Chapter Text
Chapter 1/10:
A loud groan emits from the smallest bedroom in Joker’s apartment. Making Harley sigh, she thought Joker and Batman were going well! They’ve been fighting non-stop for the past few months. Joker hasn’t had any time to spend with Harley and Ivy because of it. He missed the day where they were supposed to hang out and have a sleepover!
But it seems like they argued again, judging by Joker’s silence all day. When Joker is silent, it usually means he’ll wreak havoc if bothered, and Harley couldn’t get ahold of a riot shield so she hasn’t entered his room. The only time she’s gone on Joker’s side of the hallway, is when she dropped food at the door of his room. Even then, she took extra precaution and wore a bulletproof vest.
It’s best to just leave Joker alone and wait for him to come out of his bedroom when he’s ready. Otherwise, you’d be risking your life. So, after a few days of Joker not leaving his room except for showering, Harley called Ivy to force get him out of his room.
Of course, Ivy was reluctant. She isn’t as close to the clown as Harley is. —In fact, the jester is pretty sure Ivy hates Joker. Any time he’d hang out with them, she would always give him glares behind his back.— But after a bit of convincing, (and promising that she would get to strangle Joker) she finally gave in.
Harley patiently waited in the living room for Ivy to arrive. She skimmed through most of the hundreds of TV channels while waiting. Before deciding to just turn the television off and read the weekly Gotham magazine. Which, okay, isn’t that bad, it’s just the fact that Bruce Wayne is always on the cover. Like right now. A large photo of the billionaire in a suit is taking up most of the page, bold letters reading, ‘GOTHAM’S TOP TEN MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS’ above him. Can’t they think of someone else to make a magazine out of?! Or, at least use a different photo? Seriously, Harley doesn’t know why Joker seems to be so infatuated with Bruce Wayne. He has at least five posters of the man on his walls. Bruce just looks like another egoistical, rich guy who’s obsessed with himself. And as far as Harley’s concerned, that’s not her Puddin’s type at all.
Before Harley could think of another insult to say to Bruce next time she sees him, she hears a knock on her door. She gets up so fast she stubbed her toe on the coffee table in front of her. She winces, clutching her foot as she hops over to the front door, opening it and smiling at her girlfriend.
“Hi, Ives!” The jester greets.
“Hey, Harl. What did you need me to do, again?” Ivy asks, entering the apartment and chucking off her shoes. The Mary Janes landing next to the door, alongside Harley’s dual-colored boots and Joker’s green and purple high tops.
“Can you pick up Mr. J and force him to come out of his room?”
“How can I say no to strangling him.” Ivy walks over to Joker’s bedroom, opening the door and instantaneously sticking a vine in the room before Joker could slam the door shut. She wraps the plant around his body, garnering angry protests and profane words from the clown. He bangs the bottom of his fists against the vine in an attempt to weaken it. It just constricts him tighter, preventing him from breathing. The vine brings him over to the doorway and drops him, knocking the air out of him.
Harley quickly closes the door so that Joker can’t run back in. Because of this, he lets out a whine, accepting defeat and pouting. He crosses his arms childishly as Ivy and Harley do a special handshake, their hands moving in synchronized precision, as if they’d practiced this a million times before. They end it with a fist bump, wiggling their fingers and smirking.
“We’re sorry, J. But we had to get you out, somehow.” Harley apologizes. Joker just scoffs and hugs himself tighter, glaring at the duo.
“Listen, I know I was rough, but you made Harley feel sad, and I obviously can’t let that happen. So, sorry-not-sorry.” The clown doesn’t reply, rolling his eyes.
“Come on, Puddin’! Say something!” Harley shouts. “Why aren’t you talking to us?! Did something happen between you and B-Man?” She asks. To which Joker’s eyes widen, before softening. Now, instead of a glare, his eyes are full of… Sadness? Hurt? Somewhere along those lines. He nods softly, dropping his arms to his sides where they fiddle with the hem of his shorts.
“Wait, are those my shorts?” Harley asks, smirking playfully. Joker’s cheeks slightly flush, he opens his mouth to protest, before nodding. “Well, that explains where they went.” She mumbles.
“Your shorts fit him?” Ivy asks.
“Yeah, actually, they’re pretty big on him, I think. I’m taller than him by like, six inches.” Harley brags, grinning smugly. “Plus, my thighs are a little-“
“Five and a half!!” Joker yells, death glaring Harley. But his sentence isn’t what get the girls’ attention, it’s the fact that he spoke for the first time in almost a week.
“You just talked!” Harley exclaims. She turns to Ivy, before saying, “Mission accomplished!”
“Actually, our mission was to get him out of the room. But him speaking is a perk, I guess.” Ivy corrects, before cheering with Harley.
“This is the stupidest thing you guys are celebrating for.” Joker mutters.
Chapter 2/10:
“Not stupid at all, actually. It’s hard to get through to you during one of your fits. Who knew you just needed to be strangled by my vines to talk?” Ivy grins, fidgeting with a flower in her hand.
“Yeah! Remember that one time it took us destroying two boats and somehow causing a whirlpool for you to cheer up? B-Man and Commissioner Gordon were so angry!” Harley exclaims, eyes lighting up with excitement.
Joker smiles, vividly remembering the memory. Batman had been so angry with him, afterward, he threatened to throw him into Arkham Asylum. Suddenly, Joker’s smile fades, the very thought of Batman making him sad. Harley seems to notice this, as her face contorts into a frown, almost matching Joker.
“Aw, man. I forgot. I promise not to talk about him, anymore, Mister. J.”
“It’s okay, Harls.”
“How about we go rob a Walmart to get your mind off things?” Ivy suggests.
“Why a Walmart?” Joker inquires.
“It was the first store that came to my mind.”
“Are you sure this isn’t because they refused to sell you plants, again?” Harley asks.
“Uh… No..” Harley raises a brow. “Okay, maybe it is, but you guys get to rob a store, and I get revenge. It’s a win-win.”
“Fair.” Joker shrugs.
“Okay, then let’s go! First, get dressed, though. I don’t think we can show up to rob a place in pajamas.”
