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The Ottawa Centaurs locker room was already buzzing with chaotic excitement for the first practice of the 2022 season. The raucous could be heard from the hallway, practically vibrating the walls within the arena. It would be Shane Hollander's second season playing with the Centaurs—the second season playing on the same team as his husband, Ilya Rozanov—and as the two of them walked through the doors and into the locker room together, they were greeted by the cheers and smiles of their teammates.
"Yes! The Hollander-Rozanovs are here!"
"Thanks for pausing your car make out session to join us, boys!"
"Shane! Ilya! How was your summer!"
Shane immediately felt overwhelmed by their enthusiastic greetings, but Ilya was nothing but sparkling eyes and a brilliant smile as he greeted each and every player with hugs and affectionate shoulder slaps. Shane loved to see how much Ilya loved this team—their team. Sometimes, it still didn't feel real to him that they got to have all of this.
While Ilya chatted with Troy Barrett and Zane Boodram about his and Shane's summer and the ongoing success of their Game Changers hockey camps—which a number of Centaurs players had coached at that year—Shane got to work inspecting his gear and straightening out his stall.
"Yeah, Lisa chose Elliott, of all people," he heard Wyatt Hayes talking to Luca Haas two stalls down, "as if there aren't plenty of hotter guys to choose from."
"Elliott? Really?" Luca raised his eyebrow. "He is, like, the least attractive man in the whole town. His attitude alone—"
"That's what I'm saying!" Wyatt exclaimed. "He's a total snob! All vapid and shallow with his stupid hair and his seaside cottage."
Something seized in Shane's stomach, and for a brief moment he wondered if Wyatt's wife, Lisa, was having an affair. But, surely, if that was the case, they wouldn't be talking about it so loudly in the locker room, right? So, who the hell was Elliott then? And why did Lisa have to choose him? And how did Luca know who he was?
His curiosity won in the end.
"Uh," Shane turned to his teammates, "what are you guys talking about? Who is Elliott?"
"Oh! Hey, Shane," Wyatt reached toward him to pull him into a one armed hug. "Did you have a good summer?"
"Yeah, it was good," he said to the goalie. "How was yours?"
"Really chill, thankfully," Wyatt said.
Luca pulled Shane into a matching one armed embrace. "Elliott is a character from the game Stardew Valley," he informed him.
Ohhh.
"Stardew Valley?" Shane asked.
"Yeah, dude, it's this game that came out, like, six years ago now," Wyatt told him. "but it is super addicting. You basically create your little character and you can farm and raise animals and stuff."
"And there's all these other characters in the town that you can build friendship with, and eventually you can get married and have kids," Luca added. "It's really fun. A friend of mine back home got me into it a few years ago and I play it to wind down before bed most nights when we're not out late."
"Sounds interesting..." Shane mused, though if he were being honest, it kind of didn't. Video games had never interested Shane much, unless they involved hockey.
"Anyway," Wyatt continued, "Lisa and I play together in co-op sometimes, but we have our own separate farms, too. Lisa married this guy named Elliott, who is this pretentious guy who lives on the beach in Pelican Town writing poetry and playing the piano. I gave her so much shit when I found out that's who she picked."
"I still can't believe it," Luca chucked, shaking his head. "I have a ton of different save files with different farm themes and layouts, but I always pick the same two characters to marry, depending on my mood."
"Who do you pick?" Shane asked, realizing that he was actually, maybe, interested in hearing Luca's answer.
"So, my wife pick is always Leah. She's this artsy girl who lives in the woods and makes sculptures. She's got this crazy ex from the city that she moved to Stardew Valley to get away from, and later on the ex comes and confronts you, too. She's really cool though," Luca smiled, and if they hadn't already told Shane that these were characters from a video game, he might have thought Luca was talking about a real woman he liked.
Weird.
"Leah is really cool," said Wyatt, "but she reminds me of my sister, so picking her to romance was never really an option for me, you know? I haven't married anyone yet, but I am dating both Penny and Maru."
