Archive of Our Own

“Okay, can you explain it to me again? This time like Ryland would to his students?”

That was met with a judgemental silence on Rocky’s part, which Grace had come to know very well over the last eight years. He stepped around the corner to see Simon standing in the door, Rocky stood outside, in front of him. Simon is leaning against the frame with his right arm propped up slightly above his head. The muscles of his upper arm are flexed, straining against the fabric of his black shirt. Grace's eyes involuntarily pause there for a second before he quickly averts them, cheeks heating up. Though looking at Simon’s face isn’t any better Hearing Grace approach, he turns his head slightly to look at him. There is a softness to it that comes from only recently waking up, strands of his dark hair having slipped out of the hairband, framing his face. Despite his annoyed tone, his frown melts into a smile as he looks at Grace. He looks so different from the man they’d found almost two years ago, barely clinging to life, traumatised and scared but so determined to survive, to get better. He looks… at peace, somehow. It always feels like a punch in the gut to see him like that.

“Good morning”, Grace greets, returning the smile, while he is unconsciously pulling his sticky t-shirt away from his body, trying to get at least a little bit of air circulation going.

“Hey”, Simon answers, voice still raspy from sleep, sending shivers down Grace’s spine. It is still pretty early. What were they all doing up and about? And what was Rocky doing here at that hour? Sure, the Eridians had a different circadian rhythm, but usually he respected the fake day and night cycle Grace had instructed them to set up.

He steps up to them, looking back and forth between Simon and Rocky. “What’s the problem? What are you doing here this early, Rock?”

“It’s hot.”

“Yeah I know.” It’s why Grace had woken up in the first place, even though according to his watch, he didn’t have to be up for another two hours. But sleeping had been getting uncomfortable, so he had wiggled partially out of his blanket hoping to cool himself down. It had only given him temporary relief before he was feeling all sweaty again. After rolling around for a few more minutes he had given up and decided to take a cold shower. He’d then seen that Simon’s bed was empty and had heard voices from the main room, which had him skip on his shower and walk over here instead.

“No, that’s the problem. There’s some cooling issue?” Simon tries to explain before shooting a disgruntled look at Rocky. “I don’t really understand, because someone here is refusing to explain it to me like a normal human being would.”

Grace suppresses the urge to make the obvious statement that Rocky isn’t a normal human being because… Right. This isn’t earth. There is no weather. It isn’t supposed to get hot all of a sudden. Heat waves don’t exist on Erid. Or at least not in Grace’s biodome. He suddenly feels a sort of panic rise up in him that he hasn’t felt in some time. Not long enough ago though to not be painfully familiar with it.

“Oh… oh God that..th…Are…”, he sputters. “Are we…” gonna die from this?

“Grace heartbeat too fast”, Rocky remarks, concerned and unhelpfully. As if Grace doesn’t know that himself. He tries his best to concentrate on his breathing, to keep his head calm in case there was something he needed to do. Then he suddenly feels a warm hand wrap around his wrist and squeeze gently, connecting him back with the present. At the same time a heavy weight settles against his leg, further grounding him. His heartbeat begins to slow down.

“Grace, Simon save! No fear. Rocky fix soon”, Rocky chirps and Simon nods.

“We’re not gonna die”, Simon says in a calm, steady voice, reading Grace’s thoughts. “We’re just gonna be uncomfortable for a little while, from what I’m getting.”

While both of them had more than enough experience in being confronted with their possible impending death, Simon met this fear with a depressing sort of apathy. A silent acceptance. Like there was no use in fighting anymore. It regularly broke Grace’s heart to think about it, but he supposed that it was better that at least one of them could manage to stay calm.

He looks down at his wrist, the slight contrast in their skintones, feeling the soft pressure and takes a deep breath. He then puts his free hand on top of Rocky to reassure him that everything was okay. The Eridian affectionately raises his carapace to meet Grace’s hand, almost snuggling up against it. “Okay. What is not working?”

“Biodome temperature regulated with cooling system”, Rocky answered. “Cooling system broken. Not totally broken, but not working how it should be. Registers wrong temperature. Normally temperature at 21°C, optimal temperature for human survival. Now temperature at 34°C. Not good for humans but not fatal. Regulation defect, not cooling system.”

“So the thermostat is broken?”, Grace asks, to clarify. Because that sounded… manageable? Inconvenient yes, but he’d grown up in California, he could handle the heat.

“Oh so you can tell it in a way that everyone understands!”, Simon exclaims next to him, he had let go of Grace to push the sweaty strands of hair out of his face.

“Simon not let Rocky finish talking.”

Simon’s eyes widen. “Excuse me?” He turns towards Grace. “He’s been talking about some kind of circuit backfiring and ‘actual value’ and setpoints and what not. I think the words ‘boiling blood’ were uttered once and you sure as hell know that that’s not something I’m comfortable talking about!”

“Not Rocky’s fault Simon not know what thermostat is.”

“Oy listen here you li…”

Grace holds his hands up, successfully stopping both of them from getting too much into it. They could argue for hours if he let them, without ever coming to any real conclusion. It wasn’t much different from how his students tended to behave from time to time. Both human and Eridian. Though these were grown men/genderless aliens. They should know better.

“Okay. What do we do now? How long will it take to fix this? It is fixable right? Should we relocate to the Hail Mary in the meantime? Do you need our help with anything? I’ll… have to cancel class but…”

“Rocky will fix yes. Or maintenance team will fix, but Rocky tell them to do so. Do not know how long it will take. Not long. Grace can go work while we fix.”

Grace nodds along. “Okay. You sure you won’t need any help from us?”

“No, we can handle”, Rocky answers. “Eridians much smarter than humans. Don’t need help. Just need enough water. Can go swimming. Will be like summer on earth.”

Grace lets out a small chuckle. It probably wouldn’t be like summer and more like living in a giant sauna, but he doesn’t want to worry Rocky. Simon was right, they wouldn’t die from it, just be a little uncomfortable and they could both handle that. They’d been through worse. And this would probably be over by the time he finished class today.

“So it probably won’t take more than a few hours right?”, Grace tries to confirm.

“More or less.”

 

***

 

As it turned out it was more rather than less. Class had been… chaotic to say the least. The pebbles quickly realised that their already pretty leaky alien teacher was extra leaky today and began to ask questions which then lead to a discussion of the human body, followed by a discussion of the climate on earth which then lead to an unproportional interest in the concept of seasons. All the while Grace was chugging lots of water and trying not to think too much about the disgusting feeling of his shirt sticking to his body absolutely everywhere. He’d dismissed class early, but stayed behind to clean up all the things he’d picked up and tinkered around with after he had completely abandoned his actual lesson plans.

He’d picked up a sheet of paper and folded it into an improvised fan which didn’t really do much, considering that the heat wasn’t coming from the sun, but that the very air was just generally hot. It was a weird and also unsettling feeling to not be able to escape it through the usual matters of shadows or electric fans.
Grace pushes a few papers on his desk around, assembles a model of the Eridani solar system anew and then leans back against the table to watch his finished work, lingering about. It was a new, rather unwelcome habit. He felt stupid doing it. Like he was scared to go home. But it isn’t fear that keeps him from going straight back home, not really, but it isn’t much different either. It isn’t fear of Simon or of them being together but rather of himself. Of the stuff he had started to feel recently. Or rather, he had realised what he had been feeling for quite some time.

