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The whole library has eyes on Qifrey. Olruggio assumes this, at least, because his eyes haven’t strayed from the other boy since he quietly entered the space and marched over to a specific section with a determined look in his eye. It’s not often that Qifrey enters a room and doesn’t immediately search for Olruggio in it, but he hardly has time to think about that because of how stuck his mind is on the ribbon fluttering behind Qifrey.
It’s been three weeks since the incident at the Tower of Tomes. A good bit of distance, at least in the mind of a fourteen year old, but the weeks passed have felt like such an unreal blur to Olruggio that someone could tell him it was actually just last night and he may be inclined to believe them.
The first week, Olruggio obviously thought about the swapped tassels, but there wasn’t time to dwell considering how tense and fragile Qifrey seemed. It was a mystery to be solved, no matter how nice of a smile Qifrey turned to him to try and get him to forget about it, and Olly was so very good at solving mysteries when it came to Qifrey. What a relief it was, that second week, when he realized that the swapped tassels had something to do with it all. That is, unfortunately, the week he began to realize that other people were taking notice as well.
Being whispered about is no fun for anyone, but Olly has never minded him and Qifrey’s names being whispered about in the same breath. It was mostly about them being troublemakers, how Qifrey tempted the Star of Ghodrey into mischief and misbehaving, and the whole thing sort of made Olruggio laugh. Technically it was Qifrey’s fault, of course, that Olly got into trouble that first time, but he certainly hadn’t manipulated Olly into following him out there. Quite the opposite, actually. And every time since, every snicker and tip-toe through the Great Hall, has been of mutual benefit.
There haven’t been very many snickers these past few weeks. Certainly no tip-toeing. It’s not as if Qifrey is ignoring him, exactly, or that he hasn’t spent any time with him at all. Just that he seems distracted. Which has to do with the day he spent in the Tower of Tomes, which has to do with the damn tassels, which has to do with why Olruggio feels warm in the neck the longer he looks at the black ribbon that used to be adorned on his own hat.
It isn’t odd for a couple of teenagers to share tassels. In very specific situations, it’s actually incredibly normal. It’s just that Olruggio doesn’t know what very specific situation he’s found himself in with Qifrey. The only time he’s seen shared tassels are in fiction, in stories, and a pair of apprentices a few years their senior who’ve been in a relationship since… well, since the age Qifrey and Olruggio are now, actually.
The pen in Olly’s hand skirts to the side a little. He looks down, finally breaking his sight’s connection from the ribbon, a little confused because he honestly forgot he was drawing a circle when Qifrey walked into the library. He shakes his head, puts the pen down, and when he looks up Qifrey is holding a book close to his chest as he quickly speeds out into the hall. Olly finds himself disappointed.
He should have said hi instead of staring and thinking. He’s just had so many thoughts recently. Why is Qifrey so busy? Why is Qifrey sporting his tassel? Why is he sporting Qifrey’s? Why did Qifrey look so upset, so angry, so scared when Olruggio asked for it back? And why, oh why, is the entire stupid Great Hall fixating on it?
Well, maybe not the whole Great Hall. But there are certainly whispers about it; eyes darting between him and Qifrey that make it very obvious exactly what they’re whispering about! Maybe Olly’s being selfish. It’s better, right, that people are wondering about Olly and Qifrey’s relationship instead of talking about Qifrey like he’s otherworldly and dangerous?
Except… Olly knows Qifrey isn’t otherworldly or evil. He knows Qifrey can be rude and cold, but it’s an exterior that anyone with half a mind can see through. Qifrey was just scared, and he’s much nicer now, and if he’s not nice to someone they probably deserve it for talking so badly about him in the first place.
What Olruggio doesn’t know is why he and Qifrey have switched tassels. Is it that, then? His lack of knowing? Is that why this whole thing has been driving him crazy, the way that the other rumors don’t? It’s not as if the things people have said over the years about Qifrey don’t upset Olruggio, but they don’t rile him up anymore than a desire to show Qifrey an extra bit of kindness. What exactly are rumors like this supposed to rile up Olruggio to do?
“Olruggio,” a voice interrupts, and he jumps. A girl stands in front of him, and he feels guilt at the realization he doesn’t know her name. In his head he just refers to her as that girl who gushed about how cute and mysterious Qifrey is. They just never had much more to talk about after, is all, so he hasn’t had any reason to learn her name. It’s just embarrassing because she knows his. He doesn’t have time to greet her before she asks, voice hushed and curious, “Why is Qifrey wearing your tassel?”
While certainly a rude question, it’s honestly the nicest way someone could have asked about all of this considering all the assumptions that have seemingly been made about the two of them in the past few weeks. Which makes it all the more embarrassing when it flusters Olruggio so badly he defensively blurts out, “Well, I’m wearing his, aren’t I?” As if that answers her question at all. The girl’s eyes go wide, and so do Olruggio’s, and he pushes up from his seat without another word. There is no spell in the world that could get him out of that library fast enough, even if he had access to all the forbidden magic in the world.
