Work Text:
Shane: Baby? Have you seen my protein bars? I made them earlier and left them here on the counter to cool down.
Ilya (with his mouth full): What?
Shane: My protein bars for the whole next week. I thought I make them myself for once because Troy told me about a really easy recipe.
Ilya (licking chocolate from his fingers): There were only chocolate bars on the counter.
Shane: What? No. Your chocolate bars are in the cupboard.
Ilya: No they were on the counter and the chocolate was already melting so I ate them quickly.
Shane (face palming himself): Oh my god!
Ilya: What?
Shane: You ate all my protein bars, didn’t you?
Ilya: No? They were chocolate bars. And you need to buy different ones next time.
Shane: I covered them in dark chocolate. They still needed to cool down. That’s why the chocolate was still molten. And why do I need to buy different ones next time?
Ilya: Because they were not sweet enough.
Shane: Yes! Because they were my protein bars and not your chocolate bars!!!!
Ilya: Still not sweet enough.
Shane (sighing): I already know you will get a tummy ache.
Ilya: I’m Russian. Russians do not get tummy ache.
Shane: And what did you complain about the last time you ate a whole box of gummy bears?
Ilya: Too much happiness because of sweets?
Shane: Sure…
Ilya (pouting): I won’t get tummy ache.
Shane: I will go look for the hot water bottle.
Ilya: Thank you, Lyubimyy. But I will not need it.
Shane: We both know you will. And you’re gonna help me prepare a new batch of protein bars. You’re lucky I bought enough ingredients.
Ilya: Okay, sweetheart. But with more sugar, yes?
Shane (sighing): We are gonna make you your own batch.
Ilya: Thank you, best husband in the whole world.
Shane (smiling): You idiot.
Ilya: You chose to love me.
Shane: There was no choosing. I had no chance. But I’m not mad about it. Even if you eat all my protein bars. I still love you with all my heart.
Ilya (flushing a little bit): There was no choosing for me either. I was yours after the first time I saw you. I love you so much! Even if your chocolate bars are not sweet enough.