Archive of Our Own

Confessing to Hirose had not been easy at all, and if Nakamura was completely honest with himself, he did not expect it to be reciprocated.

He hoped Hirose would politely reject him or, at worst, never speak to him again.

Anything was better than carrying this buried love in his heart to start his new life at university; he didn't want to carry that dull pain of uncertainty for the rest of his life and wonder on lonely nights what the response of his first love would have been to his feelings.

He had been thinking about it for a very long time, especially now that his life was about to change completely and he was almost finished with high school.

So that afternoon in early December of his third year, Nakamura waited for Hirose outside the school, as usual. Ohmori had work as the drama club leader, so Hirose helped him a bit by taking materials to the theater, causing him to run a little late. It gave Nakamura time to take a few deep breaths and try to calm his racing heart.

He doubted Hirose would abandon him, since their friendship had grown incredibly close and trustworthy during those school years. He knew his friend quite well and knew that he wasn't prejudiced or truly hated anyone.

Even so, the fear inside him persisted and whispered in his ear not to ruin things.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and smiled automatically as he saw those big, bright eyes fill his vision and resume the beating of his heart.

“I'm sorry for making you wait!”

He loved him deeply

“I haven't been here long, don't worry.”

“Okay. Let's go!”

They walked, and Hirose, as always, began to talk and gesticulate wildly, while Nakamura, inwardly swooning, smiled politely and nodded when Hirose spoke to him. Enveloped in the soft rays of the late winter sun, they reached the place where their paths diverged, and Nakamura felt that this was the perfect moment to finally put an end to the doubts that otherwise would plague him for the rest of his life.

He paused, insecurity catching in his throat, and slowly felt the regret of the words he hadn't yet spoken filling his lungs. What if he waited a little longer? School still had a few months before it ended; things would be very awkward. Sure, he planned to avoid him when winter break started, but the months before the end of the school year? Attending those last months wasn't mandatory, but he wouldn't feel right about missing so much just to avoid his friend“

“Hey! I'm talking to you, Nakamura, are you alright? You look like you're about to faint.”

He snapped out of his spiral of dark thoughts when he saw Hirose's face, a worried expression marring his handsome features. It was true, he hadn't considered how Hirose might feel knowing one of his friends was in love with him, but he didn't want to keep his doubts to himself any longer.

It was his last chance; if he said nothing, he was sure he would regret it for the rest of his life, and doubts and fears would eat him alive every night until his death.

He took a deep breath and decided to take a leap of faith.

“I-I've been thinking about… being honest with you” He swallowed, feeling his face burn, looked down, and continued, “No-please don't think I don't value our friendship. You're my best friend, Hirose. You're a wonderful, amazing, funny, kind person, and I couldn't be luckier to be close to you.”

He looked up, his determination hanging by a thread, and gazed at Hirose's face in front of him, a little worried but smiling warmly.

“That's why, even if our feelings for each other don't completely coincide, I selfishly ask that we keep our friendship intact.”

Hirose now looked genuinely worried and didn't hide it as he approached Nakamura

“what are you talking about?”

“I… I like you, Hirose.”

He couldn't help but look away from the beautiful face in front of him, missing his friend's expression, though he noticed he'd frozen in place and said nothing. He kept talking because he felt like he was going to cry if he thought too much about that moment, feeling vulnerable and awkward in his own skin, ignoring with all his might the urge to run away.

“And I completely understand that we can't be together. Please, I ask that you allow me to remain by your side as your friend. I promise that my feelings won't be a burden to you; I just wanted to tell you so I wouldn't feel like I was hiding something from you.”

Besides the lump forming in his throat from the utter shame and vulnerability that overwhelmed him, he felt an enormous weight lift from his chest and could finally breathe deeply after all these years. At last, he didn't feel like he was hiding some dirty secret from his friend. Nakamura knew that love wasn't a bad thing. There was no reason to hide it.

“I-I…”

Or maybe it was; it was an absolutely terrible mistake, and now Hirose would look at him with disgust and never want to speak to him again. He had made him uncomfortable.

“I'm sorry, Nakamura.”

And so, with three simple words, his world crumbled, and he felt his chest clench painfully. Nakamura lowered his gaze and bit his lower lip hard, trying to stop the tears that were quickly blurring his vision from falling and humiliating him even further.

Hirose kept talking, but the taller boy's senses filled with static, and he swore his vision went dark for a moment. He was already mentally prepared for rejection; years of expecting nothing more than a "sorry" were what kept him from falling to his knees and sobbing right now. But as always, he had underestimated the magnitude of his love for Hirose. He loved him so deeply that he felt his heart tear at the sound of that uncertain tone of voice.

But he swore that his feelings wouldn't be a problem between the two of them, so he forced his brain with all his might to focus on Hirose's words and not show any pain.

“I… I don't know what to tell you, really. I never thought that you… that I… I didn't know you felt that way about me.”

How could he not feel it? He was the best guy he'd ever met. Of course, his angelic appearance had attracted him, but the more he got to know his personality, the more he fell in love with him.

“I… could you give me some time to answer your confession?”

Oh

Time stood still around him and his breath caught in his throat.

That wasn't expected.

Slowly, he raised his gaze to Hirose, releasing his bruised lip and looking into the large, bright eyes that stared back at him. His pupils were dilated.

