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Monday… This day is always the start of something. And for the case of high school students, it’s never the start of something good. It means another unbearingly long school week. More homework, surprise quizzes, boring lectures… a god-forsaken mixture of mundane and horrifying. Luckily though, it’s 3:45 P.M, and everyone from Norrisville High had already gone home by now. Only four more days until the weekend… Monday is thankfully over.
…But not for Randy Cunningham.
“Okay, can we just get this over with? Normally, I would love kicking your butts, but on a Monday afternoon? Seriously?” Randy complained. “ I had a long day! I would have literally preferred if you took me on some other day!”
Randy–as The Ninja–was speaking to an immensely huge crowd of strong Ninja-killing robots that stretched across the field of Norrisville High’s entrance. The very sight of them was enough to make him want to drop to the ground.
From within one of the robots’ speakers, an aggressive voice spoke.
“We are fighting you today, whether you like it or not!” McFist shouted proudly. “I know you’re a student here, and I had to take advantage of that!”
“You mean I had to take advantage of that…” A calmer, more collected voice argued.
“No, Viceroy! I took advantage!” McFist yelled to his scientist. Viceroy sighed irritably.
“Really?” Viceroy mocked, “Were you the one who drew the blueprints? Programmed the robots? Or, I don’t know, drafted the actual plan in the first place?”
“Don’t sass me!” McFist yelled again, “Do you want me to cancel our evening plans?!”
Randy rolled his eyes in impatience.
“Boys, boys, I think you both deserve credit…” He announced, drawing his sword. “For being total cowards!”
Randy assumed a fighting stance.
“Hiding in your HQ while letting your robots do your dirty work…” He continued, “Y’all make me sick, but you’re lucky I’m too tired to get you. Come at me, robot shoobs!”
Then, in just one second, Randy dashed towards the robot crowd, beginning the clash of metal and… unbalanced sword. A grueling P.E session from Coach Green earlier that day upped the effort needed for its performance. Randy’s body was heavy. His muscles ached, and it took every ounce of energy he had to keep his vision from blurring. Yet, no matter what, he persisted. He had to.
Randy slashed incoming robots with his sword, and sent Ninja Hot Balls towards those from afar. He repeated this routine, often changing Ninja Balls with each cycle. Randy could perform some cool moves, maybe a backflip here and a wall-climb there, but right now, he wanted nothing more than for this excruciatingly long-lasting fight to be over. Besides, he was too worn out to even do these stunts, which annoyed him even more.
“Mondays…” Randy grumbled, tiredly impaling a robot’s chest.
After what felt like an entire day, the lush green field of Norrisville High’s entrance was filled with a huge, horrid mess of melted metal, sliced robot limbs, and piles of gears, bolts and wires. But finally, finally, there was only one set of robots left. With his eyes fixed on the fast-approaching enemies, Randy lifted his sword with all his remaining strength, then mercilessly sliced them all in halves, their remains dropping to the ground.
At last, the horde of killer robots was finally destroyed. Randy panted. He wanted to collapse onto the ground and let it absorb him, but he worried McFist and Viceroy would have another army coming, and strained to stay alert…
Out of the shadows, a perfectly intact robot made itself present. Randy expected this, and strenuously lifted up his sword, but the robot merely stood still at a distance, chuckling.
“Exhausted, are we?” Viceroy laughed sinisterly. “I know your–”
“I know your body must be!” McFist interrupted. “You won’t be able to move your body tomorrow morning. To relieve that pain, I’ll be bringing another army... Much bigger than this one!”
“...This is your plan?” Randy scoffed, lowering his sword. “Slowly exhaust me to death? Running out of ideas, are ya?”
“Well, Viceroy has been into slow burns lately.” McFist explained. “So, blame him for this idea!”
“So now it’s my idea…” Viceroy mumbled.
“Anyway! We’re going through with this!” McFist yelled. “See you tomorrow, Ninja! It’ll be the last tomorrow you’ll ever have!”
McFist cackled as a jetpack suddenly sprouted out of the robot’s back. The jetpack started up, its turbines whirring as the robot bent its knees to prepare for send-off… Then, the robot thrusted itself into the late blue-orange afternoon sky, leaving contrails as it flew from Norrisville High to McFist’s lavish headquarters. Randy waited in place for a moment, his sword still poised for battle. But after being completely sure that McFist and Viceroy were truly gone, Randy lowered his guard, sighing as he walked towards the tree where he hid his satchel.
