Work Text:
“You know,” Wonwoo hummed as he leaned his elbows on the countertop while texting on his phone and side-glancing Soonyoung, “it's unhealthy to eat anything after nine in the evening.”
Soonyoung looked up as he shoved another spoonful of the cereal he's been addicted to the past few weeks into his mouth before he started chewing, grabbing his own phone and unlocking it to reveal the current time of two minutes before three in the morning. “Well,” he shrugged as he stuck his spoon back in the milk once again, “it's a good thing that time is just a social construct.”
The older one yelped as he felt the painful delivery of a flick to the forehead by the younger one’s middle finger. “You always say that kind of shit during this time.”
Standing up and firmly grasping his bowl, Soonyoung frowned as he went to the fridge to get more milk for the box of chocolate cereal that was already out on the other side of the counter. The two heads turned as they heard footsteps and yawning approach the kitchen. Jihoon yawned, “Why are you two still up?”
“Why is that even a question?” Wonwoo snickered.
“Touche,” Jihoon nodded as he stole Soonyoung’s stool at the countertop, causing the one pouring the cereal into his bowl to whine. “Again, Soonyoung?”
“Let me live!” Soonyoung grumbled as he came back with his bowl overflowing with cereal and milk back to the counter.
“I’ll let you live when you learn how to cook.”
“I can cook!”
“Cereal doesn’t count,” Wonwoo interjected.
“Shit. Fine, I can’t cook,” Soonyoung rolled his eyes as he began to dig out into his cereal.
“Why are you up, Ji?” Wonwoo asked as he locked his phone and put it face down on the marble surface.
“Been studying for my test tomorrow… Thought I’d take a coffee break and study for another hour before crashing. Roasting Soonyoung seems to be an effective method though.” Soonyoung frowned up at the two and saluted his middle finger at them both. “Hey,” Jihoon grinned, “ride and die together, remember?”
They both snickered as Soonyoung finished his bowl and gently placed it at the bottom of the sink before grabbing the sponge on the left side of the sink and turning the water to a lukewarm temperature. He mumbled to himself how he’s always the target with their jokes as the other two talked amongst themselves. Truthfully, he didn’t mind though. In fact, he was a good sport with the hits compared to the other three.
Wonwoo took some of the jokes to heart, usually writing in his thoughts journal how he doesn’t know if his habit of holding doors for people make him vulnerable to being taken advantage of by elders.They don’t mess around with him as much anymore. Jihoon would always threaten to shove his fist up the their asses— which Junhui certainly didn’t mind, but the other two did— or various other threats. Once, their friend, Kim Mingyu, asked Jihoon how the weather was down there and the scene ended with Mingyu on the floor of the new dining hall screaming with ketchup and ice cream over his face. They don’t mess with Jihoon. Junhui was a different story entirely as he brought up related conspiracy theories that usually made the guys ponder for the entire week about their existence and their life choices. (This was especially bad for Soonyoung who has too many existential crises to count.)
Soonyoung was the last choice, and a good one at that. He never held the jokes against the guys, he never threatened them (or at least everyone knew he wouldn’t come through with them), and he usually just shrugged it off and went on with his life.
After washing his dishes, Soonyoung waved at the other two who were chatting up a storm about the new book Wonwoo bought at the nearby bookstore that had similar personality traits to their friends. He peeked into Junhui’s room, even though the door was wide open so it wasn’t technically ‘peeking,’ seeing his older friend lying down on his mattress with the blanket covering his bare back as he was scrolling through his phone.
“What are you up to, Junnie?”
Junhui looked up and hummed. “There’s this gameplay of a new indie game--”
Soonyoung gasped and jumped onto Junhui’s bed, causing his friend’s body to lift off his mattress as his eyes were still glued to his phone. He threw his blanket over Soonyoung’s back and moved the screen so the two of them can see it.
“Oh, is this Hansol’s video? I didn't know he had access to the beta.”
Junhui nodded. “Apparently, him and Jisoo hyung got the key from the developers to show their viewers. They've been getting more subscribers too.”
“It's because of their reactions when they play horror games,” snickered Soonyoung. They continued watching their friends’ video until Junhui felt a weight on his shoulder. Literally. Soonyoung knocked out and started snoring lightly only ten minutes into the video.