Probably because the sun was being covered by a cloud, his mind kindly informed him as he wiped away the drop of blood he felt trickling from his mouth. He blinked a couple of times, but Hirose's face was still there, staring at him with a shy smile.

Shy. He never thought of using that word to describe him. The cheerful, lively boy who was the very embodiment of sunshine in his life, looked shy.

“Uh?”

“I think you bit your lip too hard, come here.”

Nakamura stood frozen in place, staring in astonishment as Hirose pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and, approaching him without fear or disgust, gently dabbed the remaining blood from the small cut on his lower lip with touches as soft as a feather. Thanks to their proximity, he caught a whiff of Hirose's hair and saw the delightful blush that delicately graced his face.

He felt like he was in heaven. He died of a broken heart and now he was hallucinating this.

But he knew he wasn't dreaming when Hirose accidentally squeezed a part of his mouth too hard and the pain that shot through him made him feel alive in an intoxicating way, an electric shock that made him focus on the kind boy in front of him, who asked for time to respond properly to his feelings as if they were something important and who was cleaning his blood with the same handkerchief that he had once stepped on.

He loved him so much.

Nakamura took a small step back, somewhat overwhelmed by Hirose's closeness and kindness, but Hirose stepped forward and firmly placed his hand around the back of Nakamura's neck to continue cleaning his lip and chin. He didn't look him in the eyes.

“I can't answer you right now because I honestly feel like my brain has shut down and I'm not thinking straight.”

His friend admitted, focused on his self-imposed task, Nakamura looking at him as if he didn't understand a word that came out of his mouth but quite enjoying feeling the small, warm hand holding his neck and the soft touch on his face.

“And I want to give you an honest answer, it's the least I owe you” satisfied with the cleanliness of Nakamura's lip, he finally stepped back, putting his bloodstained handkerchief in his pocket and allowing his friend to breathe. “What I can tell you is that I don't think you'll ever be able to separate me from you. I also consider you a great friend, and you're the only person with whom I feel like myself.”

Nakamura returned Hirose's smile, feeling the warmth of his words course through his veins. does it matter if Hirose didn't feel the same? Meaning so much to the person he loved most in the world was enough, and he never expected their relationship to go this far.

They said their goodbyes as usual and both walked to their respective homes. Nakamura was quite happy; he felt light inside and rather brave. He couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Hirose hadn't abandoned him; instead, he'd been kind to him and had told him how much their friendship meant to him.

Furthermore, he no longer had to carry the burden of the secret and the constant anxiety of being discovered and judged by Hirose. Everything had come to light, and nothing bad had happened.

He arrived home and greeted his mother and sister, then ran to his room and greeted Icchan enthusiastically as he changed into more comfortable clothes and excitedly told him about his day. His octopus seemed very happy for him, placing its tentacles on the glass of its fish tank and moving animatedly.

Finally changed, he fed Icchan and sat down at his desk, letting out a sigh. Since it was the last few days before winter break, the teachers weren't assigning much homework; it was mostly reviewing topics and writing summaries.

He picked up his backpack, ready to get ahead on the little homework he had, when the sound of his cell phone caught his attention. He grabbed it from the bed where he had tossed it while changing and saw Hirose's name flash on the screen.

He opened it very quickly.

It wasn't unusual for Hirose to send him messages; after all, he enjoyed that topic of conversation since he knew it annoyed Matsumura and Takeuchi a lot because Hirose always left them on read or took hours to reply to almost all of his other friends, unlike to him. But he hadn't expected them to talk so casually later that afternoon.

As soon as he sent the message, his screen lit up again, and Nakamura couldn't help but let out an embarrassed chuckle. He felt quite special, even though he knew it was probably just a distraction to help Hirose avoid doing his homework. Still, that didn't change the fact that the brunet always replied to his messages, and very quickly.

Smiling, he placed his notebooks on his desk and, gently placing his hand on Icchan's tank to get its attention, pointed the camera at his cephalopod friend and took a picture. Icchan happily wagged its tentacles at the attention and continued eating. Nakamura sent the photo along with a heart sticker and sat down at his desk, ready to start his homework.

His cell phone vibrated and he quickly unlocked it to read Hirose's message. He read the lovely words he dedicated to Icchan, smiled, and read them aloud to his octopus.

It was so reassuring that things didn't feel awkward between them. Hirose's messages had the same cheerful, upbeat tone as always, and they kept coming even though Nakamura's replies were slower now that he was doing homework. He felt truly grateful to be friends with such a great guy as Hirose.

Until he absentmindedly read a message that made him let out a scream

What on earth did that mean? He ignored his sister's shout demanding that he shut up and answered with trembling fingers

Nakamura had the awful feeling that Hirose was mocking him. Not in their usual way of joking around, but in a distorted and cruel way. But Hirose wasn't like that; he would never make fun of Nakamura's feelings, right? Even so, he didn't much like the tone he felt his friend used in that message. He didn't know what Hirose's intentions were in mentioning his feelings, and he didn't want it to be an inside joke between them when, for Nakamura, it was something very real.

