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Over half of his bases, gone in less than five minutes.
Ra’s should feel anger, outrage, over the young detective pulling one over on him. Instead all he felt was impressed. He knew that Tim Drake was something, ever since he took the fallen Robin under his wing while the bat was lost in the time stream. Timothy had proven himself in how he dealt with the council of spiders, but to best even himself, the great demon head, now that was no easy feat.
So yes, Ra’s was determined he would recruit Tim Drake, but first a little payback for the bases. Yes it would do no good to not prove himself a competent villain for Timothy to train under. Destroying wayne enterprises should suffice.
Not only would it send a message, but it would cripple Batman’s funds for his little vigilante business, Timothy might be more inclined to come work for Ra’s then.
—
Well that backfired.
Ra’s leaned back in his chair with a sigh of frustration.
Timothy was now CEO Wayne Entrprises. Ra’s didn’t even know that was possible, the boy was only 17, and a high school drop out on top of that. Somehow Timothy had managed to get emancipated. Ra’s didn’t know what judge in their right mind would approve that. Timothy may be in possession of one of the greatest minds of all time. But he was clearly incapable of taking care of himself. He was sleep deprived, and appeared to live off of coffee when left unsupervised. Honestly it was a shocker, the boy had lived this long.
Ra’s gave Timothy’s spleen, sitting in a jar on his desk, a long, considerate look. He wondered if the boy was keeping up with his antibiotics, or if he refused to take them just to further spite Ra’s.
Maybe he could file for adoption, now that Batman’s previous adoption attempt has been made void with this whole emancipation.
That would certainly be one way to recruit the boy. It would also make the whole appointing him as heir business a whole lot simpler.
Ra’s picked up the old dial phone, quickly spinning out the number for his lawyer.
His lawyer picked up on the third ring.
“Two-face,” Ra’s greeted, there were many lawyers more than willing to sell out and help a villain, a truly horrid profession, Ra’s immensely approved, but no one was better than Harvey Dent. “I have a legal issue, I was hoping to resolve. I wanted to know how I could go about adopting child.”
Harvey hummed, “well there’s some issues for that, no judge would approve a head of an assassin organization adopting a child.”
Ra’s scoffed, “I have more than enough resources to support a child.”
“It’s more to do with the assassins, child endangerment and all that,” Harvey said, “no worries, I have a loophole or two that I can exploit.”
Ra’s smiled, “fantastic, and if this child were emancipated? How would that effect the adoption.”
“Emancipated, you say.” Ra’s could hear Harvey’s frown on the other end of the line. “That complicates matters, technically, an emancipated minor is viewed as an adult in this kinda situation. Adult adoption is a thing, but you’ll need the kids' permission and signature on a whole bunch of forms.”
Ra’s frowned, tapping the jar with Tim’s spleen thoughtfully. There was no way he would get Tim to agree to signing guardianship over. Not only did the boy hate Ra’s but he avoided parental supervision like the plague.
“Is there any way to get guardianship, without the kid’s permission.”
Harvey hummed in thought. Ra’s could hear the flick and ping of his coin, over the other line. “A forgery wouldn't really hold up, it can be easily refuted, then you would have a whole identity fraud case on your hand. If the case was extreme, and you can prove that the kid is a risk to himself and in need of a guardian you could file for emergency guardianship.”
Ra’s immediate thought was that he could exploit Tim’s unhealthy dependence on caffeine, but no, Tim was too high functioning of an addict for that to hold up in court.
“So, you want to push for emergency guardianship,” Harvey asked.
“No,” Ra’s said, “thank you for your legal advice, unfortunately I think I may need to pursue less legal avenues.”
“No problem, give me a call if you change your mind. What’s the kid's name, by the way? Curiosity’s sake.”
“Red Robin,” Ra’s said, not wanting to out Tim’s secret identity, a layer of secrecy would serve the future demon head well.
Harvey froze. The pinging of his coin abruptly stopped. “Well that’s an entirely different legal matter.”
Ra’s frowned, “I don’t understand. Yes the child works for Batman, but Batman’s claims on his Robins have always been rather temporary.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Harvey said, “and this one is a ticking time bomb with how close he is to striking out on his own.”
