene, and Emu were common around this time on weekends…

…

Tsukasa had immediately noticed the head of orange sticking up from his seat and walking away. He’s running away again, was one of two thoughts that crossed Tsukasa’s head. The other was his conversation with Rui prior.

Tsukasa needed to catch Akito today and talk to him. He might be able to slip past when Rui is poisoning Emu… that segment is at least 15 minutes and then it cuts to an intermission. All he needed to do was get the go ahead from his director.

The scene had ended between him and Nene, Tsukasa rushed backstage. The star looked desperately for Rui, his eyes locking on tufts of purple and teal hair immediately. “Rui!” Tsukasa called, bounding towards him and grabbing his wrist.

“I need to go talk to Akito, I just saw him walk away and-” Tsukasa’s words tumbled out, Rui’s shocked expression faded into understanding. “Yeah, just be back soon. Don’t run out in your costume and sneak out the back, don’t let the audience see you.”

Tsukasa nodded swiftly, slipping past employees and muttering apologies on his way to the rear. His costume slipped off with ease, colliding with the ground in a hurry. In the same moment his shirt was thrown over his head and onto his chest. He had to catch Akito before he slipped from his fingers again.

Tsukasa practically burst out of the dressing room and to the back exit. The baseball cap over his head wasn’t even placed on correctly. He glanced over his shoulder and stepped outside. Slipping past the audience wasn’t that difficult due to the amount of people roaming around on a Friday afternoon. Tons of people always stood around the benches to watch for 10 minutes or less until they got bored.

Phoenix Wonderland was massive, Tsukasa wasn’t sure how he’d be able to find him in the large amusement park. He could unblock him and call him… but what if he had also blocked him back? “Urk…” Tsukasa groaned, fixing his hat finally.

The blonde reached for his phone, opening it and pressing on his messaging app. Akito’s number was still in his favorites, he never had the heart to remove it. Their conversation was pulled up, Akito’s message was still left unanswered.

Tsukasa finally unblocked Akito and called him. The phone rang once, then twice, then a third time. Tsukasa decided he wasn’t going to answer, he pulled the phone away from his ear before he heard a “Hello?” from Akito.

Tsukasa’s heart smacked against his ribs, it was nice to hear his voice directed towards him again. He brought his free hand up to his other ear to muffle other sounds. “Where are you?” Tsukasa shouted over the noises and cheers from people and rides.

There was hesitation and silence on the other line, maybe he didn’t want to talk at all! “I just want to talk-!” “I’m at that dumb teacup ride, Tsukasa.” Akito interjected immediately. Tsukasa could’ve poured his heart out immediately to him at that moment over the phone. “Uh.. alright, i’ll be there soon!” Tsukasa mumbled, his head swiveling to find the path to said ride. He didn’t care if Akito heard him.

The call had barely ended before Tsukasa was sprinting off towards Akito’s direction. The layout of the amusement park and its rides were practically engraved into his mind. It didn't take any time for him to make it to the ride. The further he got into the park the more crowded it got, between the couples and families–it felt like he would never be able to find him.

Tsukasa’s eyes scanned over each face, none of them resembled Akito. Had he lied to him? Tsukasa’s heart felt like a ram against his ribs.

“Tsukasa!” Akito shouted from his left, Tsukasa’s head whipped around. The ginger was staring directly at him with a nervous expression, when was Akito ever nervous?

It didn’t matter, all that did matter was that Akito was finally in front of him. The actor lunged for Akito regardless of the crowd of people piled around them. Many people waiting in line patiently for their ride, only to witness a poor man get tackled down to the ground.

Akito had no time to react when 160 pounds of muscle slammed against his chest and wrapped around his body. His knees buckled underneath him, Tsukasa falling into his lap.

A groan slipped from his lips when his ass landed on the hard pavement, the pain momentarily distracted him from the body on top of his own. Tsukasa’s head was buried into his shoulder and his arms thrown around his neck.

Blood rushed up Akito’s face when he felt the warmth of Tsukasa pressed up against him, humiliation following suit due to the crowd staring at the pair with confusion and disdain for such blatant PDA.

