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When Peter Spankoffski finally stepped out of Hell, he expected his older brother to be waiting on the other side.
He expected some witty comment about how he survived a no nut summer, or something stupid like that, because that’s what Ted Spankoffski was known for. Hey, he’d definitely be shocked that Pete was able to get with the mayor’s daughter. Maybe even impressed. ….Definitely impressed.
There were so many things Pete could imagine him saying, whether of his usual nature or about the suspicious leg injury Pete sustained.
One thing Peter Spankoffski didn’t expect, however, was that nobody showed up at the end of summer. There was no baby blue Studebaker that he knew so well.
He watched Stephanie apologize and reluctantly get into whatever fancy car her dad owned and drive away, leaving him alone. At least she tried to wait with him.
It got to a point where Peter just wanted to walk home, even though he wouldn’t make it very far alone on his leg. Ted was an asshole, that’s for sure, but he wasn’t enough of an asshole to completely ghost Pete and leave him here.
Ted was scared of the camp when he dropped Pete off, but surely he wasn’t scared enough to not even pick him up?
Eventually, a car pulled up. Peter heard it before he saw it, but his hopes were dashed when he saw it wasn’t Ted’s. Even worse, it was a police car.
Shit.
Had the police found out about what had gone down at Camp Idontwannabang? His fear worsened when the car stopped, and the officer walked towards him. He had approximately seventeen seconds to make up an alternative story that did NOT involve an axe wielding maniac being defeated by his older brother’s magazines and Grace Chasity’s prudiness.
Turns out, those seventeen seconds were just spent freaking out. When the officer finally reached him, Pete was silent. Couldn’t Ted have picked him up before this happened?!
“Hello, Peter. That’s you, correct? Peter Spankoffski, younger brother of Ted Spankoffski?”
….Wait. That clarification wouldn’t make sense if this was about Camp Idontwannabang. What had Ted done now? Was Ted in prison?! Pete didn’t think he’d do anything to warrant that… He sucked, but prison? Pete, not wanting to think about it too hard, just nodded.
“Well, Mr. Spankoffski, we have some unfortunate news for you. Your older brother has been missing for weeks, since the Honey Festival. Nobody has seen him.”
…oh. That’s why he didn’t show up. ….As Pete zoned out, the rest of the officer’s words a muddy blur, his mind went to how he thought summer couldn’t have gotten any worse. Yet, a few moments later, here he was, being driven home in a police car because his brother was probably dead in a ditch somewhere.
It’s not like anybody would care. Sure, they’d notice the lack of Ted’s pestering presence, but they wouldn’t care. All people would say and all people would hear is “People go missing in Hatchetfield every day.”
So Pete sat alone in the backseat, no one to grieve with but himself. Another universe with another Peter Spankoffski left without his older brother. Another Ted Spankoffski for the box.