“Oh yeah.. I’ll go change.” Joker utters, before walking back to his room.
“You trust him in his room?”
“Nah, but if he doesn’t come out in about an hour, I know something is up. Now, come on, I’m sure I have some good clothes for you.” Harley grabs Ivy’s hand and leads her to her room.
Thirty minutes later, Joker exits his room. Fluffing up his hair in the middle of the hall, staring at himself through the roof-to-floor mirror. Groaning when stubborn strands come to frame his face. The consequences of not using products for a whole week.
“Ugh! Harley, can you help me?” He calls out, hoping his voice reaches her room.
“With what?” She yells.
“Hair!”
“Ivy’s better at that, sorry!” Joker hears his Girl-Buddy and Ivy’s voices interlacing, seeming to argue, before Ivy comes out, her face indicating she was forced to do this. Her eyes widen, in shock, before returning to normal.
“Your suit isn’t half-bad, today.” She mutters.
“Thanks! This is new, actually, I bought it a month ago but I haven’t had the chance to wear it.” He twirls around, giving Ivy a full view of his purple suit and coattails. “Anyway, can you help me with this?” He gestures to his face, where many spiral-shaped hairs are protruding in random directions, some falling down onto his face.
“That’s just your natural curls coming out. I guess all of the ozone-damaging, over-consuming products you use straightened your hair over time. You should use some of my plant oils, they’ll properly care for your hair and won’t damage it as much as store-bought oils do.” Joker seems to consider this, before nodding, bringing his hands down and letting Ivy take care of his mess of hair.
After about two minutes or so, Ivy backs up, turning Joker towards the mirror as if she was a hair dresser showing her customer how their hair turned out. Joker’s jaw drops, he hadn’t expected Ivy to be so good with curls, but considering she had gorgeous, voluminous waves, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise.
Joker doesn’t know where she got all of the bobby-pins from, but they definitely worked better than a load of hairspray. Successfully bringing his hair back in a way that doesn’t make his scalp ache. She left a few curls down to frame his face, and honestly, it suited him way better than just pulling his hair back and applying gel.
“You don’t need to thank me.” Ivy grins. Now, she has new hair to play with when she’s bored. Joker’s hair was surprisingly easy to deal with, it easily flowed with her hands, probably the aftermath of years of neglect from heavy products.
Before Joker could say anything, Harley came out of her room, jaw dropping at the sight of Joker.
“Oh my gosh, you did an amazing job, Ives!” She praises, coming up to admire her work.
“Thank you, I know.” She says smugly, no real heat to her voice.
“Anyway, we have to hurry. It’ll be dark out soon and I’m not looking forward to robbing a Walmart in the dark.” Harley reminds, handing Ivy and Joker their bags of weapons that they hide along their person.
After a good thirty seconds, Joker pins the acid-spitting flower on his chest. Twisting it to be in a good angle, and Ivy adjusts the final bright-red rose in her hair.
“Done!” He exclaims, before seizing Harley’s mallet and handing it to the jester. “How do you carry that thing?”
“Arm day really comes in handy with this. Plus, I know how to hold it properly.” She explains, before running to the front door where Ivy is. Planting a kiss on the botanist’s cheek and opening the door, not bothering to wait for Joker as she knows he isn’t too far behind. “Come on, Ives.” She grabs her girlfriend’s hand, interlacing their fingers, and steps out of the warehouse.
“Hurry up, J! We don’t have all day!” Ivy yells.
“Coming!” He quickly follows them, closing the door behind himself and locking it.
During the car ride to Walmart, Joker makes a realization. He’s going to have to interact with Batman if he’s going to commit a crime, and he doesn’t think he’s ready to face the vigilante just yet.
“Wait, Harley, we have to go back to the hide-out.”
“Why?”
“I.. Just because!”
“He’s scared he’ll have to see his boyfriend again.” Ivy deadpans. Joker lets out a pearl-clutching shriek, his face turning a bright red.
“Shut up!” He cries. Beads of sweat forming on his forehead, causing his makeup to feel like it’s melting on his skin, and with how hot his face is, it might as well be.
Harley giggles, before giving her girlfriend a high-five.
“Good one!”
“I know, right?” Ivy grins, before turning her head towards Joker. “Calm down. He’ll probably show up with his bat-family. I’ll grab him with one of my vines before he reaches you, and you’ll just have to deal with Robin.” Joker sighs, slouching in his seat out of relief.
“Thanks Ivy, you’re a lifesaver.” Ivy’s smirk turns mischievous, as she turns to Harley and whispers something Joker can’t hear. Whatever it was, it must’ve been funny, as Harley barks out a laugh right after, almost swerving into a car before putting her attention back on the road.
Chapter 3/10:
Idk how store robberies work, forgive me for any mistakes lol. Enjoy!
Joker, Harley, and Ivy barge into the store through the front doors with the help of the latter’s vines. Breaking the glass of the automatic doors and sending dozens of shopping carts sprawling across the floor. Bumping into mannequins and cash registers in the process, luckily, a few civilians avoided getting hit.
“Guess who’s back?!?!” The trio shout, the cacophony of their voices ringing throughout the superstore. Alerting many customers who somehow didn’t hear the glass breaking or see the empty carts scattered across the front of the store.
Ivy and Harley quickly destroy everything they see, as Joker runs to the cash registers, pointing his obnoxiously colorful gun at the employees who were brave enough to try and stop him. He shoves money into a large bag he brought, not bothering to pick up any stray dollar bills that fell on the ground.
After a few minutes, right when Joker was starting to think he wouldn’t have to see his nemesis. Four humans jump into the store, (Yeah, he doesn’t know how they did that, but they managed) and start yelling at the trio, telling them to put down the bags of money.
“Joker! Harley Quinn! Poison Ivy! Put down the money!” Batman yells, his deep voice making Joker grimace without even having to look at him.
The quad quickly separate. Batgirl, Robin, and Alfred running toward Ivy and Harley, since the couple were already near each other. Ivy quickly wraps a few vines around them, successfully trapping them. Leaving Batman with either saving them, or dealing with Joker. Said clown staring at Ivy with a look of betrayal on his face. Ivy looks at him and mouths, ‘Sorry’ to him. Her face contradicting her words as she grins.
