Chapter Text
The cafeteria was unbearably loud, although after so many years at Midtown, I should have gotten used to it by now. The students’ voices blended with the clatter of trays, chairs scraping across the floor, and conversations coming from every direction. I was sitting across from MJ, trying to eat something, but I had barely touched my food for the past few minutes. My attention was fixed on the other side of the cafeteria.
Peter was there, standing beside one of the tables, talking to Liz, and he was nervous. Really nervous. You could tell even from where we were sitting. He kept adjusting his backpack every few seconds, moving his hands way too much, and nodding at everything Liz said as if he was afraid of missing a single word. At one point, he nearly dropped his water bottle. I stared at him, caught somewhere between amused and concerned.
“He’s freaking out,” I muttered.
MJ didn’t even look up.
“You’re only noticing now?”
“No, I mean he’s freaking out right now. Look at his hands.”
MJ finally looked over at Peter. She watched him for a few seconds before looking back at me.
“God.”
“What?”
“He’s worse than I thought.”
I smiled a little. Yeah. He was worse, and I knew exactly why.
All of this had started a few weeks earlier, when I realized that Peter was completely smitten with Liz. He had never actually said it outright, of course. Peter never said things directly when it came to her. It was always “I don’t know,” “I think she’s pretty,” or “It’s not a big deal,” while he would stare at her for five seconds longer than normal every time she walked by.
I knew him way too well. I knew when he was lying. And besides, there was something pretty obvious about the way he changed whenever Liz showed up. Peter could fight criminals, jump off buildings, and get himself into situations that would make any normal person panic, but one smile from Liz could leave him completely speechless.
The first time I tried to help him was after she came over to ask if he was going to a party. I was there, so I saw the whole thing. Liz asked him a pretty simple question, and Peter started answering as if she had asked him to calculate the trajectory of a rocket. First he said yes, then no, then maybe, and just when it seemed like he had finally settled on an answer, he blurted out, “I have things to do.”
When Liz left, Peter stared at his desk for a few seconds.
“‘I have things to do’?” I asked.
Peter sighed.
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“You could’ve said yes.”
“I did say yes.”
“Then you said no.”
“I got nervous.”
“And then you said maybe.”
Peter looked at me.
“Ned…”
“And then you said that.”
He sank back against his chair.
“I want to disappear.”
I laughed, obviously, but that was the moment I decided I was going to help him. Because that’s what friends do. If your best friend is in love with someone and is too awkward to approach them, you help him. Or at least that’s what I kept telling myself.
So I started giving him advice. I told him to talk to Liz whenever he got the chance, not to mentally rehearse every sentence before saying it, and, please, to try to act like a normal person whenever she was around.
I also started looking for opportunities to get them talking. If Liz sat somewhere, I would try to convince Peter to sit nearby. If there was a group project, I would find a way to get them paired together. And if, by some miracle, they ended up alone together, I disappeared.
Well, I tried to disappear.
Sometimes it worked.
Other times, it was a complete disaster.
One time, I tried to get Peter to sit next to Liz during lunch, and he ended up hitting himself against the table because he was so focused on not looking nervous that he didn’t even look at where the chair was. Another time, we had a conversation about how he should approach her, and I ended up giving him advice that I still think was pretty good.
“Just talk to her.”
Peter looked at me.
“Just like that?”
“Yeah.”
“And what do I say?”
“I don’t know. Whatever.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“Peter, you can talk for twenty minutes about Mr. Stark, so you can talk to Liz.”
“I don’t talk for twenty minutes about Mr. Stark.”
I looked at him.
“Yesterday, you explained to me how his suit works.”
Peter went quiet.
“That was important.”
“Sure.”
“And besides, you asked me.”
“I asked you how you were doing with the suit he made you.”
“It was a related answer.”
“Peter.”
“Okay.”
He laughed, and I laughed too. Those were the things I liked most about being around him. Peter could turn any ridiculous conversation into something that somehow ended up making me laugh.
And maybe that was why helping him with Liz felt a little strange to me. I was happy to see him happy. I really was. I wanted things to work out for him.
