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Ravi’s head was pounding as he threw himself down on the couch. When their shift started 6 hours ago, his cold was just coming on. He figured he could get through the shift no problem and then spend the next 48 off recovering enough to be back to functional.
That was not the case. Every hour, his body has taken on another symptom, and he’s miserable. A small cough started, his throat was burning, and his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, hence the headache.
His misery must have been apparent. “You good over there Ravioli?” Chim asks from the table where he’s got paperwork spread out over the keyboard of his laptop and the entire area surrounding it.
Ravi wonders how he gets any work done in that kind of chaos.
“I’ll be fine,” he groans.
“If you’re sick, you should head home and get some rest.” Chim offers, not unkindly.
“I can tough it out, I’m not gonna leave you guys hanging in the middle of a shift.” He’s only officially been moved over to A shift permanently for a year, and while he probably wouldn’t have hesitated to leave if he was on B shift, it doesn’t feel right here. This team works so well together, he knows if they had to call anyone in last minute to cover, it would just throw them off.
“If you’re sure.” Chim says, turning back to his laptop.
He used to be the person they called in for illness or injury recovery. Because of that, he still struggles to not feel like an outsider with the team sometimes. He still feels like the “”probie”--even after actual probies like Harry have started. But, Harry was different. He was established. He was the nepo baby. Ravi was just the convenient kid they moved over when they needed someone they didn’t need to train after Eddie left.
His body jerked out of a doze when the tones went off. He jumped up, and bolted down the stairs, getting a side eye from Chimney as they began to pile into the engine. “You sure you don’t want to be man behind?” He asked.
God, he must look worse than he thought. “No, I’m good right now.” Not exactly a lie, the adrenaline from the excitement snapped him out of it a little.
Chim nodded, trusting his judgement. They find out on the way that they’re on their way to help a kid who went off the playground equipment and fell flat on his back and that dispatch instructed mom not to move him.
His leg shakes the entire ride there, earning looks from Buck who’s sat across from him. Eddie is talking Hen’s ear off about a school thing next weekend… that Buck apparently volunteered to bake for? Who knows what that’s about. Ever since Theo came into the picture, Buck and Eddie have only gotten weirder.
Ravi closes his eyes, and leans his head back against the seat, trying to relax a little before this call.
He feels a kick against his boot. He opens an eye to find Buck looking at him, “You okay?” he mouths.
Say what you want about Buck, but he’s always locked in to his team, noticing within minutes if someone is off. He shrugs it off with, “I’m fine, just tired.”
Buck nods, but the concern doesn’t leave his face.
They arrive on scene, and the moment they step out of the rig, Ravi feels the sun beating on him. By the time they make it to the playground, Chimney is already assigning Hen and Eddie to assess the kid, Harry has already started some crowd control, and Buck is talking to the panicking mom.
He’s used to that look, the fear when your child is in danger, but trying to hide it so they don’t know. They do though, parents are easy to read that way.
Ravi just stands back, and lets everyone work. He feels useless. The sun is causing him to sweat already, even though he’s just in his uniform. Probably not a great sign.
“Ravi!” He hears Hen yell, and by the expression on her face, it isn’t the first time. “Can you grab us a backboard?” He nods and runs to get it, beating himself up for zoning out like that.
He lays the backboard down next to the kid, so they can roll him onto it, and Eddie looks to the mother. “We don’t see anything too concerning, but a scan wouldn’t hurt, so we’re going to transport him and take all the extra precautions, okay?” He assures her, calm and collected. Eddie is always the best at talking with parents, probably has the most experience since his son was likely in and out of doctors a lot as a kid.
Ravi knows the feeling.
Hen’s eyes haven’t left Ravi though, which is why she noticed when he stood back up and stumbled. She instantly stood and put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. She turns to where Chim is, observing. “Hey, can you take over with Eddie, I’m gonna check out Ravi real quick.”
“I’m good, just lost my balance a little.” Ravi argues, not wanting to cause a scene.
“You’re pale, dripping in sweat, and having a hard time focusing. I’m going to check you out.” She says, matter of fact.
She’s right, but Ravi’s heart picks up anyway. He really tried to be fine, to not let them down, but they noticed. Of course they would.