Not knowing what else to do, Joker runs, leaving the money bags behind and speeding out of there, running through the store, not bothering to look where he’s going, just wanting to be as far away from Batman as possible. Batman follows behind, chasing Joker.
Joker looks behind him every once in a while, about the fifth time he looks back, Batman is gone. He smiles, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, before running into a mannequin, falling back onto his bottom and groaning. Holding his nose where he made contact with the display, before regaining his awareness and standing up, bracing himself to run, before his collar getting tugged on by someone.
Batman raises Joker in the air slightly, preventing the clown from running away again. He looks to his family, who finally broke out of Ivy’s vines, and calls out to them.
“Are you guys good?” He yells across the store. Batgirl turns towards him, and gives him a thumbs up, before going back to fighting Harley. Batman faces Joker once again. “We need to talk.”
“Do-Do we really..?” Joker asks, smiling nervously.
Batman abruptly changes Joker’s position, throwing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, before carrying him somewhere outside, needing their conversation to be private. He dumps Joker onto the ground, not bothering to check if he’s hurt before speaking.
“What happened?” Batman asks, trying not to make it obvious that he’s admiring staring at Joker’s new hairstyle. He’s never seen the lunatic with curls before, he looked pretty nice.
“What do you mean?” Joker asks, pretending to play dumb.
“You know what I mean. Why disappear for a week and then come back like nothing ever happened? I was worried, you don’t usually avoid me without a heads-up.”
“Uh- well, I-I…” Joker sighs, deciding he’s not getting out of having this conversation. “I saw you with… with Catwoman two weeks ago.” He hugs his knees to his chest.
“And?” Batman asks, genuinely confused.
“You were.. kissing her.”
“And?” Batman repeats. Not knowing why him kissing Selina would affect Joker. The clown looks up at him with glassy eyes, before looking back down. His shoes suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the room. “Why does that bother you?” He hadn’t realized Joker stood up until he was right in front of him.
Joker glares at Batman, looking in his cowl-covered eyes for any signs of a joke, before chuckling and turning his gaze towards the floor. When he looks back up, his eyes have a defeated look in them.
“Why do you think?” He walks off right after saying that, quickly disappearing into the night. Batman is left with his mouth open slightly, reasons why Joker cares about his relationship with Selina race in his mind, yet he still doesn’t know why. He doesn’t have enough information to come to a certain conclusion. So he just stands there, unable to provide an answer to Joker’s question, despite the clown thinking the reply should be obvious.
A week later, Bruce works up the courage to consult Barbara about the conversation. Deciding he’s going to need a different perspective on this if he wants to solve the question that has been lingering in his mind.
“So, Joker caught you kissing Catwoman one day, voluntarily disappeared after that, when he came back, he told you he saw you with her, and when you asked him why it bothered him, he said ‘Why do you think’?”
“Yeah. I still don’t know why.” Barbara looks at him with pity.
“And he refused to tell you himself why?”
“Yes.” A beat of silence.
“I shouldn’t tell you.”
“Babs! Please!” Bruce pleads.
“Okay…” Another beat of silence. “He li- loves you.” Bruce stares at Barbara like she said the most obvious thing in the world.
“Well, duh, everyone loves me.” He says.
“No, he loves you.” She repeats. His brows furrowed together, before raising high. No words come out of his mouth, as he struggles to comprehend the answer to Joker’s inquiry.
“Oh.” Bruce mutters. He doesn’t really know what to think. He can’t doesn’t love him back. Joker is the Joker, a criminal. Then again, so is Catwoman. But he fell in love with Selina not Catwoman. In the end, none of them loved him. She just used him for the money. Both as Catwoman and Selina. They broke up while Joker disappeared, anyway. He just didn’t have the chance to tell Joker that.
Before he could think any longer, Barbara interrupted his thoughts.
“Do you love him back?” She asks.
“I-… I think I do.” Bruce admits.
“You think or you know?”
“I think.”
“Maybe you could wait and confess to him when you know you love him. If Joker hid for a week, then he definitely knows he loves you, and everyone deserves someone who is sure of their love. Even if that person is a criminal.”
“Once again, you have a point. I could maybe wait until the end of the month.”
“Yes! Until then, you could pretend to play dumb about Joker’s question, and when you’re finally sure of yourself, you can tell him the answer, and based on how you feel, you can reject him or confess.” Bruce looks at her horrified.
“That’s.. no offense… so mean.”
“I know, but do you have another idea?”
“No..”
“Then it’s wait-and-either-break-his-heart-or-fulfill-it for you!” Barbara exclaims.
Chapter 4/10:
Coattails are important to Joker. They’re his whole personality.
“You WHAT?!” Harley shrieks, tugging her hair, almost pulling it out of her scalp.
“Why on God’s green Earth would you do that?” Ivy pinches the bridge of her nose.
“I don’t know!! I wasn’t thinking straight and now I might’ve just ruined our enemy-ship for the rest of eternity because I indirectly confessed my undying love to him!” Joker rambles.
“Did he seem to get what you were hinting at, though?” Ivy asks, the calmer one out of the three.
“I don’t think so..? He never answered but that might have been because of shock.”
“Puddin’, you’ve made a series of dumb mistakes over the past years, but this- this takes the crown.”
“I know! Ugh, how could I be so stupid?!?”
“There’s still a chance he doesn’t know what you meant.” Ivy reminds. “Let’s just pray he was dumb enough to not know.” She mutters.
“How am I supposed to face him now?” He asks.
“Just pretend nothing happened, I guess. It would be weird if you disappeared again after disappearing once.” Ivy states.
“Everything about this is weird!” Harley exclaims.
“I think I’m gonna have to pull out Napier.” Joker whispers to himself.
“What? No! You haven’t been him in like, two years!” Harley protests.
“I have to.”
“J, for the love of-“ Ivy never gets to finish her sentence.
“I have to!” He yells, before running into his room.
