Archive of Our Own

Welcome to this very special episode of Patins et Rondelle! This is your host, HollaNova, and by popular request, this week’s offering is an edited down version of my now somewhat famous livestream from last weekend. I have trimmed out the fat for pacing and cut out all the copyrighted material which would get us immediately taken down, so you can all relive the four hour journey we all went on in a very concise hour and a half! At some point when everything calms down, I’ll make a full list of all the clips to put in the shownotes.

All revenue from this episode will go to the Irina foundation. Please feel free to donate and share at the link in the description, or at givegivegive.com/PER_KissCampaign. Alright, enjoy!

Alright, okay, I think that is all the technical issues fixed. So! Hello friends and welcome to the Hollanov Freakout Livestream. Why am I doing this? Because it’s like 3am in the Americas so none of my hockey friends are awake and I absolutely need to talk to someone about the fully insane thing that just happened.

Okay so I’ve tagged this stream hockey RPF and Hollanov. So far there are… ten of you listening. Twelve. Fifteen. So I’m going to assume you’re all here for the same reason I am. You have seen… The Video.

On the off chance you’re not or you haven’t and you have no idea who I am, hi I’m Holla_Nova on AO3, twitter and tumblr. I host a hockey fandom podcast called Patins et Rondelle which comes out weekly during the MLH season and fortnightly the rest of the year. It’s not hugely popular so if you’ve heard of me it’s more likely to be because I wrote the Hollanov soulmates fic Stars on Your Skin back in 2017 which was fortunate enough to hit right after the All Star Team-up brought a bunch of people into the fandom and it became a bit of a classic. I am also French – salut, ca va – hence why I am awake at 4am in Canada and why I have seen the video which I’m sure all – oh cool okay 45 – of you are waiting for me to talk about.

Oh hey this thing has comments. ISawYouinaDream says Sorry i thought this would be a fic update, what video is this?

So okay. Well. About four hours ago a twitter user called BradChucksit34 posted a video he’d got from fanmail. A birthday wish from Hayden Pike, who is known for being Shane Hollander’s left winger, most popular slash pairing, and the only member of the Montreal Metros on fanmail. Now who among us has not paid for a Hayden Pike fanmail vid in the vain hope that perhaps Shane Hollander – the Metro’s star center, Cosmo’s sexiest hockey player, fandom’s favourite bicycle – would be captured in the background. However I think even the most diehard of Hollanov shippers (myself among them) would not have dared to even hope for… this.

In the background of the video, to the dulcet tones of Hayden Pike wishing some asshole who doesn’t respect other people’s privacy a very generic happy birthday, is a mirror reflecting an alleyway down the side of the Pike household. In this alleyway, our boys are sucking face like they’re in a fucking competition for it. Like, I don’t know, they’re trying to kiss so hard they become one person.

Look, I just woke up, this is not the time for metaphors, but if my ex girlfriend had kissed me like that I would not be single and also I might be dead.

Hang on, I’m getting some ‘what’s hollanov’ questions in the chat. Folx, why did you even click on this livestream? But fine, to summarize: Hollanov is the name for the hockey RPF ship of Shane Hollander – god’s gift to hockey – and Ilya Rozanov – god’s gift to women, and also hockey. And I guess also men? I don’t know, this got away from me.

Hollanov is a constant presence in the top ten of Hockey RPF ships. It’s got beautiful people, hardcore competency kink, enemies to lovers and now it has a fucking make out scene in the background of a Hayden Pike Fanmail video.

Yes. Hi. Do you see why I’m freaking out yet?

Okay just refreshed Brad’s tweet and it’s gone, but based on the – oh hi – 64 of you tuned in to a random French lady talking on a thursday morning I suspect it has broken containment and there will be – oh yep, okay the chat already has a link to a reupload.

So. There’s probably no way ESPN won’t have this by USA morning. Possibly their press team is already brainstorming headlines which, honestly, sucks ass. Like, okay, these are two of the greatest hockey players in the world, we are in a post-Scott Hunter era. Hell, Troy Barrett came out like two weeks ago. But that is not the kiss of two guys who just started seeing each other.

So either this relationship is new, and it’s going to blow up and get torn apart by the shit that’s about to go flying their way. Or it’s not, and it’s been kept a secret for a very long time despite constant intrusions by the press and the fans. It will have been an incredible amount of work and planning and logistics, the kind of work you’d only do for someone you love very much.

Torn down by a moment of carelessness.

Fucking Hayden Pike. Fucking fanmail, what like Montreal doesn’t pay you enough?

Ugh, sorry. Forget I said that. It’s probably more complicated than that, remember real people’s lives here. There is more going on than we know or imagine so don’t fucking go after Hayden, he’s Shane’s best friend, if Shane was kissing Rozanov at his house that suggests Hayden has also known for a while and kept it secret. Not a bad guy. A stupid mistake, I’m sure.

And I know, yes, I’m a Hollanov fan. I have been collecting clues for a Hollander/Rozanov romance subplot for about ten years at this point but I have always been strictly separation of church and state about it. Like, the thing about RPF is sure it would be great if your ship became canon but also real life is more complicated than fiction. Narrative clues do not lead to inevitable conclusions. We are not in a fun contemporary romance where everyone lives happily ever after in the end.

User Hockeyfan24 asks: when do you think they got together?

I mean I have been stanning them since they were rookies, I have written multiple primers on moments that could possibly hint at from like their first game at the prospects cup in 2008 and if even a fraction of them are true that would be insane but also they were such small things they must have been trying so –

They hardly even see each other during the regular season. We’re talking two, three games a year except the times they both make playoffs.

Rozanov moved to Ottawa.

God, a hundred people are listening to this livestream, there are multiple video links all over the internet. This is actually going to ruin their lives, fuck.

Fuck.

User… actually I’m not saying your username. Some dickhead in the comments says do you think Hollander has ever thrown a game?

Firstly get the fuck out of my livestream. Secondly absolutely not. Thirdly… we’ve got to do something guys. There’s got to be some way to give them something not entirely shitty to wake up to. Open to suggestions.

User like_a_fine_marleau says: can we get the video taken down?

It’s a nice idea but the amount it’s cropping up, I really don’t think so. Brad’s deleted the original tweet so either he didn’t look at the background or someone’s lawyer has already tried that.

User LucaHaasMyHeart (oh cute) says: can we pretend we think it’s not real?

Look, okay. At some point Shane the-face-that-launched-a-thousand-brand-deals Hollander is going to release a carefully workshopped statement that attempts to play this off and sweep it under the rug. I don’t even know how – maybe they’ll spin it as filming a promo video for their charity, or some kind of marketing stunt, or the new ice bucket challenge. Literally no idea, but I am sure Farrah Jalali and Yuna Hollander have disaster prepped for this exact scenario.

I… do not know how anyone who has seen this video could possibly believe this statement but I will absolutely dedicate all my ten years of amateur dramatics training to pretending to if it gives them any ounce of power taking back their own story from the media.

And if it means they have to actually film themselves making out for a fake charity promo I mean… yes please go ahead I’d love some better angles.