“Yes,” Ra’s agreed, “and I will ensure that when he does strike out fully on his own it is on a path of villainy. I have already mentored him through the search for Batman, and through the takedown of a rivalling court. It is only a matter of time before he is under my wing completely.”
“You did what now?” Harvey made a pained noise, “God, okay, I can work with this. We’ll need a meeting, yeah, a meeting to sort all this out, I can probably get your name down in the paperwork. Not top one, maybe three? We’ll have to see. But yeah, I’ll get the meeting set up, send you the date and place. Oh, and snacks, you’ll definitely need to bring snacks.”
“Snacks?” Ra’s sneered, “What are you talking about Dent!”
But unfortunately Harvey Dent did not respond to demands like Ra’s assassins usually did and refused to elaborate.
“Look, I’m saving your ass here,” Harvey said, “you're gonna owe me, big time. So you're going to show up and you're going to bring the snacks if you don’t want to be dealing with a mega lawsuit.”
And with that Harvey hung up.
Ra’s growled and slammed the phone back into the receiver.
—
Harvey sent the meeting details over email two days later. The meeting was scheduled for the following week, in the dead of night at an abandoned warehouse, in one of the shadest parts of crime alley.
It all seemed perfectly reasonable.
A week later Ra’s was flying his jet out to the old Gotham airport, which had been closed down due to a joker bombing. His plane was packed with some of his best assassins, and sharpest knives, as well as five different bags of chips and dips, and two crates of mountain dew. The soda reminded him of his beloved Lazarus pits.
The warehouse was empty when Ra’s arrived, except for Dent. Harvey had gotten a conference table to be situated in the large space, and even managed to have a couple of lights, even if they were flickering.
“Take a seat.” Harvey said, gesturing to one of the many chairs surrounding the conference table, “the others should be here soon.”
Ra’s didn’t bothering asking who the others were. Harvey had been cryptic and refusing to answer any of Ra’s questions ever since Ra’s brought up Red Robin’s name. Citing Client confidentiality. And although it went against everyone of his instincts Ra’s was choosing to trust Two Face. He had been an excellent lawyer for years, and had helped him through many lawsuits over property damage, and worker disputes over healthcare. Honestly assassins these days.
Slowly fellow villains began to trickle in. Most of them from Gotham, like the Riddler and Clayface, some would classify as more of a grayzone than a complete villain, vigilantes like Huntress and Catwoman. Then there were the villains who had clearly flown in just as Ra’s had, Lex Luther, and even Lady Shiva.
Ra’s frowned as that last one came and sat down, Shiva was not the sort to bother herself with silly antics and meetings called out of the blue. Whatever was going on down here, clearly was important to warrant such attendance. Still Ra’s said nothing, he had learned a good thousand years ago or so that it was better to let your silence speak for you.
So Ra’s sat back straight with a gaze of steel as he stared down the rest of the attendees.
Finally Harvey sat down at the head of the table, he took out a brief case pulling out a large stack of documents, “Let’s get started.”
“I heard there were snacks,” Harley immediately said.
Ra’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded towards his assassins, who quickly brought the snacks out, laying them out on the table. “Now, what is this about?” Ra’s asked, leaning back.
“We called dibs.” Harley said.
Ra’s frowned, exasperated, “yes, take whatever of the snacks you would like.”
“No,” Harley said, “not on the snacks, on Red Robin, we called dibs. You can’t have him.”
Ra’s, what's the term Tim always used, Ah yes. Ra’s bluescreened.
“What?” was all Ra’s managed to say.
“Dibs,” Harley said, pulling open a bag of chips, “we called dibs on Red Robin for when he snaps and goes dark, ya can’t have him you old slimebag.”
“You can’t call dibs on a person.” Ra’s said.
Harley tossed a chip into her mouth, chewing loudly, “Can too. Tell him Harves.”
Ra’s looked over at Harvey Dent in barely constrained fury, two faced indeed, he thought.
“Look Harley is right, the contracts were drawn up years ago, there is a list of who has claim over Red Robin as a sidekick for when he snaps. But worry not, we can work you into the contract.”
“Like hell we will,” Harley said, “I don’t like the looks of him.”
“I agree with Harley.” Lady Shiva said, “we have already discussed this at length and come to an agreement, I don’t see why we should write another villain into the contract, especially one who has already broken the rules and gone ahead and tried to recruit the young boy.”
