Work Text:
"What's In My Bag?" with Shane Hollander
Vogue / GQ Celebrity Series
The lighting in the studio is soft, high-key, and impeccably bright. Shane Hollander sits centered on a minimalist cream velvet sofa, sitting with the casual, poised posture of a guy who has spent ten years learning how to control every move he makes in front of a lens. He's wearing an understated cashmere sweater in slate grey, sleeves casually pushed up past his forearms to reveal a glint of polished gold on his left ring finger.
Beside him on the cushion sits a sleek, structured, deep emerald green Bottega Veneta Intrecciato tote.
He smiles at the camera, the picture perfect, media trained smile, but there's a distinctly mischievous, sharp spark in his eyes.
"Hi Vogue! It's Shane Hollander and this is what's in my bag.", resting one hand heavily on the buttery leather.
"Before we start, because I know what the comments section is going to look like. Yes, Ilya bought me the bag. He insisted I needed and I quote 'an actual piece of leather, Hollander, not a sad nylon gym sack that looks like you stole it from a high school locker room.'"
Shane leans toward the camera with a conspiratorial smirk. "I think he just wanted an excuse to drag me through every high end boutique in Paris during the off season until I gave up and let him spend absurd amounts of money. But here we are."
He pulls the tote onto his lap, unzipping the main compartment with a deliberate, rhythmic slide.
1. The Bottega Veneta Large Intrecciato Craft Tote (The Bag Itself)
"Technically, item number one is the bag itself, because Ilya treats this thing like a secondary character in our marriage.
It's the Large Intrecciato Cabas in dark forest green. It's hand woven, ridiculously spacious, and smells like very expensive decisions. The leather is so soft that Ilya spent the first three weeks of us owning it treating it like a domestic pet, literally petting the side of it on the kitchen island while telling me I was 'finally looking like a real human being with taste' instead of a guy who stores his entire life in a complimentary team duffel.
Now, functionally speaking? It's massive. It fits about fifteen pounds of personal items, my laptop, three changes of clothes, and if I really pack it tight, I'm pretty sure I could wedge a pair of hockey skates into the bottom.
I don't do that, obviously, because if I got skate guard blade grease on the internal calfskin lining, Ilya would probably file for immediate divorce on the grounds of emotional cruelty and destruction of Italian craftsmanship.
The best part about this bag, though, isn't even the design. It's the fact that it has a very specific secondary purpose, it serves as my ultimate leverage. Whenever Ilya starts complaining about me taking up too much room on the plane or hogging the hotel closet, I just set this right in the middle of the table, pat the leather, and remind him that he chose to buy me a tote the size of a small carryon.
You wanted me to look refined, Rozanov. This is what refined looks like, it looks like me carrying half our household inside a four figure piece of woven calfskin everywhere we go."
2. AirPod Max Headphones & Wired Apple EarPods
"Moving on. These are my space black AirPod Max headphones. I absolutely need these, specifically for travel. They are essential for the 3000 hours we spend in planes and busses every season. But more importantly, they are essential for when my husband Ilya, when he decides to give a thirty minute monologue in rapid fire Russian about why the refereeing in the NHL is a personal conspiracy specifically designed against him. And yes, because I know you'll want to see..."
He turns the headphone cup toward the camera, tilting it so the light catches a subtle engraving.
"Look closely. It says: PROPERTY OF THE BETTER HOLLANDER-ROZANOV. I had it done when we got married. Every time he sees it, he claims it's 'childish and incorrect', but then I just point to the scoring statistics from last season and he goes very quiet for at least two minutes."
He reaches back in and pulls out a crumpled, tangled white cord.
"But wait. Also essential... item. A pair of wired Apple EarPods. Classic. Why? Because as much as I love the sophisticated noise cancellation, I am also deeply paranoid. I never trust that Bluetooth won't die on me right before takeoff. If the battery on these giant headphones goes, I need a backup. Plus, I hate charging things. This little wire requires zero power and zero brain cells. It's my anxiety cord."
3. A Single, Unwrapped Roll of White Cloth Hockey Tape
"Okay, item number three. Let's be real. It doesn't matter how high end the bag is or how refined Ilya thinks he's making me, you can't take the hockey player out of the guy. I carry this everywhere."
"Literally everywhere. It's an addiction. This is a fresh, entirely unused roll of standard white cloth tape. Why? Because you never know when you're going to have an unexpected emergency and need to tape up a split luggage handle, secure a broken pair of sunglasses, or most importantly, tape Ilya's mouth shut during a movie he's already seen three times and keeps trying to narrate."
4. Ilya Rozanov's Passport
He pulls out a sleek, monogrammed navy blue leather passport cover.
"Item four. This is Ilya's passport.
Why is it in my bag? Because if Ilya keeps his own passport, it ends up in the absolute most chaotic places.