Buck snaps up and looks over at them as soon as he hears Hen list out symptoms. Ravi knows he doesn’t mean it that way because as much as Buck loves to rub it in, he actually does panic when something is truly wrong with his team, but it feels like an “I told you so” look. Ravi’s shoulders fall as he gives in and follows Hen to the ambulance, shame washing over him.
“How long have you been sick?” She asks.
“I woke up a little congested, and achy, but nothing crazy. I thought I could make it through the shift no problem and then rest after.” Ravi struggles to keep his tone from getting defensive.
Hen caps a cover over a thermometer and pops it under his tongue. “Hmm, okay. We’ve been kinda busy today, so I bet you just overdid it. Have you eaten much? Hydrating?” She asks.
Ravi shrugs in response just as he beeps. 101.
She eyes it before disposing of the cover, throwing her gloves out with it. “You’re probably dehydrated. Why don’t you ride with us and I’ll hook you up to some fluids on the way and then you can head home when we get back to the station.”
He feels defeated and guilty. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
She claps his shoulder, “Hey, no big deal. It happens. We all have a bad habit of pushing ourselves past our limits, it’s basically your true inauguration into the 118.” She says, patting his leg before getting up to prep a bag for him. He chuckles, and allows the words to actually make him feel better.
The entire ride, Hen keeps the kid talking, asking about school and sports the whole way. Ravi feels heavy with exhaustion now that he’s given up, and dozes, despite the fluids running through him making him cold.
He jerks away as they pull into the ambulance bay, sitting up properly to make sure he’s not in the way. Shit. It's just his luck that May would be one of the nurses coming out to greet them. He knew she was working today, but her shift should be wrapping up any moment.
“Ravi?” She asks, instantly alarmed as her mentor takes over with the kid. “What happened?”
As soon as he registers the panic on her face, he feels horrible. After everything she’s been through, seeing her boyfriend hooked up to an IV in the back of an ambulance is probably a bit of a shock. “I’m good, I promise I’m good. Just coming down with something, and got a little dehydrated.”
Her brows furrow, and she looks him up and down, assessing. “You’re sick? I get off any minute. I’ll come bring something by the station. What do you need?”
He can’t help but smile at how considerate she is. “Just a little, I’m headed home after this to sleep it off, I promise.”
She wrings her hands in front of her like she’s holding herself back. He doesn’t like that. He stretches out his hand, an offering. She takes it and pulls his hand into her chest, rubbing her thumbs in a comforting motion over his knuckles. “Want to stay and I’ll take you? We can get your car later.”
He really would much rather wallow alone and sleep it off, but she almost didn’t ask because she felt like she couldn’t. So, he nods. He’s getting used to having a partner. Someone he’s supposed to let in, to let take care of him.
He turns around to let Hen and Eddie know, but they’re both already looking at them, with sappy expressions on their faces.
“I’ll unhook you.” Eddie says, looking caught.
“Don’t go calling my mom.” May scolds, and Ravi can’t tell if she’s joking or not.
“I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a snitch.” Hen jokes.
“Feel better Rav,” Eddie says as they take their seats to head back to the station.
May takes his hand and pulls him inside with her. He hasn’t seen her for a couple days, and he’s realizing how much he missed her.
She leads him down a hallway and to a chair across from a nurse’s station. “Okay,” She starts, pushing him down to sit. “Wait here for a few. I’m going to go clock out, and get my things. I’ll be right back.” She promises, kissing the top of his head before she jogs off. Ravi watches her as she rounds the corner, a smile breaking out over his face when he sees the compression socks he got her peeking out of her scrubs.
About ten minutes later, she comes back, and goes straight to the computer behind the desk.
“You taking your firefighter boyfriend home?” The older blond woman asks from beside her.
She laughs, and Ravi feels it in his whole body. She likes it here. “Yeah, he got sent home sick, so I get to take care of him tonight.” She quickly types something out on the computer. “Joan has my patient rundowns.”
“Good luck, see you next week, May!”
“Bye Sylvie!” She finally makes her way over to him, and crouches in front of the chair he’s been occupying. “Hey, how are you doing?” she asks in a quiet, soothing voice.