User MrsRozanov81 says: Someone tell Shane Hollander I’ll believe he’s straight if he and Rozanov make out again with their shirts off.

Look, as making things better goes I don’t think that helps but if we get shirtless kissing photos I will donate a hundred euros to the Irina foundation.

User centaurruss says: I will match this donation

And ZenCens is offering two hundred pounds!

Okay hang on maybe this is something? There are… 150? of us now here. If we can get more of hockey fandom on board we could turn this into a proper fundraiser. A live fandom auction? I will answer any Hollanov question for a ten dollar donation? What do people usually do for these?

User Metros_sexual says: I will donate one hundred Canadian dollars if you tell us what Hollanov clues you were seeing at prospects???

Oh my god my metrosexual friend, I could talk about this for hours. Hi by the way to the ridiculous number of you listening, I’m Holla_Nova, podcaster, AO3 author, Hollanov fan. I live in Paris hence why I saw this video at 3am Montreal time fairly shortly after it went up. And fine for every hundred dollars raised for the Irina foundation I will share some niche Hollanov lore. Do I have enough to cover the two and a half hours until Yuna Hollander wakes up and shuts us all down with a beautifully crafted PR statement denial?

I mean almost definitely yes, I have written over five hundred thousand words in this fandom, I have watched every interview, and more than three full podcast episodes have been dedicated to the Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov of it all.

Give me five minutes to figure out how to set up a donation website to track and in the meantime enjoy this clip from the International Prospects Cup in 2008 where Shane Hollander is first asked about Ilya Rozanov.

/Editing!Holla here! So, as I said in the intro, I had to cut out all the clips from this recap for copyright reasons! So everytime you hear this lovely jingle that I didn’t make out of spite at all: [cut, fuck the MLH], just know that there is a clip of the moment we’re discussing out there for you, so you can get the full experience. Back to the studio!/

And we’re back. Comments are saying why is the interview in French? And Subtitles??? Oops, sorry folx I just pulled up the first video I had saved in my clips folder.

There was a lot of ‘we’re just here to play the best hockey we can, the whole team was giving it a hundred and ten percent’ because Shane Hollander has been a parody of himself from the beginning. The important bit is when the interviewer asks about Rozanov who was playing for Russia in this tournament. Note this was the first time they had ever played against each other, and this is pre-draft so it was probably Ilya’s first time in America at all.

Shane says: ‘Rozanov est un des meilleurs joueurs à regarder, et c'était génial de le rencontrer et de jouer contre lui.’ Which means Rozanov is great to watch, Shane was excited to meet him and play against him.

The significant thing here is that ‘meet’. The teams don’t meet at the prospect cup, they have separate team buses and meals and training. As far as the world knew the only contact between them would have been shaking hands after the final – which Russia won, nice job Ilya – but that was after this interview.

Look, you can say we’re deluded and getting excited about nothing but come back to me when your ship is caught making out in Hayden Pike’s back garden.

/I have cut a lot out here because we had a bunch of issues setting up the donation page and it was a lot of boring technical support via livechat but for those listening now you can donate at givegivegive.com/PER_KissCampaign or click the link in the description!/

Okay! We are back and live with an audience of – jesus okay two hundred and forty. Look if all of you donate ten dollars we’re basically halfway to my wildly ambitious $5000 target already. Also I realise we’re at a disadvantage because this is primarily a North American fandom and it’s still only 3:30am there but if you could tag some of your awake Hockey RPF friends to come join us, we’re gonna need more numbers if we want to make a mark here.

The chat is saying I owe you Hollanov facts. Guys we have a rule in place now. If you want lore you gotta donate. Oh, no, hang on folks are saying I need to refre-

Holy fucking shit. Four hundred dollars? Already?

I need to talk faster. Okay: Hollanov’s second meeting is the Draft in June 2009. There are a lot of 09 Draft fics out there. The actual event was fairly uneventful – Rozanov went first to Boston, Hollander went second to Montreal, there’s an amazing photo where Roz is grinning like a loon and Hollander looks like he wants to die – but the post-draft-hotel-room fic genre is amazing. The premise is usually that Hollander expected to be picked first, he goes to confront Rozanov about it, and they bang. Gonna throw out a rec for AstralWorld’s Silver Medal, and a shameless self-plug for my fic Gold in Vegas in which they get drunk at the draft and get married.

Yay fandom.

We’re at six hundred dollars this is insane. I think I’ve got to increase the threshold for facts or I’m not going to be able to keep up. Maybe a grand per fact? Is that too much? I guess we can see how we go with listeners and donations but the number is still climbing. If we want this campaign to outshine the video leak, we’re going to need some bigger numbers. Hi to anyone joining us now –

/I also cut the many times I re-introduced myself over all the hours of stream! Right after this one a major twitter account posted a link so we got a big surge in numbers and I had to do it all over again./

Okay at some point in all that drama we’ve crossed $1000 so I’m going to do a quick-fire run down of the rookie season, we’ll get 8 lore drops for the OG one hundred crew, and then the price is going up!

One: Neither of our guys start the season directly after the draft. Official reason: Rozanov had commitments to his Russian team and Hollander didn’t feel ready at eighteen. Unofficial reason: Hollander heard that Rozanov wasn’t starting and so delayed his start because he wanted them to have their rookie seasons together. AS WELL HE SHOULD.

Two: They do get to play each other once in this time, at World Juniors. This one’s also in Canada, this time at Hollander’s home rink in Ottawa. This time Canada beats Russia. At an interview someone asks Rozanov – you know I have a clip for this and this one is in English so:

/I had to cut this one too, fucking copyright. They ask Roz what it’s like to be beaten by Canada and he says ‘is no big deal, will be beating Hollander in MLH soon enough.’ /

Note that not a single interviewer mentioned Hollander’s name before Rozanov brought it up. These boys are thinking about each other and it shows.

Three: No one was miked at World Juniors because they don’t do that, but the camera footage of the handshake line shows Shane definitely said something more than the usual good game. Because he’s excited that he’ll be seeing Ilya again at the MLH!

Four: Before the season starts CCM – hockey equipment manufacturer, sponsors a lot of players – does an advertising photoshoot. Not in itself unusual but typically these shoots use one player, or a group of players from a single team. Instead CCM decide to get Hollander and Rozanov together in the first big example of The Rivalry being used for promo. There’s a lot of amazing shots of them going in for fake face-offs and you’ll recognise the images as being used in a thousand fic covers all across the internet.

But also, the photographer has a personal website and intrepid shippers found a few photos from this shoot in his collection where the vibe is less ‘deadly enemies’ and more ‘two hot boys grinning adorably at each other.’

This is, notably, the first big thing they were both at where they weren’t surrounded by managers and parents and other hockey players. ‘It happened at the CCM photoshoot’ is a classic fandom tag for a reason.

