Work Text:
"I envy you," Mualani says, dropping into a seat. They're in Xilonen and Mavuika's rooms waiting until it's time to go out for the ceremony.
"There's an entire case just over there. It's even cold." Xilonen is testing out a prototype for a system to keep things cold.
She's totally going to tell people it's because she's seen how beneficial that can be for food preservation and not that she likes Fonta better when it's been chilled.
"Not the drink," Mualani says, even though she gets up and goes over to get one. "The lack of awkward conversations with shamans about sex."
"Envy someone else," Xilonen tells her flatly. "All of the repairs I've done at Citlali's place in the last couple of years have been as a distraction to get through awkward conversations about sex. Why do you need them?"
"So I can get the weird-tasting tea that stops me getting pregnant. Why do you?"
Xilonen silently stands, beckoning to Mualani, and walks over to her storage kettle. If she holds Mualani's hand she can bring her in with her.
"This is cool," Mualani says, looking around at the stacks of materials and half-finished projects.
"And private." Xilonen sits on a stack of lumber. "My heats keep doing weird stuff since I got together with Mavuika. The magic in my bloodline is desperate for me to have her strong warrior babies."
"You can't get pregnant with her, can you?" Mualani frowns, perching on a crate.
"Not accidentally, so I get to skip the tea. In theory yes, though, because Archon."
"Cool!" Mualani seems sincerely delighted.
"So is the tea thing a new requirement? Because you've been dating a while." Xilonen isn't judging so much as, on some level, jealous of someone who can just not have sex while in a relationship without it causing physical pain.
Mualani blushes. "I didn't want to rush. And he's really..."
Depending on how this sentence ends, Xilonen thinks, she's either going to be planning for Benny to be part of their lives forever or making sure his disappearance looks like an accident.
"... sweet. I didn't want to push him before he was ready. But I think we might be getting to a place where I'm at least sure he won't be upset if I suggest it."
Benny lives.
"If he asks me for advice is there anything you'd particularly like me to tell him?" she asks, because it feels like a possibility. He's heard enough of the stories now that he's probably aware that she's undoubtedly had sex with more women than anyone else he knows.
"I wouldn't think so," Mualani says. "I'm sure we'll figure it out."
Xilonen frowns. "I thought you and that loser from the Scions of the Canopy -"
Mualani rolls her eyes. "The one you and Chasca terrorised because you thought he was a creep? The one I also thought was a creep and wasn't actually dating? No."
Xilonen considers that. "I hope you haven't been waiting for a guy who met our standards for you."
"Of course not. I've been waiting for a guy who met mine." Mualani ducks her head. "I think I'm going to marry him."
Xilonen is not surprised. "You going to ask him soon?"
"No, he said something in Inazuma about asking me. I think maybe in Mondstadt the man is supposed to do it."
"Weird." Xilonen shakes her head. "There I thought you just waited for your friends to suggest it for you and then you're stuck with it."
Mualani snorts. "I'm sure Chasca is super sorry about your very happy marriage to the Pyro Archon."
"The marriage is great. The wedding I'm still mad about." Xilonen will quite possibly always be mad about it.
"I think it would have been just as bad if you or she had been the one to propose." Mualani points out.
"Which is why it probably would have been my choice just to shack up forever." Xilonen is ignoring that probably wouldn't have worked.
"Uh-huh." Mualani is looking around. "This is cool. Is this how you brought back so much stuff from your honeymoon?"
"It was a gift from Granny Ping. And yes." Xilonen would, once upon a time, have kept it a secret as a place to hide where no-one could bother her.
These days she sleeps in the bedroom of the Pyro Archon. It's just as effective.
"I wondered where the piles of fortune from your workshop went," Mualani says, peering through a doorway.
"There's more treasure hoarders coming into Natlan," Xilonen shrugs. "If they tried to rob my workshop they'd regret it but I don't want to deal with the hassle." Navia was very tactful about it, but Xilonen has been made aware that the piles of gems with purely aesthetic value represented a concentration of potential mora that she found outright concerning for Xilonen to be storing in a heap on the floor, and the lumps of gold were even worse even if she mostly uses it for practical purposes.
Nothing is as good for connectors between Source components.
Even if it's off limits to most people, here at the Stadium her workshop is still a lot more accessible than it used to be, and she herself has a much higher profile as the Archon's wife.
