Chapter Text
KA POW!!
“–sit Renchanting toda– Holy shit.”
“Yowie!” Scar exclaimed, promptly dying in a fireworks show of green and gunpowder, his corpse falling to the ground unceremoniously.
“No!” Grian yelped, falling to his knees and clutching onto the dead Scar’s shirt. He buried his face into the fading corpse’s chest and yelled hysterically, “I’m sorry, Scar! I didn’t know you’d die!?”
Fihshyybanana was standing on the sidelines, peeking out from behind the worn oak planks of a village house. His cyan-streaked, navy blue hair glimmered in the daylight, neatly tied into a low, lopsided ponytail which swayed behind him with the breeze. Damn, he thought, I spy on a shitty trade offer for once in my life and I witness a murder. Watching Scar’s scattered items being collected and compiled into a chest, he wondered if he should nab some while he could. The games have just started, after all, no one expects him to break the fragile integrity of the game just yet…
EmmeCubed3 gasped at the scene, turning to Etho, who stood by his side. “Etho!” Emme said. “Don’t you see how dangerous it is here?” He clutched the older man’s sleeve in an attempt to start dragging him away from the village. “C’mon, Etho, I can keep you safe if we’re somewhere like a mountain. I’ll build us the best base, and we’ll have little dogs as kids and oh–!”
Fih grabbed what he could of the loot, but it wasn’t much help. Half a stack of cobble, a bit of iron, a poppy... Not worth stealing, honestly, but he’ll take what he can. Scar probably won’t miss it (he owed him a favor from Hermitcraft, anyway), but he scurried away anyway when he heard a voice shout out to him from the crime scene. If he wanted his dear Fork back, he’d have to kill some drowneds…
Etho wrenched his arm away from Emme’s grasp, and his face twisted in something akin to disgust before he uttered the words, “I don’t need you, honestly, just get away from me.” The words even seemed to surprise Etho, who took a cautious step back, and Emme was forced to stumble away from his idol. Emme knew Etho was an angel, so his acting like this must have been because of the circumstances of the high-stakes death game they’re in.
Right?
Emme fell to his knees, clutching the grass around his knees desperately as he watched Etho walk away. The man turned around to spare him one last, beautiful glance before reaching a couple of other Third Lifers. Even if Etho paid him no mind, spat on him like he was a dirty rat, and wanted nothing to do with him, the gorgeous fellow masked man would be his. Emme was going to make sure of it.
Etho would be safe. Etho would be safe. Etho would be safe. But he would not win. No, Emme would win, and he had a reason for this. He and Etho would make it to the last two, and by then, surely Etho would trust him enough to sacrifice his third life for their future. Because Emme knew what he would do with the wish he won. And let’s just say, it brought up a lot of excitement.
~*-+-*~
Fih hauled himself out of the water, blue blood clinging to his iron sword. Ugh, just how many of these guys does he have to kill? There probably aren’t any drowneds left in the entire world.
Just then, he spotted a green-backpacked flash in the corner of his eye. Whipping his head around, he saw a certain Martyn InTheLittleWood treading down the riverside hill, waving excitedly at him. Fih waved back cautiously. Oh, it’s that funny guy from MCC. Wasn’t he the one advertising enchanting? Could probably get Riptide from there…
“Heyup! Whatcha doin’?” Martyn greeted, sauntering up to the shore.
“Hi, just murdering every drowned in the area. Do you know how hard it is to get a trident around here? I swear everyone’s found diamonds already, and I’ve not gotten a single fork!” He threw his hands up in frustration, the action wobbling his golden sideways-halo in its steadfast hover around his head. He righted it gently.
“Pfft, gotta keep up with the fish theme, eh? Honestly, you’re just doing a public service for us. I’ve not seen a drowned for miles, and trust me, I’ve been around.” Martyn paused, seemingly remembering something.
3, 2, 1…
“By the way, are you interested in enchanting some of your gear? Renchanting’s not far from here.”