“Now, now ladies,” Harvey reasoned, “my client has been until recently unaware of previous agreements. As such, any actions in conflict with the contract should be null and void.”
“Absolutely not!” Harley exclaimed.
“I don’t know,” Clayface piped in, “he did bring us snacks.”
Harley looked down at her bag of chips betrayed.
“So it’s settled then,” Harvey said, with a crooked grin.
Ra’s never expected this type of resistance when it came to making Tim his protegee and heir, but no matter, he was the demon head. He would come out on top.
Ra’s straightened his shoulders. “I would have Red Robin to be my heir, the next demon head of the league of assassins.”
“No,” Lady Shiva said curtly.
Ra’s raised an eyebrow.
Shiva tilted her chin up in defiance, “I have taught the boy everything he knows. Training him in hand to hand, and his primary weapon, the bo staff. I have primary claim over Red Robin’s villainous path.”
“Yeah, she has dibs.” Harley said.
Shiva pursed her lips, “primary claim.”
Harley kicked her feet up onto the table, “that’s what I said.”
“Yes, yes, as Harley likes to call it, Lady Shiva has dibs on Red Robin when he goes dark,” Harvey, “she ranks first in the list, as she was the first villain to interact amicably with the boy back in his early days as Robin. And even has a seal of endorsement from the boy himself.”
“A seal of endorsement?” Ra’s asked, a spike of jealousy shooting through him.
Shiva nodded smugly, “I asked him to be my Robin, and he only refused out of needing to help Batman.”
Ra’s crossed his arms, petulantly, he had only gotten Timothy to agree to working with him out of a necessity to help Batman. And Timothy had only agreed quite reluctantly.
“Well then,” Ra’s proclaimed, “I am second on the list, after Shiva has had her time with the boy, he will be my heir.”
Harvey cleared his throat, “About that…”
“Eddie has second dibs!!!” Harley crowed, “And me too, we have a joint custody agreement.”
Ra’s glowered, “And why would the Riddler come before me?”
Lady Shiva, he could understand, she was the most dangerous woman alive, and on multiple occasions had worked with the League of Assassins. But a fool who told jokes for a living?
“Riddle me this, who has solved 80% of my riddles?” Eddie smirked, “not Batman that's for sure, that boy’s mind is a gift.”
Ra’s huffed, the question mark fool had a point, Timothy’s mind was unrivaled.
“Fine the Riddler, can be second.” Ra’s said.
“And me too!!” Harley exclaimed, “joint custody! I get him every other weekend, for some crime therapy.”
Ra’s blinked, did he dare even ask? “Crime Therapy?”
“Yeah, going evil’s a big shift from all the hero stuff, ya mind has to adjust, five stages of grief and all, talking about your feelings, accepting your new way of life, and punching, lots and lots of punching, or maybe hitting. I’m thinking about getting him an emotional bat, cause he used to be a bat ya know. Oh! And then we’ll be matching!”
Ra’s regrets asking.
“Fine,” he says again, through clenched teeth, “Lady Shiva is first in line, than Riddler and Quinn, then me, I’ll be third, and Red Robin will be my heir to the League of Assassins."
“Nope, nope, that simply won’t work,” Lex Luther chimed in with a diplomatic smile, “He’ll be too busy running LexCorp.”
Ra’s snarled, “you have no claim over Red Robin, you're not even a gotham villain.”
Lex’s smile widened, “on the contrary, with the way things seem to be heading, I am going to be the kid’s father-in-law.”
Ra’s glare deepened. “The clone.”
“Yes, Conner.”
“Heya, wait a minute Lexie.” Harley said sitting up and throwing her empty chip bag to the side, “what parental claims do ya even have? Some genetics? The kid supes doesn’t even live with ya! Are you even paying child support?”
Lex’s smile dropped, he shot a look over to Harvey.
Harvey flipped his coin, sighed, and said, “I’ll have the paperwork filled out for you tomorrow.”
Lex shot Harley a triumphant look. Harley just stuck out her tongue at him.
Harvey heaved a sigh again. “Now, on with the contract. After Lex comes Catwoman, she has claims on the boy due to her role as a stepmother figure.”
“Her and Batman failed to get married.” Ra’s argued, bewildered. “My daughter at least actually married him, and is the actual mother of one of his children, Red Robin’s brother.”
