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The music was loud. The floor vibrated under the thumping beat, the dancing feet. It was too hot, too much sweat and too much alcohol. Not that Harry would normally mind that much. He likes partying, he likes new people, he likes booze and usually he couldn’t care too much if he were to end up snogging someone against a wall.
But today was different. Today he couldn’t feel the rhythm, couldn’t endure the sweat running down his neck and even the booze tasted dull. And on top of that he didn’t want to have to engage the small talk or even dance with the strangers surrounding him. The only face he knew at the party was Niall – who had magically disappeared an hour ago. So that’s fun. Especially since he was the one who practically dragged Harry here in the first place. Not that Harry was really angry with him, he had known that Niall wanted to go because of some girl whose name must have slipped Harry’s mind. He was rather angry with himself. That this was one of those days. Niall would say he had his “time of that month” and they’d laugh about it because Harry couldn’t be offended by anything Niall did even if it sometimes would look offensive in other people’s eyes.
Harry scanned the room. Tonight he would have loved to be that tall, broad shouldered boy with the buzz cut. The one who was casually flirting with a pretty, dark haired and tattooed boy with the longest eyelashes in history. If he had been in the game today he would have made sure to be the first to talk to that incredibly pretty boy.
But instead he was standing there, not regretting to not have approached him since tattoo boy and buzz cut guy seemed pretty into each other anyways. Harry still couldn’t help but desperately cling to his glass though and if this had been a movie he would have smashed it already. Blood seeping through his fingers, although he still wouldn’t feel anything. He felt his limbs going numb. Gosh, he was so pathetic. Somewhere in his brain he hoped that someone had spiked the punch with some pills or something – which should be even more terrifying than just his mind running in circles. He almost smacked himself at that. Jesus, he really should get some air and not even go near the alcohol anymore for tonight.
*
He wasn’t alone on the balcony. There was a boy leaning against the railing, taking a drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out into the sky. Harry just shot him a glance as the boy watched him over his shoulder for a brief moment. Their eyes met for a second and Harry thought there was a shade of blue but then the boy’s head turned back around.
The dim light of the moon hit his feathery, probably brown hair. Harry couldn’t really tell, it was too dark. If he were to tell this story in retrospective he probably would have described it as if a halo was pinned onto his spiky hair. But this only occurred to him later, when he thought that he should write a song about this. This… what ever this was. Even the current Harry wouldn’t know.
Back then though, he just sat down on the bench on the balcony and closed his eyes. Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. He tried to push the thoughts away of how much he must look like an idiot right now. But it helped. The blood came rushing back to his fingers. His breath went back to normal after a while, his heart pumped at a normal rate and he opened his eyes.
The thing was that the boy at the railing had spun around and was watching him curiously. Their eyes met again and yeah, definitely blue eyes. Harry opened his mouth but Blue Eyes was faster.
“Do you think it’s arrogant to write about an intelligent character?”
Harry’s frowned in confusion. He had expected an ‘Are you alright?’ in either an concerned or mocking kind of way.
“W-what?” He stammered, flicking his eyes up and down the length of this boy. To say the least, he was absolutely gorgeous which really didn’t help Harry’s confusion.
“Do you think it’s arrogant to write about an intelligent character?” Blue Eyes repeated, slower this time. He snapped some of the ash from his cigarette into an ashtray he was holding. “Like does that make the reader think that I’m arrogant for writing about an intelligent character?”
Harry tried to collect his thoughts. What the hell was this boy talking about?
“Why? Why would he think that?”
Blue Eyes stubbed out his fag into the tray. “Well I write the story and I invent the characters. This basically means that I practically am all of these characters. Like not in their actions but in the way they think, in the way they are.”
“So you think it’s arrogant to write about someone intelligent because the reader may think you think of yourself as intelligent, is that right?” Harry still found this boy really confusing. They were at a party – well, outside a party. And he was starting to believe he imagined this conversation high on whatever drugs someone put into the drink.
“Well technically I asked you whether you think so, not that I think so. But the essential idea is right, yes.”
“So you don’t think so.”
