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Donghyun desired a lot of things.
Snakehead fish, Dongmin's hands, jelly gummies, his own aquarium, Dongmin's hands, Connie in his bed, his mother's homemade dwaeji-gukbap, Dongmin's hands again.
The point is, Donghyun desired a lot of things, some, might even call him greedy.
However, being awake at 1:21am the night before a concert was not one of these desires.
He’d always been the member that got the most excited before a concert. Performing was one of his favourite things to do, and knowing that he could share his love on stage with fans motivated him even more.
Unfortunately, this caused him to become restless every time a concert was happening. In a twisted, toxic love way, Donghyun also enjoyed this part about concerts. The part where his heart would beat so hard from excitement, it might just jump out of his chest. Nevertheless, performing on under three hours of sleep didn't sound like a good idea.
Even so, while that may not have been a good idea, Donghyun was always known for being creative and imaginative, and another idea made its way to his head quickly.
An idea containing Han Dongmin. His sweet, tall, cute boyfriend Han Dongmin. His Han Dongmin, whom he loved so much.
The two had recently begun dating during the production of their latest studio album. They had worked together easily, bouncing off each other's ideas, having fun along the way, and soon, their late-night studio sessions had turned into late-night make-out sessions, with their hands always finding their way under each other's shirts.
They had both acted like awkward teenagers at first, fumbling with the fabrics of their clothes and not knowing where to put their hands, taking moments to just catch their breaths. But, after a while, they started to become more comfortable. Like how Dongmin knew about that specific spot on Donghyun's waist that would make the other moan faintly when squeezed. Or how Donghyun knew that grabbing the hair on Dongmin's nape would make the other jerk his hips upwards.
And after multiple sessions of this, and one late night fuck that they both emphasised "Meant nothing!" the morning after, the final confession came when Dongmin saw Donghyun's lyrics for their track 'I Wonder, Always'.
Donghyun and Dongmin had both awkwardly entered the studio for their session which was planned a month prior. After waking up naked next to Dongmin two days ago, with the other having stated, "This meant nothing." Donghyun really thought about bailing and saying he was sick, but, to his utter distress, they did have a deadline. So disappointed-ly, that was not on the table.
Plus, maybe this could help them work through whatever was going on between them.
Donghyun had to admit, he was a bit too positive for thinking that.
Because neither of them had the courage to speak first.
Thus, they had both sat in complete silence for 3 hours. The only noise in the room being the typing on their laptops.
Donghyun couldn't take it anymore, he was an extrovert for crying out loud! He thrived on other people's energies and he bloomed during conversations! So, he broke the silence.
"How are these lyrics so far?" He asked, simple, short, and to the point.
Dongmin took a few seconds to read over the laptop screen, "It's good," he concluded.
Donghyun paused. Frustration building up. "Is that all you have to say?"
Dongmin glanced back at the other as if thinking of saying something, but settling for, "…It's great…?"
Donghyun scoffed. "You're a real piece of work Dongmin."
Now, it was Dongmin's turn to scoff. "What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry we both got caught up in a moment? That I shouldn't have fucked you in the ass?"
"When did I ever say I wanted to talk about that? I was asking you about the lyrics!" Donghyun exclaimed.
"Your eyes said it!"
"What does that even mean? They're my eyes Dongmin! I can't just rip them out if you want me to stop looking at you!"
"Your eyes just have, like, superpowers okay? You look at me like..." Dongmin pointed at the Donghyun's super-powered eyes. "Like that! It's disturbing! It's like you're saying you know everything!"
"How could I possibly know everything when you don't tell me anything?"
"You're being difficult." Dongmin stared.
"You're being an ass." Donghyun stared back.
Donghyun guessed his eyes must really have superpowers, because not even five seconds into looking at them, Dongmin broke.
"I…Look, okay, the lyrics, they're great. They're fantastic Donghyun. Everything about you is fucking fantastic, and I can't stop thinking about you, and it's ruining me." Dongmin paused, looking off to the side as he took a deep breath. "…I know I said that day meant nothing, but I lied. It meant everything. You mean everything. In fact, for the past 3 years of my life, you've meant everything to me. I think I've loved you for the past 3 years and I only just realised it and it's fucking terrifying. I don't understand how I'm meant to hide what I'm feeling when it's all I feel every minute of every day. And then you look at me like you can tell what I'm hiding and it's humiliating. I don't know how to go back to how we were before and I don't even know if I want to go back to that and every-time you look at me it reminds me of that night and...god...FUCK!" He exclaimed, palms running down his face, covering the fact that he was completely red.
