Archive of Our Own

“Albus?  Can we talk?”  Scorpius twiddled his thumbs on the table, not looking at the boy across from him.

Albus looked up at him briefly and then back down to his parchment.  “Sure, go ahead.”

“I mean, somewhere else.  More private.”

Albus stopped scribbling then.  “What?  I thought you wanted to study for our O.W.L.s here.”

“I know,” he sighed.  “Sorry.  I can’t concentrate.”

This made Albus’s face screw up in concern.  “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Scorpius said hurriedly.  “Not really…  I just need to get something off my chest.”  Albus nodded in understanding and began gathering his things. 

Once they found a sufficiently secluded corridor, they put their bags on the ground and sat across from each other on a window sill.  Scorpius leaned his back against the wall and looked out at the sky.

“So…” Albus prodded.

Scorpius let out a long exhale.  “Everything is… upside down.”  Albus tilted his head questioningly but said nothing.  “Over the summer, I’ve been thinking, figuring things out.  It’s all so hard without my mum.  I’m sure I would have been able to talk to her about this kind of thing.”

“So, you haven’t talked to your dad about… whatever you’re talking about?”

Scorpius breathed a laugh.  “No.  I feel guilty for not having the guts to talk to him, but I just don’t know how he’ll react.  He’s so hard to read sometimes.”

Albus shifted so that his back was to the window and moved nearer to Scorpius, putting a hand on his knee.  “You know I’m here for you, right?”

Scorpius smiled.  “Always.”  He placed his hand atop Albus’s on his knee.  He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath.  “Okay.  I was thinking about… Rose.”  Albus’s fingers tensed on his knee and his expression turned stony.

“What about her?”

“I just, um.”  He cleared his throat and tried again.  “I don’t think I’m all that into her anymore.”  He watched Albus’s face for a change in expression, but there was none.  “I just thought you would want to know.”

Albus blinked.  “Er, yeah.  Thank you for telling me, I suppose?”  Scorpius nodded self-consciously.  “Is that…?”  He left the question unfinished, most likely because he didn’t want to say something that might offend Scorpius.  He knew what he meant though.  Is that what you dragged us all the way over here to talk about?

“That’s not all,” he said, trying and mostly failing to summon up some confidence. 

“Oh,” said Albus lamely. 

“What I couldn’t tell you in the library is that, well.”  He squeezed his eyes tight and tried to clear his head.  He put his back to the window as well, nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with Albus.  Seeing Scorpius’s troubled countenance, Albus moved his hand from his knee to his shoulder and squeezed. 

“Hey,” he said softly.  “You don’t have to tell me anything.  You know that much, don’t you?”

Scorpius managed a smile.  “Of course I do.  But I want to.  Just, give me a second.”  He breathed deeply again.  “Okay.  So, no, I’m not attracted to Rose.  In fact, I-I’m not, erm.  I don’t think I’m attracted to girls.  At all, really.  I rather think I fancy… Well.  Blokes.  Boys.”  He was looking down at his lap, afraid to look at Albus.

Albus had yet to say anything, which stirred up a good bit of anxiety in the pit of Scorpius’s belly.  When at last he couldn’t take the silence anymore, he looked up to see that Albus was—smiling?

It was a soft, warm smile, one that Albus reserved for him and only him.  He had never seen that smile on Albus’s face around anyone except for him.  Albus slowly reached around and hugged him close.  “Thank you for telling me,” he said sincerely.  “I know that wasn’t easy.”

A weight came off his shoulders and he was able to breathe easy.  He returned the embrace gratefully.  “Y-Yeah.  Thanks for listening.”

Albus pulled away, and he looked rather pleased.  Scorpius chalked it up to either the fact that he wouldn’t be pursuing his cousin anymore, or the fact that he trusted him enough to come out to him. 

He playfully clapped Scorpius on the back and chuckled.  “For a moment there I thought you might tell me you’re in love with my little sister.”

Scorpius barked out a laugh, surprising himself.  “No, of course not!” 

“So,” Albus drawled, nudging Scorpius in the ribs with his elbow.  “Is there a boy in your life who’s caught your eye?”

Scorpius snorted.  “Yeah, right.  Even if there was, I doubt he’d return my feelings.”

“I dunno,” said Albus in a sing-song voice.  “I’ve caught that Gryffindor bloke in Charms staring you down a couple times.”

“What, you mean Raoul?”

“Yeah, he’s not too bad looking, I suppose.”

Scorpius hummed thoughtfully.  He had only talked to Raoul once or twice, and he was indeed handsome. 

“Just summat to look into, mate.”  Albus grinned at him.

“Oh, whatever,” Scorpius chuckled.  Maybe he would consider it, but for now, he wanted to study.  “Come on, back to the library with you.”

Albus groaned but stood up and left with him anyway.

∞

Incidentally, Scorpius and Raoul had really hit it off.  Scorpius had approached him with the proposition to study together, and their friendship grew from there.  He always made time for Albus, however, and vowed never to ditch him for Raoul. 

Albus insisted it was okay for him to spend time with his new friend, but Scorpius would still feel a little guilty whenever he wasn’t with Albus. 

At first, his time with Raoul was solely spent studying, until he invited Scorpius to meet him at the Stone Circle.  He had trudged out through the snow to find Raoul waiting for him, a wide smile on his pale face. 

“So, what are we doing all the way out here?” he had asked.

Raoul didn’t say anything, he merely shook some snow out of his light brown hair and stepped closer to Scorpius.  He remembered with perfect clarity the way his chocolate-colored eyes had darted down to Scorpius’s chapped lips, and the way he brushed a strand of Scorpius’s hair behind his ear.  Scorpius’s breath left him, and before he knew it, his chin was being tilted upwards to meet Raoul in a chaste kiss.

From there, a real relationship blossomed, which Scorpius hadn’t even thought was possible.  Albus seemed to be very happy for him, and he couldn’t have been more glad of that.  He never wanted Albus to feel like he was being replaced.  Their relationship continued smoothly for several weeks into the spring semester. 

Somehow, Scorpius knew it couldn’t last.

One night, Albus struck up a conversation with Scorpius in the common room.  “So, how’s everything between you and Raoul?” he asked, popping a sherbet lemon into his mouth. 

