Chapter Text
1968, October 15th
Tulsa, Oklahoma
It's now a little over a year since the accident. Johnny's been in physical therapy to help him walk. Dally's been staying at the Curtis's more since the church fire. Soda's still getting over Sandy. Two-Bit has cut just a little bit back on drinking. Steve's been nicer to Ponyboy, though he'd never admit it. Darry hasn't been getting on Ponyboy's case as much as he used to. And Ponyboy. Ponyboy is stuck in the library, studying for his English test.
Now, normally this wouldn't be as annoying as it is now. He loves English, one of his best subjects. But today, studying was just super hard to focus on. Maybe it's because the words keep moving. Or maybe because he hasn't had food all day. But today, right now, this sucked.
"I'm telling you," A voice startled Ponyboy "if I were alive during the Roman Empire, I would be unstoppable."
"You would not," Ponyboy looks around the library, his eyes land on a group of teens seated around a table a few feet away from him. "If anything, you'd be shun by the public"
"How dare you," A boy, with light brown hair and blue eyes, gasped. "You know what, you are no longer invited to my villae."
"Oh no, how will I ever live?" A girl, with long wavy brown hair and green eyes, replied sarcastically. "Please don't say that, it breaks my heart to be banned from your imaginary house in Ancient Rome" She rolled her eyes.
"You're so mean to me." The boy weeped.
"Now, now" Another girl, with long straight black hair and brown eyes, said, "Ernie doesn't hate you."
Socs, definitely, Ponyboy thought. He looked outside a window, it was getting dark. One look at the clock mounted on the wall told him it was 6:37 pm. Much later than he had originally planned to stay. He looked down to his notebook and then all the books and pages surrounding him. He sighed as he started to pack up, he'd barely gotten anything done. No doubt almost falling alseep within the first half hour of being here.
He'd likely try to go over more material at home, though with how today was going, it's not likely he'll get much down.
He stacked his books and collected all his pens and markers. He looked up again to see that the time is now 6:48 pm. Golly, he must have zoned out. Man, he really is tired. As quickly as he could, without bending anything, Ponyboy packed his school bag and got up to leave. But before he could make it far he heard his name. He turned around to see that one of the boys from the group of Socs had called him.
"That's your name, right?" The girl, who he assumes is named Ernie, asked. Ponyboy nodded.
"Says so on my birth certificate." He'd had this conversation many times, and god did he hope this one would end soon. He needed to go if he wanted to try to get home before it's too dark.
"I'm Phineas, but you can call me Finn" The boy with blue eyes said.
"I'm Ernestine," Said Ernie, or well, Ernestine. "This is Yukie," she pointed towards the girl with black hair, "Orson or Ozzy" she pointed to a boy with brown hair and brown eyes, "And Leonel or Leo" she tapped the boy sitting next to her, he had brown curly hair and tan skin.
"You can call me Ernie, if you'd like." She smiled at Ponyboy.
Ponyboy nodded, confused as to why they were talking to him. Although, he wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to question him about what happened with Bob Sheldon, he still gets asked about that.
"You're in my math class," Ernie explains "I notice that you always have such organized notes, and I was wondering if you'd help me study sometime?" She asked, "You don't have to, of course." She followed up quickly.
Ponyboy stood there for a minute processing what she said. She noticed his notes? And wants him to help her study? Surely there's someone who'd be better suited for this, right? Is this a joke?
"I think we could work something out," Ponyboy heard himself say, damn you mouth. Why did he say that, he doesn't know these people. They're going to start laughing now, aren't they?
But no laughter came, instead her smiled grew wider.
"Really?" She clapped her hands together, "Well that's great! We don't have to figure out everything right now, we can do that tomorrow. How about I find you during lunch? Would that be okay?"
"Oh, yeah," Ponyboy nodded "That should be fine." He looked at the clock, 7:03 pm. Now he's really itching to get home.
"Do you need a ride home?" Ozzy? Asked. "It's getting dark, don't want you walking home alone." The group of teens started to to gather their things.
"Oh, no, it's fine." Ponyboy could just hear the lecture from Darry if the gang saw him get dropped of by a bunch of Socs.
"You sure? It's starting to get late." Ozzy almost sounded concerned.
Although, Ponyboy could also hear the lecture about walking home in the dark. There's also the fact that he's likely to get jumped.