Discovering another human in the vast endlessness of space had been scary at first, then frightening when they thought he wouldn’t make it, then exciting when they knew he would survive. Then it was… many things, good and bad, as Simon’s body and mind healed and Grace did his best to help him through it. And then for a long time Grace was just happy. It was easy to become friends, easy to be around each other. Often they would laugh about the sheer absurdity of meeting the only other human in space (after being catapulted into another universe in Simon’s case) and it being someone who filled a space into their life they didn’t even know had been empty. But then again Grace had already experienced something similar with Rocky. If anything, it made him believe in fate even more.

They had fallen into an easy rhythm and then Grace had fallen into something else. And then things got complicated.

He plopped down into his chair and let out a deep sigh. Why did he have to be like that? His entire life he’d been pretty good on his own. Sure, he had dated people but he’d never really been interested in those people. It had felt more like an obligation, like he needed to date to conform to societal norms. None of them had caused him to mess up his words when they smiled, or have his heart skip a beat just because he looked at them. He hadn’t missed them just because they were in another room, his fingers tingling to touch and he certainly had never blacked out in class thinking about them, to the point where his students got concerned that he was about to pass out.

In the beginning Grace had attributed these things to the fact that Simon was simply there. Caused by years of physical isolation, that had left him wanting to be around someone. But somehow he knew that it wasn’t just that Simon was someone. It was because Simon was Simon and Grace liked him. Like liked, as his students back on earth would have put it.

Now the problem isn’t that these were all new things to Grace, though it isn’t helping either. The problem was that he absolutely could not mess this up. Being the only humans within a dozen lightyears and inhabiting the only livable space within this same distance meant that they were stuck with each other forever. Which could be a very long time if one of them (Grace) managed to make things very weird. Sure, if worse came to worse Adrian could probably build another habitat or at least another house so they didn’t need to be all up in each other’s space all the time, but that would mean being alone again. And not only does Grace not want to be on his own again, he also doesn’t want to be at fault for Simon to be alone again.

So, the only logical solution is to swallow his feelings down and try his best not to make things awkward. Surely those feelings would go away eventually… right?

He groans into his sweaty hands, why can’t he just keep his feelings platonic? He had managed for the first thirty years of his life… why did things have to get complicated now?

Grace stands back up and grabs his stuff from the desk. He should really head back, he doesn’t want it to become obvious that he was stalling. He also had to contact Rocky to ask how things were going. Also, Simon knows when school is supposed to end and Grace never takes more than half an hour to finish everything up. He picks up his insulated water bottle, takes another swig and empties the rest of it over his head, hoping that the condensation would at least keep him cool, before he makes his way back to the house.

 

***

 

Opening the door, Grace is relieved that it is at least a little bit cooler in the house. Though not by much. The xenonite walls must insulate the place to some degree. Just enough so that you could feel the difference between the inside and outside. There is a slight breeze coming from somewhere, which feels incredibly nice. Music is playing over the intercom, which isn’t unusual. Simon has become a little obsessed with the art and culture stored away on Grace’s laptop, all things he hasn’t known in his old life. So more often than not, did Grace find him watching a movie or reading when he got home. Recently he had taken a liking to 2000s rock and pop punk, which was the playlist currently running.

“Hey, I’m back!”, Grace calls out as he deposits his stuff on the dining table. He can hear Simon rummaging around somewhere inside the house and decides to go look for him, maybe take a detour to the bedroom and find a shirt that isn’t sticky. He only gets a few steps far, before Simon comes stumbling down the stairs, his arms full with stuff.

“The water is warm! Warm, Ryland”, Simon exclaims without a hello. He is carrying damp towels to God knows where. “Water’s not supposed to be hot! At least not fucking ocean water. Isn’t it enough that everything else is hot? ‘Go swimming’ he says haha, I bet that was meant as a prank.” He walks over to the living room and Grace follows him, not really catching up to what’s going on. The heat has probably started to melt his brain. Simon’s still rambling, not really paying attention to Grace. Now he’s talking about some… screws? Grace feels like he missed an entire part of the story there. “... at least he offered to help, so I guess that’s that. Probably couldn’t have done it alone and it’s not like it’s much, but at least it’s something. So…yeah.”

Grace had quickly learned that talking was Simon’s way to cope with stuff he couldn’t control. It had been the first thing he’d realised after the man had become stable enough to leave the medical isolation room the Eridians had built out of parts of the Hail Mary. It is endlessly endearing to Grace, or normally is, but today… well he is a bit too distracted. He hasn’t realised it before, but now that Simon has dropped the towels he just couldn’t stop noticing. It took all of his concentration to not openly stare at Simon, who had apparently at one point decided to ditch his shirt and now stands before him in nothing but his underwear. Causing Grace to momentarily forget how to breathe, talk or access basic cognitive functions. That was a lot of tanned skin there, a lot of exposed muscles. Oh god, so many muscles… Grace felt his fingers twitch. Also where those his boxers?

Shit dangely dang. He really had to get himself together, but he just couldn’t stop staring. Realistically, he’d known what lay beneath those tight shirts Simon tended to wear, he’d seen his arms, felt his body against his as the hugged. And in the beginning, before Simon got his xenonite arm, when he was too weak to do anything alone, he’d seen more too. Grace had helped him shower and dress, had cleaned his wounds and changed his bandages. But that was… medical… necessary. Done carefully, without much regard to anything but not hurting Simon. To help him feel better. Now, things were different. Now he saw Simon as a man. A very attractive man. A man who he had a teeny tiny crush on.

Theoretically, he also knew that Simon liked to work out in the morning while Grace was at school. To have something to do, to regulate his thoughts and to help his body to get and stay healthy.

But apparently none of that had prepared him for actually seeing it. Cool. Cool cool cool. He was totally cool about this. Especially about those tighs and pecks. Super mega cool…

“Are you hearing what I’m saying?” Simon's voice disrupts his thoughts. He looks at Grace with a puzzled look, towels on the floor in front of him, arms still raised in mid air from gesturing around.

“Mhm”, Grace squeals, trying and failing to compose himself. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was an adult man, he could handle another man being shirtless. Even one who looked like that… (so much about not making it weird). Was it getting harder to breathe in this heat? “Water. Warm. Yeah.” It made sense that the thermostat would also control the temperature of the water. Though they’ve had issues with that one before.

Simon shakes his head. “Yeah, but… you weren’t listening”, he then all but whines, before taking a step towards Grace, reaching out to grab his arm. Then he suddenly stopped and tilts his head, his eyes scanning over Grace's face and upper body. “You’re wet.”

“What?” Grace feels heat rise up into his cheeks and immediately gets more embarrassed. He looks down at himself. It had been a totally innocent statement, why did he have to make it weird? Again…

When he looks up again, Simon is suddenly in front of him, causing Grace to let out a small gasp and hold his breath as Simon reaches out towards him. For one short moment, Grace expects him to cup his cheek, curl another hand around his waist. Draw him close until their noses brush and kiss him…mhhmmm nooo. Nope. What the helly???

He feels the heat rush to his cheeks as his imagination runs wild. It takes everything in him not to startle Simon and jump back. Because of course Simon doesn’t do that. Instead, he just takes a wet strand of Grace’s hair between two of his fingers. Doesn’t even touch his skin.

“Oh”, Grace sputters. “Yeah I… I emptied my water bottle over my head. To try and cool down, you know.”

“I see”, Simon answers. Then nods towards the back of the house and grins. “I got something better.”

Before Grace can say anything, Simon has grabbed his hand and pulled him along. He only stops when they stand in front of what looks like a giant industrial fan. In the corner of their living room.