“Tsukasa… you’ve got to get off me…” He mumbled, his arm going from the concrete to the hair underneath his hat. Akito felt Tsukasa’s shoulders begin to tremble as he pulled away and apologized. Scooting away from Akito, and picking himself back up.

Akito felt his heart sink when the weight of his body was lifted from his chest, he instinctively took Tsukasa’s hand. “Sorry, I should’ve asked.” Tsukasa apologized immediately, his eyes lingering on Akito’s fingers lingering on his skin.

“Don’t worry about it.” Akito tried offering him a small smile in an attempt to soothe the blonde. It looked shaky and anxious. The nonchalant front he always put on was crumbling in front of Tsukasa’s eyes. Akito was regretting not writing a letter or script to read to him. He would’ve never guessed that Tsukasa would go running after him.

The silence between them only lasted a few beats, but the silent thoughts rushing into their heads had it feeling like hours. During those 3 beats of silence, both of them had stood up. Akito’s hand was still on Tsukasa’s.

Tsukasa decided to speak up. “I don't have much time before I return back on stage,” he sighed, “don’t leave yet though! I saw you turning away and I wasn’t sure if you were giving up on me or not-” Tsukasa paused when he realized he was overexplaining himself.

“But, I’ve been running away for a long time. Even before the stupid kiss.” He admitted, his eyes glued to Akito’s fingers on his own. A lump was forming in his throat that he couldn’t choke down. Tsukasa felt his eyes start burning.

Akito frowned and squeezed his hand. “Yeah, I was just going on a walk because I was getting anxious.” The ginger admitted, his cheeks flushed with shame. Emu and Tsukasa’s dynamic in the play had also been gnawing away at his confidence the entire time as well.

“I was gonna come back to the stage either way, don’t worry about it.” Akito reassured, his tan skin tracing over Tsukasa’s. “And don’t cry… you’ll ruin your makeup.” He added reluctantly as Tsukasa’s shoulders continued to shake. Akito had no clue how to handle Tsukasa’s big emotions, it felt as though he felt everything 5x stronger than everybody else did.

Tsukasa shuffled in silence until it dawned on him that they were still in public, Akito’s hand was still on his. Why was Akito being affectionate? Usually he would pull away or freeze up at any form of affection from him.

Before he had a chance to respond Akito pulled away. “We should head back to the stage, you have to be on soon, right?” He asked, looking over Tsukasa’s shoulder from where he came from. “Y-yeah.” Tsukasa nodded, his face brightening.

The walk back was completely silent and awkward, but they stood extremely close to each other. Every step caused their shoulders to bump and hands to brush each other. Both teenagers took small glances at one another from the corner of their eyes.

Even though neither of them had settled a single thing, Akito was able to watch the rest of their performance with more ease and comfortability. The lingering idea of having to talk about his feelings and thoughts out loud still left dread scratching at the back of his mind.

…

After nearly another hour and a half, the play had finally ended without any further incident.

The princess–Emu–was able to be saved from the evil sorcerer–Rui–and marry her beloved Knight. At the end the sorcerer became an alchemist for the kingdom, the princess became the Queen and her Knight, becoming the King. Nene ended up still being the sorcerer’s assistant in the lab.

Kohane, Toya, and Akito ended up going backstage to meet with either their girlfriend or boyfriend. In Akito's case, his situationship. Toya, Rui, Nene, Emu, Kohane, and Tsukasa all talking in a circle. Akito stood off to the side in between Rui and Toya.

The group talked on and on, eventually migrating outside to meet up with the rest of the group. Akito wasn’t completely sure Tsukasa and him would even get around to talking that day, seeing how their meal plans would go, neither of them would get a moment of privacy to talk everything out.

As they all began to shuffle their way to the exit, Akito grabbed Tsukasa’s wrist and pulled him from Rui’s side. “Tsukasa,” Akito opened his mouth to say something, but what was he meant to say? It felt selfish wanting to stay behind or separate from the group just to talk out their problems. It was rare to gather everybody together all at once, so why should he take away this moment from him?