“I’m okay.” He lies. He feels awful. He’s still cold from the fluids, the bright lights aren’t doing his pounding head and favors, and he can’t breathe through his nose anymore.
“Liar.” She smiles at him and squeezes his hand. “Let’s get you to bed.”
He lets her pull him up to standing, and he wraps her in a hug. “Missed you.” He says into her hair.
“I missed you too, Rav.” She breathes him in for a second before nudging him along, “Let’s go.” He nods, and follows her out the doors to the elevators.
The walk to the car was a lot farther than he thought, and he’s dragging his feet by the time they get there. He collapses into the passenger seat, too exhausted to pretend to be somewhat functional. May slides into the driver's side, starting the car. “Your place, or mine?”
“Doesn’t matter.” He grumbles out.
“I know what I have at mine, is that okay?” She asks.
“Yeah.” He leans his head against the window. He’s trying really hard not to be grumpy with her, it’s not her fault he gets like this when he’s sick. She has no experience with him like this. “Sorry,” he adds.
“I know,” she says, gently.
He reaches his hand out, and puts it on her knee, swiping his thumb in apology.
She drops her hand off the wheel to hold his as she begins driving out of the parking garage. “Do you need anything from the station?”
“Probably should grab my bag.” He mumbles, then tacks on, “If you don’t mind. I can always grab it tomorrow if that's better for you.”
He can practically hear her roll his eyes at him. “It’s no big deal Rav, I’ll run in and get it for you.”
He releases a breath, still feeling embarrassed for fucking up their days.
They pull into the station.
“I’ll be right back.” She kisses his knuckle before sliding out of the car.
“Tell them I’m sorry.” He calls after her and he sees her nod. Yelling out caused him to break into a coughing fit, and he searches around for water but it’s in his locker.
He sneaks a look into the station and finds May talking to Buck. He groans, letting the back of his head hit the seat. She’s already got his bag on her shoulder, Buck must have brought it out for her.
He wouldn’t call him and Buck close outside of the station but he knows Buck would do anything for him, the same way he would any one on the team.
May leans in for a hug before making her way back to the car. Buck waved as he turned, heading back into the station.
As soon as she sits down, like she knows exactly what he’s thinking she says, “They’re not mad at you.”
“Okay.”
“I’m serious Rav, Buck was concerned. He asked if you wanted him to drop off some soup later. If I were you, I’d say yes. That recipe came straight from Eddie’s grandmother, and it’s the best thing ever when you’re sick.”
He shrugs. “If he wants.”
“What’s wrong?” She asks, sensing his agitation.
“I just don’t want anyone to go out of their way or anything, it’s just a cold.” He sounds like such a brat and he knows it. He clenches his jaw in an effort to get himself to stop talking.
“You’re kinda stuck with us. And we like to take care of each other.” She teases.
If only that statement didn’t make his skin itch. He doesn’t need anyone to take care of him. He’s fine.
By the time they pull into May’s garage, Ravi is asleep. May gently shakes him awake, and his entire body startles. “Sorry, sorry.” She whispers. “We’re here.”
He reaches back to grab his duffel from the back seat, but it’s not there. He turns around to find May with it slung over her shoulder.
“I can get my own bag.” He grumbles out. She’s being so nice and he’s been so short. He’s gonna need to explain at some point. Probably after a nap.
“I know you can. But I’ve got it.” She snaps back, not letting him get away with anything.
He trails behind her, a little shameful, and slinks into the apartment. He slips his shoes off and stands there, waiting on May. She drops the duffel where he left his shoes, slips her own shoes off, and hangs her bag and keys by the door.
“Couch or bed?” She asks, not looking at him.
“Couch. I’m not gonna germ up your bed.”
Her shoulders fall and her expression softens as she turns to look at him. “I wouldn’t have brought you back here if I was worried about that. If you want to sleep in a bed, I want you there.” She says, reaching for his hand. He lets her take it. It’s warm, and soft, just like her and his resolve crumbles.
“Are you sure?” He pulls her in and rests his cheek against her forehead. She jerks back and looks at him.
Her hand flies up to his forehead. “Have you taken anything?”
He shakes his head, “Not since my shift started.”
“You’re burning up.”
