Chapter Text
Ash is used to the sleek white of his rooms walls and ceiling, it's all he’s ever known, this cell that the federation keeps him in. He spends his long uneventful days sighing and daydreaming of what the outside looks like.
He wonders what his life would be like if he had a normal childhood and got birthday parties and had a family to call his or friends who’d greet him with wide happy smiles that reached their eyes in genuine excitement to see him.
It was all a desperate wish, and would stay one. Ash was an experiment, prisoner really, to the federation who kept their watchful eye on him at all times.
His room had a black small shiny camera in the corner that watched him at all times and he had some sort of medical system attached to him to monitor his vitals, an alarm would set off if something was amiss.
The locks on his door rattling open brings him back to reality, and Ash looks up with barely any effort, his body too tired to try anymore.
A federation guard steps their way into his room, mouth upturned in disinterest, looking down at Ash as if he was a disgusting piece of chewed gum on the guard's shoe. Ash just blinks up at the worker, his exhausted limbs internally screeching as he moves his arms to help himself sit up.
The guard grips him by the arm and yanks Ash up to his feet with a grunt, tugging him towards and out through the door of his room. Ash slumps against the wall as the worker locks the door. Ash is once more yanked through the bland white hallways that reek of clinical sterilizing disinfectant and make him wrinkle his nose.
Ash is shoved into a medical bed, strapped down even though Ash wouldn’t be bothered to fight anyway. Not anymore. All the riled up hope and stupid bright perseverance to keep fighting he used to have blown out so easily like a candle on its last flicker of flames.
They do the usual to him, pricking him with needles and putting his blood into clear blue vials. They never tell him what it’s for, they don’t even ask how he’s doing, if he’s sleeping well—which he isn’t, if the pain is too much—it is.
Ash winces as a federation worker stabs a needle into his arm where it’s already sore. His vision starts to blur at the edges and Ash tries his best to blink it away.
Before Ash can muster the words to beg for them to stop, it’s over and a new worker undoes the bondages that keep him still and pulls Ash to his feet. Ash is dragged once more down the hallways but this time in a new direction, a flash of excitement rushes through him as he registers the familiarity of the path.
It’s the courtyard, Ash is going to the courtyard. He smiles weakly as the worker tugs him to a pair of automatic doors and Ash can see it—the beauty of the green grass and warm orange shades of the trees as the weather gets cooler. The guard lets him go and Ash stumbles forwards, looking back hesitantly at the worker before scrambling off.
Ash makes a series of overjoyed noises in his throat, enjoying the cool breeze that ruffles his curly black hair and the soft grass underneath his bare feet. An overwhelming want to lie down envelopes him and he does so, crouching and falling back so he’s looking up at the blue sky and puffy white clouds.
He sighs and closes his heavy eyes, the courtyard is mostly quiet, other than the occasional murmur of wildlife and chatter of the other children let out.
The grass is so much nicer under him than his thin mattress he sleeps on, his mind already begs him to just take a quick little nap… only just a moment. So Ash closes his eyes fully and rolls over on his side, his breathing slowing as he relaxes in being content.
His brief peace is disturbed as a patter of footsteps heads towards him and Ash peeks an eye open lazily, nearly jumping back as he sees a boy crouched over him and peering at him curiously.
The boy has light brown hair and must be a hybrid, considering their dragon-like characteristics—a tail, wings, horns… all shades of deep purple. Ash blinks up at the boy in confusion and flinches as he hears them let out a series of chirps and warbles.
After a beat of Ash waiting for the boy to speak he opens his mouth and then closes it again, unsure what he’s supposed to say—speak, why don’t you speak? Something must be wrong with you. His mind screams, the words warping and coming with the voices of the federation doctors who examine him.
“Hello?” The boy says unsurely and Ash tilts his head as he registers that this boy has some sort of accent different from his, and his words are mixed in with those noises he keeps making… chirps and coos.
Ash nods his head quickly, trying to offer that yes he’s listening and the boy seems to smile and wow… Ash thinks this boy must be some form of the sun itself, a fragment of sunshine with how bright he smiles like nothing in this cruel world is wrong.