"Do you, um." Mualani fiddles with her bottle. "Have any advice for me? Since we're alone."
"About sex?" Xilonen confirms. Mualani nods, blushing. "Not specifically for men." She considers what might translate. "Enthusiasm counts for a lot."
"I can definitely do that," Mualani mutters.
"You have been dating for, what, a year?" Xilonen grins. An entire year of dating with no sex. She can't imagine. The only person she's ever dated is Mavuika and they started having sex four days before their first date.
Hers is not a standard experience.
"About a year. I still have the worst crush on him." She looks so happy.
"It might be getting to the point where you just actually like him. Did you ask Chasca, by the way?" Chasca is interested in men.
Mualani makes a face. "Most of her advice is not really..." She shakes her head. "I don't need advice on how to leave before they try to cuddle."
Right. Chasca practically makes Xilonen - pre-Mavuika Xilonen - look like a commitment-minded relationship devotee.
"Cuddling is surprisingly good," Xilonen admits.
"Benny's great at it." Mualani's smile is...
"I've known you since we were toddlers and I swear you're no less cute now than you were then," Xilonen says. "Hit me with any remaining urgent sex questions, we should get out of here before people start looking for us."
Mualani thinks for a moment. "How would Mavuika get you pregnant? I assume she doesn't have -" She pauses. "I've been trying really hard to think of her as your wife and not the Archon all the time but that's my limit. You know what I mean."
"I do. She doesn't. I don't know. Miko got the Geo Archon to tell her everything he knew about it and wrote it down but I haven't read it yet. Mavuika has. She didn't seem worried." Xilonen married an intensely competitive workaholic who likes to overachieve, and she's pretty sure her job when it comes to getting pregnant is probably just going to involve being there. She doesn't intend to worry about it much either.
"How did she get the Geo Archon to tell her about Archon sex?" Mualani asks like she's not sure she wants the answer.
"He's the God of Contracts. She managed to get him under a contract where he had to answer any questions she had about anything she might hypothetically want to publish a book about." Xilonen is still kind of caught on both admiration for Miko and sympathy for Zhongli.
"That's brutal," Mualani says, awed.
"It really is. Mavuika is my wife, you know. She's still human." Xilonen really wants her friends to get that.
Mualani stands. "You remember that time Chasca and Iansan and Tumaini and I went to rescue Kachina from the Night Kingdom?"
"Hard to forget that happened." Xilonen had been so worried about Kachina, and then about all of them.
"We didn't make it back in time," Mualani says. "We were trapped. And then it was like Mavuika punched the sky open and pulled us all back. She said we'd done well, and told us to come home." Mualani's eyes are distant. "She towered over the whole of the Night Kingdom as the world unfolded around us and she saved us." She shakes her head and looks at Xilonen. "I understand that you want us not to be weird with you, but... she's a god, Xilonen. She's our god."
"It's not about me," Xilonen says, frustrated. "It's about her. She goes to the Weary Inn and plays cards and everyone's so honoured to be around her and no-one's happy to see her because that's not the same thing. You get some people who act all buddy-buddy because they want something and that's not the same thing either, she has to shut that down and do you think that's fun for her? She's never going to complain because she chose to become the Pyro Archon and she knew what it would mean, but if that were you, Mualani, don't you think you'd be lonely?"
Mualani blinks. "That's what you mean when you keep reminding us she's human."
"Of course." Xilonen runs her hand through her hair. "I know I make her happy but I'm only one person, you know? I want her to have friends, I want her to have the best friends, and obviously that's you. You're an amazing friend and I'm trying to share you with her."
"I thought you were trying to say we shouldn't be intimidated by her," Mualani says. "Like, she's still human, she's not scary, it's cool, woo, and like... still human doesn't mean she isn't still the Archon. Not... she's still human, she still has needs and you're trying to get us to chill so we can connect. I get it now."
That's a relief, Xilonen thinks. "Good. She's really great when you get to know her. Like, real person great, not Archon great. She's both."
Mualani grins. "You're really crazy about her."
They're alone. Xilonen can admit it. "I really am."
"You know how I know?" Mualani is trying not to laugh, Xilonen thinks.
"Is it the part where I married her?" She folds her arms.
"Nah, that was Chasca's idea." Mualani pokes her. "It's the part where you're trying to share me. You hate sharing me."