Five: Both of them start playing for the MLH! The league makes a huge deal of the rivalry. Boston and Montreal have always had a rivalry, and Rozanov and Hollander were the perfect symbols for it because of how perfectly matched they are in skill, and how opposite they are in personality. Shane is there smiling at the press saying, ‘J'vais faire de mon mieux et j'espère que ça va nous donner le résultat qu'on veut pour l'équipe.’ and down the hall Rozanov is saying he is definitely going to score fifty goals in the season. This is a lot, for a rookie but fact number

Six: They both scored the exact same number of goals in their rookie seasons and that number was a ridiculous 67.

Seven: On the subject of being perfectly matched, they’re both picked for the All Star game that year (and have been every year since unless there’s a conflict or they’re on IR). Blah blah they both did shot accuracy, league pushed rivals, more importantly for us there’s a brief clip that’s meant to be showing the speed skating but in the background you can see Ilya shifting down his bench to get closer to the wall between the teams, where Shane is right on the other side of the glass. The clip cuts right as Shane says something and Ilya laughs.

These boys like each other. Have always liked each other. No matter how much the league wants to push the fucking ‘rivals’ narrative, I will always believe that.

Where am I on the count? Eight? Okay, fact eight: everyone is back in Vegas at the end of the season for the MLH awards show. Shane Hollander wins rookie of the year, effectively balancing out Rozanov getting first draft pick and proving that these two men will be matching each other’s freak for all time. Also a second opportunity for confrontation fanfiction if you prefer Ilya confronting Shane, and a bonus second chance for the Married-in-Vegas trope! Angel_Hair’s Caught in Your Storm expertly combines both of these so check that out.

Aaand breathe. Can I breathe? Where are we at on the… eighteen hundred dollars. Eighteen hundred dollars and twelve hundred listeners. I’m seeing people in the chat asking for a hashtag to spread the campaign.

Well, my podcast is called Patins & Rondelle - don’t forget to subscribe! I’m not going to say anything as optimistic as usually the podcast is scripted but I do usually have notes unlike this live which is a real seat-of-the-pants adventure.

But yes, Patins et Rondelle as a name is a bit raunchy. We did start this campaign hoping the guys might find out about it so they’d get some good news so maybe a hashtag that’s a little more supportive and a little less asshole-focused.

24-81-24-81 says ‘#make out for charity’ I like the vibe, not sure it’s got enough zing.

Okay we’re not getting a lot of suggestions, the chat is mostly some variant on ‘what’ and ‘asshole???’ Um, you all know my podcast is a fandom hockey podcast, right? Like, sure I talk about the games in season but it’s mostly about how what happened will impact Your Hockey OTP with a sidebar for fanfic recs.

User MontrealQueen says: ‘Patins et rondelle just means skates and pucks though?’

Um. I’m guessing you put that into google translate and that’s what came out so… literally, yes. If you’re French… it’s a tad more raunchy.

Oh hang on, more people are saying they speak French and what am I talking about. HungLikeaCentaur says they speak Quebecois and have no idea what I mean – Why are you awake isn’t it like 4am still in Canada?

So… I guess the double meaning is a French-French thing and for the last two years Canadians have been coming into my podcast expecting sweet innocent hockey updates?

In hindsight that does explain why the podcast was quoted in the Ottawa Gazette that one time and they didn’t comment on the name at all…

So, okay. In France the country where I live un patin literally means a skate but also very much means making out. Or I guess a French kiss, would be the closest literal translation. Much like what Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are doing in that video.

And Rondelle is a puck but also an asshole. So, uh, I apologise to all the French-Canadian speakers out there who have clicked on my podcast with no clue what it’s about and I guess that explains why my retention stats on organic users are so low.

Look at that, we’re all learning something today.

And that’s two thousand dollars so let’s talk Hollanov and keep dropping hashtag suggestions in the comments. There are… a lot of you now, so you might have to repeat the ones you like so I get to see them.

We’re going to skip ahead a few years to 2014. What happened in those few years? A lot of great hockey, both of them got promoted to captain – Shane at the Metros and Ilya at the Raiders. In 2014 Rozanov and the Raiders won the Stanley cup, which would have been absolutely unheard of back in 2011 when the Raiders had first round draft picks so that’s an incredible turnaround.

I’ve got a clip here of Ilya’s cup win –

[cut]

Ilya Rozanov at this point was best known for having a woman in every port. There was a facebook group for girls he’d slept with that you needed ‘evidence’ to get into, and a second group that you didn’t. He slept with models, barstaff, other players’ girlfriends. Multiple reddit/relationships threads from men whose girlfriends had slept with Rozanov and were trying to decide if that was worth dumping them or not.

Fun fact, when Ilya moved to Ottawa the most popular theory for why was that he’d slept with all the girls in Boston.

So let me just run that clip back a minute to all the players friends and partners and families and loved ones coming out onto the ice. And if you look at Ilya Rozanov, captain of the reigning cup champions, you’ll see he fist-bumps Cliff Marleau, hands the cup off to St Simon, and then drifts off to the side on his own.

Now I know, after this he was the life of the after-cup party and I know that was the Night of the Raiders Orgy but this is the biggest moment in Rozanov’s life so far and there’s no one there to share it with.

Oh the Russian he shouts is I love you mama.

Anyway, sorry, not the Hollanov moment just worth noting that in 2014 Ilya Rozanov is a man in need of family. Three years after this, Scott Hunter is in the exact same position when he decides instead of standing alone to invite Kip down and kiss him on centre ice.

So, closeted hockey players alone after a cup win is a theme.

Shane didn’t get any trophies at the MLH awards that year – the Metros didn’t make the playoffs and he was on IR for too much of the season to make a play for the Art Ross – but the league needed some Rivalry face time so they made him and Ilya present.

I have a clip of this too.

[cut]

And again in slow motion, watch Ilya’s left hand and Shane’s face.

[cut]

That is not a ‘pretending to be friends with your rival’ back touch. That is an ‘any excuse to touch you’ back touch and Shane’s eyelids flickering for a moment like he knows it and he likes it.

[cut, again]

For the record, this was also in Vegas and the rumour mill at the time said that Ilya Rozanov had the penthouse suite in the awards hotel and didn’t bring a plus one. I’m just saying, the married-in-vegas fics really write themselves in this fandom.

One last time, for luck.

[cut, again again]

Look, maybe I’m crazy but you asked me for the Hollanov clues and this is what we were working with up until just under two hours ago when these two men were filmed sucking each other’s faces off in a Hayden Pike fanmail video and for the – nine hundred of you who’ve just joined us let me remind you why we’re here.

[fast forward cut]

Okay we’re at two thousand nine hundred and twenty dollars so keep those donations rolling in, every dollar helps, and if you can’t donate share the link with your friends or jump into the chat and help us with hashtags.

I see user Rachel_Reads came up with #HeatedRivalry which is getting a lot of traction. [laugh?] I mean, I love the vibe of it and might steal it for a Hollanov fic title but I think we need something a bit more fundraiser-y? And I mean, I’m not not saying that Shane Hollander started a mental health charity as an excuse to spend more time with his boyfriend but this is not a man who does things in half measures and the Irina Foundation does genuinely do good work.

