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I
Lookout had always felt comfortable around people. He easily made conversation, effortlessly making even complete strangers laugh. He liked being among people, talking to them, even silence (though that happened quite rarely in Lookout's case) suited him just fine as long as he wasn't alone.
When Lookout first saw Grox in person, he was particularly restless. Ask anyone, and almost everyone would say they respect and admire Grox, many would give a lot just to interact with him. Grox was funny, outwardly very pleasant, and active in company, so when Lookout met him for the first time, he was surprised by how aloof, rather quiet, and almost apathetic Grox seemed among others. He had never spoken to Grox personally before, but his behaviour didn't match Lookout's personal image of the man at all.
Convinced that his absence wouldn't be too noticeable, Lookout left Reff, Slippery, and the others to have fun together at the central hub of their shared world, while he went off to find the one he had longed to meet for so long. A certain nervousness from the possible encounter ran in tiny goosebumps over Lookout's body, he unconsciously pulled his hat a little lower over his eyes so that the blue arrow almost covered them. Embarrassment at this uncharacteristic behaviour turned to irritation; the cigarette between his teeth was squeezed and slightly crumpled. "Bro, what the hell, it's just Grox."
Asking his friends and other acquaintances he came across would be damned awkward – Lookout had no desire for Slippery to remind him over the next few months how he had asked every living soul where "just one of the most famous and influential people he knows" was, because he certainly didn't want to exchange even two words with him and then think about it as his main victory in life for days. The thought of possible snickers from his friend made Lookout roll his eyes.
He had wandered far enough, around him were only trees, old village buildings, and some litter left by others. There wasn't a single soul around – he was so far from spawn that he couldn't hear any voices. He was about to turn back, shrugging that he hadn't managed to catch Grox today, when he casually decided to peek around the corner of an old wooden house – but unexpectedly he bumped straight into someone's solid shoulder.
"Oh!" Lookout gave a slight start and, raising his eyes, saw the very one he had been looking for. Grox stood before him so unexpectedly, just when Lookout was ready to admit defeat. "Hey, pal." Lookout could find an approach to anyone, and he didn't see Grox every day, maybe he'd never get another chance to talk to him while no one else was around.
Grox slowly turned his head towards Lookout, as if emerging from the stupor he had been in for the last hour. His black, deep eyes blinked a few times, and though Grox's eyes were an abyssal pitch darkness, Lookout was sure he was looking right at him.
"Hi," Grox quickly came to himself and turned fully to face Lookout, standing up straight, pushing off from the wall of the house.
"Bro, I've been looking for you everywhere! Why are you so far away?" Lookout, on the contrary, leaned his shoulder against the wall, standing opposite Grox. His face wore a satisfied expression – he was finally here.
It took Grox three seconds to process that he was now being spoken to by another living soul in the person of Lookout. He blinked again – once, twice – opened his mouth but made no sound, closed it again. And suddenly a chuckle came from his throat:
"You showed up so suddenly, I can't gather my thoughts," the dark head shook from side to side. "Sometimes I want to be alone."
"Oh, um, I can leave if you want," Lookout tried to hide a slight disappointment in his voice. He had never had the chance to talk to someone he had looked up to for a long time, before finally finding himself and his path – and now that the opportunity had come, it could slip away so easily.
"No, no, it's fine, I was going to head back anyway," Grox waved his clawed hands in front of him, trying to convince the other that he didn't mind the company. "Were you looking for me?"
Lookout was about to pour out all the words he had so long wanted to say to Grox – that he admired him, that his public image had been an inspiring foundation for many, including Lookout himself, that he had long wanted to talk to him personally, share his thoughts and hear Grox's in return – when one thought suddenly struck him, preventing the stream of words from flowing out of Lookout's mouth:
"Oh, I didn't even introduce myself. My name is Loo–"
"Lookout. I know who you are," Grox unexpectedly cut him off. Those dark eyes were still fixed on Lookout's face (at least Lookout was sure the dark hollows on Grox's face were intently focused on him), the initial slight smirk on Grox's face grew a little wider. "Glad we finally get to meet."
