Chapter Text
He swung through the streets of New York. A shot of a web quickly reached the next building and pulled him high towards the clouds. Thinking about maybe one day being able to touch them. That would be nice. Closing his eyes he could imagine himself laying high in the air. His back against the soft cloud, his head resting against the mattress of nature. Just floating. Far away from the cruel reality waiting for him down on the hard, unforgiving earth. But of course it doesn’t work like that. You can’t lay on clouds, you can’t even touch them. At least he can’t. Someone he used to know could.
He reached his fingers high up towards the clouds. Maybe one day he would touch the clouds, but right now, he was falling. He turned himself around, facing the streets of New York. The streets he used to love, but now- He would do anything in his power to never step his foot on those damn streets again. The streets that now reminded him of everything he has lost. Everything he used to love. He used to love those streets and everyone on those streets. He would keep them safe. He would stop little criminals, help old ladies cross the streets, stop the robber who thought the police would never get him. He used to be the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. And he still was. But where it used to bring him joy, now reminded him of everything that he used to be. Now it was something that he needed to be, because the person behind the mask.. Somewhere along the way, he had forgotten who he was as well. He was Spiderman. Friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. That was the only thing he knew how to be. Because if he wasn’t Spiderman, he wasn’t anything. He was no one.
Only metres from the ground, he shot another web, flinging himself back towards the heights. Back towards the clouds. This is how he spent his days. Being Spiderman. Patrolling around the city, trying to find even the slightest injustice. Being Spiderman helped him forget, even just for a while everything that went wrong. Everything that he could have done better.
He had his Spiderman suit. That was pretty much it. Everything he had from his past life was this suit. The suit that Mister Stark had made for him. Especially for him. He could remember how excited he was when he first met Mister Stark in the living room of his and May’s apartment. It was a dream come true. At that moment, he was the happiest person on the planet. He had gotten so lucky. Finally someone saw him. Not just Spiderman. Him. Peter Parker. The 15 year old high school student from Midtown High. Tony had believed in him and he had believed in himself.
But those were just memories. Memories only he had left. Tony doesn’t know who he is. No one knows who he is, not even him. What he had with Mister Stark was only a sweet memory he avoided thinking. What was the point? He had moved on. Mister Stark, The Avengers, his friends. They had moved on as well. Why wouldn’t he. He had tried. Oh, he had tried. He had tried to make things right. But how did that turn out for him? He was tossed in the foster system. Like he was just some kid, full of himself, thinking he could be something. But he had been something. Had been. He had been an Avenger. He had fought next to Tony in Germany. He had fought against Thanos. He had been there. But no one remembered that. So had he been there?
He dropped himself in an alleyway. Making sure he was hidden behind the dumpsters, before he started to rip off the suit. He stuffed the suit deep down into his backpack, like the suit wasn’t his most prized possession. With a swift motion he tossed the backpack over his shoulder and headed towards the street. It was quiet. Not that he minded. The evening was already starting to turn to a night. The sun had set behind the city’s skyline. The lamp posts lighting up the street just enough for him to see in front of him. He found comfort from the darkness. When he was a child, he used to be scared of the dark. But aunt May had taught him that there was nothing to be afraid of. He didn’t understand that back then, but now.. For him the darkness meant safety. It meant peace and quiet.
He crossed the street, heading towards the poorly lit parking lot. The parking lot he had walked through more times than he can count in the last year. He walked past the dirty red Hyundai that had been parked there for the last two months. He wondered what had happened to its owner. He walked through the high stony gate, towards the small sandy path ahead of him.
He looked around in awe as hundreds of candles lit the otherwise dark surroundings. It was beautiful. Another reason why he liked to go there after the sun had set. Oh, how much he wished he would have the money to buy a candle like that and a box of matches to bring the candle alive. Oh, how he wished.
”Hey May.” He said, sitting down on the grass, lowering his backpack next to him. ”It’s beautiful out here. It sure is peaceful. Like you’ve always said.” His voice was calm and quiet. ”I can remember when we used to visit Ben, you and I. You always brought a candle. You told me that when we lit the candle, he could see us from heaven. And how he would wave for us. And I always waved back.” He let out a deep breath, feeling a single tear rolling down his cheek. He quickly wiped the tear away, not leaving room for tears.
”One day I’m gonna bring you your own candle. I promise. Then- Then you can-” He said quietly, his voice trembling. ”I promise May. I am going to do that. And I’m going to make you proud.” He said. Not sure if he was even talking about the candle anymore.