Really nice, Olly. Now they really won’t think there’s anything going on between you and Qifrey.
Just around the corner, the hallway is clear, and he puts his face in his hands with a muffled scream. This is all sort of ridiculous, isn’t it? It’s not like he could actually answer the girl’s question, anyway! The only person who knows is Qifrey!
…The only person who knows is Qifrey. Could Olruggio just… ask him? He’s been too hesitant to bring it up considering how upset Qifrey was when he tried to switch back, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Qifrey wouldn’t be willing to explain if Olly just asked instead of got upset with him. And he wasn’t upset really! Just confused. And confused he has stayed for a whole three weeks, and he’d like to lay it to rest already! At least then he could ignore the people’s questions with knowledge under his cap, and laugh that they don’t know rather than scratch his head just the same.
It’s decided then! He’ll simply ask Qifrey and sort the whole thing out. Where was Qifrey off to, anyway? He must have gone this same way when he left the library just a few minutes ago, but Olruggio doesn’t know what business he would have this way considering his room is in the opposite direction. Surely he isn’t leaving the Great Hall without Olly? They would really have it out, then. Here Olly’s spent his whole day on glyphs and runes and ribbons, meanwhile Qifrey’s having his own adventures. Though Qifrey did grab a book…
Olly rubs his hand to his chin, thinking. Perhaps the garden, then? If Qifrey’s gone off to study, but didn’t want to do it in his room, it isn’t completely out of the question that he’s gone off to Argentgard. It’s not as if Beldaruit hasn’t taken Qifrey there a thousand times for study, though Olly remembers a rather heated exchange he overheard where Qifrey dug his heels in and absolutely refused to study among the silverwood, though he never had before. Olruggio chalked it up to Qifrey being difficult for some other unspoken reason, and Beldaruit eventually gave into his troublesome apprentice when it became clear that Qifrey would go no further than the doorway.
But that was about two weeks ago now. Whatever upset Qifrey about the gardens he never took issue with before outside of finding them “slightly unnerving” could be completely blown over by now. More than likely, Beldaruit had just upset him in some way and Qifrey was getting his just desserts in his own very odd way. Hard to tell with Qifrey, sometimes. Especially when he won’t talk to his best friend about it!
Argentgard it is, then. Olly will take a peak, and if Qifrey isn’t there, he’ll just camp out in Qifrey’s room until he comes back and make him talk. That might be better, actually, so Olruggio can figure out how to ask, “Would you mind explaining why your tassel’s on my hat and why you nearly burst into tears when I tried to take it back?” without making it painfully awkward.
In the past, Olruggio has never had much to say about Argentgard. It’s beautiful, there is no doubt about that, but it doesn’t evoke much emotion in him. It’s a big room with pretty trees, and it will never feel like the forests he remembers of home, no matter how long he stays in the Great Hall. Today is a little different, however. He feels hesitant as he steps in, the trees towering over him with leaves like judgmental eyes. It’s not fear, exactly, that overcomes him when he steps into the gardens, but something more akin to shyness. It’s the talk with Qifrey he’s nervous about, he’s sure, but his eyes don’t leave the gnarled branches as he enters.
A sharp sigh breaks him out of his reverie, and he sees Qifrey with his hands turned to fists, one gripping that book he grabbed from the library too tight, and shoulders tense enough to make out even from under all that fabric. He’s looking up at one of the trees, and Olruggio cannot make out his eye clear enough to see if there is animosity in his gaze, but figures from the rest of him that he must he angry. Has the tree upset him, somehow? Olly squints, trying to look up and see if something or someone is in the tree, but all he sees is branches.
Then, Qifrey’s shoulders slump. He looks down. He raises his arms to hold his book against his chest, head bowed like he might cry. It shocks Olly out of his watching and he shouts, “Hey!”
Qifrey practically jumps out of his skin and twists his head toward Olruggio in a way that must hurt, eye wide with shock, and only after five seconds of looking does he seem to take in the fact that it’s just Olly. His rigid shoulders fall again, and a smile takes over the shock he previously wore. Though the smile, if Olly really looks at it, feels like it may be a bit sad.
Olruggio walks forward while Qifrey stays rooted to the floor. “I was looking for you.”
“And you thought I’d be in the garden?” Qifrey sounds confused, as if he is not literally stood in the garden at this very moment.
Olruggio shrugs, then moves his hands a little too much as he explains, “I saw you. Heading this way. When you were- I was talking to someone, in the library, and you were heading this way, so I came this way too.”
“So, you weren’t looking for me, you followed me.”
“You’re focused on the wrong thing!” Olruggio complains and the smile on Qifrey’s face finally loses the edge of gloom.
“It must be important, if you followed me all the way here,” Qifrey teases, and Olruggio just barely stops himself from tackling him. It would be a very awkward conversation to have with Olly pinning him to the ground, he thinks.