Five minutes later, Jack Napier comes out. Dressed in a black dress shirt with the top button open, revealing a simple, silver necklace. Back, baggy pants hug his hips, and wavy, auburn hair that curls at the ends frames his face, the only difference being the color. His skin is still pale, of course, but at least not pure white anymore. He toned down the makeup, now, his lips aren’t as vibrant red. They’re still a red too bright to be natural, but it’s less apparent now.
“Uh… is this.. nice?” Jack asks, adjusting his hair. His voice less obnoxious, but still a little high-pitched, of course.
“Jack! You look amazing!”
“I do? Thanks, Harleen.” Harley’s eyes widen.
“No way. Glasses are way too uncomfortable.”
“Please!”
“No.”
“Please!” Jack pouts.
“… Fine. Only because I can dress all pretty.” Harley smiles, before turning to face Ivy, who looks at her confused.
“What?”
“Pamela…” Harley whispers. Ivy shakes her head.
“No.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“Please!” Jack drops to his knees, wincing at the pain flaring up in his legs, but brushing it off. He brings his hands together, and interlaces his fingers. Harleen does the same, joining him on her knees. Ivy looks between the two, she didn’t expect them to pressure her, but she should’ve.
“Ugh, fine!.. But this is for Harley, just so you know.” Pamela points at him, glaring.
“I don’t care!” He scoffs, rolling his eyes.
“Why is Jack so bratty?” She asks. Harleen gasps and Jack’s jaw drops.
“Excuse you! He’s not bratty!” Harleen shouts.
“You’re bratty!”
Pamela gasps, before clutching Harleen’s hand and dragging her to her bedroom. Willing to prove Jack wrong once she’s fully in-character. While waiting, Jack checks his manicure, realizing the nail polish was ruined during the robbery. He groans, pulling out a tube of bright purple nail polish and re-applying it to his nails. Drying the polish with the UV lamp Harley bought a few days ago. By the time the girls come back, Jack’s nails are re-polished and this time, he didn’t forget to add the protective clear layer on top.
Pamela Isley and Harleen Quinzel are the women who come out of that room. Isley’s red hair was now a lighter shade of orange, almost matching Jack’s. She wore a sage green short-sleeved shirt and grey pants. Dark green glasses adorned her face, making her eyes appear a little larger. Harleen’s black and red hair was temporarily dyed to be a strawberry blonde. She tied it up in a low, messy, bun and had dark red glasses to match with Isley’s. She’s dressed in a burgundy, collared shirt, and black pants that match Jack’s.
“You guys look.. alright, I guess.” Jack mutters.
“Oh, come on, Mr. J! You know we look fantastic.”
“Okay, fine, maybe just a little nice.”
“I’ll take it!” She grabs Pamela’s hand before bringing her over to the sofa.
“So, now what?” Pamela asks.
“Bruce Wayne is hosting a fundraiser tonight and we need to take a visit. Wayne Manor has lots of riches we can steal if we’re discreet enough.” Jack grins, gesturing to the TV, where Bruce Wayne is on live talking to reporter’s about tonight’s gala.
“We obviously need something better to wear than this.” Isley points to her causal clothes. Harleen’s eyes light up.
“I could whip up something for you guys! I already have the perfect dress for this so I only need to make something for each of you.” Harleen announces.
“Great! I can do Pam’s nails while you make the outfits.” Jack grabs Pamela’s wrist and leads her to his room.
“Here is a bunch of different nail polish colors.” He hands her a keychain that is attached to dozens of different acrylic nail bases with nail polish colors on them. “Do you what a design, or just one single color?”
“Um.. I don’t want to take too long, so just one color.” Pamela moves over to the green section of the colors and chooses a jade green color. “This one.”
“What’s the number?” Jack asks, checking for the number at the base of the stick. After seeing the number, he goes to his nail polishes to check which bottle matches.
“Babs! I need your help with something!” Bruce yells. He’s been struggling with what to wear for tonight. He has a date with a girl and he doesn’t want to ruin it. Her name is.. Ava? Anna? Something like that. Instead of going to a restaurant, his date will just come over for the fundraiser later.
“What is it?” She asks, stepping into the room and walking over to Bruce.
“Which suit should I wear.” He holds up two identical tuxedos.
“… Those look the exact same?”
“No, they’re completely different. This one is made by a designer brand and this one is from GAP.”
“How did you find that at- Whatever, not the point. Uh.. that one.” Barbara points to the first one.
“The one from GAP?”
“I can’t tell what the difference between the suits are!”
“The brand, obviously.”
“Why does it matter?!”
“I don’t know just pick one!”
“Which one?!?”
“That’s up to you!”
“I think we’ll need to bring in the big guns.” Barbara utters. “I’ll go get him.”
Five minutes later, Barbara comes back with Dick Grayson.
“What am I doing here, again?”
“Choosing between these two suits.”
“Oh. Okay…” Dick whispers something under his breath, Bruce couldn’t quite catch it. At last, Dick points to the first one. “That one.”
“Oh my God! How were we so stupid! Of course!” Barbara finally sees what’s different. The second tux doesn’t have a button.
“This is exactly why we always get help from Dick.”
“Yep!” Barbara ruffles the kid’s hair.
A few hours pass until Harleen is finally finished making the dresses. In the meantime, since Jack already finished Pamela’s nails, they fought over what to watch. Spending at least thirty minutes debating which of their favorite movies is better.
“We’re not watching Serendipity, Jack!”
“Why not? It’s better than Fast And Furious!”
“The Fast And The Furious! Also, Serendipity is a horrible movie!”
Jack gasps.
“You tell that to the street rats!” Jack yells, before walking over and attempting to pick Pamela up. Grunting as he repeatedly fails.
“You can’t pick me up. You’re a twig who skips both arm day and leg day! You weigh less than Harley!” Pamela grabs one of Jack’s wrists and measures it using her hand, raising an eyebrow at him when her index and thumb touch. Jack rips his hand away before snatching the remote and playing Serendipity. Pamela groans, rolling her eyes as the movie begins playing.
“Ha! Guess who’s watching Serendipity? We are!!”
