Chapter Text
Night was slowly settling over the photo studio. Outside, the sky had turned into a deep shade of blue, and the first stars were beginning to appear. It had been a long day for both men, especially for Cheng Xiaoshi.
He laid on the sunroom sofa after a long and exhausting mission.
” Well, I'm beat, we should head upstairs”
” Are you alright?”
Cheng Xiaoshi flinched, he hadn't been expecting that question.
” Of course, I am, why wouldn’t I be?”
” It's just…that mission was kind of harsh don't you think?”
” Nah. It wasn't all that bad” Cheng xiaoshi said, of course he was lying. It was bad, but he couldn't let Lu Guang know he was that weak.
” You’re lying, i can tell” Lu Guang said with a stern expression.
” Am not! Can we just go to bed already it is getting late?”
Lu Guang decided not to press on and just let it go. Hed find out eventually if something is bothering him.
” Fine” Lu Guang got up and grabbed Cheng Xiaoshi by the hand and dragged them to the bedroom.
They stepped into the bedroom, the house was quiet as ever.
“Long day huh,” Cheng Xiaoshi murmured, rubbing his eyes.
Lu Guang hummed in response as he climbed over to his bed.
Cheng xiaoshi settled on his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.
“Goodnight Lu Guang”
“Goodnight Cheng Xiaoshi”
Within minutes, their breathing slowed, and the room fell still.
Cheng xiaoshi woke in cold sweat and breathing heavily, his face was all damp and tears still running from his temples.
” Another nightmare” He signed hoping he hadn't woken Lu Guang up.
His parents were in it like always, telling him how he was a disappointment, and no one really wanted him around, and they left him just like that. Though this time Lu Guang and Qiao ling were in it too, they had muttered word like” No wonder you don't have any friends” and” I can't believe I actually wanted to stay here with you”
He knew it wasn't real, he knew they would never say such things, but it still hurt, it stung like crazy and he was losing his mind.
He rushed to the bathroom and looked himself in the mirror” God I'm pathetic” his hair was all messy, eyes wet and nose running.
He splashed some water on his face from the sink and slid to the floor face in his hands.
The pain was unbearable, he felt like shit. Even his own parents thought he was worth leaving behind.
Then an idea came spiralling into his head. The bathroom cabinet. He sure hadn't done it in a while, he hadn't done it since Lu Guang moved in but his arms and thighs itched like crazy, he couldn't resist.
He opened the cabinet above the sink and there was an old razor blade. He stared at it for a while before he took it. He raised his sleeves and began hovering the blade above his forearms.
He shouldn't do this, he really shouldn't. He knew Qiao ling and Lu Guang loved him, but he was craving the pain.
Finally, he pressed down and slid the blade. Blood came running out quickly. Then he pressed down again and sliced again, then again and again until both of his forearms were covered in cuts and a lot of blood.
The relief was amazing, he could finally relax.” Shit’ he muttered, the blood had gone everywhere. He quickly cleaned his wounds under the tap and bandaged them with a first-aid kit that was hiding under the sink.
He must’ve woken Lu Guang up because he heard knocking from the bathroom door.
” Cheng xiaoshi, are you in there? Is everything okay?”
” Fuck me” He thought, how was he going to clean up all the blood on the floor before Lu Guang finds out.
” Yeah, I'm fine just give me a sec”
He began scrambling around looking for anything to clean the mess. Finally, he found some paper towel and cleaned up before exiting the bathroom.
” Cheng xiaoshi, why are you still awake at this hour? What’s wrong?”
”Nothing's wrong, i just went to the bathroom”
”Right. And you spent 40 minutes in there?”
” I…I just had to…can't a man have his bathroom time, why are you even timing me!?”
” Who spends 40 minutes in the bathroom at night, and i just wanted to use it”
” Well it’s free now so go ahead”
Cheng xiaoshi started heading to the bedroom.
” Cheng Xiaoshi wait!”
He caught him by the arm and Cheng Xiaoshi flinched. He quickly shook Lu guang away and ran straight to bed. Lu Guang followed not long after.
”Cheng xiaoshi! Tell me whats going on!”
”I’m just tired okay” which wasnt technically a lie, he was tired, both mentally and physically.
”Can we talk about this some other day im kinda tired and want to go to sleep”
”Okay fine, but dont you think im forgetting about this” Lu Guang said has he turned back and headed to the bathroom.
”Thank you”
He fell asleep soon after.
Morning came far too quickly.
Cheng Xiaoshi woke to sunlight across his face. He groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.
He almost forgot about last night but then everything came rushing back. His stomach twisted.
“Great,” he muttered into the pillow. “Just great.”
He forced himself out of bed and shuffled toward the kitchen, trying his best to look normal, making sure his bandages weren't seen.
Lu Guang was already there, of course he was.
He sat at the sofa with a cup of tea in one hand, calmly reading a book.
Cheng Xiaoshi stopped halfway through the stairs.
“Morning.”
Lu Guang looked up.
“Morning.”
Cheng Xiaoshi walked over to the counter and started making himself breakfast. He only made an egg sandwich since they didn't really have anything else to eat and sat down next to Lu Guang on the couch.
He could feel Lu Guangs eyes on him.
Lu Guang set his book down and finally spoke.
“So tell me what happened last night.”
Cheng Xiaoshi stared at him.
“I told you. I went to the bathroom.”
“For forty minutes.”
“Yes.”
“At two in the morning.”
“Yes.”
“And when I tried to stop you, you flinched.”