Before he could stop himself, he started to talk.
"Actually, a ride home would be nice." Well, he's dug his own grave. Ozzy smiled at him.
He followed the group out to the parking lot, and to a 1966 Chevrolet Impala. That's one tuff car, Ponyboy thought.
And so, like a fool, he got in with the rest of the group, and told Ozzy his address.
"Your brother is Sodapop, right?" Finn asked. Ponyboy nodded, "And your oldest brother is Darrel?" He nodded again. Finn nodded to. "I heard Darrel was real good at football, was the best on the team." Ponyboy didn't reply, he didn't feel the need to. Besides, what would he say?
'Yeah, he should've gone on to college and continue to play, but then our parents died and he got stuck caring for his two kid brothers' ? No way.
The teens continue to talk, but most of it sounded like background noise to Ponyboy. It wasn't until his head jerked up did he realize he was drifting to sleep. He looked out the car window to see that they were almost to his street.
"You can drop me off here," He told Ozzy. "I'll only have to walk a little under a block to get home."
Ozzy pulled over to the sidewalk.
"Thanks for the ride." Ponyboy stepped out of the car and waved.
"Bye Ponyboy" Ernie said, Yukie and Finn said bye as well, and they all waved before the car left.
Turning to face in front of him, Ponyboy started to walk home. Dread set in his stomach. He'd be chewed out for sure. He doesn't even have a good excuse. And he sure as hell can't tell the gang that he fell alseep studying, was stoped by a group of Socs asking him to help them study, and then accepted a ride home from them. Nope, he might as well say that he snuck off to a party and was doing drugs.
His porch soon came into view, and his stomach started doing flips. As he came to the door, he took a deep breath in, and said fuck it. Before turning the handle and stepping inside.
"Where have you been?" Darry exhaled. In the livingroom was the whole gang, how lucky.
"Sorry Dar, I lost time while studying." Ponyboy knew this was a lame excuse, he hasn't "lost time" since the night of the park.
"Well that doesn't explain why you walked home alone," Darry started to get angry. "Not this late. Why didn't you call? There's a payphone near the library, right?" Oh, that is right. Ponyboy completely forgot. Well, it's not like it would have helped him much anyway. He doesn't have any quarters on him.
"I don't have change on me." Ponyboy stated. He started to walk over to him and Sodas room. He desperately wanted a shower.
"Ponyboy, don't you walk away." Darry was real mad now. Ponyboy understands why, but he really doesn't have the energy for this.
"Darry," Ponyboy sighs while turning around. "Can I please just go put my stuff down, take a shower, get into comfortable clothes and eat something before you start hollering at me?" This seemed to have taken Darry by surpise. For a moment they both stared at eachother.
"Okay" Darry says. And Ponyboy didn't wait. He turned around, and walked to his room.
After a quick shower, and a pb&j sandwich, Ponyboy re-entered the livingroom. Again, met with the whole gang. The house was surprisingly quiet, which Ponyboy would've taken as odd, if he hadn't been actively trying to keep his eyes open. He sat down next to Johnny on the couch, letting out a little huff as he was met with the furniture.
"Alright," Ponyboy yawned "You can start now."
But nothing came. No noise from anybody. Ponyboy waited for a few minutes, yawning every now and then. To be honest, he didn't even notice no one was talking until Johnny shifted next to him. That's when Ponyboy saw that everyone was just staring at him.
"You guys got a staring problem?" He chuckled tiredly, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"How about you go to bed Honey?" Soda was the first to speak. Ponyboy shook his head.
"I still need to do some more school work." Ponyboy yawned again.
"I think you should leave that for tomorrow," Darry said, looking concerned. "Okay Baby?"
Well Ponyboy noticed that, Darry doesn't call him Baby or Honey unless he's sick. Soda calls him those all the time, sure, but Darry never. Ponyboy frowns slightly.
"I'm fine," He insisted "Besides it's not that much work anyway. I'm real sorry I was late today, I didn't mean to worry you this much." Why was everyone acting strange?
"Pony," He heard Johnny next to him "I think you should go to sleep, it looks like you're awfully tired." Ponyboy shook his head again, stubbornly. But before he could say anything else, he feels Soda grab his arms and start to lead Pony to their shared bedroom. Not having the energy to fight it, or say anything, Ponyboy complys. Besides, he can just get out of bed when Soda leaves, and do his work.