“That’s not what I said. But maybe I do and maybe I don’t. I get conflicted with myself sometimes. It’s why I asked you.”
Yep, he must definitely be high. This couldn’t possibly be a real life situation, could it?
“Ehhm okay.” Harry said slowly, thinking why the hell he shouldn’t roll with it even though he might sit there alone on a balcony, talking to himself. “I think you shouldn’t think so much.”
The laugh Blue Eyes let out was sudden and felt too real to be real. It was loud and almost like a bark, but so genuine. “You might just have hit the bull’s eye there. Still I think you just avoided my question, love.”
Okay, this total stranger was calling him ‘love’ now. Harry was now to eighty percent positive his mind was playing tricks on with him.
“Okay. Well first of all which reader even comes to think about that? Secondly, why would it be arrogant if you portray an intelligent character? If you think your character is smart then that’s your take on your character slash your own intelligence maybe if you like to think so. The reader though might not think that the character is intelligent.”
Blue Eyes seemed to think about it. Harry saw his eyes narrowing, his smoothly bowed eyebrows drew together a little. But then a smile spread across his lips.
“First of all, my critics are going to think about that. And secondly, thank you so much. Sometimes I think I’m way smarter than I actually am – which should be the first indication about my not so high intelligence.”
Okay, this was totally not what Harry was trying to say, so he barged in. “No, no, no! I wasn’t trying to tell you that you were dumb. I mean you came up with this whole idea and to be honest I’m pretty sure someone spiked the punch so I might be telling you the biggest load of shit and…” He lost his train of thought there for a second, standing up and approaching Blue Eyes at the railing. “Which fuck, I mean - it’s not bullshit that I think that you are not dumb. I mean that I think you’re pretty smart...”
“Okay okay, hold it there, babe. No need to boost my ego here, I wasn’t offended. At all, okay?” Harry’s eyes met Blue Eyes and he looked sincere. So he just nodded.
Now they both stood leaning against the railing, watching the city fall asleep as the last lights were switched off in kitchens, dining rooms and bed rooms. After a moment of only a bypassing buss Blue Eyes watched Harry from the side: “Maybe this whole conversation was arrogant to begin with. Are you alright? You looked kind of upset when you came out here and I asked you about my dumb writing.”
Harry nibbled at his bottom lip. “Pretty sure your writing isn’t dumb. And yes, I’m okay. Like I said, probably someone probably drugged my drink.”
“Well that’s a relief.” Harry could sense the sarcasm in Blue Eyes’ voice.
Speaking of, his mind just labelled the boy as that – like it was his real name. In his imagination it was but if this was really happening right now, if there really was this stupidly pretty boy with the feathery hair which softly laid across his forehead in front of him he should probably ask him his real name before he would actually call him that out loud. That would be embarrassing.
“What’s your name?”
Blue Eyes – who wasn’t Blue Eyes, as Harry tried to tell himself – seemed to distance himself at that question. Harry’s stomach twisted. If his confusion over this strange boy had just appeared to have flown away, it came back within seconds – and it also hurt. But the next moment the boy took a tiny, tiny step back towards him.
“Why don’t you give me a name?”
Harry’s first thought was that the boy didn’t want to tell him his real name but Blue Eyes’ face was so soft and there were actual crinkles by his eyes.
“Don’t you have a name?”
“I do. I mean, I have plenty of them. But what would you name me?”
Blue Eyes must have seen his continuous confusion because he then added: “I have this thing where I ask people to give me names when they don’t know my name yet. It wasn’t really my own idea initially. My roomie calls me all kind of names. His favourites are ‘babe’ or ‘dick’ though.” His laugh broke the peaceful silence of the night. “It’s like you always have this certain association with a name. Like when I was in primary there was a kid called Sebastian and he was an awful bully. So I’d never ever would name my child Sebastian and if I meet someone and his name’s Sebastian I’ll probably hate him even without knowing him.” Blue Eyes’ eyes widened at that, a little shocked. “You’re name isn’t Sebastian, is it?”
