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Loki: This is ridiculous. (Folds arms across chest, stares out of window). Nick Fury is not in a position to demand that we answer this stupid womans questions.
Bruce: I'm sorry. (Smiles). It's fine. He's always like this with journalists. If we make a start, he'll jump in with the smart comments pretty soon...
Interviewer: Who normally cooks?
Bruce: Oh god! (Smacks forehead). Loki got into that whole cooking TV thing when he first started living here, and he's obsessed. He makes all these crazy, complicated, completely beautiful dishes. But they take so long, I just scarf whatever he puts in front of me. Then he gets upset because I didn't notice what I just ate!
Loki: You have the palate of a hyena.
Bruce: True enough. I have the kitchen skills to match.
Loki: Hm... hotdogs and one minute noodles is not a meal.
Bruce: Come on, it wasn't that b--
Loki: Chopping the hotdogs and adding soy sauce doesn't change that fact.
Interviewer: How often do you fight?
Bruce: (Chuckles, tries unsuccessfully to hide it behind his hand)
Loki: (Mock glares). Only when Bruce is being unreasonable.
Bruce: Ohh really? It's like that, huh, Mr 'I'm-not-being-seen-in-public-with-you-in-that-suit?'
Loki: Darling, you found that travesty at a garage sale. And, I had already bought you a perfectly good suit to--
Bruce: Yeah, and it was too nice to wear to a party for Tony and Pepper's kids...
Loki: Good cloth will weather any storm. Even one made of jello and ice cream.
Bruce: (Turns to face interviewer). Yeah, you can see I pretty much lose every argument... (Lifts Loki's hand, presses it between his own, kisses the knuckles).
Interviewer: What do you do when you're away from each other?
Loki: He pines. Terribly.
Bruce: Lolo, you are such a... I don't. He's worse. Last time I came back from a trip away, he was wearing my sweater--
Loki: It was December--
Bruce: And my aftershave.
Loki: That I had chosen...
Interviewer: Do you have nicknames for each other?
Bruce: Lolo. I don't know why. I just kind of said it one day and it felt right, so... I just have to be careful not to call him it in front of the others- they'd never shut up about it.
Loki: They might try... You're right, of course. It was a part of a moment and... But, in answer to the question, I don't really have any nicknames for Bruce. I occasionally call him 'darling' or 'my dear', I suppose...
Bruce: You call me B.
Loki: Do I? I suppose I do... I hadn't thought of that as an actual nickname.
Bruce: Well, yeah. (Shrugs). Not sure which part of my name it's meant to be... Oh, you call me Doctor sometimes. If you're pissed off, it's Doctor Banner. If we're in public, he just calls me Banner.
Loki: Ah... So I do have nicknames for you, then.
Interviewer: Who usually pays for dinner?
Loki: I do. Bruce is a pauper.
Bruce: Yeah, that's just because you like poncy restaurants--
Loki: Whereas every awful diner you've ever chosen has given me food poisoning...
Bruce: Jeez, Lo, it was that one time, and it wasn't the food, it was all those dirty martinis you had after.
Loki: Regardless, it was a terrible night.
Bruce: Yep. Our one year anniversary and you spent it with your head over the toilet bowl.
Loki: But, I thank you for holding my hair out of the way.
Bruce: Any time, Lolo.
Interviewer: Who steals the covers at night?
Bruce: Oh, that's easy. He does. Actually, he pretty much takes over the entire bed, pillows, mattress, covers, even me--
Loki: That's because you are like a small, furry furnace. My own teddy bear!
Bruce: Hey! I'm not that short! (Lets go of Loki's hand, takes it back, the moment Loki opens his mouth to protest). Actually, it's pretty nice... Although... (mock whispers to the interviewer) Elbows like needles...
Loki: (Proves his point, and Bruce nearly topples out of his chair. A smile twitches across Loki's face as he pulls Bruce back up again).
Interviewer: What gifts do you buy for each other?
Loki: Phhh....
Bruce: Uh oh! This is about the key rings, right? Look, they're little and they're portable and they're--
Loki: Picked up as an afterthought in the airport, I know. (Turns back to the interviewer, one hand held to his chest) My gifts are always tasteful and well thought out.
Bruce: That is true. You're good at that kind of thing. You and Pepper should start up a gift buying service...
Loki: Unofficially, we already have. You don't honestly believe Clint really chose that ring for Natasha, do you?
Bruce: Huh? No way!