Scorpius looked down and fiddled with the ends of his sleeves.  “Fine, I suppose.” 

“Really?  Doesn’t sound like it.  And you’re picking at your sleeves…”

Scorpius stopped abruptly and folded his hands in his lap.  “It’s hard to explain.”

“Is he still making you happy?” Albus tried. 

“Yeah, he’s nice to me and everything.  I like being around him.  Holding his hand and whatnot.”

“But…?”

“But…  I don’t like every aspect of being in the relationship.”

Albus raised his eyebrows.  “Meaning?”

Scorpius exhaled.  “Every time we go on a date, he wants to kiss me.”

At that, Albus cracked a smile.  He popped another piece of candy.  “Well, that is what tends to happen on dates.”

“I guess I don’t mind regular kissing,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “But he always wants to, you know…  French,” he added sheepishly.  Albus was clearly holding back a snicker, and Scorpius shoved him.  “I’m being serious, Albus.” 

He sobered immediately.  “So, you’re saying he’s not a good kisser?”

Scorpius shrugged.  “I don’t know.  He seems experienced, but I’m not about to go asking him about his past romantic excursions.”  He sighed.  “I really don’t like it…  What if something is wrong with me?”

“Hey, nothing is wrong with you, you get me?”

Scorpius ignored him in favor of fretting.  “I know I like boys, I like him, but—“ Albus cut him off and pulled him into a close embrace, rubbing his back.

“Don’t worry about it, okay?  Maybe you’ll get used to it.”  He felt Albus rest his chin on his shoulder.  “Maybe not.  But don’t do anything you don’t want to do, all right?”

Scorpius frowned, but nodded against him.  “All right.”

∞

Another weekend, another date with Raoul.  He didn’t have to leave for another hour, but his stomach churned with nervousness and dread.  He paced around the dormitory, running his hands through his hair. 

“You can always cancel, you know,” Albus suggested from his bed. 

“No, I can’t do that.  What would I even say?  He would just reschedule anyways.”

Albus sighed heavily.  “I hate seeing you like this.  I don’t think you’re supposed to be this stressed about a date.”

“I can’t help it, Albus!” he exclaimed.  “He’s going to want to—to—“

“Kiss you, yeah.  Repeatedly.  It’s just what people do, Scorp.  If you hate it that much, you should just rip off the leech and break up with him.”

Scorpius stopped pacing and looked at Albus.  “But I like him.”

Albus stood up and faced him head-on.  “I know you do.  But I don’t know what else to tell you.  Unless you want to tell him you hate snogging him—“

“Absolutely not!”

“Then your only option is to just go and deal with it.  I’m sorry.”  By the look in Albus’s eyes, he could tell he meant it.  He put his hands on each of Scorpius’s shoulders.  “It’ll be okay.  Try to have fun, yeah?”

Scorpius closed his eyes and nodded, resigned.  This time, Scorpius was the one to hug Albus.  “You’re a good friend, Albus.”

Albus just patted his back comfortingly. 

Raoul told Scorpius to meet him in a seventh-floor corridor.  When he arrived, Raoul kissed him in greeting.  It was a small peck on the lips, which Scorpius was just fine with.  He wished Raoul would feel that way too.

“Come on, I found this old classroom that nobody uses,” Raoul said, grabbing Scorpius’s hand and leading him down the hall. 

“O-Oh,” Scorpius said nervously.  “What business do we have in there?”  He was afraid he already knew the answer.

Raoul winked at him.  “You’ll see.”

“Won’t we get in trouble?” he asked, dragging slightly behind.

“No one will find us, I promise.”  They came to a stop and Raoul pushed a door open, pulling Scorpius into the classroom.  Once the door was secured shut, Raoul pushed him up against it and kissed him thoroughly.  Within seconds, his tongue was in Scorpius’s mouth, and he kissed back unenthusiastically.

Noticing his lack of fervor, Raoul pulled back.  “Something wrong?” he asked sincerely.

Scorpius pressed his lips together and shook his head. “No, nothing—nothing’s wrong.” 

“You sure?  You can tell me.”

He felt guilty.  “I’m sure.  Just tired, is all.”

Raoul smiled.  “If only we knew where the Room of Requirement is.  Then we’d have a bed.”

Scorpius’s stomach flipped.  “Oh,” he breathed, hiding his distaste to his best ability.

Raoul chuckled and pressed his lips to his cheek, kissing his way down to his neck.

“W-Wait,” Scorpius stuttered, a hand against Raoul’s chest.  He summoned a small bit of courage.  “Don’t do that.”

“Why not?” he asked, confused.

His courage wavered.  “Um.  I just can’t have any m-marks on me, is all.”  When Raoul didn’t look entirely convinced, he decided to make something up.  “My dad still doesn’t know about me, and he’s taking me to lunch tomorrow, so…”

“Right,” he said.  “Don’t worry.  No one will see anything.”  He grinned and unbuttoned the top button of Scorpius’s shirt. 

Scorpius gulped.  “W-What do you mean?”  He never stuttered this much. 

Another button undone, and another.  “I’ll show you what I mean.”  His brought his lips to his chest, just below the collar bone.  It wasn’t a feeling Scorpius could say he particularly liked; it didn’t do anything for him.  He felt Raoul’s hands roam down his hips, and his fingers dipped below Scorpius’s waistband. 

Scorpius’s eyes widened to comical proportions and he grabbed onto Raoul’s wrists.  Raoul drew back in surprise.  “What?” he asked.

“I… I…”  Scorpius didn’t know what to say.  He averted his gaze downwards and began buttoning his shirt back up.

A look of understanding passed over Raoul’s features.  “I get it.”  He smiled softly.  “You want to wait.”

Scorpius sighed.  “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Raoul hummed.  “That’s probably a good idea.  It should be special for you, right?  Not in some classroom.”

Scorpius was then overcome by curiosity.  “Have you ever…?”

“Yeah,” Raoul stated as if it was obvious.

He nodded wordlessly, more insecure than he was before.

∞

Albus was reading in the common room when Scorpius got back from his “date.”  Scorpius threw himself down next to Albus and draped an arm over his eyes.

He heard Albus set down his book and exhale.  “You okay?”

Scorpius ran his hands down his face and hunched over, defeated.  “I don’t know.”

“What happened?” he asked softly. 