Lookout's gaze dropped – to the outstretched hand of Grox. The cigarette almost fell from his mouth at how wide he opened it in surprise, but he said nothing. He reached out his hand in return and instantly felt a cold, solid hand touch and squeeze his warm calloused palm. Even through the bandage wrapped from wrist to elbow, Lookout felt Grox's sharp fingers slightly scratch his skin as they moved. He got goosebumps – either from the firm touch, or from the very fact that he was shaking hands with Grox himself.
"Yeah." That was all Lookout could muster, squeezing the other's hand a little tighter.
II
Quite some time had passed since that day. Lookout and Grox didn't cross paths often, but every time Lookout consciously or not sought out Grox to talk, and Grox always listened. Grox's unsociability remained a mystery to Lookout, but with each meeting he noticed Grox opening up more and more, and the image Lookout knew began to become more recognizable. They had a similar sense of humour, similar circles of acquaintances, similar speech patterns. Lookout understood Grox, and Grox understood Lookout without extra words. Even those rare encounters – whether alone or in company – were pleasant for both. Lookout remembered every joke that made Grox laugh, remembered every casual detail about Grox's plans, so that at the next meeting he could ask if he had done what he intended.
Lookout twirled the cigarette in his hands and put it back in his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Grox talking to Mob. Not for the first time Lookout observed how Grox would slightly tilt his head to the side, one eye squinting more than the other. Lookout always found it interesting to study people and their habits, which they themselves probably didn't notice. He probably knew more about Slippery than Slippery knew about himself. Thoughts of other people absorbed Lookout, in his head he began to go over all the things he remembered about others, as if each had its own bookshelf in a vast library. He was jolted out of his reverie by a shove in his left side.
"You've been quiet too long – every time I think you've died!" Slippery was obviously joking, but Lookout knew that he really wasn't used to sinking that deep into thought, especially when those thoughts were about other people.
"God, shut up, no peace at all," Lookout laughed in return and gave Slippery a light cuff on the head, making his friend's glasses slide down to the tip of his nose to his annoyed grumbling.
His gaze fell again on Grox, who, apparently, had finished talking to Mob and stood aside alone, fiddling with some fabric in his hands.
"I'll go chat with Grox," Lookout waved his hand at Slippery and quickly approached the skeleton figure.
Grox noticed Lookout approaching almost immediately, put the fabric into his trouser pocket (Lookout guessed it might be for cleaning a gun barrel – he'd ask later), and waved in greeting. Lookout waved back.
"You found me again." Grox's eyes narrowed with pleasure, one as usual slightly narrower than the other.
"And I came again."
They fell silent. The silence couldn't be called awkward; they were both used to their meetings being irregular, and neither knew whether next time they would be laughing loudly, slapping each other on the backs, eagerly exchanging ideas, sharing events, or exchanging only a few words and then just being together in silence, occasionally saying something. Both options suited both Grox and Lookout just fine.
Lookout reached again for the dying cigarette between his teeth, twirled it, then stubbed it out against the nearest stone fence. Searching for a pack of cigarettes, he patted his trousers, finally pulled out the treasured paper pack from his pocket and took out another cigarette, immediately putting it in his mouth. With his other hand he lit it with the lighter he always carried for that very purpose.
This whole sequence of actions took perhaps ten seconds, not a single word was spoken during that time, but Lookout was sure that Grox had followed every movement of his hands. Grox's gaze was always something you could feel, because seeing it physically and correctly interpreting its direction was quite difficult. But Lookout precisely felt that at that moment Grox's gaze was fixed on his mouth and the cigarette clamped between his lips, noticing almost imperceptible movement of Grox's head to the side, just as he had done earlier while talking to Mob.
"You really never let that thing out of your mouth," Grox said without blinking.
Lookout took a drag and exhaled the smoke away from his companion's face. Grox again slightly jerked his head towards the smoke Lookout had just released.
"Want to try, huh?" Lookout smirked, holding out the cigarette that had just been in his mouth to Grox.
"You do know I don't have lungs, right?"
Lookout froze, and the smile twitched on his face, now it was Grox's turn to smirk. A second's pause was enough for Lookout to let out a chuckle:
"Seriously?"
"I can show you," Grox said, and began loosening the red tie around his neck and unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt.
"Uh, I believe you," Lookout was already starting to look around awkwardly, hoping no one would see Grox unbuttoning his shirt in front of him – explaining this strange moment would be awkward. "No need… oh… wow."