I’m seeing #loveislove thrown out a lot too. It’s a nice pride tag but again doesn’t really cover what we’re trying to achieve here.

Letosatie suggests eradicate brad-gate. Look, we’re trying to be positive on the livestream. Brad’s already taken the original video down, maybe he didn’t notice until it started exploding, let’s not jump on anyone who might be innocent and yes that includes Hayden Pike.

We’re supporting our boys and raising money for a mental health organisation. Focus on that.

Gayden_Spike says ‘the kiss campaign’, love the alliteration. Oh and the play on kiss cam – love a game kiss cam. I guess this is kind of like those moments when the kiss cam picks up a couple who are meant to be in hiding. Actually an amazing thing happened recently – give me a mo to pull up the clip

[cut]

That’s from this January, so like two weeks ago. Shane and Ilya caught for a moment on the kiss cam in the crowd at a PWHL game in Ottawa. Leah Campbell was goaltending for Toronto and she volunteers at the Irina Foundation summer camps, so it’s easy to say the guys went to the game to support her – and that is in fact what they did say when reporters cornered them after. Shane was in town to see his parents, and Ilya invited him to support Leah.

They did not kiss, unsurprisingly. But yknow. If someone told me Shane Hollander takes his partners to hockey games for a first date I would not be surprised. The number 1 reason I’ve been believing in Hollanov for ten years is that Shane Hollander’s one and only true love is hockey and who is more hockey than Ilya Rozanov.

And I think that counts as our 3000 dollar fact since we blew past that about twelve hundred dollars ago. I really cannot believe the numbers we’re getting here, I thought $5000 was an absurdly high amount but it looks like we’re going to need stretch goals.

Maybe a fandom auction if we make it to ten grand? We must have enough writers and artists in the chat to make some offers. Does anyone know how to organise one of those?

And for four thousand dollars we’re back onto Stanley cup wins for 2015 and 2016 both of which went to captain Shane Hollander and the Montreal Metros. This kind of back to back victory is rare in the MLH and rarer for Montreal who were totally useless before Shane Hollander and are still very close to useless whenever Shane goes off for injury.

Ilya actually called this out in his final Conn Smythe win for Boston. I’m sure I’ll play the clip later but he said something like, ‘Thank you to Shane Hollander for breaking his arm before the playoffs so Metros lose.’

Actually given the kiss video is real, they might have been together then which… [pause for deep contemplation]

Jesus, no Raiderz4Life I am not saying Shane Hollander broke his arm on purpose to give his boyfriend the cup do you know how insane that sounds? Have you ever seen Shane Hollander play hockey against Ilya Rozanov? If I remember correctly I think he broke his arm when Marleau checked him hard against the boards for stealing the puck off Rozanov and going for goal three times in one shift.

ANYWAY Shane wins the stanley cup twice, both times with his two adoring parents coming onto the ice to celebrate with him. I have clips of these too and we’re going to watch both because I love watching Shane Hollander winning the cup.

[cut]

And I hope you got a good look at his parents because here is a snapshot from the audience of a recent Ottawa game and in the friends and family box for the Ottawa Centaurs is a familiar face. And I suppose it’s reasonable if a bit odd that Shane’s parents might go to Ilya’s game just because he’s Shane’s friend and charity partner.

But guys. Come on.

That’s his father in law.

And I hope next time Ilya wins the cup in Ottawa both of them will be there to support him.

/Okay I cut a whole chunk here where Karanite offered to run the charity auction and we got a system set up for people to volunteer for that. If you want to learn more about it or take part in the next round check out Karanite on tumblr, I’ll put a link in the description./

And we’re back with sixteen thousand listeners, the pot has blown past my 5k target to a stunning seven and a half thousand, hashtag kiss-campaign. Karanite will be coming on to run the auction at 10, in the meantime in the Hollanov moments timeline we have reached what shippers like to call the Dark Months.

The thing to note here is that Shane Hollander up until November 2016 had never publicly had a girlfriend. This is one of the many things that made him perfect for everyone’s shipping needs – along with being insanely talented and incredibly handsome.

So it was a bit of a blow to find that actually he just had wildly high standards because his first public girlfriend was generational hottie, superhero and X-squad superstar Rose Landry.

They are still friends. Every so often the tabloids claim they are still dating. They would, admittedly, make incredibly hot and talented babies, BUT that is not what we are here to discuss.

It’s January 2017. Shane Hollander has been dating Rose Landry for two months. Ilya Rozanov seems to have made it his mission to be on the front cover as TMZ as many times as is humanly possible – although oddly the membership of the conquests facebook group isn’t actually increasing.

Montreal and Boston have their first game of the year.

Actually, fun fact, their last game of 2016 was about three days before Shane was first photographed with Rose. Makes you think, makes you write 50,000 words of fanfiction, much of a muchness.

The game in November 2016 was mostly uneventful. The game in January 2017 was also uneventful in a way that was really weird because normally Montreal Boston games are chaos in the best way. Hollander and Rozanov are the two best players and they bring out the best in each other.

EXCEPT in January 2017 in Montreal when they both seem to be completely out of their heads. Missing easy passes, failing to make intercepts. Let me pull up the best clip for you.

[cut]

Ilya, no excuse to miss that pass. Shane, no excuse to not intercept it. Then both of them back on the bench after less than 20seconds of ice time clearly cursing their ancestors.

Now another fun fact about this game is that it was a mic’d up game. Hollander and Rozanov get plenty of mic’d games each and we will definitely touch on their chirps later – maybe if we make it to 20k we’ll do a top twenty Rozanov chirps or something – but in this particular game neither of them were on mic, probably a smart choice.

But you know who was mic’d? Hollander’s BFF and apparent confidant, Hayden Pike.

I’ll give you the clip first.

[cut]

Shane comes off the ice – another frustrating short shift – and drops onto the bench next to Hayden. The mic picks up him muttering to himself – it’s in French, so don’t worry if you didn’t get it. He says Pense à autre chose. Regarde ailleurs, le regarde pas. Ça va le faire, concentre-toi.

Which means like ‘don’t think about it, don’t look. You can do this, just focus.’ And you think maybe he means Rose, is she a distraction, but she wasn’t at this game. And she’d been at plenty of other games where Hollander played perfectly normally by which I mean insanely better than anyone else.

Also fun fact, ‘it’ is not always gender neutral in French. Because we like to give objects genders. And the way Shane worded this, although ‘it’ could still be an object it could also be, yknow. A male thing. Or, a man. Or Ilya Rozanov. You know just if we’re throwing ideas out there.

Two weeks after this Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov were put onto the same All Stars team for the first time in 6 years. (This is also insane, as are the wildly out-there ‘themes’ the All Star committees came up with to keep putting two same age, same division, same experience players on different teams. Do we all remember blonds vs. brunets? Yeah you can blame Hollanov for that one).

And you know what, I’m just going to let the clip speak for itself here.

[cut]

/okay this clip isn’t explained but honestly just go watch the whole of 2017 All Stars because it’s all on youtube and it’s the most perfect beautiful game of hockey you will ever see and you will immediately understand when you see Shane and Ilya on the same line.

