Chapter Text
Batburger takeout sprawled the floor as everyone sat around the floor of the manor’s living room gorging on their post-patrol second dinner. Conversation and bickering sparked between bites of food and sips of sodas. Dick joined in on the chatter – he always did – but like always, he was yet to take a bite of his own burger. Idly letting it sit and marinate further in its own grease as he tried to keep up with Tim and Damian’s usual jabs at one another, holding it his hands ready to take a bite he knew he would never actually will himself to take.
Dick wanted to get better – or at least wanted to try and get better – the burger in his hands living proof. Batburger nights always meant getting himself a diet soda under the excuse that his first dinner itself had been heavy in his stomach, keeping him full even now. It was the same “I’m not hungry” over and over as he fought back winces from his cramping stomach that begged for something, anything that wasn’t just another liquid suppressant. But here he sat now, holding a – or more nursing – a standard Batburger with no cheese (250 calories) with a diet coke on the side (zero to one calories, negligible), rounding his meal to a small 250 calories. That had to be progress, right? Upping his intake today by a whole two-hundred-fifty, having two meals a day and not just one?
He knew deep down it wasn’t real progress though, it was nothing but an idea of progress until he actually ate the calories, not just looked at it like his eyes would eat it for him. It was do-able, obviously it was! Dick was him, circus acrobat, first robin, first sidekick, a cop who had an on foot pursuit this afternoon, went to the gym this morning, and patrolled all night, he earned himself a second meal today.
Dick lifted the burger an inch closer to his lips,
“I earned this today.”
Dick lifted it another inch closer.
“I earned this today.”
Another inch closer.
“I earned this today.”
Another inch.
“I earned this today.”
Finally close enough to bite.
“I earned this toda- Tim quit antagonizing Damian.”
The words left Dick before he could process it, making both his younger brothers look at him, one with a grin and one with a small scowl.
Tim leaned back into his seat with a small snicker as put another whole nugget into his mouth. Damian’s head snapped to Tim at the laugh, but the youngest just let out a huff before going back to his own food. Another argument broken before it began, Tim and Damian got along most times, but sometimes their harmless bickering would push far out and morph into an anger fueled argument. Dick sighed mid chew at the idea of an argument breaking out now of all times, after a rough patrol where everyone had at least gotten one good hit on them.
Dick paused mid thought, chew? He was chewing? No, no his mouth was empty, but he could have sworn he took a bite…right? Eyes traced down to where his arms had fallen back down, standard Batburger with no cheese still in his hands, still un-touched.
He knew it shouldn’t have, but the sight of the untouched food sent a flood of relief through him. Seeing all two-hundred-fifty calories still in his hands and nowhere near his body felt like some kind of sick victory. Maybe the fact that Dick still registered the burger in his hands as its caloric number first was a sign that he wasn’t ready, that he couldn’t do this. Maybe he didn’t earn anything today.
Gaze moving up, Dick saw Jason next to him. Legs crossed and silent as he picked at the scraps left of his fries. Jason was still integrating back into the family, it was awkward – hence his lack of contribution to the conversations – to say simply, but Dick didn’t care, that was still his little brother, his little-wing that wasn’t as little as he once was. Jason had gotten big, so big in fact. Shooting over six-foot – taller than him now – and weighing over 200 pounds with mainly muscle. That’s probably how he had two deluxe Batburgers (550 calories each) and a medium fry (350 calories) and was still hungry enough to try and scavenge for french fry scraps even after a 1,450 calorie meal.
Guilt quickly crashed Dick’s thoughts. Why was he calculating the calories of his brother's meal? It was unneeded, it was a stupid comparison, so why was he still doing it?
“Here.”
Dick offered with a small nudge before his thoughts could swallow him up again. Standard Batburger with no cheese now further away from him than it had been all night as he offered it up to Jason.
“I had my own food Dickhead, eat your burger-”
“I’m not hungry, it’s fine just take it Jay.”
He cut off to insist harder, pushing the two-hundred-fifty calories closer to Jason and into his hands, he deserved the food more than him, he earned it more than Dick ever could . The younger looked at him with hesitation. It was clear he did want it, want it in the same way a little kid wanted the candy his father would offer him. Guilty desire.
“Thanks.”
Jason mumbled as he shifted to take the burger from Dick’s grasp, eyes lingering on his older brother for a few seconds extra before turning back to the havoc that was a normal night in the manor. Tim and Damian bicker again but with the addition of Steph’s own commentary, Cass leaning on Bruce as she and Duke spoke, and Bruce reading a book with one hand and clutching a burger in the other.
Dick just smiled at the sight of his family eating well. Even as his stomach twisted and cramped his abdomen from the one meal he allowed himself, even as he felt faint, and even as his head finally calmed down when his hand’s rid of the extra calories.
Dick had tried to get better.
Dick had failed.
He would try again another time.
He would just try and enjoy the moment while he still could now.