He didn’t say anything for several moments.  Just when he was sure Albus was going to ask again, he said, “He wants me to sleep with him,” voice breaking in the middle.

Albus turned serious.  “Scorpius, look at me.”  When he didn’t do as he was asked, Albus took his face in his hands and made him meet his eyes.  “I know how you are.  You’ll make yourself miserable just to make someone else happy.  But don’t you dare do anything if you aren’t completely sure about it.”

Scorpius’s lip quivered and a tear slipped down his face.  “I don’t know what to do, Albus,” he whispered pitifully.  Albus wiped the tear away and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  He leaned his head into the crook of Albus’s neck gratefully.  Ignoring the warmth blooming in his chest, he closed his eyes and sniffled.  “I’m sorry to lay this on you all the time.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” Albus said without hesitation.  Scorpius smiled weakly, and they sat like that until curfew.

∞

Scorpius was alone in the dormitory, sitting by the window and staring out at the lake’s water.  He wiped a stray tear away and tried to focus on the fish passing by him.  A month had passed since he met Raoul in that empty classroom, and he had been facing pressure to be more intimate with him ever since. 

Scorpius knew Raoul would lose patience with him some day, and that day had finally come.  Scorpius heaved a sigh and tried not to think about it.  It was the middle of the afternoon, but he elected to change into his pajamas and go to sleep.  He was halfway tucked into his bed when he heard the door open.

“Little early for bedtime, isn’t it Scorpius?”  He was relieved to hear that it was Albus and not one of his other dormmates like Karl Jenkins.  When Scorpius didn’t answer, Albus climbed onto the bed next to him.  “Something the matter?”  Scorpius sniffed and nodded, and Albus’s reaction was instant.  “What?  Is it Raoul?”  He nodded again.  “Mate, talk to me.  What happened?”

He sat up and folded his arms atop his knees, eyes downcast.  “He wanted to do it.  Tonight.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

A pause.  “What did you tell him?”

“I told him no.”

“Oh, good.”  Albus almost sounded relieved.

“He got upset.  Really upset.”

Albus scoffed.  “Well, he’s just going to have to get over it.

“He broke up with me.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Albus whispered.  “Scorp, I’m so sorry.”  Scorpius nodded.  “Are you okay?” 

He didn’t answer that.  “He said something about me being a prude and left.  He won’t speak to me, and some of his Gryffindor friends are saying even worse things.” 

“Don’t listen to them.  And Raoul’s a git.  It’s his loss, anyway.  No one gets to decide what you want.”

Scorpius let out a shuddering breath that turned into a sob.  He buried his face in his arms and shook his head.  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Albus,” he cried, muffled by his sleeves.

“Hey, what did I say about that?”  He felt Albus’s arms around him at once.  “There’s nothing wrong with you, remember?”  Scorpius only shook his head.  “I’m serious.  Anyone who isn’t in love with you is an idiot.”

He lifted his head up, looking pitiful.  “Oh, so you mean everyone?”

“Not everyone,” Albus muttered, but Scorpius didn’t acknowledge it. 

Instead, he scoffed at himself.  “You must think me so pathetic.  We seem to be doing this constantly.”

“Of course I don’t think you’re pathetic, mate.  You’re my best friend.  I don’t mind being your shoulder to cry on.”  He smiled that warm smile that Scorpius loved.  “I know you would do the same for me.”

Scorpius cracked a smile despite himself.  “When do you ever cry?” he asked sarcastically. 

Albus turned his eyes upwards, thinking.  “I stubbed my toe a few months ago.  I think I might have shed a tear.”  They both laughed. 

“Whatever,” Scorpius said, sniffling.

Albus squeezed his arm.  “It’s going to be okay.”

Albus had a way of making things sound certain, so for the sake of sleeping, he let himself believe it for a moment and closed his eyes. 

That night, he dreamt only of the greenest of eyes and the sweetest of smiles.

∞

O.W.L.s came and went, and another summer passed by.  He and Albus kept in touch nearly every day, which was rather therapeutic for Scorpius.  He felt guilty and blocked-up as a result of keeping secrets from his father.  He wasn’t comfortable talking about his sexuality with him just yet, though he wished he didn’t have to hide the fact that he’d had a boyfriend for a good part of his fifth year. 

Part of him wanted to pretend it never happened.  He wanted to go back to having Albus be the only person he needed at school, and nobody else.  If there was one thing he was sure of, he would not be dating for a while.  He would focus on school and Albus.  Nothing more.

Sixth year was off to a decent start.  The Gryffindor boys weren’t troubling Scorpius so much anymore, and he was happy with his schedule.  He and Albus had a handful of classes together, so they saw each other nearly all the time.  Scorpius just felt better having him around.

After a few months, he noticed that more and more students in his year were becoming sexually active.  He tried not to think about it too much, but when he did, Albus noticed.  Scorpius would get quiet and thoughtful, and Albus would do his best to distract him.  He didn’t have to say it for Albus to figure it out:  he felt like he was being left behind.

Scorpius returned to the dorm late one night, and all his roommates were listening to Karl Jenkins with rapt attention.  Even Albus was looking on in interest, sitting on his bed with his knees drawn up to his chest.

“What’s going on?” Scorpius asked, peeling off his robes. 

“Jenkins shagged Polly Chapman!” said Parkinson from his bed. 

“Oh.”  It was all he could think to say. 

Sensing his discomfort, Albus grabbed his attention.  “Hey, mate.  Where were you?”

“Just getting some extra studying done at the library.  I think you were right not to take Arithmancy.”

Albus smirked.  “Told you.”

The other boys continued talking about Jenkins’s venture, which Scorpius most certainly did not want to hear about.  He frowned and gathered his toiletries, heading for the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Brushing his teeth, he tried to drown out their amused voices, but he still heard Albus ask, “What was it like?”

His face fell in the mirror.  It wasn’t fair of him to be upset; Albus was a teenage boy, after all.  But he was going to leave Scorpius behind, too.  He rinsed his mouth out and headed for the common room; he desperately needed some air. 

He sat on the usual couch, watching the fire with his chin in his hand.  Unsurprisingly, Albus had followed him there.  “Something on your mind?” he asked, plopping down on the couch next to him. 