Junhui moved the pillow his elbows were resting atop of to his left and carefully placed Soonyoung’s head on it, smiling when his friend continued to snore peacefully.
In the morning, Junhui turned and saw Soonyoung with his eyes wide open staring at the ceiling. He stretched and rubbed his eyes as he turned to his friend and whispered. “Morning Soo-”
“Shush, Junnie.”
The drowsy feeling in Junhui suddenly vanished as he looked at Soonyoung. Dilated pupils, chest rising faster than usual, scratching his head frequently while breathing heavily in and out of his nose: crisis.
Soonyoung is known for his existential dread, one with the constant questions of how small human creations are in comparison to the universe and always joking around about his unfulfilled and undiscovered purpose (that is always more serious than he depicts). He often feels them in waves, one right after the other; sometimes non-stop, sometimes with a break in between, ranging between a day to a few weeks. It’s inconsistent, like ocean waves, he often described to himself.
Junhui’s seen Soonyoung in this state more than the other two, so he knew what to do. He put his hand on Soonyoung's shoulder and patted it as he reached his other hand out to reach for his phone to check it. It's not that he was undermining the situation, but he knew he shouldn't talk to Soonyoung like this. Once he saw Soonyoung move around again and heard his breathing calm down, he looked away from his phone.
“That was quick.”
“I've been awake the past hour. Guess my thoughts stopped crashing in.”
“Progress?”
Soonyoung shrugged before he sat up slowly and ruffled his hair. “I don't know. Maybe? Is that even possible?”
“Baby steps, Soon. Remember.”
“I know, I know… ah, I'm hungry, what time is it?”
“Early. But Jihoon’s awake already.”
They both got off of the bed, Soonyoung insisting on folding the blanket and fluffing the pillows as Junhui got ready in his bathroom. He looked at his friend, remember that cleaning made his mind relax before nodding and washing up.
The four guys were outside in their kitchen as Junhui was cooking breakfast and Wonwoo and Jihoon were sipping their coffee. Soonyoung was tapping the fork on his plate to a certain rhythm anxiously.
“He probably had one this morning when he woke up,” Wonwoo whispered.
Jihoon nodded. “He might have had a bad dream… He’s been having nightmares more often.”
“Do you think he’ll tell us?”
“No, it’s not much of a dream and I forgot most of it,” Soonyoung coughed. The two looked at him surprised as he was still tapping his fork, a bit faster as he was watching Junhui plate the eggs.
Breakfast was mostly eaten in silence, with the other three whispering occasionally asking what the plans were for today. But Soonyoung was silent. He finished the food quickly before washing the plate, grabbing a bowl from the dishwasher, and heading for the pantry for cereal. The three watched. Junhui said that cereal probably held some sentimental value to their friend, so they never stopped him when he ate it in place of meal times.
“Fuck, we ran out,” Soonyoung exhaled. He closed the pantry door airly as he went to his room to grab his key and a hat. Waving after he adjusted his hair, he headed straight for the door. “I’ll be back in fifteen.” The door shut and the three looked at each other.
“Wonwoo, I thought it was your turn to buy cereal for him,” Jihoon frowned.
“Me? I did it last month! It was definitely Junhui’s turn to do so.”
“I did,” Junhui blinked. “I bought it two weeks ago. I didn’t expect him to finish it this fast.”
“I don’t think any of us were,” the shortest one commented as he collected their plates and utensils and headed for the sink. Jihoon turned on the faucet and grabbed the sponge as he washed up while the other two cleaned around the kitchen.
“That’s the fifth time this week that’s happened,” Wonwoo said as he broke the uneasy silence. “And it’s only Wednesday.”
“We should talk to him,” Junhui nodded as he was sweeping the floor before Jihoon shook his head in disapproval of the idea. “What? I think he needs help. Ride and die, right?”
“I do too, but you know what happened last time we tried the talking method. I think it’s a miracle that he’s still rooming with us after that episode.”
“Well then, Jihoon, what do you think we do? Continue to watch our friend suffer this alone?”
“Junhui, I don’t know. I just don’t want him to think we’re being bad friends again.”
Wonwoo watched the two argue and pouted. It wasn’t the first time those two argued over Soonyoung and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but he felt uncomfortable every time the situation came around. After he wiped the table, he grabbed his jacket, backpack and books, put his glasses, and waved as he left the apartment to go to campus.