“Stupid McFist.” Randy mumbled to himself, irritated. “I don’t wanna fight another army…”
Randy made it to the tree, de-masked, then opened his satchel to hide The Ninja Mask. Afterwards, he sat against the tree and took out his phone. It was now 4:15 in the afternoon. It was an hour–and a couple minutes, Randy counted–after dismissal.
“Call Howard.” Randy commanded his phone.
“Calling Howard…” it replied.
“Ugh, Mondays are straight-up wonk!” Randy complained to himself. “If it weren’t for P.E, I would have added some razzle-dazzle to that fight…”
“Tell me about it.” A familiar voice spoke in agreement. Howard answered the call.
“Oh, hey!” Randy exclaimed, his irritation slightly alleviating. “Didn’t realize you answered. Anyway, where are you? We have to get going. I’m in dire need of my bed.”
“I’m still in school.” Howard replied. “Just finished some vids while you fought. Making my way towards ya right now.”
“Alright, alright.” Randy said, “Man, I wish I could cut class tomorrow…”
“Hey, you can’t cut without me!” Howard retorted.
“Dude, of course I’d tag you along.” Randy chuckled, before sighing. “But it doesn’t matter. I don’t wanna use up another absence… plus, I'm The Ninja, obviously. I can’t.”
Howard stayed silent for the moment.
“Hey, I’m sure every Ninja had bad days…” He reassured, “Sleep on it. You’ll feel better.”
“Alright, Big H.” He replied, smiling.
“But I’m still open to cutting, just so you know…” Howard teased, which elicited a short laugh from Randy. “Anyways, Cunningham, I’m near the entra–”
Howard gasped lightly and suddenly stopped speaking.
“Uh, Howard…?” Randy asked before standing up. “Howard, you okay?”
“...Oh, sweet cheese…” Howard groaned. “Don’t look at the entrance.”
“...Dude.” Randy said impassively as he slowly turned his head towards the school entrance in retaliation. “If you say it like that I’m obviously gonna–”
“Whoa.”
Randy’s ears picked up a sweet yet distant voice, and the slow turn of his head suddenly quickened until the source of the voice was in his sights.
He saw Theresa, who had just exited the school’s premises.
With her satchel in hand, she stared at the heaps of robot carcasses surrounding the field.
“...Okay.” She shrugged, then began to walk away.
Randy’s eyes sparkled as he stared at her, but he immediately returned to his senses once he saw Howard, who had just come outside. Staying in place, he instantly found Randy, shot him a glare, then whispered into his phone.
“Cunningham, I know you’re tired, but for the love of all that is bruce, don’t even dare.” Howard ordered. “It’s fine if you’re with Fowler alone. But not with me! You guys–mostly you–are embarrassing!”
With their ears still stuck to their phones, Randy and Howard stared at each other from afar for a moment in a shared deadpan manner. Then, Randy brought his phone’s microphone closer to his mouth…
“I’ll do your homework for a month!” He whispered with a giddy smile.
Randy immediately sprinted towards Theresa, almost as if his body pain and tiredness had completely disappeared. Howard hung up and whined as he followed him, feeling the chills of secondhand embarrassment crawling up his spine already.
Theresa heard someone running towards her, and turned around to see Randy, who just caught up to her.
“Oh! Hi, Randy!” She greeted him cheerily.
“Theresa! Nice to see you! So I–” Randy greeted, but then he saw Theresa smile.
“So I… Um, er…” He stuttered.
Randy couldn’t understand why, but Theresa’s friendly, smiling, and pretty face made his brain short-circuit as sudden as his sprint towards her.
“Do… do you… um..” He began, internally panicking. “Okay, um, do you walk–I mean, want to... um…”
But Theresa just looked at him endearingly.
“Take your time.” She reassured, then chuckled. “It’s been a tiring Monday. You must be out of brain cells.”
The chaos within Randy’s mind instantly dissipated as he took in Theresa’s jest. He laughed in admiration. He wasn’t out of brain cells, but still, he greatly appreciated her patience.
“Man, sorry, can’t speak today!” Randy chuckled. Thinking clearly, he spoke, “Okay, I meant to say… Do you wanna walk home together?”