Right. Grace had thought there was a breeze coming from somewhere. But that isn’t what he had expected. It is turning relatively slow, which was not much but indeed better than nothing.

“Holy moly… how?”, Grace starts, unsure what he wants to ask first.

“We got it from the ship, I think it was used to distribute clean air?”, Simon explains. “Was Rocky’s idea, since this whole heat situation might be continuing for a little while. He wanted to build something but that would take too long. So we just hijacked this thing. Cool, right?”

It’s almost cool enough to forget that Simon was still holding his hand. Or that he was half naked.

Almost.

 

***

 

Simon had been right. The next day, the heat is still very much a problem. Grace tries his best to concentrate during class but the lessons were even more chaotic than the day before and he dismissed class early again. Rocky didn’t have any good news for him either. They were still trying to fix the thermostat, which Grace just couldn’t understand to be that difficult. But he didn’t say anything of course, endlessly thankful for everything his best friend and a team of Erid’s smartest and brightest had done to allow him to live a life this far from earth. If they said they needed time, he’d give them time, even if he was privately a little bitter about it. Even if sweat was running down his back 24/7.

When he arrived home, Simon was nowhere to be found inside the house and there was a short moment in which Grace started to panic. He hadn’t realised how used he’d become to having someone around. He’d been so alone and then… then he’d gotten a best friend, a family, a roommate, hell he hadn’t thought it possible to have a crush on earth let alone after all he went through in space. Yet here he was now.

He thought he’d gotten used to being alone but now that he had more than he’d ever imagined, he was scared to lose it all again. He knew it was stupid and he was basically never alone, Simon was almost always there and Rocky came to visit everyday. Sometimes he’d bring Adrian or the kids or other Eridian friends. He always had someone to talk to, someone who’d listen.

So yeah, Grace just wasn’t used to being all on his own anymore. Which is why he feels maybe a little uneasy when he comes home to an empty house. It is stupid, really, he knows that Simon couldn’t have gone far, but he still misses him. There is a note on the table telling Grace that he’d gone to his monthly check-up appointment with the Eridian medical team and that he’d be back soon.

So, Grace puts his teaching stuff away and switches on some music to drown out the silence. He should probably also eat something but the heat is killing his appetite, so he just dissolves a packet of tasteless cloned vitamins in a glass of water and swallows it in one go.

Normally, in the afternoons, Grace either works on different projects with a diverse set of Eridian scientists, which makes Rocky jealous most of the time, or hangs out with his little family. Recently he had taken up a new project though. About a month ago Rocky’s team of engineers had shown him plans for a probe they’d been working on which was supposed to last all the way to earth. They were hoping to set up a communication network, exchange information, and tell them that Grace was still alive. At first he’d been hesitant. Earth had taken everything from him and he didn’t owe anyone anything anymore. Even if it had turned out for the better and he was probably happier now than he had been before being shot into space. The people he had once cared about wouldn’t probably never live long enough to see these files anyways. Rocky and Simon had both been excited about it, which was part of the reason why he had eventually agreed to do it. The other part was the joy of talking about all the stuff he found out since living on Erid. And maybe a small part of it was the human connection that it simulated and which was in his biology to long for, despite having Simon and his Eridian family.

So eventually they had decided that Grace would record a series of vlogs in which he would retell the last six years, talk about his life on Erid, the planet and its inhabitants, his scientific findings. He’d started with his retelling of their journey, everything that had happened since he’d sent the Beetles on their way. It wasn’t always easy to talk about these things, so on days where things were a little harder, like today, he would just talk about whatever. Something funny that happened during class, his and Rocky’s trip to the Eridian mines, what Simon had been up to in the greenhouse. Easy stuff. Happy stuff. So the videos had quickly evolved from a systematic, structured account to something like a diary vlog. And he wasn’t above admitting that there was fun in doing it this way.

Simon returns when Grace is just done with setting up and has started the first recording.

“... so yeah, we’re having a bit of a heat wave right now. Can’t say I expected to ever experience…”

“Ryland?” Simon’s voice is soft as to not startle or interrupt him. It manages to send the teeniest tinies shiver down Grace’s spine.

He looks up to greet Simon. Oh. Right. He is still half naked. Grace can almost immediately feel the heat rise to his cheeks.

“H…heyyy.”

He looks into the camera. He can cut this out later…

Simon smiles as he walks into the kitchen. There are little colourful stone pearls braided into his hair, which tells Grace that he’d spend the morning with the kids. “This heat fucking sucks”, Simon groans and slumps into the chair opposite him. “I can’t even sit still without feeling like I’m melting. I can’t work out, I can’t go for a run and my skin is so disgustingly sticky. It’s not like there’s any more layers of clothes I can lose to help with this. I sure hope Rocky can get this sorted soon.” When he looks up he asks: “What are you doing?”

“Making a video for the Earth files”, he explains and nods towards the camera. He can see his face on the little screen in the corner. His cheeks are a deep red again. He watches as Simon walks up behind him, his broad, naked chest in full view. Yeah… he’s definitely gonna cut this part out.

Simon leans over his shoulder, their faces next to each other. “Hello earth”, Simon says and smiles into the camera, giving a little wave. God, he looks so beautiful when he smiles. He claps both hands on Grace’s shoulders, squeezing them as he stands up. “Did you eat already?”

Grace can only shake his head, trying to regain his bearings. “Wasn’t hungry.”

“You still need to eat, Ryland”, Simon scolds. “We talked about this.”

Grace frowns but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll make us something.”

“Okay”, Grace mumbles.

Grace watches as Simon walks around the table towards the kitchen. He feels a beat of sweat run down his neck. Yeah, no. This isn’t going away anytime soon. Grace suppresses the urge to scream. Instead he tries to pick up where he’d stopped with the blog before Simon has come in. Very unsuccessfully so.

While he talks, his attention slips away and towards Simon several times and he finds himself watching the other man cook. He is humming to himself as he works. It isn’t a song Grace recognizes and he wonders if Simon had made the melody up or picked it up from one of the Eridians. From time to time a strand of hair would slip out of his short pony tail and he’d absentmindedly push it behind his ear. With the shirt he’d also taken off the beaded necklace which Rocky had made for him out of little colourful stones. He normally never took it off since gifting jewelry was an Eridian custom to welcome someone into their family. It has and still does mean a lot to Simon, despite him and Rocky constantly bickering. But Grace understands, he’d had taken his own bracelet off as well, bothered by it further irritating his sweaty skin. Still, his right hand traces over his wrist where it usually sits. The lack of the cool stones under his fingertips rips him back into the present and he quickly focuses his attention back towards his screen.

Holy guacamole, he is down bad. He probably should talk to Rocky about this. Let it all out before he explodes. And maybe the Eridian would have some advice for him. Rocky usually has good advice and Grace trusts him with everything else, so why shouldn’t he trust him with his stupid feelings?

The video logs don’t hold his attention for long. All it takes is a muttered curse from Simon and Grace’s eyes are back on him. He is currently leaning over the counter, his left arm propped up in front of him.

