Chapter Text
8am
Aether added Alhaitham, Nahida, Cyno…5+ people to “SUMERU”
Aether: Hey guys !
Aether: Figured it might be useful to have a groupchat :)
Nahida: Oh! So this is the device you were talking about earlier? Very interesting. I’ll look into it!
Alhaitham: what is ts
Nahida: ‘ts’..?
Kaveh: Alhaitham that is so rude!!
Kaveh: The traveler so THOUGHTFULLY added us all to a lovely, wonderful group chat and the first thing you say is an insult?!
Aether: I don’t mind! It’s fine
Alhaitham has left “SUMERU”
Alhaitham has been added to “SUMERU”
Alhaitham: let me leave.
Aether: It’s supposed to be for Sumeru! We can’t just let you leave :(
Kaveh: Look, now you’ve made him sad!
Cyno: Yeah, don’t make him sad. Sad backwards is das and das not good
Tighnari: kys
Alhaitham: kys.
Kaveh: ….
Nahida: Haha! Good one, Cyno!
Cyno: At least someone appreciates my jokes.
Nahida: Tell me another one, please!
Kaveh: Please no
Alhaitham: no
Tighnari: Cyno no
Cyno: Cyno? How about Cy-yes? Get it?
Cyno: Because my name has ‘no’ at the end of it, but if I change it then it would technically be cy-yes instead of no.
Nahida: Oh! Very clever!
Kaveh: Not really
Cyno: If the Goddess of Wisdom says it’s clever then it must be clever.
Tighnari: You’re poisoning her mind.
Alhaitham: ^
Nilou: I think Cyno’s jokes are quite nice ! (✿◠‿◠)
Kaveh: It’s okay Nilou, you don’t have to lie to make Cyno feel better about himself.
Alhaitham: ^
Kaveh: Stop that
4pm
Dehya: Oh hey! Just noticed this, was busy.
Cyno: Scroll up
Kaveh: Don’t scroll up
Dehya: Man, can’t believe our own archon thinks Cyno’s jokes are funny…
Cyno: Hey, entertainment is subjective
Alhaitham: your jokes are objectively shit
Kaveh: The most I’ve seen Alhaitham type ever btw
Alhaitham: noted. wont happen again
Kaveh: Wtf I meant that as a positive change
Cyno: Great going, Kaveh :/
Kaveh: Don’t even freaking start with me Cyno
12am: Next Day
Kaveh: Guys, one or two quick quick
Tighnari: Why are you even up?
Tighnari: 2
Kaveh: Thx
8am
Kaveh: Hypocrite
Kaveh: Tighnari is a hypocrite guys
Cyno: But it’s okay because it’s Tighnari
Kaveh: I guess so
Kaveh: I chose 1 just to spite Tighnari
Tighnari: Wtf
Tighnari: What was it for anyway
Kaveh: Couldn’t decide between floors…
Tighnari: I can’t believe you
Alhaitham has left “SUMERU”
Kaveh: There’s no way
Kaveh: Do we have to pester Aether?
Alhaitham has been added to “SUMERU”
Alhaitham: leave me alone
Aether: Dw guys I got it :)
Cyno: I need to make a pun of this.
Tighnari: You really don’t
Cyno: Can’t believe Al haith us.
Cyno: Get it? Because Alhaitham’s name sounds like ‘Al’ (as in ALhaitham) and haith sounds like hate.
Cyno: So I’m really just saying that Alhaitham hates us, and I can’t believe it
Alhaitham: blocked
Tighnari: Ykw me too
Cyno: At least I have the archon on my side.
Cyno: And Nilou
Kaveh: Nilou’s just too polite to say your jokes are shit
Alhaitham: ^
Kaveh: Omfg
Nilou: (|||❛︵❛.)
Dehya: Don’t pull Nilou into your bs
Dehya: She’s too nice for this
Tighnari: I second this.
Cyno: Yeah okay my bad Nilou
Nilou: (＾▽＾)
7pm
Cyno: Guys we missed the 6:07pm.
Cyno: Now we must wait for the 7:06pm to make up for it
Kaveh: 67
Tighnari: …
Tighnari: Real mature.