No seriously go watch it./

It is wild that Ilya Rozanov kissed Shane Hollander on the face on live TV and that was somehow the least holy-shit-they-are-soulmates thing to happen in this hockey game.

Now I’ve lost count of how many Hollanov moments this all counts as, but honestly the way the total donations bar is going up is so far beyond any of my wildest expectations for this that I’m just gonna keep talking if you all keep donating and I’m sure it’ll all come out in the wash somewhere.

User QuebecQueer says ‘wasn’t this the year of the Skip kiss?’ Yes my friend it absolutely was. Scott Hunter came out and won the cup like three months after this All Star game – he was also on Hollanov’s team for the All Star game.

User Metros4daWin says ‘Can you be less parasocial and RPF-y about this, RPF is super weird’ look I’m sorry that the RPF livestream run by notorious RPF writer and podcaster holla_nova is a little too RPF-y for you but I think you might be the one in the wrong place here.

Is it possible to do a three hour long livestream to celebrate two hockey legends being caught making out by raising money for their charity that may or may not also be a cover to let them see each other in public in a non RPF-y way?

And with that we are over 10k, I have Karanite here ready to jump on and run the fandom auction so I am going to log off for thirty minutes to eat some breakfast and text a thousand people back. Do not go anywhere, we have been working through the years of Hollanov breadcrumbs but I promise when I get back we will start hitting the all you can eat buffet.

I love you #kisscampaign #loveislove #IrinaFoundation.

/The live auction is done and dusted now, but the footage is archived on Karanite’s tumblr plus the sign ups for the next round!/

Hello yes I am back! [introduction cut] Truly honestly from the bottom of my heart thank you to everyone who is here and listening, to everyone who took part in the auction. The campaign is over 30k, people have sent me screenshots of our little fundraiser going viral on twitter. I think it’s being found by people with no idea who we are or why we’re doing it but honestly RPF fans or not if they’re donating in support of Ilya and Shane and of queer athletes then I don’t care.

I have seen a few comments on that, saying that supporting two hot gay men isn’t a big whoop for the queer community. Look, the Irina foundation has Max Riley – a trans player – and his wife Leah on as coaches. Also Ryan Price who left the MLH due to homophobia but has said he’s glad for the opportunity to keep playing hockey. Ilya and the Centaurs were wildly supportive of Troy Barrett coming out recently in one of the most enthusiastic pride nights in years.

And the Irina foundation has donated to a number of charities for queer mental health including the Trevor Project and BAGLY. So regardless of Shane and Ilya, this is a fundraiser that supports queer people.

User Puckbear says ‘you owe us about two hundred Hollanov moments’ which honestly yes, fair, I don’t know what the donations to fun facts exchange rate is anymore but I am absolutely back and will keep talking to all eight thousand or so of you for… well, at least another hour because I do have a day job but I have started texting some people so I think we’ll be able to keep this going even if we don’t get a statement by then.

Although – it’s like 5am in Canada now. I imagine someone is busting down Shane Hollander’s door.

So we’re in 2017. Shane and Ilya have just played the soulmatiest All Stars game ever to darken the ice of Florida. The internet is abuzz with commentary about how insane it would be if they were ever on the same team for real, but they both go back to their respective teams. The next Boston Montreal game is normal again – by which I mean hockey on a level no one else could ever hope to achieve but normal for Hollanov.

Ilya’s father passes away during this period. I’m not going to comment on that much because losing a parent is always hard and terrible, but Ilya misses games to go back to Russia for the funeral. And this isn’t fully confirmed because rich people have ways and means to move around unobserved, but as far as anyone can tell this is the last time Ilya returns to Russia.

In April he’s back, it’s Boston at Montreal and Shane Hollander takes a – perfectly legal – hit from Marleau. The hit isn’t the interesting part and neither is the fight that breaks out after it – unless you’re a Shayden shipper because we love to see Hayden defending his man – but I’m going to share the clip and although the camera isn’t focused on him I need you to watch Rozanov.

[cut]

That is not rival captain gloating over a good hit. It’s not rival player concerned about losing competition. Ilya looks genuinely shaken, like somebody he cares about deeply is hurt. The linesman has to keep telling him to go back to his bench. There is a lot of fic about how it would feel, in that moment, to watch someone you love go down and not be able to go after them.

I know, this one is also kind of a downer. I promise Shane was okay, broken collarbone and out for the rest of the season but he’s fine now. We know Ilya visited him in the hospital, not entirely unheard of for a rival captain and good sportsmanship. The first public hint that the rivalry wasn’t as kill-or-be-killed as everyone previously assumed.

Anyway I’m not going to play that clip again, but since we’re reaching the end of the 2017 season I am going to play a different unrelated clip because this is my livestream and I do what I want. Shane was out for the rest of this season, Boston got knocked out in the first round of the playoffs, which means Scott Hunter and the Admirals took the 2017 Stanley cup and you know what happened next

[cut]

I never get tired of watching that.

[cut]

[cut]

Okay, enough, it’s on youtube.

… one more.

[cut]

I can’t even be mad about the Skippers in the chat. Hi guys, look at that we’re all on the same team after all! Newyorker79 says come back to me when your otp is kissing on centre ice and you know what 79, I really hope one day we’ll see that happen.

There are rumours that Ilya was seen talking to Scott Hunter at the MLH awards that season. He then was not seen in Russia over the summer. Normally the facebook groups would get an influx of Russian models from Rozanov hitting the Moscow club scene, but zip. Nada.

The facebook groups slowed down a lot after March 2017 in general. Which could be nothing, maybe Ilya’s father’s death was a wake-up call to find a proper woman and stop fucking around so much. Or…

Oh hey, user Hottie4Hottie says: I am in one of these groups! We have a 3 question entrance exam to weed out the fakers and we haven’t had a new entrant pass since early 2017.

Oh my god that’s amazing, now I really want to know the questions. Also does that mean… I guess I should respect your privacy or something so I’m not going to ask if you actually slept with Ilya Rozanov. Where do you live? Was it in season? No, we’re not asking. The timeline rolls on, the 2018 season had some amazing -

Oh wait they’ve uploaded a voicenote. I’ve mostly been avoiding these because I don’t know how to vet them without just… playing them out loud. But I’m dying of curiosity here so I’m just going to assume it existing means you’re okay with me sharing it with all…11718 of our closest friends here.

Hey this is Hottie. I lived in Nashville in 2015, we hooked up a few times when he was in town for games. Total fuckboy in the club and when he was shooing me out of his hotel room without so much as a shower, but the actual sex was fucking great. Ate me out, made me come like 4 times, checked in with me the whole time. Best hockey player I’ve ever had.

And good taste too, all the girls in the facebook group are like grade A hotties but also lovely people. I’ve been to three of their weddings. So, thanks Ilya! Good to know you’re still bagging 10s.

This is the greatest thing that has ever happened on my podcast. You know what, send me a message. Can we do an interview? A group interview? Is that weird? Also best hockey player you’ve had do I want to ask? (I do, I do want to ask. Please don’t tell me.)