"Wyatt, you dog," Shane laughed, "you can't decide between them?"
"I can't! They're both so different, but my attraction to them is basically equal. Penny has this sad backstory where her mom is a drunk who doesn't treat her that well and she acts as the teacher for the town's kids. She's just a pure soul, you know? But Maru—she's actually Sebastian's sister—is, like, this super brainy scientist chick who builds robots in her spare time. She gives me the vibes of someone who wants to save the world using tech, but somehow ends up becoming a villain or something—"
"Of course you turned your sordid love affair into a comic book plot," Luca laughed, shoving Wyatt's shoulder.
"Wait, Haas, so who is the other person you pick when you don't marry the artsy girl?" Shane asked Luca.
"Sebastian," Luca sighed, a dreamy look in his eyes. "My friend and I are both obsessed with him. I'm a sucker for an angsty emo boy in all black."
"Don't forget, he drives a motorcycle, too," Wyatt added.
"Oh, I could never forget about our moonlit drive into the city on his motorcycle," Luca smiles softly.
And he was fucking blushing.
"Haas," Ilya had wandered over to them. He slung an arm around Shane's shoulders and pressed a quick kiss to his temple. "Why do you look like lovesick puppy?"
"Wyatt and Luca were telling me about this game they play," Shane told his husband. "It's called Stardew Valley."
"Ah, yes, I have seen this game!" Ilya said excitedly. "You can get a dog on your farm, and pet it every day. Is very adorable."
"You've heard of it?" Shane turned to him. "Have you ever played it?"
"Nyet," Ilya shook his head, "was always too busy. I have seen some people play it on YouTube. Is very cute game."
"I never thought it would hook me like it has," Wyatt said, "but Lisa and I really love it, and it's a way to spend time together, even if we aren't playing together. Sometimes, we just sit next to each other on the couch and play on the Switch, just enjoying each other's company."
"Okay, that's actually adorable," Shane said with a smile.
"You guys should check it out," Luca told them as he finished pulling on his gear, "I think you would really like it."
"Alright, gentlemen!" Coach Wiebe's voice commanded their attention as he walked into the locker room. "I know you're all excited to get back on the ice and some kick ass this season, so let's start out strong, yeah? Let's get out there, boys."
Practice had gone really well and Shane and Ilya were coming down off the high of being back on the ice with their team.
"I can feel it," Ilya said with a grin as he got into the driver side of his black Mercedes SUV, "this is going to be our season. We're taking that fucking Cup."
"Yeah, for sure," Shane mumbled from the passenger seat, already scrolling through his phone.
"What is distracting you, solnyshko?" Ilya asked his husband, reaching across the center console to shake Shane's wrist gently.
"Oh—sorry, nothing really," Shane replied, eyes still glued to his screen, "I was just looking up that game that the guys were talking about earlier."
"Ah, yes, Stardew Valley," Ilya nodded as he started the car. "You are thinking you would like to play?"
"It seems fun, I think. You can play it on a few different platforms, but I think I'll just play it on my laptop. You know I don't play many videogames outside of Chel stuff, but this seems like it could be—I don't know—cozy or something."
"So cozy," Ilya echoed, pulling Shane's hand off of his phone to bring it to his lips and kissing his knuckles. "I think I would like to play it with you. Maybe we could have our own farms, too, like Hayes and Dr. Lisa."
"Really? You'd want to play it with me?" Shane turned to look at his husband, his eyes wide and hopeful.
"I would love nothing more, malysh," Ilya kissed at his knuckles again, causing Shane's cheeks to pinken slightly.
Shane and Ilya both downloaded Stardew Valley that night on a Monday. By Friday, they each had each managed to play enough in their free time to have upgraded their houses, adding a kitchen and an additional room that served as a bedroom. Shane had decided to go with a very simple, classic farmhouse theme, with décor and furniture in woody and neutral tones. Ilya, on the other hand, had decided to drench every inch of his house in color, as though someone had vomited a rainbow that reached every corner.