“Yeah?” Tsukasa asked, his voice dragging Akito out of his thoughts. The blonde looked over his shoulder with a nervous smile, it was obvious he was looking towards Rui. “Could we talk? About earlier?” Akito asked, his grip tightening so he couldn’t slip away.

Tsukasa was silent for a moment before eventually nodding. “Of course, let me let Toya and Rui know we’ll be skipping out on our lunch plans.” Tsukasa reassured Akito he’d be back with a head pat. It was a familiar gesture from his senior, everything felt normal for a moment.

The two still walked with the group before splitting off to go separate ways. Tsukasa spent most of the time talking with the rest of the group while Akito hung back with Toya, An, and Mizuki. Both of the girls had been teasing him relentlessly for Tsukasa chasing after him. But they too wanted the cute details.

The restaurant they were headed to was in the opposite direction of the Tenma residency, so eventually they had to part. Tsukasa spent at least 15 minutes saying goodbye to each and every person, thanking and expressing gratitude for them taking the time out of their weekends to visit. It was way too extra in Akito’s opinion…

Akito had informed Ena he would probably be home either before her or be spending the night at Tsukasa’s in the mean time. The ginger said goodbye to the rest of his group and to Mizuki and Rui. A polite smile to Mafuyu was all he could give. She didn’t seem interested anyhow.

“Be sure to let me know what happens though…” An whispered to Akito, getting up on her tippy toes to reach his ears. “I hope it goes good.” She gave him a smile, thumbs up and a pat on the back before spinning him around and shoving him to Tsukasa. Even after all of the teasing she still wanted him to mend things with their senior… if they didn’t end up dating she would owe 20 dollars to her girlfriend.

After all the formalities, Akito and Tsukasa were off. The whole walk was mostly silent until they reached his street. Tsukasa’s usual insistent chatter was gone. It was awkward, which was weird because it was never awkward between the two. It was always rapid fire conversations that flowed together until they fell asleep or drifted into comfortable silence.

“I’m glad you came.” Tsukasa said, his voice strained with happiness and a big grin on his face, he had probably been holding it back the whole time. His hand brushed against Akito’s. “It was nice seeing everybody come watch us perform, it was nerve-wracking seeing you in the crowd. But a star must continue, no matter the challenge!” He shouted, tossing his arm up in the air and throwing his other around Akito’s neck.

His laugh echoed down the street of his neighborhood. Akito stifled an annoyed groan, his shoulders tensing up like clockwork. “Yeah…” Akito sighed, forcing his body to relax, instead of pulling away, he allowed himself to sink into the touch. For once, the sinking feeling in his gut wasn't present.

“I wasn’t even sure I was going until I talked to my sister.” Akito scoffed, watching Tsukasa’s arm in the sky fall back to its place next to his hips. “I didn’t know if I was going to talk to you today. Rui had to push me into it, I’ve been super immature about this whole situation, though.” Tsukasa admitted, his arm slipping off his shoulder.

His tone had gone from excited and proud to quiet and regretful. Akito didn’t have a response, in fact–it was silent until they reached Tsukasa’s house. Thankfully Saki was out with her friends, most likely shopping or practicing.

It was strange walking back into Tsukasa’s home, everything was the same though. It was most likely the dread of having to have a difficult conversation without knowing what to say. Tsukasa led him up to his room, which was more of a loft than anything. Akito never got used to the lack of a wall.

Every step up felt like an extra 10 pounds weighing on his chest. By the time Akito reached his room, he felt as if he could hurl.

Both of the boys had sat down on Tsukasa’s bed, Tsukasa holding his pillow up to his chest. Tsukasa’s heart was racing, even though this was meant to be a serious situation–he still couldn’t hold back the accustomed feeling of butterflies in his stomach.

“I-” Tsukasa was shocked that Akito would be the one to initiate the conversation, “I didn’t mean to run away.” He mumbled, the hands in his lap going to the sheets on his bed, clutching them tightly as he gathered his thoughts. “I was nervous and grossed out.”

