Archive of Our Own

“Look who's here again.”

Marnie's low whistling made his blush creep down his neck. Ryan was back. No swim shirt this time. Sun glistening on pale abs and biceps; why was the shade getting so hot? When Ryan turned to look in his direction, he quietly tore his gaze away. “You look like you're going to explode, Naim. You alright?” Jessica asked. Thoughts of what he was witnessing swamped his mind; only a nod made it out. Marnie had started trying—terribly—to hide her laughter. “Aye, sweetheart, don't laugh at Naim. You can't blame him for having a little boy crush on the guy. Look at the muscles on him; you know Naim has a thing for those.” Naim groaned into his hands, wishing to bury himself in the sand. 

His infatuation with Ryan started at the beginning of summer. Every year, his family would spend their summer at Bandee. Despite coming here every summer, Naim had never seen Ryan before. He hadn't seen Hunter either. Hunter was what he assumed—and hoped—was Ryan's surfing friend. They showed up to the beach together, so he thought it was a good hunch. Anyway, this summer, he watched Ryan and Hunter greet the pastor of the town—who lived next door to their house in Bandee—and welcomed them in. One day, while the boys were out and it was just the pastor, Naim asked him who they were. The pastor happily explained how they were high school students who just graduated like Naim and would be spending their summer here. He explained how one of the boys’ fathers—Hunter’s—was a pastor and asked him to house them. The pastor’s enthusiasm made Naim suspect his mum had talked to him about making more friends. Specifically, more male friends. Whatever. He thanked the pastor before the boys came back and went on with his day. 

After that conversation, he hasn't been able to go anywhere without somehow bumping into the boy. Hearing that Hunter’s father was a pastor and friends with this town’s pastor made him wary of both boys. But whenever his staring was caught, he wasn’t met with any judgement, just Ryan’s beaming smile and kind eyes. If he hadn't fallen head-over-heels for those eyes, he'd think he was getting stalked. The fact that Ryan seemed to choose very convenient times to surf—during almost every shift Naim has as a lifeguard—didn't help at all. 

Marnie and Jessica—also known as Jess—clocked his weird behavior the moment Ryan set foot on the beach. They haven't stopped teasing him about it since. 

“You make me sound like a fucking pervert,” Naim mumbled through his hands. 

Marnie patted his back. “That's because you look like one, Naim. With the way you gaze at him from afar.” 

Naim huffed, “You guys are seriously the worst. Do you know that?”

Jess smirked while Marnie responded with a cheerful yep. He wanted to say that he wished he had never met them, but that would be the farthest thing from the truth. He practically grew up with them. Finding them at Bandee every summer, secretly smoking on abandoned roofs, and then getting this summer job with them. They were honestly his only friends in this town. 

Bandee wasn't the biggest town. It lay near the border of Victoria and South Australia, near the ocean and seagulls. His dad had grown up here and moved out the second he could. Naim couldn't blame him. The town barely had anything interesting to do; the church and smoking on abandoned buildings were the only pastimes. Even with how bland the town was, the beach they were supervising had a decent amount of attendees. 

Three heads whipped in the direction of distressed shouting. “Help them onto shore!” 

A kid had swum further away from the beach than intended, a big wave catching them by surprise. Snapping into action, Naim instructed Jess to make people back up, especially the parents. Marnie stood to the side, calling the local hospital and ready to jump in if Naim was too tired to keep up with compressions. Periodically, Naim blew air into the kid's lungs before starting compressions again. He hasn't done this in a long time, but muscle memory was a useful thing. His stamina was shit though. 

“Come on, kid, come on.” He muttered to himself. Before he could lean down to give the kid some air again, they turned to the side and vomited up the water in their lungs. Naim rubbed their back, prompting the kid to cough more water out. Applause travelled to his ears, and he looked up just in time to avoid getting in the way of parents' hugs. The ordeal was sweet from where he watched from the side, Jessica wordlessly telling him good job with a hand patting his shoulder. 

“Hey.” 

Naim glanced at the owner of the greeting. Dripping blonde waves and ocean eyes faced him. “Just wanted to say that what you did back there was super cool. Good job.” Awkwardness was radiating off of Ryan's body language. It was clear he didn't know what he was quite saying, scratching the back of his neck with a goofy smile on his face. Naim didn't seem to mind.

“Thanks, you did a pretty good job too.” The reason why the kid hadn't drowned was because Ryan was the one who spotted them and lifted them to shore. “The kid could have floated further outwards without you.” 

He waved off the compliment. “I was just doing what any person would do. You did the real saving part.” If only he knew the amount of dickheads Naim's met in Adelaide. Hunter came up from behind Ryan, jabbing him in the side. It took all of Ryan’s strength not to double over. He still flinched. Eyes narrowed at where Hunter had walked beside him. He stared right back, flitting his eyes towards the brunette boy in front of him. With a small sigh, Ryan offered a hand out to Naim. “I’m Ryan, by the way.” 

Naim took it with newfound confidence. “Naim.”

Ryan’s head tilted to the side in question. “Yes?” 

