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“So… What's really going on with the pipis?” Tenna had been very clever about when to bring up the question, waiting until Spamton lit his second cigarette as they are unwinding from the show today in Tenna's office. They have by now settled into that comfortable silence that was slowly becoming more routine and always made Tenna feel so giddy about the possibilities of them being a lot closer than they were now.
Even then, it seemed to catch Spamton off guard. Watching him cough up the smoke he'd just inhaled and stare at Tenna as if he'd suddenly grown eyes or confessed that he didn't care about the Ligthners. “The DEAL… Tenna, buddy, what are you even ON?” Spamton shook his head in disbelief. “You've been holding onto that for a while, haven't you? Ha, no doubt you fucking were.”
Spamton grew silent as he flicked the ashes of his cigarette into the ashtray out of habit, seemingly pondering what to say to Tenna, knowing him he was probably considering what lie might convince Tenna to back off, something he always resorted to when a question struck too close to home for the ex-Addison… Or at least that what it looked like he was doing. Making Spamton tell the truth about anything was like pulling teeth, really.
As the silence dragged on, Tenna was on the verge of apologizing for overstepping, considering that none of his questions before now had ever struck the other into such a hanging silence. Made Tenna began to think he shouldn't have asked at all, but the mailman surprised him with an awkward smile and an expression that seemed almost unfamiliar on the Big Shot's face.
“I— Why do you wanna know? Did something, erm, happen? Were there any explosions?” Spamton's response was far from what Tenna expected.
“No, of course not! Could that even happen?! And how is it you're not sure if—” Tenna felt his antennas stand in attention as possible scenarios started running through his brain. All he was meaning to do was discover what the heck Ramb had meant with saying "That bloke's eggs do not seem that delicious to be serving them, mate" it had never cross Tenna's mind that Spamton would respond with such an absurd answer.
“Tenna—” Spamton tried to interject, but Tenna was too worked up to hear anything but his own thoughts.
“I mean, if that had happened (something I hope hasn't happened for both our sakes), can you imagine the paperwork? Heck, the censors would be all over me about maintaining a safe workplace environment! Can you believe the nightmare that would be, Spamton!? I can't believe you didn't—”
“My God, Ant, listen to me!”
“What if the kids had seen that? What if someone tried to take a lunch break midair and suddenly exploded into millions of tiny pieces?! We'd have to cut off transmission early. With how things have been lately, maybe that would be the last straw for us getting put off air, I already see Tori staring in disappointment as she puts the—”
“You're overreacting!” Spamton snapped sounding really annoyed and glaring daggers towards the TV host.
Tenna continued, naturally, as if the little mailman had any right to be acting as so even after Tenna being his boss and having to have know this type of stuff beforehand to keep branding intact. “We need to remove every food item we sell with the pipis! It's just great, perfect!” He said trying his best to not sound overly sarcastic. “Otherwise we will hold accountable someone makes a purchase and how the customer being harm would make us liable to being sued! Oh no, what if someone has already been hurt? I should definitely ask Mike to—”
A sudden loud whistle interrupted Tenna's frantic ramble. Spamton was smirking slightly, as if amused by Tenna's distress. Even though he was the one who initiated this whole thing in the first place and should have disclosed that any of this was a possibility before he had suggested to put the pipis in their vending machines!
The mix of annoyance and fondness was unmistakable once Spamton began speaking. “Tenna, boss man, I'm like ninety-nine percent sure none of the pipis I gave you are actual bullet ones… At worst, someone might have found a little version of me in their food instead of a bomb, jeez.” He said without care as he started rolling his still lit cigarette around his fingers, as if Tenna was the one in the wrong about this whole thing.
“The– NOT BULLET– Find–? A MINI-WHAT!?” Tenna exclaimed, not realizing he'd grown in his surprise until he noticed Spamton sounded more distant than usual and the fact his chair had fall as he had grown… Oops.
“Come on, Cathode, let me explain before you panic! Talk about being hot-headed, Angel above…” Spamton bristle, and he wasn't exactly pouting, but he definitely seemed annoyed at Tenna's reaction as if he didn't see the gravity of the situation! Which of course he didn't, ugh. Tenna should have expected a Cyber Darkner to be so uncaring…
Still, Tenna he… He had to understand what the pipis actually were, now more than ever considering the high risk they seem to present! So, he took a deep breath to calm himself and shrank back to his usual size and pulling his chair back in place as he did even if he stayed standing just a bit longer. Once he did, it became clear that although Spamton appeared irritated, his cheeks had an unmistakable pink hue, as if he felt embarrassed about even discussing the pipis and their dubious edibility…
Oh? That definitely was interesting to say the least…
“Explain yourself then! I should already know everything there is to know about stuff we sell with MY name.” Tenna retorted, attempting to sound less exasperated, as though he didn't have some past interest about the pipis as a whole before he even knew they were anything but clams.