Harry laughed loudly, it almost rang in his ears. This boy was really something. “No, no my name’s not Sebastian. But I’m now also not telling you my name ‘cause there might be another name you have horrible associations with.” And I want you to like me Harry’s mind added.
“Good, good. So we just call each other the names, we come up with. So what’s yours for me?” His look was challenging but in a sweet way. Harry didn’t know that was possible until now.
“Uhmm. Okay this is embarrassing but I may have called you Blue Eyes in my head all this time we’ve been talking now.” Harry blushed. Why did he just admit that?
But Blue Eyes’ smile just widened a little more at that. “I like that. Although it’s a little…”
“Superficial?”
“Yes maybe. But I called you Curly in my head so I’m not the one who should be saying this – at all.”
Curly. Harry couldn’t think straight. Just - Curly.
“Well I guess we have not much to go on apart from appearance and the fact that you seem to appear to write… stuff. Should I call you David as in David Foster Wallace or Dan as in Dan Brown or John as in John Steinbeck or Green?”
“I’d love to be a David but I know I’m not. Although I would just want his writing skills and not all that other depressing stuff. Fortunately I don’t need to pop pills. Yet at least. But hey, Zayn calls me E L sometimes.”
“Like in E L James?” Harry couldn’t oppress a laugh.
“Yes, although I wouldn’t know too much about like… females having sex. I just think Zayn calls me that because he knew it’d annoy me.”
“So you write about intelligent males having sex?” Harry giggled.
“Well, sometimes I guess.” Blue Eyes laughed. “But no, not really. It’s more nonsense. It should be a genre. It would help to become the best author in that category at least.”
Harry just smiled. “So are you published or…?”
“Well, short stories and like a column in a magazine. But not my novels, any of the three I that I’ve written.”
“Oh that’s cool though. Do you publish them under your real name then? Or just ‘dick’ or ‘babe’?”
“Cheeky, I like it Curly. And if this is your attempt to make me tell you my name, you’re not succeeding. But also a good question because I have like ten different pseudonyms. They even think that four different people write the column – I mean the readers, not the publishers of course.”
“So you come up with these names? Or do other people? Are you trying to make me give you a new pseudonym? Or are you actually hiding from the police?” He felt comfortably silly now and that was thing he only ever experienced in the presence of Niall or family until now.
“Don’t make me tell you what I’ve done, Curly.” Blue Eyes raised his eyebrows playfully. “But I guess this is the part where you most probably think I’m a lunatic – if you don’t already. And yeah that’s fine, it’s much more a compliment than being called boring, especially since every writer has to be a little crazy to be interesting enough.
As I told you my mate Zayn likes to give me names but to be honest that’s only part of the… thing.” Blue Eyes made vague gestures with his right hand.
“Sometimes I’m this person who likes to go out, drink, get laid and is totally reckless. The next day I might be him again or I’m someone totally different. Like I can be super anti-social and just spend my day thinking, sometimes I don’t even talk to Zayn or my mum. Or I’m really grumpy, angry, borderline aggressive and I can be good with kids and absolutely the worst with them. I can be selfish and I can put someone else’s needs first. Some days I like myself, my writing, my friends, my life and some days I just hate everything without good reason.
My mum always said that I’m moody – not necessarily in a bad way though – but I have come to the conclusion that I have at least ten different personas. Sometimes they argue in my head and my body is just helplessly hanging in between.”
“That does indeed sound a bit… confusing?” Confused was the general state that Harry was in. But if he was being honest with himself, he’s confused seventy percent of the time. Not only now, but all the time. “But I guess it explains a lot of things.”
“Like what?” Again, there was the sweet challenging look on his face.
“You confuse me, that’s all.”
“Is that so?” It felt a lot like flirting all of a sudden. How did that happen? Harry definitely wasn’t opposed to it though. He found Blue Eyes confusing yes, but also endearing and pretty and just interesting.
“Yes and no.” Harry said cryptically. With a wink he mock whispered: “It’s cause I’m confused. Get it?” Harry was rather proud when Blue Eyes barking laugh reappeared.