“No, my name is Naim. N A I M.” He should have seen that coming. A soft pink dusted Ryan’s cheek as he apologized. Ryan slightly stumbled over his words before finally asking for Naim’s number, so they could contact each other. Naim patted his pockets; his phone must have dropped somewhere on the beach when they were sprinting towards the kid. “Sorry, I think my phone dropped. I could input my number in your phone.” The last statement ended in a question. He would be an idiot for passing up this opportunity because he lost his phone. Thankfully, Ryan nodded, handing his phone over to Naim. When they finished, Ryan waved goodbye before Hunter looped his arm around his head and dragged him away. Naim might look unaffected when he waved back, but when he turned around to face his friends, he let out a silent scream. 

Marnie handed him his dropped phone, given to her by one of the onlookers who passed by it when Naim was busy. “Didn’t know you had game.” He told her to shut up, but he was beaming. 

~☆~

Ryan texted him first. A simple introductory message stating hi, his name, and how he had Naim’s number. A cheeky if you had forgotten signed off his message. After weeks of far-away observing, he couldn’t believe he had somehow gotten the boy’s number. And he didn’t even have to ask! Naim would kick himself if he started acting like a schoolgirl kicking his feet on his bed, so he opted to internally imagine it. Naim sent back his own greeting before laying the phone back on his blanket. Naim didn’t have shifts over the weekend, and he’d usually spend them with the girls, but they had to pick up some shifts after being late to a couple of them. Marnie complained that their manager barely showed up to check on them, and the one day he did, the girls were having… a moment. She swore he somehow planned it. Jess went along with her girlfriend’s rambling. 

Another reason Naim couldn’t imagine being in this small town without them was that they were all queer. Probably the only ones, based on what Naim had observed over the years. On top of Bandee being a small town, it was also raised on the roots of Christianity. And not the ‘all are welcome’, loving kind. The kind that twists religion into an excuse for being hateful. That reinforced his original, and still slight skepticism of the boys, but how could he turn away Ryan when his eyes looked as nervous as Naim felt. God, he was easy.

His phone buzzed from where it lay on his stomach. Peeking at his notifications, he could see Ryan had responded. 

Ryan: I’m bored. Got anything fun to do around here?

Naim smiled. The chances of him actually getting with Ryan were slim, but he would have fun while he could. 

That is how they ended up at an abandoned watchtower further away from the town. Jess and Marnie knew of the place, but it gave them the creeps. Naim was the only one who found comfort in the dark, dusty interior. Ryan followed Naim without a word as they climbed to the top of the tower. The sun was starting to set, but his mum usually took a while to drive home from whatever hospital she volunteered at, and Ryan said the pastor didn’t really care enough to put a curfew on them. When they reached the top, Naim couldn’t help feeling proud of himself watching the awe in Ryan’s face. Sunsets and sunrises were the few good things about this town. The water reflects the sky with its own flaws, doubling the explosion of color. 

“Well, fuck me.” 

Naim was slightly stunned at Ryan’s statement, but still laughed. Tugging a wrinkled ziplock bag from his pocket, he turned to Ryan. “Do you smoke?” 

“Do I look like a goody-two-shoes? Yes, I smoke.” He bantered.

Naim rolled his eyes, handing him a joint. “Alright dickhead. I thought with your friend’s dad being a pastor, you’d be more innocent.” Shrugging his shoulders at the end of his explanation.

Ryan scoffed, “Hunter and I don’t give two shits about the fact that his dad is a pastor. Well, Hunter cares a little more, but I don’t.” Naim offered his lighter when Ryan stuck the joint in his mouth, looking around for something. A mumbled thanks came from Ryan when he lit it for him. “How’d you find this place anyway?” 

When Ryan noticed that there was only one joint, he mindlessly passed it to Naim. He gladly accepted before responding, “Been spending my summers here since I was six. Not hard to find things to do when there isn’t shit in this town.” 

Ryan laughed in agreement. “That’s true.” Smoke rose from his mouth as he spoke. Curious, Naim asked why they decided to spend the summer at Bandee. Flopping his head to one side, Ryan gazed at the floor in thought. “Hmm, even though there is nothing to do here, Hunter and I always wanted to leave our families, even if it was for a little while. Course we didn’t tell them that, but Hunter’s father recommended the place since he had a friend.” 

The fuzzy feeling from being high started filling Naim’s headspace after taking another deep breath, passing off the joint to Ryan. He’d blame that feeling later for what he was about to inadvertently ask. “What are you and Hunter?” Only when the words left his mouth did he realize what he was asking. Darn it, Jess and Marnie always told him how nosy he was. Standing straighter, he quickly added, “Not that I’m saying there is anything going on. I– you know what, just forget I said anything.” 

Ryan’s hand, which held the joint, paused just before reaching his lips. He was staring now. Analyzing. Naim could squirm under the attention. His eyes looked different, guarded. “We’re friends. Met through an all-boys high school.” Not risking any more offhand questions, Naim responded with a nod. The longer they stood there, leaning on the supporting columns that held the roof, watching the sunset with no prying from Naim, the more Ryan relaxed. “Wait, how did you know Hunter’s dad was a pastor?” Before Naim could respond, Ryan’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. You’re the kid the pastor was talking about.” 