“Oh!” Theresa grinned. “Of course!”
“Awesome!” Randy beamed.
Theresa stared at the empty space around him.
“Any reason why…?” She asked.
His internal panic returned.
“Uhhhh, haha, well, you know…!” Randy nervously eyed his surroundings, then mentally yet impulsively encircled a face-saving excuse to walk with Theresa.
“Robots…” He began uncertainly, before confidently putting his hands on his hips. “Robots! Yeah! Look, there’s loads of them! They’re dead now, but who knows, an even bigger army might turn up on the way home!”
Theresa raised her eyebrow and snickered. “...Really?”
“Anything can happen in this town!” He continued, “Can’t blame me for wanting to protect my friends!”
“Well, you are very capable…” Theresa giggled. “But isn’t taking down a robot army The Ninja’s job?”
“...Ah. Right.” He whispered to himself, sheepishly crossing his arms.
Curse her smarts, he thought. She saw through his silly act and reminded him of his duties at the same time.
“No need to pretend around me!” She laughed endearingly, “Again, I’d love to walk home with you! I’m just wondering why you would without H–”
“Hey, you better slow your jets, T-Fowls! Cunningham’s taking me home first!”
Howard suddenly appeared behind the pair.
“Took you a while.” Randy chuckled.
“Ohhh, you were waiting.” Theresa realized. “Yep, just doesn’t make sense for you to walk home without Howard.”
Randy now understood why Theresa asked about a ‘reason’ for the walk.
“Oh! Well, yeah!” Randy spoke as he faced Howard, “Just like you and your batons, me and Howie are a package deal of biffers!”
He put his arm around Howard, who smiled smugly.
Randy faced Theresa again.
“Anyway, Howard needs to go home first.” He said, “He doesn’t know his way ba–Ow!”
Howard lightly hit Randy’s stomach with his elbow. Theresa stared awkwardly.
“Ahem…” Randy cleared his throat. “Nevermind.”
The afternoon sun slowly descends and the breeze shifts from warm to cool as Randy, Howard, and Theresa begin their leisurely walk back home. Knowing that sooner or later, Randy and Theresa’s interactions would become a straightforwardly lovey-dovey and awkward cringefest, Howard slowed his pace so he would be just behind them.
Randy turned his head around to face Howard, bearing a worried expression. Howard forced a smile and pulled a double thumbs-up at him, hinting that he’ll be right there, and that Randy would be just fine… He desperately hoped so, at least.
After surmising that Howard would be okay, Randy exhaled and faced Theresa, not wanting to waste this opportunity.
“So, Theresa,” He began, “Why were you at school so late anyway?”
“Oh, we just had some twirling practice.” Theresa answered casually.
Randy stared at her in bewilderment.
“...After P.E?” He asked incredulously. “You’re insane!”
“Well, I don’t feel any pain, so it’s whatever!” Theresa chuckled. “Besides, it’s bearable. I’ve been baton twirling since I was little. Plus, this is every Monday for me. I can take it.”
“No way…”
Still facing Theresa, Randy’s eyes lit up in amazement. Baton twirling was an intense sport… Well, based on what he had seen in the gym, at least. Yet, here Theresa was, easygoingly walking alongside him as if her Monday wasn’t as tiring as his.
“Hey, come on, don’t look at me like that!” Theresa muttered, her blushing face turning away from Randy.
Realizing how long he was staring, Randy turned away as well.
“Ahem, sorry!” He coughed, his face red as roses.
But, seconds later, a smile formed on his lips.
“Still... you’re unbelievable.” He chuckled, his expression brimming with admiration. “Your skills are like… ninja-levels of bruce-tastic. How are you not tired???”
“Oh, Randy,” Theresa laughed nervously, "This is typical for me. It’s really nothing to brag abou–”
“Ap-ap-ap!” Randy raised his finger, shushing her. “Just accept the compliment. Theresa. What you do is tough. You’re like, the coolest baton twirler in Twirl Team.”
Theresa’s heart skipped a beat as she faced Randy again.
“You think so?” She asked.
“Come on, would I lie to you?” Randy answered.
Theresa giggled. The pair saw the happy smiles painted on both their faces. The beat of their hearts drummed a little faster, and their heartstrings were simultaneously plucked. This walk back home was already feeling akin to a melodious and exciting parade or the inviting taste of sweet cake fries… Then, they realized they stared at each other for too long once more, which prompted them to nervously laugh and turn away from each other.