After using it for almost a year, the xenonite arm has become a part of Simon and when he is wearing a long armed shirt one could almost forget that it wasn’t real. In the beginning it had been hard for him to get used to it after first adapting to having no arm at all. It had taken a lot of practice, but Grace knew that it helped him to feel like his old self again. Less broken he had once said, which had led to a passionate discussion about how disabilities didn’t mean that you were broken. Though Grace could understand how the kind of society Simon came from would teach you that. His gaze wanders over the arm with its intricate markings and goes towards Simon’s shoulder. His whole body is scattered with endless scars, which Grace now traces with his eyes. They look like starmaps to him and sometimes he finds himself wanting to trace them with his fingers. He knows that Simon sometimes hates looking at himself, but to Grace they are just as beautiful as the rest of him. A testament to his strength, proof that he is alive. Grace has unconsciously leaned his head into his propped up hand as he watches him like a lovesick school-girl. This needs to stop for goodness sake. He is a… actually he doesn’t really know how old he is but he sure as heck isn’t a teenager. Even though the look of those muscles made him for the first time understand what that was supposed to feel like. He is suddenly feeling hot all over. And it has nothing to do with the actual heat.

“Ryland?”

…

“Ryland!”

Grace flinches. “What?”

Simon laughs. “Food’s ready. What were you staring at?”

Shoot.

“N…nothing. I was just zoned out. Thinking. I guess”, he explains half-heartedly. Simon raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. He can tell though that Simon doesn’t fully believe him.

Grace stops the recording and pushes his chair back. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom real quick, then we can eat.”

He gets up and walks around the table. As he does so he stretches his upper body out after having sat hunched over for so long. Today he has chosen to wear one of Ilyukinha’s old skirts, the flowy fabric feeling much nicer around his legs in this heat than his own pants. The fabric had ridden up as he’d crossed and uncrossed his legs several times. He rearranges the flowery skirt now. As he does so, he can feel Simon’s eyes on him.

Simon’s gaze travels down his body and a smirk plays on his hips, he cocks his eyebrows up as he grins at Grace. “Nice legs”, he remarks.

“Ah…thanks?”, Grace squeaks and quickly darts into the bathroom to once again splash his face with cold water.

What the frick was that??

 

***

 

That evening Grace stays up long after Simon has already gone to sleep, sprawled out on top of his duvet, still only in boxers. Grace glances over towards him from where he’d been leaning against the headboard. How Simon could sleep in this heat is beyond him. The giant fan which they carried up the stairs before going to bed, helps of course, but it still isn’t enough. So Grace stays awake and watches as Simon sleeps.

The light of the artificial moon colours his skin in an eerie silver. Grace reaches out and brushes a strand of hair behind Simon’s ear. It’s soft and a little damp with sweat. Grace lets out a deep sigh as he softly trails his fingers over Simon’s skin, hoping and praying that he won’t wake up.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there like that. Eventually he abandons the hope of falling asleep and pulls his laptop up, propping himself against the headboard. He puts his headphones in so as to not wake Simon up and puts on the videos he’s filmed this afternoon. What he sees is making his heart beat faster. It’s so much worse than he thought.

It begins normally enough with him explaining the whole heat situation and changes completely once Simon walks in. His entire face lights up upon looking at him. He can barely string a coherent sentence together anymore. Grace’s plan of not making things awkward seems to be going as terrible as humanly possible. What he sees is himself, completely smitten as he’s staring at Simon the entire fricking time. His eyes are literally sparkling. He’s never seen himself look like that and it scares him. But he also sees Simon smiling at him when he walks into the picture, sees the gentle touches and how he tenses up. Sees the confused, maybe even hurt look that passes over Simon’s face upon that. It’s gone as soon as it appeared and Grace wouldn’t have noticed it if it weren’t for the video, but now he realises that Simon hadn’t touched him again after that. Oh no. He needs to do something. He’s been trying so hard to keep his feelings from destroying their relationship but apparently he’d been doing a terrible job at that.

In the end Grace just can’t take it anymore and shuts the laptop close. He gets out of bed and sneaks downstairs. He’d already typed up a message to Rocky on the laptop, asking to meet him outside. He finally needs to talk about all of this with someone.

“Hello Grace!” Rocky exclaims excitedly as Grace walks up to him on the beach. “Is Grace okay? Human sleeping time now. Grace knows Grace more stupid without sleep.”

“I know, bud”, Grace says, chuckling. “Let’s walk a bit, yeah?” Saver to get out of hearing distance from the house. Last he checked Simon was fast asleep but who knew.

“Grace sounding sad”, Rocky says after barely taking a few steps.

“I guess, yeah”, he answers. He doesn’t know why he’s beating around the bush so much. There’s no secrets between him and Rocky whatsoever. He can tell him. “I’m… I have a little bit of a problem.”

“Okay! Tell Rocky then Rocky can fix.”

“It’s not something you can fix. It’s something I have to do myself. But… maybe you can help.”

Rocky wiggles his whole body and Grace can’t tell if it’s in anger or impatience. Grace stops walking and plops down in the sand, just far enough from the water that it won’t touch his bare feet.

“I… I like Simon”, he says out loud after a few minutes. For the first time ever.

“Okay”, Rocky answers. “Rocky like Simon too.” He wiggles again. “Grace not tell Simon Rocky said that!”

Grace laughs. He’ll never understand their relationship. The closest he comes to it is thinking of them as siblings. “No, Rocky, not like that. Like… like like. Like you like Adrian.”

Rocky lets out a long series of high pitched noises at that. “Grace want Simon to be mate!”

“No! I mean… yeah? Kind of?”, he tries to correct but doesn’t even really know why he’s doing it. At least Rocky now understands the situation.

“Then Grace tell Simon!”

“No. That’s the problem. I can’t do that.”

“Why, question” Rocky tilts his whole carapace. Grace knows that this isn’t a thing Eridians do and that he has adopted that from him tilting his head in confusion. What a weird beautiful thing to have an Alien mimic human habits. He is sure there are some things he has picked up from Rocky as well. But now is not the time for that!

“I don’t know if Simon feels the same way. Probably not. And it’s just gonna make things weird if I tell him and he doesn’t feel the same. It’s not like we have the option to never see each other again if things go weirdly. And even… I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose him.”

“Grace need ask Simon then. Can not know otherwise.”

Grace huffs out a laugh. “I wish it was that easy.”

“Is that easy!”

He shakes his head and buries his face in his hands, pushing his glasses up his forehead. He sighs. “I don’t want him to… feel pressured or that things will change. What if he gets mad? What if he… I don’t know. I just don’t want to feel bad all the time if things don’t work out well.”

He feels Rocky lean against him, trying to comfort him. “But Grace already sad.”

“Yeah. I guess I am.”

“And Simon not going to be mad. Simon very kind.”

Grace laughs. “You suddenly have so many nice things to say about him.”

“Always have nice things to say about Simon. Just not to his face!”, Rocky exclaims, outraged at having to state something so obvious apparently. They sit together in silence for a bit.

Then Grace says, “So you think I should just tell him how I feel?”

“Communication very important for relationships.”

“But what if he…” He trails off, scared to even say it. Which is also stupid. It’s not that he even had any hope at all that Simon could return his feelings.

“Of course Simon like Grace! Everyone like Grace!”, Rocky exclaims, once again enraged. “Stupid not to love Grace.”

“Love’s a big word, Rocky”, Grace answers as his heart skips a beat at the word. It’s something he hadn’t dared to think about. Even less than the chance of Simon somehow liking him back. He’d never been in love before. Like ever. A crush is already more than he could handle, so he’d quickly pushed those thoughts away.

“Not big. Normal word. Rocky love Grace!”

Grace laughs. “I love you too, buddy.”

“Rocky sure Simon loves Grace too. Grace just need to talk to Simon.”

He should’ve known that this would be Rocky’s advice. And it wasn’t bad advice. Rocky was right. Things would just spiral from here if he doesn’t do something soon. It is already bad enough as it is. It is a hard reality to confront, but there is no going back. He has these feelings and they probably won't go away anytime soon. Or ever, if he kept spending every day with Simon and if Simon kept being his perfect, beautiful self.