There it is, Fih huffed in mirth, a comedian and a marketing genius.
In the distance, the Village People approached Renchanting, Emme following closely behind to see what they were up to. It seemed that they were trying to speak with Martyn, but had to wait for a sparkly outsider to wrap up their conversation.
It was actually quite strange; Emme thought he knew all of the lifers. Obviously, that was how he was invited on. However, he’d never seen the mermaid-like stranger in any world— 2b2t, Lifesteal, or Unstable. Really, the only thing he knew about them was that their name was something stupid like ‘Fih.’ He would have to approach them later to find out if they were a threat to Etho.
Fih waved Martyn off, “I’ll consider it after I get that trident, but I’m good for now. Thanks for the offer, though, I’ll probably bug you about that later.”
“Yeah, well, we’re right up there—” he pointed vaguely up the hill, “—if ya’ need us. Renchanting’s doors are open to all! Cya!”
Waving the bundle of charisma off, Fih returned to drowned hunting. Really, he should form some alliances before it’s too late…
Emme watched as this ‘Fih’ guy leapt into the water and swam away. So that’s why his skin gleamed under the sun. Emme was going to wonder about how suspicious it was that he had been clearly swimming for a while instead of actually gathering resources, but his thoughts were interrupted by the Village People moving toward where Martyn was now with Ren and their enchanter.
Emme swiftly and quietly moved up the hill that the Village People were going up, making sure not to be seen. Right now, they didn’t really want him around. He heard Ren before he could fully see him, as the other was loudly trying to make a deal with Etho and the others. “C’mon, guys! I mean, a fully enchanted set of all your tools and armor is a great deal in exchange for a few little villagers!”
Tango pinched the bridge of his nose, considering Ren’s words, “Right, but the problem is, it’s incredibly difficult for us to efficiently bring said villagers over here in the future, especially as more bases start to pop up!”
Skizz chimed in, but at that point, Emme wasn’t really paying attention to the business deal. His eyes were focused on Etho, who was currently bent over the enchanting table the others were arguing about. He opened up the book that lay on it, and brought out an axe and…
“Hey! What are you doing?!” Martyn yelped, sending Etho jumping almost a foot in the air. “We didn’t say you could use that yet,” Martyn said, stepping forward and brandishing an iron sword that rippled those iconic purple waves of an enchantment, which was probably Smite.
“Whoa there!” Skizz exclaimed, stepping protectively in front of Etho. “Dude, hold your horses for a second.” Emme clenched the grass with his fists. That should be HIM protecting Etho. Why was he hiding like a wimp in the brush?
Emme stepped out of the greenery, brandishing his own iron sword, admittedly without any enchantments on it. To be honest, when Emme was on Unstable and Lifesteal, he was the worst ‘pro’… but most of the people here were used to building and farming - they hadn’t seen half the bloodshed and war that he had. He could hold his ground in battle, especially if the Village People backed him up, which was unlikely. But still, as long as they weren’t actively against him, he’d survive two guys.
“Put your sword down,” Emme snarled. His heart started beating faster. He couldn’t imagine anybody ever touching his precious Etho - especially not with the intent to harm. Emme knew the rules of the game; he couldn’t start killing anybody until he was on his red life. At that moment, though, the consequences of his actions were the last thing on his mind. Martyn would have to either leave peacefully or be brutally murdered by his hand.
And, oh, Emme meant brutally. Not to give too many details just yet, but entrails would most likely be involved. “If you lay even a finger on Etho, I’ll show you why I’ve been invited into PvP arenas,” he snarled, stashing a pearl he’d stolen from Bdubs (most of his gear had been stolen from Bdubs, actually) in his pocket to use quickly in case of a fight.
Martyn’s face paled, and he wavered in his confidence for a second, saying, “O-oh! I wasn’t actually serious, ya know? None of us can kill anyway. Ha. You know the rules, right?”