Okay one final question though, do you have any members from Montreal? Just… I have to. Is this intrusive? I guess maybe if you want to keep your sex life private you shouldn’t fuck enough girls to form a facebook group.

Ha ha, I had to check and you’re going to love this. We’ve got a girl from basically every city with a hockey team with the exception of… [drumroll]… Montreal.

I guess Ilya really hates Metros fans. [wink]

This day truly just keeps getting better, even more so because we have received a – fucking hell – a ten thousand dollar donation from X-Squad-goalie. Um, holy shit whoever you are, I don’t know if you’re listening to the stream – the donation is tagged #loveislove and #CaptainRozanov so i guess an Ottawa fan? – but that is… wow. Thank you.

It’s – I guess coming up on 7am now in Canada so maybe folks are waking up? We could get the Suspiciously Specific Denial Statement at any moment so let’s keep rolling this along while it lasts.

[cut]

The 2017/2018 season’s only big Hollanov news is the death of Ilya Rozanov, party prince. He still hits the clubs with his teammates sometimes, but as verified by our very own Hottie the Slut Era is at an end. Rumours abound about this, by the way. Fandom kicks off as it always does, it was a great year for Rozanov shippers. Marleau, Carmichael, St Simon, Hunter, Vaughny, JJ got a look in, obviously Hollander. Everyone wanted their ship to be the one that locked Roz down. The Boston players were the big ships, helped by the fact that Boston were on a tear of excellent hockey. Ilya was playing like a demon, the money was on Boston for the cup, Rozanov and Boston was going to be a legacy like Hollander in Montreal.

And then word started to leak that Ilya hadn’t re-signed with Boston. Now for a player like Ilya, obviously the team wants to keep him, the fans love him, the team loves him, he’s fucking captain and first line center. His contract is coming up for renewal, the team offers him whatever it fucking takes to keep him because (a) they don’t want to lose him and (b) they really fucking don’t want any other team playing him against them.

But word on the street says that Ilya not only hasn’t re-signed, he’s planning to go into free agency and is open to offers. Which is fine I guess, it comes across as a little money-grabby, since Boston drafted him originally, there’s a lot of bitterness about lack of loyalty. People think he’s probably looking to go West. Party-boy Rozanov always loved LA and that team has a lot of cap space and rumours of making a big cup run. Similar vibes in San Francisco. Maybe Vancouver.

Rozanov wins the cup with Boston. Everyone takes a deep breath, because obviously now he’ll re-sign. Obviously Boston will make an offer he can’t refuse. Or he’s a moneygrabbing cup-hungry monster who goes to L.A. for 12million and we can all righteously shun him for being a sell-out.

So we go into free agency, everyone taking their bets on these two options. Rozanov clearly wants more money and more cups. LA offers the 12. The Raiders figure out a way to shuffle off some expensive contracts to offer 11.5. Practically every team in the league comes out with some kind of offer because players like Ilya Rozanov do not go to free fucking agency.

And then.

AND THEN.

Ilya Rozanov signs to Ottawa for ten million.

Ottawa is a little bureaucrat city in Ontario. It has museums, and dog parks, and government workers. Their team, the Centaurs, have only existed for about 20 years. They have never won the cup and have not even made playoffs in the last 5 years. Despite back to back first draft picks, they are nowhere near another playoffs run. Ilya gives them strength in centre but no depth, and they have no strength anywhere else.

The one and only thing Ottawa is considered good for, by pretty much anyone, is that it is not too far away from Montreal.

And who lives in Montreal?

Here’s the thing, Boston to Montreal is objectively not that long a drive by American standards. By european standards it’s 6 hours and that’s insane but I know you guys are fine with that. However you have to cross a border. You have to stop for fuel. You have to be seen multiple times on the drive from one to the other.

But you could drive from Ottawa to Montreal in two hours. There and back on a single tank if you’re careful. Say, after playing a hockey game. You could get straight in the car and be there by midnight, back in Ottawa the next day for 11am practice. If you wanted to be closer to someone in Montreal and you wanted to play hockey and you couldn’t sign with the Metros.

Well.

/I did a bunch of clips here from the Boston cup party, Ilya’s final interview with the Raiders, and his first interview as a Centaur. Plus social media stuff. Then a compilation of clips from interviews in his first Centaurs season where you have to watch him grit his teeth after losing game after game. Basically he gives a lot of non-answers, almost from the Shane Hollander School of Hockey Press. I’ll link to all the clips in the shownotes if you want to check them out./

I think it will be fun, he keeps saying. Here’s the thing though if you watch that compilation you can practically see the light draining from his eyes as the games go on. The Raiders were first round drafters when he joined them, sure, but at this point Ilya Rozanov has not played for a bad hockey team in eight years. I think perhaps he underestimated how much constantly losing would suck.

The only highlight for Ilya in this period is… [drumroll] the Irina Foundation. Started with his close personal friend Shane Hollander and this is the first time we get to officially see them downplay the rivals narrative. Got to hand it to them, using it as a big PR move of look this cause is more important than our petty infighting was a huge sell. The press conference was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

And, hey, now they have an excuse to be seen together. And Ilya lives close by. And they still get to play each other regularly, although I guess it’s probably less fun for Shane now he doesn’t actually have to beat Ilya since he can just skate right past Tanner Dillon who won’t even notice he’s there.

Hang on, okay. It’s 7:30am in Canada and we have our first official statement. Not from either of the boys, and not that ESPN tweet that I’m avoiding the comments on.

God. Okay. The official twitter account for the MLH has put out a tweet that says: we have been made aware of accusations of misconduct against two players in our league. Rest assured we will be looking into this and a full investigation will be made.

I hate this.

I really fucking… it’s not fair.

It wasn’t a game, it wasn’t a league event, it’s not misconduct it’s two people getting fucking outed against their will by fucking accident.

Don’t read the comments gang. Just… just don’t. I need you all to get on twitter instead, use the hashtags, link the campaign, we need to be louder okay we need to be louder and prouder and we need them to know that love is love and it’s not wrong that they chose to hide it, it’s only wrong if they felt they had to.

[cut introductions]

I’m so proud of you all okay. For donating, for coming with me on this journey, for sharing so widely that we have fifteen thousand people listening and a hashtag trending. The chat is going too fast for me to keep up, thanks to Loonie_tatts and Bood_ilicious for stepping in to do some moderating.

We talked earlier about mic’d up games, we saw that clip of Shane when he was stressed but to celebrate fifty thousand fucking dollars and to say fuck you to the MLH I’m going to show you some of my favourite clips of mic’d up Hollanov.

[cut montage]

Do those sound like the chirps of people who would even consider throwing a game? Jesus, people are idiots. If they are together, if they are in love, I think it’s beautiful that smashing each other into the boards and stealing each other’s signature moves is how they show it.

