Work Text:
It was evening outside; a rare one with stars splashed across the sky, uninterrupted by clouds or airplanes. With the last of the lights of the houses turning off, you could almost see other galaxies peeking through the navy covering.
Okuto felt the cool concrete beneath the fluffy blanket he was sitting on, sinking into his skin. It felt nice, the cold, along with the wind that blew softly, ruffling his hair.
It was rare moments like these where Okuto could be himself. Uninterrupted, alone, with no pressure on his being.
He wasn’t Nakamura, the shy, flustered kid at school. He wasn’t Okuto-nii, the bratty older brother that stole his sister’s manga.
He was just Okuto, the one he wanted to be. Calm, patient, and peaceful, not thinking about anything besides where he was.
His record player sat on a chair a few feet away from him on the balcony. It was playing a slow song, sung by a man with a voice like an old actor. Soft, pleasing, putting care into every word, like a whisper in the background.
Okuto liked doing this: sitting outside once in a while. He always felt better when he could slow everything down, and he was basically changed when he went back inside for the night.
It was always temporary, though. He could never find a way to keep himself like this.
He still enjoyed these nights, and this one was special to him, what with all the stars decorating the sky. He could name almost all the constellations in the sky. Andromeda which was right below Pegasus, Cassiopeia above the both of them, and Aquarius to the right.
He closed his eyes, listening to the whispery delivery of the singer. He didn’t know who it was; he was using one of his dad’s untouched records.
Slowly, quietly disturbing Okuto’s alone time, the screen door behind him slid open.
Okuto turned his head, only to be met with a red and wet-faced Aiki, standing there in his pajamas and clutching the door tightly.
“Aiki?” Okuto asked his boyfriend. They hadn’t planned to have a date, and, last Okuto checked, Aiki had a family dinner party.
Aiki said nothing. He stood still for a moment while Okuto stood up, then fell into his arms and sobbed.
Okuto had seen his boyfriend cry before: when his favorite Aqua Pet member went on hiatus, when he and Takeuchi got into a fight, when Okuto broke his leg… but he’d never seen him so sad like this. It broke his heart when his boyfriend clawed for something safe, currently Okuto’s arms, and cried against his shoulder.
Okuto shut the screen door and guided them to the blanket, covering Aiki’s shaking frame with the extra quilt he had brought outside.
“What’s wrong, Aiki?” Okuto whispered, holding him close and brushing his hand along the back of Aiki’s head.
Aiki tried to speak, inhaling a deep breath. His voice broke and he shook his head.
“Ok, I’ll wait.” Okuto said patiently. “Did you walk all the way here?”
Aiki nodded.
“You could have texted me, I would have come to you immediately.”
Aiki buried his face into his boyfriend’s neck, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Okuto felt his lips quiver against his skin, and he pulled his lover closer.
Okuto closed his eyes, thinking about nothing, training his ears on Aiki’s whimpers and his body on the chest that breathed against his own in sporadic bursts.
When he opened his eyes, it was darker. His mom must have come and shut the curtains behind them. Aiki’s breathing had evened out, and he had relaxed so much that he was practically melted into Okuto.
“Want to talk now?” Okuto asked, running his fingers along Aiki’s back.
Aiki nodded, extracting himself ever so slightly so he could look Okuto in the eye.
Aiki liked to play with his hand whenever they talked, so Okuto offered it up when Aiki looked like he needed something grounding.
He took it gratefully and started tracing the lines on his palm.
“We had my cousins over.” Aiki said, eyes down. “The sister my dad doesn’t like, but my grandma told them we had room in our house, so they barged in.”
Okuto frowned. Aiki’s family was… delicate, put nicely.
“Did they say something?” he asked.
Aiki soured, then nodded. “They always have the same conversation when the family gets together. What boy is dating what girl, why Japan isn’t the same way anymore, that sort of thing. Me and Saho were uncomfortable, especially because our parents don’t know that I’m bi and that she’s pan.”
Okuto hummed. They didn’t tell Aiki’s parents they were dating. His parents were nice, but still leaning on the traditional side of things.
“Then my mom mentioned Hana and they got into what a nice girl she was when they only met her once in passing, and then I was being pressured to get back together with her, and when I was going to excuse myself, my younger cousin mentioned that I had a photo of us kissing on my home screen, and that I didn’t like girls anymore.”
His voice broke, and Okuto pulled him closer so their foreheads were touching.
“Mom got mad.” Aiki whispered. “She started going off on me, right at the dinner table. She said some pretty homophobic things. Dad didn’t say anything, I don’t think he disapproves, but it hurts because he didn’t help. She tried to take my phone but I yelled back and took my shoes and ran all the way here. I couldn’t breathe in there, Okuto.”
“Does Saho know?” Okuto asked gently.
“She knows I’m staying here.” Aiki said.
“Good. You’re not going back there, of course, not until your cousins leave.”
Aiki let out a breath. “Thank you.”