"Ilya, it's so gaudy," Shane teased him, "I literally get a headache every time I look at your screen!"
"Then maybe you should look at your own screen and feed your chickens," Ilya elbowed him playfully.
"Wait, when did you get ducks? You only had chickens yesterday!" Shane exclaimed, grabbing Ilya's laptop and turning it so he could see the screen better.
"I may have played for a little bit while you were at sponsor meeting," Ilya said sheepishly.
"Ilya!"
"I wanted the ducks, Shane! Is not my fault!"
"Fine, whatever, I'll get ducks, too," Shane mumbled. "Have you gone into the mines yet?"
"Nyet, too scary," Ilya said, turning his laptop back toward himself. "I am much better with hockey stick than with sword."
Shane hummed and returned to his own game. Ilya had been right, he did almost forget to feed his chickens before going to bed. His phone vibrated on the couch beside him and he picked it up to read his latest text from Rose. He barked out a laugh and quickly typed out a response.
"You're never going to guess who Rose has decided to go after," Shane said as he placed his phone back down.
The day after Shane and Ilya had downloaded Stardew Valley, Shane had mentioned it to Rose while on the phone with her. She was filming in Ottawa next month and wanted to get together with him and Ilya for dinner, and after finalizing their plans, he told her all about the fun pixel art farming game that had enraptured him and his husband within 24 hours of playing. Needless to say, she was hooked now as well.
"Mmm," Ilya tapped his chin, "I am going to guess Hayley."
"W-wait, how did you know that? Did she tell you?" Shane's eyes were wide.
Ilya barked out a laugh. "Of course she did not tell me, was a good guess. Rose Landry is very obvious."
"She's literally one of my best friends and even I never would have guessed that she would go for Haley!" Shane's voice rose slightly.
"Shane, she claims that she is straight, but clearly has an appreciation for beautiful women," Ilya patted his arm affectionately. "Haley is closet thing to movie star that Stardew Valley has. And she is like project, yes? Starts out cold and bitchy, but warms up to you eventually. You know how much Rose loves a project."
"Okay, yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense," Shane sighed, feeling only a little bit jealous of the fact that Ilya could read people so well.
"Have you, uh," Ilya returned his gaze to his screen, his tone even and maybe a little too casual, "do you know who you are going to marry?"
"Oh," Shane rubbed at the back of his neck, "no, not really. Honestly, I don't know if I will marry anyone. It feels weird, right?"
"Weird how?" Ilya arched his brow.
"Like, I'm married in real life. To you. It feels weird to be actively trying to romance someone else," Shane mumbled, his voice low.
"Shane, moya lyubuv, it is just a game," Ilya huffed out a laugh. "I promise, I will not be offended if you romance handsome pixel men."
"I know, I just—I don't know. I don't think I will," Shane replied. "Anyway, we should probably go into the mines soon, right? We'll need materials for upgrades."
"Yes, sure," Ilya nodded, eyeing his husband with the tiniest crumb of suspicion.
By the time Monday rolled around, Shane and Ilya had each logged close to 15 hours in Stardew Valley, having nearly doubled their playtime that weekend when they had no practice or games. As they walked into the Centaurs arena, they were greeted by their team's head of social media, Harris Drover, and their teammate, Troy Barrett—who was also Harris' boyfriend and one of Ilya's closest friends.
"Hey, guys!" Harris smiled brightly at them. "What did you get up to this weekend?"
"Oh, hey," Shane waved a hand at them, "not much really, just—"
"Do not listen to him," Ilya cut in impatiently, "we both upgraded our barns and got sheep! They are so cute and fluffy! I have two now, I have named them—"
"I'm sorry, you what?" Troy interrupted.
"Did you guys buy a farm and not tell anyone?" Harris' eyes were wide. "I am so confused."