He feels himself being pushed onto their bed. Giving in, he basically collapses. Losing the fight to keep his eyes open, he lays there. He feels the blanket being put on him, and a hand to his forehead. He barely hears the soft good night from Soda, before the light is flicked off and the door softly shut. Just a few minutes of rest won't hurt, Ponyboy thinks as he drifts of to sleep.
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Soda walks back to the livingroom where everyone else is.
"Did you see the eyebags the kid has?" Steve almost whispers.
"Since when did he look so tired?" Two-Bit wonders.
"How did I miss it?" Darry asks, but no one answers. Because they all missed it. None of them realized how tired Ponyboy has been. It's clear that he's been tired for more than just today. He looked sick. Pale, eyebags, and he looks like he'd lost a bit of weight. And they didn't see that before. It wasn't until Ponyboy had stopped Darry from going onto a full lecture when they truly saw what he looked like.
"I thought he was doing better." Soda sounds like he's just about to start crying. "I didn't notice any nightmares lately." Johnny nods.
"I haven't heard him scream in awhile." Johnny brings his knees up to his chest. Ever since he got out of the hospital he's been staying with the Curtis's.
A moment of silence takes over the room. What would they say. No one knows how to break the silence. Ponyboy clearly has been struggling but they failed to do anything, failed to notice.
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Ponyboy wakes up curled up on his side, gasping for air. The truth is, Ponyboy's nightmares haven't gotten better, they have gotten worse, leaving him unable to talk afterwards. Unable to move, and barely able to breathe. He hasn't been waking Soda up with his constant moving around, or screaming, anymore so he hasn't told anyone. He knows Soda needs the sleep, he knows Darry and Johnny could hear him when he wakes up screaming. So, He thought it was better this way. Better that he deals with it alone. He's 15 now, he should be able to deal with it alone. At least, that's what he tells himself.
When Ponyboy finally catches his breath, he quietly slips out of bed and walks to the bathroom. When he turns on the bathroom lights, he just stands and stares at himself in the mirror. He's lost weight. Hasn't been able to find the time to eat while studying, or is too nauseous in the morning from his nightmares to attempt to eat breakfast. He gets meals in here and there, he's not starving himself. He's pale, he notices. And he's shaky, he's known that, writing has gotten frustratingly harder the past few weeks. He looks tired, exhausted actually.
Staring at the mirror begins to feel disgustingly too intimate with the boy staring back at him. He turns on the faucet, wets his hands, and splashes water on his face. He then turns the sink off, and drys himself. Walking out of the bathroom, he turns off the light, and makes his way down the hallway to the kitchen. He looks at the clock, it's 1:56 am. He could do work, he contemplates, but he decides against it. He could end up waking Soda, and he's been trying to avoid that.
As if by second nature now, Ponyboy quietly grabs a glass to get some water. He sits at the kitchen table and takes slow sips. He's sat there for almost 30 minutes before he places the cup in the sink and leaves the kitchen. But he doesn't go back to his room, no not yet. It's become a ritual to him, now, that after a nightmare, he sneaks onto the roof. The first night he had done this, he almost fell off. But that was a little over a month ago, and he has gained a technique to get on and off safely and quietly. He doesn't remember what had made him go to the roof in the first place. But he's been going ever since. He could try to guess, but if he does it'll lose the poetic feeling to it.
Sleeping after a nightmare always feels like walking into a bears den. So, he puts it off as long as he can. He feels better this morning, better than he has in awhile. He guesses that he's gotten around 6 hours of sleep. Not bad for him nowadays. Actually pretty good.
A cool breeze goes against Ponyboy, messing with his hair. He's sitting, looking at the street. It's quiet, something that's rare during the day. No ones around, any Greaser is either at home or at Bucks. Socs don't normally come around at this time, not since last year. So it's just Ponyboy, and the stars.
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It's been hours now, since he first came up. Ponyboy is still sitting, now watching the sunrise. He should get down, and go inside. Start getting ready for the day. Better yet, make everyone breakfast. But, he'll wait a little longer. He'll wait until the sun is a full circle. Until he knows that Darry'll have to get up soon to shower. Until he's no longer afraid to be alone in the house. And when he's ready, he'll stand up. Climb down the house, and sneak in through the front door. To start another day. A day that will inevitably end. A day that will lead him back to the roof.