Lookout's gaze did fall on the exposed part of Grox. Fortunately for Lookout, he didn't unbutton his shirt completely, only the top part, but that was enough to see the collarbone and the area below. Grox's body wasn't like an ordinary skeleton inside a human, but neither could it be called a fully living body. Long bone parts that served as ribs curved around Grox's chest, which was a dark, uniform mass that seemed as solid as the rest of Grox's body. And indeed, Lookout didn't notice anything that would indicate Grox had human organs or needs for them.
"Had enough of a look?" Grox's sudden satisfied voice right by his ear made Lookout flinch, and only then did he realise he had been leaning forward, staring at the other's chest for a good several seconds.
"Yes! Sorry, god. I suspected as much, but it still came as a surprise." Lookout put the cigarette back in his mouth – the one he had been holding motionless, some of the nicotine had burned away uselessly. His face flushed with embarrassment, and his gaze darted anywhere but at Grox.
"Suspected? If you were that curious about what I look like without clothes, you could have just asked, I'd have shown you," Grox was on the verge of laughter.
Lookout rolled his eyes and lightly punched Grox in the shoulder – not hard, of course, already knowing that Grox's body, though not just "bones" in the usual sense, was just as firm.
"God, shut up," and both laughed at the awkward situation while Grox straightened himself out.
Later that evening, sitting on a crafting table, Lookout held in front of him the very cigarette butt he had offered to Grox, twirling it between his fingers. He had smoked two more cigarettes after that, but he couldn't bring himself to throw this one away.
Slippery was pottering around the room, walking from one corner to another, moving things from one chest to another. Noticing his friend thoughtfully examining a smoked cigarette butt, Slippery stopped next to the crafting table and, through his lenses, gave Lookout a questioning look:
"So what crap are you twirling there and bringing into our house?"
"This is the cigarette I offered Grox today," Lookout still stared at the butt, not raising his eyes to Slippery.
"Oh, and he turned it down, and now you're staring heartbroken at the cigarette that could have been in your idol's mouth?"
"No, what are you on about?" Lookout shot an angry glance at his friend after that sharp comment. "He refused, but he can't smoke."
"Can't? Is that what he told you to brush you off?"
"Slippery, he doesn't have lungs."
"How do you know?"
"He showed me himself."
"What do you mean 'showed himself'?"
"Well, he…" Lookout hesitated. Nothing particularly unusual had happened, but telling someone that someone had started undressing in front of you (even if not completely) was a bit awkward. "He, like, unbuttoned his shirt – not all the way, just so I could see part of his chest and understand that he really… uh… has nothing to smoke with… I mean, he's a skeleton, though I wouldn't say his body is exactly a 'skeleton' at first glance–"
"WHAAAT??? You made Grox himself undress? IN FRONT OF YOU?!?" Slippery's face suddenly appeared right in front of Lookout, his hands gripping the edges of the crafting table on both sides of Lookout.
"Idiot, I didn't make him undress, he did it himself – you think I wasn't stunned?" Lookout pushed Slippery's face away with his palm.
"He did it himself?" Slippery paused, then burst out laughing. "Holy crap! He really likes you! Now you'll never part with that butt, just to remember Grox's chest, huh?"
"While he was showing me… himself… that cigarette was burning, and I lost my rightful dose of nicotine…" Lookout chose to ignore his loud friend's mockery.
"Oooh, you offered him your cigarette, not one from the pack."
Lookout looked at Slippery with slight surprise; his friend was now thoughtfully rubbing his chin, putting on a serious face as if pondering a new mathematical formula, trying to bring two different denominators to a common one. Lookout never shared his cigarette with anyone, but in Grox's case he hadn't even thought twice about it.
"You definitely like him," Slippery finally pronounced his verdict, proudly straightening his back, hands on his hips.
Lookout gave a quiet laugh but didn't reply. He would throw the butt away tomorrow, but tonight it would stay with him.
III
"Hey, are those things comfortable for you?"
Grox was holding one of Lookout's arms by the elbow, pulling the bandages tighter so they wouldn't unravel or catch on anything while Lookout was sprawled on the sofa in Grox's house. With his free hand, Lookout raised it to his temple, pointing his index finger upward like a horn.