But there were moments when I caught myself looking at him for a little too long, and I had to remind myself that he was my best friend, that this was what friends did, and that there was nothing strange about feeling a little... I don’t know.
Protective, I guess.
MJ had noticed our strategies a long time ago.
And ever since then, she had started calling us “nerds.”
Every time she saw us talking in a corner or coming up with some ridiculous plan, she would show up with that amused look on her face.
---------------Flashback---------------
“What are you nerds doing?”
Peter always protested.
“We’re not nerds.”
MJ looked at him.
“Peter, I literally watched you take apart a drone just to figure out how it worked.”
“That doesn’t make me a nerd.”
Then she pointed at me.
“And you.”
“Me what?”
“You’re worse.”
“Why?”
“Because I once heard you talk for half an hour about a Star Wars LEGO set.”
I frowned.
“It was a complicated set.”
“It was an X-Wing.”
“It had a lot of pieces.”
MJ smiled.
“Nerd.”
Peter started laughing.
“Don’t laugh,” I said, trying to keep a straight face.
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“A little.”
“You’re a nerd too.”
Peter raised his eyebrows, as if that accusation had completely caught him off guard.
“I never said I wasn’t.”
“Then stop laughing at me.”
“I’m not laughing at you.”
“Peter.”
“Okay, fine. A little.”
He smiled again, and I had to look away so he wouldn’t notice that I was almost doing the same.
That was exactly the problem with Peter. It was impossible to stay mad at him for very long because he always found some way to make everything seem less serious.
And I was still annoyed.
Or, at least, I wanted to stay annoyed.
“I don’t understand what you find so funny,” I muttered.
“It’s just... you were really focused.”
“And what’s so funny about that?”
“Nothing, it’s just... you looked really serious.”
“Because I was trying to explain something to you.”
“I know.”
“Then stop laughing.”
Peter nodded, trying to look serious.
“Okay. I won’t laugh anymore.”
About three seconds passed.
He smiled again.
“Peter.”
“Sorry.”
“You’re not sorry.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No.”
“Okay, fine. Not that sorry.”
I stared at him.
He held my gaze for a few seconds before looking down, still smiling.
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Yes.”
“A lot?”
“Pretty mad.”
“On a scale of one to ten?”
“Eleven.”
Peter grimaced.
“That seems a little exaggerated.”
“It’s not.”
“Well... maybe a little.”
“Peter.”
“Okay, okay.”
He shifted in his chair and fell silent. For the first time since he had started teasing me, he seemed to understand that I really didn’t want to keep arguing.
Then he spoke much more quietly.
“Seriously, Ned, I’m sorry.”
I glanced at him.
“You already said that.”
“Yeah, but this time I mean it.”
“You meant it before too.”
“But I mean it more this time.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know.”
I stayed quiet.
Peter lowered his gaze to his hands.
“I didn’t mean to annoy you.”
“You did.”
“I know.”
“And then you laughed.”
“Because I was nervous.”
“Nervous?”
“Yeah.”
“And what does that have to do with anything?”
Peter shrugged.
“When I know you’re mad at me, I don’t know what to do.”
That made me look at him.
Peter genuinely looked sad.
“Usually, I just try to make you laugh,” he continued. “But I think I made things worse this time.”
I couldn’t stop a small smile from slipping onto my face.
Peter noticed it immediately.
“Was that a smile?”
“No.”
“It was.”
“No.”
“Ned, I know you.”
“And I know you.”
“Then you know I’m trying to fix this.”
“I know.”
Peter smiled.
“Does that mean you forgive me?”
“Not so fast.”
His expression immediately fell.
“Oh.”
I tried not to laugh.
“I’m still mad at you.”
“But you’re smiling.”
“That doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you.”
“Then what does it mean?”
“It means you’re ridiculous.”
Peter smiled a little wider.
“That’s better than you being mad.”
“Don’t get excited.”
“Too late.”
From across the table, MJ watched us in silence. She had been following our argument for several minutes without saying a word, and judging by the expression on her face, she was enjoying this far too much.
“What?” I asked when I noticed her staring.