“I will, Rocky. Thank you for listening to me.”

“Of course.”

“Walk me back to the house?”

Before they part ways at the front door, Rocky knocks against his legs again. “Grace talk to Simon. No longer be sad.”

He nods. “I will.”

 

***

 

He doesn’t talk to Simon. At least not the following day.

Another morning goes by without any change to the smoldering heat. Grace has barely slept, after his talk with Rocky, constantly rolling around, too hot to rest, and is now in a bit of a sour mood. He’s called Rocky over the intercom they had installed in the house, while he’d been sipping on some water. It was too hot for coffee, which only contributed to dampening his mood. As it turned out, years in space and several near death experiences could hold nothing against a caffeine addiction built up by working in academia.

“Almost”, is the vague answer he gets from his best friend upon asking if there is any progress in fixing the cooling system. “They found problem. Only need to solve.”

“Okay. If it takes longer we might need to relocate to the Hail Mary after all, it’s getting a bit hard to… well do anything really”, he answers, sounding defeated as he rubs a hand against his sweaty forehead. He should probably take a shower, even though it will only last minutes before he’d start sweating again.

“Not much longer, no need to relocate”, Rocky answered. “Grace not feeling sick right, question.”

“No, bud, I’m fine”, Grace answers, fully knowing that Rocky would move heaven and earth to end this within the next hour if he’d tell him he wasn’t feeling well. But there is no need to stress Rocky out, who in return would only stress out the maintenance team even more. And it isn’t a lie. He is fine. Mostly. Just hot. And bothered by his almost naked roommate. Who walks into the living room just in time. But Rocky can do no more to fix that than listen, and that he already did. Grace hopes that his red cheeks will only be attributed to the heat and not the state of his emotions. Simon steps up next to him, eyes barely open as he throws one arm around Grace’s waist and drops his head against his shoulder, causing Grace to tense up. There is a very naked chest pressed against his back once again. It seems that Simon hadn’t read anything into his behaviour from yesterday after all. Thank God.

“Morning”, Simon mumbles against his neck, his breath tickling the already sensitive skin.

“M…mo…morning.”

There is a short static noise over the intercom and then, hesitantly. “Simon also not sick, question.”

Simon groans, the vibrations of which make Grace shiver. His chest is constricting and his pulse quickens. This is torture. Just straight up torture. He clears his throat, fingers tightening around his glass.

“Simon is also good.”

There is another pause. “Good. Rocky glad. Glad, glad, glad. Will work hard to fix.”

“You better”, Simon mumbles and his breath ghosts over Grace’s sensitive skin.

 

***

 

“Ryland?”

“Who else could it be”, Grace mutters, instantly regretting it. The heat is making him rather snappy today. Or maybe it is just the continuous sight of Simon’s naked torso which is getting more and more aggravating with each day. Or the pressure of having to talk to Simon before Rocky gets impatient with him and brings it up himself pushing down on him. Or the fact that Simon is lying on the couch with three tiny, sleeping pebbles on his very naked chest. They have curled up against him and he has one arm protectively wrapped around them.

Grace feels like he’s about to cry. It might have been the cutest thing he’s ever seen, if it wasn’t for Simon’s nakedness. Oh Gosh, this is too much. These are children. Rocky’s children. Grace’s self-proclaimed god-children. He swallows down the several inappropriate, stupid thoughts that flood his mind.

“Hey”, he stage-whispers, even though he knows that the kids won’t wake up from him talking at a normal volume. Old habits and such… “I thought today was your day off.”

It’s been a little over a year since they’d hatched. The outcome of Rocky and Adrian being reunited after many years apart. Rocky has told him that they had older children that lived scattered across the planet and actually were done having pebbles before Rocky went to space. So, the three of them had come as a surprise. Grace had joked that they were those late babies that people often had after the husbands returned from war, but neither Rocky and Adrian nor Simon had understood him. No matter what, they were a true blessing. Especially for Simon, who had loved them the second Adrian had first placed them in his arms. Within a week he’d somehow managed to become their babysitter three times a week while Adrian and Rocky were at work. The pebbles truly love their uncle Simon, which had played a major part in his healing journey. In hindsight that might have been the moment when things had started to change. When Grace had started to admit to himself that he might have developed a crush on the other man. While they did have long and complicated Eridian names, which Grace could almost understand by now, they also had been given Earthen names as a convenience for both of their human uncles.

Blue had been the first to hatch, earning their name due to their deep navy blue colour, followed by Hana only a few hours later, who looked like a carbon copy of Rocky, only that they had tiny golden sparks all over their small carapace. Which Grace had to tell several Eridians looked very, very pretty. Every time Rocky beamed with pride. Riley had been the youngest, needing a bit more time, hatching about a week after his siblings. A sandy colour and very little for their age, they were a lot calmer and shier than their siblings. They were also Simon’s favourite, which he’d never say out loud, but was very obvious to everyone. Even now, the little one wasn’t cuddled up next to their siblings on Simon’s chest, but had tucked themself away in the crook of Simon’s neck, one of his hands curled protectively around the small body. He was absentmindedly stroking the tiny exosuit.

“Adrian brought them over because they’re off to work and Rocky’s needed to solve this whole heat problem and someone needed to watch them during their nap”, Simon explains.

“Aren’t they making you feel even hotter?” Their tiny exosuits regulate the temperature pretty well but are still warm to the touch, a bit like a hot water bottle. Grace didn’t want to imagine how uncomfortable it must feel.

Simon only shrugs, making Grace feel all soft. Oh God. This is even worse than the heat.

“It’s actually not too bad in front of the fan”, he nods towards his and Rocky’s unstable construction, which they had carried downstairs again. A few pieces had broken off and Simon had spent the reminder of the morning fixing it again. “Chasing them around the beach earlier was really exhausting though. I thought I’d collapse from getting too hot.”

Grace smiled, of course Simon wouldn’t be able to say no to them, even at the risk of his own health. For a moment the adorableness of the situation has been enough to distract him, then Simon stretches out his neck, making the muscles of his arm and chest bulge and Grace has momentarily forgotten about the kids again. He feels his cheeks heat up even more and has to take a deep breath. Of course, this doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you okay?”, Simon asks. “You don’t look so well.”

Grace quickly shakes his head. Maybe a bit too vehemently as his vision begins to blur for a moment. “No… I mean… I should probably get something to drink. Bit exhausted…”

He quickly vanishes into the kitchen before Simon could say or ask anything else. There, Grace quickly shucks down a glass of water, before splashing his face and neck, willing his skin to go back to its normal colour. “Get it together, Ryland, come on”, he mumbles to himself, hands under the running water. “You’re making things weird again.”

He takes another deep breath before filling up his glass again and then a second one for Simon. He can do this. He can behave normally.

When he returns to the living room, Simon is still wiggling his upper body around, clearly uncomfortable. Grace puts the glass of water down onto the table in front of him. “Are you okay?”

Simon nods, then flinches as he overstretches his neck. “Maybe not. I… I think I pulled a muscle when we were playing earlier and not moving for two hours hasn’t exactly helped”, he admits. “Could you…” He nods towards the pebbles, motioning for Grace to pick the two older pebbles up.