Emme shot what he hoped was a reassuring look at Etho, who was now almost fully behind Skizz. He turned back to Martyn, channeling that envious anger toward the opponent he was currently facing. Emme chuckled, “Oh, don’t any of you remember? I’m not really a rule-follower. No fate is worse than seeing my savior damaged.”
Ren was suddenly next to Martyn, and he leaned his arm on his partner’s shoulder, scoffing, “Oh please, your savior was the one who probably purposely tried to cause conflict by basically stealing our services!”
Emme’s grip around his sword tightened, and he clenched his teeth as his eyes darkened. “Don’t you dare mock us like that.”
“Us? What is this, communism? What a joke. You’re a fucking joke, dude. I mean, you can’t even make allies. You had to hide in the bushes like a wimp. Your savior, your precious Etho, doesn’t even want you to be defending him,” Ren spat out, gesturing toward Emme’s angel, who had stayed quiet, eyes wide, during the entire conflict.
Oh no. No, no, no. This simply could not do. Emme was too proud a man to let some chungus-level Hermitcrafter insult him like that. He barely even noticed the remark about Etho, because, come on, it obviously wasn’t true.
All of his rage at Martyn was now redirected toward this guy who literally had some random animal in his name. Actually, to be honest, all Emme really had to do was knock him out, then throw him into a water pool or something for revenge. After being in a hardcore world, he’d gotten used to torturing and annoying people, and Emme didn’t really have the time to imprison him or give him a bunch of totems to get constantly maced. Just barely avoiding drowning and having soaking wet clothes for the rest of the day would be good enough.
Emme rushed forward, and Ren didn’t look scared at all. The loser probably thought Emme had honor or something. Rather than delivering a fatal blow to Ren’s neck, Emme simply turned his sword around so that the hilt tipped in iron was facing the other guy, and slammed it into his forehead. With some luck, that would probably also leave a headache. Ren immediately crumpled to the ground, unconcious, but still alive.
Martyn screamed. Really? He’d have to have seen worse than a guy getting basically tapped on the forehead. “W-what did you do to him?” Martyn dropped to his knees and started shaking Ren. Why did people always shake each other? If they’re dead or very thoroughly close to it, it wouldn’t help in any way.
“Let go of him, please. I need this idiot for a second,” Emme threatened, pointing the sharp end of his iron sword at Martyn. “You can go looking for him later, but come before I’m done, and I’ll ensure your fate is worse than your partner over here’s.” Emme kicked Ren’s side roughly. He probably couldn’t feel it anyway. Emme hoped that looked, like, insanely tuff and cool and sexy to Etho.
Martyn gulped, but dropped Ren and nodded. The chungus looked to his chungi colony and geeyulped chungily before handing over the unconscious chungus to the not chungus guy. Well, Etho, of course, wasn’t a chungus. Emme slung Ren over his shoulder and started marching downhill toward a river. He quickly crafted a door and placed it at the bottom of the river. He then dragged Ren to the bottom, putting his head in the air pocket the door created and leaving the rest of his body out to get soaked. This would teach them.
Emme headed back up the hill, stepping precariously on the wet turf, when suddenly, his foot slipped on the grass. Yelping, he plummeted downhill, tumbling down the green. Emme caught a glimpse of a gaping cavern, decked in pointed dripstone. This… this couldn’t be it. This couldn’t be how he lost his first life! This was so fucking stupid! Argh, he should’ve just dangled that idiot over lava!
Emme hit the dripstone, pain spasming through his body, before he woke up at spawn. Worst of all, everybody on the hill saw his dumb death, and they were probably going to name him chud of the year. This was going to be a short game for him, wasn’t it?
~*-+-*~
Fih groaned as a drowned disintegrated, again, at the tip of his now half-dead iron sword. Still no trident, and he’s got enough nautilus shells to make a necklace by now! Now, Fih isn’t stupid; he knows he can only get one from drowneds holding tridents. But there’s got to be something with entity caps and shit, right? If he kills enough, surely more will spawn quicker, and he can not wait for this trident. No, no, this trident is his safety, his only chance here. The closest thing to his home in this world.