"I've had them all my life – it's not like I had a choice." Grox dropped his gaze back to Lookout's arm, continuing to wrap the cloth around the other's scarred skin.
In reality, it would be more accurate not to call the growths on Grox's head "horns," considering they were of the same structure as his body, but the shape of the curved, dark long parts on his head indeed looked like horns in the conventional sense.
"They look heavy – how do you even sleep?"
"Same as everyone else. Why the sudden question? And do you always wear that stupid hat of yours?"
"Hey-hey! It's not stupid, Slippery gave it to me," grumbled Lookout. "And of course I take it off! It's not part of my head like your horns."
"I've never seen you without it."
"Well, you'll have time." Lookout giggled. "Can I touch them?"
"What?"
"Your horns. Or are they too sensitive or something?" Lookout sat up a little to get a better look at Grox's horns. They were quite beautiful.
Without waiting for an answer, Lookout pulled his arm out of Grox's grip, ignoring his muttering "I'm not done yet, I haven't even tied the wrist!" but Lookout quickly unwrapped the cloth around his arm so it wouldn't get in the way, leaving both arms bare, and reached both hands for Grox's horns, forcing him to bend forward sharply.
"Hey, be careful, that's still my head!" Grox reflexively grabbed Lookout's elbows, but didn't try to remove his hands. Still in Lookout's grip, Grox sat down opposite him on the sofa, moving closer so Lookout wouldn't tear off his horns or break his neck.
Lookout, however, was completely focused on the horns. He ran his fingers over the sharp tips, gently stroking them. The sensation was especially unusual because Lookout's hands were completely bare – rare for him – so the texture of the horns, which was almost perfectly smooth, felt especially vivid on his skin. Slowly he moved his hands lower, closer to the base, never stopping the light circular caresses.
"You… you didn't even wait for my answer about whether you could touch them…" Grox's voice was even, but quieter than usual. Lookout couldn't see his face because it was bowed down to give Lookout a better view of the long horns.
"If you were against it, I'd already be on the floor, probably with broken bones," laughed Lookout.
"I wouldn't do that," Grox's voice grew even quieter.
"I know. That's why I'm touching you."
Suddenly, one hand landed on Grox's cheek and lifted his gaze. Lookout barely realised what his hands were doing before he met an expression on Grox's face he had never seen before. Usually confident, cheerful, or at worst indifferent, Grox's face had changed to one so relaxed that Lookout was surprised that Grox's face could express such an emotion.
Looking into each other's eyes – one of Lookout's hands on one horn, the other on his cheek, while Grox looked at Lookout with a pleading gaze from under half-lidded eyes. They both froze.
"Fuck, this is so weird!" Lookout abruptly recoiled from Grox, folding his hands on his knees. He had intended it all as a joke, but hadn't expected it to have such an effect on both of them. His fingers still tingled from the recent sensation of the firm texture under them, which had been so pleasant to stroke.
They fell silent again. The bandages lay on the floor, and no one paid them any attention anymore. This was the first time in their long acquaintance that the silence between them felt heavy.
"Actually, that was… unusual," Grox said these words slowly and not very confidently, as if afraid of his own words.
"I liked it too," Lookout answered very quickly. Grox hadn't said "i liked it," he'd said "that was unusual," but they knew each other well enough for Lookout to understand what he meant. His hands clenched the fabric of his trousers.
Lookout felt an awkward touch on his cheek and his face slowly turned sideways. He saw Grox's tense face in front of him. Grox only touched Lookout's cheek with his fingers, but seeing no resistance, he cupped the cheek fully with his solid hand. Lookout could feel through his cheek how carefully Grox tried to hold him, knowing that if he squeezed human skin too hard, it would be painful if not unpleasant.
Lookout slowly brought his face closer to Grox, still looking into his eyes. When they were this close, it was harder to tell where he was looking. Lookout wanted to make sure he understood everything correctly.
Lookout kissed him – gently, almost imperceptibly – and immediately pulled back to see Grox's face, but was immediately gripped harder by both hands and pulled back. This shyness, these awkward little kisses where they would pull away and then kiss again, was uncharacteristic for both of them, but neither had ever even thought about ending up in such a situation.