Akito inhaled and exhaled slowly, the anxiety in his chest felt like it was going to crush him. “I didn’t expect you to just kiss me like that. It felt… unprecedented. I know I had been touching you and leaning on you a lot, but I don’t think it warranted you… just… I dunno.” Akito continued, he sighed and crossed his legs.

“No, I get it. I knew you probably wouldn’t have agreed on it either way. I practically took advantage of you and that’s my fault..” Tsukasa admitted, running his hands through his bangs idly. “I’ve known for a long time you’ve struggled with homophobia, internalised or not. I still acted on impulse with the loose sense of hope you’d reciprocate.”

It seemed as if Tsukasa knew exactly what to say, the actor had probably formulated the exact words he wanted to say and how he would say it. The words were genuine though, his constant shifting and the small wavering in his tone gave it away. He looked on the brink of tears.

“It was dumb of me, I’m really sorry-” Tsukasa mumbled, his voice choking up as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Akito wasn’t sure of how to react, he resorted to looking away and scratching at the back of his neck. “I don’t want to tell you that it’s okay, because it really wasn’t.” Akito sighed, his bitten nails continuing to itch at his skin.

“I don’t want you to entirely take all of the blame though. Since the first few weeks–or months, I can’t remember–I’ve liked you. I’ve tried to push down my feelings for you time and time again because it’s always felt… wrong.” His hands dropped to his lap, Akito’s thumb rubbing across the tips of his fingers.

“Over time it got harder and harder to prevent myself from liking you or to ‘indulge’ in affectionate gestures.” Akito confessed. His brain kept screaming at him to pump the brakes now, his mouth kept moving though. “I enjoyed the kiss for a moment, it felt nice knowing that in some way you reciprocated that, y’know?” Akito’s olive eyes looked for the same feeling in Tsukasa’s own, tears brimming and daring to spill.

The ginger fell silent, the hum of air conditioning filling the tense air. It felt as if one sigh could cause things to come crashing down. “But it felt wrong at the same time. I always found it disgusting how I would focus on the little things about you, how I’d practically admire it.” Akito tried to smile, Tsukasa’s ears brightened.

“So I shoved you away, it was an ‘unnatural’ act. I felt tainted in a way? It’s difficult to explain…” Akito leaned up against his bedframe, his fingers plucking at the stray ginger hairs on his shirt and pants. “I get it.” Tsukasa sniffled, it was embarrassing to cry in front of your crush…

“I’ve always liked you, pretty much since the day you flicked that disastrous spider away from me and I shared my food with you.” Tsukasa also confessed, an audible scoff in disbelief could be heard from Akito.

“I’m serious, Akito!” Tsukasa protested, whipping his head around and leaning towards the ginger. Akito just nodded and smiled teasingly. “Yeah.” He agreed. Tsukasa’s bright pink cheeks matched the tips of his hair. It was… cute.

Tsukasa huffed and leaned back, the stiff silence of earlier was lifted slightly. Akito took a deep breath, Tsukasa’s smell was everywhere. He had missed this. Silly teasing in his bed, playful banter and joking. Even though it was only a week and a half of stiff, awkward conversations or complete silence, it was a week too long.

“But… I’m sorry.” Akito apologized, the skin on the back of his neck was red and raw from the amount of scratching recently. He resorted to picking at the dirt under his nails instead.

“It probably felt like I was leading you on or giving you mixed signals, I just… didn’t want to be weird. I didn’t want to be dirty. I’ve always struggled with accepting my sexuality. Saying “gay” felt like an insult.” Akito explained.

“I always felt a deep, filthy feeling inside of my stomach every time I was around you. But-... it would get clouded over with your stupid big smiles and dumb laughs. Being around you felt like flying, but being weighed down with chains still. I want to experience that laughter again, but without the guilt.” Akito’s cheeks flared as he made eye contact with Tsukasa. To describe Tsukasa so sweetly in front of him, to his face, was terrifying.

“After I left, I ran to talk to someone. I cried really hard. For the first time in a while.” All he wanted to do was sink into the mattress, or into Tsukasa. Just any form of comfort was better than spilling his heart out alone.

