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Declan realized something was different already during the church service, when Ronan didn’t verbally attack him like he usually did. He glanced at Matthew, confused, but Matthew just grinned back and shrugged, cheery as always. Even when provoked – “so what have you been fucking up lately?” – Ronan’s response – “oh, you know, just my entire life” – was more mellow than Declan had even thought possible.
He stared at Ronan. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
Matthew laughed then, pressing himself in between the two of them, slinging his arms over their shoulders, even if he was a little too short to do so comfortably on Ronan. Ronan, finally, did something that was true to form, showing his teeth in a feral sneer directed at Declan.
“Oh go fuck yourself.”
“There he is!” Declan couldn’t help but grin, a little less hostile than it would’ve been a month ago. Maybe he was different, too, or at least starting to change. Maybe it was for the better.
Ronan just rolled his eyes as he broke free from Matthew, leading his brothers to his car.
“You guys coming, or what?”
Matthew opened the door to the passenger seat without a word, without a question, but Declan gestured to his own car. He couldn’t just leave it there, as he was pretty sure he’d be forced to walk back from the Barns to get it. Ronan seemed different, but Declan doubted he’d be so kind as to make the drive to St. Agnes and back a second time, just so Declan could pick up his own car.
“I’ll follow you.”
Declan hadn’t expected the invitation – usually Ronan would storm out of the church without saying a word to him, and drive toward the Barns as fast as he could, tires squealing – but he wasn’t about to do or say anything that could make Ronan withdraw it. He missed the Barns sometimes, and he hadn’t been there since Ronan’s birthday.
When they got there, and Adam Parrish greeted them on the porch, things started to make a little more sense. Ronan’s friends sometimes had the ability to temper him just a little, to mellow him out for an hour or two, to make him smile and back down from fights and care. The only other person who could do that was Matthew, but usually not when it was just the three of them.
“Parrish,” Declan greeted politely as he stepped into the hallway. Adam just nodded at him, but before he had a chance to say anything, Ronan’s strange dream girl came galloping toward them, and Adam had to grab her so she wouldn’t careen into Declan and probably knock him off his feet.
“Opal,” Adam scolded with a familiarity that took Declan aback, just a little. Perhaps Ronan’s friends were closer to him than Declan had first thought, if this boy was allowed to be so close to Ronan’s precious dream creatures. “What have I told you? No running inside.”
The girl looked up at Adam, the expression on her face so petulant and Ronan-like that Declan almost laughed.
“Kerah does it.”
Declan took off his jacket and hung it by the door, listening closely as Adam sighed and said, “Don’t do what Ronan does, do what I say.” Declan turned back toward them just in time to see Opal wrench her arm free from Adam’s hand and stick her tongue out at him, turning to the still open door.
“Don’t eat anything we wouldn’t eat!” Adam called after her. He turned back to Declan with a sigh and an apologetic smile. “Sorry. She’s too much like Ronan for her own good, not to mention it’s hard for her to learn how to live in the real world.
“I understand,” said Declan, quietly wondering at Adam’s clearly parental role. “Now where did my horrible brother go?”
Ronan had disappeared into the house before Declan had even gotten out of his car, and there was no sign of him now. Before Adam could answer, there was a crash and a raven shriek from the kitchen. Adam winced, but Declan could see the grin he suppressed.
“Kitchen, by the sound of it,” he said, as Ronan yelled affectionate swear words at Chainsaw in the background. “He’s probably attempting to set the table. Opal and I made pie for you and Matthew yesterday. Don’t tell Ronan I told you, it’s supposed to be a surprise.”
As Declan followed Adam into the kitchen, he mused again at how different things seemed. Maybe it was just that Ronan was finally learning to live again, to be happy. The thought warmed Declan’s heart, but as he glanced at Adam, he wondered about his role in this. He wasn’t exactly a new addition in Ronan’s life, but something about him – him and Ronan – seemed to have changed.