Spamton rolled his eyes and finally extinguished the cigarette he was holding. He nonchalantly sat on Tenna's desk, seemingly indifferent to the papers now in disarray. Tenna didn't even bother scolding him anymore; if he was honest, he kind of enjoyed these antics the other seem inclined to do, as unprofessional as they were they gave Tenna a sense of excitement similar to a successful show or a well-played game… Kinda of was the Spamton charm as the salesman would claim.
“Alright… I– But you have to promised that this won't leave this place, got it Cathode?” Spamton pointed a finger towards the TV Host and this close together Tenna could see how the other was sweating. Spamton G. Spamton was that nervous about anything! It sounded so unbelievable and yet… The pipis somehow were that important to him.
“Yes, I swear to not let this get out to the press!” Tenna said as he made an act of putting a hand over were his SOUL should be if he was a Lightner. The other bristled at the whole thing, through he seemed to relax ever so slightly he even let himself rest more comfortably against the table. Always just so near to acting like Tenna expected him to and still showing those small things that made the TV question just how much he knew the new worker.
There was a brief silence afterward, during which Spamton closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and suddenly, in that pixelated swirl unique to Cyber World Darkners, a pipis appeared in Spamton's hands. Oh!
"How did that happen?" Tenna asked, instinctively reaching out to grab the pipis. However, Spamton reacted quickly, moving both himself and the pipis as far away as possible without tipping over. This startled both of them, prompting a moment of silence as they stared at each other.
Spamton blushed, looked away, and mumbled, "Shit, I— Sorry— Here." He then handed the pipis to Tenna. "You'll be slightly hurt if I, uh, did it right, so just… Be careful."
Tenna couldn't help but smile as he turned the egg-shaped object over in his hands. It was oddly warm and seemed to move a bit. Then, the pipis cracked open. Instead of an expected explosion—given Spamton's warning—Tenna was surprised to see a mini version of Spamton in his mail outfit with angel wings fluttering around him, laughing just like Spamton. It was adorable. The TV Darkner lifted a hand to touch the tiny angel, but instead, the mini-Spamton hugged his finger before doing another lap around Tenna. It straightened his antennae, patted him on the back, and vanished in a similar swirl to which it had appeared.
"THAT WAS NOT—" Spamton's face was more flushed than ever, making it almost impossible to tell he wasn't naturally red. Standing up in front of Tenna, he began snapping his fingers. More pipis appeared but they only cracked open into angel versions of Spamton, eager to show their appreciation for Tenna. "YOU LITTLE TROUBLEMAKERS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"
Tenna couldn't help but giggle. "Oh? So the pipis do whatever they want? That must mean I'm very special to be causing such a mess!" Amid the angels that had been summoned, two of them approached Spamton, patting him on the head, which only made the mailman even angrier.
"YOU- NO! THEY ARE-" Spamton slapped away one of the angels attempting to comfort him. When Tenna tried to catch the little creature to stop it from hitting the floor, he was left grasping air as the angel vanished. Right. "THEY ARE PART OF MY CODE! Normally, they do whatever I need them to… Not… Be F1 Angels…"
Spamton seemed defeated, as if realizing something crucial while trying to explain the situation. Tenna wasn't entirely on the same page as his partner, but he was delighted to learn more about his mailman.
"F1 Angels?" questioned Tenna. As he mentioned the name, another angel appeared as if summoned by his words. "Oh! Would you look at that, folks! I can do this magic too!"
"Pft. No, you…" Spamton sighed, avoiding looking directly at Tenna as though it were the plague. "It's an Addison thing… I've never had them come out of pipis before… They usually just show up when I call them."
"That's really cool!" Tenna responded, trying to reassure him, though still unsure why it seemed embarrassing. "So, is it like a part of your magic? Can the pipis defend you, heal you, or… become little angels?"
Spamton bit his lip and nodded as he said under his breath, "Basically…. Yep.."