“Guess who’s gonna walk behind the car the whole way to the Manor? You are!” Jack’s smile drops.
“You wouldn’t..”
“I just texted Harl about it and she said, and I quote, ‘Okay lol’.”
“How could she do this to me?! I thought we were Girl and Boy-Buddies!” Jack returns his attention to the screen and instantly changes moods. Entranced by the sight of Jonathan and Sara finally meeting.
“Ew, she likes him?” Pamela asks.
“I know right?”
Throughout the movie, Pamela asks odd questions that Jack easily answers, having seen the movie at least 9 times. Right when the main characters are about to reunite, Harley comes running in the room.
“Guys! I finished the outfits!” She exclaims, running over to the couch and turning off the TV. Jack groans, complaining that they ‘were just getting to the good part’. Despite Pamela and Jack’s protests, Harleen grabs ahold of both of their hands and drags them to her bedroom.
“Wait! What happens next?” Pamela reaches a hand toward the television like it’ll tell her.
“They just kiss and get back together.” Harleen rolls her eyes. “I know because Jack always watches that movie when we have nothing to do.”
“Oh. All of that angsty stuff just so they get back together?”
“Isn’t that a good ending?” Jack asks.
“Yeah, but also a boring ending!”
“Fair.” He utters. “Anyway, do our outfits look good?”
“Well, duh, I made them.” Harleen let’s go of their hands before giving them two black blindfolds. “They look so good you need to wear blindfolds.”
“Since when did we have these?” Isley asks, putting the blindfold on.
“They’re so soft..” Jack whispers, rubbing his fingers over the fabric repeatedly.
“I know right? I got them for fifty percent off.”
“Fifty?!” Pamela exclaims.
“Yep. Now come, don’t take those off until I say so.” She grabs their hands again and leads them into her bedroom. She takes them to the center, before bringing the mannequins with their outfits over, placing them in front of them. “Okay.. take the blindfolds off!” Jack and Pamela remove their blindfolds at the same time, gasping when they see their outfits.
Pamela’s outfit is an olive green dress with an over-the-shoulder cut and a slit that begins near the lower thigh, silver gems adorning the area where the dress meets skin. The back has a corset with thick, sage green strings tightening the dress to fit. Jack’s mannequin has a dark purple, almost black, tuxedo with an emerald green tie. The end of it disappearing into the royal purple waistcoat that has silvery sage fobs connecting the four buttons on the front. The pants are more basic and match the color of the suit jacket.
“Uh, love the outfit, it’s amazing, but Harley..?” Jack starts.
“Yes?”
“WHERE ARE THE COATTAILS?!” He shouts and Pamela could’ve sworn she saw Harleen’s hair move from how loud he yelled.
“Um, well, here’s the things, Mr. J… I figured you wouldn’t want coattails as, uh, they’re apart of your Joker outfit and-“
“Oh, right. We wouldn’t want anyone connecting those dots.” Jack’s mood completely changes, as he goes from rage to tranquility. He walks over to his mannequin to properly take a look at the outfit.
“But I did buy these boots for you since I knew you’d be mad about the lack of coattails and you love these type of boots.” Harleen adds, pulling a pair of boots that match Jack’s waistcoat color out of… nowhere. Literally, they just magically appeared in her hand. Jack raises a brow at his but decides to ignore it as he properly takes a look at the purple lace-up block boots with a seven-inch heel.
“Oh my gosh, Harley!! Where did you get these?!? They’re the perfect height! I’ve been looking for boots with heels this tall for men for like, ever!” Jack exclaims, snatching the boots out of Harley’s hand and holding them like his most prized possession.
“You’re welcome, Puddin’!”
“Yeah, yeah, those ten-inch—“
“Seven-inch!” Jack whisper-shouts.
“—Seven-inch, boots are amazing and stuff, but where’s my shoes?” Pamela asks. Harleen smiles toothily before running across the room, quickly grabbing a box and running back. She hands it to Pamela with no words. “Uh, thanks but- oh my gosh are these green Calvin Klein heels?!”
“Yes! Do you like them? I forced them to make it just for you!”
“Aw, Harley!” Pamela clutches a hand to her chest, before leaning in and kissing Harley, who returns the favor passionately. Jack rolls his eyes, bringing two fingers up to his mouth and emitting gagging noises.
“Gross! Get a room, you two!”
“Don’t worry, Jack. I’m sure you’ll find someone to do this with at the gala!” Harleen separates from Pamela. “Now, go try on the suit.”
“Okay.” Jack leads the mannequin to his room across the hall.
“And your boots!”
“Right!” He quickly comes back to get them before returning to his bedroom.
Chapter 5/10:
I don’t drink, so tell me if I wrote anything wrong
Jack changed into the clothes Harley made him. The suit and shoes fit him perfectly, although he still doesn’t feel right… He can’t look into a mirror because he tore all of the ones in his room down three weeks ago and if he can’t step outside because he doesn’t know how the outfit looks on him. He spends another ten minutes in there, adjusting his clothes where they cling to him most.
Harley began to feel suspicious, Jack doesn’t usually spend this much time getting ready. Were the boots to difficult to put on? Did he end up hating the outfit? Is he changing his mind about the gala?
“I’m gonna go check on Jack. In the meanwhile you can begin to get dressed and ready.” Harley stands up and opens the door to her bedroom before sauntering across the hall and twisting Jack’s doorknob. “Jack? Is everything all right in there?” Jack opens the door and pulls Harley in without a word. She grins from ear-to-ear at the sight of the suit.
“Does it look fine?” He asks, nervously fiddling with his currently unkept curls.
“Yeah, why?”
“I feel.. fat in this…” He admits, tugging at the sides of his clothing where it tightly hugs the sides of his torso. Harley’s eyes soften before she walks over to Jack and wraps her arms around him.
“My palm can touch my elbow. That isn’t normal, Puddin’.” Harley squeezes Jack twice for emphasis before letting her arms drop to her sides. “Now hug me.” Jack pulls Harleen into an embrace, seeing where his hands can just barely touch just below the center of her forearms.