He watched quietly from the doorway as Adam, sure of his place, tried to calm the chaos in the kitchen. Ronan was indeed trying to set the table, and it would seem Chainsaw had been trying to help, succeeding only in creating chaos.
“This goddamned bird,” Ronan swore, glaring at her black form as Adam called her to him. She settled on Adam’s shoulder easily, picking at her feathers and seemingly glaring at Ronan. “Why did I even dream her?”
Adam laughed, carefully bending down to pick up the pieces of the plate Chainsaw had dropped. She squawked, talons digging into Adam’s shirt so she wouldn’t fall, but didn’t take flight again.
“Because you are far softer than most people think,” Adam said, teasingly, truthfully.
The ease of it struck something in Declan, made him feel warm but also like an outsider. There was something soft in Ronan’s face as he looked at Adam, the hint of another truth. He had yet to look at Declan, standing in the doorway, and when he did, Declan was sure all that softness would be gone. He took half a step back, hiding himself better in the shadows. There was something about the scene unfolding in front of him that he needed to see, to understand.
So he watched as Adam, with Chainsaw on his shoulder, and Ronan, pretend scowling and swearing, somehow lovingly, at everything, worked around each other in a familiar rhythm.
“Did you have a good morning?” Ronan asked Adam, plucking a new plate from one of the cabinets. Declan almost couldn’t believe his ears: was Ronan making small talk?
Adam hummed. “Yeah, you know, the usual. Fed the cows and the chickens and the small things, made sure Opal didn’t kill herself eating something poisonous, made this place presentable.”
He paused, looking at Ronan with such a fond look on his face that something in Declan hurt. He felt himself slide a little bit closer to understanding something vital.
“Missing you,” Adam said, and his voice was as soft as his face.
Ronan put down the glasses he was holding and turned to look at Adam, leaning against the counter behind him. There was something equally soft in his face, albeit more hidden, and Declan was starting to feel awkward now, like he was trespassing, stealing something that wasn’t his.
“C’mere.” Ronan opened his arms, and Adam stepped into them without hesitation. Chainsaw squawked again, at the closeness to Ronan this time, and lifted from Adam’s shoulder to find another, less offensive, perch.
The care and love and attention that Ronan held Adam with, brushing hands over his neck, fingers playing with his hair and ears, felt entirely foreign to Declan. Sure, he had seen Ronan hold things with this kind of tender awe before – tiny mice, baby birds, some of Niall Lynch’s dream things – but never another human being, not even Matthew.
Oh, he thought as he watched Ronan lay his cheek against the top of Adam’s hair, eyes closed. His heart felt close to bursting with some strange emotion – love, envy, understanding, wonder – as Ronan placed a soft kiss against Adam’s hair.
“I missed you too,” Ronan said, voice so low and soft that Declan barely heard him. “Always.”
They stood like that for a minute, arms around each other, Ronan’s face against Adam’s hair, Adam’s against Ronan’s neck, and just breathed. Then Adam loosed his arms from around Ronan’s waist and took a step back, looking up at him. Declan couldn’t see his face, but he imagined he was smiling.
“Should I go fetch the others?” he said.
Ronan nodded and, to Declan’s surprise, leaned in to place a small kiss on Adam’s forehead.
“I’ll take out the pie.”
Declan quickly backed several more steps into the hallway behind him, taking out his phone to pretend to look busy as Adam approached him.
“Hey,” Adam said, a little surprised at Declan’s closeness, “I believe we’re ready to eat. Do you know where Matthew is?”
“I think he went outside. Maybe he’s with… Opal, was it?”
Adam nodded, smiling. “Yeah. I’ll go look for them, you join Ronan in the kitchen.”
Declan did, soon falling into surprisingly easy banter with his brother, still watching him closely. It was easier to see what was different now – Ronan was more relaxed and at ease, less aggressive and sharp than he’d been for a long while. He seemed to be truly, genuinely happy.