Yeah, he could do that, he could touch Simon’s bare chest to pick the pebbles up. Nothing weird with that. What a totally normal thing to do. He puts the second glass of water down and steps around the side table. As he reaches out for Blue and Hana, he can see that his hands are shaking. He quickly takes a hold of first Hana then Blue, making sure he doesn’t touch Simon while doing so and holds them in his arms while Simon sits up on the couch. He’s making room for Grace to put the pebbles down next to him. They’ve grown quite heavy since Grace had last held them. They were no bigger than a honey dew melon but probably weighed as much as a grown German Shepherd. He can’t imagine how uncomfortable Simon had been with three of them on top of him. But he also knew that Simon didn’t have the heart to deny the kids anything.

Grace sits down next to them and Simon places Riley in his lap before he stands up. His hand instantly moves to his left shoulder as he massages the muscle where his skin meets the xenonite. “Fuuck”, he groans which evokes a response in Grace he hadn’t thought possible. He feels a bit like drowning in his own saliva. He quickly swallows and crosses his legs.

Simon pinches his eyebrows. “I need to remove my arm. It gets itchy in the heat and strains the muscles more than usual. And the xenonite maintains heat pretty well… which fucking sucks.”

Grace knew that it wasn’t a perfect design yet. Simon usually took it off to sleep and couldn’t wear it in the shower. Grace needed to help him put it on in the mornings, which he knew Simon hated because he didn’t like to be dependent on someone. He at least could take it off himself, through pressing a few switches.

“Maybe we can talk to Rocky about adding some kind of harness so that the strain isn’t only on one shoulder”, Grace suggests as he puts Riley next to their siblings.

Simon just nods as he groans again. Gosh. He walks over to the stairs and up to the bedroom. Grace looks after him. Rocky’s words from last night are ringing in his ears. He really needs to talk to Simon or find a way to get over it. It’s getting really hard to control. He could barely hide his feelings and thoughts, but if his body started to betray him now as well, things could get difficult.

He stops staring at the staircase and instead watches the three pebbles. Their naps usually take about two to three earth hours according to Rocky, so they should probably wake up soon. Depending on how much Simon had powered them out earlier.

Ten minutes later, Simon comes back down, one arm down. In his right hand he’s carrying a small jar. It’s a paste made with a teeny tiny dose of a stingy Eridian plant that warmed up the muscles and helped relieve pain. It tickled on the fingers, so one had to be quick with applying it, which is why Grace usually helps him with it. Simon holds it out to him before he sits down on the couch again. “Could you… please?”, his cheeks are flushed, which makes Grace wonder. Normally he doesn’t even ask for help, just throws Grace the jar. It’s not like him to be nervous about this. Grace on the other hand has many reasons to feel nervous. For example the fact that he’ll have to not only touch Simon’s bare skin but actually massage it to rub the lotion in. He could do that. He had done that. Totally normal. Totally platonic. No reason to make things weird. There was absolutely no reason why he should be taking extra long to open the jar, trying to gather his bearings.

Simon turns around so that he has his back and shoulder angled towards Grace. His head is tilted down and loose strands of hair are covering half of his face from Grace’s eyes. His lips are slightly parted. Why is he noticing that now? He pokes his fingers into the paste a bit too quickly, getting bits of it all over his pants and hands. “Sh…”

“Everything okay?”, Simon asks, craning his neck to look at Grace.

“Mhm”, Grace mumbles. “Everything’s alright, turn back around.”

He gingerly puts one hand on Simon’s back and spreads the paste between his fingers before generously applying it on Simon’s upper arm, shoulder and upper back. The familiar tickling of the paste numbes his fingers, which kind of helped with the whole touching thing. Not with the entire half nakedness thing. He can do that. He softly brushes Simon’s hair out of the way so that it doesn’t stick to the paste. He probably should’ve put it in a bun first, but it is what it is now.

Simon’s skin is soft and warm under his fingers, a little uneven where muscle tissue disrupts the skin. He used to softly apply lotion to them when his wounds were still healing, hoping that they wouldn’t heal too roughly. That the scars wouldn’t hurt. Oh what different times that had been. Now, Grace focuses on the tingly feeling in his fingers and presses into Simon’s skin with his thumb. He can do that. He begins next to Simon’s spine and works his way up towards his shoulders. Simon lets out small sighs from time to time. Grace can feel him relax more and more under his fingers as the tension leaves his muscles.

“Better?” Grace asks as he adjusts his fingers, digging into the muscle on top of Simon’s shoulder where the main strain seems to be.

“Ye…hmmm.” Simon’s answer turns into a drawn out moan and he pulls his head back, exposing his throat. Grace bites his bottom lip so hard that he can taste the iron tang of blood. He maybe accidentally applies a bit too much pressure. Which only causes Simon to let out another moan. “Yess…theeere.”

Did Grace say he could do that? Because he absolutely couldn’t. His cheeks are burning as he keeps on digging his fingertips into Simon’s skin, only concentrating on mechanically working his way along his shoulder, while he very unsuccessfully tries to tune out the noises Simon keeps on making.

Luckily he is saved from completely losing his mind.

“Uncle Grace, question”, a small voice pipes up behind him only seconds before a surprisingly heavy weight smashes into his back. It is almost immediately joined by another voice. “Uncle Grace, uncle Grace!”

Grace turns halfway to the pebbles, catching Blue in his lap before they can tumble to the floor in excitement while Hana tries to climb his back. He quickly closes the jar and puts it on the table before one of the pebbles can knock it over.

“Uncle Simon hurt, question?”, adds a third voice now from under Simon’s hand, accompanied by a series of worried chirps. Riley pushes themselves against Simon’s hand in a way that reminds Grace a lot of Rocky when he’s worried.

Simon softly pats their little suit. “A little. It’s nothing serious, buddy. You don’t have to worry.”

“Uncle Grace take care of uncle Simon!”, Blue exclaims, trying to reassure their sibling.

Simon shoots Grace a soft little smile that has Grace’s heartbeat stumble. “Yeah, Uncle Grace is taking care of me.”

 

***

 

On the fourth day Grace wakes up already mad. He once again had barely slept. The heat had gotten so bad that Simon had decided to sleep on the couch. To avoid their shared bodyheat he’d said but somehow it had still made Grace angry. Not at Simon. But at the situation. Or maybe at himself. Had he made things so weird that Simon didn’t want to sleep next to him anymore? He probably should be happy, it was in a way easier to not have Simon so close to him. But the truth was that he missed him. He missed how easy it was before, misses his touch, spending time together. Misses not overthinking every single move. And he hates that it will never go back. He hates that the one time in his life he develops romantic feelings for someone it’s going to ruin his entire life.

Something is wrong with Simon as well. The heat has probably gotten to him. The first two days he’d still been yapping about, complaining about the situation, now he’d gotten very silent. He was mostly just staring about, lost in thoughts. Yesterday after the kids had left, he’d taken his book and tugged himself away in a corner of the bedroom. He hadn’t said a single word to Grace since then. It was almost like those first few months when he hadn’t talked at all, mostly delirious with pain or overcome with anxiety. Now Grace didn’t know how to handle it. He was treading even more carefully than before and it only made him feel more miserable.

There was no school today and normally he’d spend the day with Rocky, but his best friend was busy. Apparently they had almost solved the heating problem and needed Rocky’s help with the last few steps. It was the only silver lining in his day, that it would probably be the last day they had to suffer through these temperatures. When he told Simon had much he had just grunted non-committedly. Grace had sighed and left the house, deciding to check if the water was at least cold by now (it wasn’t). He sat there for hours, staring at the waves lapping over the sand. The grains were normal-sized by now and he ran his fingers through it. It normally helped to calm him down. It didn’t do so today. He knew that the only thing that could change his situation was to talk to Simon and then live with the consequences. It can’t be much worse than it is now, can it?

