Work Text:
It all started on a regular afternoon.
Alhaitham stopped by the House Of Daena to pick up a few files left by the scholars on the shelf dedicated to reclamations and applications. He had just finished reviewing the new mails in his office and he was now ready to carry on his duties for the day.
It happened on his way back to his office, a scholar wanted to ask him about his application for funding. Alhaitham had turned around and listened while the young scholar explained his urgency to know the final decision from the committee.
Alhaitham was about to answer, as per usual: any application under revision will not have a final verdict until the end of the week.
However, he could not answer. A sudden whistle lingered in his ears and had stopped him. Not only was it sudden, it was also disorienting. Alhaitham tensed, his mouth slightly parted.
He couldn’t do anything. He reached for his headpiece. A part of him wondered if something was wrong with the device but he knew very well that his headpiece had been turned off all morning.
"Sc… Al…ham..? Ar… -ning?" The scholar's voice was barely audible now as the whistle in the scribe's ears made it impossible for him to decipher what words he was saying.
Alhaitham looked up and saw the scholars' lips move. He was saying words and phrases that he could not hear.
The scribe straightened his posture. He tried to conceal any signs of distress. The ringing in his ears only grew louder.
He needed to get out of the situation. With enough stability in his voice, Alhaitham spoke, barely able to hear his own voice.
"I understand your urgency. However, any applications under revision won't have their final results until the end of the week. You would have to be patient like any other scholar." He said, his hands holding the files tightly.
He saw the scholar's mouth move once again, but he could barely hear any words, only meaningless sounds and vowels. Alhaitham sighed and turned around, feigning disinterest and with a quick turn, he dismissed the scholar.
"Waiting is all you can do. I have to go."
It was all he said before he made his way back to his office, itching to hold his ears as the sound came and went away repeatedly.
It had taken him an hour for it to stop. An hour in which he spent it sat at his desk, his headpiece put aside while he held his head with his eyes closed. He waited for the ringing to cease completely.
Eventually, sounds gradually came back to him and his body relaxed. The whole incident had given him a headache. He did not know what happened and he hoped it wasn't too serious.
The second time it had happened to him, Alhaitham was at a dinner party. It wasn't exactly his cup of tea, but Tighnari had insisted that everyone attend. He wanted to celebrate Collei's entrance in the Akademiya.
Alhaitham had gotten ready in advance and had waited for Kaveh to be done fixing his hair. He was reading a book in the living room. Well, perhaps reading was a strong word. He was trying to read but his mind always went back to the moment at the House Of Daena. He had completely lost the ability to hear for a few minutes. Looking back on it, it had been terrifying, confusing and worrying.
Alhaitham could not recall the last time the ringing in his ears had been this severe.
They weren't new. Alhaitham had in fact been accustomed to them but it had always been faint and barely noticeable.
When he was little, Alhaitham had witnessed the death of his parents in a dangerous accident. He had been a part of the crash that caused the loss of his parents. The loud sound of the crash had been too loud and unbearable for the young kid that he was, resulting in a hearing disadvantage: occasional ringing in his ears.
It was also the reason why loud noises were an annoyance to him most of the time and why he had built those soundproof headpieces. However, the ringing had never been an obstacle to his hearing before.
"Alhaitham!"
The Scribe looked up to see that Kaveh had been standing before him for quite a while now, with his annoyed expression.
"Would you mind not activating your soundproof headpiece when I am around?" Kaveh complained. "I'm ready, we are leaving."
Alhaitham was about to retort that he did not even turn his headpiece on, but decided against it. He did not want to start an argument a few minutes before a dinner party. He was certain that Kaveh would bring it up for all his friends to comment.
"Let's just go." Alhaitham sighed, hiding any signs of concern.
Alhaitham sat next to Kaveh at the dinner table.
They all gathered at Pardhis Dhyai for the scenery and the fresh air of the forest. A perfect place for outdoor dinner.
They were all discussing the Akademiya's entrance requirement for Collei when Alhaitham could hear the shift instantly.
It happened when he was getting another serving of the food. He winced, the loud ringing made him feel dizzy. Thankfully, everyone was too busy in their conversation to notice. He did not want to make a scene and bring his own issues to the table.
He wanted to figure it all out on his own first.
Now, he couldn’t hear Kaveh's loud voice and Tighnari's gentle tone. It was almost as if his soundproof headpiece was on.
He never put it on around his friends. Still, he tried to play it cool.
It was only a few minutes into his deafened state that a hand caught his attention. They were all looking at him expectedly.
Cyno stared, waiting for an answer of some sort, while Tighnari watched him with wide and attentive eyes. Kaveh had an annoyed look on his face and he was the one talking, since his lips were moving, spurting words Alhaitham could not hear.
It felt like being underwater, their voices muffled at the surface. He focused on Kaveh's lips for a few seconds and read the words from the movement of his mouth: "Alhaitham", "Listening", “headphone”.