"Donghyun, I literally can't stop thinking about you," he whispered behind his hands.
A beat of silence passed.
Donghyun finally spoke up, "That was…" He paused. "A lot."
They both sat in the quiet of the room, Dongmin trying to calm himself down, looking at his feet in the process, because apparently he truly thought Donghyun had great eye powers.
All while Donghyun had replayed each word the other man said, pondering about one particular part of Dongmin’s speech.
He opened his mouth, then paused. "…Did you figure out you loved me before or after you fucked my ass?"
Dongmin finally looked up, completely taken aback, meeting Donghyun’s eyes.
Only to find that the other was completely serious in his question.
He rubbed his temple in frustration. "Literally why would you even say that."
"Well, it's a valid concern…" Donghyun chirped.
Somehow, this man was genuinely serious.
"Yes Donghyun.” Dongmin stared at the other blankly. “I just confessed that I love you simply because I want an easy booty-call." He rolled his eyes.
"Good to know." Donghyun hummed.
A sudden silence fell between them again. Before Dongmin grabbed his hand, slowly intertwining their fingers.
"You…haven't given me an answer…" He mumbled, barely audible.
"Sorry?"
"I said you haven't given me an answer. You know. To me pouring my heart out to you."
Donghyun met Dongmin's eyes — full of uncertainty and insecurity at the thought of being rejected — he laughed.
"Dongmin, do you think I just let any guy take me under the covers? That I had 8 separate lip-sucking sessions with you just because I thought it was fun?"
"Well, a little, yeah. I thought you just hadn't gotten any in so long, you were settling for me."
Donghyun almost burst out laughing. "Dongmin, you're so stupid sometimes, it's cute."
He brought their intertwined fingers closer to his chest, resting them on his heart.
"Of course I love you. Do you think my heart beats this fast because it just feels like it?"
Donghyun met the other's eyes again — this time, full of hope and joy — before leaning in for what would be his first kiss with his boyfriend, Han Dongmin.
So yeah, Donghyun loved Dongmin. Maybe a little bit too much in his opinion. But his stupid heart has this stupid thing called stupid feelings so there wasn't really anything he could do.
So of course, Dongmin had to make up for the fact that he took over Donghyun's entire existence. Which meant, whenever Donghyun couldn't sleep, he would go to Dongmin. Usually, Dongmin was awake too, only finding himself productive in the late hours of the night. But Dongmin liked to be prepared for concerts, so he would always try to sleep early for their packed schedule the next day. Was Donghyun definitely going to annoy the other now if he came into Dongmin's room, asking for cuddles? Absolutely.
But what's a boyfriend for, if not to annoy?
So, Donghyun grabbed his phone and found himself in the complete darkness, quickly putting on a jacket and mismatched slippers, one of which must've been Woonhak's judging by the size. And quietly — after fumbling around for the doorknob for a good minute — opened the door of their dorm to leave. He could have made it easier for himself if he had turned on his phone's flashlight, but part of the fun of sneaking out was trying to do everything in the dark abyss of the night. He opted to take the stairs to hopefully tire himself out more, because even though he might've been going upstairs to annoy Dongmin for cuddles, he did want to get some sleep after successfully pestering the other.
Silently, he punched in the code for the upper dorm's door. Closing it behind him, replacing his mismatched outside slippers for the now matched, inside slippers he kept at the front door of a place that wasn't his.
Walking down the narrow hallway, he made sure to skip the shoe-rack that would sometimes stub his toe when he and Dongmin would rush into the dorm after date night, as well as stepping over the extension cord that travelled from the TV to the dining room that Woonhak would sometimes forget to unplug once he finished gaming. He had tripped over that one too many times while getting a midnight snack.
At last, he was met with his boyfriend's door.
Except, said door was already illuminated from the inside.
Was Dongmin awake? Or had he just forgotten to turn off the lights after being too tired from today's rehearsal?
Steadily, Donghyun opened the door, a slight creak being heard. However, when he looked inside, he was met with Dongmin's eyes staring right back at him.
"Jesus Christ, I thought you were a robber. Why wouldn't you knock?" Dongmin said, rather irritated and looking down at the bass in his hands that Donghyun had also just noticed.
"Sorry, I thought you would be asleep and I didn't want to wake you…"
"Wouldn't you wake me anyway when you climbed into my bed?" Dongmin questioned.
Donghyun paused. "Well, yeah, I guess," he answered.
Dongmin rolled his eyes. "Just come in," he sighed. "And shut the door."