“See? You’re thin as a twig, Sugar Plum.” Jack looks at her with uncertainty. “If anything, you need to gain weight. I can pick you up with no problem.”
“I guess..”
“Also, if you fall over in those boots at the party, I’m not helping you. We both know how light-weight you can be when it comes to alcohol.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna drink. Someone needs to drive us back home and I’m a hundred percent sure you and Pamela are gonna be drunk as hell.”
“Even if you’re not gonna drink, still bring an extra pair of shoes. Those will tire you out after half an hour of wearing them.”
“Can you help me find what backup shoes I’ll bring?”
“Of course.”
Isley looks at herself in Harleen’s mirror. The green dress she made for her accentuates her curves perfectly. The shoes match the color of the silver color near the slit and brings out her naturally bright red lips and hair. She still isn’t sure what hairstyle she’ll have, maybe bombshell curls or waterfall braids.
A few minutes later, Harleen enters the room with Jack following behind her. They stare at Pamela with wide-eyes, well, mostly Harley, Jack was more focused on his own reflection in the mirror.
“Do I look fat in this?” He asks.
“Wow, what a great way to start a conversation. Who the fuck told you that? You’re almost as thin as Scarecrow, and he’s a twig. Literally.”
“That’s what I said! I don’t know where he’s getting the idea that he’s fat from.”
“Do you think that’s the reason Bats doesn’t hate me?..” Jack whispers.
“Oh, sweetie, of course not. Now, I’m gonna get ready and put on my sparkly dress, and we’re gonna go to Wayne Manor and have the time of our lives, alright? You drink until you can’t tell colors from each other and I’ll just call an Uber.” Harleen takes Jack’s hands in her own, softly rubbing her thumb against the back of his palms.
“Drinking always helps you wash away your sadness. Plus, we can snatch a wine bottle for our next sleepover.” Pamela runs her hand across Jack’s back soothingly.
“I heard the bottles there cost hundreds of thousands of dollars..” Jack mumbles, trying to will away the tears in his eyes.
“Bruce Wayne is really rich, I’m sure he won’t mind if we take a few more than one.” Harley grins. “Now, give me five minutes to get dressed and then we can do each other’s makeup and hair.”
“Okay.” Jack smiles, matching Pamela and Harleen’s expressions.
Exactly five minutes later, not a second less or more, Harley walks out of the bathroom wearing a long, red and black dress with sequins. The bottom of the fabric just barely grazed the floor, shifting the sparkly, comically large sequins and emitting a loud noise that will definitely garner everyone’s attention the second they enter. Her dress didn’t really suit the dress code, actually, none of them suited the formal wear dress code, but when we’re they ever known to conform to the public?
About an hour or so later, the trio is ready to finally go to the party. Sure, they’ll arrive late but being fashionably late is their trademark. Once, they were late to their own bank heist. No one even understood how that worked, they just rolled with it.
Pamela and Harleen told Jack to bring extra pairs of shoes for all of them an extra pair of shoes in his purple handbag. Surprisingly, they fit. Harley assumed his bag was one of the bags that could fit anything and everything in it. She didn’t question it, as long as her shoes were safe.
Jack had volunteered to drive them to Wayne Manor, hoping that’ll be enough to convince them to not make him walk behind the car. While driving, Harleen and Pamela showed their love for each other in the backseats. After ten minutes, he decided to speak up.
He abruptly pressed his foot into the break pedal, causing at least three car crashes behind them but he could care less.
“Can you guys please stop sticking your tongues down each other’s throats for one car ride?” He asks, turning to face them.
“Ugh, fine, but only because my lipstick is probably ruined.” Pamela rolls her eyes.
“Thank you.” He goes back to driving, thankful the cops who pulled up to check the accidents out didn’t stop their vehicle.
When they arrived to the manor, Pamela and Harleen didn’t hesitate to get out of the car right when they passed by the front doors.
“Wait- guys? You can’t just leave me here to find parking by myself!” He yells, but the girls were already long gone. He groaned. What kind of rich-person party doesn’t have a valet?
About twenty minutes later he found a parking spot, he quickly took the spot before anyone else could, and took a photo to remember where he stopped. He then ran as fast as he could to the mansion, wanting to give Harley and Pamela a piece of his mind.
Jack looked right and left to make sure no cars were coming, then ran until he could see the lights of the manor again. He grinned, before suddenly tripping over something and falling face first into the concrete. Right, he had seven-inch boots on, he probably shouldn’t have been running.
“Ow..” He whimpers, pain flaring up in his jaw where he first hit the ground.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” A voice asks him. A metallic, bitter taste begins to flood Jack’s mouth as he continues to rub his chin. He didn’t bother to look at who was talking to him, already knowing it’s a self-centered gazillionare trying to look good for the papers.
“Yeah, I’m fine-“ Before he could finish, he coughed a few times, blood splattering onto the pavement under him. He falls on his hands and knees as coughs wrack his body and blood continues to stain the floor.
“No, you’re clearly not. You’re coughing blood.”
“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before-“ Jack clutches his stomach, more violent hacks leak out of him and he wheezes, struggling to get air into his lungs. A few seconds pass by before his coughs begin to fade into heavy inhales and sniffles. Tears from the lack of oxygen building up behind his eyes.
“Here, let me take you inside somewhere you can sit as the pain wears off. Your jaw is gonna ache for maybe another hour if I get you painkillers inside.” The man helps stabilize Jack until he can stand up without falling. He hadn’t realized his vision was blurry and had black spots until it faded away. “I’m Bruce Wayne. Who are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.” No way. My celebrity crush is helping me after I got hurt. Am I in a K-drama?
“Uh, I’m Jack. I’m new to the city.”
“Okay. Well, Jack, I know an entrance to the manor where we won’t have to interact with anyone. Can you walk?”
“Yeah, I didn’t hurt my legs that much.”
“Come on, then.” Bruce puts one of his hands on the back of Jack’s waist to help him walk. Jack could’ve sworn his heart skipped a beat right there.
Three minutes later, they’re in a dark room with dim lighting. Maybe it’s just Jack’s eyes adjusting to the fluorescent lights, though. Bruce had him sit down on a stool while he scrummaged through cabinets to find the painkillers.