“I’m so sorry that happened, Aiki. That sounds horrible.”
“I didn’t even eat the entire time, I was so tense.” Aiki tried to joke.
“You haven’t eaten?” Okuto said, already moving to get up.
“It’s not that big of a deal.” he answered “I’m not that hungry.”
“You have to eat, Aiki.”
Aiki sighed, and let Okuto pull him up.
“Am I a bad son?”
Okuto was quick to reassure his boyfriend.
“No, if anything, your mom is a bad mother. She barely even knows you, and hasn’t tried to get closer to you. It’s her own fault that she can’t see that you’re happy. Forcing you into some mold is something a prison guard would do, not your own mom.” Okuto looked his lover in the eyes. Caramel oceans that he had fallen so deeply in love with. Ones that were stained red.
“She can’t make you cry, Aiki, and expect you to still trust and obey her.”
Another tear slipped down Aiki’s cheek. Okuto leaned in and kissed the corner where it fell.
Okuto opened the door, leading Aiki inside to the kitchen. His mother and father were already resting in bed, and Kana was doing homework in her room.
Aiki followed him by the hand while Okuto busied himself.
“Is Oyakodon okay?” Okuto asked, pulling out the tupperware from the fridge.
Aiki nodded. Okuto put it in a bowl and into the microwave.
He made Aiki comfortable on the couch with a couple of blankets and took the bowl out of the microwave, covering it with a hot pad and handing it to his boyfriend.
“It’s still a little hot.”
His boyfriend ate it immediately anyway. More tears trailed down his face as he stuffed three spoonfuls into his face at once.
Okuto caught one with his finger and brushed it away.
“I miss home cooked meals.” Aiki said between bites. “We ordered fancy takeout and I couldn’t even pretend I wanted any.”
Okuto rubbed his back, letting his boyfriend talk.
“Your dad makes the best food.” he cried, shoving another bite to keep himself from hiccuping.
“I made dinner tonight.” Okuto said softly.
Aiki sniveled, crying a little harder.
“You’re too good to me,” he sobbed.
“I’m not, Aiki, and you know it. You help me so much in school when I can barely talk to people, and get flustered by the smallest things, or worried over nothing. You calm me down, so I think it’s okay for me to do things for you.”
“Okay,” Aiki mumbled after a few moments, his cheeks puffed up with the amount of food he was chewing.
Okuto thought it was cute, and let his boyfriend finish the rest of the bowl in peace. He left for a moment to clean up outside, coming back to Aiki after putting away the record player and blankets.
He took Aiki’s bowl and set it in the dishwasher.
“C’mon,” Okuto picked his boyfriend up. Aiki snuggled against him, wrapping his legs around his torso tightly. He liked to be held, so Okuto used every chance he could.
They passed his parents room, his mother shooting a concerned look. Okuto mouthed: “It’s hard.” and she nodded sadly, letting them continue to his room.
Okuto closed the door behind them and settled on his bed.
“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked.
Aiki shook his head. “I want you.”
Okuto pressed closer. “Of course, I’m all yours.”
They breathed each other in for as long as they could, Aiki shifting closer in any way he could, and Okuto letting him as he ran his hands wherever Aiki would let him.
“Oku…” Aiki whispered, stroking Okuto’s jawline with his hands.
Okuto looked up at his lover, giving his beautiful boyfriend all of his attention.
“It’s always you.” Okuto said, as he always did. He never failed to remind Aiki that it was him, and that it always was, and that it always would be.
“I love you.” Aiki said. “I won’t stop, not even if my mom gets mad, not even if she kicks me out. I won’t stop until there’s nothing left of me to love you.”
Okuto knew their love ran deep, deeper than any other bond he had with anyone else. Aiki understood him perfectly, knew him better than Okuto could ever comprehend. Okuto loved Aiki, loved him more than anything that would ever come into his life. Aiki was the first and the last.
Okuto pressed a kiss behind Aiki’s ear, exactly the spot that never failed to make Aiki giggle.
He was right this time as well, Aiki huffing out a laugh as he squished Okuto’s face.
They weren’t romantically intimate.
They didn’t need to be for them to know that they were in love.
Words, for them, were more powerful than actions.
Actions helped, Okuto thought, as he gave Aiki some of his clothing, letting his boyfriend change in the bathroom and use the toothbrush Okuto permanently kept there for his Aiki.
“Want me to read to you tomorrow?” Okuto asked when they were in bed, their legs tangled together as much as their hands.
“I love your voice.” Aiki mumbled, earning a chuckle from Okuto.
“Okay then.” Okuto said, kissing his boyfriend’s head.
“Just hold me.” Aiki said, the last words before he drifted off.
Okuto held his boyfriend, keeping his unsaid promise as they woke up with Okuto’s arms securely around his boyfriend.
His boyfriend was allowed his calm.
Aiki was the starry balcony that never failed to make Okuto feel safe.
Now Okuto wanted to be the warm household Aiki could be excited to go back to.