"I share you all the time. I share you with Chasca, Benny, your parents, Tumaini, your tour groups..." Xilonen starts ticking off the list on her fingers.
"And you hate it. You've always hated it. You'd keep me in a box in your workshop and just take me out when you wanted to play with me if you could." Mualani is giving her the sassy eyebrows.
"It would be a very cool box," Xilonen says, because it's true and Mualani knows it's true. She may possibly have a tendency to be slightly territorial and Mualani was the very first person who was ever hers. She remembers being incredibly offended that the adults had started bringing Chasca around Mualani, because Mualani was hers.
In retrospect, they couldn't have done better for someone who would help Chasca adjust to living with humans again, because Mualani is sunshine in human form and was always super patient with both Chasca and Xilonen.
At the time, Xilonen was just mad that someone else was taking Mualani's time when she got to go to the Springs and see her, and probably someone should have talked to her about why before she punched Chasca.
Mualani hugs her. "I'll do my best to be very shareable with the parent of my future niece or nephew," she promises, and kisses Xilonen's cheek. "We should go back out."
~
Navia and her wives occupy a strange position in attending the Long Night's Solace.
Unlike many events in Natlan, this is not one of joy. And unlike many events in Natlan, it is not one that welcomes outlanders.
However, for all that Callas has spent almost all of his young life in Fontaine, he is not an outlander in Natlan, and no-one in Natlan would suggest that a baby only a few days old should be separated from his parents.
And so it is that the Caspar de Fontaine family are invited to attend in the understanding that they will not speak of what they see to anyone but Callas. They're not expected - or possibly invited - to stay for the overnight vigil, but the ceremony that begins it is apparently important.
Navia would have thought it impossibly rude for them to have expected even a moment of the attention of the Archon or the Heroes of Natlan tonight, but their instructions are to come up to the rooms of the Archon and her wife immediately upon arrival in Natlan. Mualani stopped by with a message just this morning.
They obey their instructions. At her knock the door opens promptly and Kachina smiles at them.
"Hi!" she says brightly. She's grown noticeably since Navia last saw her. "Come on in! Everyone's in the Speaker's Chamber. This way!"
Everyone, it turns out, is the Archon, and the Heroes of Natlan, as well as the chieftains of the six tribes and Citlali. Navia isn't sure whether she thinks she should be surprised or not when she sees Lumine among them.
"Oh, wow!" Paimon exclaims, darting over immediately. "Lumine! Navia brought her baby!"
"I think actually the baby brought his parents," Lumine says, coming to join them and look at Callas. "He's beautiful. I did get your letter. I was going to come see you soon."
"You're still welcome to visit any time, partner," Navia tells her, smiling.
"What's his name?" Paimon asks. "Paimon thinks he's just the cutest!"
"Callas," Navia says. "Callas Caspar de Fontaine."
"Was Paimon supposed to know that was your name?" Paimon asks. "Paimon thought..." Paimon trails off. "Clorinde and Furina are here too?"
Lumine gives Navia a semi-apologetic look. "I did tell you, Paimon. They got married. All three of them."
Paimon does a spin in the air. "Paimon didn't know you meant to each other!"
Navia sees Citlali talking to Xilonen, and then Xilonen comes over to them. "So. Bad news. Or not that bad, just news. Huitaca, Ameyalli and - never mind, you don't know them and it doesn't really matter. The other women who are approximately due to have children around now didn't. Callas is officially still Natlan's youngest child, which means he has to be part of the ceremony tonight."
That's... unexpected, Navia thinks.
"I see," she says, for lack of better options. Callas stirs, and Navia passes him to Furina. Clorinde is setting their bags of baby accoutrements against the wall.
"It's not ideal," Xilonen says, "because you aren't from here and you can't be part of the ceremony. We talked about it but there's just no way, even if you knew what to do."
"So what is the solution?" Furina asks.
"Well." Xilonen looks awkward. "It's not ideal, but - there is precedent for a child whose parents can't participate. It's usually because the parents are dead, but the shamans are agreed that it won't be a bad omen for you if we do it this way, because it's not, like... a requirement, and it doesn't always mean the parents are dead. And trust me, if the Masters of the Night-Wind shamans don't think it's a bad omen it isn't."
"They're very tense people," Mualani says, coming over. "Because of Citlali, mostly."
