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Traipsing through the fog and mud of the forest, Golden Cheese Cookie wasn't too happy. Wet, hot, even stinking a little. Those cursed monsters, stealing her gold. Her treasures. Things that were hers. Oh, how she wished she was royalty, and not a mere commoner, dirty and overlooked. That way, she'd have hundreds of guards trained to prevent this exact eventuality.
Special. That's what she was. Destined for glory and fortune, jewels and gifts thrown at her feet every day by adoring citizens. Cookies cheering when she entered a room, telling her how perfect she looked, praising her majesty. It was simply her fate!
But, if it were to become a reality, she needed that gold back.
Immediately.
Unfortunately, there were a couple of obstacles stood in her proverbial path. She didn't have anywhere to stay while she was on the move, nor the money required to pay for an inn. She hadn't quite built up as much strength as she had wit: her only working weapon to date being an embarrassingly cheese-shaped spear. Of course, she was still exceedingly powerful for a peasant girl, just not powerful enough.
Right. So what she needed to do was find someone, anyone, to help her. As stubborn as she was, wealth and power could be very, very useful in the long run. Even the tiniest amount would do.
Conveniently, a few turns away, there was a considerately popular pub, known for its many adventurous visitors, stopping by most nights for a drink or two. Golden Cheese found that the idea of a bar full of more experienced explorers should have at least one bumbling idiot willing to form a duo.
And if not, well, she'd probably be sleeping on the grass outside for a few nights.
***
As she wandered through the pub's old wooden door, the stench of alcohol and body odour hit her like a punch to the stomach. Truly unbearable. How did they possibly put up with this?
The area itself was pretty large, maybe a dozen battered cookies scattered around, stood or sat in various places. Mostly men. Golden Cheese never really liked men that much. They were rude and disgusting, save for the fair few that still had some semblance of decency.
I'll have to put up with these buffoons, she pouted. Just for a little while, until I have my riches back.
She expected the place to be a little fuller than this, what with it being the only social gathering in the entire forest. However, it quickly dawned on her that the emptiness was simply a result of something far more interesting.
All the new arrivals seemed to flock over towards the corner of the building, cheering and whooping at an event going on near the bar. Golden Cheese craned her neck up in an attempt to catch what all the commotion was about, but whatever it was these cookies were that excited to see had been completely blotted out of view by the massive crowd.
If so many hardy adventurers could be so enticed by something happening at a simple bar, then it was definitely worth paying some mind. Hesitantly, Golden Cheese made her way around tables and across the creaking floorboards, slowly inching closer and closer to her destination. Eventually, she was close enough to make out a few loud chants.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
She groaned audibly. Of course. Just some drunkard jerk trying to impress a bunch of gym rats with his unhealthy beer tolerance. Obviously. So nothing interesting, then.
Yet as that final mug slammed down onto the table, she paused. The brightest laughter, ringing out like bells through the room, made her stop. She turned around, and for a moment, locked eyes with the culprit.
And it wasn't a guy this time.
The most gorgeous woman Golden Cheese had ever seen in her life was stood, hands on her hips, surrounded by mugs and mugs and mugs of juice. Ten, at least. Fully sized. Her vibrant pink hair was already falling out of its buns, puffed and messy with sweat. She was perched atop a roundtable, guffawing happily like a big dumb idiot, doing spins and silly curtseys.
Her eyes were kind.
And the desert girl could fall for years in them.
"Hey!! Hey!!" The woman called, making a welcoming gesture with her arms. Her huge, muscled arms. "You there, golden-hair! Come here! You're pretty!"
Golden Cheese flushed the colour of a ripe tomato, jaw still agape in disbelief. The request was followed by a round of agreement and a couple of catcalls, which put her off completely, even if it meant getting up close and personal with a really hot lady. "I'm uncomfortable," She blurted out, immediately realising how young and entitled she sounded.
The other woman, while surprised, didn't object at all. "Ah!" She nodded, words only slightly slurred from all the alcohol. "Do you not like big crowds?"
Golden Cheese had to resist the urge to cover her ears, what with how loud the cookie was. "Uhh... no...?"
"Can I come over there, then? Can I buy you a drink??"
The smaller girl tried to stop herself from blushing. She didn't usually enjoy being hit on by drunk people, but this one? This one she wasn't all that opposed to. "I... I... I mean, yeah... s-sure. Yeah. Why not?"