But was the alternative better? The idea of ​​Hirose avoiding him and letting a rift grow between them, slowly destroying their friendship, sounded awful. He sighed and resignedly thought it was better to endure the cruel teasing than to be rejected. He sent him an ambiguous sticker and continued his task, determined to ignore his phone.

After all, Hirose didn't owe him anything. He knew how he was with his other friends, like Takeuchi, and they joked about those things a lot. That was normal, at least for boys his age. He should learn not to take it personally.

After a while, he forgot about the messages and went downstairs to take dinner with his family, his homework finished. They ate in silence, broken only by the monotonous sound of the television, as always. Nakamura thought it would be very lonely when he finally went to university, even though he wasn't very close to his family; they still filled the house with familiar sounds and spent time together at dinnertime.

He imagined himself eating pre-cooked food in a tiny, lonely apartment in a few months, far from his family… far from Hirose. He dismissed the idea as soon as it occurred to him.

He had a bit of a fight with Kana over the last piece of food, and when he won, he got a shove and a shout. Laughing, he took care of washing the dishes and cleaning the table, then went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed.

He doubted sleep would come quickly, as so much had happened that day that he would take his time to process. He picked up his phone while he waited for his hair to dry and checked it, surprised to see so many unread messages. All from Hirose.

The last one, from a couple of hours ago, left him feeling a little guilty.

Upon sending it and realizing he had written how much he loved reading his messages, he panicked and pressed the delete button, but Hirose had already read it and was replying.

He was glad Hirose hadn't mentioned that outburst of sincerity, and proceeded to chat animatedly with Hirose, who was basically him writing paragraph after paragraph of nonsense, and Nakamura overthinking replies that always ended up sounding monotonous and short, occasionally sending stickers. It felt so good, comfortable, and warm that sleep gradually overtook him until he fell asleep.

Upon waking, he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling for a long time, feeling his heart pounding in his ribs and the excitement mixed with anxiety about seeing Hirose that day.

He had done it, he had confessed his feelings to the love of his life and the world hadn't exploded, he hadn't made a fool of himself too much and Hirose didn't hate him.

He smiled and stretched before happily jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom to get ready for his day. He didn't know when Hirose would officially reject him, but he wasn't too worried. He'd already told Hirose that their friendship was very important to the brown-haired boy, and he could live with that. It was more than he'd hoped for, and he was quite grateful for it.

He went back to his room and started taking off his pajamas to put on his uniform when his cell phone rang again. Oh, he'd forgot to say goodbye to Hirose last night. He unlocked it and smiled.

He felt a flutter of butterflies fluttering in his stomach and warmth coursing through his veins, and he proceeded to answer yes.

This boy was going to make him swoon, and he was prepared to die for it.

Love was an extremely dangerous thing, and Nakamura was learning this the hard way. It could control his mind, the way he breathed, the way he saw life itself, and handing that power over to Hirose was both a brave and suicidal act. The brown-haired boy held absolute power over himself in his hands. He could break him beyond recognition, or make him the happiest boy in all of Japan, or perhaps the entire world if he was being realistic.

He loved Hirose so much that he gave him the power to destroy him with mere words. He surrendered his heart with hands wet with blood and trembling with nervousness, his emotions overwhelming.

He kept telling himself that it was better to be honest than to die with doubt; the best-case scenario had already happened. Hirose valued him as a friend, and that was something he would cherish with great pride.

He finished getting ready, went downstairs for breakfast, said goodbye to his mother and Kana, and left the house at a leisurely pace. He would take Hirose's rejection gracefully, with a smile, and assure him it wouldn't be a problem between them. After all, he already had an example of how having feelings for someone didn't have to mean ruining a friendship. It had happened when Kawamura confessed her feelings to him, and he politely rejected her, telling her he simply wasn't attracted to girls that way. And now they were friends.

The same could happen with Hirose; he knew his friend was straight and that their romance simply wasn't possible. Nakamura sighed as he saw the fluffy, brown hair in the distance that drove him crazy and accelerated his pace to put an end to the matter once and for all.

Even knowing his feelings wouldn't be reciprocated, he couldn't stop his heart from racing when he saw the boy he loved standing before him. Hirose looked up from the ground, a smile spreading across his face as Nakamura arrived. He greeted him effusively, as if he hadn't texted him less than an hour ago.

“Nakamura~ what do you think about skipping classes today?”

His smile shifted to an expression of astonishment as he finally reached his friend's side. Hirose smiled sweetly and jiggled his backpack, revealing that it was full of junk food and snacks, and not school supplies, judging by the sound.

“My sister won't be in my house until tonight, we can have a movie marathon or play video games.”

He knew, of course, that attendance didn't matter much at the end of his third year, since he'd already applied to the university he wanted to attend. Even so, he thought spending the day at Hirose's house would be awkward when they still had that issue to discuss.

On the other hand…

“I'd love to spend the day at your house!”

He'd be a complete idiot if he let this opportunity to be with his friend pass him by. All day, alone in his house.

He felt like he could float.

He had been to his house before and knew that Hirose wasn't a big fan of inviting people over. Since his sister was the only one who took care of him and they lived alone together, his house was very small and simple. Cozy, in Nakamura's words when he was invited the first time.

Hirose wasn't ashamed, but it wasn't something he liked to announce to everyone either. He simply knew that Nakamura wasn't the type to make fun of such things, so he trusted him enough to open his home to his friend and let him know a side of him that only Ohmori knew.