It has previously been found in the bottom of a damp laundry hamper in our cottage, wedged between the seats of his classic car. And once miraculously, inside the refrigerator. Apparently, he was 'holding it while getting juice.'
So I am the designated passport officer in this relationship. I had this fancy 'I.R.' cover made so it would be 'harder to lose,' and now it's my job to manage his entire travel existence. It's a full time, unpaid job."
5. Tom Ford Oversized Sunglasses
He pulls out a pair of massive, statement piece black frames, unfolding them slowly.
"Oh, yeah. Item five. These are technically Tom Fords, but I like to think of them as my 'I'm too famous for you to witness my tired eyes' shields. These are also Ilya's. Why? Because he claims he leaves them in my bag so he doesn't have to carry anything. He always says carrying a bag 'ruins the line of his tailored Italian coats.'
The actual truth is he's just incredibly dramatic and wants me to hand them to him like his personal valet the second we step outside a building. So now I wear them out of spite."
He puts the huge glasses on, giving the camera a deadpan look for three seconds before slowly pushing them back up into his hair.
6. The Leather Bound Russian-English Phrasebook
"Now this... this is serious. This is item six. It's my compact, leather bound Russian English phrasebook. I carry it everywhere. Now, since we both play for Ottawa, people assume I don't need this. Considering no one else on the team speaks Russian. However, Ilya is extremely competitive during faceoffs.
When he's lining up against opposing players, he swears in rapid Russian under his breath to throw them off their game. I carry this phrasebook so I can actually understand the ridiculous chirps he's muttering right next to me on the ice. I've cataloged forty seven distinct insults he uses, and let's just say he's got a very colorful vocabulary for the division rivals."
7. Organic Lavender & Tea Tree Hand Sanitizer
"Okay, next up. Item seven.
I have zero shame about this. This is my organic hand sanitizer spray. It smells like a relaxing spa day, mixed with 'I will not get sick in November.' Think about it, post game press conferences shaking endless hands, endless airport security touchscreens, high fives with thousands of fans... there are germs everywhere.
When I pull this out on the plane, Ilya actually laughs at me. He calls it 'dainty sanitizer spray for dainty immune systems.' But guess what? I haven't caught the team flu in three seasons, so who is the dainty winner now, Ilya?"
8. A Box of Russian Sour Gummy Candies
He pulls out a brightly colored, plastic wrapped box, shaking it to show the hard contents.
"Item eight. This is a problem. These are Russian sour gummy candies, and honestly? They are terrible. They taste like sour chalk and aggressive chemicals. I absolutely hate them. So why are they in my bag?
Because if I do not keep a fresh box of these in my bag, Ilya gets moody and argumentative on any flight longer than two hours. It's basically like keeping snacks in your purse for a toddler. I sacrifice my bag's aesthetic for peace and quiet."
9. Custom Gold Jewelry Polishing Cloth
"Item nine. Another elegant necessity. This is a miniature, ultra soft microfiber polishing cloth. It's custom made and stamped with the crest of the jeweler who made our wedding bands. I am neurotic about it.
I wipe down my ring and yes, I have to wipe down Ilya's for him, because I am usually the one covered in my own protein shake residue, which he then gets everywhere when he 'accidental purposely' knocks my shaker over in the kitchen. He told me I was 'obsessed and slightly insane' about keeping it shiny.
Then, during a post game interview, I caught the perfect studio light with my ring and completely distracted the reporter from asking about my poor plus minus stat. Now, he respects the strategy."
10. An Overpriced Hotel Room Service Menu
"Item ten. Okay, I know. This is an over the top room service menu. Why do I have it? Because I confiscated it. It is wildly overpriced. Twenty dollars for a single slice of toast? My dad worked for the Treasury Board, so tracking outrageous government and executive spending is literally in my blood.
I look at twenty dollar toast and my budget analyst DNA reacts violently. I keep this menu as hard evidence whenever Ilya tries to convince me that ordering 'a light midnight snack' to the room is a reasonable expense. We can get better coffee and breakfast at Tim Hortons for five bucks."
11. A Squished, Half-Eaten Protein Bar
"Next. A taste of reality. Item eleven. It's a classic peanut butter crunch protein bar. My classic peanut butter crunch protein bar. This specific bar is likely three weeks old, entirely flattened, and has survived a trip across four time zones. This is my survival ration. Ilya will eat anything, literally anything.
He's like a human garbage disposal but I am very particular about my post practice macros. This bar is my insurance policy. If we arrive too late for my specific, pre-calculated dinner window, I eat this. I just have to make sure Ilya doesn't see it, or he'll try to eat it out of spite."
12. The Worn-Out, Stuffed Dog Keychain
"Item twelve. This is... well, this is 'Lucky.' It used to be a husky puppy. Now it looks more like a grey dust bunny that was run over. This keychain was attached to my very first hockey bag when I was eight years old. My dad gave it to me. It survived youth hockey, juniors, college, the draft... and now it is in a four figure Bottega Veneta bag.
