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There's a pulsing behind his eyes. Its been there since Satoru finished his mission and he can feel it growing in intensity with every passing second. His glasses arent cutting it. His uniform clings to his skin in the worst way. The fabric rubbing against him with every move of his muscles.
The door to his bathroom closes behind him and he doesnt waste anytime. He unbottons the uniform, pulling off his top like its activly burning him, followed by his pants and the rest of his clothes. He throws them into a pile on the floor. He can't be bothered to deal with that right now.
His blackout glasses are the last thing to come off. He sets them on the counter by the sink and immediately wishes to put them back on. The burning behind his eyes intensify and spreads to his forehead. He lets out a groan as he carelessly stumbles toward the shower.
He stops right before it. His feet glued in place. Satoru is highly aware of the turning in his stomach. The air against his bare skin makes him shiver. But the idea of getting wet forces him to stay where he is, nausea rolling inside of him at the tought.
Its ok. Hes used to this. He would have moments like these all the time before he came to Jujutsu High.
He just has to breathe deeply and get it over with, he tells himself. Then he can get into some cozy loose pajamas and get something to eat.
His body still won't move. He still feels sticky with sweat but the cold air around him is quickly cooling him off. That only serves to make it more difficult to step into the shower.
So instead he sits down. His six eyes stare at the floor of the shower, unfocused. Seeing everything all at once yet not retaining any of it. He hears the thrum of his own cursed energy and the energy of Tengen's barriers. The cold air makes him shiver but where his skin meets the floor he thinks he'll get thrid degree burns.
And still he cannot move his body. The task of taking a shower getting further out of his reach as he becomes more and more aware of how dirty and smelly he is.
The light seers his eyes, so he shuts them. But that does little to stop the intake of information, nor does it quell his now fully realized migraine.
Everything is too loud. He's so cold but his skin feels like its burning. His head spins with the cursed energy he can see swirling around him. If he was standing up right now, he wouldn't be anymore.
But worst of all, the frustration of not being able to move his body claws at him from the inside. The dull ache of shame making each cut sting.
He should be able to take one stupid shower. He didn't have a problem last time. Last time he got in and got out so easily. What makes today any different? Why is he struggling at one of the most basic things in human hygiene? Why?
He hears a knock on his door. He startles, taking his hands out of his hair and sitting up straighter. When had he started pulling at it?
He hears the knock again so he calls for them to wait as he scrambles to put his boxers back on (ignoring how he feels disgusted at the contact of fabric to skin and that he put on his dirty pair.)
He rushes to the door, not bothering with a shirt because he can see that its just Suguru. He can hear him on the other side of the door. "Satoru? Are you okay?" The scent of his cursed energy fills his room and he opens the door a tad. Enough half of his body to be visable to the other.
"Hey, Suguru." He resists the urge to hide himself behind the door. He can't stop his brain from yelling at him.
You stink. Suguru can probably smell you. He hates being around you because you smell like sweat. Why can't you just take a shower already?
Satoru holds the door tighter. He tries his best to smile brightly. "What's up? Did you miss me so much that you just had to come and find me?"
The other teen looks tired, which is odd considering how energetic he seemed to be before Satoru got into the bathroom. His long black hair is loose over his shoulders, framing his face and adding a certain unkept quality that Satoru doesn't get to see often during the day.
There's a pause as Suguru gives him a strange look. Did you forget? It seems to ask. "No." He responds slowly and simply supplies him with, "You didn't eat dinner."
And there's so much more than that simple fact underneath it. But Satoru can't begin to unpack it all because yeah. He hasn't eaten since before his mission today.
He got back to campus right before dinner. At 6:27 exactly. He remembers his conversation with Suguru; that he would eat after a takes a quick shower. But that was only a couple minutes ago. So why would it be such a big deal if its barely 7?
Satoru tilts his head so show his confusion. "And?"
This earns an eye roll from his best friend and a stern look. "Its 12 am, Satoru. You've been in there for 5 hours. Have you even taken a shower yet?"
This surprises Satoru. He didn't realize he zoned out for so long. No wonder Suguru came looking for him.
He feels so gross.
"Oh." Satoru says very intelligently. "I was… uhm." He can't make up an excuse, and he can't bring himself to look at Suguru anymore, finding the grain of the wooden door far more interesting than the violet eyes in front of him.
Suguru narrows said eyes at him, yet theres no judgement in his gaze. Satoru thinks he sees concern. And by the down turn of his lips Satoru can already tell what he'll ask next.