Donghyun followed his instructions, then proceeded to find his way to the other's bed. Making himself comfortable, like he had many times before. Back against the wall, knees to his chest. It was a routine at this point. Dongmin watched as he got comfortable for a few seconds, before going back to his bass and practicing. His brows furrowed in concentration, and his lips in a small pout.
"What's made you so cranky?" Donghyun asked.
Dongmin's head snapped up from the strings on the bass, looking at his boyfriend directly.
"Cranky? I'm not cranky," he stated.
Donghyun just smiled in response. Because, contrary to popular belief, Dongmin didn't like confrontation.
Sure, sometimes he was blunt with his words and sometimes he could come off as harsh, but he never actually intended for that to happen. He was just a bit straightforward. Funnily enough, when it came to his own feelings, Dongmin was the worst at expressing his opinion.
In fact, back during pre-debut, you could sit in a room with Dongmin, and for a full 24 hours, he wouldn't utter a single word. Even after arguing, Dongmin wouldn't say anything, he would just suck it up. That's how much he disliked confrontation. Of course, he'd gotten better at expressing himself over the past three years, but, old habits die hard.
"Dongmin, I'm not mad or upset that you're cranky. I just want to know why," Donghyun stated.
"Well, I don't know why, okay? I'm just mad. Everything is irritating me. From the sound of the fan, to the fact that Paul McCartney himself can't just possess my body and play the bass for me!" Dongmin exclaimed.
"Am I irritating you?"
"A little bit, yeah.”
"Do you want me to leave?"
Dongmin paused, stopping his fidgeting with the strings of the bass, his jaw clenched. "…No."
Donghyun hummed.
They both went back to their separate tasks. Dongmin practicing bass, and Donghyun watching his boyfriend practice bass.
And after a few more minutes, Dongmin sighed, clearly irritated.
"I just don't think I'm ready. Can't I put off this concert until next year?" He complained.
"You are ready, you've been practicing for two weeks," Donghyun reasoned.
"Two weeks isn't nearly enough time to be perfect."
"There's never enough time to be perfect Dongmin, perfection doesn't exist."
And Dongmin really hated how logical his boyfriend could be sometimes.
"Can you stop countering me with logic and just support me in breaking down?" Dongmin snapped.
Donghyun laughed, there wasn't any real venom behind the words, as much as Dongmin tried to seem intimidating.
"Okay, okay, continue practicing. I'll just record you from the bed like the good, supportive boyfriend I am." He smiled, all 28 of his teeth on full display.
"Thank you." Dongmin huffed.
Thus, by 2am, Donghyun's camera roll had completely filled up with photos of his boyfriend playing bass. Some photos were normal, like Dongmin playing the same chord six times to "Get the feel for it!" as he said. And others, were more personal, candid, close-up shots of his boyfriend's hands when his veins started to become a bit too prominent for Donghyun to just ignore.
Donghyun sighed, sorting through his now full camera roll. "You know, you look really good like this…"
"Like what? Sleep-deprived, angry, and stressed?" Dongmin chuckled, a bit less tense than before, still strumming the same string he had been for the past eight minutes.
"Like you're finally comfortable."
Dongmin paused. He finally looked up from his bass to meet the other man’s eyes.
"I'm…sorry for lashing out at you earlier."
"You didn't lash out at me though?"
"I had an attitude Donghyun, don't lie."
"You had an attitude." Donghyun smiled. "But, you playing the bass was so hot…I think you're allowed a little bit of an attitude. What do they call it again? A rock-star mentality?" He laughed.
Dongmin felt his heart swell with affection. Never in his life had he seen someone with a smile as bright as Donghyun's. Especially a very tired, half-asleep, unguarded Donghyun.
"Still," he continued, never taking his eyes off the other. "I'm sorry."
Donghyun hummed. "For what it's worth, I already forgave you."
Dongmin chuckled, ultimately unplugging the bass and putting it down in his case, before climbing into his bed with his boyfriend.
Donghyun accepted the man with open arms, positioning himself into the other man's lap before pecking the his mouth, something Dongmin returned in full force by grabbing Donghyun's hips to position them chest to chest.
What started as small pecks slowly morphed into Dongmin's hands under Donghyun's shirt, touching every part of the other he could, and Donghyun's hand in Dongmin's hair, pushing their mouths closer and closer together until their atoms were basically combined into molecules.
Dongmin licked the inside of his boyfriend's mouth, causing Donghyun to slightly moan at the contact. His hands tightened their grip against the other's hair.
After 5 minutes, they had calmed down a bit. Dongmin's exploring hands now resting on Donghyun's ass, fondling and squeezing when Donghyun would pull his hair in the way he knew Dongmin liked to reposition their mouths.