“Yes! Found ‘em!” Bruce shakes the bottle, the pills rattle around. He brings the bottle over to Jack and takes out two, handing them to Jack and giving him a glass of water.
“Thanks.” He utters, before taking the pills and downing the water. Bruce sits down in the chair next to him. Intently watching the man swallow the pills. Jack stares at Bruce just as intense, finally getting to see the billionaire in real life. His features appear way more chiseled in person than in the articles and photos he’s seen him in.
“So, did you come with anyone?” Bruce asks.
“Yeah, my girl-bu.. best-friend and her girlfriend.”
“Third-wheeling? I know what it feels like.” Bruce places a hand on Jack’s shoulder. The latter’s cheeks burn hot and he hopes the playboy can’t tell.
“It’s not too bad, they rarely ever get too romantic. They usually do that alone. We’re more like a small friend group when we’re together.”
“You know, I’ve only known you for a few minutes, but you seem significantly less self-absorbed than most of the people here.” Bruce chuckles silently, a smile on his face.
“Well, I wouldn’t consider myself rich like everyone else here.”
“Oh? So how did you get an invite?” Oh shit. He probably shouldn’t have said that.
“My friend got to bring two other people with her, so she chose me and her girlfriend. They left me to park our car so they could go get alcohol. I was running inside to catch up with them, and then I bumped into you.” Bruce hums in acknowledgement.
“Well, now I’m intrigued by you, so would you care to have a drink with me?”
“Wow, straight to the point.” Jack chortles, lowering his head to stare at the floor in hopes Bruce can’t see the way his face is as red as a tomato. “But, um.. Yeah. I’d like that.”
“Great, come on, my butler can clean your cup.” Bruce grabs Jack’s free hand. “Leave it anywhere, I’m sure he’ll find it later.” Jack places the cup on the counter in front of them and tries to keep up with Bruce’s pace, almost tripping over his boots at least four times.
“What the- slow down! I have seven-inch heels for your information!” Jack shouts, getting the attention of the people they pass by on the way to the bar.
“Seven-inch?” Bruce asks, glancing down to Jack’s shoes. Eyes widening at sight of the large heels on his boots.
“Yeah. I have spare shoes in my bag but I don’t want to use them yet.”
“How short are you? You’re not even my height with the boots on.”
“I’m 5’6..” Jack mumbles.
“Dang, you’re really short. I’m 6’4.”
“Shut up!” Bruce chuckles.
“Are you sure those are comfy?” Bruce asks.
“Well.. no. But they match my outfit and are cute, so..” Jack trails off.
“You shouldn’t wear them if they aren’t comfortable.”
“That’s what my friend says, too.”
“You should listen to her.”
“She’s a psychiatrist. I don’t listen to people who think they know what’s best for me.”
“Oh, then you should definitely listen to her.” Jack giggles nervously.
“I know..”
“Oh! We’re here.” Bruce pulls out a high stool for Jack to sit on, he bows theatrically and jumps up to sit down. Bruce takes the seat next to him, and quickly orders two shots of tequila.
“Tequila? Already? And how will that mix with the painkillers you gave me?” Jack asks.
“Uh.. I dunno.”
“Whatever, I’ll just face the consequences.” Jack shrugs.
“Um, alright.” Bruce takes their glasses and hands one to Jack.
“I’m surprised there isn’t more people here.”
“Yeah, me, too. This place is usually packed at parties. There’s only around fifteen people here. Maybe because it’s only 10.”
Jack drinks out of his glass, before spotting Harleen and Pamela.
“Oh! Those are who I came with! My best-friend, Harleen, is the girl in the black and red and her girlfriend, Pamela, is the girl in green!” Jack points over to Harleen and Pamela, who wave excitedly. Bruce waves back, significantly less ecstatic.
“They look nice.”
“Yeah. Harleen made my and Pam’s outfits!” Jack exclaims. “Shes amazing at sewing and stuff. She made my suit and Pam’s dress in just one day! She also bought my boots and-“
“Woah, I meant they looked kind. I wasn’t talking about their outfits.” Jack frowns for a second, bright green doe eyes staring into Bruce’s. “But their outfits are nice, as well.” Jack’s smile reappears.
“Okay! Anyway, like I was saying…” Bruce completely stopped paying attention when Jack started rambling again. His big, green eyes were just so beautiful he couldn’t help but stare into them. Now that he thinks about it, Jack’s entire face is gorgeous. He has expressive eyebrows, beautiful, orange-ish eyelashes. Probably the longest Bruce has ever seen on someone, including women. Jack has unnaturally plush red lips that just look so kissable- wait, WHAT?
No, Bruce, you can’t be thinking like that! You just met him! He might be a villain undercover! He isn’t talking about his life at all, only about his interests. That’s odd.
“And where did you say you grew up?” Bruce asks, interrupting Jack’s rant about cantaloupes.
“Huh?..” Jack giggles. “I grew up here.”
“Oh, really? I thought you said you were new to Gotham?” Got him. Jack’s eyes begin to dart around the room in nervousness.
“I don’t think I said that..” He utters, finally able to maintain eye contact with Bruce. His brows are furrowed together in faux confusion and his mouth is turned upside down from where it used to be a happy smile. Now forming a frown.
“I could’ve sworn you did. Maybe I misheard you.” Why did I just let him off? Jack’s features relax for just a moment, before returning to their usual, overly-cartoonish expression.
“That was probably it.” Jack orders another round.
“Why are you separated from your friends?” Bruce asks, needing to fill the silence between them.
“I’ve been a bit of an inconvenience to them these past few weeks. I decided to give them a break. God knows I’m irritating to be around.” Jack looks down at his hands and smiles self-deprecatingly.
“You’re not irritating to be around. Not at all.”
“That’s kind of you, but I’ve been told by many people I’m annoying.”
“Then I guess I’ll be the first to tell you you’re not.” A light blush spreads on Jack’s cheeks, tinting them a shade of pink.
“T- thank you.” An awkward silence fills the air. Jack takes that time to order a couple more shots for himself.