Nakamura didn't ask overly personal questions; he simply enjoyed getting to know the complexity of the person he loved more deeply and being surprised at how resilient he must have been to help his sister keep a household going at such a young age.

They walked towards Hirose's house, laughing and making plans for the day. Nakamura was thrilled, as it was the first time he'd skipped class to hang out with a friend. He would always be grateful for that from Hirose;he encouraged him to have unique experiences, ones he might not normally have because he didn't have many friends.

“That's why I told you not to do your homework.”

“Heh, you could just have told me directly”

“And miss the look of surprise on your face? No way.”

Hirose let out a contagious laugh and they both laughed, enjoying the breeze that stirred their hair and each other's company.

Nakamura felt a comfortable warmth in his chest. He would truly miss spending time with Hirose once university started and they went their separate ways. He hated the thought of not seeing him as often, perhaps not even for long periods of time. He tried to ignore the sting of pain that pierced his heart, for this was the harsh reality of why he had mentally prepared himself to confess to Hirose, even though it still hurt to accept it.

They may never see each other again.

The bright smile and luminous eyes beside him dimmed slightly as his gloomy thoughts took hold. To be honest, Nakamura hadn't even asked him which university he was going to, or if he even wanted to go to one in the first place. Hirose was very good at math and didn't really have any trouble with other subjects; he knew this well since they often studied together in groups, and sometimes Hirose would ask him to study alone with him because he concentrated better when he was with him.

“Did you hear me?”

“Ah! Forgive me, I got a little distracted.”

Hirose made an annoyed face and puffed out his cheeks in somewhat exaggerated irritation.

“You should pay more attention to me, you said you liked me, didn't you? Come on, don't ignore me.”

And there it was again. Nakamura looked away uncomfortably, unsure whether to ask Hirose to stop teasing him about it or just laugh insincerely and change the subject. He didn't want to make things tense, but he also wasn't keen on hearing his feelings used as the punchline all day. He sighed and decided to change the subject.

“Anyway, Hirose, why isn't your sister arriving until tonight?”

It was too obvious, but Hirose didn't comment it, he just remained silent for a moment and then picked to the new topic.

“She has a date with a new guy from work.” He didn't sound annoyed, but he wasn't exactly happy either. Nakamura nodded and murmured, but Hirose continued. “It's not that I'm annoyed, actually, I'm grateful she gave me the day off. It's just... I don't know, I feel a little... I don't know how to explain it.”

A vulnerable expression appeared on Hirose's face, something Nakamura had never seen before. He felt a little guilty for bringing it up, but also grateful to his friend for allowing himself to be honest with him.

“Well, I think it's understandable, isn't it? You and she are very close, and having a new person come in and take up your time is something new and you're not used to it.”

“Yeah… you might be right. I tend to be a bit possessive with the people I love, even when they ignore me or find someone else to spend time with. I hate feeling ignored.”

Well, Nakamura certainly didn't expect that.

“Are you sure about that? It doesn't sound like you. I mean, Takeuchi and Mukai hardly spend any time with you anymore, and you don't even see Matsumura much, and yet you're not annoyed with them when they talk to you again.”

“Hmm, well, they're my friends. I mean people I truly love, closer to me. I'm very lucky you don't have many friends who take up too much of your time with me, huh?”

Nakamura tilted his head, not quite understanding what Hirose meant when they finally reached his front door. Well, he did spend time with Kawamura sometimes, he thought, as Hirose opened the door and stepped inside, quickly kicking off his shoes and tossing them carelessly. Nakamura took off his own shoes and neatly arranged them, apologizing as he entered the living room. Was that the reason Hirose always looked annoyed when he ate with his friend?

It didn't make much sense to him.He seriously doubted whether he was on the same level of importance as his sister.

Both boys dropped their backpacks on the floor next to the couch. Hirose walked over, grabbed a large empty bowl from the kitchen, and returned to the living room, placing it on the small table in front of them. He reached into his backpack and pulled out several candies and bags of chips. Nakamura just laughed in surprise at seeing so much junk food. Hirose looked at him and blushed, making an adorable pout.

“Hey, don't judge me. I saved up a lot of money to be able to buy all this.”

“I'm not judging you! I think it's too cut- I MEAN! Why did you buy so much candy?”

“Oh, I didn't know which ones you liked, so I bought a little bit of everything.” He opened a couple of bags of chips and handed Nakamura a small bag of candy. "You don't have to eat them all; we can save them for another day. Do you like spicy ones?”

He showed him a bag with a striking logo that warned of the level of spiciness it contained.

“I don't really eat these things, but I want to try them.”

Hirose nodded and combined them with the ones on his plate, which was already full by that point. Nakamura shook his head, amused, certain that it wouldn't be a problem for Hirose to finish it all himself.

He looked at the small candies he had given to him and blushed when he realized they were coffee-flavored. Hirose remembered that he liked it.

He smiled and put them in his pants pocket, then took off his gakuran so as not to wrinkle it too much and hung it on the coat rack near the front door. He returned to the living room with a couple of long strides and saw Hirose coming back from the kitchen with two ramunes.

