Chapter Text
Green had once been a fiery boy. He knew that himself. He knew he had been arrogant, bashful, and that his grandfather had been pretty tired of him diving into the grass, finding Pokemon and interrogating the old man about every species that caught his eyes, occasionally even challenging the professor’s profound beliefs and discoveries. He knew that his mentor had to put up with all of his attitude whilst training him, hence the dunking him into water and the slaps and the Pokemon attacks and everything. He knew he deserved them and Chuck probably meant the most for him, and he had turned out much more disciplined than any other kid his age, right?
He was thankful too, because after Chuck, he learned how to hold his silence. His prideful attitude didn’t diminish; or rather, they showed up in all the tiny moments he let himself tease Red or annoy someone else with his competence. But he now deliberately chose when and where to show them, and as he chose to hide those parts in front of his grandfather, the old man looked much happier, believing Chuck’s training had done what it was supposed to and more, with how mature Green had grown. Green had a sort of pride in that, believing he was better off with no more of those scraped hands and knees and useless fights.
Oak still liked Red when he was like that— fiery, reckless, loud—though, seeing it as potential… but that’s probably because Red was much more cheerful doing it and brought everyone happiness easily. Oak had always told him to smile more, hasn’t he? That’s what Green told himself at first, then went on to believe.
He learned that this attitude was… preferred. More people approached him, but without feeling too entitled. He made friends, and people respected him after one battle.
He also wasn’t punished by Chuck or talked down about by Gramps anymore, was he? He must’ve gotten it right.
Over the years of spending time with Red, Blue, and Yellow, then Gold, Silver, Crystal and more— he gradually started to gulp down his words even more. Become quieter, more collected, and the silent pillar people could lean on, as Red said when he praised him.
Why, is a difficult question. It’s not really because he thought he had to hide— or, well.. that had been the initial reasoning. He wanted to become a better senpai. A better person that could be looked up to. He was now Viridian Gym Leader after all, and that meant he was supposed to be the pillar of city and the towns around him all relied on him. He was also the best friend, and then lover, of Red— who burned through everything, ran through everything, and came back with stories, lives saved, and tons of injuries that should’ve been enough to finish him off. He had to be responsible, check his schedules, watch out for him, treat his wounds, and bring the idiot back home, or else Red would’ve just died somewhere.
Green was also looking after Silver at that time, as the poor kid just found out who his father was and almost lost him again. He had regular nightmares and probably needed therapy, but he absolutely refused— which wasn’t really surprising. So, as Viridian gym leader, as the person who took over after Giovanni, Green would always open his door and let Silver break down somewhere that wasn’t surrounded by people or isolated.
Everyone seemed to like this version even more. Oak said he’d grown mature, which might be the only compliment he really knew or cared about giving, as a grandfather who loved his grandchildren but didn’t really want to go through the hassle of raising them. Chuck, too, praised him as he laid his big, bulky hand that once grabbed Green by the head onto Green’s shoulder like an overpossessive boyfriend. Saying that Green isn’t as so overly expressive anymore and he should have been like that before he embarrassed himself in training.
Green no longer even felt relief when they praised him.
But he nodded and smiled along.
He knew he was slowly losing something.
Injuries from battles began to feel oddly comforting. Not in a suicidal way, no— in the relieving way that praise used to be.
Sometimes he woke up and couldn’t catch his breath.
Something was slipping through his fingers.
Well, how important could that be? He was Green Oak— the strategist, the Viridian Gym Leader, the perfectly composed pillar. He didn’t have the time to find what he didn’t even know needed to be found!
That was another thing he told himself, and went on to believe.
Because things become truths in your head when you repeated them enough.
Over time, Green has changed through many versions from what the people around him expect. Not dramatically— just smoothly, seamlessly. So well that nobody ever stopped and thought : hey, isn’t Green acting different? And had a different answer from: He matured.
Because Green has matured.
But not in a healthy way. Not in the way people mature from failure, love and respect.
He shaped himself from his scars and his wounds and the fear the older adults in his life had always planted in him without realizing; of never being enough.
So when he retired early, when he finally set down what he had to be, he had practically nothing left of himself. Not even a crumb of that fiery boy he used to be. And that was supposed to scare him, of course… when he realized he forgot what food he liked. Or what he liked to do when he was bored and really, really didn’t have anything to do and not drowning beneath all the gym leader work or saving Red who was saving another region.
Instead he felt nothing. Just a quiet hollowness in his chest, as he knew something was supposed to go there, but somewhere along the way, he forgot what that felt like.
Red didn’t like that at all.
At first he would let Green be. They were both retired after tons of adventures, challenges, and they deserved rest. Red would just snuggle up with Green, kiss him everywhere and let him float. Red himself couldn’t have enough of his husband, and him staying still made it much easier to demand cuddles and annoy him.
But after the first month of what seemed like a lazy retirement, he started noticing something was wrong.
How Green never ate unless he was reminded.
“Green?”
“Hm?”
“… have you eaten lunch? You said you will later.”
“.. oh.”
How Green drank nothing but coffee with no intention of self-caring.
“Green.”
“Hm?”
“How many cups of coffee have you had today?”
“..two.”
“I don’t think an extra large sized mug counts as one.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.”
“You need water.”
“Do I?”
One morning, Red woke up and found that Green wasn’t beside him. He thought: Good. He must be getting up and maybe going on a jog or something, he’s stoic like that isn’t he—
And finds him on the floor by the sofa, leaning into Arcanine, doing absolutely nothing. His eyes are open, but a bit unfocused, and they take a few seconds until they focus on Red.
“Morning.”
“Morning.”
Red sits down beside him, and Arcanine immediately shifts so that it’s draped across both of them, the spoiled canine it is.
“What’re you doing?” Red asks.
“Nothing,” Green says. “I don’t have to do anything anyway.”
Red’s chest tightens at how Green says that.
“Wasn’t retirement finally planning on doing the things you wanted to do and couldn’t?”
Green thinks a bit. Eventually he replies, “I wanted to do this.”
“Do nothing?”
“If you want to put it like that.”
“Green, this isn’t just being lazy, this is fading.”
“Good job, you discovered that I’m growing old.” Green says, that same sarcasm he uses to avoid anything anyone says that hits too close.
“I’m not joking.” Red presses, cupping Green’s face and tilting it upwards slightly. Green obeys, and his emerald eyes lock onto Red’s crimson.
“I’m not either.” He replies. It’s annoying enough that Green is always avoidant, and his tone is so smooth, so practiced, screaming “I’m fine, don’t push.”.
The silence that follows is tight. Not because Green is defiant, just— he’s defeated, somehow, Red realizes as he takes a shower. Which isn’t quite far, really, and a surprisingly well guess coming from a man who takes his baths with a rubber Psyduck as emotional support. (It’s the Psyduck Green gave Red to remind him to take showers when he’s traveling— it is very much needed in Red’s opinion.)
Red has one last mission now : to make Green actually live, and enjoy living again.
Green has a very annoyed look though when Red declares his mission with a dramatic towel flip. “I have enjoyed my life. I’ve been blessed with so many people and mentors, I’ve been able to work as gym leader—“
“Come on, Green. Nobody enjoys paperwork.” Red cuts in.
“Perhaps I do.” Green scowls.
“Then you have more things to look forward to.”
The smile Red gives is mischievous enough to make Green, expert on Red’s facial expressions and what the idiot does, take a mental note to buy painkillers for the upcoming headaches.