Naim raised an eyebrow at that. At his confusion, Ryan quickly explained that the pastor told them about his neighbours, mentioning how one of the neighbouring kids had asked about them. He watched Ryan laugh a little, whispering about how that was the reason he recognized Naim. “What?” Naim questioned, not quite catching what Ryan mumbled. 

“I recognize you. I see you around Bandee all the time, you little stalker.” Naim gawked at the accusation.

“Oi, cunt. I’m not a stalker. If anyone were to be accused of being one, it would be you.” Ryan scoffed at that. Practically huffing the smoke in his lungs out. 

“Me? Pfft, that’s hilarious coming from you.” He had stopped leaning on the column opposite of Naim, making his way towards him. “I’ve seen you staring from across the street almost every time I see you, and you’re telling me you’re not a stalker.” 

Naim pushed off his column to look up at Ryan. He wasn’t short by any means, slightly taller than average, but Ryan was a head taller. Watching the determination in Naim’s expression, Ryan smirked before pushing Naim’s back into the column. Sucking a breath in with the joint still in his mouth, Ryan took a step back, waiting for what Naim would do. Naim quickly recovered from the shove and shoved Ryan back. He’d admit that he didn’t shove as hard as he wanted, considering they were so high off the ground. Still, Ryan’s foot caught on the handle of the trapdoor they used to get access to the roof, and he stumbled. It was Naim’s turn to smirk, leaning down as Ryan hissed. “I didn’t even push that hard. Asshole.” Ryan met Naim’s stare with a glare before his eyes flickered down. Naim yelped when Ryan reached for him, gripping the shirt he was wearing and tugged. Ryan made quick work of flipping them over, holding Naim’s arms down before he could get punched in the face. They stayed in that position for a minute, breathing in each other and the weed that had been stamped out by their roughhousing. With the way Ryan was staring at him, Naim could have joked that he looked like he wanted to kiss him. 

Then he did. 

Out of shock, Naim turned his head away. Suddenly very sober. Ok, what the fuck was happening. He knew their fighting wasn’t real, no actual power displayed in the words they had said to each other. But he didn’t expect that to lead to this. Looking at how Naim was staring at him in shock, Ryan let go of his arms, beginning to lean away. “Shit, Naim. I didn’t–” Arms shot up, wrapping both sides of his face before pulling him back down. Naim swallowed the groan Ryan let out. He snaked his hand behind Ryan’s neck, pulling them closer. He felt Ryan’s lips lift at the movement. A tongue swiping Naim’s bottom lip told him to open up. To let Ryan’s tongue explore his mouth. He let it.

When Naim grunted in pain from the door handle digging into his back, they decided to pull apart. He licked his lips, breaking the strand of spit still connecting them. Ryan sat back on his heels, allowing Naim space to lift off the handle. Both of them were a little out of breath. Neither of them could bring themselves to care. 

“Um,” Ryan hummed, telling Naim to continue. “I like you too?” That earned a laugh from Ryan, who then proceeded to rise off Naim and offer his hand. He grabbed it, getting lifted off the ground easily. He was going to unpack how that made him feel later. 

They didn’t talk about it. The sudden rapid development of their relationship. Maybe because they both knew the nature of the town they currently lived in. Or because they were both high on the fact that the other party reciprocated the feeling. Naim was glad they lived next to each other. Gave them an excuse as to why they were walking together. In another world where Ryan could act as a gentleman, he would have walked Naim up to his front door and said goodbye with another kiss. In this world, Naim just waved goodbye before entering his house. Ryan had a lot of things to say to Hunter. He first had to thank him for that push on the beach. 

~☆~

When he got home that night, he immediately started texting in the group chat shared between him and the girls. To say the girls were shocked would be an understatement. Marnie started a call before Jess had to remind her that any of their parents could hear them if they did call. Turns out, Jess had a hunch that Ryan was a little interested. 

Naim: Wait, how?

Jess: He has been eyeing you since he started showing up to the beach

Marnie: What!

Naim: WHAT

And you didn’t tell me???

Jess: Didn’t want to get your hopes up. 

That was reasonable. It would have probably fed Naim’s crush more. Eventually the conversation dialed down until they went to sleep. From then on, Ryan and Naim secretly coordinated hangouts with Naim’s lifeguarding shifts, hanging out with their own friends, and their guardians. Ryan still surfed like usual, but Naim didn't have to hide his stares anymore. Whenever Ryan did catch him staring—which was almost always—Naim would receive a smile he would eventually learn was shown just around him. However, this time, when Ryan caught Naim staring, he started jogging in his direction. 

“Um, why is he coming here?” Marnie asked. 

Naim couldn't give her an answer. He waited until Ryan came into a whispering radius before asking, “What are you doing?”

“You looked bored. I'm here to entertain you.” Naim questioned what would happen if someone caught them. “That's why your friends should stick around.” Tilting his head towards Jess and Marnie when he said ‘friends’. 