And even though it clearly wasn't the truth at all Tenna wouldn't press him further. After all, he had opened up more than enough for one night. They had plenty of time to become even closer! Just half a year ago, Tenna hadn't even known Spamton, and now look at them—best business partners ever. Spamton had become the much-needed help, handling almost everything alongside his mysterious assistant Mike. From what Tenna had heard, Mike seemed like a phenomenal aid. It might be a good idea to ask Spamton where Mike lived, which would make it easier to discuss in person how the lights and transitions for the show should be handled, even though Tenna had managed on his own since he was unboxed...
But that was business, and they were having a much needed rest, so Tenna push the matter aside. After all there was one thing that needed saying before Tenna let the matter rest for now...
"Will you still check to make sure none of the pipis we're selling are explosives... please?"
Naturally, that comment only earned him a bark of laughter from Spamton.
Pipis were certainly strange, and even after Spamton explain how the clams were not always deadly, Tenna still was confuse about whatever Ramb said about them but well, maybe it was just that old rivalry the two seem to have ever since Spamton joined TV Time, it certainly would explain all the egg jokes Ramb makes about the clams, more probably then not because calling the pipis as eggs seems to anger Spamton.
But well, Tenna knew better now! And he knew that this only meant progress in learning the secret to Spamton's success! Any day now he will know everything the mailman has to hide to make everything go his way.
He just knew it deep in his TV hearth.
Tenna could barely believe it, how was it that it had already been ten years since Spamton had joined TV World, it still felt as if just yesterday Tenna had been on the look out for a new mailman to keep things fresh around, and now here they were Spamton long behind his mail days and every day becoming closer to be as much of a star as Tenna, and hopefully more once they formerly became co-stars!
Considering how in his time here Spamton had managed to grow closer to Tenna, the TV host believed that today was going to be the final night were the little mailman would keep the key to his success, to being a Big Shot, to himself. It had to be.
After all, Spamton had been nervous all day, even through the little segment Tenna made to celebrate the anniversary today. It had to mean the other was finally going to say it, right? Heck, as soon as the party had started to die down a bit Spamton had taken Tenna to a corner, kissed his cheek and giving him a look over his glasses as he asked. "Wanna take a ride around town?"
And well now here they were driving somewhere in the middle of the night. It was exciting, even more so because Tenna knew for fact he was not needed back home considering Asriel had just sneaked out with Kris on his tail so he knew damn well this two were not going to be missing Tenna while he was being selfish and taking time to be alone with Spamton.
They eventually pull over one of the bridges that connected Cyber City and TV World, it looked beautiful at night and it felt more than romantic considering how considering the hour how lonely the streets were. No one was coming or going over at this hour after all, the perfect place for Spamton to finally say what Tenna had been waiting a decade yo hear him say.
"It's lovely here." Tenna said, when after a long bit Spamton did not move to say or do anything. "We should go sit outside to see the lights better, I rarely get to see Cyber World's firework shows."
Spamton chuckle nervously and only once Tenna fully turned to look at him did he seem to manage to get the strength to answer. "Yeah! Let's, uhm, let's go sit on the fence…"
He was acting weird, but well, it was not like he ever opened up with Tenna, it had still taken him 5 years to even admit to Tenna that the pipis were not in fact clams but rather eggs, which had cleared out just so much about those little things. Heck, even last week had been the first time Spamton admitted the fact he did need glasses to read as much as he rarely, if ever, wore them.
That is to say that if things were going as Tenna expect them to, his nervousness was more than justified! Really! This was just amazing, Tenna knew today was just gonna be perfect ever since he woke up, of course his dear mailman just had to put the cherry on top, always so perfect even when he didn't mean to.
Spamton's hands were shaking and Tenna ached to take them and tell the other to relax, but well he was excited on his own, the only thing that could make Tenna felt anything else right now was if anyone from the studio decided to be a nuance and call to ask for something stupid, like if they should turn everything off when leaving as if Mike had not been doing that ever since Spamton bought him in.
Thankfully his partner seem to get a hold of himself, even if he still seem to not be able to look at Tenna in the face. "I wanted to give you something, you know, I- Well, it has been a big day for us."
"It has." Tenna agreed as he tried his best to not inch too close and to not grow too big in his anticipation.
He just couldn't believe that almost a decade ago he was this excited only because Spamton had showed him one of his Helping Angels when so many years later here he was about to finally said something bigger than anything. Something that would make their lives take a proper shake.
And he was more than ready for it.
