Work Text:
The Third
Tommy had started noticing things. Not big things. That would've been easier. Big things could be pointed at.
It was the little things that got to him. The things nobody else would notice. The things that were probably meaningless.
Probably.
Like how Tubbo always left the seat beside Ranboo open on the couch. Not intentionally. He didn't think. He'd just sit down, and somehow Ranboo would end up beside him.
Like gravity.
Like that's where they belonged.
Tommy usually took the armchair.
He'd joke about it. "Guess I'm the designated third wheel again."
Tubbo would throw a cushion at him.
Ranboo would laugh. And Tommy would laugh too. Because it was a joke. It had always been a joke. Except lately, he wasn't sure it was.
There were other things. Tubbo and Ranboo had memories Tommy didn't have. Stories Tommy had heard a hundred times but still didn't understand. Inside jokes that made them both laugh while Tommy stood there waiting for someone to explain.
Sometimes they'd look at each other and somehow know exactly what the other meant. Tommy hated that most. Not because he was jealous. At least, he didn't want to call it jealousy.
It was just
He wanted that.
He wanted someone to look at him and understand without asking. He wanted to be someone's first thought. Not because the other two weren't there. Not because he happened to be the closest person in the room.
Just because it was him.
Sometimes he wondered if Tubbo and Ranboo had something like that. Something that belonged only to them. And if they did Tommy wondered what exactly he was.
The third.
The extra chair.
The person who made three instead of two.
"Tommy?"
He blinked.
Tubbo was standing in the kitchen doorway.
"You've been staring at that book for ten minutes."
Tommy looked down. The same page. He hadn't read a word.
"Yeah, well." He shut the book.
"It's shit."
Tubbo rolled his eyes. "You picked it."
"Exactly. I clearly have terrible taste."
Ranboo looked up from the couch. "That's the first intelligent thing you've said today."
Tommy gasped. "Fuck you."
Ranboo laughed.
Tubbo laughed.
And Tommy laughed with them.
It was easy. That's what made it difficult. Because there were moments like this where Tommy genuinely forgot. He forgot about the empty space beside Ranboo. Forgot about the conversations he wasn't part of. Forgot about the little ache that seemed to live somewhere underneath his ribs.
For a few seconds, the three of them were just
Them.
Three idiots in an apartment.
Three friends.
Three people who loved each other.
And Tommy could almost believe that was enough.
Sometimes he wondered if he was making it all up. Maybe this was what friendship was. Maybe people just had different bonds. Maybe Tubbo and Ranboo being closer didn't mean they loved Tommy less.
He knew that.
He did.
But knowing something and feeling it were two different things. And Tommy couldn't make his feelings listen to logic.So he started doing little things. Nothing anyone would notice.
He stopped asking to sit with them.
He stopped interrupting when they were talking.
He started leaving the room when they got caught up in one of their conversations.
He told himself he was giving them space.
That was all.
Except eventually, giving people space became making himself smaller. And making himself smaller became habit.
One evening, the three of them were watching something together. Tommy couldn't remember what. He'd been trying to pay attention. Really trying. But halfway through, Tubbo whispered something to Ranboo. Ranboo whispered something back.
Tubbo and ranboo laughed
Tommy looked over. "What?"
"Nothing," Tubbo said.
"What was funny?"
"Nothing."
Tommy smiled. "Tell me."
Tubbo hesitated.
Then he explained. It wasn't even that funny. Tommy laughed anyway. "Haha. Yeah. Fucking hilarious."
The screen kept playing. Nobody noticed Tommy wasn't watching anymore. He stared at the television and thought:
I wish I knew what they were talking about.
Then, immediately
That's stupid.
Then “I wish they wanted to tell me”
That thought hurt worse. That night, Tommy decided he was going to say something. Not everything. He wasn't going to make it dramatic. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to accuse them of anything. He'd just tell them.
Maybe he'd say Sometimes I feel like I'm the third wheel.
Maybe they'd reassure him.
Maybe they'd tell him he was being stupid.
Maybe they'd laugh.
Maybe Maybe it would be okay. Tommy stood in the hallway, staring at the living room door.
His heart was pounding. Ridiculous.
It was just Tubbo and Ranboo.
His friends.
The people who loved him.
He could tell them anything.
Couldn't he?
Tommy took a breath. Then another. He stepped forward. And stopped.
Tubbo was talking. "I don't know."
His voice was quieter than usual. Tommy couldn't make out the rest. Then he heard Ranboo say something. Tommy leaned slightly closer. He shouldn't have. He knew that.
But then Tubbo laughed softly. "I'm just glad I have you."
Tommy froze. There was a pause.
Then Ranboo answered. "I'm glad I have you too."
Tommy stared through the crack in the door. Tubbo was sitting beside Ranboo. Their shoulders were touching.
Neither of them seemed to notice.
They didn't need to.It was natural. Effortless. Tommy felt something inside him crack. Not loudly. Nothing dramatic. Just enough. Just a tiny fracture.
Because those words were everything Tommy had wanted to hear.
I'm glad I have you. And he knew Tubbo meant it.
He knew Ranboo meant it. He knew they loved each other. He knew they loved him too.
But standing there, listening to them say those words to each other, Tommy suddenly understood something he'd been trying not to understand. There were different kinds of closeness. Different kinds of love. And theirs was something Tommy could stand beside. But never quite stand inside.
He backed away.
One step.
Then another.