Alhaitham: ^
Nahida: 67?
Tighnari: As I said before, you are tainting our poor archon’s mind.
Alhaitham: ^
Kaveh: It’s all Cyno.
Cyno: What
Cyno: You joined in.
Kaveh deleted a message “67”
Kaveh: Wdym
Cyno: …
Cyno deleted messages “Guys we missed the 6:07pm.” and “Now we must wait for the 7:06pm to make up for it”
Cyno: Wdym
Tighnari: You two are equally unbelievable.
Alhaitham: ^
Kaveh: I think Alhaitham is unbelievable because what is he doing
Alhaitham: simply correcting my mistake.
Kaveh: THAT WAS LIKE TWO DAYS AGO OMG
Alhaitham: Correction, one day ago
Kaveh: You’re actually fucking ragebaiting me
Alhaitham: I will not deny nor agree with such allegations.
Tighnari: He’s totally ragebaiting you.
Tighnari: And you’re falling for it.
Cyno: Alhaitham’s just too good at ragebaiting, I must admit.
Cyno: He’s even gotten me a few times.
Tighnari: As has he gotten me once or twice
Dehya: Never as much as he gets Kaveh, I assume?
Tighnari: Never.
Cyno: Never
Alhaitham: never
Kaveh: I hate you all except Lesser Lord Kusanali and Nilou
Nahida: No need to be so formal, Kaveh ^^
Kaveh: I FEEL BAD IF I’M NOT
Kaveh: LIKE I’M DISRESPECTING YOU
Nahida: You don’t need to worry Kaveh, I don’t mind at all!
Kaveh: It’s habit now
2pm: Next Day
Nahida: May I add someone?
Nahida: I don’t know how
Aether: No worries! Just tell me who and I’ll add them :)
Nahida: Hat Guy!
Nahida: I’ve been worrying that he hasn’t been making friends.
Nahida: This is a wonderful opportunity!
Aether: Hat Guy? Wanderer?
Nahida: Yep !
Wanderer has been added to “SUMERU”.
Wanderer has been renamed “Hat Guy”
Hat Guy: …
Hat Guy: what is this.
Nahida: This is a group chat for some residents of Sumeru :)
Nahida: I thought it’d be a good opportunity for you to make some friends!
Hat Guy: I don’t need friends.
Hat Guy: I’m fine by myself.
Nahida: Even then, it’d be nice to have someone you can rely on if I’m not around.
Nahida: Whether regarding your studies or simply for entertainment!
Hat Guy: I don’t need to indulge in such trivialities such as ‘entertainment’…
Tighnari: Edgy, much?
Hat Guy: …
Hat Guy: You…
Hat Guy: You have the audacity to call me ‘edgy’?
Tighnari: You seem to act like you’re so much better than everyone here.
Nahida: Calm down, please!
Nahida: This is supposed to be a safe place.
Nahida: Hat Guy, please be nice!
Hat Guy: Don’t tell me what to do, Lesser Lord Kusanali.
Cyno: What is with the hostility?
Cyno: None of us appreciate your attitude.
Tighnari: For once, I have to agree with Cyno.
Hat Guy has left “SUMERU”
Wanderer has been added to “SUMERU”
Wanderer: …
Nahida: Well, let’s introduce ourselves!
Nahida: I’m Nahida, the Archon of Sumeru.
Nahida: Now, Hat Guy?
Wanderer: call me whatever you want.
Wanderer: i dont care.
Kaveh: Uhmm
Kaveh: I’m Kaveh!
Kaveh: idk what else to say
Nilou: I’m Nilou ! Nice to meet you, Hat Guy ｡^‿^｡
Alhaitham: just read our names.
Kaveh: stop being such a dick damn you
Tighnari: Also hate to agree with Alhaitham, but I’m agreeing with Alhaitham.
Wanderer: whatever
Wanderer: don’t care didn’t ask
Nahida: Come on, be nice!
Nahida: It’ll benefit you in the long run.
Wanderer: bye
Kaveh: ???
Wanderer has left “SUMERU”
Wanderer has been added to “SUMERU”
Wanderer: youve got to be kidding me
Aether: no leaving!