Scorpius shrugged.  “Just not really my kind of conversation, if that wasn’t obvious after the past year.”

Albus winced.  “Sorry.”

He shrugged again.  “Not your fault.”

Albus put a hand on his back.  “It’s more than that, though.  What’s wrong?”

Scorpius heaved a sigh.  “It’s just…  It seems like it’s all anyone talks about anymore.”  Albus tilted his head, not entirely understanding.  “You know.  Sex.”

“I’m sure it’ll pass.  It’s just on everyone’s minds a lot right now.  Hormones, you know.”

“Not my mind,” he said ruefully.  Tired of feeling sorry for himself, he changed the subject.  “Any girls in your life Albus?  Anyone I don’t know about?”

Albus snorted.  “Are you mad?  You’re the only person I hang out with.  I think you would know by now.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you,” he laughed.  “We spend so much time together, people might think you’re gay too.”

“And what if they did?” Albus retorted, eyes glittering mischievously.

Scorpius was mildly taken aback, but he recovered and shoved him lightly.  “Guess it wouldn’t make much of a difference for me, but you might get picked on a bit more.”

“Pfft.  I could take it.”

“Oh yeah, tough guy?”  Scorpius play-punched him in the gut, and Albus retaliated by wrestling him back against the arm of the couch and tickling him.  His laughter and protests filled the common room, drawing the attention of a few apathetic Slytherins.  When Albus finally let up, Scorpius could hardly catch his breath. 

“You’re… a menace… you know that?” he managed between pants. 

“I’m your menace,” he said, tapping him on the nose. 

Scorpius felt his face heat up severely at the gesture.  He cleared his throat and shook out his hair.  “Come on, you git.  We should get to bed so these guys stop glaring at us,” he suggested, gesturing at the other students in the room.

By the time they returned, their roommates had settled down considerably, and they moved on to talking about more mundane things.  “Okay, everyone shut up,” Albus said in jest, turning of the lights.

Some of the boys groaned, but Scorpius could hear them drawing their curtains and turning over to sleep, and he did the same.

∞

As time passed, it was becoming more and more apparent that Scorpius’s aversion was not going to go away.  He was getting to work on accepting who he was, but sometimes it was difficult.  Being intimate was a big part of relationships, and if he couldn’t bear to do more than kiss and cuddle, how could he ever be in one?

He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone.  He had dreams of getting married and even starting a family.  He was currently sitting on the ground, skipping stones on the lake. 

“Hey,” he heard behind him.  At this point, he figured Albus must be magically drawn to Scorpius’s location whenever he was feeling even the slightest bit glum.  “You’re throwing things and you didn’t invite me?  I’m crushed.”

Scorpius breathed a half-hearted laugh.  “Okay, then.  You’re officially invited.”

Without further prompting, he sat down next to him and began skipping rocks as well.  They remained in companionable silence for a bit before Albus sighed.  “So,” he spoke.  “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or do I have to ask?”

“Technically, you’re already asking,” Scorpius evaded.

Albus gave him a dry look.  “Scorp.”

Scorpius ran a hand through his hair and huffed.  “It’s just the same sh—stuff as usual, Albus.  I’ve burdened you enough with it.”

He felt a warm hand squeeze his shoulder.  “I want to help, mate.”

“Well, you can’t!” he nearly shouted.  “You can’t help me.  You can’t change how I feel about snogging or shagging, and you can’t change the fact that I’ll never find anyone without wanting to—“  His voice cracked and he stopped, tears flowing freely down his face.

Albus’s concern was written plainly on his face.  “Is that really what you think?”

Scorpius wiped his face with his sleeve.  “It’s just not something I see myself ever wanting to do.  Just the idea…” He visibly shuddered.  “How could I ever find someone…?” he asked to no one in particular.

“Merlin, Scorp.  No wonder you’re so sad all the time.”  Scorpius met his gaze, confused.  “I don’t know if you’ll find someone to marry or whatever.  I’m not going to make any promises there.”  Scorpius looked down at the pile of stones he had made.  “But you will never—look at me, Scorpius,” Albus said, taking his chin in his hand.  “You will never, ever be alone.  Not while I’m around.”

Scorpius merely stared at him for a moment, eyes welling up.  Then, he flung himself into Albus’s arms without warning.  Albus returned the embrace with no hesitation, squeezing him hard.  “Thank you,” Scorpius whispered.  His stomach burned at their closeness, and he desperately tried to swallow the feeling. 

If he caught a crush on his best friend now, there would be no coming back.  He needed to nip this in the bud, and quickly.  Doing away with his blossoming feelings wouldn’t be too hard.

Or, he thought it so until Albus spoke again.

“There’s something I’ve been neglecting to tell you.”  Scorpius pulled back a little, still in his arms, and gestured for Albus to continue.  “I… I guess I didn’t mention it because I was afraid it would make you uncomfortable with all this going on.”

Scorpius was getting worried.  “What is it, Albus?”

He paused, considering something.  Clicking his teeth, he said, “I’m gay, too.”

Scorpius leaned back a bit, looking at Albus as if for the first time.  “O-Oh.”

Albus blushed and untangled himself from Scorpius at once.  “I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea or—or think I’m expecting anything.  I just didn’t want to keep it from you.”

“No, I’m glad you told me,” he lied.  Truthfully, he was better off without the knowledge.  He appreciated the fact that Albus wanted to share things with him, but this only made Albus more… reachable.  Shaking off his crush on him would have been easier if he could remind himself that Albus liked girls, but now?  He would likely have to watch Albus fall in love with another bloke who wasn’t him.  “We’ll always be best friends,” Scorpius managed, and he meant it. 

Albus smiled sweetly at him.

∞

After that day, Scorpius began to notice things.  How much they touched, how much they laughed together, how Albus’s eyes would light up when Scorpius said his name.  He figured he was just being conceited in assuming that just because Albus was gay he might like Scorpius.

Who was he kidding?  Albus was surely interested in getting all of the physical aspects out of a relationship, wasn’t he?  Albus would know damn well by now he wouldn’t get that from Scorpius.

But the signs were still there.  Every time Albus’s hands brushed his felt like he was sticking his hand in a cauldron of boiling Polyjuice.  When he leaned over Scorpius to look at his class notes, his breath seared his neck.  It gave him a feeling he wasn’t entirely familiar with, like he wanted to kiss him senseless.  Even if Scorpius didn’t like it, he felt that he would do it if it was what Albus wanted.