He walked back to his bedroom. Quietly. He closed the door. Then he leaned against it. His eyes burned.
"Don't." He whispered it to himself.
"Don't be stupid." He slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor. He stared at his hands. They were shaking. He hated that.
He hated how much this mattered.
Because nothing had happened.
Nobody had betrayed him.
Nobody had told him they didn't want him.
Nobody had even done anything wrong.
They loved him.
That was the worst part.
Tommy pressed his palms against his eyes.
He wished, just for once, that they didn't.
Because if they didn't love him, this would be simple.
He could leave.
He could be angry.
He could blame them.
Instead, he had nowhere to put the hurt.
So he swallowed it.
Like he always did.
The next morning, Tommy was fine. At least, that's what everyone thought.
"Morning," Ranboo said.
Tommy walked into the kitchen. "Morning."
Tubbo handed him a piece of toast.
Tommy took it.
"Cheers."
"You sleep okay?"
"Like a fucking baby." It was a lie. Tommy hadn't slept much at all.
Tubbo squinted at him. "You look tired."
"You look ugly."
Tubbo stared.
Ranboo snorted.
Tommy grinned. "See? Fixed it."
Tubbo threw a napkin at him. Tommy ducked. They laughed. Everything was normal. Too normal. Tommy started talking more. He made more jokes. He deliberately annoyed Tubbo. He kept Ranboo laughing.He became the loudest person in the room Because if he was loud enough, nobody could hear how quiet he'd become.
A few days passed. Tommy got better at pretending.
He stopped sitting with them on the couch.
He stopped asking what they were talking about.
He stopped saying goodnight last.
He'd disappear into his room earlier.
Nobody questioned it.
At least, not at first.
Then one night, Ranboo knocked on his door. "Tommy?"
"Yeah?"
"You've been going to bed early."
Tommy stared at the ceiling. "So?"
"Nothing."
A pause.
"Just noticed."
Tommy smiled despite himself.
Of course they noticed.
Of course they cared.
"Thanks."
Ranboo was quiet. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Tommy almost said no.
The word sat right behind his teeth.
No.
I'm not okay.
I feel like I'm watching my two favorite people slowly realize they don't need me.
I feel like I'm standing outside something I'll never be allowed into.
I'm scared that if you ever had to choose, it wouldn't even take you a second.
Instead, Tommy said "Course."
"Okay."
Footsteps moved away. Tommy waited until they disappeared. Then he whispered "Sorry."
He wasn't sure who he was apologizing to.
Eventually, Tubbo noticed too. Of course he did. One evening, he caught Tommy in the kitchen.
"You've been weird."
Tommy looked up from the cupboard. "I'm always weird."
"No." Tubbo crossed his arms.."You're more weird."
Tommy laughed. "That's impressive."
"I'm serious."
"So am I." Tubbo watched him.
Tommy avoided his eyes. "What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Tommy."
"Nothing happened." The words came out sharper than he meant.
Tubbo went quiet.
Tommy immediately regretted it "Sorry."
Tubbo softened. "It's okay."
Tommy nodded. Then Tubbo asked the question Tommy had been dreading.
"Did we do something?" Tommy looked at him.
For one horrible second, he almost told him.
Almost. He could say it. He could tell Tubbo everything. He could say:
I feel like I'm always second.
I know you love me.
I just don't think you love me the same.
Instead, Tommy smiled. "No."
Tubbo didn't look convinced.
But he nodded. "Okay."
And that was it. Another chance. Another lie. Another thing Tommy swallowed.
That night, Tommy found Tubbo and Ranboo together in the kitchen. Just like before. They were talking. Laughing quietly. Tommy stood in the doorway. For a moment, he considered leaving.
But then Tubbo noticed him
"Tommy?"
"Yeah?"
"You alright?" Tommy stared at them.
His chest felt tight. He didn't know why he needed to ask.
Maybe he already knew the answer.
Maybe he just needed to hear it. "You love me, right?"
Tubbo's expression changed immediately. "Of course."
Ranboo looked at him. "Always."
Tommy nodded. "Yeah."
A tiny smile appeared on his face. "I know."
Tubbo frowned. "Why'd you ask?"
Tommy shrugged. "No reason."
"Tommy—"
"Night." He turned away.
"Tommy."
He kept walking.
"Tommy, wait."
He didn't.
He closed his bedroom door. And this time, he didn't sit on the floor. He climbed into bed. Pulled the blanket over himself. And listened. He could hear them talking through the wall, Muffled voices, A laugh, Then silence. Tommy stared into the darkness.
They loved him.
He knew that.
They really did.
He knew Tubbo would defend him. He knew Ranboo would show up if he needed them. He knew they would miss him if he were gone. He knew he mattered.
And somehow
somehow that hurt more than if he didn't. Because love wasn't the problem. It never had been. The problem was that Tommy wanted something he wasn't sure anyone could give him.
He wanted to be someone's first choice.
Not the third.
Not the extra.
Not the person who made the number work.
He wanted someone to look across a room and search for him first. And he knew, with a certainty that made his chest ache, that if Tubbo and Ranboo ever had to choose between each other and him Tommy already knew the answer. He turned toward the wall.
The apartment was quiet now. For once, there were no voices.
No laughter.
No proof that anyone was awake.
Tommy closed his eyes.
And whispered into the darkness "I know you love me."
His voice broke. "But I wish it felt like enough."
And nobody heard him.