Chapter Text
After his last fight with Jabber, Zanka started training more than usual, eating less than usual, sleeping less than usual—everything he did was out of the ordinary. He was more motivated than usual, and sometimes he found himself talking more than usual, and other times less than usual. Everyone who knew Zanka was worried about him. Enjin noticed the food left on his plate, Riyo noticed the change in his speech, Rudo noticed the excessive training, but whenever they asked if he was alright, the answer was always the same.
"I'm fine, guys, I've never been better." The words were so simple and human, but in Nijinku's mouth they meant nothing; he lacked the confidence he should have felt. Even so, no one ever took the initiative to go to him and help, even without being asked. This only made things pile up. The little food left over turned into days without seeing Zanka eat, his unusual chatter disappeared, and now the silence, even in response to basic questions, was uncomfortable. The sudden change only increased his worry.
"We should do something, he's not doing well, it's obvious to everyone!" Rudo was certainly one of those trying to help, even in his own way, but it wasn't enough. Riyo believed it would be temporary, that the right thing to do would be to give him some time, and Enjin was still afraid to interfere and make the situation worse, besides the fact that he always pushed away anyone who tried to get close to him emotionally.
EISHIA☘ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖
It was the very end of the day, the sun's rays were slowly fading, a comforting feeling, like confirmation that the day was ending and everything had turned out well. After finishing organizing the infirmary, a sudden thought popped into my head: I hadn't seen Zanka in a long time. I tried to push it out of my mind with flimsy excuses that he must be busy with missions, but it was no use; my brain always came up with a counter-argument for each little excuse, and the weight kept increasing. I knew his condition, but it wasn't anything serious apparently, but as a way to relieve the burden, I decided to visit Zanka's room to check on him.
Standing in front of the dormitory door, I grew nervous. My hands trembled slightly and were sweating. I sighed and calmed myself before knocking.
I knocked twice; no answer.
I knocked again; still no answer.
The lack of any noise worried me, and my mind immediately raced through a thousand things that could have happened to Zanka. Then, in a moment of panic and worry, I opened the door. I know this is rude, but I needed to be sure he was alright.
I opened the door with a bit of force and what I saw surprised me, and before I even thought, I was already acting.
–Zanka, are you okay? You're pale. I got closer to him lying on the bed; he looked like a corpse, and for a second I thought he was, but then he looked at me, and the relief I felt was almost too quick.
"Come here, you look terrible, let me take you to the infirmary." I tried to approach him and support him on my shoulder, but he pulled away, not forcefully because he didn't have the strength at that moment, but I respected that and ended up distancing myself, although I kept telling him to go to my workplace.
"Shut up."
His voice was so low I swore I could only hear it because I was so close to him. I fell silent immediately, hoping he would finally say what he felt, and for a brief moment silence returned. Neither of us moved so much that you could almost hear our breaths, his slow and heavy, and mine frantic, like a plea for everything to stop. Eventually, Zanka moved towards me with open arms, and I just let him hug me.
I didn't move.
I didn't speak, I didn't do anything, I just let him take control of the situation. We stood there for several minutes enjoying the silence and the touch of our skin in the places our clothes allowed. At that moment my head was in a whirl with everything that was happening, I didn't know what to do, so in the middle of the embrace I scanned his room with my eyes.
It was a mess, as if it hadn't been cleaned in a long time. There were also plates of rotten food scattered everywhere. However, one object stood out amidst all the mess: Assistaff Lovely. It was beautiful and well-cared for, but it seemed a little dull, as if a part of it had been ripped off. Perhaps it was my imagination, since I hadn't slept well since last night, so I simply looked away, directing my gaze to Zanka's face, which was as awful as the room itself.
Deep dark circles under his eyes, a dry mouth with small spots of dried blood, soulless eyes, and a horrible smell of someone who hadn't bathed in weeks—it squeezed my heart because I cared about Zanka. I had heard his story and seen the state he was in when he first arrived at the barracks; he was just as bad as he was now. She needed to help him; Zanka was too good and talented a person to be like this. I slowly broke the hug but maintained eye contact, and for a few seconds I had to hold back tears right there. It was sad, and the worst part was that I didn't even know what had caused him to be like this. I held his hands and spoke as softly as he had spoken earlier. "I'll take care of you, don't worry..." Without another word, I put his arm over my shoulder and slowly led him to the infirmary. The walk was almost torturous, filled only with the sound of our footsteps, since the barracks were always emptier at those times. Even so, I hoped someone would appear, because with each step I feared I wouldn't be able to handle the situation and would become too nervous. I knew I couldn't, especially in that situation, but that's precisely what made me anxious. Finally, upon opening the infirmary door, I laid Zanka on the nearest bed and immediately went to prepare some basic medications for him.
ZANKA☆𓏲࣪ ˚
Disappointment, that's what I was, just a mediocre person who believed that at some point I could overcome talent.
After the fight I had with Jabber at the trash heap, something clicked in my mind; I was an idiot all this time for thinking I could beat pure talent…
The days became slow and sometimes too fast for my opinion, but who cares, right? The food became disgusting to my palate, so many times I didn't even eat half of it, but that didn't matter since he compensated for it with plenty of training.
Gradually, it became even more difficult to distract my own mind, but the fear of returning to that pit was greater, so I increased my working hours, reduced my food intake, and decreased my sleep. However, nothing lasts forever without exacting a high price, and the price I had to pay was falling into a pit bigger than I could see. Over time, getting out of bed became a difficult task, the food had no taste, and the room just kept accumulating more and more trash every day, and I didn't even know how, since at no point did I remember doing anything other than lying in bed.
No one could see me in that situation, and when I realized that no one was going to save me this time, I was relieved, even with a bitter taste in my mouth knowing that no one would come to do anything for me again. But then she appeared, she didn't argue, she didn't force me to do anything, and she didn't speak; she just arrived and stayed by my side with a calm presence, then took me to that place I hate so much, the infirmary. However, at that moment it seemed so clean and comfortable that I didn't even care.
"Zanka, can I check your body?" She spoke so sweetly and softly that it took my brain a few seconds to process that she was talking to me. In the end, I just nodded in agreement, since I understood her concern.
Taking off my clothes and seeing my body was strange; I was thinner than usual and had some bruises scattered all over it that I didn't know where I got them from. A total disappointment, I looked like a loser, but I guess it suits me, doesn't it? Because I was so weak, I didn't realize when I started to faint, and a short time later I was lying down again with an IV drip going into my vein. I turned my head towards the window, which was a little far from my bed, and the sky was already as dark as the black ink of a pen.
I went back to sleep, maybe that way I would wake up from this nightmare, or I simply hoped not to wake up the next day.