He bites his lips. “I’m sorry,” He mumbles, not making eye contact.
“Why are you sorry? Do you want to change? You have clothes in the drawer. Go change and I’ll grab you some medicine and water and bring it in for you.” Her tone helps, it feels less like coddling and more like she’s just letting him know what’s going to happen. He releases a breath and makes his way to her bedroom.
He peels his clothes off, folds them up, and places them on the ground next to her dresser, not wanting to stink up her laundry with his sweaty work clothes. He pulls on a pair of loose shorts and a t-shirt from the academy, something comfortable and cool to sleep in.
Just as he sits on the mattress, May knocks on the door and waits for permission to enter. “You’re good.” He calls out.
“Okay,” she's got a glass of ice water knowing he hates room temperature liquids, and a bottle of tylenol in her hand. She kicks the door shut, and walks over to his side of the bed, placing the water down. She reaches into her scrubs, pulling out a thermometer. “Do you mind if I check? I just want to keep track of it in case it gets stubborn.”
He just nods, avoiding speaking. He’s embarrassed by the way he acted earlier. This is why he just prefers to be alone, to sleep it off by himself so no one has to deal with him. He hates when people worry.
“101.4. What was it in the ambulance?” She asks.
Ravi cringes, “Exactly at 101, so it’s gone up a little but I don’t feel as bad as I did then.”
“That’s good. AC probably helps. It’s hot today.” She pours out two white pills into her hand, and picks up the water to hand to him. “Here, this should help.”
“Thank you, May.” He gulps down the pills, then hands her back the half empty glass. “How was your day? I’m sorry I didn’t ask.”
“It was okay, I had some weird patients today. I think I like being in the ED though.” He smiles, not letting his eyes drift from her as she gets herself clothes from her closet. “I’m gonna go take a shower, and probably study for a bit in the living room.”
He nods and forces himself to stay awake long enough to hear the shower turn off. When it does, he grabs his phone and doordashes her coffee order from her favorite local place to get delivered. She always grabs it on her way home to study with a treat, and must have skipped it to get him into bed faster. The moment he gets the confirmation, he puts his phone down and falls asleep instantly.
When he wakes up he’s covered in sweat. His fever must have broken. It takes him a minute to remember where he is, and when he rolls over and feels May’s side is cold, disappointment washes over him. He blindly reaches out, looking for his phone on the nightstand, finally finding it and cracking one eye open to check the time. It’s been about three hours since he fell asleep.
He stands, assessing his body. His head doesn’t hurt nearly as much as before, but his cough sounds a bit worse, and his sinuses are still completely clogged. He takes a sip of his water, mostly room temp now, and flinches slightly as it slides down his raw throat.
When he stumbles out of the bedroom, he finds May sitting at the table, her book in front of her and her laptop open to what looks like a practice exam. She has her empty coffee cup sitting next to her. The second she hears him, she whips around and looks him over, assessing. “Hey, how are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better, but I’ll live. Have you been studying the entire time?”
“Yeah, I have a big exam next week and Iwant to make sure I don’t get thrown out of the program,” she jokes, reaching for her empty cup and shaking it. “Thank you for the coffee.”
“You’re the best one there, they can’t throw you out.”
“You don’t actually know anyone else in the program Rav.” She teases, her eyes lighting up.
“Yeah, well I know my girlfriend.” He smiles at her as he collapses on the couch, resting his chin on his hands on the back of the couch so he can look at her.
Just then, his phone rings. Who would be calling him right now? He checks the caller ID, groaning as he sees the property manager of his newest building across his phone. “Hello?”
“Yes, Ravi?” He says. Who else would it be?
“Yeah, it’s me. What’s wrong.” His head instantly starts pounding again, not in the mood to deal with this.
“We have multiple tenants who have not paid rent this month, all on the same floor.”
It’s August 4th, hardly late enough to warrant calling the owner. Then, it dawns on him, if they’re all on the same floor, this guy cannot be serious. “Is it floor 6?” He even sounds irritated to himself. Usually, he’s more professional than this.
“Yes, sir.”
He lets out a sigh, stopping to mute his side when he has to stop to cough into his elbow. “We talked about this last month. Floor 6 is sponsored, they do not pay. Not in any of my buildings.”