“Do you like the lemon flavored? I also bought you the green apple one in case you don't like it. Since they're bitter, I thought they'd be more to your liking.”

This really couldn't be happening.

“Did you buy two different flavors? You didn't have to bother, I really appreciated the gesture.”

He wanted to drop to the floor and hug his knees as a thanks right there, but he figured that would be too much.

Even so, his stomach fluttered with the distinctive butterflies that only Hirose could bring to him. He was so kind. It would be very difficult to try to live his life without him.

Hirose waved a dismissive hand dismissively as he placed the drinks on the small table next to the plate, his face filling with a beautiful pink hue that Nakamura was dying to kiss.

“It's nothing, really. I just wanted you to be as comfortable as possible. Let's play a game first.”

He nodded toward the Switch that was connected to the television in his house. Nakamura approached and turned it on, handing the main controller to Hirose so he could choose a two-player game.

“Hmm, I don't know if we should start with Mario Kart. I read somewhere that it's not a good idea for a dat- a hang out with friends.”

“only if you're a sore loser.”

Hirose looked back at him with a defiant smile as Nakamura instantly regretted what he had said

“I mean-”

“Well, let's start with that one then, let's see if it's very good.”

Nakamura had a little sister, so he was an expert at teasing and angering his opponent to win almost effortlessly. But he seriously doubted that strategy would work against Hirose, he decided as the game started and he chose his character.

Hirose was noisy and munched a handful of chips between rounds, and Nakamura found himself falling a little more in love with him the whole time they were playing. He relaxed a bit more, and then they really started to get into the game.

“Is that all you can do?”

“I'm giving you a head start so you don't cry so fast”

“big words for a second place.”

Their laughter echoed throughout the house, pointless arguments and taunts flew back and forth. Hirose was quite comfortable making Nakamura angry and even falling into the ragebait himself, but, contrary to what usually happened with his friends, he didn't feel truly annoyed or angry; it was more like feeling intoxicated by the sensation of laughing so much that he couldn't care less about his position in the race.

“Aha! See? I've already got 3 wins in a row”

"It's not fair, you're making me laugh too much," he managed to say breathlessly between laughs, trying to snatch Nakamura's controller, who dodged it by raising his hands out of his friend's reach, laughing too. "Stop it, I can't breathe anymore.”

They ended up on the floor because Hirose threw himself down on top of his friend with his full weight, and since Nakamura was busy laughing and trying to keep Hirose from taking the controller from his hands, he couldn't catch him, and they both fell amid laughter and tangled limbs. The scent of Hirose's hair filled his lungs, and the vibrations of his joyful laughter against his body filled him with a suffocating feeling of happiness. He didn't want time to pass; he wanted to stay like that, lying on the floor laughing until it hurt forever.

Hirose sat up slightly to look him in the face, but without making much of an effort to turn away. He looked at him with bright eyes and a smile.

“I love spending time with you.”

Those words left Nakamura breathless. He stopped laughing abruptly and stared into the chocolate-brown eyes above him. He felt his face burn and suddenly became acutely aware of the body on top of him. Every part of him that was in contact with Hirose felt like it was on fire, and the urge to run coursed through him like an electric shock, but at the same time, shame paralyzed him. With effort, he carefully grasped Hirose's shoulders and pulled him back a little, managing to sit upright on the floor and swallowing hard in horror as he felt his heart pounding so violently.

“What if we change the game?!”

He turned his head and crouched down to hide his obvious blush, pretending to scratch his nose. He couldn't see Hirose's expression, but he heard his voice and saw him approaching out of the corner of his eyes.

“Do I make you nervous?”

Nakamura clutched his chest, feeling genuine fear at how quickly his heart reacted to those words. He stifled a gasp when he glanced at Hirose, startled, and saw how red-faced he looked, almost as embarrassed as he was.

It didn't make sense.

“Are you…? Hirose, are you making fun of me?”

Hirose looked at him, his pupils dilated and a gleam in his eyes that he had never seen before, but the moment was broken when the brown-haired boy cleared his throat and looked away in embarrassment.

“I would never do that to you, Nakamura.”

“So what-“

“Let's watch a movie now!”

Hirose hurriedly got up from the ground and held Nakamura by the arm, helping him to his feet and avoiding his gaze.

“Let me see which ones I have here, while you eat. You haven't touched the chips.”

Nakamura felt too confused and embarrassed to refuse. He took the bowl from the small table and mechanically sat down on the sofa, watching Hirose rummage through his cell phone.

“mhm… do you want to see this one?”

He approached his friend and showed him his phone where a poster featuring a screaming girl and a ghost behind her, large letters covering half of the poster announcing the name of the movie.

“Uh, I haven't seen it. But I thought you didn't like horror movies.”

They both used to go to the movies a lot, sometimes with Ohmori, sometimes on their own. Hirose never chose horror movies unless he knew beforehand that they weren't that scary, and even then he'd get frightened and end up covering his face for most of the film. Nakamura found him incredibly endearing.

“Well, I read that it's not that scary and that it's so bad it's funny, so I was really curious. Besides, I'm not scared when Im with you. You're very brave.”