Alhaitham sighed and looked away, pretending to press the button of his headset
"I had my soundproof headpiece on. What were you guys talking about?" He asked, softly, glancing at Tighnari who spoke.
"We we… wonderin… nex… week?" Tighanri's lips moved, offering a small smile.
"Tournam-... happen…… Month…" Cyno leaned back in his chair.
The general mahamatra was sitting further away from Alhaitham and not looking at him when he spoke, it was harder to read his lips. He looked over at Kaveh who took a sip of his wine.
Alhaitham tried to think fast and put the pieces together.
He quickly recalled a conversation he had with a sage about the next tournament organized by the Akademiya a few days ago. The sage had wanted to contact Tighnari for flower decorations and ornaments, since he wanted to order a bunch of them. Alhaitham concluded that tomorrow, Tighnari needed help in getting things done for the tournament next month.
Alhaitham answered without hesitation.
"The preparation for the tournament is taking place in a few days, but I will be able to help. Are the flower arrangements ready, or do you need me for the detailed order?"
His answer seemed to have been the right one, since Tighnari smiled and resumed eating.
"I… details… of the… flo… And… r…-irements."
Alhaitham never left Tighanari's lips, and he nodded.
"I'll bring all the files with all the details for you tomorrow." The scribe added.
Once he was certain that Tighnari was satisfied, he looked away and Kaveh changed the subject altogether.
Alhaitham took this as an opportunity to think.
This situation could not go on. Something was wrong with his hearing and he needed a checkup. He had a full day of work the next day, but he assumed that taking a few minutes out of his lunch break would be enough to stop at the Birmarstan.
Kaveh and Alhaitham were walking back home after dinner. The ringing in his ears had stopped but the surrounding sounds still were quieter than they used to be.
"Seriously, Alhaitham. I told you to try and be more social to people. You cannot always rely on your books to survive. Tighnari and Cyno are really nice people, and they can even teach you some things about life that you may not know." Kaveh continued, crossing his arms as they walked. "What do we have to do for you to pay attention to a conversation without those earphones of yours?"
"I was simply under the impression that I was not involved in the conversation. I don't really have any opinions on Genius Invocation TCG or the structural techniques of architectural design."
"And? Would it be too much to ask you to try?" Kaveh sighed, waving his hand as a sign of giving up. "Whatever, it's not like you showed interest in anything other than yourself. If you are going to be this rude every time we get together, then you may as well stay home. No one will bother you."
They arrived home and Alhaitham unlocked the door as Kaveh spoke.
He had never purposely ignored the conversation, nor had he intentionally tried to be rude. Something was going on with him, and he did not want Kaveh or anyone to know about it. The worst thing about this was that he could not tell the truth, not when he wasn't sure himself of what was going on.
"Well, perhaps next time I'll do that, then." Alhaitham said instead.
If he couldn't tell Kaveh what was wrong, then he at least had to convince him of something.
Kaveh scoffed and glared at Alhaitham before walking into the house.
"You are the worst Alhaitham. Sometimes I wonder how you can live with yourself." Kaveh sighed and headed straight to his bedroom without another look.
Alhaitham had noticed that he looked very upset, and a part of him was a little taken aback. Why was Kaveh taking things to heart so much? It wasn't the first time that he got upset, but he usually never spoke up about his frustration.
Alhaitham already had so much on his plate he could not worry about Kaveh's outbursts for now, he needed to make sure that he would be alright.
When he woke up the next morning, Alhaitham was more anxious than he had ever been. His hearing wasn’t any better. All sounds were muffled and quieter. He couldn’t hear himself move around his house.
This situation dawned on him how serious it could be, and he worried about work.
He was the scribe of the Akademiya. He had to attend meetings and record them, make a report and send them to the higher ups. If he could not hear, how would he be able to make a clear report? Not only that, but Alhaitham worried that this state would be permanent. Was he really going deaf?
Alhaitham had never thought about losing his hearing. When he was young, they had told him that he had been lucky that his ear drums had survived… but was it really luck if the damage persisted twenty years later? Would he never be able to hear fully again?
So many worries and thoughts clouded his mind, and he reached for his headset, secretly hoping that it would give him back his hearing.
It was truly ironic, he had to admit. For a man who had spent his entire scholar years building a device to quiet the world, now his only wish was that it could amplify them.
As he stepped out of the house and left, Alhaitham did not hear Kaveh call out to him.
Kaveh was drinking his coffee in the library office when he heard the commotion in the living room. He stood and hurriedly tried to catch up to Alhaitham as he was making his way out of the house.
"Alhaitham! Are you going to the Grand Bazaar later?" Kaveh asked, leaning his head out of the door frame.
Alhaitham's back still faced him while he put on his shoes and Kaveh, frowned, wondering if their small argument from yesterday was still fresh in his mind.
