Chapter Text
Ramona left Sterling Point at the end of the summer, believing she had nothing left there anymore. Steven and Connor took her to New York without any hesitation, eager to show her how it feels to be but an atom inside of this giant city life. Things with Annie were…different. At least to what they had built during the summer. They’ve talked it over the phone numerous time since the departure and Ramona knows Annie was nothing but sincere with every intention, action and word. She understood it after some time and realized that they made right choices for each other during that day.
It really wasn’t easy for them to ease up to the new reality of basically changing places with one another. Especially without seeing Annie for a few months. But it’s good now. They talk about what’s happening in Ramona’s new high school, how she thinks all the movies about New York are bullshit but also how she finds some places here quite charming, fierce and reminding her of herself. They also talk about Sterling Point. Not that much though, Annie mostly focuses on Ellis, the Marina and assuring Ramona that Gordon’s cottage is still standing. After that much time Annie learned it’s sometimes just better not to mention every detail from Muskoka to Ramona.
They really had to get there through quite a few misread conversations by Annie and some Ramona-style crashouts. The walls Ramona built around herself had thinned with Annie since they met, she genuinely loves her sister, but she’s still quick to run and hide when something hurts. And yeah, there are some ghosts of Muskoka that really haunt her sometimes. Especially the one with big, doe-like eyes, hands that touched her more softly than anyone ever had, and that goddamn voice, the thought of which makes Ramona so furious she could burst into flames. Yeah. That one is a no-go during her calls with Annie.
Annie tries to avoid it now though. She’s making an effort, which is greatly appreciated. Speaking of her sister…she was supposed to call her like half an hour ago. Ramona is sitting in Annie’s (Theirs?) bedroom, scrolling her time away, while the snow is softly falling outside of her window. But finally, she sees the caller ID pop up top of the screen.
„Fucking finally dude…I was about to start calling the missing person hotline” She smiles as she hears Annie’s soft laugh through her phone.
„Sorry Ramona, it took Ellis and me longer to get back to the cottage due to the snow. I’m alive. Cold as fuck, but alive. How’s December in the Big Apple looking for you?”
Ramona peeked through the window, lights from the distant buildings look rather charming on the snowy evenings. She sighed. „I don’t find it any different from the November and October versions you know? It’s still wet, just colder…”
„Okay, you know I wasn’t talking about the weather Ramona… it’ll be the first Christmas without Gordon…Are you okay being there for the holidays?” Annie’s voice got softer.
„Yeah, it’s not like I have anywhere else to be. It’ll be fine, you know I love spending time with the boys and you’re flying in in what, 2 weeks? That’s honestly everything I need right now.” Ramona kept looking at the snow, going back to holidays with Gordon. Yeah...Muskoka’s winters were something else…I’ll definitely be different and maybe even sad in some moments. But she’s excited to see Annie and finally be able to hang out with her sister again. The first few days when she gets here will obviously need some patience but Ramona’s sure it will be a good Christmas.
„Are you sure you don’t want to come here instead?” That just momentarily pulled her out of her thought.
„Why the fuck would I want that? We talked about this Annie, I really don’t need to be stuck in the Muskoka snow to feel all fucking jolly.” She got a bit irritated by this suggestion.
„Okay, sorry. I just thought it may be too much for you. First moving, then the new school and now first holidays with basically everything new around you. I know it can be a sensitive time for some people so I suggested something familiar to you-„”
„Okay Annie, thank you, but no. I like it here, just get on the plane in two weeks and don’t mention it again. Please?” Ramona knows it was just genuine care from Annie, but she has told her tens of Times that the lack of familiarity is what she needs now. Her world was so small, she just cannot go back there. And she would also probably turn into the fucking Grinch if she even sighted Oona’s shadow somewhere.
„Okay, I won’t mention it. I promise I’m boarding that plane.” Ramona sighed with relief at Annie’s words and jumped back on the bed.
„Steven mentioned you never really enjoyed Christmas…you could show me around your favorite places here during your stay, in a non-christmasy way.” Ramona smirked to herself, she kind of expected Annie to be the type to love Christmas.
„Yeah, I don’t…There was always someone missing and mom’s absence was so felt in the air during occasions like this...But hey, new family member on board, new approach to everything. I’ll try to show you as much as I can when I’m there. And it may be a bit Christmasy. I’ll allow it.” Annie said that
„Oh? Don’t get so generous sis…I might think you actually are looking forward to the holidays” This made Annie laugh. Ramona always likes to make her sister laugh.