While Nakamura was dying inside, barely managing to stop a squeal with excitement at being flattered like that, Hirose streamed the movie on the TV from his phone and sat down next to Nakamura, knees touching, grabbing a handful of chips and shoving them into his mouth. Nakamura was stiffer than a statue; he couldn't even see the TV because his vision was pure static from being so close to his friend.

Slowly, he picked up a chip and put it in his mouth, sweating profusely and praying that his nerves wouldn't make him drop the bowl. The movie started rather slowly, and both boys relaxed, discussing the plot as time passed, but about halfway through, the atmosphere changed when Hirose tensed up watching the protagonist wander fearfully through the dark corridors of the abandoned hospital she had come to visit at the request of a boy's ghost, hoping to retrieve a lost object of his and help him rest in peace.

So far the movie hadn't been funny at all, but Nakamura was too busy focusing on the heat emanating from the body next to him to care. He wanted to bury his nose in his friend's neck and feel his skin bristle with fear against his own.

Suddenly, a door creaked open slowly, and the protagonist stopped dead in her tracks. The dim light from her lamp was nothing compared to the darkness enveloping the hospital. A hand with long nails emerged from the doorway, indicating the path she should follow and leading her past the open door. The girl walked slowly, and as she reached the hand, a ghostly woman appeared, screaming, and grabbed her arm.

Hirose let out a high-pitched squeal and hid his face in Nakamura's arm, who turned bright red and couldn't move. The film continued with tense music and loud sounds as the girl fought the ghost holding her, while Hirose clung to Nakamura's arm, refusing to let go.

“ugh, please tell me when the scene changes.”

Too excited to speak, Nakamura made an affirmative sound as he maniacally enjoyed Hirose's trembling hug, holding the bowl tightly in his left hand to calm himself.

The scene was tense and very violent, but it was nothing compared to how his heart pounded when he felt Hirose's embrace. It wasn't just his way of telling him he felt safe in his presence; he no longer had the shyness and embarrassment of his first year, when he hadn't dared to hold his hand. Now he had the confidence to hide in his arm and trust that he would keep him safe there, that he would know that Nakamura would tell him when he could watch the movie again without the risk of seeing again that scene.

Nakamura turned back to the movie with difficulty, wanting to run his fingers through Hirose's silky hair and soothe the love of his life with soft, loving caresses, but he had promised to tell him when that scene was over. Suddenly, he felt Hirose stop trembling and begin to run his hands down his back, caressing him. Nakamura almost gasped, but he caught his breath as he felt Hirose lean dangerously close to his ear to speak.

“Is the scene over yet?”

He didn't even remember how to speak

“almost there.”

The soft, timid voice and the breath that brushed against his ear as he spoke were about to kill Nakamura.

“I think choosing that movie was a good idea, don't you? The website I read about first dates said a horror movie was a good excuse to start cuddling. Although I was genuinely scared, haha.”

The last brain cell responsible for keeping him alive, died under the overwhelming surge of sensations that flooded Nakamura's body upon hearing Hirose. He turned his head in disbelief to meet the bright brown eyes that gazed back at him openly and affectionately, a shy but genuine smile on his pretty, flushed face.

“What?”

“what”

“What are you talking about?”

Hirose released his arm and leaned back slightly, turning down the television volume and taking another chip from the plate Nakamura was still clutching tightly. He took it from him and placed it on the small table in front of them, then turned to face his friend.

“Well… I haven't been able to stop thinking about your words since yesterday. I realized that… I don't know, I… maybe… I think I like you too.”

A feeling that something was wrong took his breath away, as if something in the universe had been moved, time had stopped, and what was written in stone had been washed away. It made no sense. Logic slipped through his fingers as he stared into the large eyes that averted their gaze in shame. It must be a mistake.

“but… it’s a very strange thing to explain, I mean, it’s not like I liked you just because you told me so, I feel like your words just made me realize that I already felt something for you and you helped me put a name to it.”

Nakamura discreetly pinched his arm hard, trying to wake up or come to his senses and get out of this dreamlike reality where he found himself.

He felt like he had fallen into an alternate dimension, or that he was already dead and this was just heaven. Maybe he was even in a coma and this was a wonderful but unreal dream.

“H-Hirose… this… I don't- I don't-”

"I'm not joking, and it's not a bet. I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything like that.” His voice was soft but firm, and he didn't take his eyes off his friend. “I would never do something like that, and even if I didn't feel the same way about you, I wouldn't play with your feelings.”

A large part of his anxiety and paralyzing terror subsided greatly upon hearing those words from Hirose. Of course, he wasn't being rational; deep down, he knew what a good person Hirose was, but his insecurities always made him think the worst, so he sighed when his heartbeat slowed slightly.

Even so, he felt bad for making Hirose have to reaffirm something so obvious.

“I'm sorry for doubting your words, it's just that I didn't expect it at all”

Hirose carefully reached out and affectionately touched Nakamura's cheek, smiling as he jumped in fear.

“I understand, you've always been very nervous.”

The messages weren't mean jokes, his dilated pupils weren't due to the weather, the strange hints now made sense.

They were on a date.

Nakamura didn't know how to react.

He was on a date. With Hirose. At Hirose's house. Planned by Hirose.

Would it be very strange if he fainted?

“Please don't faint.”

Smiling, the chestnut-haired boy continued to stroke Nakamura's cheek to try to calm him down, unaware that he was causing the opposite effect.