He walked his usual route, looking up at the dimly grey coloured sky. The sun was nowhere in sight but thankfully there was no chance of rain. Wonwoo didn’t quite understand what went through Soonyoung’s mind and as much as he wanted to know, he didn’t want to seem pushy or end up arguing with him like his other two friends.
The crosswalk signal turned red and Wonwoo waited in his usual spot near the railing where most people lock their bikes. He adjusted his glasses to better his field of vision when he saw Soonyoung on the other sidewalk, a plastic bag filled with at least three boxes of cereal, walking away from their apartment.
“He doesn’t have classes today,” Wonwoo muttered to himself. “He usually stays in the apartment on Wednesdays too…” The signal turned green and Wonwoo quickly and quietly followed his friend, deciding that he would have to skip today’s book discussion in his literature class today. (Which is fine, by the fact that he was doing well in the class and attendance isn’t mandatory.)
Soonyoung ended up on the second floor of the library in his usual study spot with his apartment mates. Wonwoo peaked behind a bookshelf and was genuinely surprised to see his friend pull out a bowl, a carton of milk, and a spoon from the plastic bag. He watched as Soonyoung pulled out his phone and scrolled through his video subscriptions list and laid the phone on the table, plugging his earphones in as he proceeded to pour himself cereal.
Wonwoo jumped a little and turned around, nudging a snickering Hansol. “Hey, hyung,” Hansol whispered. “Why are you hiding? Is that group mate you hate over there?”
“Well first off,” Wonwoo scrunched his nose, “I don’t hate Mingyu. He’s just… really affectionate… and also doesn’t read the books we’re assigned like he’s supposed to. Secondly, no, I’m monitoring Soonyoung.”
“At the library?” Hansol peaked over his hyung’s head and saw their friend eating cereal while watching videos on his phone before pulling back. “Oh… he’s eating cereal here? That’s pretty unusual… even for him. Did you hyungs fight or something?”
“No. We didn’t even talk to him that much this morning. He had another… ‘moment.’”
Hansol knew what Wonwoo meant and patted his back. “Maybe we can try to talk to him to talk to my professor again? She does it one-on-one and it’s all confidential. It’s free too, since it’s part of our tuition.”
“Thanks, buddy. I don’t think he’s ready to talk though. Maybe in due time.”
“Hm, well alright. I’d just leave him be for now though. Maybe he just wants alone time with his cereal.” The two did their handshake as the younger one went off to continue his day. Wonwoo signed as he looked back at Soonyoung, stuck between wanting to talk to him but not wanting to push him away farther and giving him his space but still making sure he was okay. He went with the latter, going to his next class and mumbling how he’ll message the other two about this.
Thursday, things went back to normal: the guys were talking as if that ‘moment’ never happened and the went out for their Thursday tradition of discount wing from the nearby restaurant. Soonyoung was talking excitedly about this new gameplay he watched as they were awaiting their orders, Junhui was nodding in response as his younger friend was talking.
Wonwoo nudged Jihoon and whispered. “He seems better.”
“Guess he needed that alone time.”
“I wish he’d talk to us though.”
“We all do,” Jihoon sighed. “But baby steps, this is hard for him.” He patted his taller friend’s back before the food arrived at their table and they all started eating.
“Hey, Junnie,” Soonyoung hummed as he wiped his mouth. “Can I try one of your wings?”
“Soon, you know that you can’t handle spice that well…”
“But I want to try it! You eat it so deliciously!” Junhui shook his head as Soonyoung whined. “Please? Please? Please, Junnie?”
Junhui eventually gave in and handed a wing to his eager friend who excitedly bit into the wing and chewed it happily.
Jihoon muttered under his breath. “Five… four… three… two…”
Soonyoung started wiping the sweat off of his forehead as he continued to eat the wing. “Oh, this is really good, Junnie!”
“Soon, you’re sweating again,” Wonwoo commented as he passed over more napkins from the dispenser and wiped Soonyoung’s cheek.
“I told you, you shouldn’t have,” Junhui grumbled as he handed over his water after Soonyoung finished chugging down his own cup.
“No regrets!” Soonyoung replied as he grabbed Junhui’s cup and chugged it down as well. The three couldn’t help but snicker as their friend, who continued to ramble as Wonwoo patted napkins over his face and Jihoon ordered more water for the table.
“You know, water just spreads the spice around your mouth, right?”