"Alhaitham, I'm talking to you!"
Despite his convictions to get his roommate's attention, Alhaitham was already out of the door without sending any look back.
The architect was at a loss. He did not know what was wrong with Alhaitham these past few days, and he wondered if something had happened that he had missed. But Kaveh was certain that if something bad had happened, he would be made aware of it, right? Alhaitham would talk to him about it.
Kaveh had noticed Alhaitham’s reclusion, more than he used to do.
Usually when he would walk into the living room or start a conversation with Alhaitham, the latter would always reply or make a comment. Sometimes it was only a few words, but there was still some form of communication. Now? it was as if Alhaitham barely existed.
The architect pondered on the possibilities of what could have happened. It could easily be the result of too much work, but for Alhaitham, it was unlikely. He was the kind of man who would do the bare minimum to stay content.
Kaveh sat down at his desk and forgot his blueprint. His thoughts were directed to Alhaitham's recent odd behavior.
Maybe he had been too harsh on Alhaitham.
If Kaveh had to be honest, he was a little disappointed. When Tighnari had prepared their dinner party yesterday, Kaveh was convinced it would help Alhaitham get closer to people. He wasn’t usually too keen on maintaining relationships with anyone, and sometimes the architect wondered if Alhaitham stayed with Kaveh simply because they lived together.
After all, Kaveh did enjoy Alhaitham’s company. Unlike what Cyno and Tighnari believed, they weren’t always bickering or having an argument. Sometimes they would engage in deep conversations about certain theories and about their own perspectives of life.
Kaveh always enjoyed these moments. They were few but precious, which explained his current disappointment when things didn’t continue the same way, even after the dinner party.
Alhaitham’s lack of interest was frustrating and that argument had been the expression of that annoyance. Was it too much to ask for Alhaitham to pay attention to him? To care about him?
He had always believed being his senior was enough to gain his admiration and interest. But it wasn’t enough. Alhaitham didn’t value seniority nor did he want to get close to Kaveh, or at least he did… Until a few days ago.
It was a shame. Was he growing tired of Kaveh?
Kaveh had so many questions and doubts. From heartache to confusion, sadness and determination. He wanted to figure it out and he promised himself that he will not let their bond fade away this easily. No matter how long it would take him to rebuild it.
'It seems that you are losing your hearing, Scribe Alhaitham. I am very sorry. We will give you the necessary treatment for the ringing in your ears.'
'Unfortunately, no. There is no way you can fully restore your hearing. With time, I regret to say that it will only get worse. But technology and research is forever expanding, Scribe Alhaitham. Don't lose hope.'
The doctor’s words echoed in his ears like the constant incessant ringing, reminding him of the very thing he was slowly losing with time. He will be deaf… and there was nothing that could stop it from happening.
After his appointment, Alhaitham walked through the city. Everything moved like a fog in his vision and he made his way back to work. Sounds mixed together, ones louder than the others. He tried to accept the new reality before him: A reality in which sounds would be gone.
Alhaitham swallowed back the lump in his throat. He paused and looked up, observing the life around him. Will he truly never be able to hear any of it anymore?
He glanced up at the sky. Then he closed his eyes.
He could faintly hear the hurried steps of children running around; the voices of merchants and clients striking a deal; the matra's boots marching on the cold pavement. He also thought of the gentle bird songs he often heard in his early morning walks to work.
He could also recall activating his soundproof headpiece then, willingly quieting out the world around him.
Now, he wished he could go back and savor every single second of them all: leaves rustling in the wind; the turn of a page; his own voice; his friends; Cyno's unfunny joke; Tighnari's advice and… Kaveh.
His chest ached.
Kaveh. He would never hear his voice again. He would no longer hear his roommate mumble to himself during a project, the sound of his name in his voice, his complaints and his laugh.
Alhaitham knew he was rarely the reason for Kaveh’s laughter but he could still cherish the it as if he was hearing it now.
All these sounds which were seen as mundane and were even avoided, they were now things he was holding onto for dear life.
When Alhaitham opened his eyes, his vision blurred. A few tears rolled down his face.
He wasn't okay with this. He also knew people wouldn’t approach him even if they knew. He had made sure all these years that no one would approach him for anything else other than work. And yet, right now, as the realization dawned on him that it was only a matter of time before he could no longer hear a thing, he wished that he could hear the voice of a stranger.
He wanted to experience hearing a new voice, or a new sound. He had yet to hear so many things from this world and the freedom to be able to hear many more was being taken away from him. But he had to accept it because if he did not… What else was there? How would he be able to live on?
Alhaitham resumed his walk, his hand swiftly wiping the stains of tears on his face.
He still had work to do, and life went on.