He lifted his hand, letting it rest over the cold stone. ”I miss you May. Every day. Every single day.” He said, another tear rolling down his cheek. ”I helped a little girl today.” I started. ”She had gotten lost from her mom. I found her crying on the street. She was scared. Calling for her mom.” He said, letting out a shaky breath. ”We found her mom. You should have seen how she ran when she saw her mom.”
”I’m so sorry May.” He started again. ”I should have been able to save you. I should have- I should have been strong enough.” He whispered. ”It was my fault. And- And I’m sorry.” Peter lowered his gaze to the engraving on the stone. ´May Parker - When you help someone, you help everyone´
He sat down next to the grave for a few minutes, not saying a word, just breathing. ”I’m going to be back soon, May.” He said, pressing his fingers against his lips and returning the fingers to the stone. ”I love you May.” He whispered. He had to get going if he was going to find shelter for tonight. He could already feel the coldness of the night setting over the city. And one thing he had learned in the past year, you don’t want to stay outside if you don’t absolutely have to.
His feet carried him back towards the parking lot, back towards the city. The city had many homeless shelters, but they filled up pretty quickly especially when winter was coming. So if he wanted to have a roof over his head, he would have to walk quickly.
He could feel his stomach growling as he walked along the dark street. He will try and find something to eat tomorrow. Right now, all he wanted was to find a place to sleep. For days he had been neglecting the growing hunger in his stomach. But finding food wasn’t easy. A week ago a nice lady had bought him a sandwich after he helped her with her heavy grocery bags. He was able to live with that sandwich for the next three days. He felt bad for accepting the sandwich, but in the back of his mind he knew how much he actually needed it. So he accepted the sandwich, making sure to thank the lady profusely.
He had no idea what time it was, but he figured it could be something between 8pm and 10pm, maybe. It’s pretty much impossible to know, when towards the winter the sun starts setting sooner and sooner. A year ago he didn’t even realize how much people take their phones and watches for granted. Now that he had neither of those he could really appreciate being able to check the time whenever he wanted.
He had his phone stolen during his first month on the streets. Back then he still hadn’t learned the cruel rules that ruled the streets. If you leave anything behind, it’s free for others to take. And it would be taken really quickly. So these days he would make sure he hid his backpack somewhere where no one would be able to find it. Usually he left it somewhere high, somewhere where you couldn’t get to. Only if you could climb up the wall. And by now, it has been working. Every time he’d gotten back from patrolling, his backpack would remain where he had left it. There wasn’t anything valuable in his backpack other than a thin jacket and a pair of sweaters, but on the streets, every piece of clothing is valuable.
He was getting closer to one of the shelters when his spider sense told him that someone was heading towards him. And right after that he heard a frustratingly familiar voice from behind him. He didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.
”Are you trying to walk away from me, huh?” Peter stopped to his tracks, not really trying to find any trouble. ”Yes, I’m talking to you Puny.” He could hear being yelled behind him. It was Remy. And where would Remy go without his group. Peter turned around, finding a group of seven walking towards him. ”What do you want?” Peter asked, trying to keep his voice neutral. He could hear some of them laughing as they got closer to him. ”What do I want?” Remy asked with a smirk on his face. ”I want to beat your ass, so even your mother doesn’t recognize you” He laughed. ”Oh wait.” He laughed. ”Does he have a mom?” Remy turned to the others, his voice carrying a sarcastic tone. ”Well, his aunt then?” A female voice suggested. It was Gabriela. Or Gabby as they liked to call her. He was Remy’s girlfriend.
”But he doesn’t have an aunt either” The group erupted into laughter. Peter stayed put. He had learned that it was just easier to take their insults and go on with your day. Saying something back would end up in a fight and that was the last thing he wanted.
Peter had got to know this group in his third month on the street. He had been stupid enough to believe that they could be friends. He had been an idiot. Now that he thought about it, he had been so stupid. He had actually believed that he would be able to build a new life, to get new friends.
Remy, Gabby, Henry, Sarah, Miron, Alina and Oliver. All of them were still very young, just like Peter. But you could see the experiences from living on the streets from a very young age in them. They were a tight group and Peter had been an idiot when he thought that he would get to know them and to maybe one day, be friends with them.
Henry was the oldest of them. He was 24 if Peter remembered correctly. The siblings Miron and Alina were from Russia. Peter has no idea how they had ended up from Russia to live on the streets of New York. Oliver was the youngest of them. He was only 14 and Peter had always felt bad for him. He is clearly much less experienced than the others in the group. He was actually a smart kid. Peter could see a bit of himself in Oliver.
