Chapter Text
After a night of hanging out with his friends at the bar, Bear drives Nikki home while Ian and Sarah head to karaoke.
When they arrive at Nikki's house, the car stops and she’s about to reach for the door handle when Bear interrupts her.
“Nikki, wait!”
“What?” She turned towards him.
“Do you want the…? Uh… Well, I had a gift for you.”
“Oh, yeah, you did say that.” Nikki’s voice came off more monotone than she wanted to. She averted her eyes, a bit embarrassed.
“Actually, I wanted to ask you: you seemed uncomfortable when I brought it up earlier. What was that about?”
“Nothing” she shook her head, still not looking at him. “I don’t know. I must be tired, sorry.”
“Oh, okay. Alright.” Bear sighed. “Anyway, just in case, I wanted to be clear. Nikki, you’re… a very important friend to me.”
Nikki widened her eyes and looked straight at him.
“And also… um…” Bear continued. “Shit. Why does this have to be so…? I’m sorry.” He put his arms over his head and rested his forehead on the steering wheel.
“You like me, don’t you?” Nikki softened her voice.
“I just… I’m scared, Nikki. I’ve faced so many losses so recently. I don’t want to lose you too. The thought of you going away was what encouraged me to keep my feelings bottled up. But now, no matter what I say, you’ll be leaving anyway. To follow your dream. So, I might as well say it.” Bear turned to her, his lips trembling slightly. “I’m in love with you. A very selfish part of me wishes that you would say it back, change your mind and stay at the music store. We’d keep going to trivia night every week, hanging out with our friends and talking about things no one else could understand. It’d be all the same, but together. Like some fucking sappy romance movie.” he laughed. “But, more than that, what I really want is for you to be happy. Being free, becoming a… a NY best seller, a BookTok star or a Nobel Prize, or whatever the fuck you wanna do. So, like…”
Bear took a long box out of his bag and gave it to her.
“Consider this a farewell gift.”
Nikki received the box a little hesitant, and opened it in silence.
“Oh, wow!” Nikki smiled joyfully. “It’s so beautiful, Bear!”
She held the citrine necklace in front of her eyes, the yellow stone shone faintly under the moonlight.
“I don’t know what to… This is.. a bit confusing.” Nikki lowered the necklace and shook her head, covering her face with her palms.
“It… it’s okay.” Bear stuttered. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, but… that wouldn’t be fair!” Nikki sighed. “Bear… Thank you. Both for the necklace and for being honest with me. As I said, I’m very sorry about your cat, and your grandma… I know loneliness is a heavy feeling. I appreciate you understanding why I’m choosing the things that I’m choosing. Um… I need time to think. I have a lot of thoughts and I can’t seem to… string them together.”
“I thought writers were supposed to be good at that.” He joked. Then, they both giggled.
“I guess I’ll go home and sleep on it. If that’s okay with you.”
“Of course,” Bear nodded. “I’d rather know how you feel after you’ve cleared up your mind. OOOOORRRRR…” Bear raised a finger. “Better yet, we could forget that all of this ever happened. That’d be perfect.”
Nikki chuckled.
“I promise I’ll give you a proper answer tomorrow. But…” Nikki frowned. “I can’t promise anything else, okay?”
“Roger that.” Bear said. “I always carry a jar full of sleeping pills on me just in case.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Nikki snorted. “You’ll be fine. And don’t you dare prove me wrong.”
“Sorry, that was a bit dark,” Bear chuckled. “Do you really think I have chances, Nikki? I mean, not necessarily with you… Ugh, that sounded gross, scratch that.” He cringed.
“Yeah, of course you do.” She nodded. “All you gotta do is take a shower every now and then.” She joked. “Goodnight, Bear. Thanks for the ride. I had a great time.”
Nikki got out of the car and skipped up her driveway until she disappeared behind the front door. Bear watched her, thinking about all the time they’d spent together, wondering if things would be different had he confessed his feelings when they were teens. Ian was wrong. No one knows how much time they have left. All that is real is the ephemeral moment in front of you.