Tsukasa stared at Akito for a long time, his stomach twisting into tight knots. If he dared to speak, he would break out into sobs. Something about Akito’s face maybe is what got him. Maybe it was his words, or his tone. Whatever it was, he couldn’t stand it.

Akito’s heart raced with the silence, he couldn’t muster enough courage to even look the actor in the eye. Never had he felt so pathetic and vulnerable in front of someone.

“I don’t want to run away from you anymore, Tsukasa. I want to love you without hating myself. I want to love you without guilt because you don’t deserve that.” The words tumbled out of his lips, he had barely processed them before they were out.

Next thing Akito knew, Tsukasa had broken out into hystericals. A sob burst out and his tears had finally overflowed. Tsukasa buried his face into the pillow in his lap and cried. “Huh-?” Akito’s face twisted into shock.

The ginger started to panic, why was he crying?! What should he even do?! He’s seen Tsukasa upset sure, but never so upset when he’s full on sobbing and gasping for air. “W-what’s wrong?” His attempts at comfort or answers were thrown out the window when Tsukasa cried even harder at the sound of his voice

Akito felt his own throat closing up, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “Shit…” He mumbled under his breath, wiping his eyes and scooting closer to Tsukasa. His arm going around the star’s hunched back, bringing him into his side. “It’s alright…” He sighed, he couldn’t bring himself to sound sweet.

Tsukasa dropped the pillow in his hand and resorted to using Akito as his tissue and pillow. The ginger’s jacket soaking in his tears and snot. Akito tried copying what MEIKO had done for him, rubbing small circles on his back and running his hands through Tsukasa’s hair.

The smell of Akito’s jacket, his gentle touches and the general weariness of performing and crying caused Tsukasa to finally calm down. But he didn’t detach from his side. “I-i’m sorry..” He sniffled, lifting his head from Akito’s chest and looking up at him.

Akito’s hand slid from the top of his head to his cheek. “Don’t worry about it.” He mumbled, the tips of his ears tinting a light pink. The poor boy’s panic had finally died down as Tsukasa stopped sobbing relentlessly. “I’m just glad you got it out.”

The blonde’s head dropped back down to Akito’s chest as Akito leaned back onto the headboard. It wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world, Tsukasa was awkwardly draped over his body and Akito’s left arm had fallen back to his side.

Akito’s hand slipped from Tsukasa’s spine and up to his head, his fingers twirling around the blonde strands lazily. Tsukasa copied Akito’s breathing. Long inhales and equally lengthened exhales. Neither of them knew what time it was exactly, not like it mattered.

After Tsukasa was able to fully calm down and soak into Akito’s presence did he finally respond to his admission of love. “I love you. I don’t mind waiting for you to love yourself.” He mumbled.

“I wish this conversation didn’t come from something negative. I feel terrible for kissing you without permission… and avoiding you for a week. I thought you wanted to tell me you’d never want to see me again.” Tsukasa laughed, scooting closer to the ginger, lifting his head from his chest.

“I thought you were avoiding me because you never wanted to talk to me.” Akito hummed, lifting his head off the bed frame and down onto a pillow. His heart felt lighter, his stomach didn’t ache with guilt and anxiety as badly…

Tsukasa sat up properly, looking down at Akito with a smile, his tear streaked cheeks contrasting his soft expression. Tsukasa’s palm cupped Akito’s cheek tenderly, the silence of the moment was filled with their own breathing and the sound of air conditioning.

Eye contact was incredibly hard for Akito to hold in this moment, Tsukasa’s thumb stroking his cheek and his gentle gaze roving over his face. It felt as if Tsukasa was trying to burn this moment into his retinas. With his shoulders tensed and his eyes darting everywhere but Tsukasa, the hand on his cheek finally slipped away.

The moment Tsukasa sank back to his spot on Akito’s side, both of their phones dinged with a message. They ignored the messages, Tsukasa deciding to wrap his arms around Akito’s waist and Akito complying. Tsukasa’s practical spooning was awkward at first, the ginger had no idea how to reciprocate the affection at all.