It was seven days after Albus came out to him that Scorpius’s world turned upside down.  They were studying in the library that evening, though while Albus was reading up on potions, Scorpius was sat next to him researching sexuality.  He thought maybe if he could put a name to what he was feeling, it might be easier for him to grasp, give him something to be a part of. 

Albus was nervously chewing on one end of his quill, but Scorpius figured he was just anxious over his upcoming potions exam. 

Looking at his book again, he turned the page and got to a chapter titled Asexuality:  A Lack of Sexual Attraction.  That got his attention.  His eyes rapidly scanned the pages, reading more quickly than he ever had.  The passages described his situation nearly perfectly, but there was no explanation of why he was feeling so strongly for his best friend. 

He was just about to try another route when he read a disclaimer, stating that sexual attraction differed from romantic attraction.  He turned the page for more information, discovering the different terms for romantic orientations. 

His heart felt lighter.  Knowing that he was romantically attracted to Albus but just asexual wasn’t exactly the best news, but he was grateful to finally have terms for it.  He patted Albus’s arm to get his attention, stirring him from his nervous reverie. 

“Albus, look what I’ve found!  This explains it perfectly,” he said with a tinge of excitement.  He passed the book over for Albus to read.  After scanning the pages, he looked up at Scorpius, smiling his million-Galleon smile. 

“See?” he said proudly.  “I told you nothing is wrong with you.”

Scorpius turned bashful.  “You did.”

A moment passed, and neither said anything.  Albus was still holding his gaze, but now it was like he was searching Scorpius’s eyes for something.  “I’m really sorry,” he whispered.

Scorpius knitted his brows together, confused.  “What in the world for?”

“For what I’m about to tell you,” Albus said sullenly.

Scorpius was really concerned now.  He tried to make the tone a little lighter despite himself.  “Keeping more secrets from me, eh?” he asked nervously.  He tried to come off joking, but failed miserably.

Albus only nodded.

“A-Are you… going to tell me?  You don’t have t—“

“I’m in love with you.”

The world spun.  Everything was silent.  Scorpius couldn’t even hear the other students turning pages or shelving books. 

“W-What?” Scorpius choked.

As if snapped out of a trance, Albus shook his head and hid his face in his hands.  “I’m sorry,” he said, muffled.

Scorpius leaned back from him, no longer able to breathe.  “What am I supposed to say to that?” he asked, close to tears. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, still shaking his head.

Scorpius stood up suddenly and drew his bag over his shoulder.  He meant to give some sort of goodbye or maybe an indication of where he was going, but it came out more of a strangled utterance.  He turned on his heel and hurried out of the library, no real destination in mind.

He wandered about the castle for what felt like hours, stopping at last at the Astronomy Tower.  Setting his bag down, he leaned against the overlook, breathing in the fresh air.  Now that he was alone, he finally let himself think about what Albus’s confession meant for the both of them. 

As far as Scorpius’s romantic feelings were concerned, this should have been good news, great news.  So why did it make him feel so guilty?

He knew why.  Even if he were to be in a relationship with Albus, he could never give him what he truly wanted.  Albus would be better off with someone else.  The thought of him with another boy brought tears to his eyes, but he only wanted Albus to be happy, and he couldn’t be happy if he was with Scorpius.  Right?

He ran a hand over his face and checked his watch.  If he didn’t leave soon he wouldn’t make it back before curfew.  He sighed and gathered his things and trudged down to the dungeons.  Regardless of whether he was ready to face Albus or not, he knew he would have to see him at one point or another. 

With five minutes left before lights-out, Scorpius made it to the dormitory, but Albus wasn’t there.  He was just about to leave and scour the common room for any sign of him when the door opened. 

Albus stood still at the threshold with pink cheeks and wind-swept hair.  He usually looked like that after he spent some time on his broom to clear his head.  “Hey,” Scorpius greeted softly, a weak smile on his lips. 

“Hey,” he returned just as soft, but no smile graced his features.  Upon closer inspection, Albus’s eyes were glassy and red.  A wave of guilt came crashing over him, not for the first time that day.  He did that to Albus.

Scorpius watched him strip off his robes and kick his shoes away, and then fall onto his bed without changing into his pajamas.  Albus waved his wand and his curtains flew closed.

“What’s the matter, Scorpius?” Jenkins asked tauntingly.  “You and your boyfriend have a row?”

Scorpius just rolled his eyes and transfigured his robes into sleepwear, too exhausted to change them himself.  He sat on top of his covers and shut his own bed-hangings, waiting there until he could hear the deep breathing and occasional snoring of his other dorm-mates.  Once he was sure they were all asleep, he tiptoed to Albus’s bed and drew back a curtain.

Albus half-rolled over to look at him, and Scorpius tried to smile.  “Knock, knock,” he whispered. 

Albus pulled himself up into a sitting position and scooted over, an invitation for Scorpius to sit next to him.  He shut the curtain behind him and cast muffliato, followed by lumos.  Albus looked at him expectantly, as if silently asking why he was there.

Scorpius exhaled.  “I wanted to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier.” 

Albus nodded, pursing his lips.  “S’okay.  I shouldn’t have said anything.”  Scorpius was tempted to disagree, but he couldn’t think of a good reason to do so.  “I just didn’t want to keep another secret from you.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Scorpius bit his lip and placed his hand on Albus’s atop the covers.  “I appreciate that.  I do.  I just feel… guilty.”

Albus closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard.  “I know.  I’m not asking you to return my feelings.”

“But that’s just it, isn’t it?” he asked, voice laced with regret.  “Because… I may be in love with you, too.”

Albus’s bright eyes snapped open, greener than normal with the light reflecting off the emerald curtains.  “What did you say?” he asked in disbelief.

Scorpius huffed a laugh.  “Are you really going to make me say it again?” 

“I think so, yes,” he said seriously.

“Okay,” he breathed.  “I love you.”  Then, his lip quivered and his vision went foggy.  “But you know I can’t be with you.”

Albus looked shocked.  “What?  Why not?”

“What do you mean ‘why not’?” he nearly laughed, astonished.  “Did you read the same book I did earlier?  Haven’t you been listening to me this whole time?”