When Kaveh heard the front door open and close, he knew that Alhaitham finally came home from work. Kaveh figured that he would talk to Alhaitham once he was done with his project. However, a few minutes after he heard Alhaitham come home, Kaveh could hear the familiar sound of the tea kettle whistle loudly from the kitchen.
He figured that Alhaitham would finally put it away and that it would cease from interrupting his work, but it kept on going. Kaveh frowned.
What was he doing?
Kaveh abruptly stood up and hurried out of the home library to the kitchen. Alhaitham was sitting at the table, his back facing the steaming kettle. He was seemingly unaware of the deafening shriek in the room.
"Alhaitham! Your tea!" Kaveh winced.
Alhaitham didn't even look up.
His eyes were focused on the materials spread out on the table. His headset was dismantled. He looked like he was doing some sort of repair on the device.
"Alhaitham!"
Kaveh was shocked. Alhaitham was not wearing his device and yet, he was still ignoring the kettle and him.
The architect became impatient.
It was never a joy to be ignored but there were more urgent matters at the moment. Kaveh hurried to the kettle and turned everything off. Silence embraced the air.
His urgency must have finally caught Alhaitham's attention. The scribe had briefly glanced over his shoulder before springing to his feet when he realized the situation.
Kaveh sighed in relief and turned to his roommate, frowning.
"Do you want to kill us both?" The architect blurted out, putting the kettle aside. "If that was your intention, Alhaitham, please take me out of it. I do not want to be a part of this."
He could see that Alhaitham was surprised, his eyes darting from the kettle to Kaveh to the stove. He looked in deep thought before he crossed his arms and spoke.
"I am afraid I did not hear that." He said with an emotion that Kaveh could not describe.
The blonde frowned, not believing him for a second.
"You did not hear?! Alhaitham, it was so loud I could hear it from my bedroom. That excuse doesn't work when you're not even wearing your device." He replied, pointing to his ears.
Their eyes met and Alhaitham quickly looked away. He took the kettle to pour himself a cup of tea.
"It's not a big deal, Kaveh, you were there to stop it." He said with a shrug.
Kaveh looked at him with wide eyes.
"Alhaitham, did you seriously think that excuse would work? What were you doing, anyway?" Kaveh turned to the table and looked at all the mechanical parts spread out on the wooden table.
He grabbed one of them, only for Alhaitham to take it back instantly.
"Don't touch that. I'm working on something."
"What? Are you trying to install a music player inside too?" Kaveh said sarcastically and crossed his arms.
Alhaitham did not answer him. He sat back down and opened the nearby book. He took notes as he studied.
Kaveh watched him in silence, a plethora of questions running through his mind.
The architect finally took a deep breath and sighed. He seized the chair and sat in front of Alhaitham, who was currently removing another component from his headset.
"Alhaitham. We need to talk."
He saw Alhaitham look up with a frown, almost as if he were not sure if he was speaking to him.
"I'm being serious, we seriously need to talk. You've been acting… distant these past few days. Even before that dinner party with Tighnari and Cyno. What is going on?" He asked softly, wanting to call a truce to their bickering.
"There's nothing to talk about." Alhaitham simply replied.
His eyes moved from Kaveh's lips to his eyes. However, the architect did not catch on, and he continued speaking, wanting to get his emotions out.
"You can say that to anyone but me. I know when something is wrong and nothing would convince me otherwise." Kaveh ran a hand through his hair. "Is it… work? Did something happen?"
Alhaitham looked up again, and Kaveh became more hesitant. He wanted his junior to talk to him and open up to him. They were doing so well these past few months.
Kaveh was happier with Alhaitham, and he did not want to lose that.
"Don't you want to tell me because you think I won't be of much help?" Kaveh asked, hesitantly. "You know, I may have a lot of problems but I am still the best at solving other people's problems." He added.
Alhaitham's head unconsciously leaned to the side, eyes cast downward to the architect’s lips..Kaveh was a little taken aback, but he did not want to point it out. He was already walking on eggshells.
"Work." Alhaitham simply replied.
Kaveh blinked and leaned closer, surprised. "What?"
"Work." Alhaitham said, a little louder. "I'm just tired from long days at work, that's all."
These few words were all he added before he went back to his building or destroying of his device. Kaveh felt hurt and useless. He knew Alhaitham well enough to notice that this was not the truth, not entirely..
However, he did not want to bring more issues to Alhaitham so he concluded that he will leave it be for now and perhaps try again the next day.
"Fine. You don't want to tell me. I respect your decision… But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here." He still tried one last time, expecting a different reaction, but Alhaitham only nodded, not even looking up from the table.
With a defeated sigh and a heavy heart, Kaveh left the kitchen with many questions still left unanswered. He cared about Alhaitham deeply, and not being able to help was frustrating and heartbreaking.
"Ah, Mr. Kaveh, we've been waiting for your visit."