Jess seemed to get it. “So if anyone asks, you can just say you're talking to us.” 

Ryan snapped his fingers, pointing at Jess. “Bingo.” He turned to look at Naim with a beaming face, wanting appreciation for his amazing idea. 

“What about Hunter?” Naim looked around the beach for Ryan's friend. 

“Pastor kid,” Naim's gaze turned back to focus on Ryan. “Had to help out at the church.” 

Jess and Marnie looked at each other. This was either going to be an entertaining or long shift. It was the prior. Ryan made sure to engage them in conversation. Asking them how they met Naim and what their plans were for after the summer. While Jess and Ryan were talking about something, Naim wasn't quite listening; Marnie poked him. Once she knew she had gained his attention, she gave him a thumbs-up and satisfied grin. Approval. She was giving Naim her approval of Ryan. That allowed him to breathe a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Jess gave him a wink later when Ryan wasn't looking. Knowing and seeing how well his best friends were being treated warmed his heart. 

“Did you know our friend here doesn't know how to surf?” 

Nevermind. He had no best friends. None. 

Ryan gawked at Naim. “You don't know how to surf? Or have you never tried before?”

“No and never.” Naim sighed. “When the closest beach with decent waves is a 45-90 minute drive from Adelaide, you don’t try.” 

“But,” he made a motion, pointing at the entire beach, “ you come here every summer. Yet you've never tried?”

Marnie and Jess answered for him with a shake of their heads. “Naim's a wimp,” Marnie teased. Naim jabbed her in the side, hissing her name. 

“Ah,” Ryan smirked at the amount of information he was getting. “Do you know how to swim?” 

Bullying. This was straight up bullying. Naim shoved him. “Yes, I know how to swim. How would I be a lifeguard if I didn’t know how to swim” 

He put his arms up in surrender; the sly smirk remained on his face, making Naim want to shove him again. “Sorry, just wanted to make sure.”

That’s when Ryan ended up offering to teach him how to surf after his shift. When Ryan left a little before Naim's shift was to end, the girls wished him luck with sneers on their faces. When the shift ended, he waited at their agreed meeting point, a secluded section of Bandee’s beach. He told Ryan how to get there before he had left. Naim’s dad had shown him the smaller chunk of beach when he was younger. A slope of land and a lot of trees blocked the main beach from the area. While waiting, Naim doodled in the sand with a stick he found on the way there. Rustling from behind made him stop. Ryan emerged from the small, almost unnoticeable pathway to the beach. Waving happily when he spotted Naim. Dropping the stick and getting up from his spot, Naim made his way over to Ryan. 

“Hi dove.” Ryan grinned, planting a kiss on Naim’s forehead as if he were waiting to do that all day. 

Ryan started by explaining the logistics of surfing: how to catch waves, stand on the board, swim on the board. When he noticed the hidden confusion on Naim’s face, he decided to just let them figure it out. Either Naim had the balance of a baby deer, or he was not made for this sport. He emerged from the water after what felt like the tenth fall into the water, laying his arms on the surfboard to keep afloat. Ryan laughed at the defeated look on Naim’s face. 

“Hey! You’re supposed to be teaching me. Bad teacher.” Naim mumbled the last bit before pouting slightly when Ryan didn’t stop laughing.

Staring at the angry face in front of him, the laughter dialed down. “I am teaching you! You’re doing good; you stayed on the board for 10 seconds longer than the last one.” Naim sighed into the board. Ryan held the board steady from where he was floating on the side, letting Naim get on it again. “There’s a good wave coming. Just swim ahead, yeah?” Naim nodded before paddling forward. When the wave came, he did what he was taught. He placed his hands between his chest and the board before pushing up, keeping his shoulders low and knees bent. By the time the wave was over, Naim was still gliding on the surfboard. 

“I am a good teacher!” Ryan cupped his mouth, helping the sound travel further. 

Naim wasn’t paying attention, though, too excited from surfing on a wave. “I did it! Oh, shit,” he said before wobbling and falling off the board. Again. Seeing Naim fall, Ryan quickly swam over, making sure he was ok. Splashing some water on Ryan, Naim swam back up onto the board. “I surfed! Did you see that?” Maybe he could surf.

Ryan smiled at Naim’s unadulterated joy. “Yes, you did, baby.” 

They continued practicing, Ryan stealing the board a couple of times to surf himself. By the time they decided it was time to stop, the moon was reflecting off the water’s surface. Naim had planned ahead, bringing a towel to dry off as they walked back to the town. 

After shutting the front door, Naim continued rubbing the towel through his hair.

“You’re back late.” 

Naim jumped. “Holy– Mum, when did you get back?” 

His mum was seated on the couch of the living room, reading a book. “I got back an hour ago. A slow day at the hospital.” She placed the book down to fully face Naim. “Where have you been?” 

He debated telling his mum about Ryan. On one hand, he knew his mum loved him and trusted—hoped—that she wouldn’t have a bad reaction. He decided he’d tell her when he was ready. Now though? He chose to say what his mum probably wanted to hear. “Uh, I was out with a new friend I made.” Exactly the way he thought his mum would react, she perked up and smiled. 