Pleased, the woman hopped down from her table, steps so light and joyous that you'd assume she was walking on clouds. "Awesome!" She turned to the bar once more. "AYYY!! FRIEND!! Could you whip up a nice wine for the beautiful lady, please? Put it on my tab, and add a BIG tip! HA HA!!"
Beautiful lady. Nobody had ever called Golden Cheese a beautiful lady before. "Is this whole happy-go-lucky thing what you tend to do when you're drunk?" She asked, her tone coming out more sour than she intended.
The woman looked confused, then entertained again. "Hah! I'm not drunk! I could down a lot more than that. For your information, golden-hair, I'm always really loud and annoying."
"You...! That's not what I meant-"
Another laugh, bold and sweet. "Pfft!! No, no, lass, I'm just pulling your leg. Hehe," She extended a hand. "Name's Hollyberry Cookie, by the way! Honoured to meet ya!"
"You're something of a flirt, Hollyberry Cookie," Golden Cheese smirked, accepting the offered shake, as well as the glass of wine she was handed by a very sweaty bartender. "Golden Cheese Cookie. But, by all means, continue calling me a beautiful lady. It's true, after all."
Once the words had come out, she silently cursed herself. It happened again, damnit. Every time a cookie had shown any sort of interest in her, she'd talked about herself so much that they all just... gave up. No doubt it would turn out much differently today.
Fortunately, Hollyberry seemed quite amused by the confidence. She leaned back in her chair, muddy boots kicked up onto the table. "Oh, okay. No objections here. So, beautiful lady... what brings you to this rundown place, huh?"
"Looking for a skilled adventurer willing to form an alliance with me."
The other cookie's posture straightened, betraying her intrigue. "Oh? Why's that?"
Golden Cheese narrowed her eyes. "Pesky monsters stole my gold, and I want it back. Of course, I'm charming, and I'm smart. I'm perfect, really," She tossed a lock of hair behind her shoulder, grinning smugly. "However, at the moment, I do seem to be considerately lacking on the material side of things. It's a pity, but I'm sure I can woo a few wealthy men. Won't be hard."
Hollyberry didn't say anything for a while, rolling rhe idea around in her head. When she spoke again, the statement was short. Serious. "I'm wealthy."
The desert girl raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You? Wealthy? Psh, if you were wealthy, you wouldn't be wearing that... that rag."
"I don't want to look wealthy. I want to look like me."
Silence.
Golden Cheese frowned, as if chewing on her thoughts. It was a fair argument. She simply didn't understand it. "I suppose that explains why you can buy so many drinks," She deadpanned. "What kind of wealthy are we talking? Family passed down a bunch of land or something? Got the best slice of grandpa's will?"
"I'm a noble," Hollyberry replied, smiling. "Princess of my House. It's a boring job. I much prefer going on adventures."
Of course, the Berry Houses. But weren't all of them supposed to be huge jerks, or snotty idiots? This woman was neither. "We have very different ideas of fun," The desert girl noted, nodding her head slowly. "Which... could be beneficial. In certain ways."
"You want me to join your little gold hunt?"
Golden Cheese, for some strange reason, began panicking. Did she? Yes, that was the plan, wasn't it? Coax some stupid ape into giving her all their money? Except, Hollyberry wasn't a stupid ape. She was friendly, and funny, and hot. Surely that had to make things harder. "I... well, I mean, you're a candidate, yes."
"Just a candidate?" Hollyberry blinked, pretty pink eyes glinting in the sunlight. "I haven't seen you ask anyone else."
Golden Cheese sneered at her. "Doesn't mean I wasn't going to. Being cute and muscled and rich won't always get you what you want, you know."
The other woman batted her eyelashes. "Awwe, you think I'm cute."
An embarrassed pause washed over the table. It was as if she was sat at the table with a tomato. Amused, Hollyberry ran a hand through her hair, playing with the loose strands. "I'd say yes if you asked me. We'd make a cool team."
Golden Cheese flushed an even brighter beet red, almost melting into a puddle on her seat. They would. They'd make a very, very cool team.
If she could just let go of her ego for one damn second.
"Fine! Fine. I want you... to come with me," She grumbled, standing up and pushing the chair out from under her. "But I'm the boss. I tell you what to do and I tell you how you're going to do it. Understood?
Hollyberry grinned, got down on one knee, and brought up the girl's hand to her lips for a kiss. "Understood."
Golden Cheese pulled away, cheeks already burning. "A-And no more of that...! It's unprofessional!!"
"Whatever you say, beautiful lady."
"... Golden Cheese Cookie. It's Golden Cheese Cookie."
"Whatever you say, Golden Cheese Cookie."