MJ shook her head.
“Nothing.”
“No, it’s definitely something.”
“I’m just thinking.”
Peter looked at her.
“That’s never good.”
MJ raised an eyebrow.
“You two argue like a couple.”
I froze.
Peter did too.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” MJ said.
“No, you said we look like a couple.”
“Because you do.”
Peter quickly answered.
“We do not look like a couple.”
“Sure.”
“We’re friends.”
“Yeah.”
“Really good friends.”
MJ smiled.
“That’s why.”
Peter looked at her, confused.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“MJ.”
“Peter.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
MJ let out a small laugh.
I shook my head.
“Don’t encourage her.”
Peter looked back at me.
“See? You’re on my side too.”
“I’m not on your side.”
“You just told me not to encourage her.”
“Because this is going to end even worse.”
“It already ended worse.”
“Why?”
Peter looked at me for a few seconds.
“Because you’re still mad at me.”
I couldn’t answer right away.
Peter kept looking at me, waiting.
Finally, I sighed.
“I’m not as mad anymore.”
His expression immediately changed, lighting up with happiness.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“So…”
“No.”
“But I haven’t even finished.”
“I already know what you were going to ask.”
Peter smiled.
“Do you forgive me?”
I looked at him for a few seconds.
“Yeah.”
Peter let out the breath he seemed to have been holding for several minutes.
“Thanks.”
“But don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”
“I mean it.”
“So do I.”
“Peter.”
“What?”
“Thanks for insisting.”
Peter smiled.
“I’ll always insist with you.”
MJ shook her head again from her seat.
“Yeah. You two definitely seem like a couple.”
This time, Peter didn’t respond.
He just looked at me.
And, for some reason, neither of us bothered to correct her.
That was just how MJ was. She said things directly, without worrying too much about whether they annoyed us or not. And even though we pretended she got on our nerves, neither of us ever really took it personally.
Now, though, everything was different. Peter was finally talking to Liz without me having to come up with some excuse to get them together. He was there on his own, and even though he still looked like he was about to pass out, at least he hadn’t run away.
“Look at him,” MJ said, looking over at him.
I let out a laugh.
“I told him to breathe.”
“He’s not breathing.”
“Yes, he is.”
“Ned, I can see him holding his breath from here.”
I looked back at Peter. She was right. He was talking way too fast and moving his hands like he needed to explain something incredibly important.
“I also told him not to talk so fast.”
“Well, clearly he didn’t listen to you either.”
Peter said something I couldn’t hear. Liz smiled.
And Peter went completely still.
I felt a small sense of satisfaction.
“She smiled.”
MJ looked at me.
“Yeah.”
“No, but... she smiled at him.”
“Ned, people smile.”
“I know, but she smiled at him.”
MJ laughed.
“God, you two are impossible.”
I kept looking at Peter for another moment. There was something about his expression that made me smile. He looked happy. Nervous, yeah, but happy.
And that was enough for me.
Or at least, I tried to convince myself it was.
“I think it’s working,” I said.
“What?”
“My plan.”
MJ raised an eyebrow.
“Your master plan?”
I smiled.
“My master plan.”
“You’re two nerds.”
“Yeah.”
“Two nerds in love.”
I looked at her for a few seconds.
“Peter’s in love.”
MJ kept watching me, this time with a slightly more curious expression.
“What about you?”
I froze.
“What about me?”
“Nothing.”
She turned her attention back toward Peter.
I did the same.
I didn’t say anything else, so MJ continued watching Peter and Liz for a few seconds, still wearing that amused expression. I tried to focus on my food again, even though I already knew I wouldn’t be able to.
After what she had just said, there was something uncomfortable hanging between us. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I could feel it.
MJ stayed quiet for another moment, watching Peter and Liz as if she were trying to figure something out. Then she finally spoke with such casualness that I assumed she wasn’t about to say anything important.
“I never thought Peter would actually get a girlfriend.”
I let out a short laugh and looked at her.
“Does it surprise you that he can get one?”
MJ shrugged.
“Well, yeah.”
I laughed again, a little louder this time.