Nakamura tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down, but everything was too shocking and unexpected, and he really feared for a second that he was going to faint for real.

But they weren't such good friends for nothing; Hirose immediately noticed his friend's difficulties and, not wanting to make him more nervous, decided to let him go and make him talk.

He knew that when Nakamura opened up with words he calmed down a lot, so he thought of a topic good enough to keep his mind away from the panic that threatened to engulf him.

Then he knew

“Can I ask you something?”

Nakamura stared at him.

“Of course, Hirose.”

“Could you tell me why you like me?”

It felt like that time in their first year, the first time they'd gone out like friends, just the two of them. Hirose asked him a similar question, and his fear and anxiety prevented Nakamura from answering the way he wanted.

Things were different now; everything was out in the open, and Nakamura had no reason to hide the love he had nurtured within him for so many years. He swallowed, trying to gather his thoughts before speaking.

“Because… you were the first boy I ever fell in love with. When you turned around and I saw you that first day, I swear I felt like the ground opened up beneath me, and I couldn't see beyond your beautiful appearance” he lowered his gaze, embarrassed, but a nostalgic smile formed on his lips. “I didn't even know your name, and I already felt like you were going to be the reason I'd wake up excited every morning.”

He looked up and, through the silky strands of his bangs, saw Hirose's face. It was red, but a beautiful smile adorned his features. That angelic sight only spurred Nakamura into his confession.

“Then I got to know you better, and I liked you more and more. You seemed like an unattainable guy, popular, handsome, always surrounded by friends, and always radiating light wherever you went. It was like a bright star wished to be a person” they exchanged intense glances, the atmosphere thick with emotion. “And yet you were so kind to someone like me, you defended me when people bothered me, you tried to talk to me even when I acted strangely around you, you didn't make fun of my tastes.”

Unconsciously, the two boys drew even closer, seeking each other's warmth amidst the heavy vulnerability that had taken hold of the conversation. Hirose hadn't taken his eyes off Nakamura, completely captivated by his tone of voice and the way he admitted to perceive him.

“You're the most attractive guy I've ever seen, Hirose. But it's your personality that I love the most about you. I've loved every moment we've spent together these past years. I can honestly say that meeting you has been the best thing that's ever happened to me.”

Shame finally coursed through his veins as he saw Hirose look away, both boys completely overwhelmed by the weighty words and feelings larger than themselves floating around them. Nakamura felt his eyes welling with tears as he opened his heart and exposed himself completely to Hirose, sighing heavily as he tried to find air in the thick atmosphere.

But his breath caught in his throat when he saw the same glimmer of restrained tears in Hirose's eyes as he finally turned his head and looked him in the eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and his tempting lips curled into a grimace that Nakamura found utterly adorable.

“you said love instead of like”

Nakamura froze like a deer in headlights, but Hirose leaned closer to him, fearing he might run away at any moment, and gently stroked his pale, porcelain-like face, carefully brushing against the small wound where he had bitten his lip yesterday, the day he confessed to him.

“I'm so... flattered by your feelings, but I admit it scares me to know how much you love me.” Before Nakamura could pull away and begin to apologize, Hirose slipped his other arm around the taller boy, still caressing his face. “Let me finish speaking! I mean... I'm boring. I'm really just an ordinary, boring guy, and you just described me as some damn shonen anime protagonist. You have way too many expectations of me, and I don't want to disappoint you.”

Nakamura stared at him, puzzled. Hirose released the dark-haired boy's face and wrapped both arms around his neck, embracing him and burying his face in the other's chest, most likely hearing the frantic, strong heartbeat coming from Nakamura's chest as he was so close. His voice was muffled by the fabric of his shirt, but Nakamura understood perfectly.

“I'm afraid you'll realize that the moment we become a couple.”

“Hirose-”

“Because to me, you're the cool, intimidating guy who's above everyone else and doesn't need to talk to anyone or isn't interested in absurd or childish things. That has super mature and unusual interests, like liking octopuses and having one as a pet, or liking coffee. What guy our age likes coffee?”

Nakamura was speechless with astonishment. He felt the warmth of Hirose's small body pressed against his chest, hidden from the world, his delicate hands encircling his neck, refusing to let go, and admitting that he thought he was someone worthy of his admiration.

“Besides, I already told you something similar, but you really are my safe space.”

He couldn't help but let out a happy giggle as he slowly circled Hirose's body, enjoying the feel of his shirt against his hands and the comfortable sigh the brown haired boy let out. The whole situation seemed unreal to him.

“Hirose, I don't think reading BL is a mature interest.”

“For me it is if you do it.”

Both boys laughed, and the tension tore like a fragile fabric. Nakamura settled more comfortably on the couch and let Hirose do the same, and they lay back, embraced.

“I don't think you're a boring person at all, Hirose.”

The chestnut-haired boy didn't want to answer that, instead he pressed his cheek against Nakamura's chest.

“your heartbeat is so relaxing.”

“I feel like it's going to come out any minute now.”

Giggling, Hirose took Nakamura's hand, which was hugging him, and placed it on his chest where his heart was racing as if a lion were in the room with them.

“I feel the same way, that's why I like listening to yours. It reminds me that I'm not the only one who feels like they're going to faint.”