Kaveh smiled and walked into the Birmarstan to retrieve medicines for the orphanage he had helped build over the years. In the past, he had provided clothes, food and even toys.
He would usually come pay them a visit when his schedule permitted it and sometimes, he would be their own delivery service, free of charge.
Today, he came to get medicine.
"I may be a little late, I apologize."
Kaveh followed the nurse who signed a paper to confirm the reception of the products.
"It's quite alright. As talented as you are as an architect, I am sure your schedule is always demanding." She smiled in return and reached for the bag.
"Oh, I am not that busy, really. I would be, if only a certain scribe wouldn't refuse all my applications for funding." He sighed, rubbing his temple tiredly.
The nurse perked up. "You mean Scribe Alhaitham? How is he faring these days?"
Kaveh was surprised that someone asked about Alhaitham's wellbeing. He frowned for a second before shrugging.
"He's alright, I guess. As quiet and stuck up as usual. Not that I would know more. It's been a while since we've last spoken to each other." Kaveh added quickly, not wanting the whole of Sumeru finding out they were living together.
"It is not easy what he is going through. I hope he has people around him to support him through it all." The nurse sighed and handed Kaveh the bag. "There you go, Mr. Kaveh."
The architect slowly took the bag, but his eyes remained on the nurse. He sensed that he was missing something.
"I'm sorry to ask, but is Alhaitham going through… something?" Kaveh frowned.
He knew that he had been acting odd these past few days now but he was not aware that it was something other people knew about.
"Yes…?" The nurse looked confused as well, staring at Kaveh. "I'm not sure if I can give out any details, I'm still an intern but… Scribe Alhaitham came to visit us for a checkup a few days ago, my colleague was the one who diagnosed him." She said, leaning to whisper.
Kaveh knew that most nurses in the Birmarstan barely kept secrets from each other and in a way, he was kind of glad.
"What results did he get? Is he sick?" Kaveh asked, suddenly growing anxious, but the nurse shook her head and shrugged.
"I'm afraid I cannot tell you more. You would have to ask the patient himself."
With these last words, the nurse led him to the exit and Kaveh made his way to the orphanage, feeling lightheaded. Alhaitham was going through something and this was related to his health somehow.
Kaveh did not notice any form of sickness when he was around the scribe. He was indeed paying less attention, but he was still the same arrogant junior that Kaveh was always fond of. What was happening?
When he arrived at the orphanage, the few kids who saw him arrive welcomed him with excitement, cheers and hugs. Kaveh laughed and hugged them back.
He spent half of the afternoon playing with the children until he noticed Haalim, the young boy who had hearing impairment.
Instead of playing with the other kids, he would usually have a class of sign language during these times along with oral exercises. Kaveh looked up from the tower cubes the children had done with him and decided to let them play alone to approach the child.
He was drawing on his own in a corner, barely attentive to his surroundings. Kaveh smiled softly and sat next to him at the small table, lightly tapping his arm to get his attention.
Haalim looked up and offered a bright smile on his face when he saw Mr. Kaveh was sitting next to him.
Kaveh knew that not a lot of the children knew how to speak sign language, so every time the architect would use it to communicate with him, Haalim's eyes would sparkle.
'Hello, how are you today?' Kaveh signed, his facial expression following the words..
Haalim put his colored pen down, all his attention on the man next to him. He moved his small hands around, telling Kaveh about what he did today with the teacher and the other children.
'Shakir and Zaira wanted to play today. But I can’t understand what they say.' Haalim frowned a little before moving his hands again. 'They get angry because I can't hear them when they call me.'
Kaveh sighed sadly, waving his hands as a response. 'I will tell them to call you another way so that you will play with them.'
Haalim seemed to be satisfied with this answer, his smile softened. He grabbed his pen again and turned back to his drawing as if Kaveh had never been here. All his focus went back to the paper in front of him.
Oddly, Kaveh sensed a feeling of deja vu when looking at Haalim's behavior, but he could not pinpoint exactly where all this came from. Instead, he stayed with Haalim, watching him focus on his drawing with no external distractions to disturb him.
Kaveh wished he could sometimes quiet out the world, perhaps he would be able to focus a bit more on his projects. Still, he never underestimated the great loss it was to lack one of the senses. He was grateful that Haalim was getting the support he needed and he hoped that he would be happier.
When Kaveh went home, his thoughts about Haalim shifted to his concerns for Alhaitham. He wished that Alhaitham would communicate this easily with him as well, after all, they were living together, and they were still close. At least Kaveh believed they were.
Kaveh walked in and saw Alhaitham sit on the couch, a large book in hand. He was laying on the side, leaning on the cushions with his left profile in view.
As usual, he looked engrossed in his own reading. The world around him did not disturb his moment of peace. Kaveh sighed and gathered the courage to speak.
"Alhaitham, we need to talk." He said out loud, putting down a bag on the floor.
Silence.