"It's not-" Spamton started and his hands came to hold the fence with a white knuckle hold, he was really struggling with this, wasn't he? That was fine, Tenna understood how it was, he just was not used to opening up. "I have wanted to told you for a while, heck, I was so sure for a while that you must already know all about it considering how long I've been around, but… I know you don't and that it's time for me to say this."
Spamton's beautiful raven eyes finally turned to Tenna's screen, that awkward smile that was nothing like the slick salesman Spamton was but was more honest than any other smile the ex-Addison could have given him. Tenna could only smiled back as his heart start beating like crazy, thank the Angel it was all artificial otherwise who knows if Tenna would pass out from excitement alone of finally having Spam fully open up.
"I hope you still want me around after I, you know," Spamton said, still beating around the bush, he had even hidden his hands on his jacket were his usually kept his cigarettes. Weirdly enough he didn't pull one out. "Say everything, and like I will understand if this is not something you want, I honestly never thought I would!"
Spam chuckles at his own comment and hang his head low, he is really dragging this out, which maybe is why Tenna interrupts him, even as much as he knows how much his partner hates to be interrupt when he is rambling about a very specific subject.
"Your secret will be safe with me, Spammy, you know that." As much as it will probably not help Spamton relax considering they are still in a somewhat public space, Tenna puts a reassuring hand on Spamton's back which surprisingly does make him melting into the touch. Cute, then he really must be stress about this to just fold as soon as Tenna touched him.
"Well, I hope not for long." He says as he pulls his hands out of his jacket alongside a… Pipis? Why was he carrying around a pipis? "I would hope our kid to not be a secret forever… You know."
Our–
The pipis–
A SECRET–
"What."
Spamton blinked.
Tenna felt as if he did too.
He must have just misheard Spamton.
This did not made any sense. A KID? How would they have a KID? It sure was a nice fantasy, but that was it. Pure imagination, just hopes and dreams, you know, because Darkners did not have kids! So to say they could was dumb. It was, and it could not be. Tenna knew it, he had to learned that eventually and would never forget the sad reality.
So, what on all of TV World was Spamton on? Oh God, had he been doing lines again? Tenna had told him to cut it off before he started getting too lost in the feeling, but the little fucker must have ignore Tenna's advice, as he always did because he was a Big Shot and Big Shot did not follow stupid order like not getting high when working on LIVE television–
Gosh what was he even thinking saying that as he brought out a pipis? Was he expecting Tenna to believe that the eggs could be fertile? What–
"Tens. I. What do you mean with what? Are you serious?" Spamton asked, right, he sounded just as confused as Tenna, because of course he did. This had to be a silly misunderstanding then! Phew. Tenna could not believe he had almost believed Spamton saying the pipis had a baby! As if that made any sense.
"Oh forgive me," Tenna answered embarrass as he waved at him and try his best to get himself put back together. "I think I just misunderstood what you say, it just sounded like you were saying the pipis in your hands could be a Darkner! Such a silly thing to even imagine really! Ha!"
Somehow the salesman was only looking more confused as he looked down at the pipis in his hands before looking back up to Tenna in disbelief, as if Tenna was the one saying nonsensical stuff. "Uhm, no, that's quite literally what I just said."
Was this a prank? It had to be, some special prank his little mailman was pulling because of the ten year anniversary of them working together, ha, how silly of him to be doing this! Were was Mike with the camera?
"Ha, ha, I get it, you wanted to caught me off guard. But come on, I'm a big TV, I know Darkners don't have babies, Spam!"
"What." Now Spamton sounded as confused as Tenna felt, and his eyebrows had instantly turn up in confusion as a frown make it's way there too, now why was he getting annoyed? Did he really think Tenna would fall for that? "What– You– Since when can Darkners not have off spring?! You literally are anal about us using protection as much as possible! You don't make any sense."
This was getting ridiculous. Tenna was massaging the front of his screen to keep himself back from screaming. Spamton could sometimes be so impossible…
"Condoms do not function like that for us, though, they just make clean up easier and make it so I at least don't worry about what you bring when, well, you share your bed with others."
That comment seem to infuriate Spamton more than anything and he slowly shoved the pipis in Tenna's hand as rage seem to raise through his whole body. "You calling me a slut, big guy?" He shoved a finger directly into Tenna's chest as he growl and took a ball of Tenna's shirt in his hands. "Because if anything I should be the one worry about that, I mean, have you seen how Ramb and the Weather Duo act whenever you guys have meetings? I think I'm not the one with worried about STDs out of both of us, Bitch."