Nakamura's hand grew warm as he felt the texture of Hirose's shirt and the frantic beating of his heart, reaffirming that this moment was real, that he was truly being reciprocated in a way he never thought possible. Smiling, he withdrew his hand and placed it behind Hirose's head, leaning closer to his face without the paralyzing fear that always seemed to accompany him in the brunet's presence.

Hirose blushed violently but settled closer and, getting closer, let himself go and, being very careful not to hurt Nakamura's wound, gently touched his lips to his.

They shared a sweet kiss, taking it slowly, a stark contrast to the tumultuous surge of sensations swirling within them. Nakamura gently stroked Hirose's hair, appreciating its incredibly soft texture between his fingers. Feeling his friend's weight on his body, his soft, plump lips moving rhythmically against his own, was a wondrous experience he never imagined he would have.

There, lying on Hirose's couch one on top of the other, opening their hearts and kissing, it seemed as if they were inside a small bubble suspended in space-time where nothing mattered but the delicious taste of their lips and the dull ache of his small wound.

They separated after Hirose lost his composure a little and accidentally grazed Nakamura's wound with his teeth, causing him to let out a small moan that made him turn completely red with embarrassment and freeze.

“Sorry! I forgot you were hurt. Did I hurt you badly?”

“n-no, don't worry.”

The problem was, he'd liked the feeling and there was no way he was going to tell him that. Hirose blushed and hugged Nakamura.

“I'm sorry, I got carried away. It's just... you make me feel so many new and intense things.”

Nakamura wrapped his arms around Hirose's back, hugging him tightly and burying his nose in his hair, just like he'd dreamed of doing so many times. He didn't know how to process such raw happiness; hearing that Hirose felt the same was something he would treasure for the rest of his life. This was the best day he'd ever lived.

Hirose lifted his head slightly, and they shared a look heavy with meaning that was difficult to put into words, perhaps due to their inexperience with love, or maybe because it was something they simply couldn't name. Even so, Hirose tried.

“Nakamura, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

Nakamura felt his eyes welling up, the heat he felt in his chest spread throughout his body as he gave a trembling nod and wrapped his arms tightly around Hirose's waist to try and hold back.

“Of course, Hirose. Nothing would make me happier.”

He lovingly kissed his now boyfriend's temple, enjoying the warmth of their bodies together, Hirose's small hands lovingly caressing his face, and smiling warmly at the bright future that awaited them.

But Nakamura remembered something that completely soured his fluttering feelings, the idea that had been in the back of his mind like a rock, heavy and bothersome. Uncomfortable.

University. The idea that they wouldn't see each other as often anymore, or in the worst case scenario, never again. The reason why he confessed to Hirose in the first place.

“although… I think we're going to have to spend our university years in a long-distance relationship, aren't we? Which one will you be attending?”

Hirose's face turned so red that Nakamura was sure he would melt at any moment. Looking away with some apprehension, he murmured a reply, but Nakamura didn't hear him.

“sorry, I didn't hear you properly, Hirose. Aren't you going to any university?”

“Yeah, well… let’s just say that a few months ago when you talked to our teacher about your application to Kaiyodai… I… I might have sended an application too” they finally met eye contact, though Hirose was extremely embarrassed. “Don’t take me as a stalker, but I didn’t like the idea of ​​not being with you.”

The world stood still for a moment as Nakamura processed the fact that Hirose had wanted them to stay together, so much so that he had sent an application to the same university, even though they were nothing more than friends at that moment.

He didn't think it was possible to love someone like that, but his heart told him otherwise when he saw the beautiful little face embarrassed in front of him.

He effortlessly got up from the couch, causing Hirose to let out a little squeal and cling to his shoulders, both of them sitting facing each other with Hirose sitting on Nakamura's lap, straddling him.

Nakamura couldn't help but laugh happily as he hugged Hirose lovingly.

“I can't believe it! I'm going to my dream university with my gorgeous boyfriend. I feel like I'm dreaming.”

He began showering kisses all over Hirose's flushed face, who tried to resist while laughing.

“Nakamura! Wait!”

But he couldn't really resist, loving this affectionate side of his boyfriend. He could get used to living like this for the rest of his life, enjoying the kisses scattered on his skin and the deep laughter that came from his handsome boyfriend.

They couldn't wait to start their new life.

The two boys were wrapped in a blanket, holding each other as they finished watching the movie. Nakamura was dozing off, his head nodding occasionally, while Hirose was buried against his boyfriend's chest—hiding from the movie. Who on earth had said it was funny?

Suddenly, the sound of a LINE notification on Hirose’s phone woke Nakamura up; Hirose held the phone close so they could both see the message his friend Ohmori had sent.

"Look, Ohmori asked if you're with me and why we skipped class."

Laughing, he showed the chat to his boyfriend, who read it quickly and smiled, blushing.

"Oh, right. Are we going to tell him?"

Hirose shrugged, though his heart began to pound at the thought of holding Nakamura’s hand in public. Decisively, he turned and kissed Nakamura’s cheek, then held up his phone and snapped a photo of the two of them—capturing his boyfriend’s endearing, confused expression.

The photo was beautiful.

He sent it to Ohmori, smiling at Nakamura’s squeal of surprise.