From behind them, Howard shivered as he stared at the pair’s shared giddiness.
“Cringe.” He whispered to himself. “Ugh, the things I do for you.”
Howard grumbled as his gaze shifted and locked onto Randy alone. He put on a salty yet exaggerated frown on his face, wondering if Randy would turn around and notice. The latter simply faced Theresa once more and started talking. He gave her a big grin, Howard observed. While his frown remained unseen by Randy, Howard did see that his best friend’s irritation was fading away at a much faster rate now.
His gaze on Randy softened as he quietly laughed.
“Maybe he doesn’t need to sleep on it after all.” He thought.
Howard continued to stare at them. Theresa spoke again.
“I didn't think you’d be so impressed, Randy…” She said, twirling her hair.
“Of course I am,” Randy emphasized, putting his arms on his hips. “But you know, I was particularly impressed with your performance in the McFestival of Pride Parade.”
Howard’s soft expression turned anxious. Theresa stopped her hair-twirling motions.
“...What?” She asked surprisedly, “Wait. You saw that?”
“Yeah! I–”
“Where were you?”
Randy’s skin felt cold. He heard Howard facepalm.
“In… you know, in the crowd?” Randy stuttered, “‘Cause, um, The Ninja and Ranginald stole my spot on the float.”
“How come I couldn’t spot you?”
“Y-You know Cunningham!” Howard nervously chimed in, “Blends in with crowds, haha…”
“Really now…?”
Theresa’s eyes squinted at them in thought. Randy and Howard faced each other with shared panic.
“Eh… Guess I was too in the zone that day.”
Theresa gave a short laugh, ending her suspicions.
“But to me, Randy, you don’t blend in.” She said lovingly, “You stand out.”
Howard’s eye twitched while Randy blushed.
“...You stand out too.” He answered bashfully, “I loved your performance.”
Randy and Theresa smiled at each other again, which made Howard’s irritation return.
“Oh my CORNY. I changed my mind! He still needs sleep!” He thought to himself.
As the trio continued to walk, Howard sank into an even bigger pit of annoyance. After graciously chiming in to save Randy from his dumb slip, he is merely paid back with witnessing yucky romance. Randy and Theresa’s banter and blushing and bonding made him want to bash his head against a wall. To silence that want, he would join in on their conversations just to keep things platonic.
Howard often pulled out his McFistpad to check the time. Each step felt too small, and it seemed like the very street they were walking on just stretched on for eternity. Randy and Theresa simply kept talking… unaware that they, along with Howard’s short legs, were the source of his suffering.
It was a serious plight. As he walked ever so tiredly, Howard closed his eyes and clasped his hands together….
“Someone, anyone, end my suffering…”
He prayed, prayed, prayed and prayed…. hoping that someone, anyone, could end his struggles. He waited for a sign. A breeze. A whisper. A voice…
“Alright, Howard!” Randy said, “Here we are.”
Howard opened his eyes. They had finally made it to his house. A large smile appeared on his face. His spirit lifted, and he felt the weight of his troubles gradually fade from existence. Perhaps God was real after all.
“YES!” Howard raised his arms in rejoice, sprinting to his front door and going inside. “FINALLY! NO MORE!”
“No more wha–”
“Goodbye, Fowler. Goodbye, Cunningham. Stay safe.”
Howard closed the door in front of Randy and Theresa before they could even wave him goodbye. Theresa’s mouth turned agape in confusion, while Randy sighed in unimpression. From inside Howard’s home, they could still hear him celebrating, but could barely decipher the words coming out of his mouth.
Then suddenly, an ear-piercing, distinctive-sounding voice burst forth from inside.
“HOWARD! SHUT UP! I NEED MY PEACE AND QUIET AFTER ALL THAT RECORDING!”
“Oh, he’s in trouble now.” Randy said, both he and Theresa holding in their laughter. No voice loud enough to be heard outside responded to Heidi’s yelling. Randy assumed that inside, Howard was silently cursing his older sister, angrily walking up to his room.
“Welp, nothing interesting’s gonna happen here anymore.” Randy began to walk again, “We should get going.”
“Alrighty!” Theresa replied, following him.