“‘Well, yeah.’ That’s what you said.”
“What?”
“You said it like Peter was incapable of getting a girlfriend.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I said I was surprised.”
“That’s basically the same thing.”
MJ rolled her eyes and picked up her drink, taking a small sip before looking back toward Peter.
I smiled, still expecting another joke about him, but then I noticed MJ wasn’t looking at Peter anymore.
She was looking at me.
And she didn’t have the same amused expression as before.
“Although...” she said slowly.
I waited.
“Although what?”
MJ placed her drink back on the table.
“To be honest...”
She paused.
I frowned slightly.
“What?”
She tilted her head a little, studying me.
“I thought he was in love with you.”
I felt the smile disappear from my face.
For a moment, I thought I had heard her wrong.
“What?”
MJ shrugged, as if she had just said something completely normal.
“Peter.”
“Yeah, I know you’re talking about Peter.”
“I thought he was in love with you.”
I didn’t know what to say.
I looked toward Peter almost instinctively. He was still talking to Liz, completely unaware of our conversation. He seemed focused on her, smiling nervously as he tried to keep the conversation going without completely panicking.
Then I looked back at MJ.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you two are always together.”
“We’re friends.”
“I know.”
“He helps me with everything.”
“I know.”
“He’s my best friend.”
“I know that too.”
The calm way she answered me only made me more nervous.
“Then I don’t understand.”
MJ rested her arms on the table.
“Ned, I’m not saying it’s true. I’m saying I thought it once.”
“Why?”
She stayed quiet for a few seconds.
“Because of the way he looks at you.”
I felt a small knot form in my stomach.
“How does he look at me?”
“Yeah.”
“And how does he look at me?”
MJ smiled slightly.
“That’s the funny part. You never notice.”
“Notice what?”
“Nothing.”
“MJ.”
“What?”
“Tell me.”
She let out a small laugh.
“You’re always paying attention to him.”
“He’s my best friend.”
“I know.”
“So…”
“And he’s always paying attention to you.”
I stayed quiet.
Not because I didn’t have an answer.
But because, suddenly, I had too many.
I thought about all the times Peter had waited for me after school, how we always ended up together even when we hadn’t planned on seeing each other. How he texted me to tell me absolutely anything, even the most insignificant things. How he always looked for me when we walked into a room, and how he smiled whenever he saw me arrive.
But that was friendship.
Right?
Peter was my best friend.
That was all.
Or at least, that was what I had always thought.
“That’s what friends do,” I finally said.
MJ didn’t answer.
“Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I don’t understand the problem.”
“I didn’t say there was a problem.”
“But you just said…”
“I said what I thought.”
“And you thought Peter was in love with me.”
“Yeah.”
“But he’s in love with Liz.”
MJ looked toward Peter, then back at me.
“Seems like it.”
The way she said seems made me frown.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“MJ.”
“Ned.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Say something and then act like you didn’t say anything.”
She smiled.
“You’re getting nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No.”
“You’re doing that thing with your hands.”
I looked down.
My fingers were intertwined, moving nervously against each other.
I quickly separated them.
“I’m not nervous.”
“Sure.”
An awkward silence settled between us.
“Have you ever thought I was in love with him?” I asked.
The question came out before I could stop it.
MJ stopped smiling.
She stared at me.
I went still too. I didn’t know why I had asked that. Maybe because I wanted to know the answer. Maybe because I needed to hear her say no.
Or maybe because, somewhere in the back of my mind, a small part of me had been asking myself the same question for far too long.
MJ took a few seconds before answering.
“Yes.”
For a moment, it felt like the noise of the cafeteria disappeared.
“What?”
“I’ve thought it before.”
I swallowed.
“Why?”
MJ shrugged.
“Because of the way you talk about him.”
“How do I talk about him?”
“Like he’s the most important person in the world.”
I couldn’t answer.
She kept looking at me.
“And maybe he is.”
I looked away.
Peter was still on the other side of the cafeteria.
Liz was saying something.
Peter was laughing, completely unaware of what was going through my head, and I should have been happy for him. I should have been thinking about how well everything was going, about how he had finally seemed to find someone he genuinely liked, and about how much Peter deserved something like that after everything he had been through.
