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“Lincoln Rosario, put that notebook down and get in the damn car!”
“Lincoln Rosario, are you even listening to me? Get your head out of the clouds!”
“Lincoln Rosario, you are working at the dispatch and that’s final!”
“Lincoln Rosario, you will do what I say!”
“Lincoln Rosario--”
No. Never again.
“I’m out.”
Kevin Rosario looked at his son like the boy had lost his mind. “What do you mean, you’re out?”
Lincoln stood up from where his father had forced him to sit on the couch for yet another lecture. Surprise colored his father’s face, and Kevin actually stepped back as Lincoln pushed by him to get to his room. The surprise didn’t last more than a moment, though, and Kevin was quick to follow.
“Answer me, boy! I am your father and I am talking to you and you are going to listen!”
But Lincoln didn’t listen. He wasn’t ever going to listen again. He grabbed a worn duffle bag off the floor, one he’d packed just for this occasion. Turning around to finally answer Kevin, he didn’t even get to open his mouth before his mother and sister were rushing down the hall towards them.
“ Dios mio, what’s all the yelling about?” Camila asked, looking from her husband to her son and back.
Lincoln gave her a flat look. “I’m leaving.”
He tried to shove his way past her, but his mother was quicker than he’d given her credit for. She caught him by his shoulders. “You are not leaving, Lincoln. We need to talk this out, like a family.”
It was Camila’s turn to look shocked as Lincoln jerked away from her and continued on into the living room. This time, Nina blocked his way.
“Don’t go, Linc! We can work this out, come on, don’t be like this,” she said desperately. Nina was almost twenty years old and yet she still looked like a pleading child. It hurt Lincoln to look at his baby sister on the verge of begging him. But he couldn’t let this keep going on.
“Move, Nina,” he said, trying to keep his voice level.
Kevin and Camila had followed the two into the living room, and Kevin grabbed his son’s shoulder and spun him around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Lincoln Rosario?” he yelled, face red in anger.
Finally, Lincoln exploded right back on his father. “I’m walking out! I am leaving! Comprende? I’m out and I’m not coming back, not to this fucking house.”
“You are not walking out that door. You are not walking out on your family!”
Kevin was screaming at him, and Lincoln was giving just as good as he got. “I’m out of patience with this family! I’m done and I’m going somewhere where I can be me without you hanging over my shoulder telling me that I have to be and do everything you want!”
The two were ready to keep up their fighting, but they were interrupted by a hiccuping sob from Camila. Lincoln stared dumbfounded at his mother, whom he’d never seen cry in his life. Tears had gathered in her eyes, a couple daring to trickle down her cheeks.
“We love you,” she said. Her normally strong, commanding voice was quieter than Lincoln had ever heard. “Lincoln, mijo , stay. Por favor. ”
She was pleading with him. His mother was pleading for him to stay and it struck almost as hard as Nina’s desperation. Lincoln matched her low voice, a huge difference from his fighting with Kevin. “I love you too, Mami. But you and Dad are never going to see me the way I see myself. I tried, Mami, I tried for so long. I just can’t live like this anymore.”
Kevin scoffed at that. “Live like what? Live with a roof over your head and food in your stomach and a constant paycheck?”
And gone was the gentle tone for his mother. Lincoln glared at his father, and if looks could kill then Kevin Rosario would be a dead man walking. “No, live lonely and suffering because I’ll never be the son that you wanted! Carajo , I’ll never even be the son you’ll accept! I’ve wasted my life trying for you. No matter what I do, all I’ve ever seemed to do is let you down. I’m gay and I want to write songs. I don’t want to be in the family business. You won't accept that, so I'll just get out of your way.”
“Lincoln Rosario, we are your parents. We have raised you and loved you. We have tried to help you be on the right track, and this is how you want to repay us? By running off to live like a starving man, trying to make money off your little songs and keeping your head in the clouds with ridiculous fantasies?” Kevin rolled his eyes at the idea. “You’re a man and you’ve got to act like one.”
Lincoln shook his head. “Of course that’s what you’d say. You have no idea what I’m about or who I am. I am a man, on my own terms. I’m sorry that I’m out of ways to make you happy, but there’s no reason to stay anymore. I’ve spent twenty-four years only hearing you shout and turn down my dreams. I’m not doing that anymore. I. Am. Out.”
“You’re not leaving. You’re bluffing,” Kevin said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself.
“Oh yeah?” Lincoln raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah.”
He dug in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. Keys to his taxi, the one he’d been driving since he started working at the dispatch. He'd had them for over eight years. Kevin watched in stunned silence as he threw the keys on the coffee table with a bitter, “Papi, take these.”
No one said anything for a moment. Lincoln was the one who broke the silence, but his voice was still quiet. “I wanted to cry when you gave me those. You grabbed my notebook out of my hand and shoved those at me. I couldn’t breathe. You didn't care.”
Kevin’s voice was blank as he asked, “Why did you keep writing in that thing? Even after I took it.”
“When I write a song, I’m somewhere miles beyond this place. Everything feels electric. Connected.” Lincoln’s voice took on a pleading tone, like he was asking his father to understand. He wanted his father to understand so badly, he always had. “When I write a song, I imagine you nodding your head in time. Listening the way you listen to your boleros. ”
Kevin didn’t speak for a moment. But then he looked Lincoln in the eyes and said, “You’re never going to make it. I am never going to listen to your songs.”
Camila made a little gasping sound. Nina made a noise like she’d been punched.
Lincoln held his father’s gaze. “So that’s gonna be how we left it. Okay then. It’s way past time to go.”
He turned to walk out. Nina grabbed his elbow, and Camila lurched forward to seize his other arm. “ Mijo, don’t go,” Camila begged, but Kevin pulled her back to him.
Without looking at any of them, Lincoln shook Nina off. “Mami, Nina, I’m sorry. Don’t cry. I’ll be back when I’ve made you proud.”
And he walked out. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
He didn’t look back, not even when he heard his mother start screaming for him to come back, then start screaming at Kevin to let me go, let me go, that’s my baby, I’ve got to stop him, why aren't you stopping him.
He didn’t look back, not even when he heard a thud, like someone had collapsed to the floor, and Nina started sobbing.
Lincoln walked down the street. He walked out of the barrio. He walked to the subway station. He walked and walked and walked and didn’t look back a single time. He was never going to look back again.
Peace and I’m out.