“That’s wonderful Naim. It’s one of the boys next door, isn’t it?” Naim nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” That was his mum; always prying, but always giving him a way out. 

“I’m actually a bit tired. Was thinking of showering before going to bed.” Arlene reassured him that it was fine, shooing him up the stairs before he could drench the floors. 

Once he was clean and tucked into bed, he picked up his phone from the nightstand to do a final check of messages. 

Ryan: Today was fun. I didn’t even know there was another beach. 

Naim: Been here since I was six, remember?

Ryan: Yeah, yeah, I remember. 

Dickhead.

Naim: Cunt.

His fingers paused above the keyboard, but he eventually decided to send another message.

Naim: Thank you for teaching me.

Ryan: Course dove.

Anything for you.

~☆~

Marnie sighed happily, blowing the smoke out of her mouth, trying to form a smoke ring. Upon the pat on her arm, she passed the joint over to Jess, who was lying beside her. They had decided to visit the abandoned barn that the high school kids at Bandee usually hosted holiday parties in. After taking her share of the joint, Jess handed it over to Naim. 

“How have you and Ryan been?” Jess asked, smoke escaping her mouth. 

Naim took a puff. “I still feel like this is a dream.” Marnie laughed, stating that it was already nearing the end of summer, almost two months since the watchtower. But he already knew that. As the summer passed them by, Naim learnt more and more about Ryan. He lived in Melbourne and was going to a university near home for engineering, which his older sister had gone to as well. At his high school, Ryan was viewed as the hot-tempered jock, a reputation he built to keep the boys off his back. With Naim, he was sweet, gentle—even if their first hangout was a little rough, he also knew which buttons to push when he wanted to annoy Naim. He’d take any opportunity to spoil Naim with physical touch: hands on his waist, his back, and occasionally his ass, along with plenty of kisses. All of that was away from wandering eyes. Despite all that, Ryan hasn't said I love you.  Naim knows it's childish and he hasn't said it either, but sometimes he wishes to hear it. Anyway, the—mostly—secret relationship honestly added to the thrill. Naim questioned if it was like that with Jess and Marnie. They both shrugged, saying it was fun, but after doing it for so long, they’d rather be out and open one day. 

“Aren’t you guys moving to university after the summer’s done? You’ll be able to be open about your relationship then.” 

Marnie kicked her feet in excitement while Jess responded with a hum. “I’m so fucking excited. I have wanted to get out of this small town since forever.” Blissfully, Marnie and Jess had gotten into a university in Adelaide. Marnie planned on getting a degree in psychology at Flinders, and Jess was going to the same university, but for medicine. Naim knew they had worked their hardest to get into universities far away. He was the one who saw the effort they put in firsthand and the first person they told when they got accepted, besides each other. They had joked about getting an apartment together in Adelaide, the three of them. He thinks his mum wouldn't be too opposed to the idea. She liked the girls, said they had a good heart. Plus, for him to make more friends, he couldn't stay at home all the time. The reason why his mum was so obsessed with Naim making friends was because he barely had any. He wasn’t a loner; he just wasn’t that close to anyone at home. But with Jess and Marnie joining him in Adelaide, they'd help him get out of his shell. Hopefully. 

When Jess handed him the joint again, Naim shook his head. “I think I’m gonna start heading home. Mum might get home earlier today; don’t want her to smell the weed too much.” 

They understood, yelling goodbye to him as he climbed down the ladder on the side of the barn’s roof. When he reached the front of his house, a loud slam came from the pastor’s backyard. The church was hosting something for the town that day, so Naim knew the pastor was out. The girls always said he was nosy. Instead of going to his front door, he snuck over to the pastor’s house, making his way through the gap between the houses to the backyard. 

“Hunter,” Ryan tugged his arm out of Hunter’s grasp. “What the hell is going on with you?” 

“I just need to blow off some steam,” he explained, tugging Ryan closer to kiss him. 

“Hunter. I can’t–” Ryan immediately broke the kiss that cut him off. “Fuck– Hunter.” He finally backed off. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you, but I can’t do this anymore.” 

Understanding seemed to dawn on Hunter. “Oh. You really love him. Don’t you?” Ryan knew him and Hunter had shit going on. Neither of them had met another person like the other. In the isolation and fear of being exposed, they just stuck together. They used each other to put it straight. They used each other as a shield, another being they could fight who would understand. Then Ryan met Naim, and he finally understood what it meant to love someone, to care for someone more than yourself. It might seem childish, but even in the short time he had been with Naim, he knew he would love him to the moon and back. So when Hunter’s gaze shifted to something behind him, his face dropped. Ryan felt his soul grow cold. 

Naim watched, frozen in place. He didn’t know if he should cry or laugh at the absurdity. He guessed that’s why Ryan never officially asked, never told him that he loved him. He guessed that since the beginning, had a hunch something was a little different between Ryan and Hunter; why didn’t he listen to himself? Stupid. Maybe this was karma for his bad habit of being nosy. He took in a shaky breath. When he saw the moment Hunter had spotted him, he didn’t think. Turning sharply, he sprinted away; he didn't quite know where he was going, but he wasn’t going to stay there. 