When Adam came back into the kitchen, closely followed by a smiling Matthew and a muddy Opal, Ronan seemed to relax even further. Declan watched them even more closely than before, eyes flitting between Adam and Ronan as Ronan scolded Opal for getting dirty while they had guests over, and Adam scolded Ronan for scolding Opal (“she’s just a child! A dream child!”). It was interesting, this dynamic, the ease and comfort of it.
Conversation flowed easier than it had in over a year as they ate, words interspersed with Matthew’s loud, carefree laughter and Opal’s bird-like one. It’s a little bit unnerving, Declan thought, how clearly not real she is sometimes, but the way both Adam and Ronan looked at her like she’s the most precious thing in the universe is more than enough to make him shut up about it.
They looked at her like parents, he realized when the pie was nearly finished. She had just said a stupid joke that made both Declan and Matthew laugh a little, and Ronan and Adam both looked at her with fond, proud smiles.
Afterward, when Declan stood up to leave, Adam stopped him with a hand on his sleeve.
“No, stay for a while,” he said, smiling at Declan as he lowered his voice, “I think this is good for Ronan. He misses Matthew and I think he misses you too.”
Declan raised his eyebrows. “Don’t let him hear you say that.
“I know.” Adam laughed. “He’d kill me in my sleep.”
“Who’d kill you in their sleep?” Ronan asked, catching onto the last bit of their conversation. It was possible he’d heard more of it, but pretended like he hadn’t.
“You,” Adam replied easily, earning a light punch to his waist.
Somehow Declan and Matthew staying for a little while turned into staying for quite a long while, and then Adam insisted it was far too late for them to drive back to D.C.
“Just stay the night!” he pleaded. “We have plenty of room, and I promise you, Opal will be up in time to wake the rest of us before you need to leave.”
If it wasn’t for the hopeful look on Adam’s face, and his meaningful glance at Ronan, who was play wrestling with Matthew and smiling more than Declan could remember him doing since they were children, Declan would have insisted he and Matthew leave the same day.
“But where will I sleep?” Opal asked when Declan headed for his room, eyes wide, lips pouting. She looked so much like a sad puppy that Declan wondered if Adam and Ronan would ever be able to withstand it.
“You can have my room, little bird,” Ronan told her, and Declan just barely kept himself from starting at the nickname. “Adam and I will sleep somewhere else.”
The way Ronan said Adam and I, the familiarity and naturalness of it, drove something home for Declan, something he’d started uncovering at the start of the day, and was starting to fully understand now. It was love. Love was what was different about Ronan – love given, and love received. Love was what softened his edges, widened his smile, relaxed his stance and his words and his thoughts.
Ronan loved Adam and Adam loved Ronan. It was so obvious now that he’d seen it, and Declan wondered how he hadn’t seen it sooner. He listened, smiling and fond, as Adam and Ronan helped Opal brush her teeth and her hair and get ready for bed. He watched, heart clenching just a little, as Adam carried her on his hip into Ronan’s room, as Ronan kissed her cheek goodnight, as they tucked her in and exited the room as a single creature, arms locked together, feet moving in sync.
He smiled wider when Adam and Ronan spotted him watching them, freezing at the same time.
“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” he said, shaking his head. “Man, you’re so gone for each other.”
Ronan sneered at him: Adam rolled his eyes. Declan just laughed.
“See you tomorrow, Declan,” Adam said, as Ronan dragged him toward the room that had once been Niall and Aurora’s.
Just that, the fact that Ronan would not only sleep in that room but share it with someone, spoke volumes. Declan hoped, for all their sakes, that Adam would stay. He suspected that, if Adam left, Ronan would never really recover.
Of course, he regretted his tiny bit of teasing later, when Adam and Ronan woke him up by making the headboard bang against the wall, pointedly moaning louder than, Declan suspected, they usually would.
In the morning, he glared at them as they snickered, heads together, whispering to each other. Matthew’s cheeks were dusted pink, too, when he looked at their effortless closeness, but Opal seemed unperturbed. Either she was used to it, or she hadn’t woken up.
As Declan said goodbye to the three of them, their strange little family, he desperately hoped it was the latter.