Sighing, Fih gazed up the hillside, this time a lightly forested meadow dotted with a bright array of flowers. He was pretty much at a corner of the world, world border looming before him not too far away.
“Hey,” came a Scottish voice, calling out from the top of the hill. Fih’s head snapped to the voice’s direction, and he spotted a blue-haired man leaning against a tree, eyes trained on him. He seemed friendly, if not calculating and a little wary. “What brings you to our little nook?”
“Oh, yo, Scott! You live around here?” Fih replied, sending Scott a questioning look. Our?
“Yeah, Jim and I are just ‘round here. You alright? You’re all covered in blue.” He bemused, though he looked close to chuckling.
Scott and Jimmy, huh? I really need to keep up with these alliances… Fih sighed, “Y’know, murdering drowneds. You know how much I need that trident.”
“Ah, that’s rough. I guess I’ll just leave you to it, then?”
“Wait! Scott, you have no idea how boring it gets just running around killing things. Can’t we just, like… chat for a while?” Fih is not weak-willed, but tide fuck was he bored. And its been a while since he’s seen him in Empires, it’d be nice to catch up.
Scott raised an eyebrow and said, “I’ve got a house to build and a husband to return home to. Buuuut,” he smiled down at Fih and started to step down the hillside, “I suppose I can spare some time.”
~*-+-*~
“Welp, that was funnnn. Still gotta work on that base, though. And hopefully Jim hasn’t died yet… Seeyaaaa,” Scott waved behind him, ducking under the trees until Fih could no longer see his sky-blue hair.
Well, that was productive, Fih thought, I think I have an alliance now?
…Shit, the fork!
~*-+-*~
Okay. Maybe, just maybe, Fih was bored again.
“Urghhh…”
Another drowned. Fih huffed, “Yeah yeah, shush, just gimme that..!”
CHINK!
The trident crumbled to pieces. Again.
“FUCK!”
I mean, what else was there to do? Make a base? Socialize? He supposed he should rephrase; what was there not to do?
…But the trident takes priority.
~*-+-*~
Emme was a step closer to death, but all he knew that night was that he had white hair under his fingers and another black mask in his inventory. He breathed in the scent of his savior in the night, his pupils enlargening at the sight that lay before him. Etho slept alone, so he could take his mask off, and it certainly was a sight that Emme reveled in.
He traced Etho’s jaw, and stopped his finger at his lips, before resting his head onto the sleeping man’s chest. Emme attempted to sync their heartbeats by controlling his breathing, but eventually gave up at the difficulty. Oh well. One day it would be easier, when they were lying side by side in bed, like the perfect pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They were meant to be together.
Emme was incredibly lucky that Etho was a heavy sleeper, and that he was good at sneaking around, otherwise he would’ve been caught long ago. Although, it wouldn’t ever be too terrible to be caught. Etho would see how much Emme really loved him.
However, there was a small demon of doubt gnawing at the back of his mind, saying Etho would murder him and get him banned from ever being in another world. And Emme was mostly confident that that would never happen, but you can never be too careful… you know? It wasn’t entirely impossible. It had happened to him before.
As Emme got up to leave, he left behind his signature sunflower at the foot of Etho’s bed. Or, as he liked to call it, another little confession of love.
Well, there was one thing the lifer knew, and it was that he loved to learn from mistakes. After all, isn’t that how you go about a problem? You work it out until the answer appears in front of you.
~*-+-*~
It was morning when he got it.