"Do you need help?" And- oh. The obvious worry in his voice makes Satoru feel even worse than before. Even with knowing the question was coming, he feels pinned in place. He takes in a breath, cursing to himself as it comes in more shakily than he wanted. He keeps his eyes down, but that doesn't stop the six eyes from seeing Suguru.
"Satoru."
Suguru dips his head to look at him in the eyes. He keeps his voice low and gentle. Satoru wants to hide from him. To let the pit of shame growing in his stomach swallow him whole. He wants Suguru to leave but if he goes he'll just sit in that bathroom forever.
"Can you tell me what's wrong? Please?"
No. No no no, he can't. He won't. What will Suguru think when he learns that the strongest sorcerer can't bring himself to take a silly shower? What will he say once he finds out about how weak he really is?
He barely registers the feeling of his head shaking. Violet digs holes in his skull.
He feels disgusting.
A hand on his chin. Blue gently forced to meet purple. A kind smile.
"It's ok, Satoru. You can tell me. I won't judge you."
And everything behind those eyes makes Satoru want to trust his words. It makes Satoru believe his words.
"You didn't take a shower, did you?" And its more of a statement than a question. Satoru shakes his head.
Suguru's lips thin into a line and he watches as the gears turn and click together. "Were you overwhelmed?"
Suguru has always been able to read him like a book. They both know the answer to that question. Satoru doesn't do anything. Just stares into the deep purple of his eyes. But its still confirmation in its own way.
"Okay," Suguru lowers his hand from Satoru's chin. "Wait there. I can get some medicine from Shoko to help with the migraine."
He smiles and steps away from Satoru's door. The other watches his figure reced down the hall and around the corner. Only then does Satoru close his door and settle on the floor in front of his bed.
Satoru has never admitted anything like this to anyone. The clan elders never accepted anything from him that might be seen as a weakness, so he kept it his secret. But it feels so good to finally be seen and not judged for something seemingly so easy. Even if the gnawing shame isn't fully gone.
A part of Satoru doesn't think that shame will ever be gone.
Once again, Satoru becomes awrae that he was zoning out as the door to his room cracks open. Suguru sticks his head in before walking all the way in. The door softly clicks behind him. He has a small paper cup in his hand and a pill held between two of his fingers.
He makes himself eye level with Satoru and passes them over. Satoru immediately eats the pill and drinks the whole cup, hoping for any sort of relief.
Satisfied, Suguru stands and offers him a hand. Satoru takes it, intertwining their fingers and he's lifted from the floor and pulled intot he bathroom again.
Satoru can't imagine how pathetic he looks right now. The strongest needed someone's help in basic hygiene. He bites his lower lip and watches the floor beneath him.
The light in the bathroom is still bright. Compared to the soft illumination from the moon in the rest of his room, the fluorescent bulbs are like staring directly at the sun.
Satoru thinks he might of made a noise and he squeezes his eyes shut. Suguru's hand tightens its grip on his. The lights turn off.
"Better?" Suguru askes without any real need for a response. Satoru nods his head anyways, opening his eyes again.
Suguru runs his thumb over his knuckles. His pupils are blown out wide in the darkness of the room.
" … I'll be here if you need anything." The silence is almost awkward. Would be awkward if the anxious pit in Satoru's stomache was any quieter.
Satoru can't stop himself from hesitating. They've changed in front of each other many times before, yes. By no means are the two of them strangers to each other's bodies.
He doesn't know why its different now of all times. Maybe its everything that hes feeling that makes him want to bury himself in the ground for eternity.
Suguru picks up on this as their hands stay connected. He offers a gentle smile. Eyes closing slightly to reassure him. "I can look away if you want me too. I can't see much anyways, but I will if it'll help."
Satoru nods, even after being told that Suguru can't see the movement as well as he can, then adds on, mumbling, "Yeah. If you don't mind."
Suguru hums a confirmation and turns to give his privacy. Satoru feels a little dumb asking for it, but still appreciates the gesture.
He slips his boxers off again, joining them with the rest of his dirty clothes on the floor, and steps towards the shower for the sevond time today. This time he can actually reach his hand in to turn the water on, letting it warm up before stepping underneath it.
He sees Suguru sit down just outside of the shower, leaning against the wall and keeping his back facing Satoru despite the already installed layer of privacy between them.
The water beating down on Satoru's skin still makes his whole body crawl in discomfort. The steam rising out of the shower makes the air around him sticky and warm. He wants to get out but that would defeat the whole purpose of doing all of this. So he stands under the water until he feels less repulsive.