And speaking of mic’d moments and big clues, this one from the 19/20 season caused the fandom to lose our minds when it happened. This was after the first round of Irina foundation summer camps – where Ilya and Shane and all their hockey friends including many queer players got together in Canada to teach kids hockey – so Hollanov were being a little more public about their friendship.

Which still doesn’t quite explain

[cut]

So we’re going into the face-off, the first face-off of the game I might add. Hollander vs Rozanov, a classic for a reason. Ilya has the hot mic and you see him tap it as they skate up, as though he needs Shane to know for some reason.

And Shane says ‘готов проиграть?’

Which means, like, ‘are you ready to lose?’ but not in French. In Russian.

Ilya lost this face-off, in case you didn’t notice that. In fact he didn’t even move until Hollander was halfway down the ice. Staring after him like his entire brain has fallen down to his dick. Or something.

And their next face-off, two shifts and ten minutes later we get:

[cut]

‘ты что-то скрываешь от меня, солнышко.’ The fandom went insane over this one by the way which is why I know it, I do not speak Russian as evidenced by my heavily butchered pronunciation.

Which means ‘You have been keeping secrets from me, Sunshine.’

Ughhhh.

Hang on I’ve had a message from Moscow_Mule telling me to play her voicenote so okay hi Moz, sorry for butchering your native tongue.

Hi, this is Moz! Shane says ‘готов проиграть?’ and Ilya says: ‘ты что-то скрываешь от меня, солнышко.’ Only because your pronunciation is terrible. But otherwise this has been great! I have donated $50, thank you for what you’re doing!

There you go, ‘ты что-то скрываешь от меня.’ The nickname is also cute, this one gets a lot of play in fanfic солнышко purely on the strength of this moment. My personal favourite for that trope is optimuspike’s I’ll Believe in Anything which is truly beautiful.

And the very next Boston Montreal game Shane gets mic’d which leads to another cute language moment, this one much more in my wheelhouse:

[cut]

Again, the two of them in the face-off but this time it’s Ilya’s turn, he says Tu veux jouer à ça, mon canard? Which is something like ‘two can play at that game, darling.’

I’m going to run the clip again because I love Shane’s little laugh after it. He just sounds so happy, and it’s so rare to hear Shane having an outward emotion I get very attached.

[cut]

[cut]

So Shane says, D’où ça vient ça? Which is like ‘where is this coming from’. And Ilya replies… De ta mère, which is basically ‘from your mother’ and Shane laughs again and loses the face-off. And if it wasn’t for that, it would be a normal your mom joke, right? Ilya does them all the time, at least during the playboy years because there was always that slight chance that Ilya Rozanov had actually fucked your mother.

But.

Here’s the thing.

At this point in time Ilya does know Shane’s mum – Yuna Hollander, she’s not officially Shane’s manager or publicist but she sure does seem to get him a lot of brand deals and also she works with the Irina foundation. She also lives in Ottawa. We mentioned… some hours ago now… that Shane’s dad, David Hollander, once went to one of Ilya’s hockey games.

And the ‘darling’ in that quote is not actually the word darling. It’s ‘mon canard’ which literally means ‘my duck’. Here in france that’s a very common term of endearment so no big deal BUT as the Canadian fans like to remind us it is not common in Quebecois which in fact makes it a very specific term of endearment.

Anyway here’s a compilation of clips catching Yuna calling Shane mon canard for absolutely no reason at all.

[cut]

So yes. Let’s all take a moment to imagine Ilya going to his mother-in-law’s house to ask her to teach him enough French to chirp her son, aka his rival and longterm boyfriend. Let’s just… sit with that… for a moment.

And Shane looks so happy about it.

Ugh, i hope they’re happy. I hope his parents know and their friends know and they’ve had this huge loving support system behind them this whole time that’s kept their secret. I hope they have that.

So Ilya’s in Ottawa, Shane is learning Russian, they both run a charity together. It’s funny the fic actually drops off a little over this period, the competitive angle and the enemies-to-lovers just isn’t there anymore so a lot of folks move off to start writing Barrent or Chisko. When I say RPF isn’t about whether the actual real people are together it’s about interesting dynamics to play off and write about, that’s a good example of what I mean.

Which definitely isn’t to say Hollanov isn’t still a top ship, it absolutely is but a lot of the fics get calmer. There’s a lot of Ilya hanging out at the Kingfisher with Hunter and Bennett, there was a big surge of Baranov when Troy Barrett came out – although Barrett is kind of hilariously dating the Cen’s social media manager?

His name is Harris, he’s cute in a like wholesome farmer kind of way, absolutely polar opposite of hockey’s favorite stud Troy Barrett which – sidebar – why are all the hottest hockey players the gay ones?

Sorry I’m getting distracted. Also I have snoozed my alarm about eighteen times but I do have a work shift coming up, it’s like 8am in Canada I honestly thought Yuna Hollander would have shut us all down like three hours ago.

The campaign total has passed 75 thousand and I genuinely think we might make it to a hundred grand. You guys. We’re getting some big numbers from anonymous donors, names I can’t see on the chatlist. I think this is thanks to you all sharing on twitter, someone sent me a link that Cliff Marleau retweeted the campaign link which is… okay. God I hope no actual hockey players are listening to this livestream.

Haasnt-a-clue donated five thousand dollars. Anonymous donated ten. #Kiss_campaign is number three on trending hashtags, fucking hell you guys.

When the Centaurs are knocked out in 2020 before the playoffs – this is still before Barrett and Hayes transferred in – Ilya gets Canadian citizenship and a loon tattoo.

Now there’s been a rumour for years that Ilya has a bear tattoo somewhere on his body. Players are constantly alluding to it, it’s a running joke. Ilya doesn’t do as many underwear campaigns as Shane Hollander but he has done some so if the tattoo exists, there are not a lot of places for him to hide it, if you get what I’m saying.

But when he’s asked he never denies it, he just says yes, for Russia, so people said the loon was probably for Canada, right? A big beautiful Canadian duck on his arm to celebrate getting citizenship.

When has Ilya seen a loon? No one asks. Ilya grew up in cities, in America and in Canada he’s always lived in cities. There have been many documentaries about his luxury batchelor-pad-style slick houses, the massive garages for his multitude of expensive sports cars. Not a lot of duck ponds.

But do you know where there are many loons? Shane Hollander’s gorgeous cottage on a private lake in the Canadian wilderness. Do you know where Ilya disappears to for several weeks every summer? No, neither does anyone else because no one ever sees him.

A bear for Russia. A gold necklace for his mother. A loon for Shane Hollander?

I’m just saying, this is a man who likes to put the things he loves on show.

As for the current season – yes, we are still mid-season! Montreal and Boston both have hockey games tomorrow.

The last few months have been a bit of a whirlwind although less Hollanov and more just hockey. The Centaurs’ plane had an engine fire and had to make an emergency landing and apparently this was what made them realise you only have one life to go out and win the Stanley Cup in because they’ve suddenly all remembered how to play fucking hockey and gone on a killer winning streak that might actually put them in the playoffs.