But of course there is, Ash only thinks a smile like that could make him pretend like he can be happy too.
“I’m Tubbo.” The boy offers, sitting on his knees with his tail curled next to him. Ash opens his mouth to answer his name but can't get the words to roll off his tongue, instead he sits there, staring and open mouthed like some idiot. Ash internally yells at himself as Tubbo frowns slightly.
Tubbo tilts his head and blinks at Ash curiously, tail twitching and a furrowed brow on his face like he’s stumbled upon a puzzle he can’t quite solve.
“Can you not talk?” Tubbo asks, and Ash doesn’t hear any tone to signify that Tubbo is making fun of him, only genuine interest, and it’s complicated—Ash could talk but sometimes he just… can’t. So Ash just decides to nod slowly.
“Okay! This is my first time coming outside since I’ve been moved from my other cell. I like it, do you?” Tubbo shuffles around so he lies on his back next to Ash, turning his head to the side to see Ash’s reply. Ash gives him a quick nod and Tubbo seems to brighten with happiness, seemingly overjoyed that he's figured Ash out.
“Do you play with any other of the kids?” Tubbo rolls on his side too, so they're both facing each other and Ash glances away and shakes his head subtly. The other kids offer to play with him of course, and he's so very grateful for it but… Ash often keeps his distance because, well, games are hard to play when you don’t speak.
“Oh, well you have me!” Tubbo grins wide, and Ash attempts to smile back but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Unsure with how to feel with the certainty of Tubbo’s words Ash ducks his head down more toward his own chest and brings his knees up closer to himself.
“Are you tired? I can be quiet if you'd like.” Tubbo softens his voice, and Ash closes his eyes with a small nod but isn't sure how to communicate that he’s okay with Tubbo still talking.
Ash chews at his bottom lip in frustration of not being able to communicate, this is exactly why the kids don’t want to play with you his mind supplies and Ash makes a strangled noise.
Ash raises his head to look up at Tubbo who is watching him with so much pure kindness in his eyes Ash isn’t sure he can believe it. He doesn’t want him to leave, he’s so lonely— but he can’t—
“Sorry,” Tubbo giggles softly, “I didn’t ask a yes or no question! Do you want me to be quiet?” Tubbo smiles warmly and Ash’s panicked thoughts are stomped out like a flame as he looks at Tubbo dumbfounded. Ash blinks a few times before he slowly shakes his head in no.
“Cool,” Tubbo grins wide, “can I tell you a secret?” He whispers, and his eyes have such this crazed excited look in them it makes Ash curious, so he nods yes quickly.
“One day, when I get out of this place I’m going to build things and give the federation pure hell, and they’ll never catch me. Bastards deserve it.” Tubbo rolls on his back and looks up at the sky triumphally, sticking his nose in the air while he still grins, a haze going over his eyes as he seems to get lost in his imagination.
Ash stares at him wide eyed, hurt the federation? How? Ash wants to ask but the words are still frustratingly stuck in his throat. He makes a confused humming noise and Tubbo glances over at him in response.
“Oh! Right, the people who take care of me tell me I'm good at building and breaking things,” Tubbo smirks smugly, “have to watch me all the time or I’ll escape.” His eyes shine with glee and a hint of mischief. Ash gasps softly, looking up at Tubbo with admiration.
“Too bad I can’t escape anymore.” Tubbo sighs loudly and rolls on his side again. Ash tilts his head and watches curiously as Tubbo closes his eyes and frowns slightly.
“They found a way to keep me behaved.” Tubbo wrinkles his nose and glances over at Ash who is watching him with his full attention.
“I’m part end dragon, and end dragons are connected to end crystals. The federation has one and figured out with it I can’t leave because they told me end dragons devote their lives to the crystal and without it we can go mad so… I’d need one of my own even if I got out of this place.”
That’s horrible. Ash wants to say, but of course can’t. Instead he makes a noise of sympathy which to his joy Tubbo understands and returns the gesture by smiling.
“But it won’t stop me being a pain in the federations side! Just means they can’t get rid of me either.” Tubbo grins, tail wagging from where it lays next to his side.