"No, no," Shane shook his head, huffing out a small laugh, "he is talking about in this game we both play—"
"Is called Stardew Valley and it is the best game," Ilya exclaimed. "You have heard of it, yes?"
"Oh! Actually, yeah!" Harris laughed, rubbing a hand down his beard. "I actually play Stardew Valley, too!"
"Harris! I knew there was a reason you were my favorite!" Ilya placed his hands on Harris' shoulders and shook him gently. "Tell me all about your farm! Have you gotten horse yet?"
Troy rolled his eyes and turned to go into the locker room. "I'll leave you farmers to it. Some of us have hockey to play."
"Bah! Is only practice, and I am captain," Ilya waved a hand at him. "I must hear all about the Harris Farm!"
"Well, this probably won't surprise you, but my current file I'm playing is an apple orchard," Harris laugh, clearly amused by Ilya's antics. "I have a yellow lab dog that I named after my childhood dog, Chester, and I actually have been playing for a few years, so I've gotten all of the animals on a few different farms."
"You are a Stardew Guru!" Ilya's voice rose excitedly, making both Harris and Shane laugh.
"Okay, but now I have to know, who are you going to marry? Or have you already married someone?" Shane asked.
"Oh, don't you worry, Alex and I are happily married and have adopted two kids—a boy and a girl," Harris told him.
"See! Is not weird, Shane!" Ilya nudged his husband, then turned to Harris. "Shane does not want to marry anyone in the game because we are already married in real life. But you have married Alex, but you are with Troy."
"Actually, Alex reminded me a little bit of Troy," Harris smiled, "that's why I picked him. That way, I got my sweet jock both in real life and in the game. They're both handsome and athletic, with crunchy outsides and gooey insides."
"Yes, Troy is very much like tasty candy bar in that way," Ilya nodded sagely.
"So, you don't feel weird about it because it's kind of like dating Troy?" Shane asked, his tone serious.
"I mean, sure," Harris shrugged, "but it's also just a game, Shane. It's really not that deep, I promise."
Shane chewed on his bottom lip, unsure how to respond to that. He knew it was a game, and that it wasn't real, but choosing to marry and live with and have children with someone who wasn't his real husband? His perfect Ilya? It just felt... wrong. He wondered if Ilya would marry someone in the game soon, or if it felt wrong to him as well. He certainly didn't seem to care much about it, considering he poked fun at Shane's hesitation every time they played together.
Maybe Ilya had already found someone in the town that he could see himself with the same way he saw himself with Shane.
The thought made something ugly twist sharply in Shane's chest.
Eventually, Harris waved goodbye to them, retreating back to his office, and Shane and Ilya headed to the locker room to prepare for practice.
"Wyatt, can I ask you something?" Shane pulled off his sweat soaked compression shirt and turned to face Wyatt Hayes.
"Sure, man, everything okay?"
"Yeah, totally, I just—it's about Stardew," Shane tossed his shirt in his bag and pushed his damn hair back from his forehead.
"Oh! Okay, yeah, go for it," Wyatt's shoulders lowered, clearly relieved.
"You know how you and Dr. Lisa both chose other people to marry in the game?" Shane asked, voice hushed as though they were discussing a dirty secret.
"Yeah?" Wyatt raised an eyebrow, unsure of where the conversation was going.
"Did you guys ever, like, feel weird about it?"
"Do you feel weird about it?" Wyatt asked him.
"I don't know," Shane rubbed at the back of his neck, avoiding his eyes, "it just feels wrong, I guess? Like, I know it's just a game, but I'm married in real life. It feels weird to be putting in time and effort into actively trying to get with someone else."
"You know, I can see why your brain would think that," Wyatt nodded. "To answer your question, Lisa and I never felt any sort of way about it, but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. Your brain just sees things more in black and white—with less gray area in the middle—but there's nothing wrong with that."
"Yeah, I guess that's true," Shane mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed—not for the first time—about the way his brain seemed to process things differently than how others did.