“Of course I have!  But why should any of that matter?”

“Because I can’t give you what you want!” he almost shouted, voice breaking. 

Albus lowered his voice.  “I don’t care about that, Scorpius.”  He gently took Scorpius’s face in his hands.  “I only want to be with you.”

Scorpius was shocked into silence, tears now flowing freely down his face and onto Albus’s fingers.  “You mean…?  Even if I don’t want to—?”

Albus brought his hands down to Scorpius’s arms, rubbing them comfortingly.  “Yeah.”  He gave Scorpius a smile, wide and warm.  “Don’t worry about me.”

Scorpius searched his face for some indication of deception.  When he found none, he grabbed the sides of his face and crashed their lips together, still holding his wand.  Albus was stunned still for a brief moment, but soon began to move his lips against Scorpius’s.  His kiss was gentle and slow.  He kissed Scorpius cautiously, as if afraid to do something wrong. 

The butterflies in Scorpius’s stomach were going crazy, fluttering all around and bouncing off the walls.  Scorpius pulled away and arranged a better grip on his wand.  They both let out sighs of contentment, laughing softly together. 

Albus twitched an eyebrow upwards, mock-seductively.  “So,” he drawled.  “Wanna go out?” 

“Well, since you asked so eloquently,” he joked.  When Albus couldn’t suppress a yawn, Scorpius added, “We can arrange it in the morning.”  He made to get up, but Albus latched onto his wrist.

“Wait,” he asked, gazing up at Scorpius longingly.  “Stay?”

The thought of Albus holding him until he fell asleep was tempting.  “People will talk,” he warned.  “Are you sure?”

Albus smiled.  “Aren’t you?”  Scorpius flushed and put a chaste kiss on his lips in response.  “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

Scorpius giggled and set his wand aside, and they shuffled down the bed so that they were lying down, wrapped up in each other’s embrace.  He felt Albus kiss the top of his head, and he couldn’t have been more content.

∞

When he woke up the next morning, he was much warmer than he was used to being in the Slytherin dorms.   He took a deep breath, inhaling a familiar and comforting scent:  Albus.  When Scorpius opened his eyes, he realized his face was buried the bunched-up material of Albus’s shirt.  He moved his hand along the fabric, lightly grazing his chest.

Albus stirred next to him, a quiet noise bubbling in his throat.  Scorpius tilted his head up to get a better look at his face.  His dark hair was messy as ever, some of it spilling onto his face.  Scorpius reached up to brush a bit of it away, stroking his cheek in the process.  His head lolled to the side, facing Scorpius directly. 

Albus slowly blinked his eyes open, smiling once he realized whom he was currently entangled with.  “Hi,” he murmured.  He leaned his face into Scorpius’s and lifted his hand to hold his wrist.

“Morning,” Scorpius greeted warmly, brushing his thumb along Albus’s face. 

Albus breathed deeply through his nose.  “I like this,” he sighed.

“Pretty cozy,” Scorpius agreed.  “We’ll have to get up some time, though.”

“Mm.  Think the others are gone by now?”

Scorpius shrugged and sat up, leaning over Albus and poking his head out the curtains to peer around the room.  Everyone appeared to have gotten out of bed already, most likely headed to Hogsmeade.  “They’re all gone…  Gosh.  What time is it?”

Albus yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.  “My watch is on the nightstand.”

Scorpius tugged the covers off, dislocating from Albus and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.  Albus groaned in protest, but Scorpius ignored him in favor of checking the watch.  “Oh, Merlin.  It’s half-past ten.”

“That’s not so bad.  Pretty early for me, anyway.”

“I never sleep this late!” Scorpius complained, carding his fingers through his tangled hair. 

“Calm down, mate.  It’s the weekend.  Consider this part of our date.”

Scorpius turned back to look at Albus, who was leaning back on his elbows and looking rugged as could be.  He could have looked at him all day.  “I suppose,” he said, voice breaking a bit.  He cleared his throat.  “So, where should we go from here?”  Albus grinned widely up at him.

∞

The two of them walked briskly down the halls, hand-in-hand and all smiles.  Neither of them paid any mind to the stares and whispers from fellow students; they were free. 

Scorpius finally had the closeness with Albus that he had been longing for, and Albus looked just as happy as he was.  Albus swung their hands to and fro as they glided down the road in Hogsmeade.  They landed a table at The Three Broomsticks, sitting as close as they could on one side of the booth.  Albus still hadn’t let go of his hand, and the feeling of this thumb brushing along his skin sent shivers down his spine. 

Once they had a couple of butterbeers to sip on, Albus turned and looked at him seriously.  “We should probably talk about some things, yeah?”

Scorpius set down his mug and folded his hands in his lap.  “Okay.  Like what?”

“Well, our families for starters.”

Scorpius winced.  He still hadn’t come out to his father.  He was sure he would be fine with it, but it was still a hurdle to get over.  “Right.  That should be fun,” he said dryly. 

“Hate to break it to you, but news is likely to make it to my family by the end of the week, maybe by tomorrow.”

Scorpius rubbed the back of his neck.  “Yeah, a lot of people saw us today…”

“Having second thoughts?” Albus asked softly.

He shook his head rapidly.  “No!  Just a bit nervous is all.” 

“Me too.  But it’ll be fine.”  Scorpius smiled at him, nodding.  Albus reached down to play with Scorpius’s hands, pulling them into his lap.  “We also need to talk about… you.”

Scorpius furrowed his brows.  “What do you mean?” he asked, though he had an inkling of where he was headed.

Albus cleared his throat and looked away, slightly uncomfortable.  “Erm, you know.  Boundaries, and the like.”

He turned shy.  “Oh.  Y-Yes.”

“I think I’ve gathered what they are for the most part, but I just think we should get this conversation out of the way now, rather than do something that makes you uncomfortable.”

Scorpius bit his lip, lashes fluttering.  “When did you get so sweet, Albus?”

He snorted and bumped his shoulder.  “Shut up.”

“No, really,” he said, giving him a peck on the nose.

“Fine, I take it back.  I’m going to make you as uncomfortable as possible,” Albus joked.  “Starting with bat bogies!”  He whipped out his wand and brandished it menacingly.