"I heard that!" Citlali calls from across the room.
"If it's okay with you, although honestly I don't know what happens if it isn't, we'd like you to nominate Callas's -" Xilonen says a word Navia doesn't know. Something like mbadala. "They could take him for his part of the ceremony."
"I don't know what that is," Navia says.
Mualani gives the explanation. "It means his replacement parents. The people who would raise him if you couldn't. It's an old tradition. Not many people do it any more because you nominate people you're close to and if you die in battle they'll quite possibly be with you, so what's the point? And the tribes are a lot more stable these days, so you can expect your kids will be taken care of anyway."
Xilonen looks away.
"I see," Navia says slowly. "May we have a moment to discuss it?"
"Of course," Xilonen says.
"Who is eligible and ineligible?" Furina asks.
"Any adult from Natlan is eligible except Mavuika, but ideally it would be someone in this room because you have to have their agreement and there's a ceremony." Xilonen looks apologetic. "We're really sorry to spring this on you at short notice but everyone was sure that Ameyalli would have her baby last week, never mind by tonight."
"If Mavuika is ineligible, does that mean as her wife so are you?" Furina asks.
Xilonen shakes her head. "No, I'm eligible, but keep in mind that this is serious. If something happened to all three of you Natlan would officially be petitioning Fontaine for Callas to be brought back here to the custody of his mbadala as his legal parent. So, you know... Pick someone you actually think you'd be okay with raising your kid."
Navia isn't sure she has a problem with that, even if she's certain Wriothesley and Neuvillette would be very careful about Callas's adoptive parents otherwise, even if they didn't keep him themselves.
"Thank you. We'll talk about it," Navia says.
"You can use our place for privacy," Xilonen tells them, nodding to the connecting door, and Navia thinks that's probably best.
"Not Kinich or Ororon," Clorinde says as soon as the door closes. "Or Chasca."
Navia would have to agree. Ajaw alone disqualifies Kinich, Ororon is... Ororon, and Chasca's family dynamics are not quite a recommendation, even if she spent more time at home than she does.
"Citlali would likely refuse even if we asked," Navia says. "Lumine is of course a delight and a reliable business partner, but she travels constantly."
"I'm not sure she qualifies as being from Natlan," Furina points out. "It is unsurprising that she became involved in their affairs, of course, but she is very much an outlander."
"So Xilonen or Mualani," Navia concludes. They don't really know the chieftains. "I'm sure either would be devoted to his care."
"Furina?" Clorinde looks at their wife.
"If it were solely up to me? Xilonen. I do adore Mualani but Xilonen is more... grounded. And of course, she is married to Mavuika. His security would be assured."
Clorinde nods and looks at Navia.
They're agreed, then.
They go back out. Xilonen and Mualani see them and break off their conversation to come over to them.
"That was quick," Xilonen says. "But I suppose we didn't leave you a lot of candidates to discuss. We're really sorry."
"That's fine," Navia says, smiling. "I don't know of anyone we might have considered who isn't in this room. We decided we would ask you, Xilonen."
Xilonen, for some reason, seems shocked by this. "Seriously? Are you sure? Wow. Okay. Obviously I'm honoured and I do accept," she says. "Right."
"That doesn't mean Children of Echoes get him," Chasca says, coming over. "He was born in the Flower-Feather Clan."
"What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of echoes," Xilonen tells her. "Citlali! They've chosen."
The shaman comes to join them. "Who?"
"Xilonen," Mualani says.
"And I'm sure Xilonen is the only person who was surprised," Citlali says. "Hold still," she tells Furina. "This won't hurt him." She holds her hand over Callas, chanting something that somehow Navia can't hear. It's as if her voice is snatched away by the wind, even though they're indoors and there isn't so much as a fan.
"I will offer my home to him if his own should be lost," Xilonen says. "Wherever I go there will be a place for him. This child will know safety if it is within my power to give it."
Navia has goosebumps.
Citlali chants something else, and once again Navia isn't sure if she imagined lines glowing for the briefest moment on Callas's skin. She's starting to think she didn't, but she doesn't know what it would mean.
"We still have a few minutes," Mualani says when Citlali finishes her chant.
"If you want to sit down, you can," Xilonen says. "These chairs aren't sacred or anything. But whoever's holding Callas should sit in that one." She points.