“Shush, Jihoon!” Soonyoung pointed at his short friend, “it’s the only free beverage and it still washes the food down, so I’ll suffer!” They snickered, patting Soonyoung’s back as encouragement as he kept pumping himself up to endure.
Saturday was their free time together. Either filled with video games, chores, movie marathons, or a combination of the three. However, Jihoon’s little cousin, Lee Haneul, was dropped over so it was an exception to the usual.
Haneul was sitting in his usual spot in the kitchen colouring his book as he was talking about school (which, for a seven year old, consisted of addition, snacks, and playtime). Soonyoung loved hearing about it though. He lives second furthest away from his loved ones, so he only saw his family on long breaks. Haneul filled that hole though.
“Hyung, are you eating cereal again?” Haneul asked as he watched his cousin’s friend pour milk over the corn flakes in the bowl.
“Ah… maybe…”
“Hyung, you should eat more things other than cereal… like ketchup! Ketchup is good.”
Jihoon whined from the other room. “Haneul, I said to stop eating ketchup by itself!”
Haneul just giggled in response as he continued colouring. Soonyoung sat next to him with his bowl of cereal and started eating while the other three were cleaning around the apartment. (Soonyoung won rock-paper-scissors, so he was exempted from chores that day.) He peaked over to see what Haneul was drawing, snickering at how cute it was. “That’s cute Haneul, is that you?”
“Yeah! And my wife, Sofia!”
“Oh, Hansol’s sister?”
“Mhmm, we go to school together. She’s in my class and I already said I’m going to marry her.” Soonyoung continued to listen to Haneul ramble on about his future wedding with his future life-partner as the other three kept smiling at the sight. It’s been awhile since they saw Soonyoung smile and talk about something that wasn’t about cereal or gameplays.
“This week has taken a good turn,” Wonwoo smiled as he was folding the towels next to Junhui who was putting the covers back on the pillows.
“I’ll say… maybe we can talk to him now about his… ‘moments’...”
“Jun, that might be pushing it.”
“I beg to differ,” Junhui hummed as he tossed the covered pillow with the others, hitting Jihoon— who was organizing the laundry— in the process. “He’s in a good mood, maybe he’ll be more open about it. Maybe while Haneul takes his nap, we can.”
“I second that,” Jihoon nodded. “Hopefully, he’ll be able to talk by then.”
It was two in the afternoon when a sleeping Haneul was placed into Jihoon’s bed. Junhui was setting up his console and Wonwoo was checking the batteries on each controller. “Hey, Soon,” Jihoon coughed as he was texting on his phone, “did you sleep well last night?”
“Hm?” Soonyoung responded as he kept his eyes glued to his own phone. “Oh, yeah I slept pretty well. Had a good dream too… I think… I don’t really remember.”
Wonwoo and Junhui sat in their positions on the couch as they all logged into their users and started playing their campaign. Junhui looked over at Jihoon as they squeezed Soonyoung in between them, both nodding before Jihoon coughed. All of their eyes were still concentrating on their individual screens on the television as they were talking.
“So… you haven’t had a ‘moment’ in a while, huh?”
“Yeah, I think my last one was on Wednesday morning when I crashed in your bed…”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jihoon asked.
“I don’t think there’s much to talk about,” Soonyoung shrugged. “It’s done with anyway, there’s no point in talking about it, right?”
They all gasped when the game paused, Junhui placing his controller down as his eye were attentively looking at Soonyoung. “No point? Soonyoung, you go through these ‘moments’ more often than you think and you shouldn’t belittle them.”
Wonwoo blinked as he noticed the gaze in Junhui’s eyes. “J-Jun, don’t push it.”
Soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows a bit. “Belittle them? I’m not though. I just go through it so often that I’m used to it.”
“Soonyoung, you should share what you experience though. We want to help you.”
Jihoon tightly gripped Wonwoo’s wrist. He wasn’t much of a talker in these situations because he didn’t want to raise his voice. Him and Wonwoo let Junhui do the talking.
“Help?” Soonyoung scoffed. “What good is helping me? I overthink, I have an episode, and then I go back to normal. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“When was the last time you went to class?” Junhui kept a sharp eye on Soonyoung.
“What?”
“Answer the question. When was the last time you went to your classes?”
Soonyoung stayed silent and broke his eye contact with Junhui before mumbling softly. “Last month.”