Alhaitham's eyes did not leave the words on the page for even a second. Not a single acknowledgement of Kaveh's presence.
The architect could have sworn he heard him, Alhaitham was not even wearing his soundproof set. It was mindlessly put aside on the coffee table.
"Alhaitham, I'm talking to you!" Kaveh crossed his arms and waited.
The scribe turned a page.
Kaveh sighed and walked closer, then tapped on his shoulder, frustrated. "Alhaitham, would you put down this book and listen to me?"
At the touch, Alhaitham quickly looked up and met Kaveh's frustrated stance, a glimmer of surprise passing through blue eyes at the realization that he was not alone. The surprise did not last. He sat up and put the book aside, then he reached for his headset.
"You're here. I did not hear you come in." He simply said, placing the headset on his head.
"Did you not hear me or did you purposely pretend you didn't?"
Kaveh was a little confused on why he would put it on, but he had other urgent things to talk about.
"I did not hear you. What do you want?" Alhaitham sighed.
He leaned back, waiting for Kaveh to speak.
The architect opened his mouth and closed it, feeling like something was being revealed before his very eyes and he could not see it clearly.
"I was at the Birmarstan today. The nurse asked how you were doing. Apparently, you are going through something." Kaveh crossed his arms.
Alhaitham shrugged. "And? Am I supposed to report to you every single thing I do?"
Kaveh frowned. "No, you don't. But if you are really going through something then… I should be here to help you through it, too."
Alhaitham let out a sigh and shook his head. "I know about your tendencies of always wanting to save everyone from their problems, but I can assure you that I do not need it. Your empathy is appreciated, but not required."
"Is it not?" Kaveh frowned and sat down on the couch beside Alhaitham. "Are you okay? Is it bad? Are you sick?"
Alhaitham looked away, his jaw slightly clenching at the questions. He shook his head.
"Kaveh, don't try to be like this with me. You don't have to."
“I'm not trying to be anything except your friend. I want to help you. Tell me what it is that you can't say. You’ve been quieter than usual… It’s as if you’re shutting down the world around you.” Kaveh insisted, his eyes almost pleading for Alhaitham to say something.
Alhaitham remained silent, his eyes distant.
Kaveh felt like he was so close to the truth and yet so far. Similarly to how he would picture a perfect idea in his head for a design but no matter how many times he would try to draw and let his pen make the fantasy a reality, the lines were never as perfect or as clear. Trying to understand Alhaitham was the same thing. He knew the scribe more than anyone and yet at this moment, it was almost as if he could not see anything when looking at him.
Alhaitham had put up a wall against Kaveh.
It reminded him of Haalim when he was focused. The walls were set up and the only thing that broke them down was when Kaveh would touch him.
Kaveh’s heart dropped to his stomach.
They sometimes get angry because I can't hear them when they call me.
Memories of these past few days came back to him like a torrent.
The day Alhaitham was so focused on his task he could not hear the kettle: I am afraid I did not hear that.
Kaveh had thought it had been an excuse. It used to be an excuse before in order not to be disturbed from his reading or his work, but this would always follow with Alhaitham still turning off the device. He was not wearing it that day.
The signs were there and Kaveh had been so oblivious to them.
“Alhaitham.”
Kaveh knew that Haalim would not be able to know someone was talking to him if they did not warn him through a tap on the shoulder or the arm, something the teacher had taught Kaveh before anything else.
When he came home a few minutes ago,, he had used the same method and he had received the same reaction.
“Kaveh.” He simply replied, his eyes still looking away from him.
Kaveh looked up and stared at his roommate, his former best friend, the man he was secretly in love with and the person he cared about the most as if he was finally seeing him clearly after days of fog. He tilted his head to the side and glanced at Alhaitham’s headset. The light was on. How could he hear Kaveh when it was on?
There was only one reason for this. Kaveh teared up as he reached for his headset.
They were no longer soundproof. They were hearing aids.
How didn’t Kaveh realize this?
“You…” Kaveh’s fingers brushed the device, and Alhaitham leaned back, glancing back at him with surprise and cautiousness.
The architect reached with his other hand and leaned forward. Alhaitham watched him.
Kaveh was certain that Alhaitham would push him away this time.
Kaveh slowly took off the headset from his head, their eyes locked into a silent vow. Kaveh saw the few cracks in Alhaitham’s composed expression as sounds disappeared with the headset gone. There was discomfort, sadness and fear.
Kaveh held the headset in his hands on his lap and stared at Alhaitham. His heart broke at the sight of what his junior was going through in complete silence. Finally, he raised his hands and began to sign, his trembling hands forming words carefully.
‘You are not alone. I understand. I am here for you.’
Alhaitham sat there, looking into Kaveh’s eyes and watching him speak to him in sign language. The scribe tried to remain composed until it eventually became unbearable and looked down, his walls crumbling down when he realized that Kaveh knew.