Loki: Never tell another living soul--
Bruce: My lips are sealed, baby. Anyway, I'm not that bad. There was that time I got you the--
Loki: Well, yes. You did. And it was quite exquisite.
Bruce: (Shrugs, goes a little red around the ears) Well, you're worth it.
Loki: You had Pepper choose it for me, didn't you.
Bruce: Guilty. (Bruce holds up his hands in surrender). But, I giftwrapped it.
Loki: (Smirks) I could tell...
Interviewer: Who remembers things?
Bruce: Uhhhh... (Scratches head, looks sheepish)
Loki: Not him.
Interviewer: Who cusses most?
Loki: Probably--
Bruce: Loki. In about a thousand different languages. It's pretty funny. And, kinda sexy...
Interviewer: What would each of you do if the other was hurt?
Bruce: That actually happens quite a lot. It's kind of a dangerous job, being an Avenger. The last time it happened, though, wasn't anything to do with fighting bad guys--
Loki: Please don't.
Bruce: Oh, come on. Let me tell it... Please? It's not that bad, really--
Loki: Phhhh
Bruce: Is that a 'yes'? (He waits. Loki says nothing). Oh, okay. So, Loki got stung by a wasp last summer. On the lip. Neither one of us knew he was allergic, up until that point. So, of course, his whole face swells up to the size of a beach ball, and--
Loki: And then B hulked out--
Bruce: Yeah... Lousy timing, but I was scared. You went all grey, and you were upset, and you couldn't breathe, and the Other Guy's flailing around, trying to kill the stupid wasp! (Shakes his head). Loki was okay in the end, no thanks to me.
Loki: B, sweetheart, it was your first incident in months...
Bruce: Yeah, but still...
Loki: Still, nothing. (Leans over and presses a kiss to Bruce's cheek). I was little better when you and Tony blew up his laboratory...
Bruce: Oh yeah... That wasn't fun. I ended up with second degree burns on my hands from trying to put the flames out before they caught the chemicals. Then, when the hydrogen blew, there was glass everywhere...
Loki: But, you did not have an incident.
Bruce: No. But that's because you pulled me out of there, and you were as mad as an army of hulks. What was that you called Tony?
Loki: Er... It loses something in translation...
Interviewer: Who kissed who first?
Bruce: Oh, that was Loki. Major league Loki. (Grins, squeezes Loki's hand).
Interviewer: Who made the first move?
Bruce: The same.
Loki: Well, we would have waited aeons otherwise.
Bruce: Because I couldn't tell if you liked me!
Loki: (Rolls eyes). Hopeless.
Interviewer: Who started the relationship?
(They go quiet, exchange shrugs)
Loki: Actually, when all's said and done, that might have been Bruce. We'd been occasional bed partners for a while, when--
Bruce: It just... (Turns to look at Loki)
Loki: (Looks back at Bruce) ...Felt right.
Bruce: Loki was actually kind of shy about it. (Loki looks like he might object, but Bruce carries on talking). Shyer than me, even. I don't know why--
Loki: (huffs). Because it is not how these things usually work out. It is unusual to continue to feel so enamoured- more so, even...
Bruce: Yeah. But you were all skittish and snarky about it, so I knew you were embarrassed. I remember, you were getting dressed to leave, and I just thought, he's gonna go because he can't risk me asking him to leave. (Bruce looks back at Loki, but Loki ducks his head away, fixes his gaze on a spot somewhere in the region of the pot plant wilting on the table next to them). And I don't want him to leave, because when he does, I just miss him like crazy--
Loki: (Head rises again). See. I told you he pined--
Bruce: (Smiles softly) So, I just called him on his bullshit. Said he should stay if he wanted to--
Loki: Actually, you just asked me to stay. Told me to, in fact.
Bruce: (Laughs) I did not!
Loki: As I recall, your exact words were 'Stay. Please.'
Bruce: I said that? Wow. And, you did.
Loki: Well. (Loki shrugs). You said please.
Bruce: (Pauses to consider. Then he rests his head on Loki's shoulder, and Loki draws his arm up around him. They both chuckle).
Loki: (Fixes the interviewer with a cool stare). I assume we are free to go?
Bruce: Yeah, we're done. (Gets to his feet, pulls Loki up after him and playfully drags him out of the room by their joined hands).
Loki: (Barely audible as they disappear down the corridor). We are going back to bed now, aren't we?
Bruce: (Barely audible). Oh, I hope so...
End.