"That one." Chasca points at a different chair, glaring at Xilonen.
"I think I'll stand," Furina says.
Mavuika calls Xilonen and Citlali away, and Kinich gets Chasca's attention. Navia lowers her voice and addresses Mualani.
"We know nothing about the question of his tribal affiliation."
Mualani rolls her eyes. "Ignore them. By the time he's old enough to be eligible for his initiation rites he'll be able to choose for himself if he even wants to be initiated in one of the six tribes at all instead of the Spina di Rosula."
"The Spina di Rosula doesn't have init-" Furina starts to say, and stops. "Or does it?"
Navia glances pointedly around the room full of people.
"Did you know?" Furina whispers to Clorinde, who gives her an almost imperceptible nod. "Did you do -"
Navia carefully leans over Callas to kiss her and stop her talking. "Not here," she murmurs against Furina's lips. "At home."
"What happens if Callas cries during the ceremony?" Clorinde asks Mualani.
Who shrugs. "He cries. He won't be the only one."
Mavuika comes over to them then. "Thank you for being here, and for accepting the surprises we've sprung on you today," she says with her customary warmth. "Kachina's going to take you to your seats. I'd like to request that you don't speak or try to participate in the ceremony itself. Xilonen will come and get Callas when we need him."
"Of course," Navia says.
"You're welcome to leave your bags here," Mavuika adds. "I expect if you need to change Callas you'll want to come back here anyway."
Navia interprets that somewhat as an instruction.
They follow Kachina out to the Stadium. Their seats are technically just inside the entrance to one of the Stadium's corridors, where it opens out onto the Stadium floor.
Callas was freshly fed and changed before they left Fontaine. They can hope he'll sleep through the ceremony.
The first sign that the ceremony is beginning is when the singing starts, something low and solemn in the ancient language of Natlan. It's getting dark. Night is falling and all of the torches have been extinguished. There is only the flickering light of the Sacred Flame.
Navia is acutely aware that she shouldn't be here, not really. This is not for the eyes of outsiders.
But they're here, and it feels disrespectful not to pay attention, if only so they can tell Callas about it later.
She can see Mavuika in the dimness of the Stadium floor, and shadows she thinks are the Heroes and chieftains.
Mavuika speaks. "For generations we have lived and fought and died on this land. Centuries of struggle did not weaken our determination. Through trial and tribulation, Natlan never surrendered."
The next voice is Kinich. "The name of Malipo teaches us that everything comes at a price. We gave generations of blood to war. This we paid for our survival. Many died for those who would live, because in Natlan..."
The voices of the crowd answer in unison. "No-one fights alone."
Now it's Chasca. "War is a heavy burden, but still we never stopped moving forward in search of clear skies. We remember all those who gave their lives that one day we might overcome the darkness to spread our wings and soar. All those who fought to the last for Natlan."
"For Natlan," the crowd echoes.
Navia thinks the next speaker is Iansan.
"True strength isn't gifted from the heavens," she says. "Little by little it culminates from everything we do. Everyone who fought for Natlan is a part of our survival. Our strength is each other and the willingness we share to give our all, because in Natlan..."
"No-one fights alone," the Stadium chants.
It's Citlali next. "Natlan is a land of memories and legends. The dead draw solace from the living and the living push forward in honour of the dead. While we live, we remember those who gave their lives for Natlan."
"For Natlan."
Mualani speaks. "For thousands of years, Natlan has endured. Death has walked in the shadows of our land. The war left no-one untouched who lived through it. Only together could we have survived. Only together could we have achieved victory. We honour those we lost, who paid the price for we who live. Because in Natlan..."
"No-one fights alone."
Now it's Xilonen.
"Tonight we chant the names of Natlan's fallen heroes," she says. "We count the blessings that they gave us by their sacrifice. We tally the cost of survival and victory, however gladly it was paid."
Her voice is getting closer, Navia realises. Furina stands and goes to the doorway, silently passing her Callas.
Xilonen walks back out in silence. She doesn't speak again until she's back with the others just barely visible by the light of the Flame.
"And we give solace to the dead by honouring the future they died to give us," she says. "In Natlan's youngest child we see the future given form. In mourning our dead we celebrate life. The Abyss took our brothers and sisters, our friends, our parents. But it never took our future."