And then, after 5 more minutes like that, Donghyun pulled Dongmin's mouth away from his, much to the other's dismay.
The man chuckled at his sulking boyfriend, as he loosened his grip on the other's hair and began to slowly brush his hands through. "Dongmin, you know I love you so much, but sex the night before a concert doesn't sound like the smartest idea."
"I know." Dongmin sighed.
He stopped his hands from feeling up his lover even more, opting to rest his head against Donghyun’s shoulder instead. "And as much as I want to be inside you, I also think I'm way too sleep-deprived and stressed to even get it up right now."
Donghyun laughed. "Oh, that's also true." He slowly lifted his boyfriend's face up from his shoulder to look at him.
Dongmin's pout was in full force, and somehow, the dark circles under his eyes emphasised his sulking even more.
'Ah, seriously, isn't this man just way too cute?' Donghyun thought, smiling to himself as he peppered his boyfriend with kisses, starting from his forehead making his way down to his lips.
Dongmin completely surrendered to the attack he was receiving, much too tired to fight back. And well, he did love getting kissed by Donghyun.
"You." A kiss to the cheek. "Are." A kiss to the eyelid. "So." A kiss to the jaw. "Cute." And finally, a kiss to the lips.
By the time Donghyun was done showering the other in praise, Dongmin was completely overwhelmed.
"Ah…Please, Donghyun, I get it…It's enough," His pleas fell on deaf ears.
"No. It's never enough Dongmin." He had begun prodding his boyfriend's cheeks, forming a deformed smile, and then frown, on the other's face.
Dongmin took his boyfriend's hands away from his cheeks before they could do anymore damage, forcing them up in the air. Donghyun, who never really cared much for how people touched him, let himself be positioned as Dongmin began maneuvering them to lay down.
Their final position consisted of Dongmin on Donghyun's chest, listening to the other's heartbeat, while Donghyun's hands found their way to Dongmin's hair, playing with it as he pleased.
Donghyun hummed at their newfound situation. "Aren't you gonna turn the light off?"
"Well, I don't wanna get up, do you?"
"No."
"Then I guess the light stays on."
"What about the electricity bill?"
"Don't worry about it. I have a rock-star mentality, remember?"
Donghyun burst out laughing. "What rock-star can't go to sleep unless he's cuddled by his boyfriend?"
Dongmin gasped. "A lot, for your information! It's actually written in the rock star code of conduct. I'll lend it to you sometime. Great read, really."
Donghyun yawned, his eyes eventually calming. "I can't imagine how a book about rules would be a great read."
"Donghyun, we talked about this, what happened to just supporting me instead of fighting me with logic?"
Donghyun let out one final giggle at his boyfriend's antics. "Sorry, let me support you like a good boyfriend by instead cuddling you to sleep."
Dongmin hummed, restlessness gone, and finally settled in against his boyfriend's warm side.
It was 3:11am when Sungho woke up to pee. He'd been drinking his fair share of tea and water to help his vocal cords in preparation for the concert and this had caused his bladder to work overtime for the past few weeks, waking up at ungodly hours to pee was nothing new.
What also wasn't new was Dongmin's bedroom light being on and peeking out from underneath his door. Dongmin was usually a night owl, often only surrendering to sleep at times like 3am, or 4am. Unlike other members — Jaehyun — who knocked out like a light at the first sign of their bed.
Usually, Sungho was fine with this. Dongmin was a grown man and knew his limitations. Sungho didn't want to parent anyone and Dongmin didn't want to be parented. Even so, seeing as this was the night before their concert, he couldn't let it slide.
Sungho sighed, preparing not to nag the other, but rather, try to sternly tell him to go to the fuck to bed, because being sleep-deprived during an opening concert wasn't a fate he wished upon even his worst enemy.
He opened the door, fully expecting to find a nocturnal Dongmin awake and meeting his eyes, however, instead, he was met with not just Dongmin, but Donghyun too, both fast asleep.
Curled up in each other's arms.
Sungho quickly ran back to his room to grab his phone, making sure his every step was quiet so as to not wake up the lovebirds. Taking his final step at the entrance of Dongmin's door again, he snapped two photos of the pair, one, to send to the couple as a cute moment they could save in their photos, and another, where he was making a peace sign in front of the camera. That one would be sent to the group chat as blackmail material.
He glanced over the photos again, making sure everything looked perfect, before softly turning off the light and closing the door.
Now, he could finally go pee and maybe, after that, he could take inspiration from the couple he had just witnessed and find himself in another member's arms too.