“So..” Bruce starts, needing to fix the tension. “What do you do for a living?” He internally winces as the words come out of his mouth.
“Oh, I do nails.” Jack lies. Well, it was half true.
“You do?” Bruce asks.
“Yeah! I did these nails for myself. They’re not my best ones, but I didn’t have much time to do a design or add extensions.” Jack reaches his hand out for Bruce to inspect. He notes the lack of wedding ring on his fingers. “Do you want to see some photos of the nails I do?”
“Sure.” Jack opens his phone and opens his cameraroll, scrolling down to an album titled ‘Nails’ with a green and Purple Heart framing the word. He begins to show Bruce the dozens of nails he’s done.
“You’re very talented.”
“Thank you!”
“Can I see your phone for a second?” Jack unlocks his phone and hands it to Bruce with no hesitation. The latter quickly puts his number in Jack’s phone and names his contact ‘Bruce’. “Here.” He hands it back to him with no words.
“Thanks!” Jack smiles brightly, which gives Bruce a glimpse at unnaturally sharp teeth. He ignores them, internally scolding himself for letting his mind wander back to the Joker.
“You say ‘thank you’ a lot.”
“Huh?”
“You’ve said it at least four times since i’ve met you.”
“Well, I’m just grateful for what you’ve done.”
“I only gave you painkillers and led you inside.”
“And you complimented me. Many times.” Jack reminds him.
“Twice. Plus, people usually gloat when they get compliments.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not one of those people. Even if I was, I’d gloat in silence.” Bruce chuckles at that, before he gets hit by the overwhelming scent of tequila and cheap perfumes. He coughs, before adjusting to the smell.
“Hey Pam! Hey Harley!” Jack exclaims, waving his hands unnecessarily long amount of time.
“Hi Jack! We were talking about how we should go.” Jack’s face falls.
“What? But it’s barely- oh.” The ginger checks the time, only to see it’s already almost two in the morning.
“Yeah.. Most people already left. And by most, I mean basically everybody.”
“Wait, what? Why didn’t anyone say goodbye to me, then?” Bruce asks, furrowing his brows. Pamela shrugs.
“Uhh-uhh, they probably saw you two talking and decided not to interrupt.” Pamela takes a sip of the beer bottle she brought.
“Do you guys have a ride home?” All three of them shake their heads at the same time.
“It was supposed to be Jack, but I see he’s already pretty drunk.” Pamela explains.
“Lightweight?” Bruce directs to Jack, who groans before speaking.
“Lightweight.”
“Okay, well, then I guess you guys can stay here since everyone is gone already.”
“We can stay in Wayne Manor?!?!” Harleen and Jack gasp.
“Sure, follow me, you girls can share a room.”
Bruce leads them to the girls’ guest bedroom, he opens the door and they rush inside. He closes it and tells Jack to follow him to his own room. Right as he’s about to twist the door knob, he remembers his manners.
“Uh, do you want to sleep with me..?” Bruce asks.
“Sure. Woah, it’s spacious in here.”
“Yep, I need a place to workout.”
“You don’t have your own gym?”
“Yeah, but this is the second place I work out in.”
“Okay.” Jack gasps. “The bed!”
“What about it?”
“It’s so big and fluffy and warm and soft.” He rolls around and creates.. blanket-angels?
“Yep. Now, I’m gonna go change. Do you have any PJ’s?”
“No.”
“I should’ve expected that. Okay, I’ll get you some.” Bruce walks into his closet and comes out with two pairs of large pants, and two even larger T-shirts.
“Here. I’ll change in the bathroom.” Bruce hands Jack the clothes and goes to his bathroom. When he comes out, Jack is in the clothes, and Bruce can’t help but blush at the sight of the ginger. The shirt is oversized, and the collar hangs off of one of his shoulders, allowing Bruce to catch a large portion of Jack’s collarbone. The pants fit him pretty well at the waist, since there’s a drawstring on them, but they pile at the ground and drag across the floor when he walks.
“You look.. nice. I mean, you look cute- comfortable.”
“It really is. Also, I took my shoes off, so I’m like, really short now.” Bruce approaches Jack to the point where they’d be nose-to-nose, but the drastic height difference between them prevents them from doing so.
“God, you are really short. I have to look down to look at your face.”
“Shut up.”
“Where did you put your shoes?” Bruce asks.
“In my bag.” Jack turns and points to a sage purple handbag with lavender stripes.
“They fit in that?”
“Yeah. My bag is big from the inside.” Jack walk over and picks it up, he opens it before showing Bruce the inside.
“How does that even work?”
“I dunno. I have makeup wipes, bobby-pins, nail polish, hand sanitizer, perfume, Pamela’s extra shoes, Harleen’s extra shoes, my shoes, and my extra shoes.”
“Your bag is huge.”
“Yeah, and I got it for only, like, fifteen dollars.”
“Where did you get it from?”
“I dunno, somewhere near the Diamond District.” Jack puts his bag down and begins taking out orange bobby-pins from his hair. Bruce watches in silence as Jack’s curls begin to fluff out.
“Your hair is beautiful when it’s loose. It’s wavy and long.” Bruce grabs a strand of hair and twists it around his finger, enjoying the soft texture.
“Thanks, I was thinking of cutting it a few days ago, it’s already almost reaching my shoulders.”
“No, don’t cut it. It looks nice like this.” Bruce begins taking out the bobby-pins that Jack can’t reach.
“You think so?”
“Yeah.”
“Pam put all of these pins in my hair-“
“Shit, I forgot to give them their pajamas.”
“Meh, they’re probably already sleeping. Don’t stress about it.”
“Okay… That was the last one.” Bruce places the last pin on the end table.
“Ugh, my hair feels better already.” Jack leans backward and allows himself to fall onto the mattress. He wiggles around until his body is underneath the covers and turns so his back is facing Bruce. The latter gets in bed next to him and stares at his head of curls.
A few seconds later, Jack turns around. He opens his eyes and stares at Bruce through his eyelashes.
“Goodnight, Bruce.”
“Goodnight, Jack.” With that, Jack quickly falls asleep, Bruce following shortly after.