"Shane," Wyatt's hand landed on his shoulder reassuringly, "games are meant to be fun. An escape from the hellscape of reality. Don't let it stress you out, yeah? Just play however feels right for you."
"Thanks, Wyatt," Shane smiled shyly.
Wyatt nodded at him and turned back to his own stall, leaving Shane to think about what he had said. He knew that Wtayy was right; games were meant to be fun. It didn't really matter how he played. He left the arena with Ilya feeling somewhat lighter.
That night, Shane and Ilya sat at opposite sides of their couch, feet stretched out and touching the other. Their laptops were propped up on their laps.
"What about Shane?" Shane asked suddenly.
"What about him?" Ilya asked, not looking up from his screen.
"For marriage, I mean. He's got a lot of issues, but it's kind of endearing, don't you think?"
"His name is Shane," Ilya replied, "you don't think that would be weird?"
"No, not really?" Shane shrugged. "There's also Sebastian, everyone seems to really like him as a partner."
"Ah, he is your type?" Ilya's gaze snapped up to Shane's, his eyes narrowed.
"I mean—no, I don't think so. Is he yours?" Shane asked.
"Do not worry about my Stardew Valley life, and I will not worry about yours," Ilya huffed.
"What? Wait—are you married?" Shane's eyes were fully locked on his husband now, his heart suddenly fluttering uneasily in his chest.
"Do not worry about it," Ilya shook his head, "just focus on having your own perfect little farm life and your perfect little marriage."
"But I'm not—"
"Want to race to level 60 of the mines tonight? I am on level 45 now," Ilya cut in dismissively.
"Oh. Okay, sure. I hit level 50 last night," Shane mumbled, eyes returning to his screen. He felt a sense of unease seep into his body.
Ilya hummed in acknowledgement.
They played for another hour—in near complete silence—before going to bed.
Another week passed, and the invisible fog tension that had appeared between Shane and Ilya only seemed to grow thicker. They still woke up in the same bed, had their breakfast and coffee together, and drove together for practice and games—maintaining their image as loving husbands—but even their team had started to notice the way they avoided each other in the locker room, and how they chose not to sit together on the plane during their first away game of the season.
"Hey, is everything okay with you two?" Troy asked bluntly as he sat on the locker room bench beside Ilya. "Things have seemed pretty tense lately."
"Yes," Ilya said, his voice tight, "my husband has just been keeping secrets from me lately—"
"Ilya," Shane hissed from across the visitor locker room, "you know that's not true. You've been keeping secrets from me!"
"What the fuck is happening right now?" Bood asked, his face stern.
"Shane will not tell me who he has fallen in love with—"
"Ilya!"
"—as if I do not have the right to know as his husband!" Ilya gestured wildly with his hands.
A chorus of shocked and confused voices rang out across the locker room.
"Wait, what?"
"Hollander is having an affair?"
"What the fuck, man?"
"Wait, wait," Wyatt turned from his stall to face the rest of the room, "are we talking about Stardew Valley again? Is that what this has been about?"
"Of course!" Ilya exclaimed, as if it were obvious.
"You guys are fucking ridiculous," Bood dragged his hands down his face, "I am not getting in the middle of this. We've got a game to play, so get your heads in the game."
Ilya shot a look at his husband, eyes narrowed, and Shane looked down at the ground, feeling humiliated.
They lost the game.
The plane ride back to Ottawa was quiet, the atmosphere heavy with the disappointment of having lost their first away game. The drive back home was similarly, painfully silent. Ilya tapped his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel, and Shane's jaw was clenched so tightly he felt like he might crack a tooth.
"I don't understand why you will not tell me," Ilya spoke up as they slowed to a stop at a red light. "I am your husband. I deserve to know."
"Ilya," Shane sighed in exasperation, "I didn't even get married—"
"Do not lie to me, Shane," Ilya snapped his head to the side to glare at him, "I saw on your screen that someone else is living with you now. Who is it? Did you choose Shane? Or was it Sebastian? Like you said, everyone loves him!"
