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Everyone leaves me eventually. My birth mother died before she got to hold me. My brother died before I can have clear memories of his. My father left before I can truly Remebr him. My mother left when I was twelve. Daryl left when I was Tweleve. My friend also left when I was twelve.
And the only person to come back is Daryl.
I want a day where no one leaves me. That’s all I want, but i’m 18 now and I know that day isn’t coming.
And everyday that passes only makes it heavier.
And some nights are worse then others. Tonight is one of those nights.
The thoughts in my head get loud. And I think things I’d never tell anyone. Especially Daryl.
Truth is, I’m not sure how much longer I can take any of this, but I also know I don’t have a choice. So I get up off my bed room floor, grab my hat and weapon and headoff for Alexandria night shift Watch.
I’ve always preferred watching the permitter ever since I used to check it with Daryl when I was little.
Even though we’re part of the commonwealth now, we’re still allowed to run things our own ways. We’re more like allied with them and they’re our trade partners. Works a lot better then the previous arrangement.
I climb up to the watch tower to watch outside the fence. The only light being the flame on the torch hooked to the side of the watch tower.
Kyle is already sitting up there writing away in his journal. “Quiet?” I ask him. Kyle is in his later twenties if I had to guess.
“It always is. They say they come out more at night but I don’t see it,”
“They do if you’re out there,” I respond. He shrugs.
“If you say so,” I sit down in the chair next to him. He nods to my knuckles. “How’s your hand? Heard about the fight yesterday,”
“In my defense he’s an asshole who was beating his wife for no reason,” I explain.
“Good to know some things don’t change.” He mutters.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean abusers exsisted before this mess and they still do. Don’t think that’s really going to change,”
“Then we find a way to make it change,” he laughs slightly.
“God Judith, you’re still naive. Nothing will ever change. It’s just the same narrative with new characters,”
“But that doesn’t mean you can’t fix things,”
“It kinda does kid. Look, trust me just stick to watching out for walkers. Killing them is easier then trying to fix up a bunch of messed up people,”
The rest of the watch is in silence.
At the end when I’m climbing down Daryl is standing there. “I’m going out. You coming?”
“I just got off watch,”
“Yes or no?”
“Yes,” we walk out the gate together.
“You doing ok?” He asks,
“When all this started did you ever lose anyone?”
“When this started? Nah. Didn’t lose someone til later. But that wasn’t to the walkers. But you’re too young to remember it,”
“Who was it?”
“My brother,”
“What was he like?”
“An asshole. Why are you asking?” I take out my sword and kill an approaching walker before answering.
“Because sometimes I think the only thing I’m meant for is people leaving. Sometimes I think I’d be better off if I joined the dead,” I admit to him.
“Is that what you want? To end up like on of these?” He asks, nodding to Walker who trips over a branch and falls to the ground. He shoots an arrow in its head.
“I don’t know,”
“Look, I get this world is cruel. But you can’t give up. You have to fight. Just like your father. Just like your mother. And just like your brother,”
“And it got them dead,”
“Maybe, but I fought as well I still am. And I ain’t dead yet,”
“But you will be,”
“We all will be eventually. Just try not to dwell on that thought to much,” I nod maybe he’s right. “You’ll be ok kid. I promise,”