And honestly, part of me was happy.
The problem was that there was another part of me that couldn’t stop looking at Liz and thinking about how easy everything seemed whenever she was around him. She was beautiful, confident, smart, and had the kind of presence that made people notice her the moment she walked into a room.
Whenever Peter smiled while talking to her, something inside me tightened in a way I couldn’t explain.
At first, I tried to convince myself that I was just being protective. Peter was my best friend, and after all, I had always wanted him to have a girlfriend, to go out, meet people, and have a normal life.
But then Liz stepped closer to him, and Peter smiled that way I knew so well.
And I felt something like a sharp pang in my chest.
Jealousy.
The word appeared in my head before I could stop it, and for a moment, I refused to even acknowledge it.
It made no sense.
What could I possibly be jealous of?
That my best friend had a girl he liked?
That was ridiculous.
And yet, the more I tried to ignore it, the more aware I became of every little detail: how pretty Liz was, how easy it seemed for her to talk to Peter, the way he looked at her, and how she could make him laugh without even trying very hard.
And then came the insecurities.
Because if Peter could be with someone like Liz, someone so beautiful and confident, where did that leave me?
I was just Ned. His best friend, yeah, but his best friend.
The guy he talked to about movies, the guy he shared ridiculous theories with, the guy he called whenever he needed help with something.
Liz could be the person Peter wanted by his side, while I had always assumed I would simply be there as his friend, as a permanent part of his life that I would never have to question.
For the first time, that certainty started to disappear.
I wondered if Peter would ever stop needing me as much once he had someone like her.
If he would start spending less time with me. If our conversations would become shorter. If we would stop doing the things we used to do together because now he would have someone much more interesting to share them with.
I tried to push those thoughts away, but I couldn’t.
I looked at Liz again and then at Peter, who was still laughing with her, and felt a pang of guilt for thinking that way.
Liz hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault that she was beautiful, that Peter liked her, or that she made him happy.
If anyone was doing something wrong, it was me, for feeling this way when I was supposed to be happy for my best friend.
So I forced a smile and tried to convince myself that everything was fine, that this was just a passing insecurity, and that by tomorrow I would feel like myself again.
“Ned.”
MJ’s voice pulled me back. I had been trying to pretend I wasn’t paying attention to Peter, but apparently I hadn’t been nearly as discreet as I thought.
“What?”
MJ looked toward Peter again, then back at me.
“It bothers you that he’s with Liz.”
I felt my shoulders tense.
“No.”
“Ned.”
“It doesn’t bother me.”
“Then explain to me why you’ve been staring at them all night.”
I didn’t answer.
MJ sighed softly.
“Look, I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were.”
“Then don’t waste my time.”
I looked at her.
“What do you want me to say?”
MJ lowered her voice.
“That you like Peter.”
I felt my heart stop for a second.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“No, no, that’s not…”
“Ned, it’s pretty obvious.”
“It’s not obvious.”
“To me, it is.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
MJ held my gaze.
“You like Peter.”
I stood completely still.
“What?”
“And you like him too.”
I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t manage to respond.
MJ continued before I could say anything.
“I’ve seen everything.”
“MJ…”
“And you do exactly the same things with him, so I don’t know why you’re so worried about Liz when…”
“Ned?”
Peter’s voice made my entire body tense.
MJ fell silent.
I turned around.
Peter was walking toward us with a calm smile, completely unaware of what had just been said.
“What are you guys doing?”
I looked at MJ.
She didn’t say anything.
Peter stepped a little closer.
“Everything okay?”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Peter took another step toward me.
“I wanted to ask you something.”
I stepped back before I could stop myself.
Peter stopped.
“Ned?”
“I have to go.”
“What?”
“I’ll be right back.”
“But…”
I didn’t wait for him to finish.
I walked away quickly, leaving Peter standing behind me.
And as I walked, I could think about only one thing.
MJ had just said that Peter felt something for me too.
And I wasn’t ready to find out if she was right.
Because MJ didn’t lie.