“Naim!” 

Ryan called after him. Hunter hesitantly reached for him. “Ryan, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to–” 

He didn’t, couldn’t listen to Hunter right now. “Fix your shit. Then talk to me.” He spared a glance at Hunter, saw the apology written on his face, but what mattered at the moment was Naim. He ran after him.

~☆~

Jess felt that maybe she had smoked too much weed. Or maybe the effects of the weed hadn't quite subsided yet. She did just get back home from the barn. That would help explain why Ryan Whelan was standing and panting at her front door. 

“What are you doing here man? How did you get my address?” She closed the door a little, not wanting her parents to hear the conversation. She had a feeling this wasn’t something they should hear. 

“Naim.” Jess waited for Ryan to catch his breath a little more. “I messed up. I need to find him.” 

She sighed when he ignored her second question. It’s fine, the guy looked like a mess. Curls sticking to his forehead, eyes a little red and frantic. “If he isn’t in town, he should be at the watchtower. You know where it is.” 

Fuck. The watchtower. How could he forget the watchtower? Ryan thanked Jess before sprinting in the direction of the watchtower. He didn’t stop running until he reached the top of the stairs that brought him to the trapdoor to the roof. From behind the wood, he heard sniffling. Out of courtesy, he knocked. 

“Fuck off.” It hurt Ryan’s heart to hear how wrecked Naim’s voice was. 

“I never meant to hurt you Naim. Please, let me explain.” He knelt under the door, begging Naim to open it. The door didn’t lock, but he wasn’t going to force Naim to see him until he wanted to. Eventually, light filled the dark tower, and he stepped onto the roof. Naim sat back down, curling into himself near the protective walls of the tower's roof. Dried and newly wet streaks painted his flushed cheeks. Eyes red from trying to stop himself from crying over the situation. It was stupid to cry over Ryan, he thought. Truth was, he loved Ryan as much as Ryan did. They just didn't know it yet. 

“So? Are you just gonna stand there or are you going to talk?” Naim spoke with hostility in his tone. 

Ryan clenched his fists to his sides, preventing his hands from reaching over to Naim to comfort him. “Nothing is happening between me and Hunter.” Naim scoffed, but Ryan pushed on. “We did have something, but the moment I met you, I cut all of it off. Hunter just– we had it difficult at home, at our school.” He sat down so he could meet Naim's eyes. The tears were starting to stop. “I told you about my school, why I had a reputation. I learned that was the best way to survive because… I almost got outed before I entered high school.” Naim untucked his knees, a knowing look of worry on his face. “The only way I could make the guy not tell was to make him fear. Then I had to keep the act up throughout high school. It was– fuck, it was so fucking isolating. Then I met Hunter, probably the only other person in that school who got how I felt.” Ryan explained everything. How they practically used each other as an outlet for their repressed feelings. How they somewhat believed that this was how to care for someone. Naim listened, no judgment in his eyes. And didn't that make Ryan want to cry. “We never did anything more than kissing. It's probably because we didn’t actually like each other that way. But I swear to you, once I arrived at Bandee and saw you. I couldn't take my eyes off you. Hunter could tell, but I think he thought you were just a fling. You're not. You will never be that.”

Naim looked like he was going to cry again. “Why didn't you ask? Tell me you loved me, something, anything. When I saw you and Hunter, it felt like I was nothing. That everything we did was nothing.” He honestly felt a little ashamed admitting that, revealing his vulnerability.  

“I was a coward. I was scared of asking you, scared of rejection. God, that sounds a little stupid, doesn't it?” Ryan sheepishly asked. “But I know that now. I know how much of an idiot I was.” He reached slowly for Naim's hand. “I love you Naim Reid.” Naim was looking at the hand over his, but once Ryan said those words, his breath took a pause. “I love you. I love you. I love you so much that I don't know how to act unless it's to love you.” 

He was taking gulps of air now, overwhelmed by all the emotions he was experiencing in one moment. Ryan noticed. Rubbing circles into Naim's hand, pausing his confession of love. When his breath had become more even, Ryan continued. “Sorry for being late, but would you take me as your boyfriend?” When Naim nodded, he felt a weight lift. He happily leaned in when Naim's free hand tugged him closer. To keep himself from crushing Naim against the wall, he lifted one hand to brace against the wall while the other came around the nape of Naim's neck, pulling him closer. It was like the first time they came to the watchtower. Just more salt and a little disgusting with how much they—mostly Naim—cried. Truthfully, maybe they were kissing for a little too long, but neither of them wanted to leave. After finally letting the caged feelings they both had go, it felt like a breath of fresh air, and they were away from any eyes. Why wouldn’t they enjoy the moment? Ryan swallowed Naim’s whimper when he slipped a hand under Naim’s shirt. The rings he wore daily, besides when he was surfing, felt like ice on Naim’s stomach. As the hand travelled lower, so did his kisses travel to Naim’s neck. He felt every vibration of sound, pulse, swallow, and it was exhilarating knowing how Naim’s pulse sped up. Ryan felt a tug on his hair, allowing it to guide his lips off Naim. The wandering hand had paused at Naim’s belt at that point. 