“Oh, right.”
He rolls his eyes at May, trying to force himself to be in a lighter mood. He hates when they do this, it feels like they’re trying to scam him. If it happens again, he’ll break his contract with them. “Yeah, right. Please revoke any notices, and issue apologies.”
“Will do, sorry Mr. Panikkar.” The manager, who’s name Ravi is completely blanking on, has the gall to sound guilty now.
“Make a note of it in their files so we’re not having this conversation in a month,” he bites out.
“Yes, sorry to bother you.” He ends the call, wishing he had a flip phone he could snap shut for the satisfaction.
He looks up and finds May raising a brow at him, clearly waiting for an explanation. “Who sponsors that many people?”
“I do.” He shrugs. It’s not a big deal, and he doesn’t really like to throw it around, it’s just something he started the first time he had enough income to do so. “They’re all families with kids that have cancer. They’re already worrying about their kid, medical bills, and transportation, the least I could do is provide housing if I’m able.”
“Ravi,” May’s eyes have gone glassy, and she looks like she wants to launch herself at him. “I can’t believe I had no idea you did that.”
He averts his eyes. “It’s not a secret, it’s just not something I advertise really.”
“Does anyone know?” She asks.
That he can answer easily and get some of the attention off him. “Buck does actually. He’s helped out a few times when some of the families needed help moving.”
She looks surprised. “Really?”
“Yeah, he was really nice about it. Bought them dinner, and even donated some kids toys and things for the parents around Christmas.”
May’s smile meets her eyes, softening her face. “That’s really sweet. Of both of you.”
He shrugs again, not sure what to say. It’s why he doesn’t like to tell people. It feels like the least he could do. He’s not the kind of landlord who does it for profit.
She stands, and stretches her body. Ravi doesn’t resist looking as her shirt rides up.
She catches him and shoots him a look. “Calm down sicky,” she jokes, walking around the couch to sit down next to him.
He leans his body into her, but the second she reaches to check for a fever, his body stiffens and he flinches away.
“You okay?” She asks, concern apparent on her face.
“Yup, I’m fine.” He says through clenched teeth.
“Are you hungry? Want me to make you something? Need a blanket?” She fusses.
“Im fine, May.” He snaps, harsher than intended and regrets it the second the words are out of his mouth.
Luckily, she is her mother’s daughter and does not tolerate being treated like that, because she instantly straightens. “If you want me to take you home, all you need to do is ask. I’m only trying to help you and this is the second time you’ve snapped at me. The whiplash is really getting to me, Ravi. One moment you’re fine, the next I’m trying to help you and you’re biting my head off.”
He’s not upset with her, she’s absolutely right. He puts his head in his hands, squeezing, hoping the pressure will help. “I know. I swear, I don’t mean to. That’s not your fault though. If you want to take me home, that’s fine. Or I can uber.”
“You’re not getting into an uber while you’re sick, just talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Is it more than just not feeling good?” Too nice, it’s more than he deserves right now.
He sits up and lets his head hit the back of the couch, but his eyes stay closed, not used to being this vulnerable. “When I was a kid, always in and out of hospitals, my parents were obviously so worried, and they coddled me. I never had any personal space. All I could think about the whole time was getting better for them. Masking my symptoms, trying everything I could to make it easier for them. It wasn’t really their fault. They were great, I just felt so guilty.” He takes a breath, pausing for just a moment before he starts again.
“Now, when I get sick, all I can picture is that haunted look on their faces. The dark circles, the overdue notices they thought I couldn’t see. When people fuss or worry, it feels like glass shards scraping against my skin. I’m trying because I really care about you, and I don’t want to be like this. I want to be a good partner, and let you take care of me. That’s why I came here, but I should have communicated, and maybe recognized I wasn’t ready for that and went home. I’m really sorry, May.” He doesn’t open his eyes yet, not quite ready to see the pity on her face. It’s why he hates talking about the cancer, why he doesn’t brag about his program. He should have trusted his gut and went home.
“Thank you for telling me.” He peels his eyes open, finally brave enough to look at her. She looked sad, but not pitiful. Her face was full of understanding. “I’m not angry, and I’m glad you told me. If you still want to, I can take you home. But, I’m also open to communicating boundaries and doing what I can to help you be more comfortable.”