Peter was brought out of his thoughts when his spider sense warned him from something closing on him, fast. Peter’s face was hit with Remy’s fist. Peter could have possibly dodged the hit, but it was easier this way. Remy just needed to let out some steam and soon they would be on their way.
Peter took a step back from the force of the hit. Even though he had super strength and enhanced healing, that didn’t mean that Remy’s punches didn’t hurt. Peter tried to cover his face with his hands, while Remy kept throwing his punches. ”What a pussy you are Peter.” He hissed. ”Fight back! It’s much more fun that way!” He yelled.
Suddenly Remy got interrupted by a police car driving past them, blinking its lights to the group. ”Remy! Let’s go!” Gabby yelled as the rest of the group had already taken off running. ”You’re lucky” Remy hissed, turning on his heels and heading after the others. Peter swiped his hand over his face. He was bleeding from somewhere, but not badly. ”You good, kid?” The window on the police car rolled down, revealing a worried looking cop. ”Yeah. Just heading home.” He said and continued walking. ”Be careful.” The police exclaimed, before rolling up the window.
One foot in front of the other. Peter felt exhausted, not just physically, no. He felt like the entire weight of the world was pulling him down. Pulling him down towards the cold ground. He just wanted to give up, just to collapse right there and then. He just wanted to stop, stop everything. Even breathing felt like something he was tired of doing. But doesn’t breathing happen automatically? Well it sure didn’t feel like that. Just one foot in front of the other. Just keep going. But for what? What was there to keep walking for? There was no one waiting for him. No one knew who Peter was. Absolutely no one.
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”Hey Peter.” Peter lifted his head, looking at the lady with tired eyes, standing on the other side of the desk. ”Hey Greta.” Peter greeted, realizing that while being so lost in thought he had arrived at the shelter. ”Did you get in another fight?” She asked, looking at Peter’s face curiously. ”Oh, it’s nothing.” Peter said, again swiping his sleeve over the cut on his eyebrow. ”You sure seem to find the trouble. Or trouble seems to find you.” She says. ”Yeah-” Peter let out a breath. ”Do you have any room for the night?” Peter asked, not wanting to have his hopes up. ”We wouldn’t, but-” She started. ”I had a feeling that you would wander to my door, Peter.” She said, with a slight smile on her face. ”I saved you a spot.” She said. Peter lifted his gaze from the ground back to Greta. ”You- You did?” He asked. ”It’s not a comfortable spot, but- It’s a spot.” She smiled. ”Thank you, Greta. Thank you so much.” Peter turned to head deeper into the shelter, but stopped on his tracks, hearing Greta open her mouth again. ”You are a good kid, Peter. You know that right?” A year ago he had believed that. Because back then it was true. Now, he wasn’t so sure anymore. ”Thank you, Greta. I appreciate it.” Peter said, forcing a slight smile on his face.
Peter found a spot that Greta had saved for him. It wasn’t anything fancy, but for Peter- It was perfect. He lowered himself on the thin mattress on the floor, in the corner of the room. He didn’t care if the mattress was thin. He didn’t care that he could feel the cold hard floor when he laid down. He had a roof over his head and for him, that was all that he could ask for. Peter closed his eyes. Listening to the snoring echoing in the room. With his enhanced hearing, it sounded like someone was trying to break a tree in half with a chainsaw. But he had a roof over his head, so none of that really mattered.
Waiting for sleep, his mind drifted to think about his life. His life before all of this. His life before Mysterio. He had everything he ever could have dreamed of. How good things were with May. May had known about Spiderman, which meant he didn’t have to lie anymore. Ned knew about Spiderman, so did MJ. He had Mister Stark. Mister Stark was like a father to him, a father that he never had. Of course, after Thanos, things weren’t exactly the same. After the blip. Peter had been gone for five years and during those five years- everything had changed. Mister Stark had changed.
Tony had buried himself in work. Or at least that's what Peter had heard from Pepper. Tony had refused to leave his lab. In some way, Peter understood. Tony had lost everything, for five years. Now, Peter knew how that felt- losing everything. Tony had never forgiven himself for letting Thanos win the first time. Tony had used all his time making new suits, stronger suits. So something like that would never happen again. So the next time, he would be strong enough to stop it.
After Peter got back, things with Mister Stark weren’t the same. Peter could see the fear in Tony’s eyes. Fear of losing everything. After Thanos, no one was the same. All of the Avengers were scattered, everyone trying to deal with the trauma that Thanos had left behind. Peter had thought that things would get back to normal, that slowly things would get better. And for a while it did, but then- Everything changed.