Also Troy Barrett formerly of Toronto, formerly a friend of [ugh] Dallas Kent, comes out in time for Ottawa pride night. It’s a beautiful night in which Ilya punches Kent in the face for the benefit of all of us who would dearly love to. So now we have two openly queer hockey players on good teams, and the Centaurs go all out in support of Barrett. I have a clip, we’ll probably run it a few times but on at least one of them keep your eyes on Ilya –

[cut]

He looks so proud but also am I crazy to say a little sad? Like as if he’s seeing all this love and support for queer hockey players when he himself cannot stand up and say yes that’s me.

And to the people in the chat saying there’s no reason he can’t come out, or that Hollander’s probably forced him into the closet firstly fuck you. Secondly, if you leave our little kiss-campaign bubble and head out into twitter at large I promise you’re going to see a lot of opinions that aren’t oh isn’t that cute/hot/nice for them. That fucking MLH ‘we’re going to investigate the allegations’ tweet has a hundred thousand likes already. Commenters saying there’s no place for that ‘gay shit’ in hockey. Saying worse than that. Accusing them of throwing games, accusing Shane Hollander of throwing hockey games for his boyfriend.

This isn’t a joke. It isn’t a fic or a headcanon. This video is real and it could ruin their lives and when they come on and deny it we are going to join up as one and go oh yes of course it was a prank, definitely looks like a prank kind of kiss I do that with my bros all the time, ha ha ha and maybe one day Ilya Rozanov will kiss Shane Hollander on centre ice but they will only get to do that if they stay on the ice for a really long time so let’s do our best to keep them there.

Fuck.

Okay. Okay. Look it’s 8am in Canada, I don’t know when this statement is coming and I can’t keep talking forever but I do want to keep the livestream going and I definitely want us to keep raising money if we want to make a mark and be louder than the hate I think the ninety thousand dollars we’ve already raised is really going to make noise but let’s see if we can keep pushing it higher.

So I need to take a break, but I’ve been talking to my friend BlindZebra who runs the RPF ficrecs podcast Real Person Favourites and she has agreed to tag in on the hour. She’s sent me a voicenote to introduce herself so hopefully this hypes you up for many more hours of raising money to say fuck the haters.

Hiiii PER chat! I’m BlindZebra and I have been reading Hollanov fic since 2010. My favourite fic is Ludacious’s post-All Stars 2017 fic where Shane realises he’s in love and follows Ilya to Russia because he thinks Ilya won’t come back. My favourite real Hollanov moment used to be the Irina foundation launch where Ilya is staring at Shane like he’s hung the moon, but after four hours of this livestream I think it is now ‘you’ve been keeping secrets from me sunshine’ because how the heck did I not know about that??

For my livestream segment I’ll continue doing Hollanov moments on the milestones because I think Holla is great but she for sure missed some. I’ll also be sharing my favourite fic recs, and I’m co-ordinating some podficcer friends to do a live read of One Missed Call, aka everyone’s favourite grouptext fic.

I hope you’ll all stick around, it’s going to keep being a lot of fun! We all love Holla but she’s been going for a long time now so let’s give her a break and keep up the momentum on the donations okay!

I know, I know you’ll miss me but BZ is fantastic and knows as much about Hollanov as I could ever hope to, plus she’s talking to Cens_and_censibility who is actually from Ottawa so we might be able to get them to do a walking tour of some of the sights there now it’s after sunrise.

I promise you are all in the best of hands and I will absolutely be lurking in the chat but I was not built to talk solo for five hours and I feel like I am actually dying.

The chat is saying one more question. One more question! I’m not a concert show but fine. Fine! One more. I’m gonna pick at random from the voicenotes in 3…2…1

Hi this is pucketlist! My question is we’ve seen moments from ten years of their lives. But when do you think they stopped being enemies and got together?

Oh man.

Look, the thing about RPF is you don’t actually know these people. There has to be a line. You can watch the footage, share the pictures, you can theorise and write your stories but it’s not like writing for a canon. There’s no authorial intent, there’s no hints or narrative structure. I can point to clues as far back as Prospects but I’m looking for cute moments I can build headcanons and write fic around, I’m not trying to say this is evidence for a real relationship.

I think a lot of people will say All Stars 2017. It’s the first time we see them play together, the first time they really seem to gel – at least publicly. And after that we have Shane going down on the ice, Ilya leaving Russia for good then transferring to Ottawa. It seems like the catalyst to a lot of bigger moments that lead us to today and this video.

But.

I don’t know.

I think there’s a world where they were together before Rose. I think there’s a world where Rose happened because they were together. Where Rose was a last attempt at fitting into what the world wants Shane Hollander to be. I think there’s a world where Ilya’s fuckboy era having a gap in applicants from Montreal means something.

I’m not going to speculate on when they were having sex, or when it became a relationship. But you asked what I think and I think they have never been rivals off the ice. I think they have been friends – or at least friendly – since Prospects, and they have tried to hide it so the network could push this big rivals narrative.

I don’t think they were ever enemies at all.

You guys I was meant to leave half an hour ago, BlindZebra is here waiting in the wings to take over seriously I know you don’t want me to go but my throat is dying and I do, technically, have a day job I need to get –

Hang on, I’m being told by the chat that I absolutely need to check twitter right the fuck now. Give me a second to refresh I’m –

Oh.

Oh fuck oh.

For those of you who can’t look for whatever reason I’ll…

@IlyaRozanov81 says: ‘Sometimes when the worst happens you think the world will be against you. But it is good to know that our true fans will always support us, and support what is right.’

Hashtag Love is Love. Hashtag Kiss Campaign. With a link to the PER_KissCampaign Give page.

Holy shit.

Oh my god I just checked the Givegivegive page. A new donation, from @2481 of one hundred thousand dollars, and a photo. Of them kissing. Shirtless.

I guess I owe the Irina Foundation a hundred euros.

I don’t… know what to say about this.

No, actually I do. I have been talking to you for hours now waiting for these men to make a cheap, PR statement that would undermine their relationship, the truth, and reinforce the narrative that it’s too hard to be queer in hockey. I was willing to support that, because I want them to be happy in whatever way they think is best for them.

But I am so, so proud and glad to have been part of something that proved that no, actually, it’s not too hard. There are people who will support you. We will cheer for Scott Hunter pulling Kip onto the ice, we will ransack Ottawa for rainbow flags to support Troy Barrett and we will raise a hundred thousand dollars for mental health support to tell Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov that they’re not alone. That the community is, and always will be, on their side.

The haters want us to feel weak. They want us to question these players integrity and their skills like they aren’t the two greatest and most competitive players of all time. Like the women’s game hasn’t had married couples playing against each other for years with none of these ‘conflicts of interest.’

The haters are loud and they are angry but what today has shown me is that there are more of us. We who choose to be loving, who choose to be giving and generous and to prop each other up. They think that makes us weak, that it makes us feeble, but what it means is that we help each other and when we fight we fight together and there are more of us than there are of them.

And they should be so fucking scared.

Because love wins, my friends. In the end, love always wins.

This is Holla_nova of Patins et Rondelle, passing the torch. Thank you. Merci. A bientôt.