Grox moved one hand to the back of Lookout's head, slipping it under the hat into the long chestnut hair to pull him closer. Lookout couldn't find a place for his hands – they wandered all over Grox's body, clinging to arms, shoulders, the tie (he pulled it so hard a few times it almost came undone), anything that was Grox. And Grox was everywhere.
"Lookout…" Grox pulled back and gently pushed Lookout away when he tried to kiss him again. Before Lookout could protest the interrupted closeness, he was pulled onto his lap. Grox patted his own knee with his hand, indicating what he wanted from Lookout. Lookout obediently moved onto Grox's lap.
This time Grox was much more confident, and with a firm grip on the hair at the nape, he pulled Lookout to him, not giving him time to even get settled in his new position. Lookout only managed to moan into his mouth and dig his fingers into the other's shoulders. Grox held Lookout so tightly that he couldn't even move his head. Kissing someone who wasn't human was unusual, given that Grox's body was less warm than a human's and firmer, but still no less pleasant. Sharp teeth lightly scratched against Lookout's dry lips, but that only made him want to press closer.
The grip on his hair remained just as firm, still not giving Lookout a break. Oxygen was running low, but Grox's long tongue (the existence of which surprised Lookout a little) still pressed into his mouth, and his hand wouldn't let him pull away; his eyes became harder to open. Lookout hummed and began tapping lightly on Grox's shoulder, and only then did Grox understand he needed to pull back.
Lookout threw his head back, greedily gasping for air and swallowing the saliva already running down his chin. Grox meanwhile guiltily stroked his back, letting him catch his breath.
"You don't need air…" Lookout finally said, wiping his mouth with his palm and licking his lips. "That's not fair… fuuuck…" He didn't even get to complain before Grox's mouth moved to his exposed neck, and Lookout, no longer trying to be quiet, let out a pitiful moan. This time Grox wasn't as insistent, letting Lookout have a little more time to recover, but still gently biting and licking the neck covered in small scars.
"Sorry, is this too much?" Grox leaned back and made Lookout look at him, supporting him so he wouldn't fall off. Lookout stared at him for a while with unfocused eyes, still breathing heavily. Blinking slowly, Lookout shifted on Grox's lap, trying to sit comfortably. Grox's hands on his hips still kept him from falling. Grox patiently waited for his answer.
"What… what did you say again?" Lookout's breathing finally steadied.
"Sorry about that – do you want to stop?" Grox repeated in a soft voice, tilting his head to the side as he often did.
"Oh no, that was damn cool," Lookout drawled with a wide smile, fiddling with the collar of Grox's shirt. After licking his lips again, he moved his hands from the neck along Grox's shoulders, slipping them under his jacket. "If you want to continue, of course," Lookout mimicked Grox's head tilt and leaned in the same direction. The blue arrow from his hat covered one eye, his hair stuck out every which way. He looked so disheveled and beautiful at the same time, sitting on Grox's lap with that eager look.
"I do want to," Grox raised one hand to Lookout's face and brushed away the unruly strands from his face. "I don't know how comfortable you'll be with me, considering I'm not human – our bodies are a bit different…"
Lookout didn't let him finish, pressing his index finger to his mouth and letting out a chuckle:
"Bro, you don't have lungs, I'm fine with you not looking like a living person. I want you, not some specific body parts."
Grox just nodded silently. He took Lookout's hand in his, intertwining warm skin with solid bone. Slowly he brought each knuckle of Lookout's hand to his mouth and kissed it, moving down to the wrist and forearm, kissing every scar he saw on the skin. Lookout watched, mesmerized, as his hand – which he was used to seeing hidden under cloth – was reverently showered with kisses.
"Just tap my shoulder three times like you did earlier if you want me to stop."
"Okay," Lookout guided Grox's other hand under his shirt with his free hand, giving him permission to touch, then let go and reached for Grox's tie and buttons himself, determined to finally get rid of the now unnecessary clothes.
IV
When Lookout came home, the first thing he saw was that very cigarette butt he had promised himself to throw away months ago but in the end it had lain all this time next to Lookout's bed. Slippery had been right when he joked that looking at that butt, Lookout would remember that awkward moment with Grox. He picked up the butt, twirled it, as he had done hundreds of times before, and finally tossed it into the trash. Now he had no need to remember how Grox had opened up to him back then.