Aether: should really implement a locking feature…
Nahida: Good idea!
Kaveh: I can help work on it!
10pm
Tighnari: how’s the lock going
Kaveh: Oh done and dusted
Kaveh: Try leaving now!!
Alhaitham: wow.
Wanderer has been renamed “Hat Guy”
Hat Guy: what originality.
Tighnari: Being sarcastic now, huh?
Hat Guy: i didnt even want to be here.
Nahida: Well at least you’re communicating :)
Nahida: That’s something!
Dehya: He’s not gonna talk anymore now, is he?
Cyno: …
Cyno: prolly not
Cyno: doc… is she gonna make it?
Kaveh: omg shut up with that reference
Tighnari has been renamed “Doc”
Doc has been renamed “Tighnari”
Cyno: no pls wont you be the prolly not to my doc is she gonna make it
Tighnari: no
Kaveh: that’s COLD
Kaveh: cyno are you just gonna take that
Cyno: no…
Cyno: no I will not…
Cyno: confronting him asap
Tighnari: don’t even come near me
Cyno: i’m coming near you rapidly
Tighnari: someone kill me
Hat Guy: ok
Cyno: DONT YOU DARE TOUGH NARI
Hat Guy: you spelt touch wrong loser
Cyno: *TOUCH
Cyno: fuck you beat me to it
Cyno has edited a message “DONT YOU DARE TOUGH NARI” to “DONT YOU DARE TOUCH NARI”
Cyno deleted messages “*TOUCH” and “fuck you beat me to it”
Cyno: hah now you look insane
Hat guy deleted a message “you spelt touch wrong loser”
Hat Guy: literally what r u talking about
Cyno: fuck
9pm: Next Day
Kaveh: 4ggravate hangout tomorrow at 3pm you’re all invited come along please please please
Nilou: then its not really 4ggravate is it ?
Tighnari: don’t mind Kaveh he’s trying to win something with Alhaitham.
Kaveh: YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE
Cyno: it’s between them about how many people Kaveh can get to turn up versus how many people Alhaitham can turn away
Alhaitham: so dont come
Kaveh: this is rigged
Kaveh: ur not supposed to tell everyone
Alhaitham: never specified in the rules.
Kaveh: THERE LITERALLY ARE NO RULES???
Kaveh: oh shit wait i should be using that to my advantage
Kaveh: bye
Alhaitham: now to stop kaveh
Alhaitham: cya hopefully not tomorrow
Tighnari: idiots
Dehya: who wants to bet that those two are secretly kissing behind closed doors?
Cyno: me
Tighnari: me
Hat Guy: me.
Sethos: me!
Tighnari: what the hell where did you come from
Dori: me!!!
Sethos: I do live in Sumeru
Dori: how much are we betting?!!
Cyno: 2 completely different topics
2am: Next Day
Kaveh: What the fuck?!!
Kaveh: whys everyone betting on me and Alhaitham (EW) secretly dating?!!
Kaveh: I would never date that guy!
Kaveh: he’s so not my type
Kaveh: even though he kind of is
Kaveh: wait no
Kaveh: wait
Kaveh deleted a message “even though he kind of is”
Kaveh: no one saw that
Kaveh: anyway the point is that i would never date Alhaitham!
Kaveh: i cant even stand to be around him!
Kaveh: with his smartass replies, he really pisses me off!
Kaveh: how could i ever date that asshole?!!
Hat Guy: getting real defensive.
Hat Guy: and i saw that message.
Kaveh: …
Kaveh: no you didnt
3am
Tighnari: kaveh do you ever sleep
Kaveh: i sleep plenty i swear
Tighnari: …
Tighnari: sure.
Tighnari: and cynos pregnant
8am
Cyno: im pregnant???
Cyno: naris the dad then.
Tighnari: i never signed up for this
Cyno: Kaveh’s the dad???
12pm
Cyno: guys i think kavehs asleep
Alhaitham: confirmed
Cyno: wait what
7pm
Cyno: is no one gonna mention the fact that alhaitham just implied he knows kaveh is asleep
Tighnari: uhm now that i think about it???