“Ughhh…” the drowned let out, dying with the same noise Fih has heard a million times over by now. But this time, with the tink-tinkling of the exp orbs and among the blue-bleeding rotten flesh, there floated, not a fishing rod, not a nautilus shell, but a beautiful, crystalline, prismarine wonder. Oh, she was beautiful! Her rusted body was carved with precise yet simple designs of an ancient age, glimmering in the river waters despite the algae littering it. Her blades, though corroded and dull, were arching in an art of its own, elegant in its threat. There truly was nothing like her…
“FORK!!!” Fih cheered, rushing over to the trident, which looked like it was on its last leg. “Oh, Fork-chan, I’m finally free…”
Gripping the trident, Fih swam down the river in glee, bobbing up and down in the water like a weaving thread. He stopped where the river floor dipped into the depths of an ocean, surfacing on the grass and pulling out a crafting table from his inventory. He made some sticks, grabbed the string he saved from some chest or another, and crafted a fishing rod.
Now, you might be thinking, Fih the fish fishing for fish? Isn’t that his equivalent of serial manslaughter and cannibalism? But he assures you, he doesn’t know either. But what he does know is that these fish are dumb. And I mean dumb, so dumb that Fih can’t feel their presence or thoughts. They felt empty to Fih, like husks of the people he knew and who knew him through their odd telepathic network of fish knowledge. There were no thoughts in their brain, their code was elementary, and they clearly weren’t sentient, but…
That didn’t stop Fih from feeling a little guilty.
He can’t just survive off rotten flesh and waste their lives, that, although empty, he mercilessly took to try getting a mending book. So, he… eats them.
…Is this the only way to get mending?
~*-+-*~
Fih’s only at 1 broken fishing rod when he hears of villagers.
“Hi!” Impulse popped out of a tree, and it took everything in Fih not to stab him with his trident. Just one more swing and it’d be done for, and he could not do all this again. “You fishing? Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Corals above, Impulse, stop doing that!” Fih yelped, jumping up from his spot on a precarious, 1-block oak bridge he cobbled together himself. His fishing line lashed into the air, conveniently pulling out a shiny book. Rushing over, Fih read its faded title…
“‘Bane of Arthropods’… awh dang it.”
“What’re you fishing for? Seems kinda odd for you,” Impulse asked, peering over Fih’s shoulder.
“Mending book. Honestly starting to regret it now… what’re the odds of it again? 0.8%?”
“You’re trying to fish… for a mending book? Dude, we have villagers!” Impulse exclaimed, chuckling a little at Fih’s fisheyed look. “What, did you forget?”
“...Nah, not really, I just didn’t really know if anyone had mending villagers yet. Also kinda forgot social interaction existed.”
Impulse sighed, “Classic Fih. Well, if you have any sticks, you can go ahead and use our villagers! We just started breeding them, though, so none of them have mending just yet,” he extended a hand to Fih, “...so I’ll leave that to you! C’mon!”
Fih took his offered hand, heaving himself up and leaving the river behind.
~*-+-*~
“Hehh. Uh huh!”
Fih dropped to his knees, lifting the mending book above him and staring at it with stars in his eyes like it was his glorious cult leader. He started emitting that one heaven sound effect and tearing up, dew gathering in his eyes melodramatically.
“Oh, congrats, dude! It's been like, what, 5 minutes?” Impulse peeked around the Love Shack entrance, eyebrows raising upon seeing Fih worshipping his sliced-up tree.
“Thank you,” Fih said, voice straining with emotion, “I owe you my eternal gratitude.”
Impulse blinked, “No problem, dude!” He thought a little, then smirked, “I think I’ll take you up on that later. No take backsies~!” He started skipping away.
“Hey! Nope! Not doing the favor thing, not today!” Fih chucked a stack of fish and some sand at him, “That’s payment, thanks bro, see ya!”
Impulse chuckled as he watched Fih hop into the nearest body of water and dart away. He lugged up the huge stack of salmon and filed it away in his inventory.
~*-+-*~
And thus began a journey like no other, one that found two twisted souls to be intertwined in ways that even fate would be shocked at. They were asymptotal in every way; taunted by their past mistakes, struggling through the present, and ambitious for the future. They were doomed to be just barely out of reach for all of eternity, yet the two simply swore to keep trying. Will they ever reach each other? Who knows? Keep reading to find out, in the next issue of GAY TWINKS!!!