Scorpius threw up his hands in surrender.  “No, please.  Anything but that!” he laughed.

Albus snickered and put his wand away.  “You’ve caught me in a rather good mood, so I’m letting you off the hook.”

“Fine, fine.  But I think I know how to stop you.”

“Oh, really?” he drawled, raising his eyebrows.

“Mmhmm,” Scorpius said smugly, drawing close and ghosting his lips over Albus’s.  Albus leaned in to kiss him fully, but Scorpius pulled back. 

Albus pouted dramatically.  “Wow.”  Scorpius just shrugged and took another sip of his drink.  Albus changed the subject.  “So, you don’t seem to mind kissing me.”

Scorpius felt his face heat up.   “It’s nice.”

“But snogging?” he pressed.  “French kissing, I mean.”  He was starting to blush as well.

“I’m… not sure.  It’s been awhile since I’ve done that.  But—“ He paused, considering.  “But I’m willing to try.”  He looked down at his lap.  “For you,” he murmured.

Albus’s eyes glittered.  “You would?”

“Yeah.”  He put a hand on Albus’s cheek and smiled.  “Of course.”

Albus’s face fell slightly.  “You don’t have to, Scorp.  If you don’t like it, or—“

“I’ll let you know,” he giggled.  “But I’m not snogging you in the middle of this pub.  It’s indecent.”

Albus chuckled.  “Absolutely not.”

∞

“Where should we go next?” Albus asked as they neared the Covered Bridge.  The sun was setting, and they were both determined to make the most of the time they had left. 

Scorpius hummed.  “Somewhere we can be alone?”

Albus smirked at his bravery.  “That so?”

“Yup,” he retorted, popping the “P.”

“In that case, we can check the Astronomy Tower.  I don’t think a lot of people hang out there around this time.”

“Perfect.”

Albus was right; the tower was barren.  There was not a soul in sight as they climbed up to the top, which gave Scorpius butterflies. 

When they finally made it, the view of the sky took Scorpius’s breath away.  “Wow,” he breathed.  “I’ve never been up here at sunset.”  The pink and orange hues of the sky mixed together in a way that made Scorpius believe there was even greater magic than what they were practicing in school.

Albus came to stand next to him.  “It’s beautiful,” he said, not taking his eyes off Scorpius.  Albus took his hand and tilted his head onto Scorpius’s shoulder, sighing in contentment.  Scorpius placed a kiss on his hair.

He couldn’t believe his luck.  He was waiting to wake up and discount all of this as some fever dream.  He had always been grateful for Albus as his best friend, but now that he was his boyfriend—his loving, sweet, accepting boyfriend—he couldn’t put his feelings into words. 

He only hoped that he could make Albus as happy as he made Scorpius.

“So,” Scorpius whispered.  “Snogging…”

He felt Albus chuckle against him.  “You really want to?”

Scorpius breathed a laugh and pulled back, and they faced each other.  Albus looked up at him as if he thought Scorpius might be lying, but Scorpius was determined to wipe that look off his face.  He swooped down and kissed him, and Albus met him almost immediately with an open mouth.

Their tongues slid against each other effortlessly, and Scorpius could tell that Albus was very into it.  Albus cupped his neck, sliding one of his hands up to his face and running his fingers through his hair.  The actual feeling of snogging wasn’t particularly pleasing to him in itself, but Albus’s enthusiasm was almost tangible, so he pushed forward. 

Scorpius held on to Albus’s waist, pulling him close as possible.  A moan bubbled up from Albus’s throat, and he pulled away from Scorpius abruptly, covering his mouth and looking thoroughly embarrassed.

Scorpius was shocked.  Not because of Albus, but because he liked that sound, and he wanted him to make it again. 

Albus began to stutter an apology, but Scorpius quickly shut him up with a deep kiss with only one goal in mind:  get Albus to make more sounds.

Albus seemed to get the message, firmly locking his arms around Scorpius’s neck and moaning periodically.  Scorpius’s vocal cords responded in kind, and by the time they pulled back from each other, they were both breathing heavily.

“Was, um—“ Albus cleared his throat and tried again.  “Was that okay?” he asked nervously. 

Scorpius stared at him.  His lips were kiss-swollen and his eyes were glazed.  I did that to him, he thought.  He nodded carefully, not trusting his words.

“Are you sure?  Because when you were with Raoul—“

“You’re not Raoul,” Scorpius said sternly.  “It’s different with you.  I like… making you happy.”

Albus smiled and leaned up, kissing him briefly, delicately.  “I love you.”

Scorpius shivered.  “Still not used to that.” 

Albus clicked his tongue.  “Too bad.”

Scorpius rolled his eyes and tugged on Albus’s hand.  “Come on, let’s get back to the dorms.”

∞

They decided not to share a bed again; they didn’t want to make their roommates uncomfortable in case they had heard about their relationship. 

They woke up early that Sunday and spent the morning studying in the library.  They had fallen a little behind in their work, so they thought it prudent to play catch-up before the school week started.  They were in the thick of it when a pair of pale, freckled hands smacked onto the table before them.

“Is it true?” came Rose’s shrill voice, earning several shushes around the room. 

Albus leaned back in his seat and smirked.  “Is what true?”

Rose’s eyes narrowed.  “Hello, Rose,” Scorpius greeted shakily.  She ignored him.

“Are you two really…?”

Albus raised his eyebrows.  “Handsome?  Slytherins?  Yes, and yes.  We’re also really busy, so if you would—“ He gestured for her to leave. 

Rose sighed and took a seat across from them.  “How long?” she asked.

Albus looked ready to continue with another snarky response, but Scorpius had grown tired of the exchange.  “Since yesterday.”

“Wow,” she said, folding her arms.  “News travels fast.”

Albus glared at Scorpius, but quickly turned on Rose.  “So I take it the whole family knows by now?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t think so.  It’s just whispers right now.  But they’ll find out soon.  And when they hear, Malfoy will hear.”

Scorpius gulped.  “We know,” Albus said for him.

Rose sniffed and stood up.  “Well.  I hope you two are very happy together.”  Her nose was upturned, but something about her words were sincere.

Albus looked to be lost for words, so Scorpius took the baton.  “Thank you, Rose,” he said kindly.  And Rose was off.