He shook his head, hand moving to his face curled into himself.
He hid himself away, silently crying in the palms of his hand.
Kaveh moved quickly and brought his arms around him. He embraced him tightly as Alhaitham silently cried.
Kaveh had not felt his heart ache this much since his father’s death. It was unbearable to see someone as collected and calm as Alhaitham break down. It was something he could not control. He was losing a big part of himself and he had no bearings or help from anyone.
“I’m here.” Kaveh whispered, but he knew now that Alhaitham could not hear him so he hugged him even tighter, barely holding back his own tears.
Alhaitham hid himself in his own hands and arms when he cried, making it hard for Kaveh to see him or communicate with him. Finally, after a while, he cupped his junior’s face and made him look up, his teary eyes looking back.
“I am… losing…” Alhaitham tried to speak, bringing his fingers to his ears but Kaveh shook his head before leaning in and holding him close.
Alhaitham, this time, wrapped his own strong arms around the architect. Their embrace tightened as the scribe buried his face in the crook of his neck, seeking comfort.
They remained in each other’s arms.
A few hours passed.
Alhaitham held the warm cup of tea in his hand, his eyes never leaving the captivating color of the drink. He could feel Kaveh sitting in front of him, waiting patiently for him to speak. He had put his headset back on but was lost in his thoughts.
"It started two weeks ago. I'm gradually losing my hearing. The doctor told me I would have a hard time adjusting…" Alhaitham shook his head, trying to make sense of his own condition.
"Is it because… Of the crash?" Kaveh asked softly, his voice as gentle as ever.
"Yes. I was told as a kid that the ringing could get worse. I just did not expect that it would affect me this much." He replied, tapping his fingers against the cup anxiously, feeling restless.
"Can you hear me well with these?"
Alhaitham shook his head and looked up, focusing on Kaveh's voice.
"I can hear you, it's just not very clear or not as clear as before." He took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do. Thankfully I learned sign language when I was a scholar but… just the thought of never hearing anything ever again… I am sorry I didn't tell you anything. I don't want you to see me differently, Kaveh. I don't want this new condition to change anything between us. This relationship that we have is more important to me than anything."
“Alhaitham. Nothing in this world would change the relationship between us and quite frankly, I am quite good with sign language myself so I wouldn’t be worried if I were you. I will never let you win a debate, even if I have to sign everything!”
The scribe stared at his roommate for a quite a while before the hint of a smile appeared on his face. The first smile he had shown in a very long time. Kaveh felt the warmth spread in his chest. He was still very much heartbroken for what Alhaitham had to go through, but he wanted to make sure that he would be there for him, for as long as he needed him.
He loved him dearly and nothing would ever make him feel any less.
Kaveh held the scribe’s hands warmly.
“You know…” Alhaitham looked away. “Kaveh… When I learned that I was going to lose my hearing. I wasn't sad at first. I thought this was just how life was. But then…"
He paused, frowning slightly before looking into his eyes.
“Then I thought of all the sounds I would no longer be able to hear.” He said, gritting his teeth as he felt the tears filling up in his eyes. “What really, really, broke me was realizing that… I will never hear your voice again, Kaveh.”
Kaveh's eyes widened. It felt like he was punched in the face and shot in the heart at the same time. Alhaitham had been more worried about not hearing his voice more than anything else, more than anything else in this world.
“Alhaitham.” Kaveh said, emotionally, trying to keep his own emotions together.
“Will I ever hear your voice again? Will I ever hear your annoying voice again?” Alhaitham laughed through his tears and he shook his head. “Will I ever hear your voice when you tell me good morning… Or when you just say my name.”
Alhaitham's lips quivered as he looked down, tears rolling down his cheeks as he whispered. “Will I ever hear you say you love me?”
Kaveh was speechless. He stared at Alhaitham like he was staring at him for the very first time. Had he heard what he had heard? Was Alhaitham sharing his most secured and protected feelings?
Kaveh reached forward and grabbed his face, making the scribe stare back into his scarlet eyes. They stared at each other, agonizing pain passing through their gazes and Kaveh let out an emotional laugh.
“Alhaitham you’re- Are you really worried about this? Out of all things?” Kaveh asked, surprised.
They stared at each other and Kaveh swallowed, leaning closer for their foreheads to touch. They remained this way.
Alhaitham was recollecting his emotions again, not pressing Kaveh to respond to his words.
“I love you, Alhaitham.”
Alhaitham leaned back and stared at the man before him, almost in disbelief by what he was hearing through his device. Kaveh offered a small smile and let his fingers caress his face.
“I will tell you I love you everyday in every language and in every way possible, Alhaitham. I love you. I always did and I always will.”
Alhaitham let all his tears out freely and Kaveh smiled, leaning in and placing a soft and tender kiss on his quivering lips.
