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Not Letting Little Kids Watch Adult Shows

Summary:

Ivy is a villain but she isn’t evil, so instead of pheromones she blasts Tim, and perhaps others, with pollen that makes him regress.

Notes:

This is a redo of a fic I did!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

    Ivy may be a villain, but she isn’t evil. She knows that giving Tim an aphrodisiac would be violating a very serious boundary, especially since the kid is only seventeen. She literally only uses her pheromones on the main three unless she finds some other asshole(s) who deserve(s) to get blasted in the face with pollen, and even then she doesn’t use them as a first response. So, she gave Tim something else instead.

    Tim wanders home being not as careful as he usually is and perhaps getting caught on a camera or two, but he doesn’t have the energy to be bothered about it right now. When he gets home he finds Dick cooking, which makes him wince. It’s not like Dick is a shitty cook or anything, it’s just that Tim never enjoys any of the food that his older brother makes.

    Dick notices him and turns around with a slight smile. “You know no costumes are allowed in the manor, right?” he teases. “Get changed before Bruce sees you and…are you okay?”

    Tim responds by mumbling, “I ‘unno.” Dick immediately becomes alarmed and begins looking Tim over, so Tim tries assuring Dick, “Was Ivy. Ivy isn’t that mean to try to kill me…I hope.”

    Dick frowns, easing up a little bit but still very clearly on edge. That’s when Jason storms in, clearly not having showered yet and looking pissed. Jason looks at the French toast that Dick is attempting to make, though it really doesn’t look all that good, and picks up a piece straight from the pan and begins eating it. Duck immediately cringes, but he’s too busy worrying over Tim to tell Jason that he’s being disgusting by eating with a sweaty hand.

    Dick holds onto Tim, rubbing his arms like a mom would, and tells Jason with a serious tone in his voice, “Tim isn’t doing so good. He got into a fight with Ivy and I think his speech is off.” Tim makes a quiet sound akin to an unhappy whine and slightly pouts as he takes his arm away from Dick. Jason’s eyes go wide with realization, and for a moment all he can say is, “Oh.”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“I think that’s just Ivy’s…you know.”

“I don’t know.”

    Jason, shockingly considerate today, lowers his voice so as to not upset Tim and whispers, “Her ‘regression pollen.’ I mean, that’s what I call it. It’s harmless and only last a couple hours.” Dick’s lips press into a firm line, clearly unhappy.

“Are you positive that’s what this is?”

Jason shrugs. “Go do tests if you don’t believe me.”

“Is he, like…a baby or…?”

“Nah. When I got hit with it-”

“You’ve been hit with this before?”

“I’ve said too much.”

Jason makes a quick exit.

    Dick ends up not doing the testing on Tim because he knows how invasive it can feel and the poor kid has already suffered enough, but he does keep a close eye on Tim as the boy goes to stare aimlessly at the TV before speaking up, “‘Dexter.’”

    Without hesitation, Grayson shuts him down, “No.” He thinks he may have been too harsh then when Tim gives him the saddest look ever and Dick’s face instantly eases up. Duck explains, “Look, I’m not sure I can handle parenting today, but I’m sure Alfred can think of something.”

    Tim considers the offer before remembering that he absolutely loves Alfred and agreeing with a head nod, “Okay.”

 

‿̩͙⊱༒︎༻☾༺༒︎⊰‿̩͙

 

    Bruce comes home to Alfred watching Tim rolling around on the floor. Alfred had fortunately convinced Tim to get dressed and take a shower fairly easily. Bruce was also out of his suit now and his dark eyeshadow washed off.

    “What’s happening?” Bruce asks, straight to the point. Calmly, Alfred answers his son, “Ivy made him, as Damian called it, ‘all goopy,’ Master Bruce.” Bruce stands still for a moment as he observes Tim’s behavior. Knowing that he’s worried, Alfred speaks, “I assure you that he is fine, just mentally younger.”

    Tim stops his rolling to glare at Alfred, to which Alfred informs him, “Your glares do not intimidate me, Master Tim, for I raised The Batman.”

    Bruce crouches down, offering a hand to Tim, which Tim immediately takes and then uses to pull himself into Bruce so he can hug his dad. Bruce is surprised and doesn’t move for a moment before resting his arms around Tim. Bruce comments, “I see that you’ve had an eventful day. Want to tell me about it?”

“No. Wanna watch ‘Dexter.’”

“‘Dexter?’ Since when do you want to watch that?”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Still no. But we can watch-”

“‘Hazbin Hotel?’”

Absolutely not. I would rather get beaten up by street thugs.”

    Bruce encourages Tim to come move with him to sit on the couch alongside Alfred, which Tim does. Seemingly at random, the boy begins info dumping about a bunch of hacking techniques. Every so often Bruce will say, “I didn’t think of that.” or “You’re smart to have picked that up.”

    After a while, Alfred stands up. “I do believe that it is time for bed,” he says. Innocently, Tim asks, “Bed with me?” Alfred smiles, his heart warming.

“I’m not sure about that, but I’ll see what I can do for you.”

    Alfred ends up allowing Tim to sleep in his bed as he wishes Bruce the best night’s sleep.

Notes:

I take suggestions if anybody wants to see anybody else! :}

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