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King Viserys had just died and Alicent was in her room taking thirst trap photos of herself to send to Rhaenyra. She was supposed to be mourning or whatever, but she had no time for that. If she acted quickly she could still be Queen consort.
She looked at her reflection. She was beautiful, but not in a slutty way like Rhaenyra. Her hair was long and red. Her large dark brown orbs were the color of brown. Her boobs were demure, not honkingly giant like Rhaenyra's. The princess was always too much, from her dresses to her big knockers. It was lewd. Alicent was not lewd—she was a pure lady.
“Alicent!” Otto yelled “Get down here!” His voice was loud and authoritative, he had been working on it all morning.
“What is it father?” Alicent yelled back, pulling her dark red hair into a messy bun. She was dressed in a sweatshirt for some reason, and shorts with sneakers. She was different from other girls. Better. She walked down the stairs and saw her children and Otto sitting around a table together. They were playing cards, and Helaena was winning.
Behind them stood the boyband One Direction. What were they doing here? What was a band?
“Your new owners are here.” Otto stated as he lost another round. Aegon cackled as he took his earnings. He was good at gambling and bad at most other things.
“M-my what?” Alicent stammered, perfect pink lips opening in shock.
“Your new owners, you useless daughter! Now that Viserys is dead, you need to go to a new home.”
“B-but why?” Alicent cried, her brown orbs filling with tears. Otto laughed evilly, like Palpatine or some shit.
“How else do you think I was able to pay for these clothes and my drug addiction?” There was ye old crack on the table.
“I don't want to.” Alicent stomped her foot. She had already been sold to Viserys and that had been a disaster. Otto really knew how to choose them.
“Well too bad. I've already sold you. I need drug money.” Otto replied snarkily. He was rude because he was old.
“You don't do drugs.” Otto was part of the neighborhood watch and always chased Daemon when he got too close to drugs.
“Don't tell me what to do.” Otto said like a child, but a really ugly old one. Sort of like the Voldemort thing in Harry Potter or Rumpelstilton from Twilight. God he was ugly.
“I'm Harry Styles.” The boy named Harry Styles said. Alicent squinted at him. Was he one of Rhaenyra's? Jace? Why was Jace here?
“I didn't ask.” Kids these days. The boyband suddenly formed a line and began to dance together.
“You're messing with my head
Girl that's what you do best!” The boyband called One Direction sang dramatically. It gave Alicent the ick.
“Won't someone defend my honor?” Alicent bemoaned her children who ignored her. “Please! This is not right, surely there must be a brave soul who would not allow me to be sold to these prepubescent boys?” She grasped at her bosom.
“I'll save you, my queen!” Ser Cole cried out, dashing forward and drawing his blade. Alicent scoffed, immediately disgusted. The ick again.
“Nevermind, let's go.” She led the boys towards the door. Cole wept as he watched her leave. Would he ever find love?
“Come on love,” the boy that wasn't Harry Styles said sexily. “Let's go to the bus.” He gallantly offered his scrawny noodle arm.
“What's a bus?” Aemond asked from the table. He was asking the real questions.
The bus was fancy, and rich. It smelled like teenage boys though. Axe body spray? Pizza was everywhere. What was pizza? Pizza Hut??
Disgusting.
Alicent would not sit down. She did not know what had been done to these cushions. She needed to get a maid in here. Or a ye old vacuum.
“What does this contract of yours stipulate?” She asked, right down to business.
“We paid your mean father to have you with us.” Harry Styles said, making winking faces at himself in the mirror. Jace?
“We share you.” One of the boys that wasn't Harry Styles said as he plopped down on a cushion.
“Like a timeshare. Or Airbnb.” Said another. Alicent didn't know what any of the words meant. Another boy dropped down across the table like some sort of wild animal.
“Get your feet off the furniture.” Alicent wagged her finger. A bunch of animals. Where was their mother? Since when was slavery legal?
“No!”
Damn, it was like Aegon all over again. But less musty.
“And where do I sleep?” Would they expect her to share a bed with them? Would she be forced to bend to the will of these boys that would someday be men? Where was the justice? The dignity? Where was her bed?
“There's room on the counter.” Alicent looked over in disgust. How was she supposed to sleep in these conditions? There was only one bathroom. No sensible decoration, and no Sept! This was awful. Where was Alicent supposed to pray?
Alicent wailed dramatically. Sold by her father for his own gain. How could he do this to her? This was so unlike him. Wait…
There was an explosion and suddenly Rhaenyra was there, wind blowing through her hair and breasts heaving like from an episode of Bridgerton.
“Rhaenyra you've come for me!” Alicent wailed, reaching out with grabby hands for her most supple bosom. She buried her face in those glorious titties, weeping at first for the injustice of her life then immediately settling down as she kept her face planted in Rhaenyra's breasts.
“No! Don't leave.” A boy called out.
“I don't want to be here.” Alicent explained again. “It smells…well it smells better than Aegon, but still smells bad. Do none of you open windows?”
“Mad woman, bad woman
That's just what you are.” The boyband cried together.
“Don't sing to me in that tone of voice!” Alicent scolded, waggling her finger. She turned back to Rhaenyra who was looking really fit. “Uwu Rhaenyra you've come to rescue me.” Alicent nearly swooned.
“I guess.” Rhaenyra shrugged. She had been out on her daily walks and had seen the bus. She was just curious.
“My father has done the unthinkable!” Alicent wailed. “He has sold me to…to them!”
“That's pretty thinkable actually.” Rhaenyra shrugged. Otto was predictable like that. “I'll take you home if you want. We can kill Otto on the way. As a treat.”
“Oh Rhaenyra,” Alicent gushed, years filling her eyes. “Of course!"
The boyband suddenly cried out in unison, rushing forward.
“She's so mean, but I gotta love it
And I just can't let her go!”
Rhaenyra finally noticed the boy band called One Direction. She frowned, hands on hips as she looked them over. They immediately looked away nervously, twiddling their thumbs. She was very attractive.
“And who are you?” Rhaenyra asked, and they began to dance and sing. All circling Rhaenyra like vultures.
“Baby, you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed.”
Rhaenyra suddenly lifted Harry Styles by the shoulders and squinted at him. “Are you one of mine?” Harry Styles stared at her in awe, too nervous to move. Rhaenyra turned him this way and that, examining him like some sort of bug or animal.
“There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate
I'm yours!” The boy named Harry Styles sang.
Rhaenyra shrugged and put Harry Styles in the chest baby carrier she used for her children. She must have missed this one. She patted his head and offered him a cookie from her cleavage, where she kept many treats.
“Come on Alicent, I wanna go home.” Rhaenyra called out. She had a busy schedule. Daemon was currently on child watching duty and was no doubt teaching them terrible war crimes.
“You'll never feel like you're alone
I'll make this feel like home!”
Ser Cole had just reached the bus and was about to pry the doors open when Rhaenyra kicked a hole through it, sending the knight flying across the ye old parking lot. Harry Styles was strapped to her chest, Alicent was clinging to her waist. Rhaenyra looked around dramatically, hair blowing in the wind.
Damn she was hot.
The rest of the boy band One Direction followed behind, adopted by Rhaenyra who was always taking in strays. Cole lay dejectedly on the ground, watching them leave him behind.
“Baby, you light up my world like nobody else-” He began in a thin, warbling voice.
“Shut up Cole.” Alicent barked over her shoulder, as she clutched at Rhaenyra's arm, staring at her like someone stared at a really good looking dish of food. Like rotisserie chicken, or cake.
Cole still hated this fucking family.