“I think you deserve better than that after I just snapped at you again.” He’s breathing out of his mouth, and it’s kind of ruining the moment of this serious conversation.
“I understand why now. I didn’t before, and it helps to know why. If you want to, I do too.” As if reading his mind, she quietly reaches behind her, hooking her finger in the tissue box, and plopping it on the coffee table for him. It’s not overbearing, it’s not a suggestion, just a quiet acknowledgement and support.
He leans forward, and pulls a few out, turning away from her to blow his nose. When he finishes, he turns back to her. “If I stay, promise to call me out, and keep putting me in my place?”
She raises both brows at him. “Have you ever known me not to?”
“Good point. And I love that about you.” He reaches for her, pulling her down to lay on top of him and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I don’t mind touching or even offering help, it’s just when I feel helpless, you know? I can still do things for myself. If I need meds, I’ll ask, you know?”
He feels her nod. “That helps, thank you.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“I know you are. I’m not angry. I wasn’t really angry when it happened, I just was confused. That’s not you. Is it still okay if Buck brings soup by later, or do you want me to tell him nevermind?”
“It’s okay. I know he likes to do that.” He means it. He knows cooking for people is Buck’s love language and he’s kind of honored he even offered.
He feels better now that they’ve talked. Just as he’s trying to think of a way to carry on the conversation, May must sense that he’s feeling a little raw. “Is it weird working with my brother?” She asks out of nowhere.
He thinks about it for a minute. “I think working with your brother is the least weird part about getting moved to A-shift full time.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighs, adjusting his body so he can wrap an arm around her back. “It just still kinda feels like filling in, like I don’t really belong there. At least with Harry, he’s only worked on the 118 with me on it, you know?”
He feels her head tilt against his chest, “Ravi, you know they love you, right? They asked for you to be with them.”
“Yeah, but, like, mostly because I’m convenient.”
She sits up and looks at him now. “That isn’t true. Hen has dinner with me and my mom a lot. She talks about you. She told us about that time you jumped into the water and swam to a canoe with a kid in it, pulling it back by yourself–”
He cuts her off. “I’m the probie, I always do that stuff, the dirty stuff.”
“Ravi, you’re not a probie anymore, you haven’t been for years. I’m serious, they are really proud of you, and they all love you.”
“Maybe. I like working with them. At first, it was really overwhelming entering a team dynamic like that. The first time I worked with them was after I jinxed them all, I still think Buck’s a little mad at me for that one.”
May laughs, and he feels it through his chest. “They’re great, and so are you. Bobby picked you for that team, and he didn’t make mistakes there.”
“Jonah? Lena?”
She swats at him, and he dodges it, laughing with her feels good. “Okay, well he didn’t make a mistake with you. He loved you. He would be happy for us, I think.”
He looks away to get the burning in his eyes under control. He was there when Bobby died. He used to worry that the team blamed him. He doesn’t think that anymore, but once in a while, in the late hours of the night, when he lies awake, he blames himself.
They lay there together, and he asks her questions about her day, about work, and how she’s liking her new program. When his voice starts to give out, May suggests turning the TV on and cons him into watching Love Island with her.
Two days later, a bowl of Buck’s soup reheated in his lap on the couch with May, his phone dings.
118 firefam chat
Buck: Pls tell me you’ll be back tomorrow Ravi, we’re being threatened with Max.
Captain Chim: His name is Sam, and you know it, Buck. Please rest, and only come in if you’re up to it Ravi.
Eddie: Sam, Max, Potato puh-tato
Ravi shakes his head, a smile covering his face as he types out a message,
Ravi: Don’t worry guys, I’ve had an excellent nurse, see you tomorrow.
Harry: Ew. Please don’t give details.
Ravi laughs out loud this time.
“You good over there?” May asks, looking over with a grin.
“I think you’re right. This team is exactly where I’m supposed to be. It’s also kinda fun to torture your brother.” He puts his phone down to the side, ready to finish dinner and watch more Love Island with May. Apparently, they air this everyday. He hasn’t admitted it yet, but he kinda loves it.