"And what about you?" Shane snapped. "This feels a lot like you're projecting, you know. And you've got twice the amount to pick from. You could have Leah, or Haley, or Abigail, in addition to the list of bachelors. Or are you going to play like Haas and just collect partners like trading cards—"
"I would never cheat!" Ilya hissed.
The light turned green and they continued on with the drive home.
Shane sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He mumbled something into his palms that Ilya could not quite hear.
"What was that?" He asked him, eyes still trained on the road.
"I said, I didn't get married," Shane sighed. "I got a roommate. Not a husband."
"Is same thing, Shane—"
"Just—shut up and listen, okay?" Shane's cheeks were reddened slightly, and something about the way the city lights reflected in his glassy eyes made Ilya swallow and nod silently. "I didn't want to get married in the game. It felt wrong, since I already have the perfect husband in real life. I talked to Wyatt about how he and Lisa handled it, and he made me realize that this game is supposed to be fun for us, not stressful. He also understood the way I tend to think of things as being either right or wrong, or black and white, with no wiggle room in the middle."
Ilya nodded once more, remaining silent.
"So, I looked into it. I found a thread on Reddit from people who felt similarly to how I feel, and they found a solution that I hadn't considered before," Shane smiled shyly. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I didn't feel good about getting married, but I wanted the option of seeing what it was like to have someone else in my house, helping with the chores, giving me items from time to time."
"So, who did you pick?" Ilya swallowed audibly, as though he were terrified to hear the answer.
"Krobus," Shane huffed out a small laugh. "You can't marry him. He's not even human."
"Wait—" Ilya's eyes were wide, "I did not know that was even an option!"
"Me neither," Shane said, "but you can ask him to move in with you, and he has his own little room that he brings along, and he does all the same stuff that a spouse would do around the farm... but without being married, or kissing, or having kids."
"I see..." Ilya smiled to himself, realizing that his husband hadn't chosen someone else after all. "Why did you not just tell me?"
"I don't know," Shane sighed, "I think maybe I was just embarrassed. Like, I know you know how my brain works—"
"Better than anyone," Ilya nodded affirmatively.
"—but it still felt like I was being a little more neurotic than usual," Shane's shoulders slumped at the admission.
"Shane, I love your brain, you know this," Ilya's voice was low and comforting, easing the tension in Shane's bones.
"I know that, but," Shane chewed at his bottom lip, "your brain doesn't think like mine. I'm sure you don't feel weird at all about finding a husband—or a wife—in the game."
Shane took a deep breath and chanced a glance at his husband. Ilya was still smiling, shaking his head slowly.
"Shanya," Ilya said softly, "I felt very much the same. I already have the most perfect husband in real life—who took me ten years to win over, by the way—so I did not really feel like I needed to experience that in silly game as well. I do not need anyone but you."
"What? You never—but don't you feel like you're missing out?" Shane's eyes were wide.
"Oh, moya lyubuv, I never, ever feel like like I am missing out when I have you," Ilya told him as he reached over to grab Shane's hand in his own. His hand was warm and heavy. It settled Shane's nerves almost immediately.
"What the fuck is wrong with us?" Shane barked out a laugh, surprising Ilya and causing him to chuckle softly. "We are ridiculous."
"Yes, maybe," Ilya smirked at his husband, "but we are also ridiculous perfect for each other."
"We really are," Shane sighed contentedly. "So... we're good?"
"We are so, so good, malysh," Ilya brought Shane's knuckles to his mouth and kissed them gently. "Are you up for a Stardew couch date tonight? I need materials for my final house upgrade and I need emotional support from my husband for when I go into the mines. I want a room to display all of my fish."
"I'll be there," Shane smiled sweetly.
He couldn't wait to get home to their house, and sit on their couch, and play their game together, with his perfect husband.