“You’re not a very good joker, are you?” Blue Eyes teased him once he calmed down again.
“You were the one waking up people across the street with your laughing if I remember correctly.” Harry grinned and saw those blue eyes flicking from one of Harry’s cheeks to the other one. The dimples were always a winning feature. Harry knew this and grinned even wider.
“Guilty as charged I guess. But I totally didn’t have control over that one. That was probably Lewis thinking you’re hilarious. Not me.”
“Is that how it works? You blaming your other personas? And by the way – You totally just gave me one of your names.” Harry laughed winningly.
“It was just a pseudonym for a pseudonym.” Blue Eyes quickly said but Harry knew he was lying. “And also yes. It’s the perks of being ten persons in one body.”
“How does that work anyhow? How do you all of you like writing? How do all of you like your coffee with or without milk and sugar?”
“It’s few things we all like. Writing is one of them although some days none of us like it at all. Also I’ll probably later hate myself for smoking tonight. And I drink my coffee differently almost every single time. I think the Starbucks guy thinks I just want to try the whole menu.” He laughed. “Or maybe him.”
“So you do this on a daily basis I assume. Charming your way into someone’s heart slash pants with your ten different you’s?” Harry pouted a little. Mainly playfully.
“If it’s working…” Blue Eyes winked – fucking winked at him.
“Definitely working.” Harry said lowly before he could think too much about it. He also took a step forward and now their chests were only mere centimetres apart.
“The real question here is though whether you’d like my other nines.”
“The real question is whether your other nines would like me.”
“No, the real question has been what you’d name me? And all you came up with is Blue Eyes.” He rolls his eyes in effect.
“Maybe I should call you drama queen or should I just annoy you and call you E L or Lewis?”
“No!! Not E L, I hate it. I also hate carrots.”
“So you hate carrots. I think I just lost you there.”
“Babe, you’ve been lost the second you stepped out onto this balcony. I can see it in your eyes. Or maybe it’s cause there was in fact something in your drink.”
“I’m sure of both options. I also probably lost this name challenge anyhow.”
“So you just want to give up? You know I haven’t given you a proper name either yet. Although I quite like Curly. It’s one of my favourite features of yours. But I guess than I should be calling you Dimples too.”
Harry felt the blood rushing into his cheeks. Don’t blush, don’t blush, he thought, but at least it was dark enough, probably.
“Well then Blue Eyes is fitting too. And also Crinkles.”
“Crinkles and Dimples. I like it. We could form a band and become famous.”
“You could even write some intelligent lyrics for it!” Harry mocked.
“I don’t know whether I should be offended or charmed.”
“Five of you could be offended and the other ones charmed. I think that’s fair.”
“Okay, now I’m pretty sure you’re making fun of me. Are you sure that you don’t have some more personas yourself? You seemed a lot nicer just a few minutes ago.”
“Don’t say I’m not nice. I talked to you even though I could have died because of the drugging of my drink or whatever.”
“Sure, Dimples. Whatever you say.”
“I am at a point where I think that you are not even real and I’m talking to myself on a balcony.”
“Your mind must be genius if it is able to make me up.”
“Maybe it is. Most of the time I just play dumb to get all the girls and boys into my bedroom, you know?”
“Well, now that’s a trick! Does that actually work?”
“You tell me.” Harry wiggled with his eyebrows. He must be high. Not even Blue Eyes could convince him otherwise.
“I haven’t seen your bedroom yet. So probably not.”
Harry pouted but immediately lit up again: “It doesn’t have to be in the bedroom though. I quite enjoy outdoor sex. Well, as long as it’s not on a beach. That’s just gross.”
“Okay woah, Dimples. I think someone did drug you after all. Maybe I should see that bedroom after all.” He paused. “At least to get you home safely and tuck you into bed.”
The thing was that Harry didn’t really feel high. He felt buzzed but nothing further. There was also a funny tingle in his stomach. And he knew that also Crinkles – he almost sniggered at that – also knew that Harry just sort of made that up. But who knew? Maybe it was true. Harry did kind of lose his sense for reality and imagination tonight after all.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “But my mum told me not to go with strangers, especially when I don’t even know their name.”