Cheng Xiaoshi looked away avoiding eye contact.
“I was just startled, that's all”
Lu Guang was silent for a moment.
Then he asked,
“Cheng Xiaoshi, are you hurt?”
That made him freeze.
“No.”
The answer far came too quickly.
“Let me see.”
“There’s nothing to see.”
“Cheng Xiaoshi.”
“I said I’m fine!”
His voice came out louder than he intended.
Cheng Xiaoshi immediately regretted it.
He lowered his head.
“…Sorry.”
Lu Guang stared at him for a few seconds.
He could tell Cheng Xiaoshi was trying not to look at him.
Before Lu Guang could say anything else, Cheng Xiaoshi suddenly stood.
“I—I’m just tired.”
“Cheng Xiaoshi—”
“I said I’m fine.”
He didn’t wait for a response.
He hurried toward the stairs, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.
“Cheng Xiaoshi.”
“I’m going back to sleep!”
His footsteps echoed up the stairs.
A moment later, the bedroom door slammed shut.
The apartment fell silent.
Lu Guang remained on the couch, his eyes fixed on the staircase.
Something was wrong.
Very wrong.
He had known Cheng Xiaoshi long enough to recognize when he was lying.
And that had been a lie
Lu Guang was stared at the staircase when the door slammed open.
A moment later, Qiao Ling stepped inside.
“Morning!”
She stopped when she saw Lu Guang’s expression.
“What happened? Where’s Cheng Xiaoshi?”
“He’s acting strange.”
“Strange how?”
“He went to the bathroom for forty minutes last night at two in the morning, and then he freaked out when I questioned him.”
“He wouldn’t tell me why.”
Lu Guang looked toward the stairs.
“I asked if he was hurt. He said no.”
Qiao Ling sighed.
“That sounds like him.”
Lu Guang paused.
“He just ran upstairs.”
Qiao Ling looked at the staircase.
“Then let’s go check on him.”
Lu Guang nodded.
Lu Guang knocked gently on the bedroom door.
“Cheng Xiaoshi?”
There was no response.
Qiao Ling tried.
“Xiaoshi? Can we come in?”
A few seconds passed.
Then they heard a quiet,
“…Yeah.”
Lu Guang opened the door.
Cheng Xiaoshi was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head lowered.
He looked exhausted.
Qiao Ling immediately softened.
“Hey.”
Cheng Xiaoshi glanced at her, but didnt answer.
Lu Guang stayed near the doorway.
“We’re not here to interrogate you.”
Cheng Xiaoshi looked away.
“Sure looks like it”
Qiao Ling walked over and sat beside him. She gently bumped her shoulder against his.
“You don’t have to tell us everything. But you don’t have to deal with whatever this is by yourself either.”
Cheng Xiaoshi swallowed.
“I’ve just been feeling a little off lately.”
Lu Guang’s expression softened.
“How long?”
“I don’t know.”
“Cheng Xiaoshi.”
“A few days.”
Lu Guang waited.
Cheng Xiaoshi sighed.
“Maybe longer.”
“Why didn’t you tell us”
“I didn’t want to burden you.”
“You arent a burden Cheng Xiaoshi” Lu guang said.
Cheng Xiaoshi looked at him.
Lu Guang’s expression was calm.
“You never have been.”
For a moment, Cheng Xiaoshi looked like he might actually believe him.
Then Qiao Ling noticed something.
Her eyes dropped toward his hands.
There was a dark red stain on the cuff of his sleeve. She froze.
“Xiaoshi…”
Cheng Xiaoshi immediately pulled his arm toward himself.
“What?”
Qiao Ling pointed at his sleeve.
“What’s that?”
His face went pale, trying to hide his hands from their piercing eyes.
“Nothing.”
Lu Guang looked down.
He saw the blood.
“Cheng Xiaoshi.”
“It’s nothing.”
He quickly pulled his sleeve farther down.
Qiao Ling’s voice became gentle.
“Xiaoshi, you’re bleeding.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I said I’m fine!”
He suddenly stood.
Lu Guang took a step forward.
“Don’t.”
Cheng Xiaoshi backed away.
“Don’t come closer.”
“Xiaoshi—”
“Don’t!”
His breathing became faster.
Qiao Ling stood slowly.
“We’re not angry.”
“You saw it.”
Her expression softened.
“Yes.”
Cheng Xiaoshi stared at his sleeve.
His hands began to shake.
“You weren’t supposed to see it.”
Lu Guang’s eyes narrowed with concern.
“Cheng Xiaoshi, let me look at your arm.”
“No.”
“Just let me help.”
“No!”
Cheng Xiaoshi suddenly shoved past him.
Lu Guang stumbled back.
“Cheng Xiaoshi!”
He ran toward the stairs.
“Xiaoshi, wait!”
But Cheng Xiaoshi was already halfway down.
Qiao Ling rushed after him.
“Cheng Xiaoshi!”
He didn’t stop.
He grabbed his shoes near the front door and yanked it open.
“Wait!”
The door slammed behind him.
Lu Guang reached the entrance a second later.
He looked down the street.
Cheng Xiaoshi was already running.
Qiao Ling came up beside him, breathing heavily.
“We need to go after him before he does something stupid!” Lu guang stated.
“I’ll stay here if he comes back, go after him”
Lu Guang clenched his fists and nodded.
Outside, Cheng Xiaoshi ran faster.
His sleeve was still stained with blood.
He didn’t care.
All he could think about was getting away before they caught him.