“Do you not..? We can stop.” Ryan stared curiously with fond care.

Taking a deep breath, Naim debated it. He already knew the answer deep down. “Please.”

Who was Ryan to say no?

~☆~

It was late, like really late. The moon’s soft glow watched over them, blanketing them from reality. Ryan had given Naim his jacket a while ago, and now, they just lay side by side, head on shoulder and wall. Naim had texted his mum already, saying he would come home late. Ryan couldn’t be bothered, the pastor had enough faith that they weren’t going to get lost and die. Naim’s nose wrinkled when he asked if Ryan had to contact anyone, and that was his response. In all honesty, he just didn’t want to check and see what Hunter had to say. He saw the notification when they were coming down from their high. He felt Naim’s head move from his shoulder, and he looked over. 

Naim was already staring at him. “We should get going. My mum doesn’t mind me staying out late, but it’s getting a little too late.” 

Humming, he placed a final kiss on Naim’s messy brown hair. “Can’t have your mum worry too much, can we?” 

The path was dark, but the town had lights, and they had their phone flashlights. Naim might have stumbled a couple of times, but that was between him and Ryan. They made sure that before they entered the shine of the town’s streetlights, Naim had handed Ryan his jacket back. Naim went home first; it brought Ryan comfort seeing him safe first. On the short trek to the pastor’s house, he finally checked Hunter’s notification. 

Hunter: Ryan, I’m sorry. I didn’t understand, but I do now, and I never meant to get in the way of you and him. My parents called, asking me if I had changed my mind on being the new pastor. We got into a big fight, but that had nothing to do with you. I’ll fix my shit, I promise.

Hunter: Pastor came home. Asked about where you are.

Said he wanted to talk. Come back man, the vibes are weird. 

Hunter: They know Ryan. Fuck, they know. Our parents are arriving tomorrow. If you have something to tell him, tell him now. I dunno what our parents are going to do.

It felt like all of his carefully built walls were crashing down. Everything he had worked for to keep his secret, down the drain. His head had become so sweaty, but his body was so cold. Shit. Naim. Typing would take too long. 

“Naim. Tomorrow, my parents are probably going to take me and Hunter back to Melbourne.” The tremor in his hand didn’t calm down even when he used both hands to grip his phone. “They found out about Hunter and me. I don’t know how they found out,” he whispered into his phone, hoping his fear wasn’t being projected into the message. He didn’t want Naim to be terrified with him. “Don’t come for me. Even when you see me leaving tomorrow. Do. not. Leave your house. Don’t contact me, just–” The front lights of the house flickered on. “I’ll find you. I will figure something out. Just wait for me. Please.” Watching for the pastor to appear any second, he decided to say one final thing. “I love you. See you later.” A final promise. 

Deleting and blocking Naim felt like overkill, but Ryan wasn’t risking anything. His parents had snooped through his phone when he was younger. They think he doesn’t know, but he does. Given the circumstances, they were sure to do it again. Just because they knew about him, he refused to bring Naim into this. 

“Ryan. You’re back quite late.” The pastor smiled gently, but Ryan felt what was to come. “Come inside, we have something to talk about.” 

Naim got the message before hopping into the shower. He had listened to it. Then he listened to it again. While his mum slept, he turned on the shower water and sat there. The tears mixed in with the running water. 

~☆~

Sounds of a running car engine and slamming doors notified Naim of the boys’ departure. Numb, he just clung to the snake ring Ryan had given him the night before. A promise made before they knew how reality would try to break it. He tried responding to Ryan’s voice message. Tried to ask him if he was ok. But once he had sent the first question, the automatic message was sent, telling him that Ryan had blocked him. Out of frustration, he stuffed his face into his pillow and just held it there. Waiting for the burn in his lungs and the survival urge to breathe. His mum had knocked on his door, wondering if he was ok. She had already seen the boys leave. A hunch told her that was why Naim had called in sick to his shift and caused his isolation. She also knew the boys weren’t supposed to leave that early. By the end of Naim’s supposed shift, Marnie and Jess had knocked on the door. They shared a look of understanding before Arlene pushed the door open wider. 

“He’s been in there the whole day.” Her words made the girls pause in the hallway. “I’m worried. Is it because of the boys next door?” 

She tried to analyze the look the two girls shared, but she just couldn’t understand it. “We can’t say Mrs. Reid, but we’ll try talking to Naim, alright?” 

With a hesitant nod, the girls continued down the hallway. Jess started, “Naim? Are you decent?” No reply came through the door. After Ryan had shown up at Jess’s door out of nowhere, Marnie found out, and they both thought it would turn out fine. Ryan seemed like a decent guy and desperate to find Naim to fix things. Something wasn’t adding up. Jess tried knocking again, prompting Naim to open the door. 

“I’ll knock down this door!”

“Marnie!” Jess hissed at her girlfriend. 