Cyno: HOW DOES HE KNOW
Dehya: maybe we were all correct
Dehya: maybe they really are kissing behind closed doors
Dori: ohoho!
Dori: who’s gonna give me my mora?
Tighnari: we never even specified an amount
Dori: so what?
Dori: anyone who didn’t respond to
Dori replied to a message —>
“Dehya: who wants to bet that those two are secretly kissing behind closed doors?”
Dori: this!
Dori: has to give me 500 mora~~
Alhaitham: no
Cyno: wow it’s the man himself
Cyno: can you confirm how you know Kaveh was asleep?
Alhaitham: no
Alhaitham: bye
Cyno: wait no come back
Tighnari: fuck you blew our only chance
Alhaitham: Kaveh is still asleep.
Tighnari: ???
Nilou: oh! are they having a sleepover or something ?
Nilou: how sweet ! (✿◠‿◠)
Dehya: oh you sweet summer child
Nilou: ?
Tighnari replied to a message —>
“Dori: has to give me 500 mora~~”
Tighnari: and it hasnt been confirmed yet…
Dehya: don’t you have enough mora, dori?
Dori: never enough!
11pm
Cyno: You’ve all heard of newtons law
Cyno: but have you ever heard of coles law?
Cyno: what is coles law, you might ask?
Cyno: shredded up lettuce mixed with carrots and dressing.
Cyno: hah
Cyno: get it?
Cyno: see, newtons law is a fundamental in physics but coles law isn’t actually a thing. When you say it out loud, it sounds like coleslaw which is actually a side dish and not a real law.
Cyno: a play on words. Newtons law and coles law, coleslaw
11pm
Cyno: What are the strongest days of the week?
Cyno: Saturday and Sunday.
Cyno: see, because all the other days are classified as ‘weekdays’ which sounds like ‘weak days’. Meaning Saturday and Sunday are the strongest days of the week because they aren’t classified as weekdays.
Tighnari: shut the fuck up
Cyno: (◞д◟)
12am: Next Day
Cyno: When did Inazumans start eating eggs?
Tighnari: piss off
Cyno: ok
10am
Nahida: When did they start eating eggs?
Cyno: finally
Cyno: A long tamago.
Cyno: you know. Because tamago sounds like ‘time ago’ so i’m saying a long time ago in all actuality
Cyno: and tamago is the inazuman word for egg which helps tie it all together
Nahida: Haha! I would've never thought of that…
Nahida: I really quite like that one. :)
Cyno: at least someone appreciates my jokes
Tighnari: you’ve said that already
Cyno: what, have i really
Alhaitham: get more original thoughts
Cyno: wtf
2pm
Kaveh: tagg wadv the bestd sleep ie had in s whiem
Alhaitham: ‘that was the best sleep ive had in a while’.
Tighnari: wow
Dehya: they’re like meant to be
Dehya: what do you mean alhaitham knew what kaveh had typed
Dehya: i could barely recognise the first word
Tighnari: true love i see.
Kaveh: i dotn wsbt to era sf summarizr tve laso concersating sfir me sineobe
Tighnari: what the actual fuck
Alhaitham: ‘i dont want to read, summarise the last conversations for me someone’.
Cyno: what the hell
Dehya: is this magic?
Kaveh: brhns isnt summarhvdi f
Alhaitham: ‘this isnt summarising’
Tighnari: well he managed to spell one word right
Tighnari: anyway,
Tighnari: I read back and nothing really interesting happened except for Cyno’s shitty jokes.
Kaveh: oh
Cyno: my jokes are not shitty it’s just that no one here has good taste
Kaveh: objectidn
Alhaitham: ‘objection’. I agree.
Tighnari: me too
Cyno: ganging up on me i see
Kaveh: is it gavfi up if its the truth
Tighnari: why did he become sentient in the last half
Alhaitham: ‘is it ganging up if its the truth’
Cyno: this is kind of scary go back to sleep
Alhaitham: I will make sure of that
Tighnari: ???
Cyno: ???
Dehya: oh they’re definitely making out behind our backs
Nilou: ???