After a couple moments of the water running and heating up the bathroom, Suguru calls over the sharp drum of water falling. "Are you okay if I leave for a second?"
Satoru squeezes shampoo into his hand and runs it through his hair. "What for?" He almost doesn't want Suguru to leave. Almost.
Suguru hums noncommittally. "I just had an idea." He says. Then adds, "Plus you forgot to get a change of clothes." Satoru snorts a laugh at his carelessness but allows Suguru to leave. A small amount of light dances into the bathroom as Suguru slips out.
Once the door closes behind him, Satoru is struck by the quietness of his bathroom. Not that they were even talking in the first place, and the constant patter of the water from the showerhead makes silence impossible. Its less of the sound filling his ears, and more of the lack of the other teen's presence that strikes him.
The shower is more bearable with Suguru here.
Satoru takes his time. Makes sure all the oil and sweat is cleaned out of his snow white hair, scrubs every inch of his body, getting all the grime off of him. And the longer he stands under the hot water the less gross he feels, the less his actions feel like chores and more like something he wants to do.
Sometime along the way, Suguru slips back into the room with a pair of clothes and whatever else he was looking for. Satoru only vaguely acknowledges him as he fiddles around in the dark room. Its quite obvious to the Six Eyes user that the other cannot see very well.
Eventually, Satoru is satisfied with how clean he is. The feeling of sweat clinging to his body no more. Replaced with the relaxing sensation of water running down his skin. He lowers himself to the shower floor and allows the water to hit his back and cascade over him.
He isn't aware of how long he sits there for.
As the last of the water drips from the showerhead and Satoru steps out into the bathroom, he catches the sight of Suguru leaning his back against the wall. His breaths even in the way that tells him he's alseep.
The air is warmer than he expected. But he understands as he sees the space heater in opposite wall to Suguru keeping the room warm to minimize temperature shock.
Satoru is careful not to wake his best friend as he pats himself dry with his towel and shuffles over to the clean pair of clothes. A smile plays at his lips upon seeing one of Suguru's baggy sweatshirts and a pair of boxers. He slips into them easily, relishing in no longer feeling his skin burning.
His dirty clothes are gone and he can see his balckout glasses laying on his bedside table in the other room.
Satoru lets out a sigh as he stretches his limbs, letting any remaining tension melt away like it was never there to begin with. He shuffles over to turn the heater off, then goes to squat in front of Suguru.
His knees are drawn up to his chest, arms resting on top to act as a pillow for his head. His raven black locks fall over his face. Satoru gently tucks them behind his ears and laughs internally as a strand falls back down. Always that one piece of hair that never behaves.
Suguru looks so peaceful. The usual sharp features of his face softened by unconsciousness. Satoru could stay right here for the rest of his life and be happy only looking at him.
A deep part of Satoru is sorry for being the reason Suguru stayed up for so long, dealing with his nonsense. But he's grateful to have him here. So he doesn't have to suffer alone like he has done for years.
He's not sure if he can repay him in a way that would encompass all of his appreciation for the other, but he tries anyways. Leaning in he plants a kiss on Suguru's forehead.
Its brief, the touch barely a ghost of what Satoru wants, in caution of not waking the other too soon.
"Thank you," he whispers against his skin, as if saying the word as closely as he can will engrave his thanks into the boy's body and soul.
He pulls away slowly, drinking up the gentleness of Suguru's face, before bring his hand to his shoulder and shaking him lightly.
Suguru stirs, letting out a small grunt in protest of being awoken. His eye lids slide open to reveal half lidded violet irises. Satoru doubts he can see anything, but he still smiles at him nonetheless.
"Ya done, 'Toru?" Suguru slurs, voice already deep from sleep. Satoru's smile grows.
"Yeah," he whispers back. Taking Suguru's hand in his, he pulls the other off of the bathroom floor. He guides them out into his room, the air chilling against the warmth of the bathroom. The moonlight filters through the open blinds.
Satoru slips under his covers, coaxing Suguru down with him. He goes willingly and presses his body against Satoru, who loops his arms around the other. Suguru's hand finds its way to Satoru's hip and he lets out a contented sigh, quick to fall back into the lull of sleep.
It takes Satoru a little longer to follow suit. The aching of his migraine has dulled to a slight throbbing, now easily ignored. He breathes in the scent of Suguru's lavender shampoo with a hint of sandalwood. His fingers card through the soft black, and he relaxes against the other.
With a final yawn from the albino, he lets the sounds of Suguru's breathing lead him into the realm of sleep.