This was what he had wanted though, right? Akito flipped over onto his other side, facing Tsukasa. His face was beet red, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The ginger allowed himself to be brought closer, his forehead pressed against Tsukasa’s shoulder. Akito’s hands were on his own chest, he didn’t have the confidence to wrap his own arms around Tsukasa.

Over the next 35 minutes, both of them wiggled around and adjusted their positioning. They had slid under the blankets, Tsukasa overheated and shuffled out of it. They went from holding each other to Tsukasa spreading out, Akito laying on his arm. They both reached the conclusion they should nap, but neither wanted to be the one to sleep…

Their comfortable silence had turned to awkward teenaged boy uncertainty, both of them were stiff and uncomfortable in their positioning. Something was left unsaid, but what was it?! Tsukasa felt like he was about to explode, Akito wanted to melt into the floor for the 30th time that day. This was the first time they’ve been in the same bed.

Everytime Akito came over to his house, without fail, Akito would sleep on the floor. It was completely plausible for both of them to be on the bed, it was a Queen sized mattress and they weren’t that big.

Tsukasa was freaking out over a completely different reason however, it had finally dawned on him that they both confessed feelings for one another, and had done nothing about it. Yet they were still snuggling up against each other, they’ve never done this either.

“Uh… Akito?” Tsukasa mumbled, looking over to the boy who laid casually on his arm. He acted as if he belonged there… Tsukasa was nearly 100% sure he himself looked like a loser.

Akito hummed in acknowledgement, his eyes squeezed shut. Tsukasa swallowed down spit anxiously, his heart was in his throat again. “A-are…” He cleared his throat in a desperate attempt to sound casual, he failed. “Are we dating..?”

Akito kept his eyes closed but his expression had obviously tensed. His legs twitched and he inhaled sharply. “I-if you want to be. I don’t care though.” Akito mumbled, opening his eyes to look at Tsukasa, who had turned over to his side and wiggled his way towards Akito. Their noses were barely 5 centimeters away from each other.

Akito’s attempts of seeming uncaring and ‘nonchalant’ were crashing and burning, embarrassingly so. He wanted to yell out yes. Akito was just too prideful and petrified to even attempt to say yes. Even after all the bullshit he just confessed, he still couldn’t say yes.

He leaned back from Tsukasa, his face a bright pink. Tsukasa seemed a little disappointed over the response, his flush had come down and his expression drooped. “Can we?” Tsukasa asked, leaning forwards when Akito moved backwards.

Akito hesitated on a response, his eyes moving from Tsukasa’s pleading eyes, his pouting mouth, and the flushed skin on the apples of his cheeks. Tsukasa’s hair cascading over his face and pooling across the pillowcase. Akito was sure he was going to die of cardiac arrest because of his constant pounding heart around Tsukasa.

“Y-yeah.” He stuttered, it was so lame. Akito was going to be reflecting on this moment every night, writhing in his bed by how pathetic he is. His head moved up and down eagerly while his mouth couldn’t match the enthusiasm.

Tsukasa’s expression went blank, his mind struggling to process the fact he was finally dating Akito after 2 long years. “Actually?” He asked, his voice at least 30 decibels louder than Akito’s measly word of agreement. “Like we’re dating right now!?” Tsukasa’s was bordering on yelling from shock. A massive grin on his lips, his head lifted off the pillow.

Akito could only nod, hoping to hide behind his hair.

Tsukasa squealed like a kid in a candy store, the arm that Akito was on curled in around Akito, bringing him into a bear hug. Tsukasa’s face buried deep into his neck. Akito yelped in surprise. “What the fuck-?!” He yelled as Tsukasa pulled him onto his chest.

“GUAAAHHHHH!!” Tsukasa shouted out, since nobody was home he could be as loud as he wanted. “Oh my goodness, you’re my BOYFRIEND!!” To say Tsukasa was ecstatic was an understatement. He pulled away from Akito’s shoulder and looked up at him. Akito’s face was a deep red, his orange hair rivaled his cheeks in vibrancy.

To think, after 2 years of pining for a man he knew hated his guts, that he would be dating him was laughable. It had been 2 minutes of them officially dating, but it felt amazing. Tsukasa loosened his iron grip on Akito, who was struggling against his hold. Akito groaned and lifted his body off the blonde, rolling back down to the mattress.

