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INT. CLINIC – DAY
CUT TO HOUSE and WILSON, walking out of the clinic.
HOUSE
26-year-old male, sudden loss of the ability to speak --
WILSON
(Interrupting.) Just because you got out of clinic duty doesn’t mean everybody did.
HOUSE
-- to his father. Differential diagnosis?
WILSON
(Pauses.) Chase?
HOUSE
Dad swoops in, Chase swoops out.
WILSON
Dad say why he was here?
HOUSE
See? You asked. Dad comes 5000 miles and you’re more curious than Junior is. Can’t just be about the divorce. It’s been fifteen years and mom’s been dead for ten of them. You think Daddy murdered her?
WILSON
You want to get to the bottom of this, you’re doing it exactly right. Don’t talk to the people involved, drag your buddy away from work for some pointless speculation.
HOUSE
You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they’re going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.
WILSON
Even I don’t like you.
He walks off.
HOUSE
(Calling after him.) You know, words can hurt!
INT. HOUSE'S INNER OFFICE – AFTERNOON
CHASE is sitting on the edge of his chair, finger rythmically tapping against the bottom of his chin. He's alone.
HOUSE enters, knocking his cane against the glass door. Chase glances up and looks at him.
HOUSE
(Raising an eyebrow.)
What are you doing here?
CHASE doesn't reply at first. Then, he opens his mouth to speak.
CHASE
Hiding from my father.
HOUSE nods.
HOUSE
Which brings me to my question: your glaring daddy issues. Your relationship with your dad is messing with your ability to do your job. You breeze by him like he’s a Hare Krishna at the airport. You don’t even ask why he’s in town. Clearly, he must've done something to piss you off that much.
CHASE
...It’s probably a conference.
HOUSE
Probably. I was hoping to do this by sheer manipulation, but if you insist on talking, fine, talk.
HOUSE walks over to CHASE and puts his body weight on his cane. Craning his head down towards CHASE, he begins to speak.
HOUSE
What did he do to you?
CHASE
Since when do you care?
HOUSE
I find it interesting.
CHASE
(Exasperated.) Oh my god-- that's such bullshit. How would you feel if someone interfered in your personal life?
HOUSE
I'd hate it. That's why I very cleverly do not have a personal life. Which brings me to my next point -- the constant sucking up to me, laughing at all my jokes? Even Wilson doesn't do that.
CHASE rolls his eyes.
CHASE
That's because I genuinely find them funny.
HOUSE
Bullshit.
CHASE
So what are you insuinating? That because my father was an ass and I suck up to you, that means I'm your 'teacher's pet'? That I'm attracted to pseudo-parental-figures in my life?
HOUSE
Yes, exactly. Shove a kid into an attention, affection starved box for the most part of his life then throw him into the real world; and naturally the kid's going to look for the parents they never had in other people. Which is basically your situation.
CHASE
And what, you came here to make fun of me? Come to say my type's older women -- or men, because I look more feminine than most guys? Give it a break, House.
HOUSE
(Jabbing a finger.) No, I'm here to say that you like me.
CHASE
(Sputtering.) What--? That's ridiculous--
CHASE
(Incredulously.) I definitely don't. I don't even like you.
HOUSE
So what's all the sucking up for?
Chase grows quiet. His throat goes dry trying to search for a response.
CHASE
Wait-- why are you even telling me this?
HOUSE
I was going to offer to play into it. Stir up some drama. You know how Cameron gets jealous.
CHASE
Is this another one of your pranks?
HOUSE
Yes.
CHASE
Oh. In that case, I'm down.
HOUSE
So, it's a date?
CHASE
Yep. See you tomorrow noon.
EXT. CHASE'S APARTMENT – NOON
CUT TO HOUSE walking down the fifth story corridoor to his apartment. He bangs his cane against the door three times. It gets answered in twenty seconds, and CHASE is dressed casually, with a polo shirt and blue denim jeans to match. HOUSE smirks at him.
HOUSE
You ready, wombat?
CHASE
You bet. Where are we going?
HOUSE
Bowling.
CUT TO the bowling alley. HOUSE bowls his ball at the 3 pins that are left and hits 2 of them.
CHASE
Too much axis tilt.
House turns back to look at him.
CHASE
Don't release until your thumb's at the bottom of the ball.
Chase gets ready to bowl, he has a glove on one hand.
CHASE
So, what's the plan? You're gonna start playing favourites, see how long it takes for them to figure it out?
HOUSE
We make them jealous. Go a little more obvious-- and that includes all the sappy date shit. Taking pictures and whatever.
CHASE bowls a strike. Turns around and smiles at House.
CHASE
See? No axis tilt.
HOUSE
Got it. So, you going to help me, or what?
CHASE
Of course I will. Still, it was nice of you to invite me, this is quite fun.
HOUSE
...Sure it is.
(Pausing.)
Say cheese!
CHASE smiles at the camera just in time as the flash goes off-- and HOUSE is smiling as well-- and that's... truly a sight he's never seen before. Eighth wonder of the world, if you will.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
CUT TO the pair walking home at night, laughing and cracking jokes. CHASE's polo shirt has a few buttons undone and HOUSE's plain t-shirt has sweat stains on it. They pause when they get to HOUSE's front door.
CHASE
This was fun.
HOUSE
Agreed. We should do it again.
They seem to be drunk. Evidently.
CHASE
(Slurring, jokingly.) Hey-- want a kiss?
He giggles. HOUSE stares at him expectantly. Then they both lean in for a kiss. The moonlight from above shines on them gracefully.
THE END.