He eventually returns to the house. Only because his legs are getting numb. The temperature is still up, though the fog is back which Grace needed to ask Rocky about. It’s somehow making the heat worse. Partly because the humidity is making Simon’s hair curl into soft waves which made him look even prettier.

It’s better inside the house. Simon is still sitting in the chair next to the window where Grace had left him. The book he’d been reading is now in his lap as he stares out the window. He has his head propped up onto his right hand and looks to be deep in thought. Grace debates going to him, maybe he should talk to him now. To get it over with. Like pulling off a bandaid. He quickly decides against it. Simon isn’t in a good mood and he should really tell Rocky about the fog. He’ll wait till the temperature is normal and they have both calmed down from this experience. So he halts in the living room entrance and walks back into the kitchen to call Rocky over the intercom. When he tells Rocky about the fog he’s greeted with excited chirping.

“Good, good good. Everything working great. Almost back to normal.”

“Yeah? Oh that’s perfect! Please tell everyone thank you from us. That’s really great.”

“Rocky will do. Glad Grace Simon doing better soon. Rocky will come visit when done here.”

“Alright buddy, I’ll see you later.” Grace bids him goodbye and switches off the intercom when there’s suddenly a hand on his shoulder. He lets out a very undignified yelp and jumps away from Simon.

“Sorry”, the other man mumbles, taking a step back himself. “I called out your name but you didn’t hear me.”

Grace is pressing a hand to his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. “No I’m sorry I… Rocky said they’ve almost fixed the thermostat. Probably only a few hours now, then we’ll be back to the regular temperature.”

Simon nods. “That’s good.”

He’s avoiding direct eye contact, but Grace barely notices, himself trying to look anywhere but Simon’s big brown eyes, naked chest, wavy hair or any of the other things about him that are keeping Grace awake every night. He clears his throat. “I’m gonna make something to eat, do you…” He trails off.

Simon shakes his head. “ ‘m not hungry.”

Grace nods. So this was how things were going to be now. Normally when Simon fell back into these kinds of moods, Grace would do anything to help him out of it. He’d never accept it. But right now it took everything in him to keep himself together. He is hurting Simon and he is hurting himself and if he lets control slip even for one second he’ll probably burst out into tears.

He feels like a bow strung to its limit, one touch and he’d snap. And so it comes that when Simon brushes against him as he reaches for a plate, he flinches back from him as if he’d been burned. The motion is quick and uncoordinated. But it is not Grace who snaps then. It is Simon.

“Okay”, he says, voice steady and a little louder than it needs to be. “This stops now.”

Grace turns around. “W…what?”

Simon is right there, only a few inches in front of him, the kitchen counter is against his back and there’s nowhere left for him to run. Simon takes a step forward. He blocks Grace’s only other exit by propping his hands against the counter.

“What is your problem?”, he asks. His voice sounds impossibly deep, almost menacingly and a bunch of emotions are battling for dominance inside Grace as that. How can one person possibly be so sad, angry, anxious and aroused at the same time?

“What?”, Grace can only repeat. Every coherent thought has gone out of the window, his heart beating so fast, he feels like it’s about to pop right out of his chest.

His breath hitches as Simon leans in even closer, his body being caged in between the counter and Simon’s arms. The heat he is feeling now has nothing to do with any failing temperature regulation. “What is your problem?”, Simon hisses again, each word overarticulated. He is so close that Grace can feel his breath against his own lips. Which only worsens the feeling in his gut. Oh God, oh God, oh God. His naked upper body is so close. He’s also so angry with him. He…

“I…I…I don’t… nothing”, he stutters out. His face must’ve been the colour of ripe tomatoes.

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid, Ryland”, Simon growls, anger and hurt flashing over his face. “I heard you talk to Rocky the other night about how you needed to tell me something, now fucking tell me. You’re avoiding me. Physically, mentally. However, else you can avoid the person. You’re acting weird around me and I’ve been breaking my head over all the things I could have done that caused you to act like that.”

“I can explain”, he mumbles, trying to keep himself from looking at Simon’s lips.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how you stay longer at school everyday. Because I do and I miss you and it feels odd not having you around. And even if you’re here you don’t spend time with me. And you don’t touch me anymore or tense up when I touch you. Even before touching became uncomfortably sticky. I… I don’t know what I did that made you feel this way but… please tell me because it is killing me not to know.”

Oh fuck.

“I… I… you did nothing wrong”, Grace stutters. How had he ruined things so badly? He knew he hadn’t imagined that look on Simon’s face in the video.

“I did something!”, Simon yells out in frustration.

Grace shakes his head. His eyes are now stinging with tears. Regret and sadness are the only emotions left within him. “It’s not your fault.”

“What isn’t my fault?”

The sigh that Grace lets out sounds suspiciously wet. Great. Now he is crying. “That I’m hurting”, he gasps, truthfully.

The words unlock something in Simon. It’s as if the entire fight has gone out of him. His shoulders slump and he stumbles a step back. His arms hanging at his side motionlessly.

“I hurt you?”

“Simon”, Grace gasps, but the other man simply shakes his head.

“I hurt you.”

For a moment he stares on the ground between them. Then:

“I… I need to leave”, Simon mumbles. He takes another step back and then he’s out of the door, before Grace can gather himself enough to stop him. Gosh, how bad could a conversation go?

Grace lets out a frustrated cry and runs outside, after him, the rain soaking through his clothes instantly. “Simon, wait!”

The… wait… rain? Grace startles to a stop almost at the same spot as Simon, bumping into his back. He is so shocked that for a moment he completely forgets what had happened in the kitchen.

“Is it… raining?” It was most certainly raining. Gloriously so. Cool and refreshing rain, landing all over Grace’s heated skin. But how was it raining?

Simon turns around towards him, there is a shimmer in his eyes, as he looks at Grace with something akin to child-like wonder. He too seems to have forgotten what they had been doing before it had magically started to rain. “This is what rain feels like?”, he asks, completely astonished. He’d seen it in movies before, but never truly experienced it. He holds his hands out as if trying to catch each droplet in his palms. Grace stares at him in amazement.

“Simon”, he says again, pulling the man’s attention back towards him. He needs to do this now. Despite the rain, no matter how hard it is to ignore the sheer impossibility of it. Before courage leaves him. Before Simon continues to think that he’s done anything wrong. “Simon, listen to me.”

But Simon isn’t listening, he’s staring at Grace as the rain drops run down their faces, catching in their hair and plastering it to their foreheads. Simon’s eyes are sparkling with child-like wonder and joy. Their argument really seems to be completely forgotten.

Grace has never seen him look like that and it hits him like a freight train to the chest. He loves him. God, he loves Simon. He doesn’t only have a crush on him. Over a thousand little moments, all culminating in this one, he freaking went and fell in love with the only person within lightyears. And suddenly it’s all not so scary.

“Simon”, he says again. “I’m sorry…”

The other man is giving him a puzzled look, still holding his hands up to catch the droplets.

Grace starts laughing as all the tension seeps out of him. He takes a hold of Simon’s wrists, pulling his hands down. Suddenly the happiness vanishes from Simon’s face and is replaced by guilt as he comes back into the moment and meets Grace’s eyes. “I hurt you”, he whispers again.

“No!”, Grace quickly says, tightening his grip around Simon, scared that he will run away again before Grace can explain himself. The rain drops intermix with the tears on his cheeks. “Simon, you didn’t hurt me. You could never hurt me. I… it’s my fault.”