Wonwoo frowned. “Soonyoung… then what have you been doing when we think you go to class?”
Rubbing the back of his neck and changing his field of vision to the floor beneath his feet, Soonyoung sighed. “Library… eating cereal…”
“Soonyoung, that’s not good,” Junhui shook his head.
“I know it’s not, Junnie, but what else am I supposed to do? I feel like all I have are crises and nightmares now!”
In a slow and calm voice, Jihoon was able to speak. “Y-you had a nightmare?”
“I have one almost every night now,” Soonyoung confessed.
Junhui ran his hand through his hair and leaned back against the couch as he sighed and pulled Soonyoung close to him to wipe his eyes. “You could have come into any of our rooms and crashed with us. We know that helps you sleep better.”
“I didn’t want to be a burden…”
“You’re not a burden to us, Soon,” Wonwoo reached over and grabbed Soonyoung’s hand and squeezed it. “We’re your friends… we’re here for you even when you have your ‘moments.’”
Soonyoung was silent as he wiped his eyes before Jihoon handed him the box of tissues on their coffee table. “I don’t know… I don’t know what to do…”
“Then let us help you,” Junhui suggested as he fondly rubbed Soonyoung’s back. “Remember when we had to stop Haneul from revealing so many secrets to Jihoon’s music class partner last semester?”
Jihoon groaned. “She still wonders why I don’t let Haneul come with me when we work on group projects anymore…”
“And remember that one time when we saved Wonwoo from such an awkward blind date with that one kid in his philosophy class?”
“He wouldn’t stop going on about Schrodinger’s Cat and I just really wanted to finish my salad in peace…”
The four of them snickered, even Soonyoung who couldn’t help it though he was still rubbing his eyes. “Point is,” Junhui continued, “we’re here for you and we’ll be with you every step of the way. No matter how much we joke you, we still care.”
Soonyoung nodded. “I know that…”
“Then you should know we’re always here for you, dumbass!” Jihoon grunted, as the other three hugged him. “Hey, hey, what did I say about hugging?”
“Shut the fuck up, Ji,” Wonwoo snickered. “We know you love it when we have a group hug, just accept it!” Jihoon blushed and sighed as he let his friends embrace him.
Wonwoo was the first to feel a teardrop from Soonyoung’s eyes onto his arm and he looked and saw. “Shit, Kwon, are you crying?”
“Fuck no, man,” Soonyoung rubbed his eyes before he cursed under his breath when the tears started rolling down his eyes. The guys snickered and pulled tissues from the box to wipe his face. “Ew, guys stop!”
“No, you have no choice,” Jihoon nodded as he wiped the taller one’s left cheek. Soonyoung squirmed out of their touch as they all started laughing.
“Man, you guys are the worst,” the sniffling one whined. “I’m making myself cereal.” The other three watched before they looked at each other and nodded in unison, knowing they all had the same idea.
“Hey, Soon,” Junhui called out, “make three other bowls of cereal.”
“Um, use almond milk for me though,” Wonwoo coughed as he scratched his cheek.
“And make it snappy! I still have to beat your asses in this campaign. I might even beat my high score,” Jihoon grinned cheekily.
Soonyoung was hustling in the kitchen before he came out with four empty bowls and four spoons. “Man, fuck you guys. Make your own damn cereal. I’ll bring out the boxes and milks.” The other three gave him a thumbs up. “Oh… and… I’d like it if you guys could… maybe accompany me to see Hansol’s professor… it’d mean a lot.”
“Of course we’ll go with you,” Junhui smiled as he rubbed Soonyoung’s arm. “We could do a group therapy session if you want.”
“Fuck you, Jun, I didn’t sign up for that,” Jihoon grimaced.
“Ride or die together, right?” Jihoon rolled his eyes and nodded as the three snickered in response. The four smiled at each other before Wonwoo threw a pillow at Soonyoung.
“Alright we’ll cut the cheesy shit now, just don’t forget my almond milk!”
“And ketchup!” a small voice sluggishly walked into the room, Jihoon groaning in response as Haneul smiled happily up at Soonyoung.
Soonyoung still faced the dread; the clammy hands, the heavy breathing, the negative and uncontrollable thoughts. He felt there was no way around it, but he knew he could endure the crashing waves, even in these situations. They’ll ride the waves together.