Mavuika snaps her fingers, and torches flare all around the Stadium.
"Even in the darkest night, there is light," Lumine says.
Xilonen steps forward to where the light from the torches is brightest. "His name is Callas," she says. "He was born in Natlan, because life is in Natlan. His future is bright, because even the longest night will give way to the sun."
"We give our thanks to all of those who gave their lives for Natlan," Mavuika says, as Xilonen starts walking back towards the doorway.
"For Natlan," the people say.
Xilonen gives Callas back to Furina. "You should take him home now," she whispers.
They do.
Kachina reappears to escort them back. As they walk around the outer part of the Stadium to get back to the Speaker's Chamber, Navia hears the chant begin, the massed voices rising and falling, brief syllables or longer sections too muffled by the stadium walls to make out.
"We know the way, if you want to be there," she whispers to Kachina.
The girl shakes her head. "Only adults attend the chant," she whispers back. "It goes until dawn. It's everyone who died in the last ten years. Citlali spends weeks planning it so they'll finish at just the right time."
They emerge into the night on the concourse that wraps around the Stadium, and the chant is now audible.
"Makani, brother of Kai." A brief pause. "Atzi and Zaniyah, friends of Erandi." Another. "Cozcatl and Izel, parents of Xilonen."
"It's their last year in the chant," Kachina says softly. "I hope Xilonen's okay."
Navia listens as they approach the Speaker's Chamber - not to the names, but to the pauses.
They're brief.
If this is timed to get through all the names at a steady pace at dawn, there are thousands of names for them to recite. As a proportion of Natlan's population that would be significant.
For Natlan, they keep saying, but on a very real sense it was for everyone. The Abyss barely registers as a threat in Fontaine. There are hilichurls here and there at the edges, but they're not important. They're far less trouble than the Fatui or the problems Fontaine creates for itself, like the more alarming products of the Research Institute or the vagaries of, variously, criminal actions or errors in criminal prosecution. Both the Marechaussee Phantom and the Spina di Rosula spend more time worrying about eradicating the lumiline distribution networks than they do about the Abyss.
It's troubling to think how little they thought about Natlan before, and how poorly Fontaine's citizens sometimes speak of Natlan - and write of it in the papers.
And this experience is not something they can use to argue otherwise. It was never for them to witness. Natlan celebrates in public, but they mourn in private and that is their right.
They exit the teapot into their own kitchen. The teapot is, in one sense, an official means of contact between the leaders of Fontaine and Natlan, and is generally kept by Neuvillette, for all that he has never hinted at the possibility of objecting to its use by anyone who is authorised to do so. (It's a very short list; Neuvillette, Wriothesley, Sigewinne and the Caspar de Fontaines. Even Sigewinne was an addition when Xilonen was ill.)
However, tonight they were all aware that visitors were for once unwelcome, but Callas was being taken anyway. Neuvillette thought it best that they not have to take Callas through the frost-rimed Fontaine night unnecessarily.
"He'll probably be hungry soon," Furina says quietly. Navia nods and starts taking off her jacket. She dressed for an important yet solemn occasion, not for easy access to her breasts.
Clorinde gets out the ingredients for hot chocolate.
"I'm not sure what we'll tell him about that, even when he's old enough to remember it," Navia says. She's also speaking softly. The solemn mood is hard to overcome.
Furina's face shows evidence of tears, though she gave no other sign throughout. "We will tell him he was once Natlan's hope for the future," she says. "He will know the ceremonies. We will tell him that he is a son of Fontaine and a child of Natlan, and both of these things are a gift."
Navia goes to her and hugs her carefully around the baby.
"We will tell him," Furina continues, almost too quiet to hear, "that he will honour the dead by living, and in so doing bring them solace."
Navia kisses her temple. She's not sure what else she can offer for the weight of Furina's centuries of grief.
And yet, she sees, Furina is smiling at Callas.
She thinks perhaps she understands why Natlan needed him for the ceremony, even though he is not descended from the generations who sacrificed themselves in Natlan's long war and carries no link to their honoured dead.
He was born in Natlan because life is in Natlan.
"Everything I did," Furina says. "How much it hurt, for so long. If I hadn't... he wouldn't exist. If we put my pain on one side, and him on the other... the answer is easy, isn't it?" There are tears in her eyes again, but she's still smiling. "I didn't know I could be this happy."