Albus exhaled.  “That was…”

Scorpius understood.  “Yeah.”  They shared a laugh and went back to reading.  Scorpius had switched over to another book on asexuality, soaking up the knowledge greedily.  “Hey, look at this.”  Albus leaned over.  “This book suggests that Merlin might have been asexual,” he giggled.

“I can see that.  Maybe even Dumbledore, too?” he suggested.

“Hm.  Well, he was homoromantic at the very least, but I’m not too keen on researching his sex life to find out.”

Albus pretended to choke.  “No, you’re right.  I’m not concerned with it.”

They snickered and continued flipping through their respective material.  Something in Scorpius’s book caught his attention.  “Hmm…”

“What is it?” Albus asked, not looking up. 

“Well, this chapter talks about compromise.”

That got Albus’s attention.  “Scorpius…”

“Oh, this asexual woman married a non-asexual man, and she compromises to make him happy…”  He tried not to sound too upset with this.  Was compromising something he was willing to do?

“Scorpius.”

“I wonder if they’re happy—“

“Scorpius!” Albus hissed, trying not to draw too much attention to their table.

Scorpius blinked.  “What?”

Albus closed Scorpius’s book and took his hand.  “Listen,” he said soothingly.  “We’ve been together barely two days.  Don’t fret over whether you want to ‘compromise’ or not.  Okay?”

Scorpius’s lip quivered, but he nodded.

“And awhile down the road, if you’ve decided you don’t want to compromise, that’s okay too.  I don’t want you to ever do anything you don’t want to do.  I meant it when you were with Raoul, and I mean it now.”

Scorpius’s eyes began to water.  He took Albus’s face in his hands and kissed him once, twice.  “Thank you,” he whispered.

Albus leaned his forehead against Scorpius’s.  “How about we call it a day?”

Scorpius nodded against him and turned to pack his bag.

∞

It was only mid-afternoon, and the weather was beautiful.  Scorpius was leaning back between Albus’s legs, who was propped up against the trunk of a large tree.  They watched the undulating waters of the lake, peaceful.  Scorpius sighed, tilting his head to kiss Albus underneath his jaw.  He watched the corner of Albus’s mouth curl upwards and his dark lashes flutter shut. 

Although they had only been romantically involved for a very short time, Scorpius already felt incredibly lucky to have someone like Albus love him.  He desperately hoped that he would never lose him; he could never find anyone like Albus again, of that he was certain.  “I love you,” Scorpius breathed against his neck, and he felt Albus shudder underneath him.

Albus turned his head to capture Scorpius’s lips with his own.  A few months ago, Scorpius never would have dreamed that Albus could be so soft.  He felt so grateful that Albus chose him to share this side of him with.  Scorpius smiled against his lips, and Albus breathed a short laugh.  “What?” Albus whispered.

Scorpius shook his head, unable to wipe the smile off his face.  “I’m just happy.”

“Me too.”  He kissed Scorpius again, and they eventually ended up in the grass, Albus on top and snogging the life out of him.

Albus pulled back for breath and checked in.  “Still okay?”

“I’m getting used to it,” he almost laughed.  When Albus started to frown, Scorpius backpedaled.  “I, um.  I like the sounds you make.”

Albus’s eyebrows shot up, and he appeared to be fighting a smile.  “Really?”  Scorpius nodded, looking away.  “That’s erm… a little surprising.”

Scorpius puffed his cheeks out, blushing furiously.  “I was surprised too,” he squeaked.

Albus leaned in close.  “Can I tell you something?”  Scorpius nodded again, eyes wide.  “I like the sounds you make too,” he murmured, kissing him again.

They went on like that for a bit, content to be together by that tree for the rest of the school year. 

Like all great things, though, Scorpius knew it couldn’t last.  Scorpius felt a hardness against him, and he gasped into Albus’s mouth. 

Albus must have snapped back to reality, eyes flying open and pushing himself up off of Scorpius.  He was apologizing at once, leaning against the tree trunk and breathing hard.  “Sorry, Scorp, I’m so sorry—“

“Hey,” Scorpius soothed, sitting up and crawling next to Albus.  “It’s okay.  I get it.”  He smiled warmly at Albus.  “You don’t have to apologize for that.  That would just be unfair.”

Albus still looked worried.  “I didn’t make you uncomfortable?”

Scorpius kissed his cheek.  “No.”

He finally smiled back, mildly relieved.  “Okay.  Good.”  He cleared his throat and plunked his head against the tree.  “We should probably… cool down, though.”

Scorpius leaned against him, holding his hand.  “Do you… need to go somewhere else?”

“No,” he said, kissing Scorpius’s hair.  “I’m good.”

Scorpius sighed.  He had been worried about this.  It only further proved that Albus wanted him.  Would there come a day that snogging and holding each other wouldn’t be enough?  It was far too early to tell.  He wasn’t sure how willing he would be to compromise.

He wanted to want it.  He wished he could be like Albus and the other boys in his year.  But when he pictured himself going too far with someone, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it.  Sometimes, it made him feel sick. 

Albus interrupted his thoughts, as he so often tended to do.  “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” he asked innocently.

“Worrying.  Stop it.”

Scorpius shrugged.  “Can’t help it,” he said, playing with Albus’s fingers.

“Okay, I’ll bite.  What is it this time?  Be honest.”

Scorpius nestled his head onto Albus’s shoulder, focusing on their tangled fingers.  “I’m… afraid…”

“Of what?” Albus asked patiently.

He heaved an almighty sigh, wishing he could just sink into the ground.  “That I’m not… That I won’t be…” He couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“That you won’t be…?” Albus led.

“Enough for you,” he mumbled into his shoulder, likely too quiet and muffled for Albus to hear.

“What?  What did you say?”  Going off the shock in his tone, Albus must have had some idea of what Scorpius had just said.  Scorpius repeated himself only a little clearer this time, but just as timid.  “Not enough for me?” he asked in disbelief.  Scorpius nodded minutely.  “Scorp.  This is my choice.  You…  You mean the world to me.  I don’t know how else to say it.”

“But—“

“No, Scorp.  There is no ‘but.’  I love you, and that’s that.  Sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

Scorpius finally looked up at him.  “Stuck with you, huh?”

Albus wrapped his arms around him tightly.  “Always.”

For the first time, Scorpius let himself believe it.