They kissed, the sound of their heartbeats beating in rhythm trespassing the language barriers of their love. Alhaitham leaned closer, kissing Kaveh as if he would disappear along with everything he had already lost.
However, he knew he never left and he would never disappear.
Kaveh moved his lips away from the kiss, letting his mouth move right against his lips, mouthing out the words ‘I love you’ for Alhaitham to read, hear and feel. He felt him smile and leaned for another kiss.
Kaveh shared his love through the kiss, knowing full well that Alhaitham didn't have to worry or be afraid.
If the day ever that Alhaitham would no longer hear his voice, Kaveh would still make sure that he will hear his love.
A few weeks later, Kaveh seemed to be eager to take Alhaitham somewhere.
At first, Alhaitham had been trying to come up with excuses not to come, but Kaveh had argued with him that it was important and that he had to be there. Since he seemed to be resolved, Alhaitham accepted.
He closely followed Kaveh towards a familiar building, wondering where he could have possibly seen the edifice.
It was only when Kaveh looked at the building with an affectionate smile that he recalled the blueprints and sketches that had been scattered around his office and living room a few years back.
He recalled the endless nights in which the architect had worked hard on designs.
The orphanage.
They walked in together and Kaveh was instantly welcomed with cheers and hugs, excitement and joy from the children.
“Kaveh, look what I draw, isn't it pretty?”
“Kaveh, I ate all my food during lunch!”
“Kaveh, can you draw me another house?”
All the children jumped around him and he laughed, greeting each of them with attentiveness and care.
Alhaitham watched him from his side, crossing his arms. He read the kids’ lips and adjusted his hearing aids. They were not perfect. He could hear certain words but not all but it was enough for someone as observant as him.
He watched Kaveh play with the children for a while until he decided that he could take a look around and admire the results of his endless blueprints.
Alhaitham slowly walked around the main hall, slowly noticing a few hallways leading to other rooms. It was when he leaned to peek into one of them that he noticed a young boy, sitting on the floor and playing with his toys.
Alhaitham watched him play alone for a few minutes. Somehow he sensed that this young boy was much more similar to him than any other kids.
He could still recall the times when he would also seclude himself to read his books, to his grandmother's pride. He had always enjoyed his own company in a way, just like this boy.
After a few minutes of watching him, the young boy looked up. Their eyes met, and the boy smiled, waving at him to come closer.
Alhaitham hesitated and glanced towards the main hall only to see that Kaveh was still busy with the other children.
With a resigned sigh, he finally agreed and stepped into the room, kneeling down in front of the boy who held an Aranara toy in his hand.
He was about to speak only to be surprised when the boy put his toy down and waved his hands around. He signed.
‘Are you a new teacher?’ He asked, and Alhaitham was at a loss for words.
This young boy was much more than a little similar to him, they were almost the same at this moment. Alhaitham was suddenly relieved when the boy spoke a language he was now most comfortable with.
‘No. I am Kaveh's friend.’ Alhaitham signed back, offering a small smile to the boy whose eyes sparkled and widened.
‘Kaveh is very nice. He's my friend, you can be my friend too.’ The boy smiled and pointed to his ears. ‘My name is Haalim. Kaveh comes to play with me. Are you here to play with me?’
Alhaitham smiled and took a seat next to him with a newfound affection for the boy he just met.
‘Yes, we came to visit the orphanage. I like speaking in sign language because I am slowly losing my hearing.’ Alhaitham signed back.
Slowly, but surely, Alhaitham finally began to understand the real reason behind Kaveh's plans. He wanted him to meet Haalim and Alhaitham was grateful for this effort to bring him familiarity in this new chapter of his life.
He felt loved.
He wanted to provide the same feeling for the boy as well.
Haalim sat up in surprise and waved excitedly. ‘I am also deaf! Kaveh always told me that I was never alone, and that someone out there would understand me. Is it you?’
Alhaitham chuckled. He wanted to be that person for him from now on. ‘Yes, it's me. Can I play with you?’
Haalim laughed and quickly took one of the Aranara toys and handed it to him. The scribe took the toy and smiled, moving to sit more comfortably.
Kaveh had been so busy that he had not realized when Alhaitham had left. He searched for him in the garden, walked through hallways, checked in rooms, until he eventually heard the rustling and toys clashing in a nearby room.
He approached and was delighted by what he saw.
Alhaitham was playing with Haalim, holding an Aranara toy in his hand. Haalim's hands were dancing around as he explained the plot of his imaginary story with the toys, and Kaveh was even amused when Alhaitham added details to the story.
He watched them play together with a certain emotion that was both overwhelming and fulfilling. Alhaitham was going through a new chapter of his life that was a painful but beautiful door to a world he thought he knew.
Kaveh would do everything he could to make this new journey as enjoyable and as painless as possible.
Only for the man he had always loved.