Randy and Theresa pressed on forward. But, as they walked, it quickly dawned on them that they were alone together. No third person butting in on them anymore. They were finally free to talk amongst themselves... Yet, despite that relieving thought, the atmosphere grew awkward without Howard, and neither of the two knew what to talk about next. They could only think… think how this scenario was exactly what they wanted, yet they were both at a loss on what to do.
“What would Debbie do?” Theresa thought.
The two teens knew all too well that even a few minutes of silence can feel like hours. Having to go through that event would leave them haunted in sleepless nights or quick trips to the bathroom, leaving them to question themselves every single time… “Why didn’t I say anything?”
In an effort to halt the silence from lasting even a moment longer, Theresa decided to think of a topic…what was something natural yet relevant to bring up? She pondered and pondered… Nothing came. She looked up to the sky, as if it would help her…
Wait. It might. Theresa’s thoughts dissipated once she saw a trail of contrails… have they always been there? Theresa supposed that she only noticed them now, when she is in need of an icebreaker.
“Hm…” Theresa tilted her head, “Wonder where those came from.”
Upon seeing Theresa gaze up at the sky, Randy did the same, wondering what she was referring to.
“You mean those cloud things?” Randy thought for a moment, “Well, I did see a robot flying earlier when I left the school.”
Randy figured there was no need to hide that.
“Like the same kind as those at the field earlier?”
“Maybe.” Randy shrugged, “Those robot corpses… Crazy sight, huh?”
“Mhm. The Ninja practically fought a warforce.” Theresa said.
“Yep,” Randy replied hesitantly. “Totally.”
He began to tap his fingers together.
“Was the carnage, uh…” He muttered, “...impressive?”
“What? ‘Course it was!” Theresa asserted, “You saw it.”
“Y-yeah, I… I did,” Randy scratched his head, “The Ninja, always impressive, not that surprising.”
“True, but I’ll admit,” Theresa lifted her head in thought, “Our convo earlier is making me think…”
“Are you talking about…” Randy gulped. “...about the p-parade?”
“What? No,” Theresa corrected, “I meant my twirl practices after P.E.”
Theresa looked up at the vibrant orange-blue sky.
“That routine’s my typical Monday, but…” She smiled, “I guess I never realized how hard it was till you pointed it out...”
Randy kept silent and listened.
“And thinking back to those robot corpses…” Theresa continued, “The Ninja destroying armies like that and unmutating monsters is typical, but accomplishing that… it’s still super hard, right?”
A cool breeze flew by as Randy’s eyes widened… Theresa… she understood the burden of being The Ninja?
“Yeah…” Randy said, the wind almost blocking his voice’s path. “I mean, I guess it is.”
“Ugh, I feel bad for brushing off the carnage at first,” Theresa continued. “Fighting that many robots on a Monday of all days must be the boo.”
“Yeah!” Randy agreed, then kicked a stray concrete pebble. “It is so the boo!”
“I’m sure The Ninja has someone special to rely on, someone to vent to…” Theresa explained, “But ordinary peeps like us still gotta understand how hard His job is too, right?”
“Honestly…” Randy followed in her tracks, chuckling, "I think The Ninja would be glad that at least people like you understand…”
“Ah, what can I say?” Theresa snickered, “I’m very intelligent.”
“Didn’t you get a C in Math?” Randy chortled.
“...Emotionally intelligent, then.”
Randy laughed, while Theresa playfully rolled her eyes. They continued to walk, the chirping birds passing them by, and the sky was still ever-vibrant. Randy and Theresa continued to talk, the atmosphere no longer containing an awkward air. They conversed about TV shows they liked, Grave Punchers… and many, many other previous Mondays that they hated.
It was comforting, talking about anything they wanted. It didn't even matter how mundane the topic seemed, as long as it was discussed with each other. Then, with each step, they drew closer to Randy’s street…
“...You’re afraid of crows?” Randy gasped. “Thought you’d be into them, honestly.”
“Fascination and fear can coexist!” Theresa remarked, “Crows are suuuuuuper intelligent! They remember faces and hold grudges! Isn’t that freaky?”
“If that’s the case, then how do you feel about ravens?”
“Oh, don’t even get me started!”
…After a couple more laughs and leisurely steps… finally, Randy and Theresa had made it to that familiar house. Randy’s house. They may have stopped walking, but certainly not talking.