Simon frowns. “What is your fault?”

“Everything”, Grace sighs. “I have been avoiding you because being around you is… it’s a lot for me and sometimes I can’t bear it. No… not… don’t misunderstand me please. I like to be around you too much and I don’t want to do things you won’t be comfortable with. I don’t touch you because every touch is not enough. I flinch when you touch me because the only other option would be to lean into it more. You’re all I think about all the time and the closer I am to you the harder it gets to keep these thoughts to myself and you don’t deserve things to be complicated. You deserve an easy, peaceful life and I hate myself for the fact that I’m about to ruin it. For making things complicated. I stay longer at school because I don’t trust myself to be around you without making things weird between us, but it seems like I still managed to do that.”

“What are you saying?”, Simon asks, his head tilted forward as he glances up at Grace. His lips are slightly parted in expectation. While Grace had been talking he’d pulled his arms up and managed to entangle their fingers together. Grace’s heart is beating faster and faster. He feels like he’s about to throw up. But he’s done the first step, now he just needs to cross the finish line. And live with the consequences. He takes a deep breath.

“I like you, Simon”, he admits, pushing the words out before he can change his mind. “Like more than a friend. More than I should. And I understand that these aren’t the best circumstances to fall in love with someone. And I really don’t want it to destroy our friendship but I also can’t keep pretending like it isn’t there. I promise I’ll find a way to not make this work. Things don’t have to change.”

“Ryland…”

“You… you don’t owe me anything and I don’t expect anything. I just needed to get this off my chest, because I need you to know that you never could do anything to hurt me. I brought this entirely on myself.”

“Shut up”, Simon whispers but Grace shakes his head.

“No, you need to understand that I…hmpf.”

The words are stolen out of his mouth as Simon presses his lips to Grace’s, warm and soft and a little wet from the rain. It’s fast and imperfect and over before Grace has time to process what the frick is happening.

“I said shut up”, Simon all but growls and just… kisses him again, dragging Grace closer, one hand in his shirt, the other in his neck. Grace gasps as Simon’s tongue flicks against his lips, granting him entry as sparks ignite behind his eyes. They’re kissing. Oh my God. They’re kissing. Simon is kissing him. Holy fucking shit.

With an heroic effort, he eventually manages to lean back, only for Simon to let out a tiny soft whine that has Grace leaning right back in again. Why did he want to stop that again?

“W…hmm. Wait”, he eventually manages, leaning back, pressing his hands against Simon’s chest to keep a little space between them. It’s also about then that he realises that Simon is still shirtless. Grace completely forgets what he wanted to say. Luckily Simon seems to be more able to form a coherent thought.

“I like you, too. More than a friend”, he says, voice hoarse with emotion.

“Really? You’re not just saying that to..”, Grace gasps out. Frick, he’s crying again. Simon reaches out, taking Grace’s face in between his two hands. He brushes the tears from his cheeks with his thumbs. It’s a lost effort, considering how the rain is still pattering down on them. He does it anyway.

“Really”, Simon says with a soft smile. He’s been smiling more and more but never before like this. Like he is filled with so much happiness that there’s no space left for anything else. “You…I… I’m not good with words, but I want you to know that I’ve never felt like this before. It took me some time to realise that the feelings I had for you weren’t just based on friendship and gratefulness. That it is special that you’re the first thing I think about once I wake up, that I miss you when you’re not around even if it is for just a few minutes, that I’m jealous about every second you spend with someone else. That in my deepest, darkest hours I think that it was all worth it just to meet you.”

Great, now Grace is full on wailing.

“It’s not”, he says, shaking his head. “You only deserve good things. You should’ve never gone through any of this, you didn’t…”

“Ryland”, Simon mumbles. “I have good things now. Better things when I ever believed to be possible. It was worth it, believe me.”

“Okay”, Grace sniffs.

“Okay.” Simon presses their foreheads together.

“Why did you never say anything?”

Simon sighs. “I have a lifetime of experience in keeping my emotions to myself. I could’ve kept this a secret forever if it meant I wouldn’t lose you.”

Grace breathes out shakingly, moving his hands up to brush the soaking wet hair out of Simon’s face. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same. I’m… I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Stop”, Simon interrupts him. “If you could have, we wouldn’t be doing this.”

He leans in again, capturing Grace’s lips in a kiss. Soft, gentle, barely a suggestion.

“If you could have, you wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with.”

Another kiss. Even gentler this time. Agonisingly so.

Grace isn’t as patient, he pushes his hands deeper into Simon’s hair and deepens the kiss, pushing it further, closer, until they are one and the same.

 

***

 

“Why Grace Simon pressing mouthholes together, question. Disgust!"

“Mhmpf…what the fuck?”

They jump apart. Or at least try to, because Simon’s hands are still gripping onto Grace’s shirt and Grace’s hands are tangled in his hair. So they rather each step a foot back to look at Rocky.

Grace blinks at Rocky in confusion, he needs a second to come back to himself. His thoughts are still filled with Simon. Simon’s hands, Simon’s lips, the noises Simon had made as he kissed him.

“Heyyy, buddy”, he eventually manages to say, unclear on how to proceed from there. “How are you?”

“Grace not answer question”, Rocky scolds, he stomps one foot down. Simon huffs out a laugh and drops his forehead to Grace’s shoulder as he shakes with laughter.

“It’s aah..” He doesn’t even understand why this overwhelms him so much. Rocky knows about his feelings, there’s no reason to be embarrassed. He just has no idea how to explain kissing to him though… now that he thinks about it, he’s watched enough movies with Grace, he should know what a kiss is. “It’s called a kiss”, he explains. “It’s something people do when they…”

Now that’s the weird part. He finds himself wishing that Simon and him would just have a moment more to talk about what this means before he had to tell Rocky. He feels Simon shift against him, turning towards Rocky. “...when they are in love”, he adds in the softest voice possible. Grace feels like he’s made of cotton candy, light and soft and a little sticky.

He watches as the words sink into Rocky. When they do he almost doubles over in excitement as he lets out the loudest, highest screech Grace has ever heard from him,

“Grace and Simon mates now, question. Grace and Simon mates now, statement. Grace talk to Simon! Happy, happy, happy. Most exciting. Need tell Adrian and all friends now!”, he rolls around them, continuously bumping into their legs from time to time, too excited to stop himself.

“Yeah, Rocky”, Grace says, laughing. “We’re.. we’re happy, too?”

He meets Simon’s eyes who nods briefly. “Very happy.”

Rocky abruptly comes to a stop. “Good, good, good.”

For a moment the three of them just stand there, staring at each other, then Grace clears his throat. “Ahem… I know this is very exciting for all of us, but could you maybe quickly explain why it’s raining?”

If an Eridian could look ashamed, they would exactly like Rocky in that moment. He wiggles from left to right before finally admitting. “Was surprise. Grace said how he misses Earth weather and Simon say he never had weather so wanted to make weather for them. Made mistake by building machine and broke thermostat.”

Again a moment of silence before Grace breaks out into something that’s both laughter and tears. He sinks to his knees, taking Simon with him. He keeps one arm around Simon, embracing Rocky with the other. He can’t believe all of this. What his life has become to. He has just suffered through four days of the worst heat wave imaginable, kissed the man he loves (who just so happens to love him back) during a downpour that his best friend engineered specifically for him, because he mentioned in passing that it was something he missed. There was a time he’d thought he was the loneliest person in the universe. There was a time he thought he would die. But right then and there his heart feels like it’s bursting. Right then and there he feels like no one in the universe is more loved than he is.