“I was just thinking,” Olruggio starts, then stops because what exactly is he thinking? How do you even ask someone about this? What does he even ask?
Olruggio knows there are three possibilities with this whole tassel situation.
The first is that Qifrey exchanged their tassels as Olruggio slept because he wanted to express how deeply he cares about their friendship but displaying emotions like that sometimes makes him look the way Beldaruit does when the pain starts to get to him.
The second is something similar, except that Qifrey did it specifically because he holds some romantic regard for Olruggio and doesn’t know how to tell him.
And the most likely, and most awkward of these scenarios, is that Qifrey simply did it because he felt like it and doesn’t actually know what it means to swap tassels. Which would be completely fair. Because on paper there is no official meaning.
It’s one of those things you just pick up from stories or being around certain people, notably certain couples, who think of it like you would any other thing you share with the one you love. Not every couple does it. And not everyone who does it is a couple! At least he doesn’t think so. It’s an uncommon, unofficial symbol of affection outside of teenagers and romance novels, so it’s not as if they’ve written a handbook about it. Maybe it can truly be two close friends wanting to express how much they mean to each other, who want to share a life but not like that.
It’s one of those things it would be unfair for Olruggio to assume that Qifrey just knows—as he is certainly knowledgeable but sometimes simple things you picked up early in life and don’t think about needing to be taught escape him—because of his lost memories. Olruggio can already see Qifrey getting irritable or embarrassed all because he hasn’t gotten to a book yet that references tassel switching.
Though it’s just as likely that he has read a book that references tassel switching, and that’s why he did it in the first place. In fact, when he did it he’d just come back from the Tower of Tomes… no, that’s an insane thought. Is Qifrey insane? Is Olruggio?
“Olly?” Qifrey prompts, finally, actually looking a little concerned by his friend’s uncharacteristic silence. It might not be the first time he’s said Olruggio’s name, actually.
“Uh,” Olruggio stares at Qifrey, who tilts his head and makes the ribbon curve against his shoulder. “It’s just, that…” what happens, exactly, when Qifrey answers Olruggio? He’s been so focused on finding out the answer that he’s hardly considered what will happen when he does answer. What does Olly even want the answer to be? He really should have thought this through. What is it about Qifrey that makes him want to act instead of think? He just wanted to stop being confused! But maybe being confused, in this case, is good. Because if he asks Qifrey, and Qifrey is also confused, or upset, or says he was just trying to express how good of friends they are…
Olruggio realizes that it would break his heart, just a little. That’s a weird thing to realize. He loves being friends with Qifrey. Being practically the only person Qifrey trusts, completely and wholly, is a point of pride for Olruggio. So why should it break his heart for Qifrey to express it? Why should it break his heart to know that there were no intentions behind Qifrey swapping their tassels, no secrets he was revealing, no chance that he feels that same as…
Oh. Olruggio feels a little sick, actually.
A hand grips his shoulder, and it shocks him into a jump. It’s usually the other way around with them. What in the world is wrong with him?
“Are you okay?” Qifrey asks, concern beginning to succumb to fear. “Do we need to go to the Med Spire? Let me-”
“No, no!” Olruggio shakes his head and feels a flush crawl up his neck. This is horrible. This is actually horrible. Realizing all of this with Qifrey staring right at him, eye bright blue and shining with concern, is the most horrible thing to happen to him since he came to the Great Hall. “I’m sorry!” He laughs and it sounds too loud to his ears. “I didn’t sleep much last night, because I was, um, working on a spell, and I wanted your input on it!” Technically not a lie. He stayed up pretty late, and he did want Qifrey’s thoughts on the spell. It just came second to figuring out why Qifrey had been proudly sporting his ribbon for the past three weeks.
“Oh, why didn’t you just say so?” Qifrey removes his hand with a huff, and Olruggio wishes he would put it back, and then he wishes he had a big boulder to hit his head against a couple hundred times. “What are you working on?”
“Um, so, it’s a dragon…”
As soon as the words are out of his mouth he wants to groan. Of course it’s a dragon! It’s a stupid spell to do with stupid dragons that Olly started working on with stupid Qifrey in mind and he only now realizes why. This is actually humiliating. Though maybe it isn’t, because Qifrey did swap their tassels. Not that Olruggio is going to ask why, for fear that he’ll get an answer that will quickly squash the feelings he just realized he has into oblivion. Or would that be better? To get it over with?
But he looks at Qifrey, soaks in the other boy’s curiosity and genuine excitement, his hard exterior turned soft just with Olly, and realizes he doesn’t want to get it over with. His best friend is in front of him, and he is so incredibly easy to love, and Olruggio has no interest in learning how difficult it is to stop loving him. So he just hooks an arm around Qifrey’s shoulders, noticing how he tenses but does not pull away, and begins to prattle on about dragons and steam and everything he knows will make his friend smile.
He decides he can break his own heart in a few years or something. Whatever they have, Olruggio doesn’t think he ever wants to do without.