Akito still snuggled up against Tsukasa. “Yes, I’m your boyfriend now…” Akito mumbled, his heart racing, his stomach plummeting into that same disgust. He sighed, his shoulders untensing.

“…Can we be slow with the titles though? I don’t want to tell everybody right now…” Akito spoke up, looking at his now boyfriend. “I’m fine with you continuing to touch my shoulders, back, and hair in public and when we’re around friends. But no hand holding or hugging until we tell them. Which won’t be for maybe a few weeks… I just want to get used to it.” Akito sighed, moving his head from the pillow down to Tsukasa’s chest.

“I already know how weird I’m gonna be about affection and even being labeled as your boyfriend, I want to figure myself out before we tell everybody.” Tsukasa listened in silence, his burst of energy dying down to more manageable levels. He understood where Akito was coming from, it shouldn’t be too difficult acting the exact same way in front of everybody, cooling it in physical touch shouldn’t pose a problem either. Tsukasa knew when to keep his hands to himself.

Tsukasa smiled and ruffled Akito’s hair. “Of course! I’ve already waited 2 years for this, I can wait a few extra weeks to tell everyone. More importantly, I want you to be happy in our relationship!” It wasn’t that big of an ask to Tsukasa, he was still able to have Akito anyway. All it was was waiting for him to be comfortable enough with himself to finally announce they were dating.

A smile was all he needed in response, both Akito and Tsukasa were finally able to relax after an hour or more of laying in uncomfortable silence and positions. With Akito’s head resting comfortably on him, Tsukasa’s fingers carding through his hair until both had fallen asleep. Tsukasa being the first, his comically loud snores filled the otherwise silent room.

It was a small moment that meant everything to him, every night he would stay over at the Tenma residence, Tsukasa would fall asleep first. His loud, chainsaw-like snores would fill the room, making it impossible to sleep with. Akito used to shake him awake, instructing him not to sleep until Akito had fallen asleep first. Tsukasa would always pass right back out afterwards though.

Akito had learned to tolerate the noise though, and at some point it had turned comforting. A constant reminder of Tsukasa, that he still has him after everything.

The ginger nuzzled closer to the star, taking the opportunity to be more affectionate now he was asleep. His head nestled under his jaw and above Tsukasa’s collarbones. Akito’s arms encircled him after pulling the comforter over their bodies.

It was most likely they would have to wake up for dinner, or in the middle of the night because one had to piss, but Akito was fine with that. He had Tsukasa in his arms now.

He finally was able to drift off to sleep, soaking in the heat of Tsukasa’s warm body.

…

Over two hours had passed since both of the boys had fallen asleep. Saki had returned from her shopping spree with Leo/Need. Ever since their band had been getting more recognition, more money had been pouring in.

“I’m home!” Saki called out to no one in particular, their father was out on a business trip and she didn’t see her mother in the kitchen or the living room. She also figured her older brother was still out with his friends.

She walked up the stairs to where both her brother’s room and her own was, she dropped off her armful of bags. It was already almost 6 PM, maybe Tsukasa was home? But if he were, wouldn’t he have come downstairs to greet her at the sound of the door opening?

Saki hummed to herself, it wouldn’t hurt to check his room… she crossed the hallway to where her brother’s door was. Opening it up and peering inside, she noticed her brother was asleep. Saki smiled softly, up until she noticed a head of orange peeking up from under the covers.

Who was in her brother’s bed?! Akito hadn’t been over in almost three weeks, and she had heard from Emu he hadn’t been visiting their rehearsals as often. Saki had figured they just had a falling out, maybe something went wrong. But here he was, laying on her brother’s chest!

Entertaining the idea of investigating who was snuggled up to Tsukasa, she stepped into his room quietly. Sneaking her way over to his bed, she peered over the covers, only to confirm it was Akito. What the hell was happening?!

She sighed to herself, going stiff as Tsukasa’s snores stopped momentarily. Saki rushed out of the room, deciding she would confront her brother when he would wake up...