“You could keep my ID all the way back to yours but not look at it and when I’m out and you’re safe you just throw it out the window.”
“Do you do this often? Or how do you come up with such a plan so fast?”
“Maybe I had you fooled all along and I’m just messing with you to write about all those dumb boys who fell for my ten persona story.”
“Good thing you don’t know my real name either then. So I think we can go without exchanging IDs. You could steal my identity after all too.”
*
They arrived at Harry’s apartment about half an hour later. When Harry said “Well this is me” and pointed at the third floor windows of a narrow terraced house, he was unsure whether to invite Crinkles up. But this decision was taken from him when Crinkles said: “Well then. I’m just gonna read the nameplates for the third floor then.” He smiled wickedly. “After all that was the whole purpose of this, right?”
Harry groaned. This boy was frustrating and so much fun? “Okay Lewis, you pick one of those two last names on it. You think I could have your real phone number at least?”
“Mhm, yes I guess. If you dare.”
“I love dares. And I dare you.”
“To what?”
“I dare you to kiss me.”
“That’s it?”
“Well yeah. As if your dare to call or text you is any more challenging?”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Then what?”
“What do you mean ‘then what?’”
“I dared you to kiss me. So you kiss me. If you dare.”
“Like now?”
“Of course now, you idiot.”
“Okay.”
“Not that okay-bullshit again.”
“But you don’t text me before tomorrow, yeah?”
“I don’t even have your number yet, dummy.”
Then he finally kissed Harry. It was rushed, with purpose but became slower and in the end they just nibbled a bit at each other’s lips. It was sweet. Harry thought he tasted like a fruity cocktail and a bit like smoke but mostly he could just feel his heart bumping fast in his chest when Blue Eyes slid his fingers into Harry’s curls.
When they mutually broke the kiss, they both breathed heavily.
“You ready to be dared too?”
Harry just nodded and picked his phone out of his pocket, opening a new contact with his thumb and handing his phone over. Blue Eyes typed fast and closed it before Harry could see under which name he had saved his number.
“It’s part of the dare to find out.” Crinkles whispered and leaned in for another peck on Harry’s lips. His lips had left Harry’s before he could even respond to it.
“Text me tomorrow, yeah?”
Harry just nodded, his eyes shining in the streetlights. Crinkles skipped – skipped – down the street before Harry could even croak out a hoarse “Goodnight”.
*
Harry did text Crinkles as soon as he woke up the next morning. He was surprised not to have a headache as he still hadn’t ruled out the option of his imagination and a drugged up mind playing games with him.
But there was indeed a new contact in his phone which simply said “L”. Harry considered the possibility that Lewis was his real name but then again, there were a lot of names that started with “L” and maybe it was meant to mislead him.
i would love to get to know 2/10, crinkles. xx
When Harry came back from the bathroom a new text awaited him.
that’s not my new name is it? bc i hate it, 2/? xx
but isn’t that the point of me giving you names? also: if that’s my name it’s worse. xx
nah, i'm quite fond of curly and dimples. you got anything to do today? xx
figuring out whether i have more than one persona? xx
maybe i should help? after all i'm the expert here. xx
Another text appeared on Harry’s screen before he could answer. It was from Niall.
did you get home safe? i'm so soz, slept over at natalies. but a friend of mine said you went home with louis??????? love ya man
LOUIS? Was that his name? Harry smiled brightly. Maybe he was winning the name game after all. So he just typed out a quick text to Crinkles. Niall could wait.
sure you are, louis. xx
WHAT? HOW DID YOU KNOW? STYLES?
well how did you know that my last name’s not horan?
maybe cause i know niall and i also may know that you’re harry? possibly? xx
WTF? i was gonna hug niall thank you when he got home but now i'm reconsidering.
reconsidering cause he didn’t introduce us earlier? also reconsidering our date?
is it a date? i thought it was a dare…
then i dare you to go on a date with 2/10
challenge accepted. xx
*
Fin.