Unexpectedly, the door opened. Naim looked tired, which is the best way they could put it. Some of his fingers were bleeding from his habit of biting, and the bags under his eyes were more prominent. He let the girls in and closed the door again. Before the girls could even ask anything, he whispered, “His parents found out. Both of their parents.” 

Oh. The girls wrapped themselves around Naim as tears started spilling again. It felt so odd. He had just been crying about how Ryan had broken his heart, then it was mended and broken as suddenly as finding Hunter and him. Truthfully, there was nothing that could have been done. The girls stayed with him, lending their ears to his ranting, and their shoulders for him to rest on. His mum eventually advised the girls to go home before sunset. She didn’t get the full situation, so she attempted to comfort her son. It was a valiant attempt, but Naim felt worse hiding things from his mum.

"Mum?" His voice was muffled and small against the comforting embrace of his mother.

Arlene backed away enough that Naim's voice wouldn't be muted. "Yes, Naim?"

He nervously bit his lip, however, his mum's kind and waiting eyes gave him courage. "I... The reason I haven't been so great today is because of Ryan leaving." Arlene slowly nodded, trying to follow Naim's explanation. "But it isn't because we're friends." 

That made her raise an eyebrow. "You're not friends?"

Naim shook his head. "No... He– I love him, Mum."

Oh.

Oh.

"I'm so sorry, Naim," she whispered into her son's hair. Soothing him by rubbing his back. The weight that had been pressed on his back finally lifted, and the tears started up again. Apologies tumbled off his tongue: about crying, about liking boys, about loving Ryan. "Shh, you don't have to be sorry. Look at me, Naim." She nudged his chin up before proceeding, "I will love you no matter what. You are my son. I'm sorry for making you feel as if you couldn't tell me." Naim continued crying while Arlene kept her arms wrapped around him. Slightly looser than before. Giving him a way out if he needed it.

The next day, he got out of his bed. There was no point lying in it. Ryan was gone; that was that. He wouldn't want Naim being miserable all the time. Summer ended. Arlene and Naim helped Marnie and Jessica move to their dorm in Adelaide. And then classes started. Due to their different required courses and degrees, he rarely saw the girls. Only glances and short waves around campus from time to time. The weather got a little colder, but the slight ache never left. Marnie told him to let go, have fun, mess around. Jess had started agreeing with her. Maybe it was mindless naivety; waiting for a guy he had fallen face first in love with and had only known for most of the summer. But Naim was told his best quality was patience. 

In an attempt to get Naim to meet someone else, Marnie and Jess dragged him to a party. It was at some bar where it was originally for one university, but Naim noticed multiple other university students having the time of their lives. He loathed parties. However, the smalltown girls had never been to one this large, so he had to come. Make sure they don't get shitfaced. Finals were also over, so he'd say they deserved a little party time. Well, the girls were partying. He was in the corner watching over them, nursing a drink with no alcohol. They were all over each other; it was sickly sweet. Perks of being in a big city: no one quite cared what others were up to. 

A body bumped into his arm, sloshing the drink around. He skillfully steadied it, nothing spilling, but he was still going to yell at the bastard. “Watch where you're going… cunt.” He murmured the last bit, not wanting to necessarily start a fight. Just wanted to spark some sense in the guy. 

“Heard that last bit, dove.”

The sounds in the room got impossibly quieter, muffled until all he could hear was his speeding heart. His head slowly turned to the owner of the voice. And there he was. Grinning from ear to ear, Ryan Whelan, hands in his pockets, patiently waiting for Naim to realize. 

“Hi–”

“Holy shit.” Naim cut Ryan's greeting off, grinning until his cheeks hurt. 

Ryan didn't seem to mind, his face softening into the smile Naim knew was only for him. Though he had to stop Naim from listing off the 4Ws and an H. “I switched to another university in Adelaide behind my parents' back, funded by my side hustle as a lifeguard, and got an apartment with Hunter without our parents’ knowledge.”

Ryan was expecting some appreciation, maybe a hug. Instead, he got a smack in the chest. “Are you an idiot? Why would you run away to a city you've never been to before when you didn't even know where I was?”

He winced, rubbing at his chest. “Ow. First of all, I knew you had to be around Flinders since you told me. Secondly, it's not like I'm alone. Hunter came along.” 

“What about the fact you came here for a guy you've only known for 2 months? Actually. Not even 2 months!” Naim didn't know why he was arguing with Ryan. A lot of emotions were clouding his head at the moment. 

Flicking some hair out of Naim's forehead playfully, he replied. “Exactly. I could only know you for less than 2 months when I planned to be with you for more than that.” Making a pointing motion at the ring Naim had given to him all those nights ago. Naim couldn't argue with that. “Sorry for keeping you waiting.” The last statement was sincerely confessed at a lower volume, loud enough for Naim to hear. 

He sighed, but a small smile and an overjoyed glint in his eye told Ryan that Naim wasn't all that mad. “Don't ever leave so suddenly again.”

Ryan looped an arm around Naim's waist, shifting them closer together. “Wouldn't dream of it.”