“The stabby one?” Selina asked with a raised eyebrow, looking up from where she had been sharpening her nails, completely indifferent to the majority of the conversation.
Ra’s flushed a deep angry crimson, flustered. Mentioning Daiman really wasn’t helping his case. Still Catwoman’s claim was weak at best, he looked around the table, waiting for someone else to agree.
No one said a word.
Ra’s huffed, stupid batman and stupid catwoman with their will they won’t they.
Harvey cleared his throat, “after Catwoman comes the Huntress, who had a partnership with the boy back in his early days, particularly whenever Batman chose to bench the young Robin.”
Huntress nodded, “solving crime, and helping that kid through his English homework. It was a struggle.”
The rest of the table nodded reverently.
“Kept our boy from failing,” Harley said.
“And taught him appreciation for the monologue," said Clayface.
“Yes, yes,” Harvey said, “to wrap up after Huntress we have Clayface, who finishes us off. Now Ra’s I can slot you into the contract, after huntress but before Clayface. And little else to the contract has to change.”
There were objections all around.
“Second to last?” Ra’s asked affronted, “Place me before Catwoman, her claim is weak and wouldn’t stand up in court.”
“A group of villains arguing over custody for a kid who is emancipated,” Catwoman said unimpressed, “none of this would hold up in court. I stay fourth on the list.”
Ra’s growled, “then after Huntress.”
“But the monologue!!" Clayface cried, “and I refuse to be placed after this interloper.”
“You would set me dead last,” Ra’s asked with a deathly threatening calm, “I the demon head, leader of the league of assassins.”
Clayface gulped, and slumped down in his seat. Ra’s was about to grin and glare down the next in the list, when Lady Shiva spoke up.
“Yes,” she said, “set him last, Ra’s is immortal, he can have Red Robin in a hundred years, after we're long gone and done with our villiany.”
Harley frowned, “but wouldn’t Red Robin also be long gone.”
“Hm,” Huntress said thoughtfully, “Red Robin might as well be immortal, I have lost count of the amount of times he has pulled all nighters fighting crime on a school night and lived off a pack of zesti and coffee the next morning at school. I’m not even sure how he’s currently alive.”
Huh. Ra’s thought back to the spleen on his desk. And of Timothy’s caffeine consumption that had not once slowed despite the loss of vital organ. Huntress might have a point. But Ra’s wasn’t going to take any chances.
“I will accept those terms, as long as I have permission to use a lazarus pit on the boy annually once his descent to villainy commences.”
Harvey nodded, “sounds reasonable, any objections? No? Okay sold, Lazarus pit use, annually.” he said noting it down.
Huntress frowned in thought again, “if Ra’s gets custody before he is up in the list, I would like part time custody too.”
“I have custody one day a year.” Ra’s said, already, ready to object.
Huntress shrugged, “still. I want a couple of days a week, to help the kid work his way through the rest of his schooling, get him his GED.”
Ra’s paused, that wasn’t actually a bad idea. Everyone else nodded in agreeance.
“I too would like part time custody with huntress for the boy’s schooling. I can be his drama instructor.” Clayface said, “His ability to take on a disguise, to truly become a character is unrivaled. Alvin Drapper, a work of genius, I would hate for his talents to go to waste.”
Ra’s found himself nodding along, “and you can teach him more on the art of the villainous monologue."
“Yes!” Clayface cried in joy, “brilliant idea.”
“Okay, now that's a wrap everyone,” Harvey announced, “same order as before, with Ra’s added at the end a hundred years from Red Robin’s villain decent, and with Huntress and clayface, taking a larger custody role to finish up the boy’s civilian schooling. Everyone happy?”
They all nodded.
“ Great!” Harvey grinned, the smile stretching fully across both sides of his face, “I’ll get this all written out and send out documents for you all to sign in the next couple of days. Good work everyone.”
Ra’s nodded, and smiled in contentment. All was planned out nicely. Nothing would stand in his way of having Timothy be his heir.
Well except for the boy himself. But Timothy was bound to turn to villainy one of these days. It was like Harvey Dent had said, the kid’s a ticking time bomb, he has all this potential and it needed to go somewhere now that he is free from Batman.
And Timothy may object at first to being the heir to the league of assassins, but he had a hundred years to get used to the idea.
The boy can’t possibly that stubborn. Right?