And that was unacceptable. Oh was that unacceptable! "How do you dare to suggest I would do such things in the studio where MY family could see! Or that I would even do such things with my employees of all people! I mean, are you hearing yourself, Spamton?!"
"Oh believe me, I'm hearing myself, are you hearing yourself?" He snarled back, because he was being an asshole about this.
And boy, was Tenna was more than ready to give a piece of his mind to Spamton, but as he was preparing to start a rant just about how out of the two the ex-Addison definitely was who sleep more around, he had felt the pipis in his hands suddenly start to shake as well as starting making a sound that was… Like a chirp?
Both men froze at the sound. Tenna's instantly turning to the weight in his hands, staring down at the egg in disbelief, what on earth had just happened? How was the pipis chirping?
"Did it just-?" Tenna found himself asking as he brought the egg closer to his screen and started analyzing it with his antennae… Only to found out how warm it was and how it kept shaking as well as… As having a steady heartbeat inside that was barely audible. What on the Angel's name was happening?!
"SEE! I TOLD YOU!" Spamton scream, he looked like a madman as he tried to scramble to stand on the fence to he could take the pipis in hand. "I know you don't know much about Addisons and stuff, which is WHY I was trying to explain how last month I got nesting instincts for the first time in my life and how this little shit appeared after we, you know…"
Spamton's touch over the egg was softer than it even was with the 'dero which really should speak volumes about how sure he was about the pipis being, well, an actual egg, which as unbelievable as it sounded seem to be the truth… Which meant Spamton was holding his kid. The pipis was a kid. The pipis was a Darkner and real and had become as so after they…
"You mean to tell me I got you pregnant?"
The red that had rise to Spamton's face in his anger seem to slowly be replace by a more pinkish look, it always was a delight to see the color show that Spamton's face could be at the best and worst of time, tonight it only made Tenna felt like this moment was more real.
"You could say it like that… I guess…" He mumble in response as he kept on petting the pipis which seem to just keep on chirping as if fearing they would go back to fighting if it stopped… Which maybe hold some truth to it, ha! Or maybe their kid was just trying to comfort them after Tenna started freaking out without thinking things through…
"We are going to be parents." Tenna was still struggling to wrap his TV around this whole thing, but he already felt the slight excitement start to bloom in his stomach. This was happening. Somehow, SOMEHOW one of his darkest fantasy was starting to build itself in front of him as if it was meant to always be like this. As if he had not kept himself from ever thinking this could ever happen ever since he saw Toriel pregnant…
"If you want to… I will hope so." Spamton wanted this as much…
He…
This…
They were having a baby.
TENNA WAS HAVING A BABY OF HIS OWN! HE WAS GOING TO BE A DAD!
Tenna could not hold back the grin that the statement brought to his screen, he could only hold his partner alongside his kid as he spin them all around without care. "SPAMMY! YOU ARE AMAZING AS ALWAYS! MAKING THE IMPOSSIBLE BE I SWEAR!"
The mailman was smiling from ear to ear and the chirping from their kid only intensify at the action, now this definitely was not the surprise Tenna expected when Spam asked them to come out here but it was fantastic all the same! Tenna was already imagining how their Little Star could look, having Spamton's beautiful black hair, having Tenna's showmanship! Oh, their kid was gonna steal everyone's heart he already knew it!
"I'm glad, big guy… I'm really glad." Spam said before he let himself get lost in the sudden excitement, hearing Tenna start to ramble all about the plans for their Little Star, about how she was going to steal the show and put their names to shame next to her own, because Tenna swears he could already felt that she was gonna by a beautiful little girl, calling it Dad instincts.
It certainly was not what Tenna had expected out of anything, heck, even after all this years Tenna though he understood at least one aspect of Spamton, but somehow the salesman still had surprises on him, but well, he had always been that interesting with all his calls and Mike.
Oh! Tenna should call Ramb so they could start planning a baby shower! Oh, this was just amazing, Tenna was going to do something that was unique to Lightners, or had seem as so for the longest of times, all because his little miracle-maker had managed to done it again…
Spamton was going to one day let Tenna be the one to make him this great, he swears to someday get back at him for everything he had done for the TV. Yes, once Tenna learns his secret to be a Big Shot he knows he will be able to spoil the other rotten as well as their Little Star! It's going to be perfect!