Ilya absolutely loathes 'Lucky.' He thinks it's 'unhygienic and bad luck.' I think it is the only reason we are still winning games. It's my ultimate good luck charm. If 'Lucky' isn't in my bag, we lose."
13. A Silver Keychain with Five Car Keys
"Item thirteen: a very heavy set of keys. There's the key to our place in Ottawa, the key to our cottage, the pass to the club, and right here..."
He wiggles a distinct, sleek fob with a large, polished silver carabiner.
"...is the main key for Ilya's beloved classic vintage car. I took this set of keys this morning and hid them at the bottom of this bag without telling him. I wanted to see how long it took him to panic. If you are watching this right now, Ilya, your keys are safe. Also, your car is in the studio garage, and I definitely, positively, almost certainly did not scratch the rims when I parked it."
14. A Miniature Framed Polaroid
He pulls out a tiny, elegant silver frame, turning it face out.
"This is item fourteen, and it's very precious. This is a blurry polaroid in a silver frame. It shows Ilya sleeping, face down on our sofa at 3 AM with a very small Anya draped across his entire upper back. Both of them are out cold.
Ilya hates that I have this. He says it makes him look vulnerable and ruins his terrifying on ice persona. I keep it in an internal zip pocket. For me, it is the ultimate anti troll weapon. Whenever he starts acting like a high maintenance diva, I just place this photo right in front of his face, and he immediately shuts up. It's my favorite possession."
15. A Black Silk Sleep Mask
"Finally. Item fifteen. The absolute most important survival tool for a hockey player's spouse. This is a black silk eye mask, incredibly padded. Necessary for the pre game naps on planes where the blinds are never fully shut.
Now, the funny story.
Ilya tried to steal this specific mask once, claiming his was lost. So, I took it and had his initials, 'I.R.,' embroidered on it. In a very specific shade of very bright, delicate pink thread. Now, he's too tough and serious to use it on the plane with his teammates around, so it is mine forever. Strategic dominance, achieved."
Shane pulls the zipper shut on the Bottega tote and sets it neatly back on the cushion, patting the leather and giving the camera a final, satisfied smile.
"And that's what's in my bag. Thanks for watching, and remember. Iif you see Ilya Rozanov wandering around the street looking confused, tell him I have his keys."
He winks at the camera as the screen fades to black.
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INSIDE SHANE HOLLANDER'S | IN THE BAG | VOGUE
5M views , 12 hours ago
Vogue - 1.6M Subscribers
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@ottawacentaurs Can confirm:
1. Shane's hand sanitizer smells like eucalyptus & victory. 2. Ilya spent 20 minutes before morning skate asking if anyone had seen his car keys. 3. "Lucky" is strictly banned from the locker room, but we keep finding him in the equipment manager's bag anyway.
↳@shanehollanderhusband @ottawacentaurs Harris delete this right now or I am not doing post-game media tonight.
↳@ottawacentaurs @shanehollanderhusband Shane told us we're allowed to tweet this if we keep a box of sour gummies on the bench.
@leafs_fan_forever NOT THE POLAROID OF ILYA SLEEPING WITH ANYA STOP SHUT UP
@tote_bag_slay he put a 20 year old moldy dog keychain in a bottega im deceased
@hollanov SHANE HAS A TOTE BAG FOR HIS HUSBAND’S CHAOS I’M CRYING
@canuck_fever forty seven distinct russian insults. shane study card deck when???
@hollander_supremacy ilya petting the bag on the kitchen island like a cat im losing my mind
@hockey_hoe_69 he literally carries sour gummies like a mom with a toddler 💀💀💀
@puck_me_pls THE AIRPOD ENGRAVING????? THE AUDACITY??? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
@ilys_bitch "property of the better hollander-rozanov" HE DID NOT JUST ✋😭😭😭
@shanehollanderhusband You are a liar. 1. Return my car keys immediately or I am selling "Lucky" on eBay. 2. I do not pet the bag. It is quality leather. You do not understand craftsmanship. 3. Delete the Polaroid picture. Delete this whole video.
↳@realshanehollander @shanehollanderhusband The keys are in the fridge, where you left your passport. 2. You literally whispered "good boy" to it on Tuesday. 3. No. Go do your pre-game stretch.
↳@shanehollanderhusband @realshanehollander I am coming to your room right now. Bring the sour gummies.
↳@puck_brain_rot @shanehollanderhusband BRO JUST GOT HERDED LIKE A SHEEP ON MAIN 💀💀💀
↳@hollander_stan @puck_brain_rot he tried to sound dangerous and ended up asking for his little airplane candies im throwing up😭
@vogue We can confirm that no vintage car rims were harmed in the making of this video. Thank you to Shane for sharing his "essentials," and to Ilya for providing 90% of the content. 💚