„Yeah, scary huh? But I actually might. For the first time in a long time. I might even get us those matching sweaters and giant mugs?” Annie was laughing
„Fuck no, that’s too far even for me and my cold Canadian soul” They both laughed, the atmosphere from earlier disappeared into a familiar ease. It always does with Annie, eventually.
„Okay, we will see about that…Oh Ellis says hi!...what? Ah… and that he’s bummed not to see you for this long…and, what? Jesus Ellis just get the phone…” Ramona burst out laughing, they, however disgustingly, were quite cute and amusing together. Ramona loves both of them, even though Ellis turned out not to be her brother, she might still see him like that.
„Ramona? Hey man! Merry Christmas!”
„Ellis, it’s literally December 3rd…”
„Okay so? Isn’t the whole point of December just Christmas?” Ramona rolled her eyes but smiled.
„You’re lucky you have a pretty face dude…Merry Christmas. Everything good at the Marina?”
„Yeah, pretty much. It’s always tough during winter but you know we always manage. Okay Annie wants the phone back. Talk to you soon!”
„Jesus Annie, you run a strict fucking programme there huh?”
„Very funny. Okay Ramona, I have to get going, we’re having a deceber kick-off hangout here later and I’m way behind schedule...” Oh. Yeah, that sometimes stung Ramona. The fact is that Annie now has Ramona’s friends around her. And Ramona doesn’t really have anyone. Here nor there. Not anymore.
„Oh…um, have fun. Say hi to Sully and Maple from me. See you soon.”
„Ramona, wait-„ Ramona hung up the call. Yeah, she shouldn’t have done that. She already starts to feel guilty for pulling that shit on Annie again.
Ramona Rolls on her stomach and writes a quick text to Annie.
Sorry…I hope you have fun. Love you, Annie. -Ramona, 5,35pm
It’s ok! Thanks x Love you! – Annie, 5,37pm
Ramona doesn’t really have any plans for today, sos he takes out a joint from her bed drawer and goes to sit by the window. She slightly opens it and takes the lighter out. It’s really cold, but she doesn’t mind. She never minded cold. Her thoughts drift away to the people in Muskoka. Her people. Or, used to be hers. It’s not like she had made no friends here…but people back there where like a family at this point.
It will never feel the same. But she never wants to feel the hearbreak Muskoka brought her. First with her mom, then with Gordon and lastly with Oona. She hates spelling out that name in her thoughts. She felt so guilty about some of the words she said before she left, but then, maybe if Oona didn’t break up with her, she wouldn’t have said them.
It’s such a fucked-up feeling, simultaniously getting her heart broken and yelling in Oona’s face about her biggest trauma. But Ramona did try to talk. She’s sure Maple told Oona she’d been on their boat before leaving for New York. HJowever, Oona never reached out. Not once. So, Ramona eventually welcomed the thought of them being over in her mind. The thought of never seeing or hearing her again. These thoughts were like unwelcome guests that crash into your parties in the worst moments imaginable.
They always seemed to know when Ramona was about to have fun or just feel happy. She couldn’t count how many times she went out with her new friends and boom. Suddenly she imagined how much better the party could be if she just saw those damn blonde curls somewhere in the crowd. Or how a conversation could interest her a thousand times more if she heard a weirdly attractive British accent in that sea of posh networkers. Or how much nicer it would be to flirt with that pretty girl if she had those big eyes, the ones that used to look at her like she was everything.
But it was never her. She just fucking haunted herm in and Ramona was furious at herself. She was so mad because sometimes, these thoughts were the best parts of her day. Even if she sometimes cried about them later. She was still yet to find something or someone even remotely close to bringing that thrill of excitement and happiness in her like Oona did. She wasn’t miserable here. She actually liked the city and life with Steven and Connor. She felt good about leaving. She was, in some parts happy.
She saw how different life could be, compared to what she knew from Muskoka. Here, Ramona feels like she has a choice. And she chooses this life, every day. That brings her pride of some sorts. Because no one expects anything of her. No one anticipates one or another decision. She can stay, leave, educate, explore. Yeah, she’s perfectly okay here.
She finishes smoking her joint and closes the windows. There’s a photo of her with Gordon on her nightstand. She reaches for the other photo, the one of her and Annie. Sisters. She’s happy for her. Ramona is really proud of Annie for choosing for herself. But she also quietly envies her this evening. Because Ramona knows whose laugh her sister will hear tonight, whose voice will chat to her about fuck knows what.
Because despite everything good here, some nights Ramona was lonely. Like this city was too big to consider her a part of it. Because her heart was still somewhere near that musty Muskoka marina, floating on a docked houseboat.