How are you so hopeful? Ash wonders, watching how Tubbo’s smile doesn’t falter for even a second and there’s that bright hope in his eyes Ash used to have, how come he hasn’t lost it yet? What keeps him going?
“Oh hey!” Tubbo yells excitedly, sitting up and getting to his feet.
No please don’t leave— don’t—
“There’s a dirt pile over there! You can draw in the dirt what you want to say!” Tubbo’s tail sways behind him as he’s leaning over to outstretch a hand to Ash to help him up.
Ash blinks up at him dumbfounded, mouth open slightly as he slowly reaches a hand up and Tubbo curls their fingers together. Ash yelps as Tubbo pulls him up harshly and yanks him toward the mound of dirt ecstatically.
Ash stumbles on his feet as they stop abruptly and is dragged toward the ground as Tubbo sits down. Ash is about to draw in the dirt with one of his fingers when he pauses as a stick is shoved into his vision by a thrilled Tubbo.
Ash takes the stick gingerly and frees the hand that Tubbo holds to pat and flatten out the dirt in front of him. He scratches into the dirt with the end of the stick and writes out a two words:
I’m Ash
Tubbo shuffles closer and peers over Ash’s shoulder, eyes scanning the scratchy lines and he smiles wide once he understands what the letters spell.
“Your name is Ash?” Tubbo asks to make sure, and Ash nods quickly in confirmation, happy to hear someone say his name aloud.
Tubbo’s dragon tail wags behind him and it draws lines in the dirt, he opens his mouth to seemingly ask another question when an alarm blares and Ash can hear all the children around them go deadly silent.
The few that still talk, unaware what the siren means, pause their conversations and playing to follow the other children in being quiet.
“What’s going on?” Tubbo whispers, ears drooping against his head as he glances around the courtyard.
Someone’s escaped
Ash writes in the dirt, unsure if he should tell Tubbo the rest of what he’s aware of. Knows he should warn Tubbo because of his reckless nature, and doesn't want him to get punished too. So he chews at his bottom lip and then brings his hand back down to scribble.
If they find them they’ll be frozen
“Frozen? What—what does that mea—“ Tubbo blurts, ears as flat as they can be against the sides of his head.
“Everyone line up!” A federation guard barks from the entrance of the courtyard, waving around his black baton that Ash himself has gotten hit with a good few times.
Ash scrambles to his feet and reaches a hand out to Tubbo, who stares at it in fear for a moment before he takes it and the two rush to where all the other children are silently lining up together in single file.
A federation guard grips each of their wrists too harshly and reads the black numbers on their skin, yanking each of them into groups based on what hallway they go down. Ash is ripped away from Tubbo and he gives him a nervous thumbs up before Ash is being shoved out of the courtyard and down white halls toward his cell.
Ash flinches as his door is slammed shut, the locks rattling as he climbs onto his bed. He peers down at the crack at the bottom of his door, sees multiple shadows of federation employees dart past as the red light of the alarms leak color onto his white floor tiles.
Ash fidgets with his fingers before he stares up at the ceiling. Doesn’t know how long he sits there, it’s long enough because the federation's automatic lights in his room go off. They go off after 8pm Ash has learned, to encourage the children to sleep.
His eyes slowly focus in the dimness of his room, and he rolls on his side and digs a hand under his mattress to pull out a small, black flashlight.
He took it from one of the play rooms, they have toys set out for the children and he’d snuck it into his room because luckily his guard at the time didn’t seem to pay much attention to him.
If the guards who watched him through the camera in his room ever saw him with it, they must have not cared because Ash was never scolded or punished.
Ash presses at the buttons and when the flashlight doesn’t turn on he gives it a few smacks and the light flickers for a few times before it’s letting out a steady, yellow beam of light.
Ash tucks it near his pillow so it’s facing up at the wall and casting a circular yellow light. He moves his hands up so they cast shadows on his ceiling.
He makes little animals with his fingers and makes a humming noise of a song he once heard one of the federation workers singing.
He continues to play and makes a dog with his fingers that scares off a bunny into the darkness. Not much later he is yawning and his eyes are getting droopy.
Soon he is asleep, and the welcoming calm dark of sleep is the only peace he ever gets.