“Okay, last, have you ever looked into a crow’s eyes?” Theresa continued. “There’s–”
“Nothing there!” Randy finished. “Dude, that’s exactly how I feel about chickens!”
“Really? Chickens?” Theresa replied, “Oh, Cluckfest must suck for you…”
“Ya think?”
The pair laughed in unison. Afterwards, Theresa looked ahead. The sun continued to set, and upon seeing how low it was on the horizon, she understood how late it was.
“Man, I better go.” She sighed, “This was nice!”
“Yeah!” Randy agreed, “We should do this again.”
“Don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. I mean…”
Theresa turned her head towards a house just on the other side of the asphalt-lined road. A house that has always been right there, opposite of Randy’s.
“I literally live right across from you.” She chuckled. “Walking home with you… it’s both fun and convenient.”
“True…” Randy muttered, looking down as he gripped the strap of his satchel that held the Ninja Mask. “I guess you never caught me.”
“Or you with me.” Theresa agreed solemnly, before smiling at Randy. “But… I’m glad you did today.”
Randy smiled in response.
“Well,” Theresa winked, “I’ll see ya tomorrow, neighbor, ‘kay?”
“‘Kay, neighbor!” He chuckled.
The two waved each other goodbye. Randy sighed, smiling as he watched Theresa, who was facing the road once more and looking in both directions before beginning to cross…
“...Wait.” Randy blurted.
“Hm?”
Before even stepping on the asphalt, Theresa stopped in her tracks and faced Randy again as she heard him.
“Sorry, uh, last thing…” He said, fidgeting slightly, “You know, I wanted to skip tomorrow.”
“What?” Theresa asked. “Well, not surprising, but–”
“Let me finish,” Randy playfully protested, “I wasn’t actually gonna do it, of course! I just wanted to ‘cause I thought tomorrow would suck… but… after talking to you…”
Theresa stood still, her eyes widening as she listened intently…
“I don’t think tomorrow’s gonna be that bad.” He spoke softly.
Theresa blinked… and her face turned scarlet in slight surprise.
“W-wow,” She stuttered, trying to grasp at her fluctuating composure, “Dang, to the point you’d purposely not skip school…”
“Again, I wasn’t actually gonna do it! I can’t get on Mr. Driscoll’s bad side again!” Randy teased, “Also, I skip classes, not school. Get it right!”
“Geez, alright!” Theresa laughed, “Crazy to think walking home with me is enough to lift your spirits…”
Randy chuckled softly as he stared at Theresa.
“But it’s not crazy or measly at all…” He mumbled under his breath, entering an almost dreamlike state…
“What?”
“What?” Randy snapped back to reality.
The pair stood still for a moment, one waiting to see if the other had anything to say… before Theresa teasingly shook her head and started walking away again.
“You’re so weird,” She giggled, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“O-Okay!” Randy said, waving his hand at her once more.
Theresa giggled as both she and Randy walked back to their respective houses. As they reached their front doors and swung them open, they simultaneously looked back to catch another full glimpse of each other. But one didn’t expect that the other would look back too. When Randy and Theresa saw that they each performed the very same action, they laughed at each other. Great minds truly think alike. Shortly afterwards, they cheerfully waved each other goodbye again, went inside their homes, then closed the doors behind them.
It is quite ironic how a long, arduous walk can relieve someone of great physical pain. As Randy and Theresa leaped onto their beds, they forgot why they needed to get there so soon in the first place. They didn’t bother trying to remember, for that fruitful walk was the only thing they wanted to keep in each other’s minds for that night, and they knew that the pain they expected tomorrow wouldn’t feel so bad.
As Randy awoke the next morning, he realized how utterly embarrassing the statement he expressed towards Theresa yesterday was. When he prepared himself for the day, the phrase “Why did I say that!” kept quietly rolling off of his tongue in panic. Yet, when he got over it and left his house to meet Howard outside, he realized he was more than ready...
"Hey," Howard said, "You don't have to do my homework for a month, by the way."
"Nah," Randy replied, "I don't mind doing things for you."
Howard chuckled.
"You're so weird," he commented, "Alright, but only two weeks. Deal?"
"Deal!"
...Randy was ready to take McFist's bigger robot army and Howard's homework head-on.